And it's that familiar twintailed again! Here's part 10.
Same disclaimer as previously: we own none of these fandoms, none of these worlds, and none but four of these characters, being Ked (or CJ as he is come to be known), the Owl and the Trees. If we did we'd be out there doing this stuff rather than writing it in our spare time...
"What's the name of the donkey in Winnie the Pooh?" said the owl.
"The Master is on the other side of the room," said the Doctor, his voice in disbelief. "And you ask that?"
"It's my crossword," said the owl, shrugging and staring at the paper it had liberated.
"Eeyore," Luna supplied dreamily.
"Look, woodland animals aside- Jack, stop trying to grope me- the Master is over there!" yelled the Doctor.
"The Master?" queried Ianto.
"Agh!" Jack said. "Please, no shackles!"
"But you like…" Ianto began.
"No I don't."
"Hang on, Jack? Jack Harkness?" Rose asked. "Where's your grey coat?"
"Decided to go for the Pirate look," Jack shrugged, but he winked at her.
"It suits you."
"For God's sake! The Master is over there and all you two can do is swap fashion tips," the Doctor ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
"Who is the Master?" the owl pointed out.
"He's the Master," the Doctor said desperately, trying to put Rose behind him.
"Didn't know you were into that sort of thing Doctor," Donna said conversationally, having made herself a hot chocolate. The Doctor flushed scarlet, lost for words.
"What are you…" he said. "It's the…" he looked at Jack desperately. "Jack, back me up here."
Donna looked at Sam. "Oh! It's the mad Prime Minister we had," she said, and the Doctor sobbed in frustration, leaving Rose to pat him on the arm.
"Doctor," she said gently. "It's just my Uncle Sam."
"Your Uncle?" the Doctor said – probably aiming to shout, but he was running out of steam.
"Maybe they just look alike," suggested Gwen.
The Doctor looked at her, then Sam. "Timey-wimey-ness doesn't apply here; I could tell," he mumbled. He then looked straight at Sam. "Who are you?"
"Sam Tyler, DI," he supplied.
"Working under Gene Hunt," Gene added. "Don't look at me like that, Tyler, you are. My word is law."
"Could have fooled me," Alex muttered.
"What is Winnie the Pooh's favourite food, made by bees, five letters?" the owl interrupted.
"Is that the Times crossword or a children's quiz?" Jack asked.
"Times' crossword," the owl mumbled, holding onto the paper in the way only an owl-who-sounded-like-Stephen-Fry could, rather protectively. Merlin got to his feet, wandering over to the coffee machine and messing with a few buttons, stepping back immediately as steam shot out.
"Honestly, amateurs." Ianto rolled his eyes, moving Merlin out of the way and starting to make coffee for everyone.
"Best make them to take out. We've got Narnia to explore."
"If they stop arguing," said Merlin, now proceeding to press another button that caused the whole machine to shake, and the owl to fly off in protest, squawking.
"Such rudeness," it tutted.
"Honey," said Luna, as the others continued to argue.
"Honey what?" asked Rose, but Luna simply pointed to the owl and its newspaper, where it was busy filling in the provided answer.
"Okay," said the Doctor, still scrutinising Sam. "Suppose you're not the Master."
"I'm not," said Sam innocently.
"Doctor, if he was, we'd be dead," said Jack. "Well, you all would be."
"That's what he wants you to think," answered the Doctor.
"But he knows us," said Alex. "Same world. Everyone has a doppelganger."
"I don't," the Doctor said gruffly.
"Not yet," CJ muttered, and the owl glared at him.
"And Rose's alternate was a dog!" the Doctor said, exasperated, and Rose scowled.
"Thanks," she grumbled, and the Doctor winced apologetically.
"If that is the case," Alex sad in her I-am-Alex-Drake-and-therefore-much-more-clever-than-everyone-in-this-room-particularly-Chris voice, "And Rose in one dimension was a dog in another, why shouldn't your 'Master' guy be our regular Sam Tyler in our dimension?"
The Doctor paused, momentarily confused by the psychoanalyst's logic.
