Author's Note: This chapter was written for all the introverts who like sitting in corners while everyone else is partying and for all the extroverts who help to make sure they interact with other people at least occasionally.
Introversion
Cloud, 22
He woke up feeling sick. His head burnt and his stomach seemed to be twisting itself into knots.
He flickered in and out of consciousness, seeing things which made no sense. He saw Alexis for a moment, but he was replaced by Sephiroth, who went from looking concerned to threatening to kill him.
He felt a moment's disorientation before he was picked up and placed…somewhere. He tried to call out a few times – alternating between crying for Zack and demanding to see Reeve – but gave up quickly.
He slept for a while more and when he woke up he was feeling a little better. Less like he was dying, anyway. He was lying on his bed, back in his room. Someone was stroking his forehead.
"Oh Cloud," Tifa was crooning softly. "When will you stop working yourself to the ground?"
"I don't understand," Cloud replied softly, his throat feeling swollen. "SOLDIERs don't get sick."
Tifa sighed, sounding exasperated.
"That's all you have to say?" she asked. "You don't answer my phone calls and arrive half dead from your mission and that's all you can think to say?"
"It's true," Cloud pressed. "SOLDIERs don't get sick." He vaguely remembered Zack bragging about it.
"Cloud…You're overworked. The people who were with you said there were complications with the mission and that you were put in a difficult position. It's hardly surprising you got sick. Besides, you're not actually SOLDIER, so maybe you aren't protected quite like they were."
The last comment stung, but he supposed she had a point. Still, he thought the mako would protect him from getting sick. Unless he'd managed to have a relapse? The thought sent chills up his spine.
"The kids have been worried sick, of course," Tifa continued. "You know, you could have picked your phone at least once…"
"Busy," Cloud mumbled, trying to avoid the accusation in her voice. He knew she had every right to be upset. He should have talked to her, but he just couldn't.
"Couldn't you have at least taken a moment to let us know you were okay?" Tifa asked, sounding distressed. "If you had died…"
"I wasn't going to die," Cloud interjected.
"If you had, I wouldn't have known for ages."
"Tifa…" Cloud opened his eyes to look up at the woman who he was supposed to be in love with. She was crying slightly, tears running down her beautiful face. He cared that she was upset, but not as much as he should have.
"Please, Cloud, is too much to ask? I just want you to act like you care, for once."
"I care," he said, being entirely truthful for once. It was difficult to concentrate on her, with the pain in his head. Did they have to have this conversation now?
"It's nice for you to say that, but you never seem all there. It's like you're drifting away. If I don't hold you, you'll just let go altogether." She gave him a penetrating look, trying to peel back his secrets.
"I know that things have been hard for you," Tifa continued. "But we all need you, Cloud."
"I'll try," he said and he knew that wasn't what she wanted him to say. He could tell by the way she seemed to falter slightly, on the edge of saying something.
"Should I invite Denzel in?" she asked instead. "Marlene's not here, yet, but I think Denzel would like to see you. Unless you're too tired?" Cloud shook his head.
"He can come in," he said. Tifa gave him a shaky smile and went to go fetch their ward.
The young boy walked in hesitantly.
"I'm not bothering you, am I?" he asked.
"Of course not," Cloud replied gently. Denzel's expression brightened.
"Did you enjoy staying with Yuffie?"
"It was interesting," Cloud replied vaguely. "What about you? How's school been?"
Cloud listened as Denzel talked about his experience while his guardian was away. He was reluctant to talk about it at first, but Cloud was able to encourage him to explain more.
It was interesting. Watching as Denzel grew in confidence and ability made him feel better about himself and the world in general. He believed very strongly in the potential of the next generation and Denzel in particular.
"I'm trying to concentrate harder, at school," Denzel said. "But I don't ever think I'll enjoy learning. Reading words from a page just seems so boring when you compare it with the real world. Besides, I want to be a warrior! They don't need to read much, do they?"
Cloud thought it over.
