Spencer POV

It was like ten fireworks going off in my head all at once, each creating a tidal wave of horror to wash over me. I wondered if I was going to puke and tried to stop myself hyperventilating, like I did now whenever I was terrified. My shoulder was against Em's, her hand in my hair, and somehow her contact scared me. I almost shied away from it, and when I felt her breathe against me, I bit my lip to stop myself from yelling out. Scared? Of my best friend? Oh god, what's become of us?

She spoke and I swam out of a haze of thoughts to hear her. "Spencer. If you… if you feel that strongly about it, strongly as I do, would it be so bad for Toby to see it?"

I shuddered at the thought but she went on. "You could just claim you were drunk and had no idea. Spin him anything about how you thought it was him. If that's called spinning, and not truth-telling, that is."

I was so lost in self-pity and misery I had no idea what she was referring to. "I could. Maybe…" My voice trailed off, lost in a pathetic key which begged for hope.

And then my phone vibrated and I began shaking with pure panic. Em's eyes widened slightly and she reached for it. She gave a slight sigh when she read it.

"Don't get any smart ideas, bitches. If it's not within a day of Emily getting out of hospital, the photo's sent to Aria. If it's longer than that, it gets sent to Toby. Three days or more, and this photo will be sent to both of your mums. Don't let me down girls! – A xx"

Black spots suddenly appeared before my eyes and I retched slightly, but kept it quiet. My entire body grew ram-rod still with terror. "My mom… Oh Jesus Em. We have to do it now?" I said quietly.

She nodded. "It'll be one simple thing. Then it'll be out of our lives. It'll be okay, Spence."

I breathed deep out my nose and inhaled through the mouth, trying to calm my heart. It felt like I'd just fallen off a building, and I could feel Emily's gaze searching my eyes. "Am I that bad?"

I shook my head vehemently. "No! God no. I love you. It's just that…"

"You're going to be cheating on the guy you love, it's gay, you don't want to hurt me, and you're just generally worried about how the photos could get spread?"

"Sort of." I said, despite the fact that was exactly what I'd just been thinking. . "Reading my mind. How long till you get out?"

"Around a week. Was a clean break. But I'll have the cast on, when we, when we make it."

I almost laughed at how concerned she sounded. "I don't think A will care too much. Actually, can I sign it?" I asked, trying to regain a sense of normality despite my heartbeat thudding.

She pointed to a pen on the shelf next to her and I grabbed it, wondering what to write. Then a surprisingly thought descended onto me, and I blinked slowly as I fathomed it. "Em. I'm gonna write this cause I can't say it." I murmured, looking directly into her eyes.

She tilted her head, confused, then: "Yeah. Sure."

I wrote it hastily, in my usual fluid joined writing, which so many people claim difficulty reading. Em immediately leant in to read it as soon as I was finished. I capped the pen, feeling the flush of embarrassment creep up my neck and round my cheeks.

Kiss me. :)

Her face formed the most perfect bemused expression I'd ever seen that I could have chuckled. Then she looked deeply into my eyes, looking intrigued yet teasing. "Why, Spencer?"

I sighed, but felt the tense curling in my stomach unravel a teensy bit. "I just want to see. Without me being so drunk I barely remember it, or so horrified that I had no idea what was going on. I know this is cruel to you, but I swear to God, you do this and I'll… I'll know. I promise."

She smirked slightly. "So you want me to be open about my feelings?"

I cringed at those words and she shrugged. "Just sayin', Ms Hypocrite."

"Ugh. Can we just forget-"I made large hand movements "-all of that and just let me sort out my feelings once and for all? Please?"

"Don't have to beg." She grinned cheekily.

"Emily!"

"That's the name you'll be screaming in bed tonight."

"Jesus Christ!"

"And that's the other name."

I rolled my eyes. "When you have had enough of being a super stud, feel free to kiss me."

"Oh? An open invitation? Sorry, but I actually can't move. My ankle is dislocated. And a bit snapped. But, dear Spencer, I can never get enough. Which is interestingly what you said last night, I'm not sure if you can remember-"

I grumpily sighed, then leant in and closed my eyes, swept into another vortex of having no idea what I wanted. A minute ago I was terrorized by the fear of her touch, and I'd decided I wanted to find out why. When her lips made contact with mine shock rattled through me, even though I'd been expecting it the entire time. My palms sweated like they did when I had a major fright. Instincts told me to back away. But I pushed them away and kissed her back, and after a while the panic faded and a state of numbness set in. Like I didn't know what I was doing, but didn't care. My heart stopped racing and I almost could feel myself relaxing. Like my worries swept away and I was just lying there kissing my best friend, you know, just casually.

