Disclaimer: May Robert Service forgive me the purloining of his poem, for those that have read it not, I recommend giving 'The Cremation of Sam McGee' a look. As for the owners of Tin Man…I am sure they are used to my making merry with their creations by now.
Author's Note: Yes, indeed, I do still exist. In fact, I almost sort of maybe have the next chapter of APL ready to go…or not, still waiting on final verdict. In the meantime, this has been sitting on my iPad for ages. I consider it to be an in-Gulchverse composition by our favorite Othersider's secretary with literary aspirations. Good old Geoffrey – yes, I do realize he is now officially Named.
PS Sorry if the formatting is a bit awkward - I'd almost forgotten what a pain the site could be sometimes in that regard.
...
There are odd things done 'neath the twin gold suns
By the man who guards the throne;
The palace halls hold within their walls
Feats so bad beyond the bone;
The Royal Lights have seen strange sights,
But the strangest they ever did see
'twas after the storm that brought forth his form,
The man known as Ol' Gulchy.
...
Now Ol' Gulchy was from Kansas, see, he was thrown 'cross the rainbow.
How he left his home and was hither blown t'Outer Zone, Deeg only knows.
He was oft' bemused, but the throne refused seemed to hold him in her spell;
Yet he'd often say in his Otherside way "sonuva bi-tty batty bell!"
...
On that fateful day he was locked away lest the council he upset.
And no more bars! It's known near and far of the fight he did beget.
It's spoke in hushed tones, of words still unknown that took him beyond fury;
It wasn't Seen then, but 'twas warning men of the might of Ol' Gulchy.
...
And so came the night, with Gulch out of sight, the guards caught unawares,
By the vengeful dread, that ran ahead o' the mob upon the stairs,
For years of war, and blood and sore, souls driven beyond duress;
Without respite and in their plight swore to kill the Sor-cer-ess.
...
Well, Ol' Gulchy was a simple man he, who could look clear beyond her past,
The princess she lived in misery, and to his anchor clung ever fast.
As a child high jacked, as adult attacked, ever to shoulder the blame;
Some called her a whore, but that honest cop swore to protect her all the same.
...
Now a desperate need is a thing to heed, ignore it at your own cost,
When echoed the cry that the witch must die in balance for all those lost.
So beyond the wall, blood spilt in the hall, fury leaves a gruesome wake,
Of shattered vows left, their honour bereft, all for fallen loved ones' sake.
...
No mercy was told for comrades of old, overwhelmed, horror-driven,
A life they must take and all else forsake, despite sacred promise given;
For every man there, and the women share, vows in blood and breath sworn fast,
To the Realm hold true, darkness to eschew, and to fight until the last.
...
And every blade drawn forth in this raid was the mark of an oath forsworn;
But sanity lost knows not to count cost in the depths of the grief they had borne,
So onwards they went, though their friends they spent, in their quest to lay their ghosts.
And through doors they crashed, over obstacles dashed, and cut their way through the hosts.
...
Till one seized the throat of she they meant to smote, the knife posed to spell her doom,
The guards were too far, the mob a dread bar, for death had begun to loom.
The Tin Man he tried, but couldn't leave the side, of the one he'd sworn to protect;
And bullets enough, will slow e'en his tough, so that even his wrath was checked.
...
Now a hopeless plight is a worthwhile fight, and the cop has his own stern code.
At the sounds of hell, he'd sprung from his cell, with a face of wrath did bode.
He drew forth his gun, set off in a run, his breath giving forth the alarm,
Ahead guns did howl, he let forth a growl, his grip tightened on his side arm.
...
He burst through the door, drew up at the gore, in his eyes a fearsome fire;
He spotted DG 'neath a pillar she, with her Tin Man's plight turned dire,
But his gaze passed on, for where the light shone, there glinted a deadly blade,
And so leapt higher that internal fire, for blood hounds of fury bayed.
...
Snapped the gun ready, with hands so steady, and a mob caught unawares,
By the unknown might, behind the gun sight, levelled hard at the one who dares,
For that Ol' Gulchy, was a quiet one he, mayhap about those you've been warned,
Then the gun let fly its own fierce cry, more baleful than a woman scorned.
...
It wasn't hard then to turn back the men that threatened all he held dear;
The Tin Man rose, too, joined the fight anew his wrath ever one to fear,
And the thundering sound, from all around, proved the guards lay not idly by,
Then back up arrived, fell vengeance deprived, and the battle began to die.
...
And now came the calm, like a gentle balm, and it settled upon them all;
'Cept a laugh broke out and danced all about, and it shattered that mournful pall,
For glanced one and all, who'd answered the call, and now they could look to find,
It seems Ol' Gulchy, in great haste, you see, left his pants and all behind!
...
There are odd things done 'neath the twin gold suns
By the man who guards the throne;
The palace halls hold within their walls
Feats so bad beyond the bone;
The Royal Lights have seen strange sights,
But the strangest they ever did see
'twas after the storm that brought forth his form,
The man known as Ol' Gulchy.