Hello all.

I just wanted to establish how often I'm going to be updating.

I should get one out every eight days.

If I don't from now on, I'll always make them up somehow, unless I tell you I'm taking a break for holidays or something.

Enjoy my story

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Hidan was pissed. No, that was an understatement, he was ready to kill something with his bare hands. Shikamaru would be the victim if something didn't happen in Hidan's favor soon, too.

Somehow, the ball didn't fall into Hidan's court the way he wanted to. He was supposed to be able to manipulate people easily, it was one of the perks of being a psychopath. Shikamaru, by some means, was even better at the game that Hidan practically invented.

Hidan, just as always, was supposed to come out on top. He was supposed to make Shikamaru feel stupid for getting so worked up over practically nothing. Instead, Shikamaru made him out to be the asshole. For someone in god's favor, Hidan was having a horrible time of making it by without nearly killing himself and everyone else.

True, maybe thinking about Shikamaru being in the house with him should have given him some sort of hint to tone down on the gory, violent aspects of his religion. True any person with any bit of attachment to another (let alone divine intervention forcing someone to like a person) would go off the handle when they saw whomever badly injured and sick. But if all the things were true because of the fear of losing a life, then it was also true that none of these extreme reactions should have to be applied to an immortal like Hidan.

So why wasn't it easy to turn the situation around and make Shikamaru look like an over-reacting whiner?

Oh well, Hidan sighed, it was nothing for him to get all worked up about. He simply got up and went to the kitchen. He was now more concerned with the a certain angst ridden teenager who was sitting at the kitchen table with a dark cloud forming above him.

Hidan knew this would be an absolute pain in the ass unless Shikamaru went through moods quickly, but there wasn't really anything to do. Well, besides apologize, but that wasn't going to happen. Hidan went ahead and got a bowl of udon, then found a seat across from Shikamaru.

Thankfully Shikamaru was too worried about Hidan to stay mad for very long. He just waited for the immortal to start a conversation, because he always did.

In no time, or rather right after Hidan inhaled the first bowl of udon, he smiled brightly at Shikamaru, "This is even better than what you made for lunch."

"Glad you think so," Shikamaru answered.

"How come you learned to cook?"

"What do you mean?"

Hidan got up for another bowl, and answered while he poured some of the udon into a bowl, "'Cause normally moms cook. Doesn't yours?"

"Yeah, she's a good cook, but I mainly learned to impress some friends."

"Remind me to thank these friends of yours, Shika," Hidan smiled lightly. He normally wouldn't bother with small talk, or bonding. Somehow though, Shikamaru was entertaining to him, even with just trivial things like what they were talking about now.

"Yeah. So, I'm guessing you didn't eat very well before."

"What makes you think that?"

"Since you eat everything like it's the last morsel of food you'll ever see."

"Well, I guess."

"How come you don't want to talk about yourself?"

"Because my life is full of death, torture, pain and anguish. I heard these things aren't good dinner conversation. Maybe some other time, if you actually want to hear about it," Hidan suppressed amusement as he saw Shikamaru shift uncomfortably.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be pushy."

"It's alright. Besides, this is your sharing time. I want to know about you, Shikamaru."

"You sound almost serious about that."

"Almost? I amserious. For whatever reason, I think you're pretty fucking interesting and I'd rather hear about you than talk about myself."

The younger nin smiled fondly, "Well, what else do you want me to talk about."

"Your lovers."

Shikamaru's face went deep red. He was happy that he had all he had wanted from the udon that he made, because now he was sure he would have a knotted stomach for awhile. "So you're concerned about dinner conversation and you come up with that out of no where?"

"I'm done now," Hidan smirked. "So, are you going to tell me or am I going to have to find a way to make you tell me."

"Let's not be hasty."

"Not torture, I'm not interested in that unless I have weapons at my disposal. It's not as fun."

