The Sky Is Awake
X. A Chance To Change My Lonely World
Anna couldn't stop jumping. "When's it gonna open, Papa? When, when?"
"When you act like a real princess," her father replied in that serious voice Anna didn't like, but she got it – she really did – because today they were opening the gates earlier than usual and there would be people waiting outside. Today was special.
Today she was four years old.
So Anna did her best to hold still as her mother fixed the ribbons in her hair. Mama was humming her special song under her breath. Mama liked the crowds. "Everything!" Anna said eagerly. "Everything, Mama!"
Her mother smiled. "I haven't even started singing, sweetheart. Now please try not to ruin your hair again; the gates are about to open. Look at Elsa."
Anna made a face. Why did everyone keep saying that? It was like they didn't know Elsa also tripped on her dresses and snorted milk up her nose. But then Elsa gave her one of her apologetic shrugs and Anna just grinned because it was so much more fun when the adults didn't know. She skipped over and sort of crashed into her sister's side, making Elsa giggle and glance at their parents' expressions.
She patted down the collar of Anna's oversized coat as the guards marched up to the gate. "Wanna get chocolate apples?" she whispered. Anna's face lit up.
Papa held out his arm for Mama, and together they looked down at their daughters. "We're going to lose them again this year," Papa sighed. The queen patted his arm comfortingly.
"It's their kingdom. They will be fine. But if it will assure Your Majesty…" She smiled down at her children. "What do you need to remember today, Elsa?"
Anna held out her hand with a wide smile. Elsa's fingers slipped around her mittens and Anna swung their arms happily.
"Hold onto Anna," Elsa answered dutifully; but she sneaked a smile at the end.
A frosty breeze hurried through the opening gates. "And you, Anna?" Mama asked.
She could smell chocolate. Hear music. People. "Elsa," Anna said, because suddenly she couldn't find the rest of her words. There was a big, big world out there and four years old seemed very small now.
Their parents straightened and put on their royal smiles. So did Elsa, but first she pulled Anna just a little behind her and whispered, "It's okay. Just pretend they're snowmen."
Light started to flood through.
Anna looked up. "Can we make one? A snowman?"
"It doesn't snow this early in winter, girls," their father murmured. Papa heard everything.
Elsa squeezed her hand and winked.
With the blast of a trumpet, the gates swung open.
She could hear her own snoring. And someone knocking on the door. "Princess Anna? Are you awake?"
Groaning, she rolled over… and floundered instinctively until she realised she hadn't fallen off the bed. For once. Anna blinked awake and wondered what she was doing on the floor.
"Princess Anna?"
She had a feeling she was forgetting something. She yawned. "Yeah?"
"So sorry for waking you, ma'am-"
"No, no, no, no, you didn't." She pulled hair from her mouth, wiped her drool, felt herself dozing back to that sweet, warm cocoon. "I've been up for hours…"
"It's time to get ready, Your Highness."
Her head slipped, jerking her back awake. "Right, of course… ready for what, sorry?"
"The winter festival, my lady. It begins today."
Oh, she knew that already. Of course she knew that. She'd watched the fireworks, all sixteen of them and-
Anna jumped up, wide awake. "It's my birthday!" she gasped. Tripping over blankets, she rushed to the mirror and pulled at her cheeks, her hair, checking her smile and eyes; looking for a sign, a sliver of maturity – something – to show that she was a year older.
Kai cleared his throat. "Please hurry and change, Princess. I strongly advise dressing warmly. It seems windy outside."
Anna smoothed down that curious lock of white hair. "I wasn't thinking of going outside… oh, but I could. Do you think Chestnut remembers my birthday?"
The window stood broad and bright behind her reflection. Anna looked over her shoulder, cocking her head as she studied a spot by the ledge, where her geometry book lay neatly in the sunlight. She loved sitting there, but she also vaguely remembered that she had specifically made sure she was in no shape to do her homework this week. It was cold up on the watchtower.