"It depends. SOLDIERs were all expected to study a little, though some did it better then others." Cloud couldn't help but smile as he remembered Zack. He hadn't been a book person, either.
Denzel frowned.
"But maths? Who needs maths?"
"I wouldn't write maths off so quickly. Besides which, you might change your mind. You're still young."
"But I want to protect people, like you do," Denzel said.
"There's more then one way to protect people," Cloud replied. He personally wished Denzel would give up on the idea of working for the WRO as an operative. The horror of battle was not something he would wish on anyone, let alone someone he cared about.
"I guess so," the boy said dubiously. "But still…I don't think I'll like maths anytime soon."
"Not a lot of people do," he said honestly, unable to think up a better reply.
"I guess. Did you like maths?"
Denzel was always asking questions about his past. Cloud tried to be truthful with him where possible but sometimes he was forced to tell half-truths or lie outright. There were some things in his past that were too personal or horrible for him to talk about with a young boy.
"Sometimes," Cloud said. "We didn't have very good teachers where I lived, so I enjoyed learning what I could."
"I get it," Denzel said. "That's why you want me to go to school."
"That's part of it."
The door opened and Tifa reappeared, carrying a tray laden with food. Cloud noted with relief that it was all easily edible food. If it had been anything more then soup and bread he knew he wouldn't be able to eat it.
Tifa set it down in front of him. She looked a lot happier now, her eyes lit up with satisfaction.
"Reeve's downstairs," Tifa said. "I thought you might like to eat before he talked to you."
"Thanks."
He began to eat, but he only had a few mouthfuls. He honestly wasn't hungry yet.
"I guess I'll send Reeve up, then," Tifa said. "We should leave the two of you alone."
"I can walk," Cloud protested.
"You should rest, though," Tifa protested. "If you don't rest now, you won't recover your strength."
"Fine."
He watched her go, Denzel following behind her. Cloud slowly eased himself upright, trying to ignore the flash of pain in his head. He looked outside. The sun was just setting, he noticed. Had he really slept for an entire day?
He was still in his work clothes, though. Tifa mustn't have wanted to disturb him. He was oddly relieved. He didn't want to be facing his boss in his pyjamas even if they were friends.
Cloud got to his feet unsteadily, determined to walk. He had been in bed enough recently.
"You look as pale as a ghost," Reeve said when he first caught sight of Cloud.
"Do I?" asked Cloud, turning to face the tired CEO.
"I didn't know you even could get sick," Reeve continued. "But I suppose that's the problem. I forgot that you're human, just like the rest of us."
Cloud laughed bitterly.
"If you mean I have weakness, yeah, I guess I'm a little more 'human' then most."
"Hmm…Look, for what's it worth, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have relied on you so heavily. I plan on making that up to you."
"It's not like your life has been easy, either," Cloud pointed out.
"True. Still, I think we can both agree that some time off would be beneficial. And, quite frankly, you'd be no use to me at all if you died on a mission because you weren't at the top of your game."
"Everyone seems to think I'm on death's door," Cloud said dryly.
"We're just concerned," Reeve said. "Look, take this week off. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to come and see me."
"I could work," Cloud pointed out. "It's not like I have to take the week off completely."
"No," said Reeve sternly. "You stay here, you recover. Nothing more, you understand?"
It was more then just friendly concern which was motivating him, obviously, but Cloud couldn't help but appreciate it all the same.
"Understood."
"Good. I'll ask for your official report on Wutai after your break. I've been talking to Vincent. I can't say I approve of his actions, but he assures me that he will restore Wutai, so I suppose that will have to be good enough for the moment."
"It will be a difficult situation to deal with," Cloud said. "I don't think the process will be easy."
"None of this is going to be easy," Reeve said. "We've known that since the beginning."
"True."
Reeve coughed awkwardly.
"Well anyway, I should probably get going."
"Yeah. I guess I'll see you in a week," Cloud said.
His boss left hurriedly, most likely already focused on another task. Cloud wondered who would tell him to take a break when he needed it.
