The Shitennou have been warriors, soldiers, agents, rogues and Kings in their time, but it is their chief calling above all others to serve mankind. Together they form an unequaled partnership. Their skills and talents, diverse as they may be, are magnified to their peak within the fraternity that no man may enter. Together they strive to keep all men safe from harm, to maintain the ebb and flow of the planet, and forever serve our best interests.
Adins Presents
"My Four Kings"
Today's Episode: Roadhouse Blues
"Order up!" Kunzite shouted from kitchen as he threw a plate full of greasy pub fare onto the steel counter and slid it down to the waiting hands of Jadeite who was running back and forth across the restaurant like a mad man taking orders and delivering dishes.
"All right, fuck!" Zoisite complained as he leaned through the window between the bar and kitchen area, "I need a double bacon cheeseburger medium well, fries, large order of onion rings, order of chili, and a half-rack of ribs."
"You want a side of blood thinner with that?" Nephrite joked just quietly enough that the dozen or so patrons sitting at his bar couldn't hear him, "That can't be all for one person."
"Who cares who it's for?" Kunzite asked and snatched the order from Zoisite, pinning it onto a cork strip behind the counter, "How many times do I have to tell you not to judge the customers?"
"At least once more." Nephrite replied.
"Hey can I grab another Miller Lite?" one of the patrons at the bar shouted.
"No problem, my man." Nephrite replied with genuine enthusiasm as he spun around and grabbed the man's glass off the bar.
"I'm going to need to take a break here soon." Zoisite whined at Kunzite through the window, "My feet are killing me and I feel like my left knee is going to pop out of its socket."
"Eat some Tylenol and get back out on the floor." Kunzite ordered in his usual commanding monotone, "I've got orders backing up, the soda fountains are running out of CO2 and we're only halfway through the dinner rush."
There was a collective roar from one end of the bar as a group of customers all watching a football game on one of the televisions cheered a touchdown pass. Nephrite stood off to one side wiping a pitcher with a rag and making off-color comments about the referees that all the patrons found utterly hilarious. Zoisite groaned, grabbed his notebook and slogged back onto the floor again.
The Four Kings Bar and Grill had been open for almost two months and against all odds had managed to establish itself as a excellent place to kill a few hours. Tonight it was filled almost to capacity with easily over a hundred people filling the tables and booths. Local media reviewed the fare as being excellent with sizeable portions and decent variety. Reviews also pointed to the rustic, cobbled-together nature of the restaurant's décor. They also mentioned, unanimously, that the restaurant could at times seem woefully understaffed and that the "four kings" themselves strived to run the establishment on their own. The stress, exhaustion, and endless hours were beginning to fray the fragile nerves of the formerly fearless foursome.
"Kunzite, table eight wants a side of coleslaw and I need you to throw this steak back for a few minutes, guy says it's not done well enough." Jadeite said quickly as he flipped through his order book.
Nephrite for his part was content to tend the bar, sometimes turning his duties over to Jadeite when the elder King was required to tend the barbecue pits. He'd already formed friendships with several return guests and was, in an unheard-of turn of character, rather social and genial when he was mixing drinks and wiping down the bar. Jadeite tended to act as head waiter and cook when needed as did Zoisite. Kunzite occupied the majority of his time in the kitchen and while his job was arguably the hardest and he had been suffering through on only a few hours of sleep per night his culinary prowess was unaffected and rapidly gaining notoriety.
"Okay I need a boneless wing basket, mild, Cajun chicken wrap with no lettuce and two orders of breaded eggplant." Zoisite shouted through the window, "Oh, and a lady wants to know if we can make the stir-fry quesadilla without soy sauce?"
Unfortunately he knew that both he and his associates were reaching their breaking points. There were only so many hours in each day to get done all the paperwork and accounting involved in keeping the restaurant afloat. They were all sorely lacking in spare time and given their stubborn refusal to hire any outside help they were all required to be at the restaurant from open to close every day. If one of them wasn't there the operations would simply halt, which was unacceptable considering their sizable investment and growing reputation. Mercifully, however, Mamoru had yet to make his presence known in the roadhouse which was a welcome comfort. While loyal to the point of death, Kunzite dreaded the thought of his master interfering in the restaurant's affairs.
