Definition: Life
Chapter 10: Talked

Warui-Usagi

x x x

'Sometimes it's a form of love just talking to somebody you have nothing in common with,

And are still fascinated by their presence.'

--Anonymous

x x x

For the first time since before I could remember, I was sitting in front of a mirror trying to fix my hair. Sifting through Pet's memories, I managed to find her favourite, and most commonly used hairstyle—a simple twist held in place with a strategically placed silver comb. I reached for one of the many perfume bottles to my left, and dotted a little of the musky fragrance on my wrists. I couldn't believe that it had taken me so long to figure out that if I started wearing the things Pet loved, it would make the lying that little bit easier.

Not that all of this was necessary where I was going this morning.

I clipped the thin, gold watch I found in a small bowl of the dresser around my wrist and checked the time—just a few minutes before ten o'clock. Perfect.

The door bell rang.

As I made my way downstairs, I could see Cloud Spinner was already waiting for me at the bottom with a palpable nervousness that was easy to understand.

"You have to promise me that you won't go off anywhere by yourself," she was saying in the strict motherly voice that always made Pet roll her eyes. I couldn't, because of course I knew better—the warnings definitely had some truth to them. Not that Pet herself would know that for another century or so, when she arrived on the Dolphin's planet.

"I'll be alright," I soothed her, patting her on the shoulder. I reached for and opened the door. Burns was standing there expectantly, a friendly grin pasted on his face. "Sky Roost will be with me all day. I promise I won't go anywhere alone."

"Yes, ma'am," he said, smiling down at her. "I won't let her out of my sight."

I looked back at Cloud Spinner. She'd spent the better part of the afternoon talking to him yesterday. Why did she doubt him now?

"Okay." She finally relented, throwing her hands up in defeat. "But please, Pet. Be home by 6, okay? I don't want you out late."

Now I could roll my eyes. "Sure."

"We'll probably just be a few hours," Burns promised. I watched as he handed her a small piece of paper. "This is my number if you need it."

That surprised me, but at least Cloud Spinner relaxed. "Thank you," she said.

"Shall we?" Burns turned as stepped aside, holding the door open for me. I smiled as I passed him, and then stopped dead on the path. A sleek, shiny black car was parked right up against the curb—a car I recognised all too well—with a middle-aged man leaning against the side door, watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. Burns came up behind me slowly—clearly, he'd just spotted the Seeker as well.

The Seeker began to approach. We both stood very still. "Going out today, Petals Open to the Moon?" he asked as she strolled casually down the path.

"Yes." I managed to reply in a steady voice. "This is my friend, Sky. We ran into each other yesterday. I know him from the Flower Planet."

"Nice to meet you," the Seeker said, shaking Burns' hand. "The Flowers, huh? I take it though, by your name, that you preferred your stay with the Bats?"

"Yes, I did." Burns' deep voice was friendly. "I loved the music. If it wasn't for the blindness, I probably would have stayed."

"Never been there myself. I have to admit that the fact that I wouldn't be able to see is more than a little off-putting. Particularly when I I've been here for so long. Everything is so vivid and colourful here. I would miss it."

Burns nodded. "I think anyone would after being here." He stopped to look at his watch, even though I knew he wasn't really concerned about the time. "We should get going, Pet."

"Wait," the Seeker called. We both froze. "Just a little bit of housekeeping. I won't be following you to your house as such, Sky Roost, but I will be circling the block. I assume you know why this is necessary." He looked at Burns pointedly.

"Yes, of course, sir. I wouldn't dream of impeding your work." Burns sounded so sincere that if I hadn't known better, I probably would have fallen for the lie myself. He was so much better at it than I was. It was enough to make me a little envious.

"Excellent. Well, I hope you both have a nice day." The Seeker turned and walked back to his car without a backward glance. Burns nudged me in the direction of the car parked in front of the Seeker's van, and I was astonished to see it was of all cars, a Jeep. This one was a dark green colour, but it had still managed to remind me how far away I was from home…

Burns opened the side door for me, and offered me his hand. "Do you need help getting in?"

I looked at how far up the step was—it didn't look that high—and decided that I would try it myself. "I should be okay."

I grasped both sides of the cabin and managed to lift myself up onto the step and into the passenger seat with some effort. Burns jogged over to the other side, as anxious as I was to be in such close proximity with a Seeker. I quickly fumbled with the seatbelt, managing to click it into place just as Burns began to accelerate.