She picked up the book, flipped it open and a pen fell out. Her pen… but it wasn't her handwriting that filled the pages.
Do you ever wish, Anna?
Anna whirled, spinning in a circle. The room was empty.
Through the door, Kai was saying, "But Princess Anna, the gates will open short-"
"I'm sorry, Kai, I just– have you seen–"
Then she heard – really heard – what he had said.
The door flew open so quickly Kai was almost bowled over. He began to bow. "Good morn-"
"Kai," Anna cut in breathlessly. "Kai. What did you just say?"
"Why, good morn-"
"No, no, no! Before that. About the gates-" She'd forgotten how to say the word.
Kai looked at her for a long moment. Anna didn't know if she was breathing. Then he smiled at her, and it was so strange because it was the kind of smile he used to give her when the king and queen were too busy to see her crayon drawings.
"Princess Elsa has asked that the gates be opened today."
Open.
It's alright, Anna.
Distantly, Anna heard herself ask, "Forever?"
Kai shook his head. "For you."
"Chocolate apples!"
"Slow down! We just had breakfast and-"
"But Elsaaaa, it's chocolate!"
"… Alright, you got me. But we have to keep it a secret from Mama and Papa, okay?"
"Mmhmm mm hmm!"
"Hey, leave some for me! It's all over your face now. Hold still, silly."
"Mmph… Elsa? After this, can we get some-"
"Marshmallows?"
"That's what I was going to say! Jinx!"
"Jinx again!"
"Elsa! Elsa, Elsa!"
She had to grab the doorframe before she flew past. Knocked impatiently. No answer – but the thoughts in her head were too loud for her to hear the silence. "Kai said–" She caught her breath. "Kai said you said– about the gates– oh, Elsa, this is just– this is going to be so nice!"
She felt like hugging the white door – no, kicking it open. Because her chest swelled so warm and large she wanted to laugh and sing and cry at the same time, and she just wished Elsa would open the door so they could pick dresses together and– go outside.
Outside.
Anna clapped her hands. "Do you think there will be chocolate? Oh, oh! They'll have chocolate apples, right? I don't know where we'd start! Well, of course we'll have to meet everyone – you know, princesses of the land and all. And then– what if…? What if one of us meets the one?"
She gasped at her own genius. He'd be a prince, naturally, and he'd come striding in on his white horse – maybe even, oh, rescue her from– anything! Everything about him would be dreamy, perfect; bonus points if he liked chocolate and sandwiches and sliding around in socks. But it'd be okay even if he wasn't anything like that, as long as he never tried to shut–
Anna blinked.
"Elsa?" A familiar hesitation lingered in her voice. "Are you in there?"
Papa used to say she needed to fix that bad habit – asking questions she already knew the answers to. Apparently princesses shouldn't ask; they should just know.
And sometimes, Anna did. Know, that was.
Open gates, she reminded herself, feeling light with two simple words.
But there was just… something about the way Kai had smiled softly, sadly, that made Anna nervous with the silence. Even though she knew, somehow, that Elsa's room was empty and her sister was avoiding her and that it was still a hundred times better than being ignored – Anna still didn't like it.
For you.
She never did end up asking Elsa, did she? About her door and hiding and all these years.
Anna found the doorknob with her fingers. "It's okay now… right?" she asked the white door.
It stood stalwart and quiet. Truce with an old foe. It was in one of Papa's tactics books somewhere.
"I'm really going to do it. Like, on-the-count-of-three really."
She stretched her fingers, placed them back in position carefully.
"Okay? Okay. One!"
Maybe she should knock one more time.
"Twoooo."
Just in case Elsa really was in there.
"Two and a half…"
What am I doing?
"Princess Anna?"
She jumped back.
Anna stared wide-eyed at Kai, materialised out of nowhere like he always did when something was about to go very wrong in front of her parents. One of her winter coats was draped over his arm.