I hadn't realized her hands were on my back until they were playing with the hem of my hoodie and I shivered slightly with a feeling I yet again couldn't define? Fear? Or desire? And then suddenly as her tongue flicked the top of my teeth, I shivered again, yet kept kissing, trying to push everything away and concentrate on how the kissing was making me feel. And then the door was knocked.

We both pulled away, me pulling my top down even though it was only riding a matter of millimetres upwards, and coughing loudly. Em re-tucked herself under the hospital sheets, managing to cover her leg quickly, the "KISS ME" disappearing from view under white polyester. I sat on the bedside, trying to look like we were not just making out for the entire world.

Hanna's blonde head swung round the door, as did a Starbucks bag. "Finished making out?" She joked, waggling the brown bag at us. "I got cookies."

Emily and I exchanged glances then burst out laughing, while Aria pushed her way into the room. "One Caramel Brule Frappie for Spence, and one white chocolate hot chocolate for Emily. And raspberry and chocolate cookies. What were you guys doing?"

"Oh you know, having sex, smoking pot, the usual." Em said with sarcasm that made me laugh.

I looked towards her and saw how she was glancing my way with eyes sparkling, and I grinned crookedly, realizing I loved her eyes sparkling. As she broke the glance, she picked up her phone and began texting. Aria dumped the Starbucks bag on her bed, folding her arms. "It does smell funny in here." She said, sounding slightly worried.

"Oh Aria." Hanna said, raising her eyes. "Do you honestly think Emily and Spencer would smoke pot…?"

"No I suppose not really."

"I was about to say, "Without offering us some" but fine, you know."

I cracked up as Aria's face turned shocked, and then realized we were joking. Hanna grinned evilly as Aria sighed grumpily and bit down on a cookie. "However, I do think there's some portion of pot in these cookies. That's what makes them so addictive."

I nodded. "Or maybe it could just be the secret recipe. You know, like the one in KFC. And Coke. And Krabby Patties."

"Krabby Patties." Aria reminisced. "I remember those. When I was little, the secret recipe to Krabby Patties was my life."

"And now they're just nasty STDs, caused by the secret recipe of unsafe sex." Emily added.

Hanna's eyes suddenly grew wide. "Krabby… Patties… Oh my lord Em."

"That's sick." I added, open-mouthed.

Em bit her lip to stop the massive grin spreading across her face and raised her eyebrows. "You're not the only one who's dirty-minded, Hanna."

Aria chuckled. "You remember what Alli used to say about you, Em?"

Of course it's Aria who remembers this. "What?"

"Shy on the streets… sexy on the sheets. 'Course that was when you and Ben were a couple."

Em chuckled at that. "Well. Yeah. You guys all know how well that was working."

"Well enough to have sex with him." I suddenly blurted, the words galloping over my tongue before I even realized what they meant.

"What?" Emily asked; her voice full of horror.

"Yeah…" Aria said. "You lost your virginity to Ben, right?"

Em shook her head slowly. "Nope. Sorry to disappoint, still a virgin."

Hanna's jaw had dropped. "But-but-but, WHAT? I could have sworn you were the first of us."

Em laughed. "I love how Spencer and Aria are interested in how I'm still a virgin, and you, Hanna, just care about how, yes, you were the first to lose your virginity."

"True that." Aria said, shrugging.

"Agree." I murmured.

Hanna paused for thought, her little eyebrows screwed up. "Wait- that means- YESSSSSSS!" She suddenly hollered, pumping her fist. "I WIN! YEAAAAAHH!"

"Han, it's not a freaking competition!" I yelled, laughing though.

"Everything's a competition for me. Even sex."

There was a slight awkward period after that sentence, and then Em suddenly muttered. "That's what she said…"

We all looked at each other's faces and burst out laughing. Then my phone beeped yet again, and I froze. As did Em. I bit my lip, opening the message, and scrolled down, reading it.

Spencer, please come home. We need to talk. Dad's not here, he's going to be staying in our flat in NY. We need to sort this out, together. –Mom

I sighed slightly with relief. Jumping from one disaster to a slightly less bad one. My head flicked upwards to see Em's eyes on me, looking afraid. "It's okay… Just my Mom. I need to go home. Nice seeing all of you. Get better soon, Em."

