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I'm going to post another one-shot beofre I post the next chapter. Sorry to all of you who want me to do nothing but this.
I've changed the "drama" filter on this fic to "parody," because I get the feeling that a few of you are taking this fic a bit too seriously.
Soifon paced her kitchen, gnawing on a dry piece of toast. It was the day after the party an Soifon didn't feel much like eating.
At first, Soifon had been absolutely distraught upon discovering Yoruichi's infidelity first hand. That feeling of sadness quickly gave away to confusion. Eventually, she settled on anger. Soifon hadn't done anything to push Yoruichi away from her, so the blame rested wholly on the other woman. Soifon didn't need to feel sorry for herself, she needed to be furious with the newest ex.
Soifon's head snapped to the sound of her ringing cell phone. Picking it up, Soifon's eyes narrowed as she read the name displayed in the "incoming call" window. It was Yoruichi.
Most people avoid their ex's as if they were some type of disease, but not Soifon. Soifon wasn't one for passive-aggressiveness. The Chinese girl reveled in open confrontation.
"What do you want!" Soifon demanded as she answered the cellular device.
"Good, you're up." Yoruichi replied. Before the sentence was over, Soifon heard a knocking on her door. She walked over and gazed through the peep-hole. Sure enough, there was Yoruichi, pounding on the door. Angrily, Soifon threw the threshold open.
"What are you doing here?" Soifon glared. "I have precious few days completely off and I don't want to waste any more of them with you." She nearly spat.
"Please, Soifon," Yoruichi pleaded. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy and they had dark bags under them. "We need to talk."
"What's there to talk about?" Soifon asked sardonically. "You cheated on me and now we're over." Soifon went to throw the door shut, but Yoruichi jammed her foot in the doorway. Yoruichi winced at the pain, thankful that she was wearing tennis shoes.
"I wouldn't be here if things were so simple." Yoruichi said solemnly as she took a hold of the door. Reluctantly, Soifon relented and let the other woman in.
Yoruichi and Soifon sat on opposite ends of Soifon small dining table. The better part of twenty minutes had passed without either of them saying a word. Soifon sat with her arms and legs crossed, glaring, while Yoruichi sat slumped over the table, as if she were agonizing over what to say. The ticking of Soifon's wall clock seemed deafening in the tense silence.
"I'm a nymphomaniac!" Yoruichi blurted out unexpectedly.
"What!" Soifon laughed.
"Please don't laugh, Soifon." Yoruichi pleaded.
"Why?" Soifon asked innocently. "It's a funny joke. Is that the best excuse you could come up with? Do you honestly expect me to believe that?"
"It's not an excuse, Soi." Yoruichi said sadly.
"You could have said you were drunk." Soifon suggested. "Or someone could have slipped something in your drink. But you decided that you would use some made up condition instead." Soifon leaned back in her chair. "It's an interesting tactic, I'll give you that."
"It's not made up." Yoruichi said a little angrily.
"Yes, that's why you can't find it in any of the Psychological diagnosis handbooks." Soifon quipped. Yoruichi looked at her, wide eyed. "I've taken several psychology courses. Don't think you can play me for the fool."
"Look, Soifon." Yoruichi said a little sternly. "I've spent the last three years traveling all over Japan, trying to find help. I've been to more doctors than I can count, but I finally found someone who could help me here. I've been going to Dr. Unohana since I moved here and…"
"Retsu Unohana is the only notable thing in this town." Soifon interrupted. "Do you really think bringing her up gives your sap story and credibility?"
"Listen to me. I had sex with two complete strangers last night and I didn't enjoy either time." Yoruichi defended.
"Oh, that makes everything okay." Soifon feigned pity. "It's only cheating if you enjoy it."
"And I almost missed out second date because I was masturbating." Yoruichi said, ignoring Soifon stinging sarcasm.
"You just keep on digging yourself deeper." Soifon chided. She was enjoying this. Every barb caused Yoruichi visible discomfort.
"Don't you see, Soifon?" Yoruichi asked desperately. "I have a problem!"
