Somebody
By. Misery's-Toll
Chapter Ten: Fade Out
It's not meant to be like this
Not what I planned at all
I don't want to feel like this
So that makes it all your fault
Inside-out, Upside-down, twisting beside myself
Stop that now
You're as close as it gets without touching me
- "The Walk" by Imogen Heap
"Yeah,
so I'm having a
totally hot house party tonight
and
you should definitely come!"
I don't know
how many times I've
heard those words uttered from
Ino's lips
and
school hasn't even started yet.
For the first time in
almost two months
I follow Ino to her locker.
I am to carry her
flyers.
Little
post-card sized
papers with a picture of a
speaker
blasting music and the words
'Want some frothy fun?'
And while there is no
mentioning
of beer
it seems to just scream that there
will be.
Kids killing their own brain cells for a little 'frothy fun.'
We reach the locker
just as he
is finishing there.
And for the first time in
two months
he looks at me.
He's the only one who ever really saw you.
"Sakura. Ino,"
he says in
greeting.
In surprise, I
drop the flyers.
"I'm sorry,
Ino. I'm really
sorry!"
I
drop to the floor,
quickly trying to pick up the
papers.
Sasuke…
helps.
"Hey, Sasuke! I'm having a
totally hot-"
"I'm not
interested."
Ino frowns,
not liking that he
cut her off
mid-sentence.
"Well, why don't you
just
think about it
some more?"
Ino hands him
one of the flyers that he had
stuffed
back into my hands,
before
looking at me with a
sly glance.
Bait.
"Anyway,
Sakura will be there,
of course.
Dressed up.
You wouldn't want to miss that,
would you?"
Sasuke gazes
deeply into my eyes as if
trying to figure out what I
really
wanted.
Reel in the catch.
But I couldn't answer him because
I didn't know.
You're annoying.
Hinata and Sakura sit next to each other, doodling on each other's papers, pictures of little girls in gauzy dresses and picnic tables and hockey players, and older women –widows, wearing wedding dresses that they've long since outgrown.
"What did Neji get you for your birthday?" Sakura asks, drawing an angel boy with rabbit ears and a cotton tail, handing a martini to someone of f the edge of the paper. Hinata draws a hand coming onto her paper holding the same glass; an offering to one of the little girls in a flowing dress.
Hinata gives the little girl long curling hair that billows like smoke, "I didn't open it."
When it is the thought that truly counts.
Sakura peers up at the other girl while she draws a speech bubble for the angel that says 'Nobody came to my party.'
Hinata gives the little girl a speech bubble that says, 'I did.'
Naruto, Hinata, and Gaara all walk with each other on the way to their classes. They peel away like old paint, Gaara disappearing off to Psychology, and then Hinata to History. Sakura holds Naruto's hand because he lets her and maybe he secretly likes it but he knows they're just friends because Sakura's too damaged and he cares for someone else.
"So are you going to be at Ino's party tonight?" Naruto asks, making light conversation.
Sakura shrugs. She hadn't expected that she would be allowed to until what Ino had said that morning, "Ino wants me there. So I will go unless she asks me to do otherwise."
Naruto smiles, "That's great. I'm trying to get Hinata to go, maybe have a little fun, but she gets nervous around large gatherings like that. She's got low blood sugar and she faints a lot."
Sakura tilts her head, "I didn't know that."
"Yeah, she can't over exert herself either because of-" he cuts off abruptly, "Nothing. Never mind."
Sakura squeezes his hand for a moment before releasing it completely. Hinata would tell her when she needed to know. If she needed to know.
Sakura walks into the English class. Sasuke is gone, she notes, and she feels like maybe the ground has shifted a little below her feet. Because today is curious and she doesn't know in what way.
"Sasuke is gone again," she says, pulling herself onto her desk, one of her shoes flopping half-way off her foot, because without a shoelace or a tongue, it doesn't stay on very well.
Naruto looks at her with a peculiar expression.
"What?" she asks, feeling awkward, shifting under the weight of his gaze.
