The Adventures of Urameshi Aiji

by Iron Dragon Maiden

Harry is Alyssa, in other words: a girl. Contains Yaoi and Yuri in later chapters. After being abandoned in Japan by the Dursleys, Alyssa becomes Aiji and Yusuke's sister. Now that the demon tournament is over, Hogwarts and old Voldy should be easy

10. So much for complication free business

Wow! Has it been that long? (Looks out for the pitchforks) Hehe... well, the good news is I'm baaaaack! Finally graduated with honors and an original novella under my belt. So, I'm sure some of you have been expecting me to post something in June... and all I can say is that I took an impromptu vacation to the Canaary Islands to visit my big sis. BEST SIS EVER! No really, it was great and it helped me relax after this hectic school year. Besides, it's been a while since I've seen her.

So. Since I feel extremely guilty, I decided to give you guys a long chapter in return for your patience.

AIJI: 'Bout damned time.

YUUSUKE: Yeah, she's been too busy with that Lysandra chick to worry about us.

Um, mates? You know that I love you all equally and that unlike you two, Lysandra had a deadline?

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Aiji hated sitting still with nothing to do. To make it worse, nosy students were coming around to bug her right before she had to take a nice, sixteen-hour long plane ride back home. Parkinson had already come by for the typical shounen-style rival spiel about watching her back, yadda, yadda, yadda… and received a fist to the face for her efforts, Bulstrode too for interfering. Although, granted, Aiji and the rest did feel bad for Davis. Lugging around the ickle princess and knight was not fun at all.

Malfoy just said a very succinct "watch yourself, Urameshi!" and rushed from the compartment before any of the girls opened their mouths.

Coward.

Morag, Blaise, and Theodore had been by to wish them a happy holiday and then went back to their own compartment. Plotting world domination, no doubt, according to Aiji. "It's always the quiet ones," she grumbled.

It wasn't ten minutes into the train ride before Aiji caved in and started doing push-ups and sit-ups. Anything to get rid of the excess energy.

"Ai?" Lythiel asked from her position near the window, cross-legged with a Standard Book of Spells Grade 1 on her lap, "What are you doing?"

"You might wanna move 'round while you can," Aiji said, "Trust me, you'll thank yourself once you're on the plane."

Lythiel glanced dubiously at Sally-Anne, who was immersed in Little People, Big Plans by Ragnok the Pigeon-toed.

"My plane ride's barely three-hours long," Sally-Anne said without looking up, "Most of those lost hours are wasted just getting by the check-points and waiting at shoddy terminals."

"But still," Daphne said, "It's sixteen hours worth of… flying. She can do some homework or read something or watch that TB thingy."

"TV," Aiji and Sally-Anne corrected automatically.

"Whatever," Daphne said.

"If Ly can find some way of doing something other than reading up there, then she's a super-human," Aiji said.

Sally-Anne nodded, "My body does a full system shut-down after a few minutes."

Lythiel looked at Aiji, then her eyes came back to the high-lighted text in front of her, a silent debate going on in her mind.

"Oh come on, Ly," Daphne rolled her eyes, "you've already done half the holidays' work. You can not do anything for a couple of days, y'know."

"You can use that to put you to sleep," Aiji said, "It'll help ya with jetlag."

"I rather like getting straight Os in theory, thanks," Lythiel said, "And I'm about two thirds done, actually."

It was true. She'd already finished the Astronomy, History of Magic, Potions, Herbology, and Defense Against the Dark Arts papers the first week they received said homework. Her sick leave, plus the girls unanimously (although grudgingly on Aiji's part) deciding to lie low until the Headmaster got over his losing the mirror snit, had given her ample time to get ahead on her work and studying.

"Case and point," Sally-Anne said, "I've only done the Potions, the Herbology, and the Astronomy papers and you don't see me working myself into a tizzy."

"Only," Aiji and Daphne snorted.

"And coincidentally," Lythiel said, "You've left the subjects you're best at for last."

"Less troublesome and less break-ruining that way."

Aiji and Daphne gazed at each other.

"Leave it for last?" Aiji asked.

"Yep," Daphne nodded.

The compartment door opened once again and Hermione Granger's bushy head poked in, "Oh! There you are."

"Yo honya-chan."

"Hey Granger."

"Yo."

"Granger."

Hermione's eyes widened at the picture before her, Aiji's spread body held up in a tight push-up was covering the small patch ground in the compartment. Daphne, Lythiel, and Sally-Anne held their legs up on the seats with books, candy, crumpled empty plastic sandwich wrappers, and their bags between them.

"What on earth—" Hermione started, "What are you doing?"

"What?" Aiji said, "If you think I'm gonna sit still when I've got a sixteen hour flight waiting for me, then you've just passed the genius o' meter and gone on to the insane part."

Surprising the girls, Hermione had a pinched expression of what could be sympathy on her face. Or she could have just smelled something horrible. "Oh, no wonder," Hermione said, "So it's true that Japan and some other countries have blocked international magical transportation ever since the last war here?"

"Would we be taking a plane if it wasn't?" Aiji deadpanned.

"Ouch," she winced.

"Is it that bad?" Lythiel asked with trepidation. 'What have I gotten myself into?'

"Never flew anywhere for more than ten hours' worth," Hermione said, "But it still doesn't stop it from being an uncomfortable ride."

"Told you," Aiji said. Sally-Anne used the right side of her lips to mouth the same as Aiji while her left side remained placid.

"So it wasn't just Aiji being restless," Daphne mused with a teasing smile.

"Hey!" Aiji swiped at her and did a bouncing push-up to keep her balance.

"Ignore the kiddies, Granger," Sally-Anne smirked, "They're just excited about going home—"

Sally-Anne's head was caught in Aiji's playful headlock. "You're a kiddie yourself, bishoujo-chaaaaaan!"

Sally-Anne mock growled and poked at Aiji's ticklish side, inciting a tickle war that Daphne soon joined.

Lythiel glanced at Hermione with mock irritation, "So, was there anything you wanted to tell us before their inner savage-children came out?"

Hermione had an odd look in her eyes, something almost akin to envy, before she shook herself and said, "No, just wanted to wish you all a happy break and an early merry Christmas. And to thank you all again, for, you know…"

That stopped the tickle-fest long enough for Aiji to say: "Well, if you're still hung up on that—"

Lythiel clasped her hand over Aiji's mouth, "You're not allowed to bribe people into doing your homework."

Sally-Anne and Daphne snickered at Aiji's attempt at the puppy-dog eyes. They never worked on Lythiel.

"No," Lythiel said, "How else are you going to learn, huh?"

Aiji shook her head free, "Yare, yare… All kidding aside, honya-chan, no biggie."

"Right," Hermione said, a smile breaking through her face despite her best efforts, "See you after break," she waved and left amidst a chorus of farewells.

Sally-Anne turned to Lythiel and Aiji, "D'you two still have it?"

'It' being the miniaturized Mirror of Erised.

"Oh come on, don't you trust me?" Aiji said, "Don't answer that."

"I've got it," Lythiel said while she put away Adalbert Waffling's Magical Theory into her bag, "Don't worry."

"Sempai put it in a warded box," Aiji said, "That way even the metal detectors won't react to the magic. His words, not mine."

"Not just a pretty face with a few scrolls, is he?" Daphne said.

"Have we decided which museums…" Sally-Anne lingered, not willing to speak plainly just in case someone was listening in.

"The Avalon sounds promising," Lythiel said, "And they're very generous to anyone who… unearths lost or strange magical objects. The same goes for the British Museum of Sorcery."

"Yeah, but what we need to find is one that won't ask too many questions," Aiji said. "I still think we should look outside of the UK, maybe in France or Germany… who knows, they might pay more for the BAM."

BAM was the acronym Aiji had chosen when ME felt too obvious. "You can't get more self-explanatory than Big Ass Mirror," she'd said.

"No matter where we go, someone will ask questions," Lythiel said.

"Even if it means not getting a leg-up on the competition?" Aiji said.

"If all else fails, we could always go to someone non-legit," Daphne jokingly said.

"Not a bad idea," Sally-Anne said, "We can charge extra for paranoia."

"I was being sarcastic," Daphne said.

A polite knock interrupted their little spat.

"Come in," Daphne said with a syrupy sweet "I'm an innocent ickle angel" tone of voice.

"If that doesn't scream I'm up to something," Lythiel murmured as Kazutoshi opened the compartment door with a grin.

"And how are my favorite little charges," he grinned, "Up to no good as usual?"

"Like you have any place to talk, Mr. Enabler," Sally-Anne said.

"True, true, that does make me an accomplice," he said, "And like any good accomplice, I should hope that I'll be in on the plans for a certain mirror?"

"Yeah, you can start by telling 'em that we need a buyer outside of Britain," Aiji said.

"And Sally over here has lost her mind and thinks we should use non-legit corners," Lythiel thrusted her thumb at Sally-Anne.

"Well," he drawled, "I checked with my old man's advisors and I found us a buyer."

"You did!" the girls cried, "When?"

"Just a few days ago," he said, "Don't worry, this fella's legit, somewhat—"

"What do you mean somewhat?" Lythiel bellowed.

"I mean that this person's a bit on the loose side of the law," he said, "Urameshi-kun is already familiar with this person… even acquired a little something from them."

