Made of Fail
Parte DEUX!
KR
"Hey! This is Kyûketsuki Kuro Tsukiakari, Cracktastic! hostess and friend to Tanuki Tarantu!" Kuro grinned. Unlike last time, she was on a stage painted completely baby blue with a big red neon sign that hung on the wall saying 'Cracktastic!' There was an armchair and a loveseat on the stage facing each other on an angle so they also faced the audience.
"As you can see, we got enough reviews in our last chapters to increase our budget to upgrade to this stage, with a live studio audience," she said. "That's you guys; give yourself a round of applause!" The audience cheered loudly, and Kuro laughed. "We also were able to upgrade to make this an actual show, so it'll be longer than last time, with bigger laughs!
"Okay, we have our special guest here today to answer our lovely reviewers; everyone, please welcome my best friend, Tanuki Tarantu!" The audience cheered as Tarantu ran onstage and plopped on the loveseat. Kuro seated herself in the armchair so that she was leaning on one armrest and had her legs slung over the other.
"So, Tarantu, before we begin, tell us about yourself." Tarantu smiled and played with a strand of her dark brown coloured hair. "Well, I'm Tanuki Tarantu, I'm fifteen, and I love DC Comics!"
"What does your name mean?"
"A Tanuki is a shape-shifting creature from Japanese folklore, and Tarantu translates roughly into 'orchid in a distant rice field'."
"So basically, your surname means that you're a beautiful flower in a proverbial rice field of common people? Like, the rice is the common people and you're the orchid and you need to travel far and look through lots of people to get to you, but it's worth it?" There was a long silence as Tarantu stared at Kuro.
"I guess?"
Kuro grinned and hugged a fuzzy stuffed bear to her chest as she went over the reviews. "Look at this, 'Ran! We got _ more reviews, all of which you need to answer!"
Tarantu sweatdropped. "First one is from Aya-chan, who commented on the fifth chapter. Here goes:"
It's a pity you only got three reviews after four chapters. This story deserves so much more. It's extremely interesting.
Don't be discouraged about the lack of reviews. Instead, believe that this sentence is true: This story is currently really awesome!
If you think that what I've written above is weird, I apologize. That is simply proof of the fact that my brain works differently when I lack sleep.
I think that the grammar police will have no need for a revision of this review. I usually check if what I write is presentable.
I hope you are happy with this long review. You deserve it.
Kuro grinned. "Well, your grammar and spelling is impeccable, I have to say that. You get an A+. There's no need for a Grammar Police invasion. 'Ran is here to answer your review; 'Ran, what do you say?"
Tarantu smiled. "Well, Aya-chan, I wanna thank you. We appreciate your understanding of our addiction to reviews, and don't worry; we're not discouraged. We're gonna make use of our talent and we're gonna freaking fuck up Konoha!" She jumped to her feet and stood on the couch. "I am very happy with the long review, and I can promise we will continue to work our hardest!"
She then calmly sat down once more and looked over at Kuro, who was laughing. The audience simply sweatdropped. What the fuck was this girl on?
Composing herself, Kuro turned to Tarantu. "'Ran, you ready for the next review? Because here it comes; it's from XXXninjayoaifreakxxx:"
OMG! This is the first time I an A in grammar! The cookie was quite yummy! ^^
Kuro grinned. "You deserved the A you got before, and you deserve the A you get now. 'Ran, what do you want to say to Yoaifreak-san?"
Tarantu thought a moment before grinning. "Wait, the failcookie? Those were baked with Crack. You see, there's so much Crack in the air wherever we go that it infects other things. I'm surprised you haven't overdosed." She laughed. "Well, I'm glad you liked it anyway. We appreciate the review, of course, and blah, blah, blah, you know the drill."
The audience cheered at this, and once they quieted down, Kuro spoke again.
"The next review is from Neoko-chan."
Thank you for the cookie!
oh! Please don't beat up Kakashi too much... or he will not be able to babysit Neoko in my story. Well, he will still be able to babysit just not that good. By the way Kakashi is it true you are going out with Gai? Lots of people say you are...
The audience was silent, and after a moment a loud booming voice echoed through the room. "Yosh! My Rival! The Burning Flames of Youth Burn Brightly in you! Let us go to My House for a Night of Youthful Romping!"