They all looked relieved at that, and made their goodbyes. I was on autopilot for the rest of the journey home. I honestly can't remember any thoughts from the hospital to the house. All I remember is pulling into the driveway, staring at my hands and wondering whether I needed to re-do my clear nail polish. I'd developed a really bad habit of biting my nails then, due to anxiety and worry. Over guess who? Ha.

I'd opened the car door and walked out, and walked up the steps to my house, just as my Mom opened the door. She smiled faintly at me, and beckoned for me to come in. I slowly, deliberately untied my shoes, and placed them by the door. I didn't rush to see her, or show any emotion. Like the no emotion she was showing me. Welcome to the family Spencer, where feelings are under lock and key 24-7!

And then as I walked inside, shutting the door, Tanya's blue eyes met mine, as she sat nonchalantly on the couch. I froze, stomach absolutely plummeting down to my shoes. Yay! A psychopath, possible killer, and possible lesbian who wants a sex tape from me and Emily has come for tea. How positively delightful!

Tanya must have seen my face drop cause she backed off a little bit. I noticed how the bruises around her nose were less vivid now, and she had a strip of tape around it. It seemed her stomach was paining her however, as she was cradling a packet of ice to it. She looked nervous and worried, like I imagined my face was right now. "Hiya Spencer." She said quietly.

I stared at her, my arms folding without even realizing it. "Hello, Tanya." I tried not to spit, being icy polite.

My mum looked approving, and I shot an accusing look in her direction. "Why is Tanya here, Mom?" I inquired.

My Mom sat down on the sofa next to her and I resisted the urge to push Mom to safety onto another couch. "Since Tanya is really a part of our family, I believe we should get to know her and handle this in a responsible and mature manner. Please be seated, Spencer."

I walked stiffly over to the sofa, and sat down, rigid as a board. My Mom smiled appreciatively, and Tanya smiled too, if a little weakly. "Would you like some coffee, Tanya? Spencer, you too?" Mom asked.

"I'd love some tea, thank you, Mrs Hastings." She said quietly, and I shook my head.

As Mom bustled off and got the tea, Tanya immediately leaned towards me. "Is Emily okay?" She asked, sounding generally concerned.

"She's fine. Just a dislocated ankle. She's at hospital now, but it's all good. She'll be out soon." I replied, succeeding in not adding much as you want to know.

Was it my paranoia drastically enhancing things, or was there a glint of pleasure in her eye? "Oh, that's good. Thank God. I heard from Jason she'd been in an accident. What happened?"

"She was chasing a burglar, who ran up a tree. She followed, got her leg caught in a swing, and her ankle snapped."

"Wow. What a freak accident." Tanya murmured, and I had to wonder at what a great actress she was. She looked genuinely frightened for Emily's health, and freaked out right now. Crazy.

I shrugged. "Pretty much."

"But, seriously? A burglar? What happened to just dialling 999 and waiting for the cops?"

"999?"

"Oh, 911. Same diff."

I immediately realized this flaw in Emily's story. "She didn't really think." I blathered for a while about phone signal not being good in her house. Tanya listened on, looking fascinated.

"Have they caught the burglar?"

"Nope."

"Not even a police investigation or anything?"

"No, not really."

"Why not?"

"I don't know!" I said, exasperated. "That's all I know. Emily's parents are both away at the moment, so Em's acting as an individual and not declaring a police investigation."

Tanya nodded with another interested look and I almost wanted to snatch it off her face. "Okay. Well. Aside from the whole friend's-broken-limb thing, I reckon we should get to know each other. You know, like talk."

I rolled my eyes. "Okay, what's your favourite colour?"

"Blue." She said, sticking out her tongue. "Yours?"

"Red. Favourite animal?"

"Hawk. Yours?"

Ah. I see. You're into the kind of animals which devour raw meat off the side of the road. Hm. "Terrier dogs."

"Why?" She asked, smiling all cute.

I knew she was making an effort to be friendly and it was making me tense and nervous. If she was A, she could strike right now, and no one would know. Jesus. "I've been compared to them many… times in my life." I said carefully, not making eye contact.

She smiled slightly. "Oh, yeah. You seem kind of determined and smart like one."