"Kunzite!" Jadeite shouted and snapped the older king out of his ponderings, "Are you listening?"
"Side of slaw, steak too rare, mild wing basket, Cajun wrap no lettuce, two breaded eggplants." Kunzite replied quickly, "And no, we can't take the soy sauce out of the stir fry quesadilla, then it's not a stir fry."
Zoisite nodded and walked away leaving Jadeite to ask, "How the hell do you do that?"
"Subconscious multitasking." Kunzite replied as though anyone in their right mind should have been able to figure it out on their own, "Are all the ketchup bottles out there full?"
"Yeah, I filled them before the last rush." Jadeite replied, "Listen, I think—"
"Salt and pepper shakers, too?"
"Yes." Jadeite replied slightly annoyed, "I've been thinking about—"
"What about the restrooms, has anyone checked those out lately?"
"They're fine, dude. Listen to me!" Jadeite begged, "I think we have to—"
"For Christ's sake, Jadeite, spit it out!" Kunzite fumed and slapped his spatula down on the steel counter, "I'm busy as shit back here!"
Jadeite narrowed his eyes at the elder king and was about to vocalize a terribly unprofessional comment when he heard the unmistakable sound of glass shattering behind him. A group of college students sitting together at a table let out a chorus of laughter and pointed accusatory fingers at one of their friends whose beverage glass was laying in pieces on the hardwood floor. Jadeite sighed heavily and grabbed the nearby dust pan, leaving his fruitless conversation with Kunzite for another time.
As Jadeite stalked across the floor the front door opened and a blonde man wearing a threadbare blue suit staggered in making his way straight up to the bar. He sat near the corner in the one unoccupied stool and slammed his wallet down which caused the bowls of peanuts and the other patron's drinks to jump. It also served to draw Nephrite's attention.
"Well take a gander over here, gents!" Nephrite called to the rest of the bar crowd and inexplicably began sporting a pirate-like accent, "It be none other than me best grog-swiller, Master Andrew Arlington his'self!"
Some of the more inebriated drinkers at the bar issued cheerful greetings and spotty applause, but Andrew ignored it. Nephrite grabbed a glass off the shelf which sat by itself and had the name "Andy" scribbled on it with a Sharpie, underlined and outlined with stars. He poured a beer and set it on a coaster in front of Andrew who sucked down half the pint in one gulp.
"Methinks the fair Master Andrew had another hard day at sea?" Nephrite asked his favorite patron.
"Give the stupid pirate shit a rest." Andrew ordered and ripped his foggy, dirty glasses off his face, "I wouldn't come here if I had the choice."
"Aye, and what choice be that, mate?" Nephrite asked refusing to drop his spot-on Robert Newton-as-Long John Silver impression.
"That I'm a raging violent alcoholic and this is the only place that still serves me." Andrew confessed and took another large gulp of ale.
"And here I've been thinkin' ye just come for the wit and whimsy!" Nephrite joked back.
"I lost everything when Crown Realty fired me." Andrew said almost on the verge of tears and Nephrite almost stopped him, this being about the eighteenth time he had heard the story, "Here I promised my bosses I was going to sell a six-figure art-deco dream and I ended up getting talked down almost fifteen percent on a tax-incentive industrial prefab!"
"Wow, tough break dude." One of the mostly inebriated patrons droned in Andrew's direction.
"I can't go back into realty now! I've got my masters collecting dust on a shelf! I graduated second in my class from Penn, for God's sake! On top of that shit I had to terminate the lease on my apartment. My mother won't even talk to me, I had to move in with Mamoru again, and this morning I woke up to find some little pissant fifteen-year-old gangsta wannabe spray-painted "Ninth Street Gank Squad" on my Hyundai!"
"I thought you drove some big Ford Explorer?" Nephrite questioned, accent-less.
"That was a company car." Andrew growled back. He rubbed one of his eyes and glowered up at a largely apathetic Nephrite, "You sons of bitches ruined me!"
"Aye that we did, mate, that we did!" Nephrite agreed in pirate voice and refilled Andrew's beer, "But yer always welcome at this here tap house."
