Chapter 10

Lexa walked through the crowd of people as if she was stuck in a dream. She knew people were moving around but her mind was still reeling. Clarke had never broken her rule and she would never break her rule, especially with Octavia's brother. She was entirely numb, she didn't know what to feel, how to feel. She wanted to break down, to scream at herself, to cry and cry some more because she ruined everything. She freaked out and ruined it all. It was her fault, not Clarke's. The hurt in Clarke's eyes, the way she could barely stand to look at her made more sense. It wasn't guilt, it was anger and hurt and she deserved it all.

"Hey boo bear, there you are, you look amazing." She heard Costia, she felt her hand on her arm but she wasn't sure if she had looked at her. "Lexa?" She heard her ask a little louder.

"Hmm?" She finally turned, eyes still on Clarke who was still talking to her parents.

"I asked if you were okay?"

Lexa shook her head and tried to remind herself exactly where she was. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine. I just need to talk to my parents before they think I'm still not here."

"They're outside talking with your ex." She could hear the bitterness in Costia's voice and usually she'd make a smart remark but not right now, not after what she had just realized.

"Yeah, they're all close, You knew that though." Lexa kept looking to make sure that Clarke was still talking with her parents.

"Did you know she still calls them mom and pops? I don't even call them that."

Lexa finally looked at her fiancé. "They're close, I can't change that. I'm sorry, they've also known Clarke since she was a baby. Our parents have always been close."

"But you and Clarke weren't I thought? I mean growing up."

She really didn't have time for this conversation right now. "We just didn't have the same group of friends until we were in our senior year really. We got a long but we didn't generally hang out, doesn't mean that she didn't see my parents. Our parents all went to school together."

"Your mom looks at her like she's another daughter."

The sadness in Costia's voice brought Lexa momentarily out of her haze. "She might as well be, Clarke's named after her, that's how close our parents are, I'm sorry I'll explain more later." With that she moved past the other brunette and outside.

"Lexa! There you are! We were just catching up with Clarke, did you know she finished top in her class."

Clarke tried to breathe as she heard Lexa's father say his daughter's name. She hadn't gotten away in time and now she was stuck. "I didn't actually, that's amazing Clarke." She didn't want to look up at the Lexa but she did to be polite and the smile she received almost knocked her off her feet. She hated Lexa's proud of her smile, it always made her feel things and she no longer wanted to feel anything when it came to Lexa.

"I'm sorry I'm late, traffic was a mess, I hate driving the car and not my bike."

"Well if it wasn't for Clarke, you wouldn't have a leg!" Her mother told her with a shake of her head.

Lexa rolled her eyes with a laugh. "Do you mind if I actually steal Clarke for a minute?" She asked her parents without looking at Clarke.

"If she hadn't just snuck away then maybe but it seems she's outsmarted you monkey." She looked at her dad and then where Clarke had been in standing.

"How does she do that?" She asked her parents; she hadn't even felt Clarke leave.

Her mother shrugged. "Be careful Lexa. You know we love you, and we support you in whatever your choices may be but Clarke is putting on a brave face and I hope you can see that."

"I know, and we'll talk about your New York shopping trips later." Lexa gave her mother a pointed look before smiling and kissing her on the cheek. "Especially since you didn't bring anything home for me but I really do need to speak with her."

Her parents both nodded as she excused herself and moved back into the house. Looking around she spotted her dancing with Bellamy and Octavia. She didn't know how she hadn't seen it before, but looking at it now it was clear that Clarke was not into Bellamy, not the way she thought at least. It still didn't explain the kiss but it meant Clarke hadn't lied to her.

"Dance with me?" Her head slowly moved away from what she was looking at and towards Costia.

She wanted to say no, she wanted to say she had to talk to Clarke but she had to get her priorities right. It changed the past but it didn't change the present. This was her life now, a life she chose, it was her bed and she had to lie in it. "Let's dance." She smiled as Costia took her hand and led her out onto the dance floor.

A half hour later, Lexa had to excuse herself. Her head was starting to pound, it felt like it was over loading. As much as she tried to calm her nerves and clear her mind, she couldn't so as she noticed Clarke saying her goodbyes she excused herself from the conversation she was having and ran outside after her.

