X

"And so," Sophronia said as she lay with her head on Adam's chest, one arm thrown across him, "my parents finally gave in and allowed me to come out to San Francisco; they didn't quite believe that Louden would be an appropriate guardian, knowing him as they did, and I suppose he wasn't, but Hartford was so dull and my parents had hopes that I would marry the son of one of our family friends. I would have died of boredom, I'm certain." She playfully twirled the hair on his chest. "And now, I'm glad that I made that decision so long ago because I'm here with you. I'm Mrs. Adam Cartwright." She kissed his chest and sighed in contentment. Adam satisfied her body and her soul.

It was going on the third day of their hasty marriage and the newlyweds had not yet left Sophie's bedroom. Mrs. Handley would bring up trays of food and never meet Adam's eyes when he opened the door to take the tray from her or answer when Sophie would call out her thanks. When he and Sophie finished eating, Adam would place the tray outside the door, "like in a fine hotel," he said, laughing, and Mrs. Handley would take it away. Adam also found stacks of clean towels outside the door and he would leave the soiled linens in their place.

"Why do you say Louden wasn't a proper guardian?" Adam asked, stroking her arm gently with the tips of the fingers of one hand.

"Well, our little peccadillo should be proof of that!" She laughed and Adam chuckled. "But actually, it was that I was out one afternoon and a man approached me and told me he was an artist and that I was lovely and wanted me to pose for him. I was flattered and did but when he asked me to undress, well, I was appalled and was going to storm out but then I decided to do it. That was Mitchell and we were married a few months after. At first we lived in a seedy little hotel and spent evenings with all the other artists of San Francisco drinking wine and eating bruschetta at Martelli's and I became quite the bohemian. Oh, Adam, you should have seen me! I wore long Mexican shawls and embroidered blouses with my hair free. I had all these adopted views on politics and free love, reading Sappho and discussing Plato and his idea of perfect love-anything Mitchell espoused, I did as well. You should have heard me go on about…"

"I don't want to hear any more, Sophie."

"What?" She pulled herself up to look down at him and Adam had an odd, pained expression. "What is it, Adam?"

"I don't want to be reminded that you…that you loved another man and that you discussed such things. I know about free thinking—I was part of many discussions of the sort in college but that is all in the past. I want our love to be pure and honest and as far as I'm concerned, our lives started with that first night together. I don't want to be reminded there was someone else—and that you loved him and spent days and nights with him. Did you prefer that life, Sophie? Do you prefer that over what I have to give you?"

"No, I don't," she said. "If you knew what my life was really like—oh, I love you, Adam, and were I to have met you years ago…I can't believe that there was ever any room in my heart for anyone but you." And she bent down to kiss him, afraid that she hadn't convinced him of the depth of her love for him, her hair falling over them and making it seem that they were the only two humans left in existence. "How can I prove myself to you," she whispered. "I have given myself to you fully. I had thought that would show my trust in your love for me and mine for you. But if you want more from me, take it. I'm yours completely, your wife, your friend and your lover—yours to do with as you please."

And with that, Adam was satisfied and needed nothing else but her. Her past meant nothing.

"Louden," Sophie said, "I would like to talk to you."

Louden looked up from his book. He was in his den reading after dinner when Sophie had knocked, turned the knob and walked in. "Please don't tell me that you're going to keep Adam from playing cards with me again tonight. I swear, Sophie! He has brought out the wanton woman in you." But Louden said it lightly. It was glorious seeing Sophie so happy, laughing and becoming part of life again and he had his new brother-in-law to thank.

Sophie sat down on a chair opposite his and gathered herself.

Louden put down his book and leaned forward. "What is it, Sophie? Something is wrong."

"No, nothing's wrong. I just want to tell you that Adam and I will be leaving for Nevada tomorrow. He feels he has been away too long—it's been almost a month and he needs to return. His father wired him that there's been some trouble—some disease among the cattle."

"But, Sophie, you can't be serious about leaving. I told Adam that Mr. Bronson wants to hire him as an architect-Adam has such good ideas, why he's brilliant! And he can make more money here than working on a ranch and not dirty his hands. Don't tell me he's refused Bronson's offer!"

"Yes, he has. Money doesn't mean that much to him. We've been discussing it and Adam has decided that we will go live on the ranch, the Ponderosa. He told me about it and…well, I think it will be lovely. The way he describes it to me, it seems like Eden—so to speak." Sophie smiled at her little reference to Adam and Eden but Louden didn't smile.

"You, Sophie? You living on a ranch? Sophie, you know you won't be happy." Louden stood up and began to pace. He was agitated. He thought he had had it all worked out. Adam would work for Bronson and Sons and he and Sophie would live here in San Francisco with him. Louden didn't like being alone and he wanted them to stay. And he had come to rely so much upon his sister. She was a barrier between him and unpleasant aspects of life and he could talk to her about anything and never judge him.

"I know it seems implausible seeing how I've lived in the past, but well, it's Adam's life and when I married him, I married that as well. I tried to convince him to stay here but he is single-minded—it's part of why I love him, I suppose. I want to share his life with him and I'll adjust to life on a ranch."

"Let Adam go alone, Sophie. You stay here. You married him too quickly. You can't possibly love him. I should shoot him or hire someone to do it and have the whole thing over with."

Sophie stood up and faced Louden. "Louden, what foolishness are you talking! You want to kill my husband? You, Louden?"