"Look," said the owl. "While we're all letting this paradoxical information sink in, I think you're all forgetting about Narnia. Come on. Drink up your coffee."
"COFFEE!" yelled CJ in pre-caffeine madness.
"NO COFFEE FOR YOU!" The Doctor yelled over his shoulder.
"Aw," said CJ in a prolonged moan.
"Come on, hop it," said the owl.
"But it's too hot," said Jack.
"Yeah," agreed Ianto. "And I want another biscuit," he added thoughtfully, munching away.
"Where did you get those from?" Rose asked accusingly.
"Counter," said Ianto innocently, nibbling at another one whilst swinging Jack's hand.
"Careful, you'll spill it," said Jack, getting progressively more jumpy.
The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck in thought. "Narnia… we'd best get back to the TARDIS…"
"Hang on, aren't we already in the TARDIS?"
"Huh?"
"Well, we got here to this parallel universe through Narnia, and we got to Narnia through the TARDIS wardrobe…"
"Er…"
. . . .
Meanwhile, somewhere on the road to Isengard, Arthur was still emoing on a rock, and the trees were still rustling.
"Watch it," Aragorn whispered to the other three. "Could be an orc."
"Orc smork," said Arthur, his latest sulking spree over as he stood up and walked slightly closer to the others. But he shut up anyway, as the tress parted, and all four had their hands on their weapons, and—
Jenny stepped through, hobbitless, and frowning. "You were all going to hurt me? Tsk. After I went to the effort of getting a lode of horses from those Riders…"
"It's a lass," said Gimli.
"It's a trick," said Aragorn, still scowling.
"It's-" started Legolas, but Arthur suddenly spoke, finishing, "IT'S HER!"
"Hmm?" everyone said, and Jenny tilted her head to one side questioningly.
"It's the crazy lady!" Arthur yelled, and then spun on his heel before running into the forest, screaming like a baby. Everyone watched him go silently.
"Should we go after the wee wild thing?" Gimli asked, whilst Legolas wondered how the dwarf could call anyone who wasn't a hobbit 'wee'.
"Oh, I wouldn't worry about him," Jenny said brightly, skipping over to them. "He'll just run into Ian McKellen before he gets into any trouble."
The name was lost to them, but it was only after they had all introduced themselves that Aragorn got the chance to ask. "Ian McKellen?"
"Yes," she said. "The White Wizard."
The three men visibly tensed and drew their weapons. "Sauroman," Legolas growled, and they all turned to face the forest, to see, to their complete shock and delight, Gandalf, alive and well – and with Arthur hanging off his arm.
The blonde was whining to his disinterested captor as they went. "And she wanted to marry me, which was not cool because I want a civil partnership to my sexy Merlin!"
At that part, everyone stopped, even Gandalf, and stared. "But don't tell him. It's a secret. I like annoying him until then."
"Right…"
"Gandalf? Is that really you?"
"No, it's a ghost," the wizard said sarcastically, but he chuckled in good humour. "Of course it's me, fools!"
"But… how?"
"He fell down a hole, regenerated (like my dad) et viola… ah… love my dad…" Jenny explained.
"What?"
"Where is your dad?" Arthur squeaked, hiding behind Gandalf ever since being put down.
"Flying around in a blue box somewhere," she shrugged.
"The king is flying around in a box?" the blonde prince asked sceptically.
"No. The Doctor is."
Arthur stopped, suddenly argument-less, and smoke started to billow out of his head.
"Is your…?" Jenny started, but Gimli interrupted.
"Woops! Sorry! Was just cooking something just here…"
Whatever Gimli, said, mind, Arthur was still stuck in a state of one hundred percent confusement.
"Someone put him on a horse," said Aragorn, and Legolas set to it. "Gandalf, we have to find Merry and Pippin-"
"Already met them," he said cheerily. "They're on their own mission now. We have other things to attend to in this war… in Rohan."
"Ooh! I like this bit!" Jenny said, jumping onto a horse with elegance and poise, and the men followed suit, as Gandalf summoned Shadofax.
"Off we go then!" Jenny announced loudly, and they begin their ride to Rohan.