"Clarke! Clarke wait!" Finally the blonde stopped walking. "Where are going, it's only early?"

Clarke turned around with the most annoyed face Lexa had ever seen. "Work. I have the nightshift."

"Thank you for coming, it meant a lot to mom."

Clarke nodded as she waited for the cab to pull in. "What is it you really want to say Lexa?"

Before Lexa could get a word out, they were approached by an older gentleman and his wife. "Lexa, Clarke. My you two have grown."

"Mr. Livingston, nice to see you." Lexa extended her hand before Clarke did the same.

"Honey, you remember Lexa and Clarke right?" He asked his wife who smiled sweetly and nodded.

"Yes, I've heard great things about you both. Clarke I hear you're a doctor?" She asked as she looked towards the blonde.

Clarke smiled, grateful for the interruption. "Yes, a surgeon more specifically."

"That's fantastic and Lexa here, took over the Callaway group and might I say you're doing a wonderful job. We're all very happy with what you've accomplished."

"We heard you were in New York Clarke, I'm surprised you came back to Laguna, New York is a magical place." Mrs. Livingston said, her eyes lighting up, clearly she was found of New York. "But with a woman as beautiful as your fiancé, I can't blame you. You know I used to live in New York and I moved to L.A. for Jimmy."

"They don't want to hear that story dear, but I would love to take you out for dinner to talk business when your schedule allows it, possibly a double date so we can all catch up. I'd love to hear more about what being a surgeon is like." He looked at Clarke who smiled politely, unsure of what to say.

"That sounds wonderful but…"

"Perfect, it's settled then, I'll have my secretary contact yours. It was lovely to see you both again." With that the Livingstons walked away leaving Lexa and Clarke both shocked at what had just happened.

"I'm so sorry, he just cut me off. I don't know why he thinks that we, I mean he's met… I don't get it." Lexa rambled without finishing a full sentence. "I'm sorry, I'll make sure I set him straight."

"It's fine, not your fault. Have a nice night." Clarke managed to let out as her cab pulled up.

"Wait, please." It was the 'please' that made Clarke turn around, something had changed in Lexa's voice and she was somewhat curious as to what it was. "I met Bellamy, I didn't know he was in town and I didn't know who he was when I saw you with him before and I didn't know he was Bellamy when I saw you at the restaurant."

"What are you talking about Lexa? What restaurant?"

"Four years ago in New York. I saw you having dinner with him and he kissed you and I freaked out and I got mad and I walked away. You said you didn't cheat on me and I didn't believe you and I hurt you because I was hurt but I wouldn't listen. I saw him kiss you and I lost it but you have a rule and you've never broken the rule?" She was rambling again and she hadn't meant for it to come out as a question.

Clarke tried to make sense of what Lexa was saying. She tried to remember why Bellamy would ever kiss her. She thought about telling Lexa that she had broken her rule, just to spite her but she was above that. And that's when she remembered. "He kissed me on the cheek because I told him that I was about to get engaged to the love of my life. He was in town visiting and I asked him to go out to dinner because I couldn't tell Octavia I knew, she'd be too upset so I told the next closest person to me that was in New York. We were celebrating because I couldn't contain how happy I was and waiting for you was killing me. I'm sorry I can't do this right now, I can't look at you because you're telling me that you ruined us, tore my heart out because of something you thought you saw. You should have trusted me."

Before Lexa could say anything she heard the cab door close and once again she was watching Clarke disappear into the distance.

"Everything okay with you two?" She felt Costia wrap her arm around Lexa's and lean her head on her shoulder.

"Yeah, I just found something out but we'll talk about it later." Costia smiled at her and rubbed the inside of her arm as they walked back inside. "Thank you, for understanding that it's complicated and doing this for my mom."

"Of course."

XOXO

All she could hear was sirens, all she could see was her mother crying and Abby rushing to her fathers side. Her head was spinning, she didn't know what to do how to act, she wasn't going with this sort of thing.

"Go, I'll take care of everything here, go with your mom." She knew Costia was speaking to her so her head responded by nodding but she was on autopilot as she watched them put her father into the ambulance and Abby jumping in after him. Her mother was crying and she thought she was holding her but she wasn't sure. At some point she told her mother to go with him in the ambulance and that she'd meet them there.