"Remember to keep to the speed limit," I reminded him in a whisper.

"Of course. As Souls, we obey all rules put into place on the planets our kind governs." He looked over at me out of the corner of his with a sly smile. "Wouldn't want to arrive at our destination early, would we?"

I smiled back, happy to be enjoying myself for once. "No…that wouldn't be good."

It was quiet for a while then—I watched the other cars pass us on the road, the houses flash past in a colourful blur.

"Any ideas?" Burns asked me quietly, as if he was afraid of being overheard.

I sighed, shaking my head sadly. "No."

Burns sighed too. "There has to be some way we can do this, Wanda."

"Not without hurting Cloud Spinner again." I sighed, suddenly angry.

"No," he agreed. "That's inevitable I'm afraid. And I understand how you feel. Really I do. The attachments that bind you to beings on this planet are so much stronger than sense. I understand how much your host loves that woman, Wanda. And I also understand that you don't really want to either. It's not an easy thing to come to grips with."

"But it's not just my host anymore, Burns. I love her now too. And I know it's stupid, and I should have been more careful about everything but…she-it's just…" I could feel tears starting to pool in my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. "…The way she looks at me. And she loves Pet so much. So much. It's impossible not to see that. I know I have no right to love her. She certainly doesn't love me—"

"Shhh…" Burns interrupted, patting me gently on the shoulder. "It's alright, Wanda. We'll figure something out. And I'm not going to make you do anything you're not happy with. If you don't want to leave straight away, then I'm certainly not going to force you. I couldn't get you back to your humans for awhile, anyway."

That distracted me. "Why not?"

He shrugged. "I don't know where they are."

It took me a moment to process that. "What?"

The car slowed down then, and Burns turned into a driveway next to a small house. He turned off the ignition and moved around in his seat so he could face me. "We're very careful about that stuff. Both our little groups…back when the situation was desperate—when you and I weren't around to help everyone out—I was told it was extremely competitive for supplies and food. You and I both know how kind and generous humans can be, but I'm sure even you could understand that when they're desperate…they would steal and possibly harm each other to ensure their survival." He stopped for a moment, clearly a little disturbed with that thought. I was too. "That's why we don't really know where a lot of other human colonies are, Wanda. It's taken a long time for trust to build up. We know where the ones in our region are, because I help them out all the time, but we've only run into humans from your group a few times, and it's always the same ones. I've only ever actually spoken to Jared myself—"

"So you have no idea where they are?" I interrupted.

"No. Sorry, Wanda."

I smiled a little. "That's okay. I remember where they are…at least, I think I do." I concentrated for a moment, sorting through my memories, and through the remnants I still had of Melanie's memories—a dim trail of recall indeed—and tried to find the way through the desert. There were parts that stood out, but most were conversations I'd had with Melanie on the way there—all my attention had been focused internally at the time. I remembered the lines carved into the back of a photo album—the lines that would lead the way…The only memories I had were of the road the truck would always turn off on our way back home from a raid. Even they were hazy, because I was always falling asleep in Ian's lap by the time we made it home…

"Oh. Did your humans show you how to get back?"

I shook my head, strangely reluctant to explain. I ignored it. "No. When I first came to this planet, I was in a different body. Have you met Melanie?"

He thought for a second and then nodded. "Jared's partner, right? The girl with the brown hair."

"Yes."

It was silent while he mulled that over. "You came here in her body?"

"Yes."

"And she actually talked to you?" Burns sounded more than a little shocked. "I'm surprised she showed you where the humans were. I would have thought she'd hate you."

"She did…at first. But when we finally made it to the humans, and started to get to know each other and the people around us, we slowly became friends." I didn't want to get into the details. He seemed nice enough—of course he was nice, he was a Soul. Souls loved everyone indiscriminately, trusted each other implicitly. It was silly—I knew that—but for some inexplicable reason, I still wasn't completely comfortable with discussing my life more than was absolutely necessary. I suddenly wondered if he felt the same. I knew nothing about him. He hadn't offered the information and I hadn't asked.

"And you decided to let her have her body back?" Burns guessed.

"Yes. For a number of reasons. It was…very difficult for both of us to live like that. Not much of a life."

"No, I don't imagine so. Should we go in?" he asked, gesturing with his head in the direction of the house.