"I did?" Aiji had a proverbial question mark above her head.

"Mhm," he said, "This person is human and you bought an artifact."

"I did that all of September, baka," she said.

"If you can't figure it out…" he trailed off.

"This is our justly acquired mirror and money we're talking about here," Sally-Anne cut in, "Stop bollocking around and tell us."

"Tell you what," he grinned, "If Urameshi-kun can figure it out before we get to the station, I'll give you these."

Out of nowhere, Kazutoshi took out four sandwiches. But these weren't like the sandwiches they'd bought from the kindly old witch from the train trolley. Those were nothing but grocer-bought sliced bread with cheese, ham, lettuce, tuna, or other things stacked in the middle. Filling but nothing special. The sandwiches in Kazutoshi's hands were foot long baguettes visible from the plastic tube wrappings on them, fresh smelling too. One of them had ham, lettuce, butter, and brie. Another had chorizo, mozzarella, and tomatoes. Another had tuna, mayonnaise, corn, and lettuce. The last one had chicken, teriyaki sauce, provolone cheese, onions, and butter. Sally-Anne, Daphne, Lythiel, and Aiji's favorites, respectively.

Mouth watering at the sight, Aiji just had to ask, "Where did you get those?"

"The Three Broomsticks," he said, "Madam Rosmerta is very accommodating. She even looked up how to properly cook teriyaki sauce when I placed the order last week."

That they could believe. The only way that Aiji got to eat any Japanese food was if Slinky cooked it. None of the other house-elves or shops in Hogsmeade served anything Japanese. Everything at Hogsmeade was provincial, so all the food, aside from the sweetshop Honeydukes, was typically Wizarding Scottish. Not that Aiji had any complains, the food was great, she just craved a little mochi every once in a while. That and Slinky made one mean Osaka-style okonomiyaki.

"I don't see why you need to make a wager," Sally-Anne said, "You already paid for them and they are our favorites, so that indicates that you'll give them to us either way."

"Chorizo, mozzarella, tomatoes, baguette," Daphne left for food la-la-land.

"Well… I do have a sixteen hour flight like our two ladies," he mused, "And plane food is just appalling…"

"It's that creepy Tendo-baba from the wand shop isn't she?" Aiji said, "I knew there was something off about her, she kept going on and on about how I'd do great and maybe terrible things and kick ass and take names—"

"As creepy as Tendo-sensei can be," Kazutoshi grinned in sympathy, "That's not her."

"Tetsu-hoppeta from the bank!" Aiji said.

"Nope," he laughed, "I told you, this person's human."

"I know! It's Hanatsubo-san from the greenhouse—"

Sally-Anne tuned her out and petted her snowy white owl in sympathy, "Yeah, I know, Hedwig. Love her but I wish I had a gag sometimes."

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Sirius cursed as he almost spilled some of Yukina's miso soup on his shirt. He was nervous, his shaking hands and inability to stay still were testament to that. But who could blame him? His goddaughter was coming home, with a friend, a pureblood friend at that, and she didn't know that he was here and innocent.

Yuusuke had reassured him that Aiji would not mind and listen to the story calmly and rationally, "after a few knocks to the head." Sirius wasn't too sure if he was joking or not.

"Is there something wrong with it, Black-san?" Yukina asked, ready to prepare something else for him at the first peep of dislike. Yukina, Keiko, and Botan had all been mothering him back to health ever since he got to Genkai's temple.

Sirius could admit to himself, he had been a skeletal and dirty mess months ago, but he was better now. His former depressingly long hair had been cut short to his nape, a sign that he was much happier. His beard and mustache were long gone. His nails were trimmed and no-longer weak and breaking at the slightest pressure. He was clean and took showers regularly. He could now only count four ribs every time he saw himself bare-chested. He could take long walks without feeling weak at the middle or running on adrenalin to reach the finish. Hell, he was getting close to eating solid foods. If that was not reason enough to celebrate, he didn't know what was.

Learning Japanese had been a godsend really. Even if he relied on a magical ring that translated everything he heard and said, he still had to crack down the books and learn under Kurama and Genkai-baba's stern eyes.

It was a much more soothing act than he had expected. He hadn't been forced to sit down and learn something in so long, even the restless need to move from the butt-numbing chair was a welcome. In retrospect, it wasn't much of a surprise. Sirius had been a student for around fourteen years of his life: home-schooled, educated at Hogwarts, he even had to sit at some classes for Auror training.

He'd been a prisoner for ten years, almost eleven. The familiar act of sitting down, listening to lectures and reading from too dry books was an effective distraction.

When that didn't work, there was always his first love. Pranks. Unfortunately for him, Yuusuke, Genkai, Michiko, Kurama, and Hiei had no problem pranking him back without mercy.

"No, it's perfect," he smiled, "Just nervous I guess."

"About Aiji-chan?" she returned the smile with a warm one of her own, "I understand. If I knew I was going to meet my brother within a few days, I… I don't know how I would react, either."

Sirius grunted but kept his piece. He did not know the full history between Hiei and Yukina, but the lad had kept little Alyssa safe and would've continued on if Dumbledore hadn't upped security at Hogwarts. Bloody old paranoid codger. He had the greatest of timings, he had.

The point was Hiei was a good lad. A bit of a violent sociopath, but a good lad nonetheless. Which is more than can be said about Bella, or Cissa, or Lucy, or almost anyone in Sirius' family.

"Well, at least it's soup, so I won't be throwing up chunks," he barked a laugh.

"Don't worry, Aiji-chan's one of the nicest girls I've ever met," Yukina said, "She's a violent maniac, yes, but a great girl."

"I believe that," at this point, Sirius couldn't be arsed to be shocked. Azkaban did a good job at desensitizing him, almost to the point that he was now socially awkward. Luckily, present company was full of socially awkward, but generally well-meaning individuals. "So, she's a mini Yuusuke?"

"That would be an apt way to describe her," Kurama chuckled as he entered the room.

Sirius grimaced at the vile concoction in the fox's hand. "Now, Sirius, you know you have to take it."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he grumbled in a way that was reminiscent of the Urameshi siblings. Fitting into the family already.

Kurama and Yukina traded smirks, "Well, if you're not interested in eating solid foods, I suppose that means more ramen and soba for us."

That got Sirius to chug down the stomach enabler and wash it down with the rest of the miso soup while taking his daily vitamins. As much as Sirius hated drinking potions of any kind, including those of the non-wizarding variety, he also knew that they were necessary for his health. Just like he knew that, as tedious as it was to take pills everyday, his body had a lot of vitamins and minerals to make up for his time in Azkaban.

"Yo!" Yuusuke bellowed, "Fox-boy, Snow-girl, Pochi! If you guys don't get your asses down here in five minutes, I'm eating all the tanuki soba and shio ramen!"

"So long as he leaves the kitsune soba alone," Kurama said.

Sirius stumbled to his feet and ran to the living room. Yuusuke was going to eat everything on the table unless if he was stopped. And who better to stop him than the dashing Marauder?

Yukina smiled. It was good to see Sirius clowning around with Yuusuke despite the language barrier. It was one of the few times he wasn't depressed or nervous. She just hoped that Aiji-chan's presence would be able to help him.

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As much as Aiji was trying to be shocked, which wasn't much, she felt like hitting herself for not yelling out Matsuyama Setsuko's name first.

Well, okay, Setsuko was more of a seller, bounty hunter, and con-artist, so Aiji didn't think that she'd be willing to fork over huge amounts of money for the BAM, but still, the fanboy glint in Kazutoshi's eyes should've clued her in. He only dreamed every night of becoming her valued apprentice and being as good an apparition hunter as her. She suspected that the only reason he didn't drink a sex change potion to become more like Setsuko was because he liked his bits too much. Regardless, he was narcissistic enough that he was certain he would be a goddess incarnate if he did turn into a woman.

Aiji shrugged and devoured half of her baguette sandwich in record time, saving the last bit for later. Daphne was wiping off the crumbs on her face and tossing her empty plastic sandwich bag and other garbage in the compartment rubbish. Months of rooming with Lythiel had given her something resembling responsible and hygienic habits. Sally-Anne was keeping the whole baguette for her flight and Lythiel was following the sensible brunette's approach.

"I'll ring you a few days after we arrive, yeah?" Kazutoshi told Aiji, "Give us a chance to sleep off the jetlag before making any big decisions."

"Hedwig can send any messages to Daphne," Sally-Anne said, "Just phone me in France."

Kazutoshi would be the one to call Sally-Anne. He was the only one that could foot the expensive bill. As much as owls were cheaper, they were a bit on the obvious side after a while. And really, Sally-Anne was much too young for anyone with a sensible mind to assume that Kazutoshi was courting her.

Using owls would be like painting a big red target on the group with neon lights above them saying 'we're up to something very, very devious and possibly illegal.'

It wasn't seconds after they all nodded in agreement that the whistle signaled that they'd arrive at King's Cross. Daphne was pressed against the window glass, eyes scanning for her mummies and sister. Sally-Anne tried to remain unaffected but she too was searching for her father in the large crowd.

"Isn't anyone picking you up?" Lythiel asked.

"Yuusuke-nii and 'ka-san wanted to," Aiji said, "But the price for two way tickets plus one-day lodgings is waaaay too expensive and tiring. Makes more sense if I get a one-way to Japan and meet up with the folks at the airport."