'I guess he'll learn, one way or the other,' Cloud thought dryly.
He decided now that he was able to stand, he might as well take a shower. He made it quick, still feeling slightly unsteady on his feet. When he was done that he searched around his room, finally finding what he was looking for.
It was a book. An old book of fairy tales, taken from Nibelheim. All the school students had one, it was how they had learnt to read. Tifa had told him that this copy had somehow survived the fire, only slightly singed.
Nostalgia drew him towards it. Seeing it again reminded him of his childhood, of the days where he honestly believed in heroes and happy endings.
'I didn't know that heroes could die, or be controlled by evil beings. I didn't understand, then, just how cruel the world could be.'
He nearly put the book away, consumed by his angry thoughts, but he didn't. Instead he flipped open to a random page, reliving the stories of his youth. He had always liked to read. Back at Shinra, he had only been able to read non-fiction. His theoretical marks had been the one of the highest in his year level, he remembered.
Books were hard to find now. Even this book, damaged and as old as it was, was precious. As he read the stories, he wondered what stories would follow. Would they tell the stories of Midgar to the children of the future? Would the future generation learn from the mistakes of the past?
When Tifa came up to bed she found him asleep, the book of fairy tales still open on the bed.
"You really are strange," Tifa mused. "Sometimes I feel as if I don't understand you at all."
He was still lying on a bed, but this one was different. The sheets were coarser and the bed itself was much smaller. If he concentrated, he could smell the scent of trees and rain outside.
'This place…I've been here before.'
"My home," Zack announced. "Or rather, this was my old house." Now Cloud remembered. He had been here once before, during his quest to find Sephiroth. He had even met Zack's parents.
Guilt assailed him as he remembered that brief meeting. He hadn't known who Zack was yet and his parents hadn't known who Cloud was, either. They had parted ways, his parents still unaware of what exactly had happened to their son.
"I..Tifa should have told them," Cloud said. "She was trying to protect me, but it wasn't right. They should know…"
"What's done is done," said Zack, but Cloud could hear a hint of regret in his voice. "I wanted to see them, one last time, but I never made it. And if I'd gone there when I was on the run…" An ominous silence followed his words.
"So they still don't know what happened?" Cloud asked, feeling sick.
"They know," said Zack. "Not the details, of course, but they realise that I'm not coming home. None of the SOLDIERs survived…Sephiroth got to them all."
Cloud shuddered as he pictured Sephiroth killing off all the SOLDIERs, one by one. He remembered the devastation the night that Sephiroth decided to visit Shinra.
"Ssh…just relax now." Cloud felt as if he was falling asleep again. That didn't make any sense. Wasn't he already asleep? He felt so tired, though.
"Just relax," Zack said. Cloud nodded and gave into sleep.
Cloud, 16
True to his word, he had woken up when the alarm had gone off and even managed to resist the temptation to throw it through the wall. He staggered to his feet and struggled to collect his clothes.
He showered quickly and got his equipment together, wondering why Zack had to pick today of all days to be strict.
He walked quickly through the halls, trying in vain to dodge all the people who were already up and working. He stopped suddenly as his PHS went off. He picked it up, wondering who would be messaging him.
'If it's Zack saying he's changed his mind, I may just have to kill him,' Cloud thought, feeling uncharacteristically violent.
It wasn't Zack. The message was short, but Cloud had to read it twice before he processed it fully. Shinra was sending him to Junon for a month. He was supposed to leave tomorrow.
'But…I thought I wasn't meant to be going on long missions," Cloud thought indignantly. To be sent to Junon for simple guard duty was stupid. Surely they could send someone else?
'Not like there's anything I can do about it,' he thought bitterly. He headed towards the training room.
Zack was waiting for him, looking as happy as he normally did. He was standing in the middle of the gym, as usual, his face lit up with a grin. Cloud responded with a small smile of his own. No matter how bad he felt, when Zack smiled like that Cloud couldn't help but smile with him.