"Yeah. Thanks." Andrew replied almost appreciatively and returned to drowning his sorrows.
"Order up!" Kunzite shouted from the kitchen and both Jadeite and Zoisite ran for the plate, running into each other in their race to get there first.
Nephrite chuckled to himself and went about his work of cleaning glasses and refilling thirsty patrons. Suddenly his simple tasks became mind-bendingly complicated logic puzzles when he noticed a familiar tan trench coat filled by one Ms. Lydia Tanner a.k.a. Lita walk through the door of the restaurant. Her large emerald eyes scanned the room for a moment before coming to rest with urgency on Nephrite as though she were only looking around to avoid being accused of staring in the first place. She made her way to the bar and pulled out a seat next to Andrew which had recently vacated.
"Hey Andy. Still an alcoholic?" she asked the ex-realtor nonchalantly.
"Hey Lita. Still an insufferable whore?" Andrew replied without looking up from his beer.
Lita smirked at Andrew's sullen reply and draped her coat over the back of her chair. Nephrite had already placed a Manhattan on the bar in front of her and dropped the cherry in just as she sat down.
"One of these days you two need to explain this bad blood between you." Nephrite said amusedly.
"No, I prefer watching you try to figure it out." Lita said and ignited the tip of a cigarette, "You make this adorable little chipmunk face when you're thinking really hard."
Andy groaned audibly at the flirt and excused himself to the bathroom. Nephrite chuckled and refilled his beer, shooting glances at the grinning Lita in half-second intervals. She had been coming to the bar regularly for the last two weeks and even in light of her admittedly frosty exit on their first meeting Nephrite had become somewhat enamored with her. Lita explained she was dealing with a messy break-up at the time, but offered little more in the way of personal information. They stuck to amusing each other with anecdotes and witty observations of the restaurant's sometimes colorful patrons. Nephrite was not a man known for his patience, but he was showing remarkable restraint in making any advances on Lita. It was something the other Shitennou perceived as dangerous for it could only mean Nephrite was truly interested in her. Such a phenomenon was previously thought to be a myth with the self-proclaimed King of Bachelors.
"So I've got my ninety-day review of this place coming up." Lita mentioned and twirled her cherry in her drink, "Anything I should know about beforehand?"
"Just the usual." Nephrite replied, "Salmonella, Giardia, E. coli in the ground beef."
"I think I saw some junkies trading a needle out by the barbecue pit, too." Lita joked and elicited a chuckle from Nephrite, "You guys seem to have pulled it off."
"Well we're working like dogs to do it." Nephrite said and slid a pitcher of Budweiser down the bar to a waiting patron.
"Speaking of dogs, how's that mutt that broke into your house?" Lita asked as she smoked.
"Oh, William Shatner is doing fine." Nephrite replied and pulled a rag out of his belt to wipe down a section of the bar, "He's actually taken quite a shine to Zoisite so he sleeps up in his room and Zoi takes care of him. Weirdest shit I ever saw."
"You never figured out where he came from?" Lita inquired.
"Nope." Nephrite answered, "Nearest we can tell he just wandered in. Can't figure out how; all the doors and windows were closed and Mamoru said he had nothing to do with it."
Andrew returned from the restroom and just as he was sitting down Lita stole the glass of beer from under his nose and took a big sip of it, smacking her lips and replacing the booze on his coaster. Andrew growled in his throat at the sight of the half-moon of pink lipstick left on the rim of his glass. He shoved it away and Nephrite fetched him a new one with a hearty guffaw.
"Andy, you're so cute when you're powerless." Lita giggled and slapped him playfully on the shoulder.
Andrew shoved her hand away, grabbed his drink and stormed away from the bar to a booth in the corner that was dark and unoccupied. Nephrite shook his head and threw his towel over his shoulder, glancing at Lita with a slightly disapproving smirk.
"What, are you going to tell me to go easy on him?" she asked brattily, "Don't hurt his fragile little feelings?"
"No, I'm going to ask you to go easy on him so you don't drive away my best customer." Nephrite answered and leaned down on the bar to be face-to-face, "I'd hate to have to throw you out for unruly behavior."
"That so?" she asked through a wisp of smoke, "How far do you think you could throw me?"