Kazutoshi nodded with a sympathetic grimace.

The train doors opened and a sea of tweens and teens stampeded out the doors, luggage in tow, reaching for their parents and freedom from the institution known as school.

Daphne let out a garbled squeal and disappeared to the mob, clear destination in mind as her inner sister radar began beeping.

"Ri-Ri!" she shrieked, grabbed her sister and spun her around in the air.

"Daff, put me down!" Asteria laughed nonetheless.

"Didja miss me, sweetie," Daphne crooned, "I know I missed you!"

"Is she talking to her sister or her pet?" Aiji asked.

Lythiel shrugged with a smile.

"Hey Lythiel," Asteria waved to her sister's best friend.

"Long time no see," Lythiel smiled.

"You remember Sally-Anne from the Samhain parties?" Daphne said.

"The sane Greengrass, right?" Sally-Anne smirked.

"The bookie, right?" Asteria said.

They both snorted in amusement.

"And this," Daphne said, "Is our resident violent, gender-confused maniac—"

"Alyssa Potter!" Asteria's eyes widened, getting a starstruck shine when they landed on Aiji's uncovered scar.

"Yep," Aiji drawled.

Asteria poked at Aiji's stomach with the lack of self-consciousness of a small child. The firm muscles caused her finger to bounce. "Thought you'd be taller."

"You'n me both, mate."

"Is it true that you threw Millicent Bulstrode across the room?" Asteria kept the starry gaze fixed on her idol.

"Which time?"

"That was true?" Asteria slowly grinned, "I thought that was just Daphne exaggerating her new friend's coolness. Especially since I admire you a lot and she wouldn't want to disappoint me."

Sally-Anne whistled, "Pretty perceptive for a nine-year-old."

"Or Daff's too predictable," Aiji said.

"A little of both I think," Lythiel said. "Hey!" Daphne pouted.

"Listen kiddo," Aiji said, "I'd love to give a demonstration, but I kinda like not going to juvie. Savvy?"

"Fut, not fair," Asteria turned to Daphne, "How come you get to see all the cool stuff?"

"In two years' time, you'll get to watch all the free entertainment you want," Daphne said, "Bulstrode and Parkinson are like two really stupid trained monkeys that don't even know they're dancing to the organ."

"Stop insulting the monkeys, they never did anything to you," Zoë Greengrass said as soon as she got near her daughter. She was a blonde haired woman with a mauve headband that had a rose of the same color near her ear. It should've looked childish on her, but it gave her an air sophistication that complimented her azure robe and dress.

"Right, sorry mum," Daphne blushed after giving her two mums a bear hug Greengrass style, "These are Sally-Anne and Aiji."

"Finally," Antianara Greengrass said, "I get to meet the child who finally stood up to the royal jarheads."

The families near them shuddered as an unholy alliance between Greengrass family and Aiji Urameshi was born.

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Lythiel decided that she hated airplanes. She hated the narrow passageways with the uncomfortable gray chairs lined up methodically at the sides and the middle. She hated the stench of bad coffee and badly cooked packaged food that permeated the air. She hated sleeping upright and needing to maneuver with Aiji to sleep somewhat comfortably at her side with Aiji's face near her feet. She hated the groggy feeling in her limbs after she tried to stand up. She hated feeling tired even though she'd almost slept the whole ride.

In short, she abhorred planes.

Aiji grunted in sympathetic hatred as they trudged through immigration. Aiji had to wait for Lythiel to pass, since as a visitor, the line was longer and the service seemed to be slower. It didn't help that as it was holiday time, there were a bit too many tourists who'd decided it'd be nice to spend the hols in Japan.

As much as Aiji was sure the service sector of her country appreciated the patronage, right now all she wanted was to go home, hug her family, and sleep on the nearest fluffy surface. And if anyone ever accused her of thinking like a softie, she'd tear their heads off their shoulders.

They stopped by a store and bought some takoyaki. They hadn't been able to stomach anything while on the plane, the sandwiches Kazutoshi had given them had long since been devoured before the plane took off.

Despite everything, Aiji perked up little by little as they neared the exit. They'd lost Kazutoshi since he'd flown first class, the lucky bastard. He'd taken them to the airport by cab, insisting that he would feel like the lowest of cads if he let two eleven-year-olds unfamiliar with London get there on their own by bus or tube, and had kept them company until it was time to board.

He'd called Aiji and told her that he'd met with his father and had asked if they wanted to find him until they found Aiji's family. They'd declined, but thanked him for the help and promised to call later.

"I can't believe he's had to do this for years," Lythiel said.

"We were in economy, Ly," Aiji said, "Trust me, there's a difference."

After a long journey to the exit and maneuvering around the mob, the girls were groggily making their way to the airport terminal. Lythiel took a break to drink the last bit of Pepper Up Potion in her last flask. She didn't know how Aiji was mostly functional and awake, but whatever she did Lythiel wanted to know. The last thing she wanted to do was make a bad impression on her friend's family by falling asleep without so much as a by your leave.

Aiji grabbed Lythiel's wrist to avoid getting lost in the sea of people and scanned the area for her brother. She couldn't rely on scent, though she knew his better than her own, since the mixed personal odors of the flyers along with sickness, vomit, plane food, stale coffee, terminal stands, cigarette smoke, and tiredness almost knocked her out like the first time she came to London. Closing her eyes, she expanded her reiki to seek Yuusuke's familiar, ferocious, and warm aura.

Her eyes snapped open and she began rushing to her brother. She caught sight of his gelled back hair and messy white tee and jeans ensemble and broke into a smile.

"Yuusuke-nii!"

"Aiji-chan!"

… And the moment was ruined when Yuusuke caught Aiji in a headlock and gave her a noogie despite her bodily protests.

Come on, did anyone really expect a Hallmark moment with those two?

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Had Lythiel been awake, she would have been appalled at herself for falling asleep not even ten minutes after entering the muggle transportation called a "subway." She'd managed to remain awake for the exuberant introduction to Aiji's infamous big brother and the 60-minute kaisoku (rapid train, she translated to herself) ride to Tokyo Station. Alright, so maybe she dozed off with her eyes open a bit for that… but no one noticed so she wasn't being rude to her hosts!

As it was, the 8 hour difference between Japan and the UK was throwing her body off course on top of the tiresome trip. She didn't even pay attention to where Yuusuke lead them in the metro station; she just blindly followed his lead, thankful that he was strong enough to carry both girls' luggages, and dreamed of a nice warm vertical surface to sleep in. The rumbling moving vehicle created pleasant reverberations to the battered girls' bodies, rocking them to a blissful sleep.

Most of the passengers weren't familiar with the deadly punk Urameshi from Sarayashiki high. Or if they were, they knew him by name and reputation. Some of the older women even smiled and cooed at the cute picture of the protective big brother letting his sister and her blonde (foreign?) friend use him as a pillow. No way was this sweet boy-man the terrifying hellspawn that made it a hobby to brutalize gangs that pissed him off.

And that was why a certain extortionist all of a sudden got a nice big smirk on his face when he saw the puppy-dog-eyed teenager with his kid sisters.

'Target locked,' Mikage the extortionist thought to himself. 'Foreigners are always the best suckers.'

He hefted up a superficially expensive looking vase, although to a careful eye the vase was barely worth the pottery and the paint used to create it. It was barely held together from all the times it's been broken and reconstructed.

It was the perfect tool for an extortionist because of its fragility. All Mikage had to do was scrape it against a wall and it would break apart. Add a panicked, gullible, tired, generally good-willed victim and Mikage got away with more money than he knows what to do with.

Yuusuke noticed the way that too well-dressed man was eyeing him. The suit didn't hide the fact that the man didn't step a foot near an office or a gallery. Yuusuke growled, annoyed that some idiot was attempting to ruin Aiji's return home. He took a quick glance at the next stop and decided to change trains.

If the moron decided to push his luck, Yuusuke would just have to finish the confrontation.

Aiji groaned and grumbled when she realized they weren't even close to home. Lythiel didn't even have the energy to glare, she just followed the Urameshi siblings like a zombie puppy.

Mikage waited for the trio to leave from the underground train to a populated street, but they just waited for the next train. His eyes narrowed when he noted that they were waiting for another local train. 'Are they onto me?' Mikage frowned. He smirked when he noted the morning rush of people coming to the train station. 'With enough people around, they'll have to compensate me.'

Mikage stomped over to Yuusuke and collided his shoulder with Yuusuke's. The vase fell on the dirty subway floor. Yuusuke didn't budge from his spot.

Mikage put on a practiced angered mask, "My vase! You—"

"Watch where you're walking, asshole!" Yuusuke bellowed while placing Aiji and Lythiel behind him, "Didn't you see me holding onto my kid sister and her friend? What if we'd been closer to the edge instead of the center of the platform, huh?"

A crowd began to form between them.

"You walked into me," Mikage tried to turn the conversation around, "My—"

"You're the one who bumped into nii-chan," Aiji growled, "Don't blame him for your own clumsiness. Next time, try to kill yourself instead of someone else."

Lythiel nervously picked up a piece of the broken vase that landed on her shoe, unsure how to proceed.

"He broke my vase," Mikage said, "My very expensive, one of a kind Imari vase! I demand compensation!"

