I had been with Carlisle and Edward for two weeks now. My thirst was beginning to slow down, at least enough that Carlisle was able to return to work for eight hour days. I had taken some of the material that he had gotten, a nice dark blue and made Carlisle a nice sweater for work. He had been shocked that I had thought of it and Edward had been kind enough to "borrow" one of his shirts for me to use as a guide. I had been honored when he had left the house wearing it this morning. I was settling into this life with ease. While I still mourned the loss of my son, I was beginning to see my relationship with Edward becoming that of a parent and child. While I figured that Carlisle would never see me as anything more than a child, Edward definitely needed a mother figure in his life. He could be impulsive and rash at times allowing his tone to hurt when he was not using his mind. I had reprimanded him harshly when he had almost broken Carlisle one afternoon simply by being a teenager. After they had worked everything out, he had come to me and thanked me for putting him back in his place. We had a long conversation about his mother that afternoon which needed with him promising that he would always come to me when he needed to talk.
Edward had needed to go out for a short hunt himself this morning as he had overheard some of Carlisle's more medical thoughts. I had understood and sworn that I would stay in the house, holding my breath until he returned. While I was now breathing, it was shallow for fear that something would go wrong. I returned my attention back to my sewing, working on curtains for the kitchen as this house had been rather bare when I had woken. Now it was beginning to feel like a home rather than simply a place to stay. I began to hum my favorite Church hymns, enjoying the mindless task that sewing offered me. A snap, caught my attention and I flew to the living room. I pulled back a corner of the curtain and looked out, seeing nothing. I figured that it was safe as we were an hour's drive away from the main town and people almost never ventured this far out. I opened the door and stepped outside, thinking that Edward was playing games with me.
"Edward?" I kept one hand on the door frame as I hesitantly took a sniff. Then it hit me. The sweetest smell I had ever come across. I took a deeper breath and found myself stepping away from the house. The aroma was one of fresh strawberry's and a misty afternoon and I was completely drawn towards it. I felt my venom begin to flow as the monster reared its head. With a snarl I bolted towards the scent, grabbing hold of whatever animal it was with all I had. I heard a scream but only snarled in response, burying my teeth into its neck. The blood was so sweet and warm, instantly soothing ever inch of my itching throat. It was thicker than anything else I had had before and all I wanted was more. As the animal ran dry, I pulled my head back and a silent scream escaped me. A young man lay before me; his mouth open in a scream that he never had the chance to utter. In horror, I dropped his corpse and ran back to the house, slamming the door with all my strength, splintering it into shards. I made my way to the closet under the stairs and curled into a ball, shaking in fear of my inner monster.
CPOV
I had been hesitant leaving Esme alone with Edward this morning but they had both assured me that everything would be fine. I had been rather pleased with Esme's progress but I had never seen anything like her thirst before. She was averaging eight kills a day when she first awoke and was always on edge. Thankfully she was down to four but I was pretty certain that she was lying to me about being satisfied. I wanted to protect her in all things and sometimes wished that I could take away her pain but I knew better. All I could was support her in anyway that I could.
A knock on my office door brought my attention back to work at hand. Nurse Leon popped her head around the door with a rather pale looking face.
"Dr. Cullen, your son just called and said that there has been some kind of hunting accident at home. Should I send an ambulance?" Fear instantly shot through me as I realized that I had come back to work too soon.
"No, that is alright. If it is too serious I will bring him here. Thank you." I smiled at her as I grabbed my keys and headed down to the car port. I knew that I couldn't leave my car here but the drive would be agonizing. I drove as quickly as I dared, knowing that I had a lot to deal with when I got there.
Edward was waiting for me outside the house, blood covering his shirt and arms. He hands were holding pieces of the front door, which was covering the front yard. I quickly went to his side, looking him over to make sure that he was not hurt.
"I'm fine Carlisle, although I can't get near her. I have tried but each time she tried to attack me, screaming that she wants to be alone. She killed a young man, I took his body miles away and buried it, throwing his wallet into a ravine. Carlisle," He put a hand on my shoulder as I went to enter the house. "I'm not sure she will recover from this." I nodded, then took a deep breath, smelling her on this floor. The hall closet door was open and I could hear sobbing coming from within. I stepped up to the door and stopped, wanting Esme to smell me so I did not startle her.