"Oh, Sophie," Louden said, looking contrite. "I don't mean it—well, in a way I do. I should have shot him for dishonoring you. Then we wouldn't be having this conversation. You would have had your pleasure and that would be that. I have to admit that I like Adam very much but….oh, Sophie, please don't go. I won't be able to bear this house without you. Didn't I put up with Mitchell and all his eccentricities? He always had dried paint under his fingernails." Louden shivered in distaste. "Didn't I allow both of you total freedom of my home? Why can't you convince Adam to stay? Use your…wiles, Sophie. He is mad about you. You could withhold your favors from him—he'd capitulate soon enough, I'm sure—come crawling on his hands and knees with his tongue lolling."

"Louden, that's enough. I won't hear anymore. I do love him, Louden, and you have no idea how in just the past few weeks he has come to mean everything to me. I would sacrifice anything and everything for him including myself. I'm sorry, Louden, that you feel this way but I am leaving with him. You need to accept it." Sophie began to walk out of the room. She wanted to race up the stairs and throw herself into Adam's arms, to feel the heat of his body against hers, to hear his voice speak her name and to have her mouth possessed by his as her body and soul were possessed by him so she would be convinced that she was right in leaving her brother behind. Sophie knew she had never felt such an overwhelming passion, such a primitive need for another person but her love for Adam was tinged with sadness; she would have to leave all behind her to follow him—but follow him she would.

"Sophie, please," Louden said calling after her. She turned to him. "Can't you convince him to stay?"

"No, I can't. I tried, Louden, but he has a sense of loyalty to his family that I underestimated although I should have known. And knowing Adam as I do, should I deny him…anything, he would only grow cold and turn to someone else. He won't be manipulated and I wouldn't even try—I would lose, not he."

"But, Sophie, since he loves you, if you stay, won't he stay with you?"

She laughed derisively and then shook her head. "You don't understand him at all. If I said I was staying behind. Adam would throw me over his shoulder and carry me off and give me a quick smack on my buttocks as a reminder of who is in charge. But I wouldn't stay anyway—I couldn't do without him. I can't exist without him anymore, Louden. I wish you could understand but…" And Sophie left her brother standing in his den and hurried up the stairs to Adam. He was still upset after their argument and she hoped he wasn't angry with her; she wouldn't be able to bear it if he was.

Adam went through his clothes. If they were leaving early tomorrow, he needed to start packing. He angrily threw his clothes in his portmanteau and then stopped and paced the room. He hadn't slept in the bed since the night he first spent with Sophie. She wanted to stay in San Francisco and had argued with him about leaving. Adam told her that he couldn't imagine staying in San Francisco and working as an architect for Bronson and Sons. They had no vision and he would be confined to designing more of the same type of boxes that they were building now. He tried to explain to Sophie that his soul would die in the city; he yearned to be back where it wasn't crowded and where a man could actually breathe. Didn't Sophie understand?

And Sophie told him that as he had family, so did she. Louden was her family and he had allowed her to stay with him and to escape her parents and their plans for her. She owed her brother a great deal.

"Do you actually think, Sophie, that I would live on the largesse of your brother? Even if we stayed in San Francisco, we wouldn't live here—we would have our own house."

"But you want me to live with your family on that ranch. Why not here with Louden?"

"It's not 'that ranch.' It's the Ponderosa. It's the product of hard work and our sweat and our blood and I designed the final structure—it's a part of me just as you are now and I want you there. I want you to share that life with me, Sophie. It's what I am."

She said nothing, just sat heavily on the bed. Adam dropped to one knee in front of her and held her small hands in his.

"Look at me, Sophie."

She raised her eyes and looked at him and she knew it was hopeless; she would go with him.

"Please. I love you and I want you to share my life. Louden can come visit us or you, him."

"Yes," she said. She removed one of her hands from his and touched his cheek. He was so achingly beautiful. "You should be the model for a painting of Sir Lancelot, the knight that the Lady of Shalott saw reflected in her mirrors. 'The mirror cracked from side to side—the curse is come upon me…' You have taken away the shadows, Adam, but now I see things all too clearly and it is a curse. Lancelot had coal-black curls as well." Sophie played with the waves that ran through Adam's hair. "If Lancelot looked like you, I can see why she died of love for him."

Adam kissed her hand that he still held. "Sophie, don't be so morose. See this as the start of your new life—this is a beginning."

"Yes, Adam." Sophie stood up and Adam rose. He wanted Sophie to be more than just resigned to going with him, he wanted her to be eager and happy but he realized that he was asking too much and it made him wonder if he shouldn't stay longer, to give her more time. But he yearned to return to the Ponderosa—it called to him just as a lover would, just as Sophie did. He had to have them both.

"I'll tell Louden," Adam said. "He should hear it from me."

"No, please," Sophie said, putting her hands on Adam's chest to stop him. "I should be the one-please, Adam. I'll talk to him."

"Sophie. Let me talk to him man to man."

"Let me talk to him as a sister and her beloved brother. Please, Adam. Please."

So Adam had conceded and now he was angry with himself. But there was a knock on the door and then Sophie walked in.

"I told him, Adam." And she ran to him and he clasped her to him, kissing her hair as she hugged him. Adam knew how it must have pained her.

"I love you, Sophie. I'll show you every minute of every day."

"I know, Adam," she said, her voice strangled. "But it doesn't matter because I love you—I need you now and I couldn't live anywhere but with you. That would be merely existing otherwise."

TBC