"Depends on how good of a grip I get." Nephrite replied lecherously.
"And where would you could grab me that would be the most…" Lita paused and pressed the tip of her tongue up against one of her incisors, "… aerodynamic?"
Nephrite, feeling confident that this exchange of racy flirtation was finally going somewhere built up his courage for a real crusher, but before he got the chance a horrible sound broke his concentration. It was the signature wail of a speaker feeding back. It whined and whistled loudly for a few seconds before silencing much to the relief of the startled customers. Nephrite glanced over at the small raised stage where the karaoke equipment was housed to behold a worrisome sight.
Mamoru had at some point entered the restaurant and was now sitting up on the tiny stage on a stool with an acoustic guitar in his lap. He was dressed in all black and was sporting an insanely oversized cowboy hat that looked like black felt hot-glued onto a homemade cardboard frame. He tapped on the microphone a few dozen times, blew into it and deftly strummed his guitar.
"Jesus H. Christ, when did this happen?" Nephrite asked, his previous exchanges with Lita forgotten in light of his building dread.
"Nephrite!" Kunzite called through the kitchen window and waved him down.
Nephrite walked over and leaned through, keeping his eyes on Mamoru the whole time who was shifting the microphone stand around, up and down trying to get it in the right spot. Nephrite turned to the older king and registered the look of utter hopelessness on Kunzite's face.
"You need to contain this situation if it gets out of hand." Kunzite more or less ordered.
"Yeah." Nephrite agreed and gulped hard.
On the other side of the restaurant Jadeite was clearing a table where a pair of blonde-haired women were sitting. They were both in their early twenties and with blue eyes and features so similar they could be mistaken for twins. Had he not been so overworked Jadeite may have noticed that they were very easy on the eyes, but tonight he was too far gone from constant motion and the rigors of table-waiting. Just as he was clearing the last of their plates one of the girls tugged on his sleeve.
"Yeah?" he asked somewhat distantly.
"Do you know what this guy's name is?" she asked motioning to the karaoke stage.
Jadeite turned around and his eyes shook in their sockets. Mamoru was sitting there tuning up his guitar and smiling dumbly out into the audience of restaurant patrons. Jadeite hadn't even noticed his arrival or set-up. With an inward groan he turned back to the two girls and answered.
"That's Mamoru."
"Mamoru!" the blonde said excitedly and slapped her friend on the arm, "I told you it started with an M!"
Jadeite couldn't help but think to himself that these girls looked awfully familiar. The one who had questioned him wore her hair in twin pigtails. She was attractive, very much so now that he took the time to study her. Her face looked lively, energetic, but with a definite gentleness. She wasn't dressed in overly revealing clothes, but her brand-name jeans and light blue baby-tee definitely outlined a well-toned figure. The girl sitting next to her looked so much like her it was scary, but her face read mischief and she was more dolled-up, wearing obvious quantities of makeup and letting her long, slightly-curled hair hang loose all around her.
"So are you friends with him or something?" The first girl asked.
"Oh." Jadeite replied, startled, "Kind of. He's like a friend to the family I guess. Can I ask you something?"
The girls nodded and if they were taken aback by Jadeite's abruptness it didn't show.
"Have we met?" he asked, "You two seem awfully familiar."
"Yes." The second blonde, the one with the loose hair replied, "In your dreams last night. We were there, giving you every earthly pleasure you desired."
"Mina!" the first girl shrieked with a giggle and punched her partner in the arm, "I can't believe you!"
Jadeite's brow began to moisten and it was taking every ounce of his considerable will to keep a straight face. He became acutely aware of an involuntary tightness beginning to develop in his pants …
"Don't listen to her." She told him, "My name is Usagi, this is my roommate Mina. I don't think we've ever met."
"Huh." Jadeite said, turned, and excused himself with a quickness. Mina giggled as she sipped on a margarita. Usagi rolled her eyes and watched Mamoru continue his preparations.
"Uh… testing?" he asked into the microphone and got a few odd responses from the crowd.
"So this is the guy, huh?" Mina asked, "Do you think he's ever going to notice you're sitting here?"
"I don't know, maybe he's one of those 'don't bother me, I'm working' type musicians." Usagi answered, "Musician. Huh. He speaks like eighteen languages, he's going to med school and he's musical."