"Esme darling, its Carlisle. Edward told me what happened, it's okay. You have done nothing wrong, may I come in?" I heard nails being dragged across wood as she dragged herself forward. A snarl sounded as she grabbed the door and closed it. I sighed, knowing that I was in for a long day. "Esme, you did what is natural to our kind. While we try, the first year of our lives is the hardest for us to resist. You were not doing anything that you are not made to do."
"I'm a MONSTER!" Her scream echoed through the house as I heard her begin to drag her nails across her skin. Without hesitating, I threw open the door and pulled her into my arms. She growled at me and began to hit me, trying to get away. I simply held on, knowing that she needed comfort more than anything at this time. She bit down on my shoulder, tearing my suit and ripping a piece off. I bit back my snarl and simply sat on the floor, gathering her into my lap and rocking her like small child. Edward entered the house and sat across from me, simply waiting it out. I leaned my head against the wall and waited for her anger to fade. She continued to try and claw at herself, to the point that Edward had to restrain her hands. She was lost in the agony and he was struggling with her thoughts. As the clock chimed midnight, she finally pulled away, calm enough to sit on a chair in the living room while Edward and I replaced the door and cleaned up. I ran a bath, making sure to put her favorite lavender water in before returning to her side.
"Come Esme, you will feel much better when you are clean. Staying in this state will not help you to move on. Come." She put her hand in mine, mindlessly following as I led her to the bathroom. Edward had put a nightgown and towel in the bathroom, making sure that my bed was ready when she was finished. While we did not sleep, he had seen that when bad things happened she tended to retreat to her room to work through everything. I kissed her on the forehead before leaving and closing the door. I made sure to pull a chair up outside so I would be there is she needed anything.
EsPOV
I slipped out of my clothing, tossing them into the far corner so that the smell was as far away from me as possible. As I gently touched the bath water, I found that the water was hot, just the way I had been hoping it would be. I slid into it, inviting the water to boil me alive. When all I felt was comfort, I slide beneath the water, settling my head on the bottom. It was odd that my lungs did not scream for air especially when I wished to die. After a time, the water began to become cloudy with the blood that was being washed off my skin. I sat up, grabbing the cloth and soap. I scrubbed my skin as hard as I could, angered when it did not even turn red. I screamed as I threw the wet cloth at the wall. With a thud, it broke through hitting Carlisle and causing him to startle. While the hole was small, I was still shocked at my strength. A light rapping at the door told me that I was not alone.
"Is everything alright Esme?" Carlisle cleared his throat, most likely from embarrassment.
"Yes, sorry." I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and began to vigorously scrub at my hair, ignoring the slight hammering as Carlisle covered the hole. As I dunked under the water one last time, I prayed for the strength to find a way through this or to die. I quickly dressed and then made my way into the room that had become mine. I stared at the bed and felt the anger within me begin to rise once again. With one hand I grabbed the frame and threw it into the wall. Sliding to the floor, I drew my knees up against my chest and buried myself within my pain.
I heard the door creak open after a while but I did not raise my head. Someone sat next to me on the floor and placed an arm over my shoulders.
"I remember my first accident well. Carlisle has never been as fast when it comes to running and with the extra newborn strength, I left him behind with ease. I was being stupid thinking that at a month old I could go near the human hiking trails and resist. I came across a young man with a young lady and I ended up killing them both. When Carlisle found me, I was cradling the woman in my arms, silent. He had to make it look like a bear attack and was able to get me home. I must have stayed inside for a month, denying myself all blood in punishment for taking not one but two human lives. That was a mistake for the thirst became my enemy and when I finally allowed myself I became lost. I drank almost an entire herd of deer before I felt sated. What I am trying to say Esme, is that punishing yourself for a mistake that you had no control over is wrong. You have done nothing wrong and all you can do is work towards the future." I lifted my head slightly and placed it on Edward's shoulder, knowing that he was right.
"Does it really get easier?"
"With time. I know that I will never forget their faces but with time I have come to realize that the nature I have been given is a challenge. The fact that Carlisle teaches us to respect human life is so far outside what we are the he is never angry when mistakes happen as he is fully aware that not everyone has his ability. I was so upset with myself for the longest time but I have been able to let it go with the forgiveness that Carlisle has given me. He forgives you and like me, you must forgive yourself." He gently wrapped me in a hug before leaving me alone yet again. I sat contemplating his words. I realized that he was right, not once had Carlisle displayed any anger towards me, only compassion and love. I decided right then and there that I would never take another life and would always remember the man who had died at my hands.
