A/N: I had planned on posting this later in the week, but while on TV Tropes, I noticed that someone added The Consul Bride to the fanfic recommendations for the Civilization series! Now I wonder if (un)Civilized will get a trope page…?
Chapter Nine: Two Methods of Torture
Alexander awoke to a shadowy figure, padding at his injuries with a cloth. Looking around, he came to the conclusion that he was in a torture chamber, a dungeon, or a really kinky dream. The last of the three options was the least likely.
"Where am I?" Alexander asked, hoping that it was some kind of dream.
"The pit of despair-" A gravely voice answered before bursting into a coughing fit.
"Ahem. You're in the pit of despair," The voice said again in a soft, sinister voice, "Don't even think of escape, the chains are fit to hold giants. And don't even think of rescue either. This place is only known by the Prince, the Count, and I."
Alexander squinted as his vision focused on who was speaking.
"Gandhi?"
"It may have turned out better for you if you had killed me," Gandhi said with a small evil chuckle, "They would've had to have found someone else to operate the pit."
"So you're going to keep me here until you kill me?" Alexander asked.
"Whenever they tell me I can. That doesn't mean I can't try to have some smaller counts of revenge until then. But it's policy that everyone is made healthy before torture. That way we can keep more accurate accounts." Gandhi explained as he continued to tend to the wounds Alexander sustained in his fight with the giant rats.
"Torture? No problem." Alexander boasted, despite his poor position.
"Brag all you may," Gandhi said in a sinister voice, "And you may have earned the right after surviving the fire swamp, but no one has bested the machine!"
Gandhi continued his work, grinning to himself about the prospect of gaining a long and bloody revenge against the only man to best him mentally.
Dido walked through the castle halls, visibly depressed. She passed by one corridor, so enraptured in her thoughts that she failed to notice that Augustus Caesar and Attila had been watching.
"She's been like that since the fire swamp," Augustus said, "It must be the failing health of my father."
"Of course." Attila agreed, though not entirely convinced.
King Enrico Dandolo died that very night. Dido and Augustus were hastily married, and at noon she addressed her subjects again, but as their queen.
"My father's final words were-"
"No!" Dido screamed, interrupting Washington mid-sentence, "That is not right! I'm marrying Alexander, not Augustus!"
Dido stopped her tirade for a moment to glance over at Augustus, "No offence."
"None taken."
"…And I mean in the book…" She added for Alexander's sake, who merely nodded with a look of surprise on his face.
"Look, do you want to finish the book or not?" Washington asked, interrupting her before she could continue.
"…Yes." Dido said, sullenly.
"Then everyone please stop interrupting. We'll be here for hours if these interruptions continue."
"My father's final words were: love her as I loved her, and there will be joy. I present to you your new queen… Queen Dido!" Augustus announced to the crowd.
Fanfare once again hailed the approach of the new queen, clad in a beautiful white dress. Once again, the crowd bowed in respect for their new queen and fear for Caesar's legionnaires.
However, someone dared to heckle the queen. One man stood out from the bowing masses as he booed the Dido viciously.
"Why do you boo me?" Dido asked.
"Because you had LOVE in your hands, and you gave it up, threw it away!" The man, dressed in a cloak of colorful feathers shouted at her.
"But had I not, Alexander would have been killed!" Dido attempted to defend her reasoning.
"Your true love LIVES and you marry ANOTHER?" The man turned and addressed the crowd of cowering citizens,
"Her true love, who had RESCUED her from kidnappers, DEFENDED her in the FIRE SWAMP! And she throws him away like GARBAGE!" The man in the feather coat was almost foaming at the mouth as he ranted and raved.
"THAT is what you are! The QUEEN of GARBAGE!" He pointed at her with an accusing finger, "So BOW to her Romans! BOW to the queen of REFUSE! BOW to the queen of SLIME, the queen of FILTH!"
The feathered man continued to boo and jeer Dido as he walked closer. When the wild-eyed man was almost face to face with her, she gasped for air as she broke from her dream.
It was ten days from the wedding. King Enrico still lived. However, Dido's nightmares were growing steadily worse as time went on.
"See! I told you!" Dido shouted while pointing at the others seated at the table.
"You're very smart, now shut up." Augustus responded.
Emboldened by her most recent nightmare, Dido hastily dressed herself and stormed to Augustus's study, where he sat reading a collection of stories by Aesop.
"It comes to-"
"Hold." Caesar was uninterested as he raised a hand to stop his fiancée mid-sentence. After turning the page, and making her wait in an uncomfortable silence until he closed the book and looked up.
Dido did her best to hide her disgust and anger.
"It comes to this. I loved Alexander, and I haven't truly loved anyone since… not that you were unaware. But I had thought him dead. If we marry in ten days, I too will be dead without him."
Augustus sat in silence with an unreadable expression. Finally, after a full minute of awkward noiselessness, he spoke.