Lythiel frowned at the piece she held in her hand. The breaking points felt odd, almost old. She surreptitiously picked up another fallen piece.

"It's called self-responsibility, teme," Aiji said, "if you didn't want your ugly vase broken you shouldn't have bumped into nii-chan and broken it, ahou!"

"For an important vase, its been broken and reset a little too often, don't you think," Lythiel said while holding the pieces together. They fit like a well-loved puzzle.

"Word of advice, yaro," Yuusuke said, "If you feel like extorting someone, don't do it at such a dangerous place, during rush hour, and at someone who knows he's being targeted."

Aiji grabbed Mikage by the collar and forced him down to her eye-level, "The security camera will show us standing still and you purposefully bumping into us."

"This is an obvious example of a badly executed crime," Lythiel said, "It's rather insulting to our intelligence."

Mikage felt a drop of cold sweat fall down his face. The crowd that didn't leave for their jobs accused him with their collective gaze. He was sure he heard someone calling for security.

Aiji and Yuusuke grinned at him, "So~"

"You thought you could pull a fast one on us," Aiji began.

"Too bad for you," Yuusuke continued, "our ka-san raised no merciful fools."

"What d'ya think, Yuu-chan?" Aiji said, "He almost killed us and he tried to steal our money. Think a kidney's enough compensation for our troubles?"

"He only needs one," Yuusuke said, "That's worth a college semester, at least."

Lythiel now understood why no one ever tried to pull a fast one on her friend.

~!#$^*&()_~!$^*()_~!#%&^(*_)~!#$%^*)_~!$^*)(_~!#$%&()_~!#$^

"NANDA YO!"

"Louder, Ai-chan," Yuusuke said, "I don't think the whole neighborhood heard you."

"Urame- I mean, Yuusuke-san," Lythiel sputtered, "How, I mean, the Ministry—" she stopped and actually thought about what she was about to say, "Nevermind, Fudge and Crouch were a part of the investigation."

"How does your government survive with those morons in charge?" Yuusuke asked.

"I ask myself that question everyday," Lythiel said.

"So, wait, let me get this straight," Aiji said, "Black Sirius is innocent, Pettigrew Peter is a rat, you busted in and out of Azkaban, and now the old hag is housing a convict?"

Yuusuke nodded while lazily smoking a cigarette.

"Dammit, how come you get all the fun cases!" Aiji threw a pillow at him.

"The privilege of being the eldest, Ai-chan~"

"With a matching numerical IQ."

"Like brother, like sister."

"Hey!"

"I get 20 percent profit on the mirror."

"What! I stole it fair and square!"

"And I'm the one paying for the apartment we're living in~"

A sober Atsuko turned to Lythiel, "I suggest you take a bed while they're distracted."

"'Ka-san~!" Aiji and Yuusuke pelted Atsuko with pillows.

"You snooze you lose, gaki!" Atsuko grinned, "It's only for one night."

Aiji grabbed Lythiel and ran for her shared bedroom with Yuusuke, "We get the beds!"

"Hey! Get back here," Yuusuke chased after them.

Lythiel laughed even as her tired body and overwhelmed mind protested against the too much energized movements.

'So, this is what a family feels like.'

~!#$%&(*)_~!#$&^(*_)~!#$&^(*_+~!#$^*)(_+~!#$^(*_)

Sirius wasn't sure what to expect from Aiji. A punch for abandoning her? A hug in a rare fond remembrance from infancy? Awkward silence? The third one seemed most likely.

What did you say to a godfather framed for killing your parents and sentenced to life while leaving you to the tender (snort) mercies of irredeemable cockroaches?

Aiji just took one good look at him and said in English, /Looking pretty spry for a prison escapee. Either Keiko-nee and the gang have been mothering you to death or the movies are not as glamed up as I thought./

Yuusuke laughed and waved off Sirius' inchoate stammering. Lythiel still hadn't quite recovered from the morning dash from the apartment and escaping the rent-demanding landlady. She had a feeling that her face was similar to Black's, looking like she'd been slapped silly by a plastic soda bottle.

Atsuko stole Sirius' Sapporo from his hand and drank the last gulp, "I prefer Kirin."

"And that was my beer!" Sirius grouched in his hard learned Japanese, "Bring your own!"

"As if my cheapskate boss would give me a discount," Atsuko said.

"Probably cause the bartender's not supposed to drink all the alcohol," Aiji said.

"It's only a sip or two," Atsuko playfully swatted Aiji.

"Just checking for poison, I know," Yuusuke said.

Lythiel awkwardly came up to Sirius and decided that an English introduction would be less complicated, /Pleasure to meet you Mister Black. I'm Lythiel Moon, Aiji's friend. Pleased to make your acquaintance./

Sirius looked at her hand as if he'd never seen such a strange custom but shook it, the tactile contact a shock to his mostly touch-deprived skin. /No need to be so formal, lass. You must be pretty special if Aiji's brought you here,/ Sirius smiled, /Besides, Mister Black is my father, may the insensitive bastard rest in a mop bucket./

/Not even giving him the dignity of burning in Hell?/ Kurama said as he came out of Genkai's temple to great the Urameshi family.

Sirius felt a twinge of envy when Aiji didn't hesitate to hug Kurama, Hiei, or Yukina. Even the barbs she traded with Genkai didn't stop the bitterness from welling up within him. 'So much lost time,' he thought. His chest lightened when she grinned at him and tugged both him and Lythiel inside the temple.

"C'mon, I smell food and baba won't leave us any if we let her," Aiji said.

It was good to be home.

~!#$^&(*)~!$^*)(_~!#%^*)~!#^*)(

Dumbledore lightly twirled the sweet Darjeeling tea in its delicate butterfly themed porcelain cup. It was funny how all of a sudden he was noticing all of these little insignificant details he never had the time to notice. Like how his beard would softly swish side to side as he walked. Perhaps he should invest in a thong or a band to keep it secured. Or maybe he should just leave it, the downy wisps were rather pleasant to the touch and it added a gentle and absentminded look to his character.

"So, Albus dearest," Perenelle Flamel said, "Are you certain everything is alright at Hogwarts?"

Her very famous husband just continued pottering about in the kitchen. The delicious smell of roast chicken with sherry sauce and onion slices sneaked into the living room and filled Albus and Perenelle's nostrils. Albus tried to shoo away the idea that Nicholas was threatening to roast him.

"Everything is as it should be, my dear," Albus twinkled his pretty blue eyes, "Not that I'm not happy to be here, but there was no need for a personal inspection of whatever you two think is wrong. Certainly, keeping the Black incident under wraps has been taxing, but it's nothing too serious… unless if you discount Cornelius panicking and Dolores pointing fingers away from him. And Rita, dear Rita Skeeter is a whole category on herself."

"For one, you're being blunt," Perenelle said, "Or as blunt as you will ever be. Second, there's been a sense of urgency in your letters since November. So why don't you stop insulting our intelligence and tell us what mosquito has bitten you so we can swat it to death already."

"As I said Perenelle, nothing is wrong," Albus said, "My sense of urgency merely stems from how young Alyssa is so different than expected."

"Probably for the best," Perenelle muttered, "To be perfectly honest, I was certain that you just had enough of Wizarding Britain and wanted to raise a Dark Lady to finish the job."

"Now, now, Perenelle, our world has its problems, I won't deny it, but it's not irredeemable yet."

"Then explain to me, slowly, why you thought it was a good idea to send the girl to magic-hating relatives?" Perenelle said, "That's the number one foolproof plan for creating muggle-haters you know."

"They were not my first choice," Albus said, "If it weren't for the protection they could have provided, I wouldn't even have considered them as guardians for any child."

"That bad?"

"I would have trusted the Malfoys with young Alyssa's care before I even contemplated letting the Dursleys look after her for a night," Albus admitted with a sigh.

"And despite your misgivings you still went through with it?" Perenelle shook her head, 'Maybe it's time to retire, old boy.'

"Perenelle, if it weren't for Maelle Vaval and her Abortionists, we'd still be fighting against the Pureblood Selected Marriage and Conception laws," Albus looked at her in the eye, "Obviously people can't be trusted to make their own decisions."

"Stop trying to save an ungrateful world," Perenelle said, "That's what idiots like Grindelwald and Riddle tried to do, misguided and insane as they were… or are in Riddle's case."

"Old habits are hard to break, my dear."

"Just like it's hard for you to be one hundred percent honest with anyone, even your closest friends," she said, "Now why don't you stop buggering about and tell us what happened. Your evasiveness is making me twitchy."

"Now, now, love," Nicholas said as he levitated the roast chicken to the living room, "No need to get nervous. It's not as though Albus has lost the stone."

Ora, ora, you came in late Stone Silence! We're already at nineteen pages into this chapter.

"YOU LOST THE STONE!"

"Perenelle, that isn't— put that down, don't!"

"Love, please watch out for the china."

~#$&^(*_)+!#$(*&_+~!#$%^*_)!~#$%(*_

Aiji took back any and all teasing remarks she made about Kazutoshi's obsession about all things Matsuyama Setsuko. She was pretty damn sure she was sporting a similar stupid cow face when she was presented to Tatsumiya Michiko, AKA Seme-uke Ume.

