"JUST SHUT UP!"

Dan's brown eyes went blank and his body slumped down on his bed. I heard his mother marching up the stairs, and I tugged on my sweatshirt just as she reached the door.

"What happened?" She said, shaking Dan's shoulders a little bit and propping him up a bit. The room started to spin a bit from shock and I steadied myself on a chair.

"Um, we were-" I stopped myself from saying the word kissing "Just, um, talking and then he started to freak out, is he alright?"

Ms. Howell laid Dan on his bed and pulled a blanket on top of him. "Oh, he's fine, don't you worry dear," she said in a soothing voice "He's been like this ever since the accident."

I followed Dan's mother down the stairs and she sat me down on the couch. "I'll only be a minute, Phillip, would you like some tea?"

"Yes, thanks."

Ms. Howell walked to the kitchen and I heard her fill the kettle with water. I don't understand why Dan doesn't like her, she's rather nice.

I wondered what "The accident" was, maybe it has to do with the mysterious Adrian.

I lean back on the couch and attempt to clear my mind; too many thing has been happening at once and I wanted my mind to stop nagging me about it.

Dan's mother returns minutes later with a tray of tea and cookies in her hands. Looking closely at her, i can see tired eyes, and unlike Dan's warm brown ones, her eyes are a deep blue, almost black.

"Now I expect you'll be wondering why Dan's like this, uh-huh?"

"Well, I guess so, but only if it's okay with-"

"Dan has a mild case of schizophrenia," Ms. Howell says, as if absolutely delighted about it "It happened shortly after the death of his brother, he was never quite the same afterwards."

Oh.

"He was with Adrian, his brother, on the highway and Dan kept bothering him and they crashed into a pickup truck. The sun visor in his car somehow managed to cut off Adrian's head and Dan had to sit through the whole thing. It's basically Dan's fault."

Suddenly I didn't want my tea anymore. I tried to image what Dan must've seen, how he felt. I picture a head soaring through the air for a few moments, then landing next to me, the eyes staring into nothing, all life expelled with a single movement.

I felt repulsed at Dan's mother, how casually she talked about it, like buying a new pair of trousers or going for a relaxing holiday.

"When was this?" I ask, my voice cracking mid-sentence.

"A few months ago, Dan was so traumatized that we had to move house and I had to enroll him for a new school. He's so difficult, if Adrian was still here and Dan died, none of this would of happened."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, Ms. Howell sipping at her tea and tapping away on her phone. She suddenly looks me in the eyes and studies me for a moment or two "He's a bad influence, isn't he?"

"No, I think he's great."

"Dear, you don't have a very good judgement," she says, giving my hands a pat 'Now, Adrian on the other hand, oh, you would've liked him. he was always so talented at school and art-"

"Dan's good at art," I say, interrupting her "he could get into any art school in the world."

"Yes, that's nice dear, but Adrian, oh, he could cook and clean, and he was so handsome. He had a lovely girlfriend and he was so popular, he had so many friends-"

I block out Ms. Howell's praise on Adrian, and think about Dan. I wonder what's going through his mind right now, I wonder how he copes. Obviously he doesn't cut, his skin is perfect and unblemished, unlike my skin that is a dirty canvas.

I always did see him muttering to himself, like he was talking to someone that wasn't there. Maybe that's part of the schizophrenia, maybe he thinks I'm a hallucination, just a figment of his imagination. How horrible it must be to live that way, everything you've ever known or believed, just something that your brain made up.

Reality can be such a cruel place.

"Phillip, are you listening?"

"Oh, sorry, Ms. Howell, I must've dozed off for a second."

"Perfectly okay, dear," she says "Now, what about you and your family?"

"Oh, I live with my father, about half an hour away."

"That's nice, what about your mother?"

My god, this woman was nosy "Um, she passed away when I was very young."

"Was she ill?"

"No, I don't remember, my father doesn't like to talk about it."

Ms. Howell continues droning on about her oldest son and i zone out again. How I wanted to see Dan again, who was trapped in his world of sadness and hallucinations, ongoing battles between himself. I wanted to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything will be okay, stroke his feather soft hair and kiss his soft lips.

How real life could be so boring.