Disclaimer

I do not own the characters in this story and I am not making any profit from it

Authors Note

Another new chapter, in which exciting things happen! Thanks for all the great reviews, please keep reading!

You Were Mine

Chapter 10

At about 10.30 they headed across the street to Monica and Chandler's apartment. Everyone else was already gathered there and they greeted Rachel as she entered. She could see that they were trying to be happy for the children's sakes, but Rachel could tell it was a forced jollity. No-one really felt like celebrating this year. Soon dinner was ready and everyone sat down to eat, but the empty space at the table was painfully obvious. Steve joined the friends again for the second year so there were still six adults, but it wasn't the same. Monica and Chandler sat next to each other as usual, as did Steve and Phoebe. Katy sat on Monica's other side. Next came Joey, then Rachel and Emma. The twins were asleep in their buggy. Joey could tell that Rachel was struggling to cope and gripped her hand under the table willing her to be strong. After what seemed an age, dinner was over. Chandler, Joey and Steve watched TV while Emma and Katy napped and Monica and Phoebe did the washing up. Rachel had gone out onto the balcony for some fresh air and the others let her go knowing that she needed some space. Joey watched her go and longed to comfort her, to hold her in his arms and tell her that everything would be okay. He got up and went outside,

"Rach, are you alright?"

"I don't know Joey, I guess, it's just I can't help thinking about last Christmas, about what this Christmas should have been like. No-one knows what to do or what to say. I know they're trying to avoid talking about Ross, and that they're trying to be happy, but its just not working is it?"

"Is there anything I can do to help? Do you want me to say anything to them?"

"No, I'll be alright, is Emma okay?"

"Yeah, she's still sleeping. You wanna come inside now?"

"Yeah okay."

Together Rachel and Joey went back inside and everyone looked up as they entered. The girls had finished washing up by now and everyone was seated around the coffee table. Phoebe and Monica moved up the sofa so Rachel could sit down. She faced her friends and gave them a brave if watery smile.

"I wanna talk to you guys, I wanna thank you for everything you've done for me over the last few months, you gave me the strength to survive when I felt like my world was falling apart, I know its been hard for you guys as well, but we've got through it together. The thing is I know that you don't want to upset me or anything, but I would like it if we could talk about Ross; remember the good times you know. Just 'cos he's gone doesn't mean we should forget him and not talk about him. We have to go forward, get on with our lives, but hold Ross's memory in our hearts. I know none of us will ever forget."

She ended her speech and looked round to see what everyone's reactions would be. Monica hugged her fiercely and then said, "Rach, none of us will ever forget Ross, and you're right it's been hard for us too, but we do need to get on with our lives like you said, so I think we should drink a toast to the future, to new beginnings."

"To new beginnings," everyone chanted, knowing that somewhere up there Ross was smiling down on them; they all knew he wouldn't want them to be unhappy.

They spent the rest of the day chatting and reminiscing about old times, Steve enjoyed hearing all the stories they had not yet told him and later when the children woke up they played games and opened the rest of their presents. At about 8.00 Rachel decided it was time to go home, the children were worn out with the day's excitements and by the time they were safely in bed and asleep it would be time for her to go to bed as well. She gathered all their things together and put the sleepy twins in the buggy. Joey offered to walk across with her and he picked up Emma and she sat on his shoulders giggling happily. They crossed the street in silence and entered the apartment where Rachel quickly undressed and bathed the twins while Joey entertained Emma. They were soon asleep in their cots and then it was Emma's turn for bed. She soon fell asleep and Joey made coffee for both of them. They sat down on the sofa and Rachel yawned widely, it had been a long day.

"Do you want me to go now?" Joey asked

"No, its fine, please stay, I need some company."

"Okay, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Nothing really, it's just nice to have someone here."

"I know, I miss you living with me, it's kinda lonely sometimes," he admitted.

"I miss you too Joe, its kinda hard to have a proper conversation with a toddler and two babies," she joked.

"Today was hard huh?" asked Joey after a while.

"Yeah, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be," acknowledged Rachel with a small smile, "I'm glad you were there, it would have been difficult without you."

"Rach, you know I'll always be there for you don't you?" asked Joey, "Anything you want or need, just ask me. I promise."

"There is one thing you could do," ventured Rachel slowly, not sure if she was doing the right thing but deciding to do it anyway.
"What?"