Anna laughed nervously, tucking a curl behind her ear. "W-Wow, Kai, you really walk like you have no legs! I mean, not no legs, just no sound which is actually pretty creepy when you think about it. Not that I'm really thinking at all so I'm just going to, um, go-"
Smiling, Kai dipped his head. "My lady, if I may interrupt-"
"What? Oh no, you're not inter-"
"Princess Elsa does not lock her door."
She closed her mouth with a click, blinking. After a moment, Kai gave a small bow for no reason and Anna wondered how long he and Gerda had known. Did they knock on Elsa's door? Would it change anything if she had found out earlier?
Kai stepped forward to place the coat around her shoulders. Anna exhaled and pulled it against her neck, not realising how chilled the fever had left her. It was always a little too cold inside the palace. Naturally it would be warm at the festival, because there would be so many people and, well, everything. Unless it snowed – then it would be the best birthday ever.
Anna turned to Kai with a small grin. "Can you believe it? I'm sixteen today. And Elsa-" She stopped.
Elsa would be nineteen in five days. Only nineteen – even though she seemed so far away from riding bikes and talking to portraits… even though she could already use Mama's queenly voice like it was hers from the beginning. And suddenly Anna realised that she had always been three steps behind, following footprints left for her in the snow.
Always.
She reached out and clutched Kai's arm. The words tussled and fought on her tongue. "Kai – when do we – princesses – have to stop… stop being children?"
She couldn't remember ever seeing such a startled expression on Kai's face – but she saw it now. Then it melted into sympathy and Anna huffed because bad habits. "Please, Princess," Kai told her gently. "Your sister wanted you to enjoy the festival."
"I will," she replied. "After I get Elsa to come as well."
"Princess Elsa is busy with-"
"It's her birthday, too."
Kai closed his mouth. And Anna meant to apologise because it wasn't supposed to have burst out like that –stubborn and unladylike and childish. Papa would frown if he heard her, which Anna liked to think he and Mama were always doing.
But then Kai smiled. And he said, "This morning, Princess Elsa asked two things of me. First, I was to make sure that you were dressed warmly for the weather."
Eyes widening, Anna curled her fingers into the woollen sleeve of her coat and thought of a blanket that smelled of powdered snow and childhood. Check.
"And the second?" she whispered.
Kai gestured for her to come closer.
"Look at all those ships – they're so big! Look at that one!"
"That's Corona's flag. And that one over there is Weaseltown. Papa says we do a lot of business with them. I forgot what we trade. I think-"
"Elsa. Too smart."
"Oh. Sorry."
"That's okay, queens have to be smart. Like Mama!"
"I-I guess… You're going to fall into the water if you skip like that."
"I'll be okay. Elsa can swim."
"Elsa doesn't want to get her dress wet."
"I don't want you to be queen, Elsa. It's too boring."
"It's… important."
"But you won't be able to ride our bike or build a snowman with me anymore."
"What? I can still do that!"
"Really?"
"… I think."
"Elsa!"
"Okay, okay, I promise!"
Their father used to tell them to stay away from the gallery, because apparently there were less priceless artefacts they could accidentally spill hot cocoa on. Even so, he hadn't chased Anna out when he had found her in there, six years old and talking to Joan of Arc. Instead, he'd picked her up and explained each painting to her; the boring history and weird artist names and brush techniques. When Anna told him she thought Elsa might be more interested, Papa had given Saint Olaf's likeness a pensive grown-up look and didn't speak for a while.
Just before Anna fell asleep against his shoulder, she told her father she'd seen his coronation portrait in the library, and that he looked handsomer in real life. Papa had chuckled and told her it was because they hadn't let him smile, but one day she would find the same portrait in a special room somewhere, and he would be smiling in that one because of the crooked angle it had been hung. Ten years later, Anna still hadn't found it – but some part of home still smelt like musky oil paintings.
"Hi Elsa, meet Joan – Joan, meet Elsa. I guess shaking hands is kinda hard but, um… urgh!"
