Hello, Strangers! By Ginger Foutley
You open your front door one morning, step down the walkway to your waiting car, and you're wondering exactly what point it was when you stopped kidding yourself that someday, you would quit your job and do something constructive with your life. You can't put your finger on that turning point, you don't remember giving up on your dreams. But sure enough, you pushed them farther and farther into the back burner, until eventually there was no room left for them. All the petty concerns of life muscled their way in. Work probably had a lot to do with it. After all, you had all those bills piling up like crazy, right? You have to do something about those when they start to tell you guys are coming to your house. Maybe, if you're lucky, you have time to play with the kids. Except they're too busy being raised by everybody but you.
Okay, I know, I'm being harsh. And I'm not trying to sound all holier-than-thou with you. I'm no parent, and I have fewer responsibilities than a lot of people. Don't get mad, I'm not trying to point fingers. But there's something wrong with a society where we allow things like daycare to become a staple. Call me old-fashioned, but I feel that if you want your kids to grow up with the same values you have, you need to be the one with them when they're young and impressionable. As a parent, you have to do everything you can to ensure that your children grow up right. And it's so hard for that to happen these days. Especially because as they get older, they're going to rebel against you. All children do. If you don't believe me, just ask my mom. Rebellion takes a lot of forms. It's not about going goth or smoking pot, or the music they listen to. It's this strange, powerful force that just makes kids want to be different than your parents. Parents who are neat freaks have kids who are slobs. It just seems to be the order of things. But I'll let you in on a little secret. Kids want to please their parents. They'll deny it until they're blue in the face after they become teenagers, but that doesn't make it any less true.
I don't know, maybe I just see things a lot differently now than I did while I was in high school. I've moved passed the whole mother/daughter relationship thing. My mother and I are more like best friends now. And maybe that's how it's supposed to be. I'm an adult. I can make my own decisions. My mom gives me advice sometimes, but in the end, I still have my own choices to make. If I make a sharp right when she advises me to take a left, she just shrugs. After the fact, she'll even tell me she knew I wasn't going to listen to her. Funny how she seems to know whenever I'm going to find things out for myself, the hard way. Then again, the woman did give birth to me, so I suppose nothing I do should be a genuine surprise to her.
Sometimes, I wonder if I have what it takes to be a parent. Granted, I haven't exactly had to step up and fulfill that role yet. I don't really want to get pregnant, not yet. I think I'm still on the road to marriage. I'm getting there but it hasn't happened yet, and I really don't want to have a kid before I'm married. I had to grow up with only one parent most of the time because my folks split when I was little. I think my mother did a damn good job with me, and especially with Carl. I should probably ask her how many years the two of us took off her life. Probably too many to count. She's a hospital nurse as it is, I don't think I'll ever know how she managed to do that for ten hours a day and still find time for us at night. Maybe it's just one of those things you do when you're a mom. You don't think about it, you just do it. That I can understand. That's what they call love. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round. Love, I mean. I try my best to be grateful to my mother, to show her how much I appreciate everything she did for me. I think we forget to honor our parents like that. We've got Hallmark holidays in May and June. But is that really enough? I'm not saying we need to put our lives on hold to go kowtow to our parents, but. . .when was the last time you did something nice for anyone in your family that didn't have something to do with a birthday or holiday? Have you ever brought your mother flowers just because you've been thinking about her? Or sat and talked with your father about life? Or how about a big one. . .talking intimately with your brother or sister. I'm no saint. Carl and I never got along all that well. We tolerated each other's presence. But we never really had much in common other than DNA. Even now, when I get a phone call from him, it's usually to make sure I'm still on for Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatnot. Somewhere along the line, we started living separate lives, and that makes me sad. I look around at how my family life has evolved, how we've all grown apart, and I worry that it's starting to give me a fear of intimacy. Is this how things are supposed to be? If Darren and I get married, is that what will happen with us? Will we grow apart until we're just passing like two ships in the night, happening to live in the same house? I don't want that kind of relationship with anyone. I wonder if it's still possible to reconnect with my family. Maybe it just isn't possible to get that kind of relationship back with my brother. God, saying this makes me feel so old, but is youth really wasted on the young? All those years we spent yelling at each other to get out of our respective rooms. What was it all for? Weren't we supposed to understand each other better? We are both the progeny of the same parents. You would think that makes us special, like we should really get each other. Then again, if you've ever met Carl, you'd probably believe that he's beyond getting. I never really expected to miss the little booger. That'll teach me.
"Tired of lying in the sunshine; staying home to watch the rain
And you are young and life is long; and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find; ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run; you missed the starting gun
Every year is getting shorter; never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught; or half a page of scribbled lines"
--Pink Floyd, "Time"
Isn't it ironic that a band from my mother's generation said it best? Procrastination isn't going to get you anywhere. Take it from someone who knows. You have to stand up to yourself, to your laziness or lethargy. It's easy to put things off until the next day, or the day after that. Don't do that with your family, your friends, the people you love. Because one day, you might wake up to find that person has moved on, or worse, passed away. It happened to a good friend of mine, and one day, I have no doubt it will happen to me. So I beg you to take this one to heart. Maybe I've been a little serious today. I usually don't like to get too heavy. But when I have something to say, I say it. Even if I know not everyone will listen. At least I can say I tried. Try not to think me too preachy. Ok, if anyone needs me, I'll be in my den, looking through photo albums and drinking herbal tea.