"OH, HELL NO!" Kakashi ran out of the room, Gai chasing after him with hearts in his eyes, blowing kisses. Kuro stood up angrily. "Thanks for letting me finish! It goes on to say:"
JUST KIDDING!
Any who... keep up the great work. and thank you Romi-chan for doing the chapters of Arisa for me!
Ja Ne,
Neoko-chan
The audience laughed in relief as Kuro turned to Naruto and who was standing by in a suit and sunglasses with a radio transmitter in his left ear. "Naru, make sure Gai doesn't kill Kakashi, would you?" He looked over at her and nodded, walking out silently. The audience then sweatdropped. Okay, seeing a six-year-old being a bodyguard was kind of…
Kuro grinned and thanked him before turning back to the review. "Well, Neoko-chan, the Grammar police need to invade on this."
Grammar Police
Grammar Corrections Officer
"Your review has many grammatical errors, Neoko-chan. For instance, right here:"
oh! Please don't
"The 'oh!' should be capitalized, so it would then read:"
Oh! Please don't
"Next is:"
much... or he will not be able
"There should not be a space between the '…' and the 'or', since it is a complete thought and therefore a sentence. When there's a '…' and the part after is a part of the sentence, then there should not be a space in between them. If they are two sentences, then they are simply fragmentations and don't count as sentences anyway, and you should've at least capitalized the 'or'."
much...or he will not be able
Tsukiakari smiled at her work. "See there? It runs much more smoothly now. The next error you made is another common error, but illegal nonetheless:"
will still be able to babysit just not that good.
"You see, there are two more commonly-made errors here; there should be a comma (or semicolon, your choice) added after the word 'babysit', and 'good' should be exchanged with 'well'. See:"
will still be able to babysit, just not that well.
will still be able to babysit; just not that well.
"See? Next, however, is a sentence that you can transform in many ways:"
By the way Kakashi is it true you
"You can change it into:"
By the way: Kakashi, is it true you
By the way, Kakashi, is it true you
By the way, Kakashi: is it true you
"And they'd still all be correct!" Tsuki sighed dramatically. "Isn't grammar so much fun?" Turning to the next sentence, she nodded. "You made the same mistake here with the '…', as well:"
who... keep up the great work. and thank you
"And there's also the trouble with the sentence changing. It can go two ways, though, so take your pick:"
who...keep up the great work. And thank you
who...keep up the great work; and thank you
"The next illegal maneuver you tried to slip past was this one:"
thank you Romi-chan for doing
"You almost made it, my friend. This slips past the best of us, but there should be a comma there, like:"
thank you, Romi-chan, for doing
"Or:"
thank you Romi-chan, for doing
"The rest of the grammar is good, but you did make a spelling error: 'babysit'. I was shocked to find out it wasn't a word, but apparently it's hyphenated, so it reads 'baby-sit'. The English language is freaky; but here's the fixed review:"
Thank you for the cookie!
Oh! Please don't beat up Kakashi too much...or he will not be able to baby-sit Neoko in my story. Well, he will still be able to baby-sit; just not that well. By the way, Kakashi: is it true you are going out with Gai? Lots of people say you are...
JUST KIDDING!
Anywho...keep up the great work, and thank you, Romi-chan, for doing the chapters of Arisa for me!
Ja Ne,
Neoko-chan
Kuro took a long drink of water as the audience hesitantly clapped. "Your original gets a D+, but hey, we all make mistakes. 'Ran, do you have anything to say to this review?"
"Yeah; as I said before, Crack-cookie, and we won't beat him up too much. And we'll keep up the good work, no worries." Kuro nodded seriously. Suddenly, the doors opened and Naruto was seen dragging in Gai, who was hog-tied with an apple stuck in his mouth. Kuro grinned. "Thanks, Naru! Just leave him there; I'll get him after the show. Is Kakashi okay?"
Naruto simply nodded, and the girls in the audience swooned. Oh, the strong and silent type…he's so hot!
"Good. Now, we have eleven more reviews to get through, so here we go." Kuro went through the reviews and looked at the next one. "Well, the next one is from yukina13:"
so funny :D
Kuro blinked. "Well, there's really no punctuation unless you count the smiley face, and I don't count things like that. All you really need to do is change it to a full sentence and capitalize it:"
It's so funny! :D
"Your original gets a B-." Tarantu nodded and spoke. "Thanks for the review!" she said happily. "We strive to be funny, but not crack-ish. Well, we're crack-ish during Cracktastic!, but that's about it." Kuro smiled at her friend. She was glad that Tarantu had decided to do this. The olive-skinned girl really was sweet and spastic.