"Well, you could kiss me,"

"Rach, are you sure?" he asked startled.

"I'm sure, I need you," she admitted to him and to herself.

They leaned in towards each other and their lips touched lightly, Rachel gasped as her feelings got the better of her and they kissed more passionately. Joey slid his arms gently around her and she lay back leaning against his strong warm body, they broke apart momentarily before resuming with a hunger and want that neither had ever felt before. Joey truly felt that this was the most wonderful moment of his life and though he had often imagined kissing Rachel he would never have expected this. In turn Rachel felt a need satisfied, she realised that deep in her heart she loved Joey although she still missed Ross. When they finally broke apart, breathless and amazed they looked at each other wonderingly, seeing each other in a whole new light. Then inevitably they leaned in again and this time Rachel relaxed completely in Joey's arms. His lips were warm and soft on hers, his arms strong and capable as he held her close. Her body seemed to fit snugly in with his and for first time in a long time she felt complete, safe, comforted. Eventually they broke apart, both breathing heavily.

"Wow," breathed Rachel with a sigh.

"Are you okay Rach?" asked Joey a little worriedly, "I think we got a little carried away."

"I'm fine," she assured him, "I'm more than fine, I, thank you Joe."

"Hey glad to be of service," he joked, "Um, does this mean…"

"Yeah maybe," she answered, "But we have to take it slowly, I'm not ready for too much yet. I still need time."

"I know, I understand," he assured her quietly.

"Thanks Joe, you're the best, we could kiss again though if you want," she said mischievously. They kissed again and breaking apart Rachel realised something overwhelming, "Joe," she whispered, "I love you."

"Rach, its wonderful to hear you say that," replied Joey with a smile, "You know I love you too."

That night Rachel and Joey entered new ground with their relationship and though Rachel had thought it would be weird and difficult she was wrong. In Joey's arms she felt safe and loved and secure. She wanted that feeling to continue and knew that as long as she was with Joey it would.

While Joey and Rachel were across the road taking their relationship to new levels, the friends left at Monica and Chandler's apartment began to be suspicious about what was going on between the two. "Don't you think Joey and Rachel have been spending an awful lot of time together lately?" questioned Phoebe, "I mean I know they're good friends but they never used to be together so much."

"Maybe it's because they're the only two single ones among us now. Maybe they're lonely, I'm sure Rachel is still getting used to being on her own. It can't be easy for her to see us together," said Chandler

"Do you think it could be something more than that?" asked Steve, "I mean I know I haven't known you guys all that long but I kinda got the idea that Joey liked Rachel. I never said anything before 'cos she was married to Ross, but its just the way he looks at her sometimes, like he wants to look after her and protect her you know?"

"No, it can't be," cried Monica, "Ross has only been gone a few months, surely she hasn't moved on already. I mean she loved Ross so much, she can't just forget him like that."

"I'm sure she hasn't forgotten him, but maybe she just needs some comfort and love, she's not used to being on her own. Maybe Joey is like a substitute for Ross." said Phoebe

"But how could Joey do that, I mean doesn't he realise how vulnerable she is at the moment? He wouldn't just jump into Ross's shoes like that would he?" asked Monica.

"If there's anything going on, they'll tell us when they're good and ready, there's no point getting all worked up about it when we don't even know if there's really anything going on," said Chandler reasonably. "There could be a perfectly innocent explanation for it."

"Yeah, I guess, but I can't help thinking maybe Steve's right," grumbled Monica.

"Well what if he is, maybe Joey makes Rachel happy, maybe they want to be together, surely you wouldn't deny Rachel that happiness after all she's been through lately," said Phoebe.

"Yeah, but its so soon, he's only been gone a few months, I just think its wrong," said Monica angrily, "In fact I'm gonna go over there now and see what's going on."

"No, you're not, just leave them to it, besides, if Rachel can't have Ross, there's nothing wrong with her being comforted and protected by Joey. I mean she's got three young children, and I know we do all we can to help her out but it's not the same as having someone there with you all the time. I don't know if you've noticed but every time we see her lately she looks absolutely shattered, I bet the twins aren't letting her get much sleep and I'm sure she's not eating properly either, did you see the way she wolfed down her dinner. She was starving and she's getting thinner. She spends all her time and energy on those children and there's none left for herself. If Joey and she want to have a relationship I think it's a good thing. Rachel will have someone to look after her and support her and that's just what she needs right now. Just be supportive Monica, they're not doing anything wrong and you know that Joey would never take advantage of her like that," argued Phoebe fiercely.