"Sure." I was more than happy to drop the current conversation. All it did was remind me how far I was from home, and how completely out of my depth I was handling my own species.

x x x

We were sitting down at a small table in the tiny kitchen of Burn's safe house a few hours later, surrounded by empty cups and plates, still struggling to come up with any kind of plan.

"No, we can't do that." I sighed, more than a little exasperated. "Even if we could buy time by telling Cloud Spinner that I'm away somewhere where with you"—I could feel the blood rising in my cheeks, the sudden, crippling wave of shyness forcing me to avert my eyes to the ground. Why was I so embarrassed, anyway?—"…she'd figure it out eventually. And I'm not going anywhere until I find out what's happened to Ian."

"But wouldn't it be better for you to get back to your humans first, and then search for him?" Burns was starting to sound just as exhausted by this conversation as I was. "They know him. They probably even have a good idea of where he's gone. You could help them."

"I have to see that he's safe for myself," I insisted, throwing my face into my hands. I didn't know why, but the horrible gut-wrenching feeling of terror that I'd managed to keep at bay since Burns had told me Ian had disappeared was starting to force its way into my thoughts. Maybe it was just the shock wearing off. Where was he? What if a Seeker found him? What if he'd already been found? Was he still alive, or had he been killed? I couldn't bear the thought; my body shook with the revulsion of it.

"It's okay, Wanda." Burns reached across the table to pat me on the head. "Shhh, don't worry. Hey, come on. Don't cry. I'm not going anywhere until we get this sorted out, I promise. I'll help you however I can."

"I'm sorry." My voice broke on the last word as I hastily wiped away my tears. I chocked back another sob. "I just—"

"You have nothing to apologise for," he said, interrupting me. He hesitated for a moment and then continued. "Listen, I think I have an idea. It's not a solution, but it should make things a little easier on everyone in the mean time—until we figure something out."

"What's that?" I asked wearily.

"I'll get in contact with Nate. Tell him I've found you and that you're safe, and that he should pass that on to your humans as soon as he can. We have a designated meeting point where your humans and my humans meet. I've only ever seen Jared and Brandt there myself, but they should be enough, right?"

"Yes." I was a little taken aback at how easy it all sounded. It was too easy, of course. "But I'm sure they'll all be on lockdown," I told him, thinking of what had happened when Kyle took off after Jodi. With Ian and I missing, I imagined that they were being particularly cautious. "Nobody will be leaving the caves. I'm sure of it." At least, I thought with some grim amusement, Maggie and Sharon would be happy I wasn't there. I hoped they weren't causing too much trouble for Jared, Jeb and Melanie.

"Damn," Burns muttered, and I could see the frustration twisting his freckled face. "Well, I suppose it still couldn't hurt. At least Nate and the others can pass on the information if we don't get you back in time before the lockdown is over."

I blinked at him, uncomprehending. What did he mean? "This is obviously going to take some time, Wanda," he reiterated for me patiently when he saw my confused expression. "There's no clear-cut solution. It'll be a while before we can get you home." Ah, the blunt truth. I'd known it all along. I knew I should have just been grateful that there was even a possibility I could get back to my family in the caves. But it still hurt to hear it. I quickly hid my face in my hair when I felt my eyes starting to water.

"I'm sorry," he said, and I shook my head.

"Don't apologise. Please. You've already helped me out so much. Thank you. For everything."

"Anytime, Wanda." He was patting my head again, reaching to move the hair from in front of my face. "I'd do anything to help out a fellow native." I could hear the smile in his voice, but it only made me feel even more guilty.

"I'm so hopeless in this body," I mumbled, leaning back in my chair, away from his hand. "I can't do anything myself. I hate it."

"You're not helpless. You've been protecting your humans all this time, little Wanderer." He smiled at me reassuringly. "You've travelled to nine worlds—seen more of the universe that just about any other living being in this galaxy. Stayed and fought for friends when everyone ran away"—I'd forgotten that in our first brief meeting that I'd told him the story of Harness Light on the Bear's planet—"…You've changed your humans lives for the better, and sacrificed your happiness to save their lives more than once. That's taken extreme courage and bravery, particularly for a Soul. You know how our species overeats to any kind of violence or danger." He paused for a long moment. I couldn't look at him, so I didn't see his reaction. I heard his chair scrape back against the linoleum floor and flinched in surprise when I felt his fingers reaching under my chin, tilting my face up so that I was looking at him. He was bending down again, his dark eyes level with mine. "You're far from helpless, Wanda. Believe me when I say that."