I quickly dressed and returned downstairs to find Carlisle sitting in the living room with his head in his hands. Without a word, I knelt in front of him and took his hands within mine. He opened his mouth to say something but I quickly pressed a finger to his lips.
"It is my turn to speak. I have been in this new life for two weeks and have yet to thank you. I was filled with despair when I jumped from that cliff because my baby boy, my Thomas, had died only three days after being born. I told everyone that I had met while I was pregnant that my husband had been killed during the war but it was a lie. I was still married to a man by the name of Charles Evenson, but there was no way that I could ever raise a child under his roof. During our courtship he had been an amazing man, he drew in everyone around him and even my parents fell in love with him. So when he proposed, I felt that I had to say yes. The wedding planning went forward and before I knew it, I was his wife. From then on, I felt as if God had abandoned me but I knew that I had to be a good wife and try to help Charles to control his anger. I am still not sure how or why he did, but when his temper went out of control he would take his anger out on me. I learned quickly that not even my mother would help me and that I was supposed to control his anger. Carlisle, after living here for two weeks with two men that I have never known, I see now that my mother was wrong. I do not deserve to be beaten or to feel that God has abandoned me when He has not. Instead, He sent you to give me a second chance and to find the life that I should have had. Today was simply a step in the wrong direction, maybe it was even a test to see how much I have learned in the two weeks that I have been truly living. Thank you for being God's hand and allowing me to stay with you until I am able to live amongst humans once again." I took a small breath as I waited for Carlisle to process this information. He simply smiled at me as he wrapped his large hands around my two dainty one's.
"Thank you for telling me all of that. I still remember the day when you were brought into the emergency room all those years ago. Your mother was a rather terrifying presence but you shone like the sun. Your heart and kindness made you stand out among a crowd. I was surprised that a young woman had thought to try and save some baby birds when everyone else would have simply turned away. I knew then and there that you were meant for an amazing future. When I discovered that it was you in the morgue, barely clinging to life, I found that I could not just walk away. I know that perhaps it was selfish of me but I could not allow such an amazing life to be snuffed out. I hope that you feel comfortable here and will stay with Edward and I, perhaps we can make something more out of this coven."
"Coven?" The word was new and I had not heard him refer to us as that before.
"It is the word that vampire's use for people in a group. I tend to prefer family but perhaps we are not there yet." Before I could pause to think through my action, I gently brought my hand up to Carlisle's face and tipped it down towards me. I sat up and pressed my lips to his, surprised at the desire that immediately coursed through me. When he did nothing in return, I pulled away, finding the far wall behind my back. As embarrassment coursed through me, I bolted out the front door wanting to get as far away as I could, from the man that I was falling in love with.
CPOV
Anger was flaring through me as I listened to Esme recount the horrors that she had faced since I had last seen her ten years ago. I had always believed that violence was wrong in any situation and that those who felt it was right did not deserve to be around others. I was shocked that her family had condoned her husband beating her! She should have been able to find support and help from her mother but she had simply been turned away. As we continued to speak, my mind was racing, trying to figure out the best way to kill the man who had ever dared lay a hand on my Esme.
Suddenly her lips were pressing against mine and I felt a stirring inside of myself, an animalistic voice was roaring, wanting to lay claim to her but I was frozen. She pulled away, the hurt flashing across her face as she fled, most likely assuming that I did not feel anything for her. I felt myself rise to my feet as a slight growl escaped my throat. What on earth was I doing? She was not mine anymore than Edward belonged to me but there was a part of me that wanted her more than anything. So I followed, needing to speak with her once again. Her scent was easy to follow as I had found myself desiring it whenever we were apart. I had turned her out of compassion but was now finding that perhaps there had been selfish undertones that I had not been open to listening to. The trail suddenly stopped and I found myself looking in every direction trying desperately to find her.
"Esme!" I screamed with every ounce of my being, needing her to be near me once again. I spun around once more to find her standing behind me, her red eyes open and afraid.
"Yes?" She was hesitant, afraid of rejection after everything that she had been through. I would not be the person to reject her. I took her shaking body into my arms and simply held her. I felt her arms snake around my neck as she tilted her head back and looked into my eyes. I saw all the hope and desperation that filled her, shining through her eyes. I leaned down and kissed her, softly, hesitantly. When I finally broke away, I knew that I could never truly be apart from this amazing woman again.