"Yeah I suppose, but I don't know, I guess it's just weird."

"Well I think you might have to get used to it Mon, they seem very close to me," said Steve, "Come on Pheebs, we'd better be going now. Thanks for a great time you guys, see you soon."

"Yeah bye, I'll call you tomorrow," said Phoebe, "And Mon, don't say anything to Joey and Rachel will you?"

"Of course I won't. See you later. Bye."

After Steve and Phoebe had left and Monica and Chandler were left alone to muse over the whole Joey and Rachel question. Monica still wasn't sure about it but she wanted her friends to be happy so she accepted the possibility that they could be together although she still found it a little weird.

Joey did not return to his apartment until the following morning. Eventually Rachel had fallen asleep in his arms on the sofa and he had carefully picked her up and carried her through to her bedroom where he laid her on the bed and covered her with her blankets. Then he collected a spare blanket from the cupboard in the bathroom and lay down to sleep on the sofa. Rachel had woken at around two in the morning and seeing him sleeping on the sofa had gently roused him and led him into her bedroom. They both lay down on the bed cuddled together and Rachel slept better than she had for months with Joey's warm comforting body next to her. After he had gone Rachel got the children up and gave them breakfast all the while thinking about what had happened the night before. Joey had shown her just how loving and tender he could be and she had realised that she really did love him, however she was a little scared by her feelings. It worried her that she could so willingly and completely fall in love with another man so soon after Ross's death and though she knew Ross would not mind her having a relationship with Joey she still felt guilty about it. She wondered what the others reactions would be when they told them. They had agreed to keep it a secret for now, because Rachel was still scared of taking the relationship any further and didn't want the others to find out in case they were upset about it. She imagined that Monica might not take the news too well considering Ross was her brother.

Rachel had invited the gang to spend New Year's Eve at her apartment that year. She had thought when she asked them that it would be a good way to start getting on with her life, if they could celebrate in the home that she and Ross had shared, that was another step forward. At about 4.30 on New Year's Eve Joey turned up at the apartment to help Rachel prepare for the evening. Together they made snacks and set out drinks. Joey hung some sparkly lights to make the place seem more festive and they dressed the children in their best clothes to welcome in the New Year. When everything was ready Rachel flopped down on the sofa as Emma played in the corner and Joey sat down beside her. She reached over to pick up Jake from the carrycot and passed him to Joey. She then picked up Sam and held him tightly against her. He snuffled into her chest and she rocked him gently. Joey held Jake high in the air and pretended to throw him, he gurgled and squealed and Rachel smiled as she watched her son and Joey enjoying themselves.

"Ross used to do that with Emma you know, he would hold her high up and pretend to throw her up and she would squeal and giggle. Then when she was a bit older he would sit her on his shoulders and she would put her hands over his eyes and he pretended he couldn't see where he was going. Then he'd sit down on the bed and let her go and she'd fall into my arms and we'd all have a big hug."

"Aww Rach, you still miss him don't you? You know its fine to talk about it, I don't mind."

"Yeah Joey thanks, I do miss him, but it doesn't mean I love you any less. It's just different you know. Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, course you can, you can ask me anything Rach."

"Well the thing is, I feel kinda guilty about us, you know like I'm betraying Ross and I know its silly, but I just wondered if you kinda felt the same way."

"Look Rach, it's perfectly understandable that you feel guilty, I guess I felt the same way after Carrie died, whenever I went out with anyone else it was like I was cheating on her but I realised that I couldn't carry on feeling guilty for the rest of my life."

"I guess you're right, but there's something else as well, I'm scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I'm scared that you'll leave me, I'm scared to love you too much, I'm scared to love anyone too much. What if something happened to you, or the kids or any of the others? I couldn't cope Joey."

"Listen Rach you know that I would never intentionally leave you. I love you. You gotta understand that just 'cos you love someone it doesn't mean they're gonna get taken away from you. I know it's hard to build up trust again but you gotta do it else it's not worth it."