Anna groaned as she hurried down the hallway. This was not how she'd wanted them to meet – she wasn't sure she wanted them to meet at all. Joan knew too many of her secrets and Elsa… Elsa…
Keep Anna away from the portrait room, Kai had murmured in her ear.
What in the world was she doing?
The familiar arched doors came into view – closed tightly shut. Anna skidded to a halt in front of them. Caught her breath – had she really run through half the palace? Why were these shoes so uncomfortable? What if the festival had already started? No, she'd hear it from here, surely. There was still time to drag Elsa to the gates and– wait, why was she standing here staring at the doors?
Anna raised a fist to knock. Then she realised that these doors weren't white; they were a dark mahogany and she had always thrown them wide open like curtains. Feeling silly, she pressed her hands against the wood. Oh, I'm ready for this – I was born ready–
She heard Elsa's laugh on the other side. Oh God, what was Joan telling her? Anna pushed on the doors–
– just as a voice floated through the crack, "I assure you, Princess, that was exactly what happened…!"
Anna froze. She forgot to blink or breathe or think.
Elsa was in the gallery with a boy – a man.
"You jest, Fredrik," another voice said, and Anna almost fell over. "How could one possibly sing to ze bull and expect it to stop seeing red?"
"It's just a painting, gentlemen. Perhaps we could move on to Joan of Arc…"
Holding her breath, Anna eased open the door a little more. She looked into the gallery.
Elsa was in a regal blue dress, her hair coiled back in a bun – and she was smiling. There were three men in the room with her.
They were all wearing gloves.
Anna felt like she'd been hit by a horse. She tried to think of open gates and chocolate apples – but there was no way past the shock.
"Joan of Arc," one of the men was saying. His hair was cropped short and auburn, and Anna was willing to bet her breakfast that his eyes were dreamy. He turned to Elsa. "A powerful woman. Just like Your Highness."
Elsa clasped her hands together. "I couldn't compare, Prince Gregory."
Prince! She knew it!
"I can hardly ride a horse on my own," Elsa admitted.
"I could zertainly teach you," the shortest man – another prince; must be – offered, but was quickly cut off by the first voice.
"That reminds me! My stable received a fine young mare last spring. Beautiful creature – so befitting of you, Princess Elsa. I would be happy to-"
"Please, Prince Fredrik," Elsa said hurriedly, which was strange because Elsa never interrupted anyone. "Your presence – all of your presences – is more than enough for my birthday. You've already brought enough gifts to keep our stewards busy till teatime."
The princes laughed; a rich blend of baritones that Anna used to hear at her father's guest dinners. She hadn't heard that sound in a very long time.
Princess Elsa has asked that the gates be opened today
Her fingers clenched tight on the brass handle.
"I still believe we should personally present Princess Anna with our gifts," Prince Gregory said. He was the tallest of them, with broad shoulders and badges shimmering across his chest. He reminded Anna of a leopard – she didn't know why. She'd only seen them in books. Elsa used to read all sorts of books to her, lying on their stomachs in this very room.
Keep Anna away from the portrait room.
Elsa smiled. "I'm afraid my sister is still recovering from the winter flu. I'm sure she would love to meet you… Anna is very fond of people."
"Then she might remember me!" Fredrik looked pleased. "I visited Arendelle with my uncle five years ago and went riding with Princess Anna. We enjoyed each other's company immensely."
Anna's jaw dropped.
Oh God. Fredrik. The one who had been a head shorter than her and wouldn't stop talking in third person – the one whose hat Chestnut had chewed off, baring a bald spot that sent him into tears for the rest of his visit.
That Prince Fredrik.
"I don't recall meeting you during my stay, Princess Elsa. I was sorely disappointed. Your sister told me so much about you."
He didn't remember, did he? That Anna had taken Fredrik to Elsa's door, confident that a boy would be able to lure her sister out. But all they got was the usual silence, and Fredrik had taken it so personally he'd said things about Elsa that ensured no shred of sympathy for him when Chestnut took his hat. They had been kids.