Determined and smart… sucking up to me much? Bloody hell. I shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

There was an awkward pause, and then she folded her arms. "What's up? You were perfectly nice to me yesterday. Now you're all cold."

Tanya POV

I didn't want to say what I just said, but she left me no choice. She was eyeing me like I was going to bite her, holding herself tightly. Her legs were pressed so hard together I wondered if her knees were aching. Her lips were practically sucked into her mouth, they were pursed so hard. Her eyes were looking everywhere but meeting mine, and her arms were folded defensively across her chest. I read somewhere that when people are uncomfortable in a situation, they most often wrap their arms around themselves. Spencer's hands were practically touching her shoulders. I was complimenting her, and her tone of voice didn't change. Neutral, flat, monotonous. And when I'd heard her voice with such clear expression within it earlier, it didn't make sense.

It was like she was afraid of me, or angry, and I couldn't figure out why. Apart from the obvious, destroying her family. But then again, she'd seemed perfectly fine yesterday around my hospital bed. However, that was when she was with her friends. Maybe she was one of those deeply insecure people. Those ones that only feel comforted when people they love and trust are around them. And since she definitely neither loved nor trusted me- she immediately clammed up, and suddenly seemed almost… bitchy.

She tossed her hair in a definitive moment, tilted her head slightly inquiringly, yet still didn't meet my eyes. "Cold?"

"Icy." I shot back, and I could practically feel my lip curling in the anticipation of a fight.

I didn't want to fight her. I wanted to be friends. I wanted to be sisters. I wanted to plait and brush her hair, and tell her about my day, my love life, and my thoughts. I wanted to come to her lacrosse games and cheer her as soon as she got the ball, wildly and enthusiastically and embarrassingly. I wanted to whistle flirtatiously when I saw her and her boyfriend together; I wanted to share all the school gossip with her. I wanted to watch TV with her and laugh crazily at all the funny bits. I wanted to swap music with her and borrow her iPod, all the time.

So yeah, I was lonely. I thought she could be an amazing big sister, but as she became colder and somehow distantly angry, my thoughts changed. I'd always wanted a big sister. In my foster family, I'd been an only child. Tess and Dave- my Mum and Dad- were infertile, and decided they only wanted one little girl from adoption. I'd always been a lonely little child, playing by myself wherever I went. So when I met Spencer, it was like a childhood dream come true. And then smashed into smithereens with the fight we were about to have.

To my surprise, she simply raised one eyebrow and snorted. "Whatever."

And that was even worse. Fights I could handle. I'd been notorious for getting into them at my old school. It would take one person's offhand comment to make me stop whatever I was doing, stare them down and insult them right back, until we were either brawling with fists and feet, or the other person had backed off. I would never back off. But when I got into massive trouble for decking the school bully i.e. punching him so hard he had a concussion for weeks, I was sent to an Irish Catholic all-girls school. And weirdly enough, that made me want an older sister even more.

But Spencer's offhand tone, like she really couldn't care about me, dug deep within me. I wanted her to care about. I so desperately wanted, perhaps even needed, her to be a sister to me. But her simply brushing off my comment without even taking any notice of it, made me want to fight even more. I tried not to gape, simply bit my lip, and attempted to bite down my temper with it.

Thankfully, Spencer's mum came into the room carrying two cups of tea. I sighed slightly with relief, and then almost blushed as I realized it was audible. Spencer's eyes were totally focused on her mum, and I realized there was coldness deep within her. Her eyes spoke of betrayal and were loaded with venom.

Her mum sat down and smiled. "What were you two talking about?"

Spencer said nothing, instead staring sullenly, almost sulkily at the carpet. I shrugged, acting happy. "Oh, things we have in common."

"And what's that?" Her mum- Veronica, actually- gushed.

"Absolutely nothing so far." I concluded.

Spencer made a slight sound of derision, and my fists almost balled at my side, but I realized paranoia had masked a chuckle. "Pretty much."

Veronica laughed; a posh, high tinkle. "Oh don't be silly! I'm sure you two can find something… Spencer, what's your favourite song?"

"I'm Not Befriending a Psycho."

Veronica scowled. "Excuse me Spencer?"

"It's a song."

I raised my eyebrows, seriously doubting that. Psycho? Me? I'd been called that many times in my life, sure, but only when I'd totally settled into somewhere. Allowed people to get to know me. But Spencer finding that out, that quickly? I stared at her with suspicion, and she shrugged with a big bright fake smile. "It's by Are You Really A?"