"You haven't mentioned or even spoken of him in months. I thought your little thing was in the past…?" he nudges her shoe with his own, and hers falls off her foot with a thump.
She kicks off the other shoe, feeling better with both off than with one on, before looking to the ceiling, "Today we readjust the pencil on the side of the eraser. If we do it just right, nothing will happen, but if we nudge it a little too much in either direction, it will fall. What nobody knows is, which is for the best?"
Naruto doesn't understand, so he just picks up her more damaged shoe, pulls off his own orange shoelace, and winds it through the holes on hers before sitting beside her.
"Your headband –it's nice," he says, nudging her softly in the side. He doesn't miss the grimace she makes at his touch.
She places a hand where he nudged her, and bites her lip, "Thank you. It was a Christmas Present."
He understands what he needs to, though.
It is
after school.
I've not dressed up for
anything
since I was little, when
dresses were a part of my daily
wear.
GoneGoneGoneGone.
"I got
what you're going to wear
off of the
clearance rack, and I've
never worn it.
I don't want it back after
this.
Go wash your hair and
I'll try to see if I can do
something
with that ridiculously ugly
head of hair of
yours."
The shower is
cold
as usual.
But there's something
better
about it than usual.
Maybe because Ino
is
willing to touch me again
unlike
it has been.
As though maybe today
I'm not a disease.
Redemption isn't so easy.
Sakura tries to pull the dress down to cover more skin, but only succeeds in showing more at the top.
A slinky black tube dress that goes a little above mid-thigh and barely covers her breasts with a cut-out back and shiny black four-inch stilettos.
She spends every few seconds stumbling over her own feet, and she's thankful the party hasn't started yet or she would be falling over people, exposing a little more than she would be comfortable with.
Comfort is a luxury you can't afford.
"Ino, are you sure about this?" she asks as the blonde applies cover-up to the bruises on the pink-haired girl's side and upper-arms.
The blonde rolls her eyes, "Listen, I know you have a crush on Sasuke, and I just feel a little bad about blaming the birth-control thing on you. So I thought I'd make it up to you."
Sakura squirms uncomfortably, "Um, not to question your tactics, Ino, but how is this making it up to me?"
The blonde girl smirks, "Every girl knows that the only thing guys are after is a little flesh. And every girl wants a little sexcapade, especially with Mr. Sexy Uchiha."
The green-eyed girl shivers as Ino steps away. She thinks that Sasuke is an angel so he wouldn't only talk to her because he wants to get in her pants, but maybe in a world of slinky dresses and high-heeled shoes, that's all she can get.
"Sakura, have you ever been touched by a guy before?"
Sakura flinches. The doorbell rings.
"Oh. Well, I suppose we'll have to cut this little conversation short. Coming!"
Soon
the house is full of
girls in
party dresses and
boys in ripped jeans and
sports T-shirts.
I'm the only one wearing
what looks to me like a
stripper dress.
"Hey baby,
I love the dress,
but it would look better on my
floor!"
I turn towards the voice.
A guy in his
junior year with a
cocky grin and a
plastic cup full of
beer.
Another hapless child, lost to the ways of sin and alcohol.
"Why?
Do you want it?
I didn't take you as a
transvestite but,
you can have it later if you
want."
He
blanches.
His friend spits beer all over
the floor,
and I think that maybe
Ino will make me clean that up
later.
So far no sign of
Sasuke.
"Hey Sakura,"
someone
taps on my shoulder and I
turn.
And there goes my
first kiss.
"Hey, Zaku!" Ino called in her sing-song voice, shaking her hips a little to the music that blasted from the speakers.
The black-haired boy turned with a smirk.
"Yo. What's up?"
"You see my friend over there, Sakura? She's been talking about how hot she thinks you are, and she wants you to go kiss her," the girl said, pointing to Sakura, who was speaking to another boy.
The black-haired boy's smirk widened, "I think I can be of some assistance."