Shaking the thought from her head, she turned to the next reviewer. "Next up is mayumi mizuki." She paused, her brow furrowing. "Mayumi mizuki… Mayumi mizuki… Mayumi… Tarantu, has she reviewed before? She sounds familiar…"
"No, she didn't review before, but she did add you on Story Alert or Author Alert or something, and you checked out her profile." There was a pause. "Have you been stalking me?" Tarantu looked around nervously. "Umm…no?"
"Okay!" Kuro chirped happily before turning back to the review.
i love it hilarious:)!
Kuro then twitched. "The Grammar Police better be paid overtime for this," she muttered darkly. She then stood up on the chair. "I cannot stress this enough! Capitalize! Capitalize your sentences! Punctuation! Use it! Please! Run-ons! Don't use them! Holy Moses!" she exclaimed before collapsing.
"The review needs to be capitalized. That, and use a semicolon or something. And put the smiley face after the exclamation point. It'll look more like this:"
I love it; hilarious! :)
"Your original gets a C. Oh, and look, you reviewed twice in a row."
rofl! im lteraly rolling on the floor laghing at craktastic! the rest is wonderfull! it has me either bueried in the plotline, or loling! awsome!
Kuro twitched once more. "Your spelling sucks balls. I give up on you." She tossed the review to Tarantu, who didn't hesitate to catch it and respond. "Well, thanks for your support! We'll take it to heart!" she said enthusiastically. She then looked to Kuro, who was sitting in the Emo Corner, before sweatdropping. "Well, I guess I'll have to play Grammar Police for now," she said to no one in particular.
"Because I'm lazy, I'm just going to copy and paste it onto Word so that Spell Check can do the rest." She randomly took a computer out of her back pocket and began to speak to herself.
"Copy…paste…Spell Check…add to dictionary…done! Here's the finished review:"
ROFL! I'm literally rolling on the floor laughing at Cracktastic! The rest is wonderful! It has me either buried in the plotline, or loling! Awesome!
Tarantu grinned proudly at herself. She was a big girl now! She did it all by herself. BEAT THAT, MOTHERFUCKERS! She giggled to herself before throwing a kunai at Kuro's head.
Kuro obviously dodged it before laughing nervously at the audience and sitting back in her seat. "Next review is from someone called !" she said, hoping to take some attention off her Emo Moment.
Person, keep writing please. I 3 the story so far. It's is going on Story Alert.
Kuro beamed. "Thank you!" she said. All you really need is to add a comma after 'keep writing' and it'll be great. You get an A. Tarantu?"
"Thank you for your review! Good reviews with good grammar keep Kuro out of the Emo Corner!" Kuro growled at her friend before smiling. "I'm trying to get through these reviews quickly, so the next one is coming up right now. It's from CuttlefishShiz:"
i love it^^ i cant wait til next ch keep up the great work
Kuro twitched once more before calming herself. "You know, I've got to stop being such a bitch about grammar. I should be happy I'm getting reviews at all, right?" She smiled. "Well, school is here for a reason, huh? I'll still give you grades, but bitching about your grammar and spelling isn't really what I'm here for. You get a B-. Tarantu?"
"Thanks for reviewing! I think Romi-chan is going to start setting up a set date for the chappies to go up. I'm kind of liking Saturday as the update date. As soon as the date goes up, we'll tell you."
Kuro grinned widely and moved on to the next review. "This one is from dreamingofmagic:"
I am here to review! *clears throat* I love your story and honestly I cant find anything wrong with it, I just hope that the romance will be starting soon. So please update soon!
An even wider grin spread across Kuro's features. "You get an A+ on your review!" she said happily. "There's just a single punctuation problem, but that's minor. Tarantu?"
"Yes! Um…the romance won't be starting that soon… I mean, Kuro is only fifteen, and I'm only seventeen…so… I mean, the age of consent in Japan is only thirteen, but we're waiting a while. But, well, Iruka is twenty, so a three-year difference isn't too big. I think Romi-chan has something figured out. And we'll update soon! No worries!"
Kuro looked slightly curious as to Tarantu's line of thinking but shrugged it off. She'd deal with it later.