"Your only problem is that you're a whore." Soifon said flatly without any hint of humor.
"Your right," Yoruichi slumped down. "I'm a whore, I'm a slut, I'm a cum-sponge, I'm whatever name you want to call me because there all true."
"That's quite the level of self awareness for a cum-sponge." Soifon sneered.
"Please," Yoruichi whispered. She didn't know how much more she could take of this. "Wednesday, I have an appointment with Dr. Unohana. I want you to come with me."
"Why should I?" Soifon asked. "I don't owe you anything."
"I know that you hate me right now." Yoruichi replied. "I know I do. But you at least deserve to hear all this from someone you can trust is telling the truth."
"Even if Unohana says that what you're saying is true," Soifon meet Yoruichi's eyes. "What do you think will happen? Do you think that I will forgive you and take you back?"
"No," Yoruichi said, a little chocked. "I'm just hoping that you'll hat me a little bit less."
"Hate you less!" Soifon scoffed. "You cheated on me, in front of me and behind my back, as I've found out today, with two different guys! What could anyone say to make me hate you less?"
"Please, just come with me Wednesday." Yoruichi pleaded. "That's all I ask. After that, I'll disappear from your life.
"Fine," Soifon relented. It was an offer too good to pass up. Too often her ex's tried for months to rekindle the romance. "But I will hold you to your word."
"You seem deeply troubled," Unohana looked up from her clipboard. "Do you care to talk about what is bothering you?"
"I messed up." Yoruichi stopped pitting her fingernails long enough to speak. "Big time."
"Tell me what happened." Unohana asked gently.
"Soifon invited me to this party. I didn't want to go, for obvious reasons, but she seemed so excited, so I went anyway. We got separated and the next thing I know I'm bent over the foot board of a bed with some stranger behind me and she walks into the room." Yoruichi related in a constrained voice. "Now, Soifon hates my guts." Yoruichi hunched over. "I don't blame her."
"I see," Unohana sighed. "I must admit that I feel partially responsible for all this."
"What? Why?' Yoruichi blinked.
"Every therapists does everything they can to prevent it, but they all plan for and expect for their patient to relapse into their undesirable habits, at least once." Unohana explained. "You hadn't had sex with anyone since before you started seeing me, correct?"
"Two months when I got here." Yoruichi confirmed.
"I figured that it was about time for your relapse. That's why I gave you your schedule. I hoped to induce your relapse in a safe and controlled environment. Rather than you fail in controlling your urges with a stranger, I would rather have you fail with yourself." Unohana continued.
"I didn't expect, however, for you to keep to the schedule so well." Unohana reclined in her chair. "I expected you to fail within a week or two. When you didn't, I should have told you to stop the exercise, but I didn't have anything else for you to do. This is relatively uncharted waters, and I've been feeling my way though the dark." Unohana confessed.
"So where does that leave my treatment?" Yoruichi asked.
"I'm going to schedule you for a half-an hour rather than an hour, just as a weekly check up until I figure out what to do. I understand that certain items and paraphernalia were labeled contraband by your other therapists, correct?" Yoruichi nodded. "I am lifting that ban. I want you to use whatever means necessary to keep yourself from endangering your health." The two women fell silent for a while.
"You said that Soifon now "hates your guts," why is that?" Unohana asked.
"Because I never told her about the way I am." Yoruichi confessed.
"Why not?" Unohana asked.
"Because…" Yoruichi hesitated. "Because I thought I was past all this. I thought I was getting better." Unohana held up her hand, signaling for her to stop.
"Not once since you have been coming here have I ever used the words cure or recovery." Unohana elaborated. "This is not something you can truly get over, shot of rewiring your brain. What we have strived for here is managing your impulses, not erasing them."
"You mean that I'm not ever going to get better." Yoruichi asked hopelessly.
"That's not what I said." Unohana said soothingly. "While it is true that you will be struggling with you condition for the rest of your life, that doesn't mean that you will never be able to control yourself."
"But I'll never be able to be in a healthy relationship unless…" Unohana raised her hand again, halting Yoruichi's frantic speech.