She wanted to get on her motorcycle, she remembers trying. She hears Anya and Costia trying to talk her out of it. She even hears Raven and Octavia tell her she'd be stupid but she's putting on her helmet, she's numb. She keeps telling them it's the fastest way to the hospital. Then she hears Octavia say something and she nods moving back.

She feels the bike stop and Octavia tap her on the leg. Her body takes over and she gets off the bike. She stops in front of the hospital doors unable to go any further. "Hey, Lexa, come on. I'll go with you. Take a deep breath, it's going to be fine. Abby is the best. Your mom needs you okay."

"You didn't kill me." She's not sure why she said that but it seemed fitting.

Octavia let out a chuckle, there was the woman she knew, always being a smart ass. "Not today. Now come on, you got this."

"I can't do this again." She says softly as they make their way into the hospital and into the elevator.

"Yes you can. Don't make me kick your ass Lexa, because your ass looks good in that dress." A weak smile, her colour started to come back slightly. "That's more like it."

She closed her eyes once more and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes she her mind finally snapped back into reality. "We have to find my mom." Octavia nodded as they made their way to the nurse's station The nurse pointed them in the right direction and Lexa took off running.

Once they made their way to the waiting room she engulfed her mother in a hug. When she pulled away and they sat down her mother wiped away her tears and looked at her daughter. "Tell me you did not ride here Lexa!"

Lexa shook her head. "No, no, Octavia drove. I don't know how she got me to listen but she did."

Elizabeth looked up. "Thank you, Octavia."

"Of course momma C."

XOXO

It had been three hours since they had gotten to the hospital. Three hours and no updates. Octavia had tried to find Clarke but the nurses had no idea where she was and she wasn't answering her phone. Anya and Gustus arrived a half-hour after Lexa and Octavia. They told her that Costia was taking care of the party guests and that she would be there as soon as she got everyone to leave.

Lexa was starting to pace the room and Anya was pretty sure she was wearing out the tile floor.

"Clarke!" Hearing her mother speak made Lexa's head lift up. Clarke was walking towards them in her scrubs, scrub cap still on, looking as though she just got out of surgery. Lexa was certain she had never moved so fast.

"I'm sorry I haven't been out sooner but it was important we got the bleeding under control."

Lexa shook her head as she and her mother stood in front of the blonde doctor. "We? You're in there with him?"

"Yes, I know I shouldn't be and if you'd like me to get another doctor I will but I was the only one free when he came in. I promise you I know what I'm doing and my mother is the best."

Without another word Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Clarke and held on tight. Clarke's eyes never left Lexa's though and it was the safest she had felt since the whole thing happened. "I wouldn't want anyone else in there Clarke." Elizabeth said through a few tears.

"Sit down and I'll give you an update okay." Clarke felt Elizabeth nod as she pulled away and sat down. She kneeled in front of both Callaway women and took Elizabeth's hands in her own. She explained what had happened and what they were doing to fix it. She tried to tell them as much as she could before kissing Elizabeth on the forehead and offering Lexa a soft smile. "I'll send someone out to update you as soon as I can."

"Will you do it?" Elizabeth asked, "will you update us."

Clarke nodded. "I can do that." She went to walk away and was half way down the hall when she felt fingers graze her arm. Turning around she felt Lexa wrap her arms around her and she couldn't help but do the same in return. "Everything is going to be okay, I'm here now and I promise you it will be okay. You are one of the strongest people I know. So use your stubbornness and keep telling yourself that it's going to be okay, because it is." Lexa nodded as Clarke held her at arms length. "I'll come back out soon."

Lexa shook her head. "Do you have to go? Can you stay and talk me through it so that it makes sense because it doesn't make sense. I need it to make sense."

It took a minute but Clarke finally nodded. "Of course." She knew how Lexa's mind worked and she also knew that her mother would be okay without her for a little while. "Let's go sit down though because I'm the tiles already need to be replaced from where you were pacing." Lexa looked up at her with a questioning look.

'How did you know I was pacing?"

Clarke chuckled softly as she wrapped and arm around Lexa's shoulder as they walked and gently rubbed up and down her back. "You pace when you're anxious and you don't know what to do." Lexa nodded as they rounded the corner and sat down in an empty hallway.