He walked over to where Sakura stood, "Hey, Sakura!"
Flash!
Ino captured the moment with her digital camera before pocketing it.
Sakura wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and looked down at the floor before walking away, leaving Zaku confused.
It is probably
an hour
after the party first
started.
Ino has been shoving
glass after
glass of
punch
into my hands,
telling me to down it,
and I
feel strange.
Ino's 'making it up to you' doesn't seem so innocent now, does it?
It wasn't necessarily
uncomfortable
at first.
After the first few
glasses
I just had a light
buzz.
As though
everything was a little more colorful
a little more
bright.
A little more dangerous. A little more sinful.
And then
things started to spin
And the ground started to try and
trip me.
And so that led up to
lying on the bathroom floor,
feeling the music pulse through the house,
through my body,
the coldish tiles against my
feverish
face.
"Hey Sakura!
There's someone I want you to
meet!"
I hesitantly open the door and
I somehow end up losing my
second kiss,
though I'm not sure how.
Smile for the camera.
Sakura stumbles over someone's feet as she makes her way towards the faucet. No more punch from Ino, she decides.
The water misses the cup the first time, but after she gets the hang of it and downs a few more glasses, she feels a little more sober. She decides that maybe she needs to leave the house. Leave before it's too late and she's corrupted by the smoke and the alcohol and the overly-loud music.
She begins to approach the door, when someone she didn't expect appeared. The boy with the black eyes and the pretty face and the invisible wings.
Sometime during the process of her staring, he had ended up in front of her.
"Sakura."
Her eyes are captivated by his.
"Hmm," she murmurs.
"Would you like to dance?"
A little corruption is okay, coming from an angel.
While he looked like
an angel
he
danced like a
sinner
his body weaving around mine like a
snake coiling
around a tree branch
though he never quite touches me.
He is close enough to where I can
feel
his body heat
radiating off of him,
and when his sleeve grazes
the little hairs on my arm,
I feel a
shiver
go down my spine.
He leans his
head
beside mine
and for a moment
I think he might
kiss me.
Angels don't spare kisses on failures.
I feel his breath on my
earlobe as he murmurs
"You proved me
wrong,
little one."
My body trembles.
I am
shoved
into Sasuke's arms
"Whore!"
I turn my
head and see
Ami,
just as she turns and
walks away.
As they step out into the cool night air, Sakura shivers, her body slick with sweat.
"Why did you disappear?" she asks him, her bare feet enjoying the relief from the high-heels that have long since been discarded in her front yard.
He gives her a ghostly smile that she's not sure whether it exists or not, and he says, "I had to know whether my being around you was endangering you more than if I tried to protect you."
She looks up from the slick road and tilts her head, "You don't have to protect me. I just want to be friends."
He chuckles darkly, something she yet again doesn't understand, "You hold your own in a way that no one should have to. You don't need protecting, I know, but it helps me a little if I try."
She takes his hand, lacing her fingers between his, "Is this okay? I like touching people. My own way of getting to know them."
He looks wary for a moment before nodding and turning his head heavenwards, "You said once that you thought I was an angel."
She smiles, "I still do."
"We live in a world of war and hate and sin, and you can still believe that angels exist?"
An angel that doesn't believe he exists.
She releases his hand before skipping forwards and turning back to face him, waiting for him to catch up, "Somebody has to. And maybe I can be that somebody. Where are we going, anyway?"
This time he takes her hand, not quite thinking about the action, "Nowhere. Anywhere. Everywhere. Wherever you want."
"Let's go Nowhere and Anywhere. I like those two."
He nods, "What about Everywhere?"
She looks at him with curiosity, "We can't possibly go everywhere. Nowhere and Anywhere are easier."
"Would you want to go to Everywhere?"
She nods.
"Well then. We'll go Nowhere and Anywhere and make our way up to Everywhere."
When I
wake up
my mother and father have
returned.
I shoot up,
out of bed in a flash.
Ino and I forgot to clean up.