"You need to be honest from the beginning." Unohana replied calmly.
"About that," Yoruichi hesitated. "I managed to convince Soifon to come with me here today so that you could talk to her about…" Unohana cut her off.
"I am not a relationship councilor." Unohana interjected.
"I'm not asking you for that!" Yoruichi clarified. "I just want you to explain to her my condition. She doesn't believe me. She laughed when I told her…" Yoruichi trailed off, remembering how much that scoffing laugh had stung, still stung. Unohana looked up at her wall clock. Sighing, Unohana relented.
"I have a few minutes before my next appointment, I'll peak to her." Unohana stood and followed Yoruichi to the door.
Soifon sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office, very angrily flipping through the pages of a medical magazine. She was under the impression that she would be called in to talk with Unohana and Yoruichi about the latter's supposed "condition," but she had sat in the waiting room for an hour instead.
Soifon was at a loss at what Yoruichi hopped to accomplish. If she was a "nymphomaniac" like she claimed, then was Soifon really expected to take her back? How was it fair to her to stay with someone who would probably be pathologically unfaithful?
All eyes snapped up at the sound of the door opening. Yoruichi exited the room. Behind her, a tall, motherly looking figure stood in the doorway with hair braided down her chest rather than her back.
"Soifon?" Unohana asked to the occupants of the room. Soifon looked up and met the woman's eyes. "Please come with me for a few moments." Unohana beckoned for the girl. Soifon rose, glaring at Yoruichi for making her wait so long. Yoruichi didn't meet her eyes. She merely stared at the ground and rubbed her arm meekly.
"Please take a seat." Unohana waved to the chair in front of her desk one the door to her office was closed. Soifon complied. Unohana took a seat behind her desk and turned on the electric kettle on her desk.
"I only have a few minutes before my next appointment, so you'll have to excuse my brevity." Unohana said apologetically as she removed a box of teabags from her desk. "I do not normally do this sort of thing, but I have decided to make an exception due to the extraordinary circumstances."
"Before I begin, I must make one thing perfectly clear." Unohana looked Soifon directly in her eyes. "What is said in this room must never leave it. I am putting my practice in grave danger by telling you anything, no matter how mundane the detail, and I am trusting you to keep all of this confidential." Soifon nodded wordlessly.
"Yoruichi suffers from hypersexual activity disorder." Unohana explained. "Essentially, that means that her sex drive never shuts off. It is constantly telling her to find a sexual partner, regardless of the gender."Soifon looked at Unohana skeptically.
"I understand you skepticism. I was apprehensive to treat her at first as well. Human sexuality is so subjective that it is hard to tell what is healthy and what isn't. But I can safely say that Yoruichi's sexual urges are at a highly unhealthy level. They have interrupted her entire life. She was unable to finish her schooling because of them and has been unable to keep a permanent residence for too long because of the reputation she gains."
Soifon's eyes widened at that revelation.
So she's been lying to me from the beginning, on top of probably cheating on me from me from the start! Soifon raged.
"We have only just met, so I am not going to presume to tell you what to do." Unohana said resolutely. "I am instead going to tell you what Yoruichi needs. Yoruichi needs someone who is going to be supportive and, more importantly, forgiving." Unohana opened her mouth to continue, but was interrupted by an opening door.
"Dr. Unohana?" A tall, busty, white haired girl asked at the door. Unohana looked up. "Your next appointment is waiting for you."
"Send her in, Isane." Unohana smiled. "I am afraid that this is all I have time for." Unohana bid farewell to her guest and Soifon left the room, unsure how she felt about what she had just heard.
"Here you are," Yoruichi said sadly as she pulled up to Soifon's apartment. Soifon said nothing as she exited the vehicle. She didn't slam the door like before, though.
Silently, with an aching heart, Yoruichi watched Soifon enter the lobby of her building. Leaning over the steering wheel, Yoruichi struggled to keep herself from crying.
Oh God, Yoruichi though as she clutched her chest. Is this how Kiuske felt? How many people have I done this to?