"The next review is from Element5cw:"
It's good :) Keep going!
"You get an A+! You too, have a minor punctuation problem, but that was easily solved by putting a smiley face in between the two sentences. Tarantu – what are your words of wisdom?"
"We'll keep going! Thanks for the review!"
"Next review is from kaaayyytteee:"
you're a mad good writer!
onto the next chapter i go! :D
"You get a B+," Kuro said happily. "All you really need to put in is some capitalization, and I'll accept the rest." Inside, Kuro quivered with joy. All these reviews were making her simply burst with happiness!
Tarantu thought for a moment before shrugging. "Thanks for the review!" she said merrily. "We like making people happy!" She then turned to Kuro, her brown eyes shining happily. "Ne, ne, Kuro, are there any more reviews?"
"Yep; kaaayyytteee reviewed again:"
awwh!
so sweet!
(: great chapter!
Tarantu grinned. "Thanks for your review!" she said happily. "I liked the chapter, too!"
"Yep; there are three more. This next one's from Silver-Serval:"
Well, major mistake: Chaptyer 3 is actually chapter 2. :/ Fix it. too much information is missing, and it ticks me off. *Rawr-face.*
Second, I don't exactly like self-inssert fics... But this is interesting so I'm willing to suspend my usual dislike and continue reading. :]
Good job. I'm eagerly awaiting more (which, all things considered, is a rarity; be extremely proud).
- Silver
Kuro nodded happily. "Thank you so much for your review – Romi had re-uploaded the chapters, and I guess she messed up. So, she went back and redid it. Personally, I really thank your for your review. When there's a story I really like, I tend to point out everything that can trip up the reader or writer – not because I hate a story, but because I don't want to see it fail. Therefore, Romi and I are really, really happy. You get an A+, too – your mistakes are obviously typos, and I don't care about those, especially when I've been given such a great review! But this isn't self-insert."
Tarantu grinned and nodded. "I agree. Thanks so much for your review, Silver-san!" After a pause, Kuro went back to sorting through her reviews. "Next up is MinaLovesMusic with her very contemplative review:"
You know, you're changing the entirety of the storyline? Kuro and Tarantu are doing something very great for Naruto, but think of the repercussions of their actions in the future:
-By helping him with all of his classes, this brings his grades up. When he graduates from the academy, Iruka places him on a team with Sakura and Sasuke because he has the worst grades in the class, whereas they have the best.
-By helping him with his jutsus, when it comes time for graduation, he will most likely pass the test with ease. This means that Mizuki won't be able to trick him into stealing the Forbidden Scroll, and he'll never learn the Kage Bunshin no jutsu that is his main jutsu throughout the entire series.
-Even if you manage to manipulate Kuro and Tarantu's impact on the story so that it still follows the general storyline, then it still shouldn't be possible/allowed for the two to go on Naruto's mission to the Land of the Waves with Tazuna. This is where Naruto is determined to surpass Sasuke because of the two Mist-nin that they encounter during their mission. If his training with Kuro and Tarantu continues, then he will more than likely have long-since surpassed Sasuke by the time the story reaches that point.
It really is looking great so far, but you just have to think about Kuro and Tarantu's impact on the future, because they're changing so much.
Kuro nodded. "Romi-chan has all this under control, so don't worry. Before writing the story, she went through most of the possible roadblocks and found ways around them. So, no worries! And you get an A+ as well. If you need any more convincing that we love your review, check my rambling after Silver-san's review."
"Yep!" Tarantu said happily. "We've all got it strapped down to an examination table, so no stresses! Thanks for your review! Oh, and she reviewed again!"
So, I'm a huge facebook-whore. The reason I deem this little nugget of information as relevant is because of this:
On facebook, you can "like" or "become a fan" of certain statuses and other things, like: "Ignoring Drama Queens & Other Attention-Seeking People" and "That's What She Said" (*The second one is my personal favorite!)
Now, every time I read one of your chapters... I instinctively head towards the bottom of the page, looking for a little blue button that either says "like" or "become a fan". XD
Very long, drawn out, and wordy, I know. But I just felt the need to completely explain so that I might be able to get my point across. XD
Kuro sweatdropped. "I hate Facebook," she muttered. "No offence. Still, thanks for the review! You get an A+! It's very flattering!"