What was wrong with me? It was as if all I was capable of doing today was cry. "Then why do I feel like this?" I sobbed. I couldn't make sense of this anguish. It felt vaguely familiar, but I didn't know where from. My inexperienced heart had never felt such all-consuming grief before; it quivered painfully underneath weight of it.

"That's definitely not helplessness," Burns whispered feverishly. "Can't you see that?"

I violently shook my head, trying to convey to him in some way that this kind of pain shouldn't…no, couldn't be normal. It seemed too cruel to even suggest such a thing.

"You miss them, Wanda. Your humans. You love them. Of course you miss them. Why are you so surprised?"

I couldn't answer him—I was too upset—but I didn't think I could have answered his question anyway, because he wouldn't understand the answer. Of course I missed them. Of course I loved them. They were everything to me, my entire world. But ever since I'd left them, I hadn't been allowed to miss them. For weeks, I'd been pretending that I was happy to be where I was, that I was recovering slowly from a horrific ordeal. I couldn't think about Ian, Jamie, Mel and the others back at our crowded little haven, because then I knew I wouldn't be able to function, to keep up the charade.

I didn't think I could go back to doing it again. Not after this.

"Wanda…?" I looked up at Burns, who was standing over me now. The tears running down my face had glued the loose strands of my hair to my cheeks. There was only one person in that moment who could have made me feel better. But he wasn't there. I didn't know where he was, or even if he was still alive. I was lost without my anchor, the person who tied me to this planet. I wasn't myself at all and there was nothing I could do to fix it. Not right now. But Burns was going to help me get home. I just had to keep myself together for a little while longer. Just a little longer.

Burns turned, walked out of the room and down the hall without a word, only to come back a few seconds later with some tissues in hand. I smiled as he gave them to me. "Thank you," I rasped, and then desperately began trying to clean up my face, to try and make myself look like I hadn't been crying all day. Burns fetched a trash can for me when I was done. My eyes were still red and puffy; I would just have to count on the setting sun to hide that from Cloud Spinner's view.

"Ready to go?"

I nodded, and Burns held the door open for me with a smile as I made my way towards the car.

It was only a short time later that the Jeep was parked outside of Cloud Spinner's house, the digital clock on the dashboard reading 5:56. The sun was just starting to set and I was home on time, just like I promised. I could already see Cloud Spinner peaking anxiously through the curtains, looking for me. I sighed, trying to work up the energy to go in and deal with her interrogation. And she would interrogate me, of that I was sure.

"You'll be fine," Burns assured me. "Just tell her your tired or something and go straight up to your room."

"I wish it was that easy. I might be able to get away from her initially, but she'll just keep asking questions when I go back down for dinner."

Burns laughed. "What me to come with you? To distract her?"

I giggled, but shook my head. "No, no. You've already helped me out a lot. Thank you so much for today, really. I needed that."

"Not a problem. Now, I can't come by tomorrow—I'm going to find Nate, or at least someone who can tell Nate that we've found you. But I'll come by and check on you the day after, okay?"

I smiled, grateful. "Okay."

"We'll figure this all out, Wanda." Burns cleared his throat, shifting his gaze and focusing intently on the house. "You have any idea where we might find Ian?"

My smiled faded and I trembled with the remembered pain. "No. I don't." I took a deep breath and started again. "I don't know where he could be. He didn't come on the raid to get my new host, so I don't know why he thought he'd find me by running off on everyone." I was angry at him for doing that—angry mostly, because I didn't understand. Ian was always cautious. Even over-cautious. He knew how dangerous it was, and not just for him. Didn't he think of the safety of the others at all?

"I'm sorry," Burns apologised, "I didn't mean to make you upset."

I was upset, but none of it was his fault. "No. You were just trying to help. I'll…I'll see what I think of, and let you know in a couple of days if I come up with anything."

He nodded. "Alright, then. Good night, Wanda."

I opened my door and carefully climbed down onto the pavement before turning to face him. "Good night, Burns." I shut the door and watched as he reversed out drove away, waving and honking as he disappeared down the street. When I looked back at the house, I caught Cloud Spinner peering through the curtains; she waved at me, looking more than a little excited.

"Perfect," I muttered under my breath as I started walking up the path to the front door. "Just perfect."

