Two Hundred and Sixty Three Sweeps.
Well... I don't know. I'm surprised I can even write anymore, but Eridan's been helping. We must have hugged for over Seventy Sweeps! ...it feels a little good, knowing I can at least pretend that there's some of my personality left that hasn't drained away.
Equius has been maybe the most hurt. There's only three of us left, on this planet I can only assume is our punishment for escaping that game. Maybe we were all meant to die there. Maybe we're all offshoots and in the alpha timeline there's versions of us who still fight, or exist in dream bubbles together?
I was so excited when I created those... I didn't want my friends to worry about the end and suddenly, they didn't have to! Death just meant that you had time to reflect, and make a better person of yourself. I guess it was a good idea while I was so young and afraid, but... if I'm true and the alpha me and the rest are all trapped in those bubbles for eternity... I'd have to say sorry.
I'm following the tradition Vriska and Terezi set down- Leaving Ten or so Sweeps between paragraphs. It feels good being able to do that. Having something to look forward to after every expanse of time. It's a purpose. This book is a blessing in disguise, the more I think about it.
I don't know what goes on in Eridan or Equius' heads any more. I didn't understand them intimately in the first place, for which I feel I should apologise, wow that sounded like Terezi! but... I should have known them better than I do. I might have been able to help them. As it is, Equius is starting to look older. I think he noticed. He isn't crying as much.
Oh! i forgot... Vriska died. I'm going to hate myself after this paragraph is done, I know it. I should have mentioned her straight away, but I had to pen down how I felt! I don't think I could have done it differently. but... For all my want and self-fulfillment I take from this, she's still dead. I don't... I don't know how to feel about it. Maybe in Ten or Twenty Sweeps I will.
I guess it took me Fifty whole sweeps to figure out what I felt. Nothing. I know, I know, it sounds awful but... I don't know! So many of my friends who were more important to me have passed on! I think I cried myself out of tears when Sollux died. I don't like thinking back on that. He died... He died so young...
I'm putting in this entry Half a Sweep later because... Well, because Equius is dying. With every word I write I feel like a worse person because I write this so calmly. Right now Eridan is all I know, because He and I are all that's going to be left... and We're going to live for Hundreds and Hundreds of Sweeps and I don't think I can manage to stay sane until I die...Not anymore...