"If he can cook and doesn't mind taking a few trips down south I'd say he's perfect." Mina commented.
"God, can you think about anything else?" Usagi asked only half jokingly, half annoyed, "I gave him my number like two months ago and he never called me."
"Maybe he's into brunettes." Mina thought aloud.
"Or maybe he just forgot." Usagi added, "I told you, he's like the absent-minded professor. The guy seemed genuinely intelligent when I met him, just sort of scattered."
"So why does that attract you?" Mina asked dismissively, "I wouldn't be able stand a guy like that."
"Yes you would." Usagi rebuked her, "You'd lead them around for a while because they don't know any better, make them buy you expensive shit, then leave them heartbroken and penniless."
"You know me too well." Mina replied and clinked the edge of her margarita against Usagi's water glass.
Mamoru strummed his guitar again and stepped up to the microphone, "Hey everyone! So, you guys like Johnny Cash?"
The majority of patrons in the restaurant voiced their approval and Mamoru cleared his throat, pitching his voice down several octaves and re-introduced himself in a startlingly good impression of the Man in Black, "Hello. I'm Johnny Cash."
With that he launched into a rendition of "Folsom Prison Blues" which was met with applause and some sparse sing-along. Up at the bar Nephrite was having trouble keeping his jaw off the floor. Zoisite and Jadeite were huddled near him and Kunzite was even leaning out of the kitchen partition to get a better glimpse. To their utter shock and relief Mamoru was actually a decent Johnny Cash impersonator. He worked his way through most of the Live at Folsom Prison set list and even mixed in a few Everly Brothers tunes for variety. No one had expected Mamoru's sudden and unannounced visit would be anything but disastrous, but fate, it seemed, continually liked to whip curve balls towards the Shitennou.
"Who else knew he could do this?" Zoisite asked, dumbfounded.
"I didn't even know Mamoru could form a coherent sentence let alone sing a Johnny Cash set." Jadeite answered and was rewarded with a smack upside the head from Kunzite for sass.
Nephrite grinned and turned back to where Lita was sitting expecting to pick up their sultry conversation, but his heart sank when he saw she wasn't there anymore. Andrew had reclaimed his seat at the bar and was chortling mildly to himself as he examined the bottom of his beer glass.
"You poor bastard." Andrew drawled in inebriation, "You have no idea what she's gonna do to you."
"No, but I do aim to find out." Nephrite assured him, not heeding Andrew's veiled warning.
A few hours later the restaurant was closed. The chairs were stacked upside-down on the tables, Kunzite counted out the receipts, and everyone was looking forward to a hot shower and some uninterrupted sleep. It was a Friday night and in a rare maneuver the Four Kings would be closed on a Saturday to prepare for Sunday, which was none other than Super Bowl Sunday. They were going to transport their own 65-inch flat screen from their home to the restaurant for the day and host an all-out gluttonous gala that would cement The Four Kings Bar and Grill as the place to go for any major televised sporting event. Mamoru was packing up and chatting with a pair of blondeswho happened stay after closing time.
"Do you remember me?" Usagi asked as she handed a pile of guitar picks to a sweaty, hoarse-voiced Mamoru.
"Of course!" he announced happily, "You're the girl from the gym that day! You had the silver necklace."
"You do certainly have a fixation on that necklace, don't you?" Usagi asked him, "I gave you my number and told you to call me when this place got running!"
"I know, I'm sorry." Mamoru apologized, "But I got sidetracked with other stuff. I was going to call, but my friends, the guys who run the restaurant, they were always asking me for help with stuff and I just ran out of time!"
"Well, don't sweat it." Usagi said cheerfully, "I'm here now! I didn't know you were a musician."
"I'm not, really. I can only play Johnny Cash songs." Mamoru answered, "And, like, a couple others."
"I wish I could play an instrument." Usagi said and suddenly a guitar was thrust in her face.
"Try it out!" Mamoru suggested enthusiastically.
She laughed and tentatively stood up. The guitar strap was much too long on her and the guitar hung down near her waist, but she made do. Mamoru showed her how to maneuver her fingers into a proper chord and she strummed the guitar once, but got a discordant sound which elicited a chuckle from Mamoru and Mina. She tried again and got it right and simply stood there playing the same chord for a few seconds.