This wasn't going to be easy.

x x x

I managed to get through dinner without too much trouble. I knew, with relief, that Pet had never been keen on her mother's interrogations when she came back from day trips with friends. I told Cloud Spinner what I thought was enough—that "Sky" and I had gone and had some lunch and just talked, asked questions about each other's past lives. I worded my response carefully so I was telling the truth, so there was no reason for her to doubt me. After the incident with my Comforter the other day, I was being extra careful. Or at least trying to be. Talking to Cloud Spinner over dinner gave me the perfect excuse not to talk—I just made sure that I always had some food in my mouth; it gave me time to think about how to word my next response. I was more than relieved when I finally managed to—hours later—make my way upstairs. The whole day had been emotionally exhausting. I wanted nothing more than to be alone.

I slumped down into the seat in front of Pet's dresser and carefully began removing the comb from my hair, pulling it free of the twist. I moved over quickly to the large, wooden chest of draws on the opposite side of the room, looking for something comfortable to wear to bed. The wooden draws were large and heavy—it took me a tries to open them enough to be able to get to the neatly folded clothes inside.

The doorbell rang downstairs.

I paused and looked over at the small digital clock beside my bed. It read 8:30pm.

That didn't seem right. It was too late for visitors—no Soul would call at this hour. Not unless it was an emergency.

Or a Seeker.

I froze, wondering if it was one of the Seekers that had brought me back here the night I was separated from Ian and the others—the Seekers who were investigating the statement I'd given my Comforter about Doc. My heart started to race, palms started to sweat. What if they'd found the irregularities in my story? What if they were here to try and make me lead them back to my humans? What would they do when I refused?—and I would refuse—Would they remove me and implant a Seeker? Was there anything I could do to stop them?

What was I going to do?

I heard Cloud Spinner open the door.

Whoever it was, there was voice was too low for me to hear. I could only make out the vague murmurings of someone else's voice. Someone who definitely wasn't Cloud Spinner. I couldn't make my body move closer to the door. I couldn't even tell if the voice belonged to a female or a male. I started to tremble.

The murmuring stopped.

"Pet!" Cloud Spinner suddenly called out. I flinched in fright. "Someone's here to see you!"

Why wouldn't she say who it was?

I tried to pull myself together, tried to pick myself up off the floor, but I was shaking so hard by then that I couldn't stand up. I took a few deep breaths to level out my voice so I could call back down and ask who it was.

The door closed, and now I could hear two sets of footsteps making their way up the staircase. I was so tightly wound that I shrieked in terror; I was so scared that it came out as nothing more than a breathless little squeak.

"I'm so sorry this happened," I heard Cloud Spinner saying. "I'm sure she didn't mean to forget you were supposed to come by today. And I know she's forgotten, because she didn't tell me anything about it. She's been so wrapped up with this boy these past couple days…"

She knocked, her voice coming through the door. "Pet? You in there?"

What else could I say? She would open that door anyway, and there was nowhere for me to hide. No escape. I cleared my throat. "Y-yes," I stuttered.

She opened the door and looked right at me, a disapproving expression on her face. I sat frozen in the middle of the room; it was all I could do to return her gaze. "Honestly, Pet. What are you doing? And how could you forget that you'd organised for a friend of yours to come around for a sleepover today?"

In just a matter of seconds I went from being so terrified I couldn't move, to utterly confused. What? A friend? Sleepover?

"Honestly, Pet!" Cloud Spinner continued scolding me when I didn't reply. "I thought I'd raised you better than that."

"Please don't worry about it, Cloud Spinner," a horribly familiar voice urged in a gentle tone as they made their way into the room. "Pet can be a little dense sometimes."

I just stared, too shocked to say anything. This couldn't be real. It had to be a dream.

"Hi, Pet." They smiled. "I've missed you so much. Did you miss me?"

It was a moment before I could speak. My whole body instantly relaxed, was flooded with relief. I smiled back, trying—and failing—not to cry.

"Mel…" I whispered.

A/N: And…now things are going to get complicated, lol. Surprise! :D Or maybe I should say interesting. Hmmm…guess it depends on your perspective. We're getting into my favourite part of the story next chapter guys, because this is where all the serious stuff starts to unravel. I will say no more than that. ;D I know there was a lot of dialogue in this chapter, but it's essential for explaining what's about to happen. Burns has a big part in this story, so be on the lookout for more of him. :)

Chapter 11: Explained is already well under way, and will be posted as soon as I finish it.

Hope you're all enjoying the story so far! Any sort of feedback is very much appreciated.

-Warui-Usagi