"EH! No fair, nii-chan! How come you get to work with Ume-sama and I don't?"

"The same reason you have magic and I don't. World's unfair," Yuusuke smirked.

"Cool older brothers aren't supposed to be petty," Aiji blew him a raspberry and lowered her lower eyelid with her middle finger.

"And you aren't?"

"Teme."

"Gaki."

"Ass face."

"Flat board."

"Fox molester!"

"Donkey's whore!"

Lythiel ignored the squabbling pair even as they were rolling around the ground pulling each other's cheeks. She was too busy being starry-eyed but denying it to everyone, "Yuusuke-kun modeled for you?"

Michiko smirked, "Puppy-eyes was a well of inspiration alright."

Sirius had only managed to read the first volume of Cat Boy Ayumu before passing out with a nosebleed. Hey, the man hasn't seen any action for a decade, give him a break!

"So that's where you've been getting the money!"

"We're not all lucky enough to have our rich long lost parents' inheritance drop on our laps!"

Michiko preened at the fighting. Sipping her sweet green tea, she began talking to herself as… wait, where did those peonies come from?

"Such a sad fate, to have all these beautiful men and women fighting over my art," she theatrically sipped from her tea, "Oh, but it brings me such joy to know that I have such a powerful impact on my loyal fans."

Lythiel all of a sudden had a vision of an older Daphne replacing Michiko.

Hiei curiously perused My Pirate Concubine volume 30. "Fox, I didn't know you were screwing the detective."

"I wish," Kurama muttered.

'Ditto,' Youko said.

"You could always trick him into a date," Sirius said, "That's what James did to Lily."

Kurama glared at him, "I do have my pride, Sirius. Give me some credit, that's Plan L."

Sirius and Hiei blinked, "Do you have a Plan Z?"

"Yes, Amortentia combined with Ran no Chichi."

Sirius turned to Hiei, "A love potion with a demonic aphrodisiac? Bit overkill don't you think?"

"Yuusuke is that dense," Hiei said.

Michiko smirked, "In fact, why don't foxy and puppy give us a demonstration for our next session?"

"Isn't it enough that you've been peeping at us in the baths?"

Genkai bopped Yuusuke's head, "Stop complaining and get to it, dimwit."

Yep, an unholy alliance between Genkai and Michiko had been formed. Why? Michiko lived for sex and yaoi. Genkai just wanted her idiot student to get with the program and shag the fox already. Even if he was a dimwit, he still deserved some measure of happiness.

If pimping the idiot to the nympho was what it took for the proverbial light bulb to flash, then she'd pimp the dimwit to the nympho.

"Yeah, nii-chan, think of it as holiday overtime," Aiji said.

"At least wipe the drool off your face, Ai-chan," Keiko left her gossiping with the girls to wipe Aiji's face with a handkerchief.

"I would be very interested in viewing the artistic process as well," Lythiel said. She was very proud that she'd refrained from squealing.

"At least Ly-chan's not drooling," Yuusuke said.

"Barely," Sirius laughed.

"Oh, Yuu-chan~" Atsuko gushed, "Wear this for 'ka-san."

She held, of all things, a man-thong, bitch boots, and a spiked collar.

"Bring in the money, nii-chan!"

"Et tu, Aiji!"

"Now, now, Yuusuke," Kurama purred, "It never hurts to take one for the team."

He nuzzled Yuusuke's ear and nosed down to Yuusuke's neck. Kurama sniffed the musky scent of his leader, inwardly purring at Yuusuke melting to the olfactory affection.

"Think of the extra cash," Kurama said, "The fresh smell of bills as they fan your face when you count them too fast."

No one was too sure if Yuusuke was a groaning mess because of greed or lust. Kurama's hands weren't stagnant, rubbing and caressing Yuusuke's sensitive mouth and his hard chest muscles over fabric.

Lythiel licked her lips and tasted blood. She swiped a hand over her upper lip and noted she'd experienced her first ever nosebleed.

Everyone but Hiei and Yukina had a nosebleed. And Kuwabara, but he didn't count since he'd escaped to the bathroom the second he saw the living room fill up with the lustful purple aura he associated with sex.

Aiji grinned at the furiously drawing Michiko. "Yeah, that's it onii-chan, just a little lower…" Michiko drooled.

"At least now there's some progress," Aiji whispered to Hiei.

"Aiji, your nosebleed," Hiei said.

"What? Even if it's with nii-chan, he's still Kurama the Seducer, with capital S."

"So you don't suffer from a brother-complex?" Lythiel said.

"You think so too?" Hiei asked.

"What, no I don't! I just want to be like nii-chan!"

"Sure, of course Aiji," Keiko smiled. She wasn't going to bother to mention how Aiji had terrorized some of the boys and girls she'd deemed unworthy of her brother. Those were minor details, after all.

"'Rama," Yuusuke grabbed Kurama's wandering hand and brushed his forehead with Kurama's. They were close, so close, all that was separating their lips were a few inches and…

RING! RING! RIIIIIIING!

The nearest person to the phone inched close and answered with all of the ingrained manners of a good Japanese citizen. That person was Aiji.

"SOMEONE BETTER BE DYING, TEME! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, CALLING AT A TIME LIKE THIS!"

While Kazutoshi was scratching his head, wondering what he did to warrant Aiji's wrath, Kiku the bribable ferry girl breathed a sigh of relief.

~!#$&)(_+~!#$*&_)+!#$%^(*_)

Matsuyama Setsuko struggled to keep her laughter from leaving her throat. Kiku hid behind her partner and cowered at her back any time someone from the Urameshi gang glared at her. She knew that it had been wrong of her to interrupt but come on! Her holiday in New Zealand was at stake!

Sadly, Setsuko did not sympathize so much with the holy mission (read: bribe) she'd been given.

Botan smiled, it was one of her rare fake smiles she often employed when she had seen something unforgivable happen and it was within her power to either rectify it or, better, garrote the idiot responsible for the mess. Kiku did not fancy being around her for the next soporific ferry debrief.

Kazutoshi, bless him, was the only one 100 percent oblivious to the murderous atmosphere. He didn't notice the way that Aiji's hands inched close to his neck, only to be slapped away by an equally incensed Keiko.

"Matsuyama Setsuko-sama," Kazutoshi gushed, hearts in his black eyes, "It's such an honor."

Setsuko smiled, "The honor's all mine, Shinmei-kun. I never thought I'd ever see the Mirror of Erised ever since the centaurs had their hissy fit."

There was something scarily refreshing about a person flippant enough to describe the centaurs' rather tumultuous discord with the English Ministry of Magic – a discord that caused the centaurs to withdraw themselves and their magical artifacts from human conflicts and daily life – as a simple "hissy fit."

"Yes, of course," Kazutoshi gushed like the fanboy that he was, "It's a remarkable piece of craftsmanship. The specific runes and the careful arithmancy behind the magic are unlike anything I've ever seen before, even while working under Koenma-sama, at that."

Setsuko nodded and hummed, looking at the mirror. It didn't reflect a sea-green haired woman in a metal plate bikini top and leather trousers with combat boots as most mirrors were wont to do. Setsuko's cheshire grin faltered for a second.

"Something the matter?" Kurama asked.

"There's something else in here," Setsuko said.

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Since when?" Yuusuke and Aiji sputtered.

Kiku tilted her head to the side and snorted when she found what Setsuko was looking at, "How could you miss that?"

"What?" Lythiel demanded, feeling rather affronted.

Setsuko grinned and reached into her trouser pocket. It was tight enough that no one could doubt that she was a woman, it was a wonder anything fit into the pockets.

Not five seconds later, Lythiel, Sirius, Kurama, Botan, Michiko, and Kazutoshi were gaping like fishes out of water. Even Genkai looked like she was going to gas everyone from shock.

"Dude," Yuusuke said, "How'd you fit that ruby in those pants?"

And of course, everyone that knew what "that ruby" was facevaulted.

Setsuko made a speedy recovery for someone not used to anything Urameshi, "It's not just a ruby, you dingbat! Can't you see that it's too dark a red to be a fucking ruby? I mean, it doesn't have chromium, so the stone's red color doesn't come from what is found in normal precious stones. And it's darker than pigeon blood-red rubies at that!"

"Um," Aiji said, "So it's not a ruby?"

Setsuko reacted as though she'd been insulted, "Of course it's not a ruby! Didn't I just explain it? Can't you bogtrodding bastards tell that this is a powerful magical artifact? Here, see, the magical lay lines on the top-most right are rust gold and intertwined with symbols of Pluto, or Hades if you prefer, and Cerberus. These form into an oval sort of circle that travels from the upper right to the lower left. Now the other lay lines—"

Aiji and Yuusuke didn't mean to tune her out, they really didn't. But when she started talking rune-lingo, she absolutely lost them. Whatever. Lythiel or ba-chan or Sirius could explain it to them.

Everyone was listening to Setsuko as though she had discovered the secrets of the universe. Even Hiei, who wore his "I'm puzzled by what you are saying but won't let you know and am trying to figure out what you are trying to convey" face, was paying close attention to each word out of the chain wielding woman.

"Say," Yuusuke said, "Can you put it in layman's terms?"

Lythiel went from scholarly salivating to glaring in a flash. Kazutoshi sighed, but conceded, "Yuusuke-san, Aiji-kun, that's the Philosopher's Stone."