Without
getting dressed
I run into the kitchen,
where my mother
and
father
sit across from
each other,
speaking in
irritated
voices.
When my father
notices me,
he stands up,
"Sakura!"
I jump.
My stomach seems to
harden,
thicken under the pressure of
some sort of
guilt.
"Ino
left a note.
She explained that you were
having a party
and that she
slept over at a friends
house
so that she wouldn't be
involved
with the alcohol and the
dangers."
My whole body
stiffens.
My mother's eyes begin to
tear up.
"I'm so
disappointed in you,
Sakura."
Ino
walks in through the
front door.
zigzagzigzagzigzag
"Sakura, what are you doing?"
zigzagzigzagzigzag
"Shh...I'm saving the world."
zigzagzigzagzigzag
"Sakura, you're not a superhero."
She sends him an oblique glance, her expression full of disbelief, but it is quickly composed.
"Maybe I can be," she murmurs, and then adds hopefully, "You can be my sidekick if you'd like."
"I'm not going to walk in the directions the panels on your floor face," he says indignantly. It takes him a few moments of observing her to realize she's still wearing her pajamas, that her eyeliner is smeared on her face, and that her hair is mussed, "And get ready for school. We're going to be late."
She loses her balance and stumbles, and frowns when she sees that her right foot is on a sideways panel, and she's facing the wrong direction. She stares at the wooden floor, wondering if the small cracks between floor boards are going to swallow her whole as punishment. They do nothing, and she imagines that maybe it's a trick, and when she least expects it, she'll disappear, and Sasuke will forget that she ever existed, and maybe he'll forget why he's in her house, and he'll begin to leave, but then Ino, who's so beautiful and perfect will come from the master bedroom she persuaded Sakura's mother to give her, and Sasuke will think that maybe, just maybe, he was here to ask Ino out on a date, and they'll go out, and have a beautiful night-
"Sakura, are you listening to me?"
She rights her foot on the floorboard, and thinks that maybe she's averted disaster for now.
"Right. I'll go get ready."
Hold on, while it lasts.
Sakura thinks that maybe today she'll just change out of her tank-top, and put on a shirt, and she'll stay in her pajama pants. Because she doesn't want the girls at school to call her a whore again, and she doesn't want guys coming by and brushing their hands across her back to see if she's wearing a bra. Because she would be, and it'd probably be the strapless one that's too big, and it'd probably fall down, and then, and then...
She decides that maybe she'll put on jeans too. Her shorts have shrunk in the wash, and she can't believe Sasuke saw her in them, but she also thinks that maybe he didn't care, and she thinks maybe she shouldn't either.
So she meets Sasuke (who's slouching with his hands in his pockets, as usual) in an over-sized brown sweater (she calls it her hobo sweater, because she usually wears it under the coat with the sleeves that are too short, to compensate), and the black blouse she gave Ino for Christmas; Sakura doesn't think Ino would even recognize the top if she saw it again, and some jeans that she cut the bottoms of so that they'd be capris (she rescued them from the lost and found before they were to be donated to the Good Will foundation). She doesn't think she matches, and her hair may have kinks in it, since she slept on it funny, but she thinks that maybe she doesn't care as much as she thought she did, and so she gets in the car Sasuke borrowed from his brother, thinking that maybe her mother doesn't need to know that she's riding in a car with a sixteen-year-old driver, and not the bus.
And she doesn't dare
look at Sasuke
because
he's too beautiful
and she thinks that
maybe
she might feel like
crying a little
if she
does.
And
she doesn't
want Sasuke
to see her cry
because she isn't
weak,
even if
her mother
thinks she is.
You're not crying, so why isn't she proud?
The little group that surrounds Sakura has increased. From class to class, Hinata, Gaara, Naruto, and Sasuke follow her, as if they are a shield, protecting the girl from the rumors and lies being spread around. Pictures of Sakura in her dress, pictures of her mid-kiss with different boys, pictures of her dancing with Sasuke, the words whore, skank, slut, written beneath, stapled to the walls like the flyers that had been advertising the party just a day before. With each paper they pass, Gaara rips them down, gathering them into a wad before throwing them away in the nearest trashcan.