The name sounded legitimate, so I settled for that. And suddenly, Spencer's eyes stared deep into mine, making me even more uncomfortable. One minute she couldn't stand to look at me, and the next, she's scanning my eyes with an intensity that I recognized. I saw it flash in mine when I looked confidently into the mirror. I'd seen it glow when I'd been filmed for a drama production when I was twelve. It was a mental power I'd never seen in anyone else's eyes. And then with Spencer staring directly at mine, I stared back, and let the abject force of my gaze battle against hers.

She seemed surprised at how willing I was to battle, and raised one eyebrow, cocky, willing to fight straight back. And then all of a sudden she seemed satisfied, and looked back at her mother. "Well, what's your favourite song, Tanya?"

She sneered, and was effectively sounding like she couldn't care less. But I wouldn't allow her the satisfaction of getting to me. "I Don't Care- by Fall Out Boy."

We stared at each other for a while, almost fighting without words. Veronica didn't seem to recognize it at all. "Oh well, are those similar bands?"

"No." Spencer and I said in unison.

"Oh. Well, I see." She said, clearly floundering. "Well, what do you teenage girls like these days…? TV shows?"

"Misfits." I said immediately.

"Downtown Abbey." Spencer said.

I chuckled. "Are you kidding? Oh my god, that show is so-"

Her eyes raked my face, and her gaze was all too clearly terrifying. I coughed slightly. "So good. Yep. I love Downtown Abbey so much that my foster Mum and Grandma watch it."

It was another insult on Spencer's side, yet she barely reacted. "Mmm. Very good."

I hadn't touched my tea, and I reached out towards it, sipping it down. It was strong, not sweet at all. Exactly how I hated it. But I swallowed it down with a pleasant smile. Veronica didn't know what to do at all. "Okay, well I've got a work call to make now, so keep it down please." She said curtly, and stood up, walked out of the room. "Lovely to meet you, Tanya."

"You too, Mrs Hastings." I said quietly.

She froze as I said that, stopped walking. "It's Mrs Nelson now." She murmured, and then moved on.

Spencer looked stricken, and because I'd dissolved into ultimate-fight mode, I raised my eyebrows at her. "Spencer Nelson. Has a nice ring to it."

She gave me a filthy glare, and I immediately felt apologetic. After all, I was the one who'd made her Spencer Nelson. "Look, I really am sorry-"

"Save it. You were honest. More than he was." She said, and I had the thought she felt vulnerable for just saying that.

I nodded, and let the mood past. "Favourite movie?"

"Are we still doing this?" She groaned.

"Yep. Mine's the Lion King."

"Mine's Anonymous."

"What's that?"

"The movie about whether Shakespeare wrote his plays, or whether he was a liar, a thief, a psychopath or an anonymous criminal."

She emphasized those words so particularly it was almost like she was shooting them straight at me. I couldn't understand it at all. But I shrugged my shoulders, and acted like I couldn't be bothered at all. "Guess we'll never know."

"Hmm."

There was a long awkward pause then, and I decided to make my goodbyes. "Well, great talking with you, I guess I'll head back to Jason's then."

"Let me ask you one thing, before you go." Spencer said, making it sound much more like an order.

I didn't move off the sofa. "Yeah?"

"Are you gay?" She said, direct and to the point.

I froze, glued to the spot by bemusement. "What?"

"You heard."

And all of a sudden all the boyfriends I have had flashed through my head. Liam, Nick, Taylor, Sam… Just like that. I shook my head. "No, I'm as straight as a ruler."

She stared at me for a few more intense seconds, and then nodded. "Okay. Just wondering."

I was still itching for a fight, and then words seemed to bubble out of my mouth in all of my venom. "Why? Scared I'll steal Emily off you?"

She almost took a step back and then suddenly looked angry. "Tanya, I'm straight too."

"Right. Whatever." I said cheerfully. "See you around!"

I opened the door but could feel her steely gaze practically burning holes in my back. Yet this time, I was satisfied to have the upper hand in the argument. I sauntered out, closing the door behind me, and marched out of the house.

Yet I could still feel Spencer's eyes watching me, and they sent shivers up my spine.

Sorry it took so long, I went on a tramp! Thank you so much Spinoza-off, I am learning heaps off your story :D they are very different but we both get inspiration off each others! I absolutely love yours at the moment. Everyone who reviews makes my day, seriously love you all!