And now he was a man. In the portrait room. Looking for her.
A sudden blast of cymbals and trumpets blared through the windows.
Anna almost fell through the door. No matter how eagerly she waited for it, the festival music always startled her. She'd usually start laughing after the shock, because even if Elsa pretended not to hear her knocking, there was no way she could miss the sound of the winter festival – their festival – starting.
Elsa turned her head to the windows. Anna heard their mother's special song from far, far away. What starts with Anna and ends with Elsa? And Papa would pat their heads and answer, Trouble.
"Happy birthday," Anna whispered. The music drowned her out. She wondered if the gates would open without her. Elsa probably wouldn't want to go, not with all– this. Anna realised she could charge in right now and, maybe, her life would change.
She started to let the door fall shut.
Then she heard Elsa start. "Fr– Prince Fredrik, what are you-"
Anna fumbled for the handle.
"It's your birthday, Your Highness! As your closest partner in trade, it is only fitting that I offer you your first dance of the day."
"I… I'm honoured – really – but I-"
Fredrik had taken Elsa's hand in his. Dirt, Anna thought for no reason. She watched her sister's face and saw the walls in her expression. But it wasn't like that day outside Smolt's office; the walls weren't coming up – Anna only just saw that they had been there the entire time. Elsa looked terrified.
Prince Gregory crossed his arms and the third prince shook his head, his long curly hair disapproving. "No, no, no, Fredrik. Prinzess Elsa's first dance should surely be with someone who knows not to step on her feet."
"What are you talking about, Lucio? I was personally taught by my uncle, Weselton's esteemed Monkey with the Face of a Peacock!"
"G-Gentlemen, please-"
"It really does get chilly here in Arendelle. Here, Princess, take my jacket."
"I– thank you. But I really don't-"
"Come on, how can you not dance on such a special occasion? At least one-"
"Dos! Ze princess must partner with I."
"You're half a head shorter than her, Lucio!"
The door banged open. It took Anna a moment to realise it had come from her.
The princes spun around. Fredrik let go of Elsa's hand. Gregory unfolded his arms.
Elsa's wide blue eyes found hers across the room.
Then the strangest thing happened. Anna found herself thinking of the long dinners Papa was always locked up in at this time of year. No matter how much Anna complained, she was never allowed to see the guests, even though they always brought her and Elsa so many expensive presents. Every year, Anna would try to sneak in. Every year, her mother would prise Anna's hands off her dress, touch their foreheads together and sigh, Maybe one day when you're older.
And when Anna saw her sister standing frozen in the midst of all these good-looking but so pushy princes, she realised that they weren't really here to celebrate their birthday at all.
"… Hi," Anna blurted.
Lucio raised an eyebrow. "Prinzess Elsa? Who might this beautiful maiden be?"
Without looking away, Elsa just shook her head. Anna figured it was meant for her, to warn her, push her away, shut the door. And it would probably be easier to listen, because Your sister wanted you to enjoy the festival.
But it was their birthday. And Elsa always promised that Anna would be alright, but she never ever gave Anna the chance to promise her big sister the same thing.
Anna took a step into the gallery. The air was blissfully cold against her burning ears. She forced her tongue to untangle itself.
Anna said, "M-My sister doesn't dance."
Elsa closed her eyes, let out a long breath. Anna looked at the princes. Today, Mama, she thought. I'm older today. Because even princesses have to grow up, and they can't be protected forever, no matter how hard everyone around them tried.
Elsa was looking at her. She tried a small, grateful smile. Anna grinned back.
"… But I do."
A/N: I'm sorry about the long wait. There was uni and work and clinical placement. You have no idea how much I missed writing. But a gazillion drafts later, here it is! I'll read through and pick up the little edits later - hope it's okay for now. Continued in Elsa's POV next chapter!
I've been pretty good about keeping an updated word count for upcoming chapters on my tumblr. Check up there if I'm slow with updates. Link in my profile!