"So?" the Urameshi sibling glanced at each other and shrugged. Who cared about a stone that philosophized? Although, if it started talking, they could make a living out of it—

"ITAI!" they clutched their heads in pain. Genkai readied her fist for another round, "Not that kind of stone, dimwits. It's a magical stone that can make the elixir of life."

"Elixir of life?" Yuusuke asked, "Like that potion that can make you immortal?"

Sirius nodded, "Not only that, but it supposedly can bring someone back to perfect health even if they were on the brink of death. Just as effective as unicorn blood, only without the consequences."

Setsuko nodded to show that he was right, "I can't believe it, the Philosopher's Stone, and it only took five brattlings and one teenager to get it… Where the effing hell did you get it?"

Kazutoshi answered his idol, "At the basement below the third floor corridor at Hogwarts."

Aiji snorted, "No wonder the old man acted like ants were on his ass."

Michiko scratched her chin, "Either Albus has gone senile or he's a crafty little bastard who's bitten off more than he can chew."

"Verdict?" Kiku asked.

"The latter," Michiko and Sirius said.

"But still," Lythiel frowned, "He was all but handing in a formal invitation for someone to steal it. He warned everyone not to step foot near that place."

"In a school full of children," Botan said, "That's just asking for a troublemaker to go out of spite."

"Why're you looking at me for?" Yuusuke said.

"Regardless," Setsuko said, "I can't just leave things as it is, the Stone changes the deal."

"Indeed," Kurama's lips quirked, "Especially considering that its secondary power is to permanently transform any metal into gold."

And he scores!

"So," Yuusuke snatched the stone with quicksilver demon reflexes, though Setsuko almost kept it by a margin, "Since we're here to only talk business about the mirror, why don't we get it outta the way?"

"Yeah," Aiji sidled next to Setsuko and clapped a hard hand on her shoulder, "We'll even give you a discount since you found a glitch in the system. So, how does fifty thousand galleons sound?"

"Say what? The Stone came with the mirror, so it's a part of the bargain!"

Chaos made itself at home in Genkai's Temple, again.

~!#$%^*&)(_~!#$%^(*_)~!#$%(*_+~!#$%*&_)~!$%*&_+~!#$&()_

Negotiations over the Stone's price were not, in any sense of the word, pithy. So, of course, Yuusuke and Aiji used the extended time to produce as much gold while they could. Lythiel immediately got into their little business and saved up some piles of the precious metal for Sally-Anne and Daphne.

Sally-Anne had been most loquacious over the matter of even spoil reaping. Although, really, she wasn't as noble as that, she just knew that if she asked she wouldn't get the largest bounty of all so she settled with even portions.

Kazutoshi, the traitor, had turned into a puddle of goo every time Setsuko took out the chain coiled around her hair and snapped it. Lythiel and Aiji go into the habit of carrying a camera whenever there was the slightest chance they could meet up with the prefect.

It was Sirius, funnily enough, who kept the debate from tipping in Setsuko's favor. He'd learned a bit from his neighbor of six years who was a corrupt lawyer for well-known Death Eaters (Evan Rosier and Thorfinn Rowle came to mind). Poor chap broke not even a month in captivity and started speaking justice lingo at the oddest moments.

It was amusing and distracted the more lucid prisoners from their own torment.

Eventually, Kurama intervened and everyone managed to agree on two things:

No one wanted any Ministry or Country to gain such a powerful tool. The results of that lovely picture: apocalyptic.

No one, not even someone as good at getting lost on the radar as Setsuko or Hiei, was safe with such a one of a kind artifact on their persons. There was no need to make unnecessary enemies of people who've discovered the formula for cheating Death.

"So," Sirius frowned, "Any proposals?"

"No thanks, Pochi," Yuusuke said, "Not ready for marriage."

"Says you," Aiji said, "Don't listen to what he says, Pochi. Keep the wedding kimono on reserve."

"And here I went and thought it was for you," Sirius smirked at his lovely goddaughter, "Eh, can't tell the difference these days."

Michiko frowned then took out her sketching pad and started illustrating, grinning the more detailed it became. Yuusuke groaned, for once not comforted by Kurama's lecherous leer.

"Oh, no, no, no, no," Yuusuke cried, "I draw the line at crossdressing."

"Not in the contract," Michiko sing-songed.

Sirius shook his head, "Do that and Yuusuke's virtue is in danger."

"What virtue?" Hiei sorted.

"Not listening, lalalalalala," Kazuma ran around with his hands covering his ears.

"He's still a virgin!" Keiko cried and ignored Yuusuke's mortified "KEIKO!" "We didn't do anything of the sort! And, and, anyway, Yuusuke's not the type to cheat or have one night stands!"

Setsuko patted Yuusuke's shoulder; his flush had traveled all over his neck and ears, steam rolling from them. "Don't worry kid, nothing wrong with sixteen year old virgins. It's when they're forty that you have to worry."

Yuusuke wished that the ground would swallow him already. Or at least some lightning god or goddess would show him some pity and strike him down.

Aiji crawled over to Yuusuke's lap, all of a sudden as affectionate as a puppy. "Don't worry nii-chan. I'll always love you, even if your stubborn pride and idiocy make you into a 40-year-old virgin."

"Thanks, Ai," Yuusuke said dryly, though he accepted the backhanded love, "And I'll always love you, even if you don't find a brave soul to put up with you."

Lythiel giggled, "That's true love, right there."

"Indeed," teary-eyed Kazutoshi said, "My own sister told me she would either give me a sex-change or kill me and take over the company when I was twelve."

"Uh," Yuusuke and Aiji sweatdropped, "Sempai?"

"She's still scorned about being overlooked as the company heir," Kazutoshi said despondently, "It's not my fault I was born with a cock and she wasn't!"

"Oh shit," Kazuma guiltily slapped his head.

Shizuru sniffed the cup of soda he's been drinking, "Dude, there's barely enough alcohol for cough drops in here."

Yuusuke guffawed and high-fived his sister and Lythiel on a job well done. Kazuma scratched his head with a furious blush that clashed with his carrot top mop.

"Two words: Prefect Protection," Aiji grinned while snapping away with her disposable Kodak. She didn't even mind when Keiko bonked her and nii-chan and Kazuma on the head.

"He's a dejected drunk," mused Lythiel, "Who would've guessed?"

"He got drunk on that shitty little bit?" Setsuko snickered, "Lightweight."

"Although you tease me, Setsuko-sama," Kazutoshi cried, "My heart belongs to you, my fierce biker goddess."

Setsuko patted his hands that were holding one of her own prisoner, "Tell me this again when you're sober and older, kiddo. I might be a mega-bitch, but even I don't rob the cradle while the baby's intoxicated."

"Older?"

"That's my rule, no jailbaits," Setsuko shuddered, "Learned my lesson."

"So, so, you're saying if I'm older, legal," Kazutoshi breathed, "You'll?"

"Consider the offer," Setsuko said.

Kazutoshi put on his thinking face and nodded, "Soooo, I'll proposition you when I'm 18! Okay, I can live with that!"

No one had the heart to help Kazutoshi regain his memories of when he was tipsy.

On the plus side. He made such a racket that Lythiel used the forced all-nighter to finally finish her O-worthy Charms and Transfiguration papers.

~!#$%&^)(_+~!#$&)(_+~!#$%^_)~!#$&^)_+~!#$%*&_)

As there was no resolution on the Stone dispute, Kiku and Setsuko were invited over Genkai's for Christmas. It was convenient since, while everyone planned to relax, if anyone got a brilliant idea the interested parties were all under the same roof and accessible.

Aiji and Yuusuke, who weren't all that reverential to the gods that loved to cock up their lives for kicks, had asked Lythiel if she wanted to celebrate a more Celtic Yule. She'd blushed at the consideration but declined, she wasn't really all that religious and the holiday meant nothing to her on an emotional level… unless if one counted the bored irritation she felt at the pureblood parties where the only silver lining were the rare times Daphne and Asteria attended.

Even so, dinner wasn't strictly a Japanese Christmas either. Instead of Christmas Chicken, they all ate mizutaki. The chicken-based nabe pot stood proud at the middle of the large kotatsu while everyone took their share – sometimes fighting over it – and ate in their own bowls.

Kiku glared at anyone when she dipped the shungiku in ponzu sauce, daring anyone to make a pun to her name and the chrysanthemum greens. Yuusuke, Setsuko, Sirius, Aiji, and Hiei were fighting over who got the biggest pieces of chicken. Michiko had at least ¾ of the nabe's shiitake mushrooms. Atsuko and Shizuru fought over the remaining negi. Botan and Kazuma kept on stealing everyone else's Chinese cabbage and defending their bounty from Keiko. Genkai, empress of her temple that she was, relegated the use of ponzu sauce in return for the extra soup and tofu. Lythiel and Yukina negotiated hard bargains for those.

Kurama wasn't present at the time, as he celebrated Christmas and other holidays with Shiori, Hatanaka-san, and Shuuichi. Not a big loss for him, since the fox loved chicken and it made his mother happy.

Kazutoshi, likewise, was with his own family down in Tokyo. As much as he complained about his traditionalist parents and his violently ambitious sister, he couldn't fathom not spending important holidays without them.