Shikamaru gulped, "I'm guessing that's a good thing for me. I guess it can't really hurt the situation any more than it already has been." Somehow, it was easy to feel relaxed around Hidan, even if he should be disturbed by what was just said. "I've never really had a boyfriend-"

"You're gay?" Hidan asked in disbelief. Sure, he was bisexual, and wasn't upset at all that Shikamaru was into guys, but it surprised the hell out of him. Shikamaru was only able to tell him because he felt he wouldn't get that reaction. Oh well...

"Do you need everything spelled out for you? Besides, if you stop me while I'm in the middle of talking, I won't finish."

"Fine, fine. Sorry."

"Whatever. Anyways, I've had a crush for awhile, but I don't think he's even interested in guys."

"What harm could it do to at least ask."

Shikamaru felt his blush deepen, just as it did every time he even thought of asking Chouji anything romantic, "Because. We're really good friends and it would just be awkward. Besides, if he's not then he might not want to even hang out with me anymore."

Hidan smiled, and said in a low, seductive tone, "You know, you can turn straight men gay if you have the experience. Especially since you're so fucking hot."

"But, I don't have the experience. I don't even have a clue about how to ask someone anything like that, let alone try and build up any sort of expertise in that stuff!"

"It would make this guy, whoever he is, be more likely to like you too."

"I always thought of saving myself for him."

"Is that what you really want Shika?" Hidan coaxed.

"You don't honestly think that I'm going to go to bed with you just because you say it'll make Chouji like me!"

"Wait! You're talking about that fat guy that clears all the buffets in the entire village before bed? That Chouji?"

Shikamaru didn't know why, but he didn't like Hidan saying Chouji's name. He wished he'd never had let the name slip off his tongue to tell Hidan anything about him.

"Don't talk about Chouji that way!"

"Sorry, sorry. I just didn't expect you to be after someone so..."

"Don't even begin saying anything bad about him."

"Right, right. Well, I can almost guarantee you that Chouji's a virgin, so at least one of you is going to need some sort of background in the bedroom." Hidan said, "Besides, you do not want to be in a relationship with a virgin if you're a virgin too. I mean, think of everything you'll be able to bring to the table if you have some experience, you know."

Shikamaru carefully scanned Hidan. He was serious about this. This arrogant asshole was actually serious! He didn't know whether to feel insulted or listen to anymore of his bullshit.

"So, you want me to sleep with you so I can make the sex better? Are you absolutely insane?"

"I guess, if you want to put it that way, yeah."

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

"Apparently, when it comes to what goes on behind bedroom doors. If you and this guy do shack up though, admit it, he's going to look at you for guidance." Hidan was having too much fun, despite how delicate the situation was. "Besides, say that you and this Chouji guy are perfect with each other. Do you really want to be with one person all your life? How boring is that?"

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By some miracle, Shikamaru said no and Hidan didn't throw a fit. He seemed pretty pissed off, but then again he was practically begging for a rejection. Right after Hidan finished his meal, he went to his bedroom. All he said was that there was going to be a Dexter marathon and he'd be in there for the rest of the night.

Still, even though that couldn't have went better (Shikamaru was seriously prepared for a fight when he said no), there was something weird about the whole thing. He knew that in reality he wasn't a virgin because he was saving himself for Chouji, even though that was romantic and all, he was just too shy to ever ask anyone out on a date. He never knew who was gay and who wasn't, and he didn't want word getting out that he liked guys or all the immature people in the village would make his life living hell.

So now that he knew someone who was gay, he was a little turned on by that alone. Add the fact that the guy is perfect in every possible way, plus he was interested very much in a relationship, and that made it practically impossible to even form the word "No". Even Hidan's poor persuasion made a rather valid point, Chouji hadn't ever dated anyone either. One of them had to know what they were doing if anything good was going to happen.

Maybe he could talk to Hidan about it? He wanted Hidan, but again, he was too bashful to actually say something to him about it.

Why does it even matter? Just make him swear not to say a word about it to anyone and nobody will know that it happened. Something in the recesses of Shikamaru's mind was trying to push him to get up and just go to Hidan's. This time, Shikamaru was too excited by the whole idea to continue being stubborn about everything. He got up and went down the hallway leading to Hidan's bedroom.