"This isn't the waiting room."

"You didn't want to be in the waiting room. So we'll sit here, I'll explain what's going on and then I'll walk you back. You can make sense of it to momma C and I'll go finish helping my mom."

Lexa nodded as she leaned her head on Clarke's shoulder without thinking. "You're a real life doctor."

Clarke let out a soft laugh. "I'm a real life doctor."

She waited a minute for Lexa's breathing to even out before going over exactly what was happening in the operating room and what she would be doing once she went back in.

"I know you hate me, hell I hate me right now but thank you for being here, for talking it out with me."

"I could never hate you Lexa and you don't have to thank me for doing my job.

XOXO

5.5 Years Ago

Clarke woke up to the sound of an alarm going off. She groaned as it kept beeping. "Babe, turn it off." She grumbled into Lexa's neck where her head was lying.

"Mmm." Was all Lexa could manage to get out as her hand reached out and hit the snooze button on the alarm. She felt Clarke get closer to her, if that was even possible. Their limbs were a tangled mess underneath the ruffled covers but somehow Clarke managed to get closer. "I have to get up."

"No." Clarke whined as she felt Lexa start to run her fingertips down her exposed back.

"I told you I'm here for business, means I have to do business."

"Business can wait until after we've had morning sex." Lexa raised an eyebrow, her eyes still closed and Clarke's fingers gently ran across Lexa's bare stomach, pulled her closer.

"Morning sex eh?" She grinned as she kissed the top of her girlfriend's head.

Clarke nodded as she ran her finger tips down Lexa's thigh. "Mhmm."

"Ugh, I really do have to get up though."

Clarke shook her head. "What if I told you, you still have two hours before you have to even think about getting up?"

"What do you mean?" Lexa lifted her head off the bed and looked over at the clock.

"I may have changed the time the clock so that I could have you all to myself this morning."

Lexa smirked and rolled her girlfriend over so that she was now straddling her. "Sneaky Griffin."

"But so worth it." Clarke grinned as she opened her eyes and looked up at Lexa. Her hands moving down to grab the back of Lexa's thighs.

"That's going to cost you."

Clarke grinned. "I was hoping it would."

Two hours later, Lexa's second alarm sounded. Turning it off as quickly as she could she slipped from underneath the covers as the morning sun shined in through the blinds. She looked back at her girlfriend as she started to change into some clothes. She wished she could draw the way Clarke could because she wanted to remember how the blonde looked in this moment. Peacefully sleeping, blonde hair sprawled out onto her pillow, arms stretched across the bed where Lexa had been lying moments earlier. Lexa knew she couldn't be more in love if she tried. Being apart from Clarke had taught her one very important thing, she never wanted to be apart from her again once they were both done school. It didn't matter where they were as long as they were together.

When she came back from her shower she smiled at the Clarke's still sleeping form. She put her navy blue pencil skirt on and a white tank top as she looked around for her matching blazer. She was attempting to dry her hair some more when she heard Clarke start to stir. Smiling she looked over and saw her smiling up at her with the cutest sleepy grin she had ever seen. Leaning over she gave her a soft peck on the lips before kissing the tip of her nose then her forehead.

"I hate that you have to go, do you have to go?"

Lexa grinned like a fool. "Sadly I do, being an adult sucks. I'll be back before you know it and tomorrow we can spend the whole day in bed. I love you beautiful."

"Love you." Clarke mumbled into Lexa's pillow as she pulled it toward herself.

XOXO

Two hours later Clarke walked back out into the waiting room. Costia was sitting next to Elizabeth, Anya and Octavia, Lexa had taken to stand against the back wall. Lexa moved from the wall immediately after seeing Clarke. She watched as she took her scrub cap off and waited for her to speak even though she didn't have to say a word, Lexa already knew what she was going to say.

TBC…

A/N:I know, I know, I'm a big ol meany. Hope you all like it even though I feel like I'm going to need to get much better at catching rocks. Thank you all so much for your kind words, I really truly read every single comment and I'm slowly getting the hang of this whole tumblr thing so I've been answering everyones questions over there too. I'm also going to try and start posting some BTS stuff, where I get my ideas from on there as well if anyone is interested.