"See, it's not that hard." Mamoru said, "If I teach you two more chords you can play a whole Johnny Cash album!"
Usagi nodded and lifted the guitar off. As she pulled the strap over her head an exposed link on her necklace caught the material and pulled her silver crystal pendant out from under her shirt. She hadn't intentionally hidden it, but she was trying to make some headway with Mamoru without him spending a half hour staring dreamily into its glittering facets. The necklace undid itself, travelling with the guitar strap and then detached, falling on the floor at Mamoru's feet. Mina reactively pointed at the pendant and Mamoru followed her finger to the shining object. He impulsively extended his hand towards the pendant and leaned forward…
The four Shitennou standing around the bar suddenly grew cold where they stood and their eyes snapped towards Mamoru. There was no time to react; he was already reaching for it. Time seemed to stand still even though only seconds were passing.
Kunzite forgot himself and shouted: "ENDYMION!"
Mamoru grabbed the pendant off the ground and his mouth hung slightly open as some sort of paralysis struck him. Kunzite's hand reactively shot to his pocket wherein he kept Endymion's Golden Crystal. When his hand touched it he was burned. The crystal began to glow and he patted at it trying to smother it like a flame, but it wouldn't extinguish. It burnt a hole through his pocket and fell out onto the floor where it radiated with white-hot light and emitted a high-pitched drone. Mamoru began to shudder where he stood and his eyes rolled back in his head.
"Hey, are you alright?" Usagi asked and reached out to grab Mamoru's hand.
She touched him and immediately something took hold of her senses. It was a familiar feeling, not unlike slipping into a well-worn coat. It was warm and soothing; a curious feeling like a static charge swept over her body and she felt utterly content. She almost lapsed into complete complacency, but saw Mamoru's tremors growing more and more violent. She was, however, frozen in place, unable to move and unable to speak.
Jadeite reacted quickly, all of this passing in mere moments. He flipped on the multi-colored laser disco ball that hung in the rafters near the karaoke stage and rushed out towards Mamoru. Nephrite followed suit and soon they had Mamoru on the ground biting down on a wad of napkins, still shaking violently. Zoisite pulled the silver pendant out of Mamoru's grasp and flung it at Usagi as though it were poisoned. Mamoru's tremors slowed and eventually abated, but he was unconscious. The Shitennou crowded around him, checking his vitals, and Kunzite stood to address Usagi and Mina.
"I think it's time for you girls to leave." He said in a grave voice.
"What happened to him?" Usagi asked with genuine concern, "Is he going to be okay?"
"Absolutely!" Jadeite announced, trying his best to sound upbeat, "He had an epileptic seizure from that damn disco ball. I don't know who turned it on!"
"Oh, I didn't even realize!" Usagi told Kunzite as though she were to blame, "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, you can leave." Kunzite replied as icy as he had been in quite some time, "Now."
Usagi and Mina obliged the imposing king, grabbed their coats, and exited the restaurant in silence. Kunzite turned back to the Shitennou with a grimace and knelt down next to Mamoru. He had stabilized, his heart was beating normally, but his eyes were shut tight and they quivered behind his eyelids; a telltale sign that his brain was working double-time. Kunzite stood, looked up at the flashing, spinning laser-shooting sphere above him and glowered. The ball shorted out, sparked, and then went dark.
"Don't." He said roughly when he saw Zoisite about to question his actions.
The other three watched him move across the floor to the bar where they had been standing before this episode occurred. There on the floor the Golden Crystal sat dim, but untarnished. The floor around the crystal had been reduced to charcoal in a two-foot diameter. Part of the bar that met the floor was singed, and one shot glass that had fallen to the ground was melted. The Shitennou laid Mamoru on the karaoke stage and one by one moved to form a circle around where the crystal lay. Kunzite bent down, grabbed the crystal off the ground and set it down on the bar where it rolled in a tight circle and settled.
Nephrite tilted his head back, rubbed his eyes and said, "I think it's time we talked about this."
Kunzite looked him over, the rest of the Shitennou as well, and answered: "Agreed."