Dexter wasn't on, instead it was some lame movie preview. Shikamaru could hear Hidan snore, but he'd already come this far. He wasn't going to turn back, because he knew that he'd never be able to work up enough courage to try this again, even if he did want it.

Now if only he could just knock on the door.

He was right there...

So close...

Just...

Tap...

Quietly...

He's sure to wake up...

Oh fuck, I can't do it! Shikamaru inwardly cursed himself.

The theme music for Dexter came on and he heard Hidan jump awake.

Dammit, time to go-

"Shika, do you need something?"

Stupid shinobi instincts! "Uh... Well, not really. I won't bother you, since you're watching your show."

Hidan smiled a little bit, "Want to come and watch it with me?"

Shikamaru wasn't really interested in the show, seeing as he killed people all the time, but that was his easy ticket in. He went into Hidan's room and sat on the bed, on the opposite side as Hidan.

"Are you sure you didn't want anything, this is a re-run anyways," Hidan was happy to see that Shikamaru actually wanted to spend time with him, rather than be a pain in the ass with moods that changed like the weather.

"Well, I kind of did want to ask you something, but you can't tell anybody."

"Who would I tell?" Hidan asked. "I'm locked in here, and even if I did get out, I'm a wanted criminal. Do you think I'd hang around and gossip?"

"Well, no, but you have connections to Ibiki. I know he's not a friend, but you can't tell him no matter what."

Hidan chuckled, "Fine, what?"

"Alright, let's say, hypothetically, that I may have some sort of thing for guys with purple eyes and-"

"Didn't you just say no to me out there?" Hidan asked teasingly.

"Yeah, well I don't just agree on a whim, alright? Geez, maybe I wanted to think about it first!"

"Alright, alright," Hidan grinned. "So, tell me more about your thing for guys with purple eyes."

Shikamaru blushed, "Well, even though you can be a complete ass sometimes, you're probably right. Being in a relationship consisting of two clueless virgins is only a romantic idea. Not really practical."

Hidan pulled Shikamaru into his lap, "That's where I come in then?"

"Yeah, but I still don't want to just jump into bed with you."

"Haven't you already done that?"

"Oh, fuck you! You know what I mean!"

"I think I do, but tell me what you want anyways," Hidan couldn't suppress his grin.

"I want to be in a relationship with you. I want you to be my boyfriend for as long as you can, because I think I'm starting to really like you."

"You're starting to like me?" Hidan held Shikamaru tighter, "Well, I can't argue with that."

Shikamaru blushed and let himself melt into Hidan's arms.

"I have a condition though," Hidan said, despite pushing his luck already by holding Shikamaru.

"Watch it, this is really weird for me already."

"You have to sleep in here from now on."

"As if! I said I want to take things slowly!"

"It's not like I'm going to do anything differently, I just want to be able to hold you all the time."

"Tch, forget it."

"Oh come on, please?" Hidan asked in a whiny voice, like a kid who's asking for a toy. "I'll be good, I promise."

"No way, this is the room where all that weird stuff happened when you prayed! It's creepy, so no."

"Alright, I sleep in your bedroom then?"

Shikamaru really wanted to say no, but there wasn't a whole lot of harm. Hidan could just as easily do anything while sleeping next to him that he could have done sleeping down the hall.

"Fine, but no 'praying' in there, or whatever that was before. And no other creepy stuff that's going to make it hard for me to sleep, kay?"

Hidan kissed Shikamaru on the cheek. "Deal."

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Aw, it's adorable.

P.S.

Since fanfiction . net doesn't accept explicit stories anymore (jerk-faces) I'm going to be looking for another site. I'll tell you when I find one and all, but I'm going to keep this one and update it until it gets deleted or whatever they do. Apparently they don't know that the largest amount of stories on this site consists of lemons. How boring... It also means I can't write that other lemon with Orochimaru and Hidan that contains a lot of violence, sex and torcher (not mutually exclusive ideas, btw).