They can protect you from pictures and words, but they can't really change anything. And that's why they're friends with you.
In History, the only class Sakura has with none of her friends, Karin glares daggers at her from across the table. The pink-haired girl wants to cry, but she won't, because even though she's sad and embarrassed, she knows she shouldn't be because now she has an angel on her side.
Biology feels unusual, because Sasuke and Gaara both sit close to her, and while she and Gaara talk, she realizes for the first time that while Sasuke remains silent, he is angled towards her –has always been angled towards her, and she begins to believe what he said the night before, maybe a little.
And she can't tell whether she feels half-full or half-empty, because she thinks that maybe she's a little both. Because her parents don't trust her because she's given them no reason to. But she has four wonderful friends. And she wishes that that was enough, but it's not.
"I'd like to introduce to you, my nephew, Kabuto. He will be the classroom assistant for the remainder of the year," Orochimaru-sensei says, introducing the silver-haired young man. His eyes are shielded by coke-bottle-rimmed glasses, and Sakura thinks that maybe it looks like he hides behind them.
"It's a pleasure to meet you all," he says in a charming voice, "I'm sure we'll all get along just fine."
When Sakura goes to Geometry, she finds that Tenten is gone –she's not coming back.
"She left. I found out from Neji that she left the Hyuuga household, said that she couldn't take their rules anymore. It was the only way that she and Neji could be together," Hinata says when Sakura asks. And while deep in the pit of her stomach it kind of hurts that Tenten could get what she wanted and she couldn't, the news gives her a little hope too.
Sakura follows Sasuke to his locker after last period; she hopes that maybe Ino will be able to drive her home today, though the days she has have been few and far between.
Instead of Ino waiting there, Hinata is instead, looking even smaller than usual, her bangs shielding her face.
The blue-haired girl immediately runs to Sakura, taking her hand, she stutters out, "I-Ino c-can't take y-you home."
Her lip trembles, and she bites down on it to make it still.
"What's wrong?" Sakura asks, and Sasuke looks on with a blank expression.
The door to the Biology classroom opens, Hinata's last class of the day, and the silver-haired man with the glasses exits, sending a secretive smile in their direction, "It's nice seeing you again, Hinata."
He waves and exits, and Hinata's hand shakes in Sakura's.
Wishing she could just disappeardisappeardisappear.
"We should find Naruto," Sasuke suddenly says, "Does that sound good to you, Hinata?"
Hinata looks up, blinking back tears and she slowly nods, "Thank you, Sasuke."
When the three find Naruto, Neji is standing with him. When his pale eyes rest on Hinata, he quickly runs to her, grabbing her shoulders, "Are you okay?!"
love.
She nods, a small smile on her face. Naruto pulls her into a hug, an apologetic expression set in, "That's the last time I skip Biology."
Sakura arrives to a home of moans and pants.
A tangled display of limbs and discarded clothing on the sofa.
Ino's ice blue eyes look up to the ceiling as she huffs, a boy Sakura doesn't even recognize on top of her.
Let Go.
Sakura runs to her room and crawls under her bed, curling into the smallest ball she can manage.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
A/N: A longer chapter than usual. Sorry about the crappiness level. My angst-o-meter is totally busted. The superhero part was actually the second segment I ever wrote, even before it actually became a story…This was originally going to be up about four days ago, but I didn't think it was long enough, so I extended it, and here it is! And bageezes guys! 131 reviews? That's awesome! The most reviews I've ever received on any of my stories, even the one I have on my old account! And three C2s! Exciting. I LOVE YOU. But school starts on Monday, and that will either prevent me from updating do to work and stuff, or my anxiety will make me produce more chapters. We'll see, I guess. AND CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I still haven't taken my driving lessons yet. And I was supposed to at the beginning of August. Man. That's lame.
Please review, guys!
-MT