It was while devouring Christmas Cake – and defending his bit from the bottomless pits, really, no respect for the ex-starved – that Sirius Orion Black had his greatest revelation in ten years.

"Say," he snapped his fingers together, "What would happen if we were to just give it to the Flamels?"

"They'd try to kill us," Hiei said. That's what he would do if someone stole his source of riches and immortality.

"Yes, exactly! Well, not so much the killing part, but they would declare war at the very least."

"Least, he says," Shizuru said wryly. Her hands twitched to give Aiji and Lythiel's hair a trim, they had an inch of dead hair at the tips.

"So, what I was thinking – "Don't hurt yourself" – was what would happen if the rat got a taste of his own medicine?" Sirius smiled an ugly grin. An aura of malevolence with a demonic dog at his back surrounded him, warning others that this man was not to be crossed.

"First we have to find the rat," Hiei snapped.

"Sorry, Sirius," Botan said with sincere regret in her magenta eyes, "But we've tried scouring over our files and there's been no progress."

"What'd you expect? Rats are some of the most resilient invisible little buggers out there," Kiku added her two cents.

Sirius deflated but his vindictive wrath would never be abated until Peter Pettigrew was hung by his toenails, gutted like a fish, and used as shark bait.

"Did anyone check the rats at Hogwarts?" Keiko asked.

Two in a row Stone Silence!

"Huh?" Botan spat out her cake.

"Well," Keiko frowned, "It said on the school letter that the normal pets allowed are toads, owls, and rats."

Atsuko dropped her sake bottle, stone cold sober, "If I was the asshole and wanted to stay on the loop, that sounds like the ideal place to be."

"He'd be safe," Setsuko grimaced, "Because he has his own death protecting him and that's the last place on earth anyone would look for him."

"And it's the ideal strategic place to be," Hiei snarled, "He's in the perfect position to spy and attack."

Lythiel snapped her head up, eyes wide. Aiji also had her own eureka.

"What?" Yuusuke growled, ready to turn Hogwarts upside down to find that rat.

Genkai didn't hit him or impede him from doing something foolish. She wasn't a hypocrite. Michiko started calling Kurama and Kazutoshi. Yukina took care of the broken bottle before anyone stepped on the shards of glass, her face frozen.

"Oi, Sirius," Aiji said, "If something happens to the wizard's original body, does that carry over to his Animagus form?"

"You mean you saw a rat with its paw missing?" Sirius leapt in front of her, glee and fear warring in his iron eyes.

"Weasley," Lythiel breathed as though she couldn't believe they'd missed something so obvious.

"Weasley?"

"Ronald Weasley's pet rat," Lythiel clarified, "Hedwig, that is Sally-Anne's owl, she's been trying to eat him for such a long time that we got used to letting him loose in the castle. Maybe the reason she always tried to swallow him is because he's been hanging around the Slytherin area."

"Rats don't generally live for ten years," Aiji whispered, remembering the one time Ron had found the snowy owl about to gorge herself with his beloved pet. He'd railed about how the rat was already old and didn't need his life shortened anymore than it was, thank you very much.

"Shit," Kiku took out her oar from hyperspace and got on it, Botan following five seconds later, "We'll come back in a sec. Don't wait for us!"

They disappeared.

"Soooo," Setsuko started, noticing the heavy atmosphere and the protective energy cackling around the baby of the family, "Now that we know where our fall-guy is, what was the rest of the plan?"

Sirius, Yuusuke, and Atsuko met each others' eyes and showed their teeth. It would take months before the temple regained its normal aura of tranquility.

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Peter Pettigrew was a simple man of simple needs. That was what made life as a rat so rewarding. His existence was, in essence, the life of a leech. His day consisted of waking up, shittting, eating, drinking, peeing, napping, and sleeping. Occasionally he kept an ear out over Potter's (he didn't call her by name, even he knew he'd forfeited that right the second he got the mark) shenanigans, but the girl didn't share her secrets in the Common Room and her friends didn't talk openly.

Slytherins.

So, imagine his shock when the next time he opened his beady eyes, he met the face of a devil who'd sworn to drag him down to the deepest level of hell.

"Si-si-si-sirius?" he squeaked much like the animal he lived as. Old habits die hard.

"Peter, old chap. Even if you run, even if you hide, I'll always find the time to HUNT YOUR USELESS ARSE DOWN AND SKIN YOU ALIVE!"

"N-NO! SIRIUS NO!"

"Here squeaky, squeaky, here fucker," Sirius sang, the bloodied whip made out of electrical fences broke the skin and shocked Pettigrew.

Sirius lassoed Peter near him, ignoring the whimpers of agony and the smell of smoking flesh from the constant shocks. He took out a very sharp knife and, without even checking, plunged it in the general area of his groin.

Peter learned that he could, actually, sing soprano.

"OH SHUT UP! Cissa has a bigger pair than you, not much of a loss!"

"RON! PERCY! SOMEONE HELP!"

"Use your eyes, dumbass! We're nowhere near the Weasley home."

Peter, in a rare moment of courage (or desperation, really), attempted to use his healthier body against Sirius' battered one. "Petrificus Totalus!"

Once Peter was securely paralyzed, Sirius took out the knife from its disgusting sheathe and cut at the tender muscles in Peter's pinky fingers.

"What's a few more fingers, eh?"

Peter cried throughout the whole ordeal, the lost function of his pinkies rendered his hands useless. Sirius got tired of the careful ordeal, sheathed the knife, and stood up.

"Now that the boring part's over with," Sirius said and grinned like a madman.

He stomped on Pettigrew, feeling euphoric at every crack and gurgle.

Hiei had to admit, he was impressed by the pinky trick. Without proper function of his hand, the wizard couldn't use a wand and was therefore a sitting duck.

"We don't want him dead, remember?"

Sirius grunted with a last stomp, crushing his heel as though underneath his foot was the world's most disgusting cockroach.

Hiei took off his headband and the Jagan glowed at Pettigrew's direction, working his own demonic magic on the easily impressionable traitor. It was a wonder Voldemort hadn't killed him for insurance.

"Too bad Yuusuke, Atsuko, and Aiji couldn't be here," Sirius sighed, "Their revenge too, in a way."

"The fox too," Hiei corrected, "He'll soon join the pride."

Sirius hummed in agreement and said nothing else, didn't trust himself getting closer to Peter without killing him. It had been hard enough to merely stomp on his breakable bones instead of actually skinning him like he promised, but he didn't want the wizarding public to think him a dangerous animal. He'd known whores with more loyalty than that lot.

"What are you going to say to that malarkey of a justice system when they ask about his state of being," Hiei asked. He tossed the dark, dark red stone at Sirius. He caught it and planted it on Pettigrew's pocket.

Sirius grinned, slow and cold, "You can't expect me to have a civilized chat with a traitor after Azkaban, now can you."

~!~!#$%*&)(_~!#$*&_)~!#$&^)(_+~!#$*&_)+~!#$*&_)

BLACK INNOCENT!

PETTIGREW BETRAYED POTTERS!

PETTIGREW STOLE PHILOSOPHER'S STONE, BLACK A HERO! FLAMELS OUTRAGED!

MINISTRY SUED FOR BLACK'S WRONGFUL INCARCERATION!

That picture with Cornelius Fudge on the verge of tears was easily one of Aiji's favorite souvenirs from the whole drama. A close second runner-up was the candid photograph of Bartemius Crouch Senior's expressive "oh shit!" wide-eyed gaping.

Of course, most of the tabloids and journals were concerned with the judicial and big-scale political backlash. Only very few of them bothered to report Sirius and Atsuko's weird joint custody of Aiji or Pochi's decision to indefinitely remain in Japan.

Knot So Good (a rare muggleborn-friendly journal with relatively respectful reporters) speculated on the long-term political ramifications on the British pureblood elite due to Black's decision, the financial problems England will face when two of the richest heirs have left the coop, and the powerful statement of choosing to live among muggles over wizarding society.

The Quibbler didn't bother with trying to analyze anything or even tried to remain objective, Xenophilius Lovegood just plowed on about how the Ministry had purposefully allowed Sirius Black to be framed in order for the Girl-Who-Lived to be under their influence and the awful conspiracy was averted thanks to the caring Ms. Urameshi.

The sad thing? The Quibbler was probably telling the truth.

Aiji heard Sally-Anne's snort at her elbow, her friend was cutting off all of the photos of right-winged politicians with their "oh shit!" expressions and keeping them in a scrapbook. Daphne kept some for target practice with her new set of throwing knives.

Yes, you heard right, a new set of knives. Now, the more responsible readers must be asking who was the irresponsible idiot that gave that moody violent maniac sharp throwing projectiles? Give you a hint: she has a scar on her face that she didn't acquire from a brawl she was personally involved in.

Aiji wasn't normally a gift-giver or big on holiday presents. Money was always tight at home and what was miraculously saved was spent on food or rent.

Yuusuke did try to do small loving deeds for her when they were younger, such as accompany her to her favorite park or filch some change for the arcade even when things were less than ideal at home. Aiji always appreciated those gestures at love and the attempt at normalcy from her brother. She reciprocated with taking the blame for minor misdemeanors that most people would let a girl off the hook for and made sure Keiko looked the other way when he did things that she would disapprove.