"I had hoped that the chance of power and wealth would sway you, but it appears that I was in error."
Augustus put his hand to his chin, once again deep in thought. It was a much shorter amount of time before he stood and broke it.
"Count Attila, was Alexander returned to his ship?"
"Yes, my prince."
"I see. My woman, are you certain that he would still accept your feelings after the manner in which you parted? Not even to mention the piracy…"
"Alexander will always come for me." Dido responded sternly.
Augustus paced the room, continuing to think.
"If that is the case… I suggest we alter the wedding arrangements," Caesar mused aloud, "Write your beloved a letter and create three additional, identical copies. I shall pass the four letters to my four fastest ships. I'll send each ship in each compass direction in search of his ship."
"Genghis Khan is known to plunder Rome and Venice this time of year…" Attila interjected from him position in the back of the room.
"If Alexander receives your letter and can return before our wedding… you may go with my blessing. If he cannot, then please consider a life of regal splendor as an alternative for suicide." Augustus said, offering his terms.
"The terms are fair… if you can uphold them." Dido responded before turning and walking out the door.
"Your… 'Princess' is quite the prize." Attila commented to Caesar as the two walked in the woods.
"The people are quite taken with her. At least something can hold their attention." Caesar replied.
"But it's odd… when I hired Gandhi to have her kidnapped on our engagement day, only to be found murdered on American soil… I hadn't thought of the possibility that an assassination on the wedding night may have a larger impact." Augustus mused to his confidant aloud.
"The people will cry for American blood," Attila confirmed, "The death of their beloved- where is that damn switch?"
Attila poked and prodded at a nearby tree until a doorway opened.
"Ah, there we go. Are you coming down to the pit? I hear Alexander has recovered, and Gandhi is anxious to put him through the machine."
"Attila, my friend, I love watching you work… but I must plan my empire's 500th anniversary, my wedding to rearrange, my wife to murder, and America to frame for it. My schedule is packed as it is."
"Then get some rest," Attila ordered, "If you don't have your health, you have nothing."
"Oh, that reminds me to put an extra drop of mercury in my father's drink tonight!" Augustus exclaimed. Attila smiled and bowed slightly before retreating into the tree.
"I must say I'm offended that I'm the villain here." Augustus commented.
"WHY NOT?" Montezuma shouted, "It makes PERFECT sense!"
"What- how?" Augustus asked, almost immediately regretting the question after he had spoken.
"Because YOU are the PRINCE!" Montezuma ranted, "PRINCES have WEALTH. MONEY is the ROOT of EVIL! FURTHERMORE, those who have MONEY, also have a great deal of POWER! POWER is equal to CAMEL! CAMEL is equal to five stalks of CELERY. FIVE! QUID PRO QUO, CAESAR!"
"…He lost me at 'camel'." Alexander commented.
"Actually, I understood a little more of that…" Pacal mentioned, "I think it has something to do with the trade caravans of old."
"We'll interpret this insanity later!" Harald ordered, "Keep reading, Washington!"
Alexander was tied onto a board with all manner of straps and wires over his torso and head. Gandhi rolled the gurney over to the eponymous machine and began to connect wires from the machine to Alexander.
"I find it somewhat amusing," Attila mused aloud so Alexander could hear, "When Temujin and I first started to develop this device, I never considered the possibility that his successor would be at its mercy. I consider myself a pioneer of pain, an innovator of injury… in fact I've made several advances in the human sciences purely from understanding human suffering. I will need your honesty when you describe the kind of pain that you are about to endure."
"Besides…" Attila laughed evilly, "Lying is unbecoming of you."
Attila walked over to a bar with a set of numbers marking each level of pain the victim would receive.
"This is your first time on the machine… so I'll be gentle and use the lowest setting."
Attila raised the bar to the first notch. As the dastardly machine did its work, Alexander began to writhe in agony, barely able to suppress a scream. Attila and Gandhi watched with glee, each for his own reason. After a time, Attila lowered the bar back to zero.
"As you may know, the concept of the suction pump is quite old," Attila explained, "That is the concept of the machine… except the purpose is not to suck water, it is to drain life. I've just taken one year of your life. I might even go as high as five, for science of course, but I'm not sure if that would outright kill you… and we wouldn't want that… yet."
"So, let's just start with what we have," Attila continued as he gathered his notes, "Where are you feeling pain right now? And this is for science's sake, so be honest. How do you feel?"
Alexander let out a shaky whimper.
"Interesting… I see…" Attila said, scribbling notes furiously, "Now, do you often sing or whistle just for fun? Do you feel sometimes that age is against you?"
"Okay, I call bull on that!" Alexander interrupted, "I could handle some medieval Hunnic torture device!"
"You want to test that theory?" Attila challenged, standing up.
"Gentlemen! Sit down!" Maria once again forced to play the scolding mother.