The smile faded quickly though, as Cloud remembered the message. He stepped up to Zack.
"Alright!" said Zack excitedly. "Time for some more push-ups. But don't worry too much, it's all going to be worth it. We'll start proper sword work tomorrow."
"No, we won't," Cloud interjected. Some of the observing SOLDIERs looked a little taken aback that a mere infantryman (or possibly a SOLDIER cadet, even Cloud wasn't quite sure of his 'official' rank anymore) would talk that way to their Lieutenant.
"Well, if you're not feeling confident.." Zack said, sounding a little bit disappointed.
"It's not that," Cloud said. "I've got a mission, starting tomorrow. I'm going to be gone for a month."
"What? That's not possible!"
"I just got the message," said Cloud, handing out his PHS. "You can read it for yourself." The SOLDIER snatched the phone off of him and quickly scanned the message.
"You're right," he admitted finally. "Damn Shinra. I suppose I'll just have to give you exercises to do in your absence. Think of it as a parting gift."
"Thank you," Cloud said dryly. "I'll treasure them dearly, I'm sure."
"Oh, you will."
The training lesson began in earnest. Zack seemed determined to cram a months worth of torture into two hours. They alternated between strength building exercises like push ups, sit ups and the like to proper sparring.
Cloud prayed to every deity and mystical figure he could think of off the top of his head to grant him supernatural powers. If he could just beat Zack in a fight, just one fight, he would be the happiest person alive.
Zack, damn him, seemed to realise that too. Every taunting smile, every little comment seemed designed to rile him up. A logical part of him had figured out that Zack was probably just trying to goad him into performing better, but logic tended to fly out the window during these sessions.
During their last fight, Zack had actually fought him blindfolded. Literally, blind folded. Cloud had expected this would give him a bit of an upper hand, but Zack was still able to predict all his movements.
"It's all about the feel," Zack said. "Instinct and all that. After you practice for a bit, you can tell what your opponent is going to do just by feel."
"Of course. Because I would hate for you to have some kind of disadvantage ordinary mortals could exploit," Cloud had said crankily as Zack had pinned him once again.
"Well….I do have one weakness," Zack whispered in his ear. Cloud had just groaned and attempted to pull himself free. Unfortunately, SOLDIER strength plus awkward positioning meant that Cloud wasn't going anywhere.
"That's enough," Zack declared finally, letting him go. "Nice work." He pulled his blindfold off and smiled at the onlookers.
"He's getting good, right?" Zack asked the crowd, Some people smiled and nodded. Most of them were staring at Zack in apparent awe. So maybe not all SOLDIERs could fight blindfolded. That was something of a relief.
"I'm not going to get to practice with you for a whole month," said Zack. "That sucks."
"Yeah…" said Cloud, not knowing what else to say. There were people watching them, after all.
"But…before you go, we should have a celebratory evening. To commemorate your new training."
"That sounds suspiciously like a party," said a SOLDIER Cloud didn't know. "You're not planning a party without your comrades, are you?"
"I should probably introduce you, first. Cloud, this is Kunsel. He's a friend of mine from back when we were training. Kunsel, this is my amazing protégée."
"Hey there," said Kunsel, looking at the younger boy with a bemused expression.
"Hey."
"Anyway, I wasn't really planning a party, per say," Zack began.
"Since when have you been against large gatherings of people?" Kunsel interjected. "Besides, it seems like ages since we've caught up!"
Zack looked torn for a second, so Cloud decided to spare him.
"Sounds like fun," he lied gamely. "I've never met your other friends, so it'd be cool."
"In that case, I'll have to gather everyone," Zack said, smiling widely. "You can come around six, okay. You remember how to get to my apartment, right?"
"Yeah," said Cloud.
"Alright then. You should go grab some lunch. I'll get everything organised."
"See you then," said Cloud, leaving the training room.