"Okay, yeah, but I loved Ross so much and then he was gone and it hurt so badly 'cos I loved him so much. So you see if I don't let myself love anyone too much then I can't get hurt again can I? I guess that's what I'm really scared of, getting hurt."

"Everyone's scared of getting hurt Rach, but it's a chance you gotta take. If you're gonna get on with your life you gotta learn to love and trust again."

"I know, you're right Joe, but it's hard."

"I know, but you'll get there. Come on cheer up the others will be here soon."

Rachel quickly got changed and laid the now sleeping babies in their cots before returning to the living room. Monica and Chandler had just arrived and Katy and Emma were greeting each other rapturously even though they had only seen each other the day before. Soon Phoebe and Steve arrived as well and the party started. They all sat around on the sofa and the big armchair and chatted about the children, their jobs and anything else that they could think of, anything except the events of the past year. Phoebe and Steve reported that they had been approved to adopt a child and that they might even have a baby by the end of February. They were going to be given a list to choose from and they would visit with the child several times before they were allowed to take him or her home. The time passed quickly and before they knew it it was nearly midnight. As the chimes boomed out over the television welcoming in the New Year everyone hugged and kissed. Chandler and Monica kissed passionately looking forward to another wonderful year together with their daughter and Chandler hoped for another child though he hadn't broached the subject with Monica yet. Phoebe and Steve hugged and kissed as well. Phoebe couldn't wait until they were able to adopt their child and both were looking forward to the New Year with all the challenges it would hold. While they thought the others were busy kissing Joey and Rachel sneaked a surreptitious kiss holding each other close, giving each other strength for the difficulties they would face in the year ahead. They didn't notice the gasps of amazement and horror from their friends until they broke apart.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Ross has been gone less than a year and already you're messing around with someone else. Rachel Geller I'm ashamed of you. I thought you loved Ross," yelled Monica angrily.

"What, Monica of course I loved Ross, I still love Ross, but I need someone. I can't be by myself forever. Joey has been there for me all the way, like you all have, we help each other. Why can't you just be happy? I know it's a little soon for another relationship and I feel guilty about it, like I'm betraying Ross, but I know he'd want me to be happy. Joey makes me happy okay?" shouted back Rachel, "Did you think I was gonna stay alone forever. I mean its okay for you to be happy with someone, but not me, is that what you're saying?"

"No of course not, of course I want you to be happy, but Rach he's only been gone a few months, its just weird," said Monica a little more quietly.

"I know its weird, its weird for me too, but Joey loves me and I love him okay?"

"What, you love him?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

"And he loves you?" asked Chandler a little shocked at this very public declaration.

"Yes I love her," replied Joey, "I wouldn't just be messing around with her. I hope you can all accept that."

"I think its wonderful," said Phoebe quickly, "I'd just like to say that I'm happy for you, I know what its like to be alone, and I know that everyone needs someone to lean on sometimes and you shouldn't feel guilty about Ross, I think he'd be happy for you as well."

"I agree," said Chandler quickly

"So do I," put in Steve.

"What about you Monica?" questioned Joey, "You know that I would never take advantage of Rachel, I would never do anything to hurt her. I know it's soon after Ross, we both worried about that, but we're taking it slowly. It'll be okay, I promise."

"Well I suppose it's alright, and I do want you to be happy Rach, we all do, it's just weird okay?"

"I know, it's weird for me sometimes too Mon, but I have to move forward with my life. However much I loved Ross I can't continue living in the past, Joey is the way forward for me and for the children. I have to think of them as well. I don't want to be a single mom struggling to support her kids."

"What do you think about all this Joe?" asked Monica.

"I'm willing to look after Rach and the kids. We just got closer after Ross died and when she was living with me I was able to help out a lot, you know. I promise I would never do anything to hurt her. I love her and I think we make each other happy."

"Look Mon," continued Rach, "I'll never forget Ross, none of us will, but I'm with Joey now so you'll just have to accept it okay? I still miss Ross, of course I do, but Joe makes it easier to cope. Surely you understand?"

"Yeah Rach, I guess you're right, I'm sorry, it was just a bit of a shock you know. But I'm happy for you really I am. Happy new year everyone, here's to good times ahead and to absent friends."

Everyone repeated Monica's toast and the New Year began with everyone determined to put the sorrow of the past year behind them.