This system of doing things for loved ones instead of buying things lead for the Urameshi siblings to reserve all their patience and understanding for special occasions. It wasn't unusual for the Yukimura Ramen Stand to all of a sudden be sparkly clean once Yuusuke and Aiji were sure no one saw them sanitizing the place.

Keiko and her parents knew. They just let them think they didn't for the sake of Urameshi pride.

However, in the joyful spirit of capitalism, Aiji had decided that maybe it was okay to ease her fists and actually spend some money on gifts.

… Okay, so she didn't go to a store and bought jewelry or whatever clothes designers deemed temporarily fashionable.

She had gotten friendly with the goblin in charge of her vault via firecalls. Griphook had been absolutely stern and wouldn't let her peer into the family vault until she was seventeen – "yes, not even if your chaperone is almost seventeen. He could be as old as Griselda Marchbanks and you won't set foot in there until you're seventeen." He'd changed his tune when Aiji casually mentioned a way that vertically challenged fighters could toss opponents over their shoulders and beat the stuffing out of them without using magic.

Aiji had looked so guileless when she pointed at Genkai-baba and said that she was looking for ambitious students.

The endless holiday chores were soooo worth the backdoor to her family vault.

Not that Genkai could complain. She made it a point to snipe at Yuusuke and Aiji about how much more diligent Strongcopper Daughter of Griphook was than the both of them combined.

Her gifts came from her vault, because priceless centuries' old heirlooms beat questionable fashion trends any day of the week.

The knives Daphne got belonged to Aiji's many times great-aunt Dymphana Potter. A happy warrior who was considerate enough to divest her beaten opponents of their burdensome lands, castles, servants, lives, and even their horses. It was thanks to her that the Malfoy family didn't become as expansive as the Weasley family and therefore saved many a generation from the extra obnoxiousness from the pale gits. Too bad she missed the last ancestors.

Daphne, of course, had loved them at first sight and had vowed to name her firstborn Dymphana. Malfoy, as if instinctively recognizing the weapons that had slayed many a kin, gave Daphne a wide berth even in the most enclosed of spaces.

Sally-Anne had wept tears of joy at Ye Olde Ealdorbotl. From what Aiji had understood from Lythiel's explanations, it was the Wizarding British Version of The Prince – "Only rarer," Lythiel said, "Since you can't find it at any old bookstore."

The priceless quality of the book had appealed to Sally-Anne's materialistic side and the content whetted her Machiavellian palate.

Of course, ever the scholar, Lythiel had devoured the book before it was never seen outside Sally-Anne's clutched hands.

Kazutoshi and Aiji had opted for simple and exchanged weapons. She'd given him an old sword resistant to fire spells from another warrior ancestor, this time a many times great grandmother named Claefer Dunn. Kazutoshi had emptied his pockets and gotten her a pair of ki and magical adapting sai, forged personally by Setsuko at a discount price.

None of her friends had such an emotional reaction to their gifts as Lythiel. The holiday away from the dreary Moon estates and her bastard of a father had been the best present she could have asked for. But Aiji had just topped herself. She'd given Lythiel a spare key to her apartment. Open door policy.

Lythiel has stilled, gazing at the steel gadget blankly, as though she couldn't believe something was in front of her face, then she swept Aiji into a tight hug and buried her face in her shoulder.

Of course, the rest didn't get any tangible presents. Aiji and Yuusuke merely continued the tradition of letting their actions mean more than bought trinkets. A tradition that would be extended to Daphne, Sally-Anne, Lythiel, and Kazutoshi. After all the gifted family heirlooms and letting your friend crash in for however long she wanted, the quartet felt that the gifts were extravagant and thoughtful enough to last them decades' worth of holidays and birthdays.

Sirius hadn't needed any gifts. The Urameshi family had surprised him when, not even an hour into being declared a free man, Aiji thrusted a very legal and binding form into his shaky hands. It was a joint-custody agreement, wherein Sirius would have the same custody over Aiji as if he were married to Atsuko. Likewise, Sirius had the dubious honor of lawfully having parental rights over Yuusuke for the next two years until he became a legal adult.

Sirius hadn't cried then, but he came close from the trembling Aiji had felt in her used-to-it-by-now shoulder.

Suffice to say, Yule in Japan had been a success.

Aiji brushed off the lint on her handmade green sweater. It was a joint present from Daphne and her mama Zoë. Daphne had chosen the color and the white tiger design at the front and mama Zoë had knitted it with her eldest as her personal helper. Though she had a green thumb and an amazing knack for potions, Daphne was not as proficient with knitting or even crocheting.

It was Aiji's favorite sweater. She hoped that she could magic it into growing with her body.

Sally-Anne had gone for the practical route and had given Aiji, and consequently her brother, an estate planner. It was a medium sized book that was connected to the Lord (or Lady) of lands and the heirs that allowed them to magically keep check of their estates. Luckily, there were ancient pureblood privacy laws predating the Ministry regarding those planners. It wouldn't do for the Fools In Charge to accidentally discover the existence of Toranin and by proxy Makai.

Every Slytherin (everyone keeps track of gift-trafficking of the Important People To Know) believed it was for the Potter estates and maybe – Draco fumed and raged at this – for the Black estates as it was rumored that Sirius Black was naming Aiji his heiress.

Lythiel and Sirius had gone the Quidditch venue. Lythiel had gotten Aiji a top-of-the-line, "grows with the player" Freidrichson arm, shin, and breast guards along with the Diamondground bat. The enemy and "friendly" Chasers whimpered at the thought of that sociopath with high quality equipment instead of Bode's borrowed ones.

Sirius decided that though the Nimbus 2000 was great and its new version Nimbus 2001 was slightly better, he wanted better for his daredevil goddaughter who continuously sneaked away with Puu or a broom for aerobic stunts. He'd gone directly for the jugular. Somehow, someway, he got Aiji the working prototype of the Firebolt.

The Firebolt. As in, a high-tiered professional racing broom. One that technically should still be in the blueprint stages. That hasn't been technically tested yet.

Aiji had no problem whatsoever in being a test subject. The terrified Ravenclaws had been outflown, outmaneuvered, and overpowered by one flyer and one flyer only.

Even Snape had flinched when Aiji, having too much fun accelerating, had whisked by Seeker Cho Chang and accidentally, I josh you not, accidentally caught the snitch.

Terrence Higgs was by now used to the almost humiliating way Urameshi trounced everyone without even trying. He did not feel one iota of envy for his successor.

The common room whispered of Draco Malfoy's ambition of having his father buy the team Nimbus 2001 (or even Firebolts) as encouragement to let him on the team.

Marcus Flint had no qualms with being bought off for the good of the team and personal riches.

Urameshi, however…. Terrence inwardly shuddered at the horrors the blond but still harmless git would suffer at Urameshi's training.

He couldn't wait to get started on that nice, safe job at sales in the BMK. Maybe, if he was lucky, he could be immediately transferred to its headquarters in Germany.

(Yuusuke had not been left behind in the splurging, as Sirius had presented him with a brand new Kawasaki motorcycle that, like the Firebolt, should've still been on the blueprints stage.)

Aside from all of those minor details, Hogwarts was the same primordial cauldron of chaos as always. Only with a busier Poppy Pomfrey tending to the nosy students that didn't understand that when Aiji said "No, I don't want to discuss my private life with anyone" (party-line written by Sally-Anne), you don't keep pressing until she loses her patience.

Quirinus Quirell never once took his eyes off Aiji's smirking face. That was alright. Aiji kept one eye on him at all times. Hiei kept all three vigilant on the man and the back of his head, his katana ready to make a bald head roll.

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Remus liked to think himself a fair man. And fair men were not perfect; they made mistakes just like every regular Joe or Jane. It was when a fair man (or woman) made a mistake that their sense of justice was challenged and their response proved them worthy or unworthy of the title.

Remus didn't even think about these semantics the second he learnt the truth about Sirius. He'd tried to contact him while in England but so had every magical being and their cousin. It was only when he followed him to Japan and one Urameshi Atsuko's apartment that he got to have anything resembling a civil, one-on-one conversation with his old friend.

He looked… old. Malnourished and weak, but he was regaining weight, muscle and color little by little. But it was the haunted eyes that took the werewolf aback.

Even before his chosen exile from the Black family, Sirius had a way of letting cruelties and suffering roll off his back like water did to a duck. It was with a bullheadedness worthy of Godric that Sirius had remained a child trapped in an adult's body until a very, very dire situation forced him to show his real fangs.

Until now. Even Sirius had been no match for the horror that was Azkaban.

Remus, meanwhile, was more energized than ever. Though he held more grey hairs than a man his age had any business having, there was an inner fire driving Remus in every single movement. That spark had been lit the night he'd discovered Alyssa had been abandoned. Remus had thrown himself to the search, not pausing to worry about food or lodgings or even about the unfairness of being a relatively known werewolf. As such, his pride hadn't gotten in the way when Albus paid for any expenses. Who had the time to argue about that when every second wasted could mean that little Alyssa would forever be lost to them? Besides, technically, he was working for Dumbledore.

No that he had a foot at the door – literally, in Aiji's home – he found himself at a loss of words, with a free friend in front of him, Aiji's family, the girl in question finishing her first year at Hogwarts.

Sirius smirked, "What took you so long?"