Tarantu nodded. "I hate Facebook, too," she agreed. "But heck! I know a lot of cool people who use it, so it's not all that bad."
"She reviewed again."
M'kay, so...
I review because I care. I would tell you how much I love this story, but I think I have already expressed that notion to you...
So... review, please? (*Puppy dog eyes*)
Kuro nodded. "I'll get Romi-chan to review to your stories, no worries. We'll review." Tarantu pouted. "No~! She discovered our greatest weakness! Puppy-dog eyes!"
"Shut up, 'Ran. I have another review from someone named godricismine12:"
lol love it update again soon!
Kuro sweatdropped. "I'm not even gonna ask about your username," she muttered. "'Ran?"
"Yes! Thank you! We will update! Thank you for reviewing!"
Kuro yawned and continued to look through her reviews. "Wow," she said, "we got a lot of reviews this time around, didn't we, 'Ran? Personally, I'm glad as fuck. We got another new reviewer named hypnotic flames; he/she/it has an awesome profile picture, too. It's very colorful and pops out."
your story is really good...keep up the good work...i love the girls they are so funny!
Tarantu got to the review first this time. "Thank you for loving us~!" she said happily. Kuro nodded. "We'll definitely keep up the good work, believe us. Romi-chan is really getting into it, too."
Kuro got to her last reviews and grinned. "Look, 'Ran! It's another review from CuttlefishShiz!"
I love it^^
Kuro smiled happily. "And we love you, our darling little Cuttle…Cuddle…Cuddlefish! Oh, that's kind of cute! You're a Cuddlefish! And you get an A+!" Tarantu burst into laughter. "I hope you didn't scare Cuddlefish off."
"Me, too."
"And here's another from CuttlefishShiz!"
i loved it cant wait til next ch^^
Kuro paused. "You fail," she said simply. "But we still love you."
"I agree."
"You get a D. Sorry."
"Darn."
"Ooh, you reviewed again!"
Aw I loved the ending and I love rabbits but my mom and dad won't let me have another even though there so cute
Kuro grinned. "Yup! Romi-chan actually has a bunny, too: he's a horny, perverted, rabbit who's into bestiality."
"Eww…"
"Cuddlefish reviewed again."
i loved it ^^
"And we love you!"
"You're freaking me out here, 'Ran."
"Sorry…not."
"Now, we have another part of the program we were able to add, called Kunai Toss. I need a young, fearless man and some other random person." Many audience members' hands were quickly raised in excitement. "You…and you."
Anko and a random civilian walked up to the stage. Kuro looked up at them. "Great, thank you so much for volunteering; can you tell us your names?"
"Mitarashi Anko!"
"Taira Komito."
"Komito-san, please go backstage; we'll be ready for you in a moment. Naruto!" The young blond appeared next to her and escorted Komito off.
"Anko-san," Kuro said, turning back to the buxom woman, "do you like sharp objects?" Anko grinned and nodded vigorously. The brunette grinned. "Good, because in this exercise, you need to throw kunai at the target."
"What's the target?"
"Komito will be on a spinning wheel. You will be blindfolded. Anything on the wheel that's not him is acceptable." She then turned to the door. "Naruto, you can bring Komito-san in, now."
Naruto opened the door and rolled a large round target onto the stage – Komito was tied to it tightly and was also squirming violently, with sweat rolling down his body in waves.
Anko grinned and took a kunai out of nowhere to throw at Komito. Kuro tied Anko's Konoha hitai-ate around her eyes so that she couldn't see. Almost immediately, Naruto spun the wheel and Anko began to rapidly throw kunai at the man on the wheel. With every toss, Komito screamed in fear.
Thok
Thok thok
THUNK
"Anko-san, try not to destroy the stage please."
"Sorry!"
Thok
Thok thok
Thok thok thokthokthokthok
Chink
"A-Anko-san! Please put down the katana!"
Shlup
Spurt
"Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. I am so sorry."
"MY ARM! MY ARM! OH, HOLY SHIT WHERE THE HELL IS MY ARM!"
The cameras all turned away or fell as the camera crew ran to help Komito. Kuro picked one up with a pained look on her face. "Okay, so…we'll see you next time on Cracktastic! Sorry, we'll have to cut short due to…minor injuries."
"YOU CALL THIS MINOR?"
"Fuck you! Okay, goodbye everyone, and tune in next time!"