As he ate lunch and later, during his afternoon practice, he couldn't help but dread the upcoming party. It wasn't that he had anything against Zack's friends, exactly, but it had been a long time since he had been around so many people. Experience had taught him the hard way that he was not a people person.
But he couldn't outright refuse and besides, he felt selfish, claiming so much of Zack's time. It wasn't his decision to make, anyway. He would just go along to the party and try to have a good time. Maybe he might even make a few friends…
Training dragged on extra late that afternoon and on top of that, he had to pack his supplies for the mission. He rushed around frantically, aware that he was already late. 'Some impression I'll make,' he thought. 'I can't even show up on time to a party supposedly in my honour.'
He threw on some casual clothes and ran up to Zack's apartment. He took a moment to steady his breathing and then knocked on the door. A SOLDIER he didn't recognise opened the door, holding a can of beer.
"Hey, Zack, it's that cute little recruit of yours!"
Cloud gaped as he looked around the room. He didn't even know how Zack had managed to cram so many people into his tiny apartment. It shouldn't have been possible. Mostly it was filled with junior SOLDIERs, around Zack's age, but the General was there, too, sitting on his own and glaring at anyone who came near.
'Great,' thought Cloud. 'It's okay. I can handle this. We're all just hanging out, right? This isn't about rank…'
"Come on in!" Zack yelled. "Just ignore Greg, he's had a little too much to drink already."
"Sure thing."
Cloud attempted to push past the crowds, most of whom looked him over with a bemused air. Finally he arrived at where Zack was sitting.
"I'm sorry I'm late," Cloud apologised.
"No problem," Zack replied cheerfully. "You're off-duty, remember? You can be as late as you want."
"I guess," replied Cloud nervously. He reached over and grabbed some pizza, which had been left out on the table.
"Oh, you can't have that," Kunsel. "You didn't pay, after all." Cloud dropped the pizza instantly.
"I'm sorry."
"Just kidding," the SOLIDER said, laughing. "Man, you need to loosen up."
"I'm not surprised he's jumpy," said another one of Zack's friends. "Considering what he goes through during training, he probably thinks all SOLDIERs are sadists."
"I don't think all SOLDIERs are sadists," Cloud said shyly. "Just Zack."
For some reason, his inane reply made everyone start laughing again.
"Ouch," Kunsel said. "Maybe you should try being nicer."
"But that's no fun," Zack protested. "If I let him get off easy, it would be boring."
Cloud picked up the pizza he had discarded and began to eat.
"I thought SOLDIERs weren't allowed to eat junk food. Is pizza okay?" Cloud said softly to Zack.
"What was that? Oh, I guess technically we're not supposed to eat pizza, but even Sephiroth breaks the rules on occasion. If we didn't, then we'd be nothing but lab rats. Isn't that right?"
The other SOLDIERs voiced their agreements. Sephiroth turned his head and looked at Zack quizzically.
"Speaking of breaking rules," said Greg, coming over to them. "Aren't you going to offer your friend a drink? That'd help him relax a bit."
"Nope," said Zack. "He's got a mission tomorrow, remember. Besides, I'm not dragging him back to his apartment if he passes out."
"Wow, Zack Fair acting as the voice of reason?" Kunsel exclaimed in mock-horror. "Who would have ever guessed this would happen?"
"It is a little strange," Zack admitted. "But I am responsible for him, as Sephiroth so helpfully reminded me." Sephiroth just raised an eyebrow from where he was sitting.
"I wasn't going to drink it, anyway," Cloud pointed out. "So you don't need to 'look after me'."
"Oooh, somebody's in trouble."
"Yeah, I know," said Zack, ignoring his friend's outburst. "Hell, you're probably a lot more responsible then I am."
"Probably?" someone called. "More like definitely. You remember that time when we got full on wasted, in the slums and you had to call Angeal to pick us up? The look on his face…"
"Yeah, I remember," said Zack. "He made sure I didn't forget it. Though I suppose being puked on by in the middle of the night mustn't have been exactly great for him."
The conversation drifted to their time as cadets and Third Class SOLDIERs. Cloud enjoyed listening to some of the stories but he had nothing to contribute. Mostly he stayed quiet, feeling a little bit out of place.
Finally he excused himself to stand in the hallway. He wondered if he should leave. He had been planning to wait out all the guests, so that he would have some alone time with Zack, but he doubted he would be able to stay awake for that long. It was probably for the best if he left.
"Bored?" Cloud looked up. The General was staring at him.
"Not exactly, sir," Cloud said. Sephiroth smiled slightly.
"This is an informal occasion, Strife. It would be more appropriate if you called me by my name."
"Then you should call me 'Cloud'," he said, feeling as if everything was slightly surreal.
"'Cloud'…That's a strange name." Cloud blushed. Did the General think his name was weird? It wasn't like 'Sephiroth' was a common name, either.
"So, if you're not bored, how are you feeling?" Sephiroth asked abruptly.
"I-I guess I'm tired. And a little out of place."
"Because you're not a SOLDIER?"
"Uh…." Cloud struggled to find an answer. What was with this constant questioning?
"That would be awkward," Sephiroth continued. "Though Zackary assures me that rank doesn't matter at a party, I doubt things are that simple in reality."
"It's not that. It's just that I don't know most of the people here and they don't know me," Cloud explained.
"I guess that would kind of suck." It took Cloud a moment to realise that it hadn't been the General who'd spoken. He turned around to find Zack standing behind him.
"You've been listening the whole time?" asked Cloud, torn between indignation and embarrassment.
"He's only been here for a few moments," Sephiroth said calmly.
They stood around awkwardly, each person waiting for the other to speak first. It was Sephiroth who broke the silence.
"I think I shall leave now," he said curtly. "I will see you in the morning."
Cloud watched as the General walked out before turning back to Zack.
"I'm sorry," both boys said at exactly the same time. Zack laughed while Cloud smiled self-consciously.
"I didn't mean to sound rude. I don't mind you inviting all your friends. This is your party and you can have as many people as you want here," Cloud said before Zack could start talking.
"Yeah, I know. But I wish things had been more enjoyable for you. Hopefully you'll get to know my friends a little better over time."
"Hopefully," Cloud repeated, though he doubted it.
Zack pat his head reassuringly.
"You going to come back with me now?" Zack asked hopefully. "Things are winding down a bit now." Cloud shook his head.
"I should really get some sleep," he said.
"You do look tired," Zack relented. "I guess I won't see you for a while, then. But I promise I'll be here to greet you when you get back."
Cloud shook his head.
"You can't promise that," he said. "If there's an emergency, no, even if Shinra just wants you to leave, you'll have to leave."
"No way," said Zack. "Midgar could burn to the ground and I'd still be here, waiting."
For a moment Cloud could almost imagine it.
"Oy! Zack, where've you snuck off to?" someone called out from the living room.
"Just a sec!" Zack called back.
"Goodnight, chocobo," Zack said, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.
"'Night," Cloud said. He made his way back towards the door. The other SOLDIERs called out their goodbyes as Cloud left the apartment.
As Cloud walked back to his room, he reflected on how different he was to Zack. Whereas he preferred to be on his own most of the time, Zack surrounded himself with people. Zack was loud, confident and self-assured where Cloud was quiet, shy and insecure.
'It's a wonder he puts up with me at all,' Cloud thought. 'I don't understand what he could possibly like about me.' Cloud decided it didn't matter. Clearly, Zack did like something about him. He made it obvious every moment they were together.
'And in the end, that's the only thing that's important,' Cloud decided as he was getting into bed. 'Even if it does feel like fate is set against us sometimes.'
This is a little late, I know. Circumstances beyond my control have lead to this delay. Luckily, things are finally looking like they'll return to normal (well, normal for me) so I should have more time to write. Yay.
Thank you very much to everyone who has reviewed, favourited and followed In Your Shadow. I hope you're enjoying the story.