I felt like an ass.

And what's terrible about this situation is that this is the second time I've made Gabby feel this way, and that fucking kills me.

She'd mumbled a quick 'I need to use the bathroom' and rushed off the bed towards it, locking the door behind her. I sat for a while on the bed, still surrounded by her scent, before I went into my room and pulled on sweats and a t-shirt.

Because it's worth doing right.

Way to go Matt, what's fucking right about this situation huh? Nothing. And you're for damn sure not making things any better.

I was making coffee when the door knocked and I found Shay and Kelly standing in the doorway holding a few bags in each hand.

I let them in as Kelly explains, "Stuff for Dawson. Clothes were ordered offline and everything else I've been dragged around all morning to get, but all this should make her feel a bit more comfortable." He places the bags down and takes a seat in the sofa, and I go to pour some coffee for us.

"Yeah, I tried my best to get everything she needs. Speaking of Dawson, where is she?" Shay asks, looking up the stairs for any sign of Gabby.

I rub the back of my head, "Bathroom. She didn't sleep well."

Shay's brows crease together as she takes a seat beside Kelly and I sit on the sofa opposite, "How come?"

I sigh, "She remembered waking up in her apartment to all the smoke and fire."

Shay rubs her face, "...at least she's remembering something I guess."

I roll my eyes, remembering her screeches and the terrified look in her eyes from last night and I pinch the bridge of my nose angrily, "That bad huh?" Kelly asks, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad."

"What was bad?" Her voice sends my head snapping towards the sound and when my eyes find her, I notice that her eyes were red and puffy, "Er..." I stutter before Kelly saves me, "The weather last night."

Gabby accepts this and nods and heads to the kitchen to get coffee, before she stops in her tracks and looks towards us again, "...Did I...stop by the firehouse before the fire?"

Shay nods encouragingly as she gets up off the sofa and hugs Gabby, "Yes, you did! This is great Gabs, do you remember anything else?"

She scrunches up her face trying to remember, "Um, no...I can't..."

"Hey," Shay soothes, "That's okay. You're doing great Gabs, no need to push it."

Gabby nods and continues into the kitchen and we sensed that her and Shay needed some time alone so Kelly and I headed out to grab breakfast at the diner down the street.

We walked rather than take the car so we'd have longer to talk and the moment we were out of earshot of my house I sighed, "I'm such a fucking ass."

Kelly chuckles, tugging his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt to protect them from the cold, "And here's me thinking that Matthew Casey can do no wrong." I throw him a look of distaste before he turns serious, concern taking over his expression, "Nah, you're nowhere near an ass Casey. So, what's up?"

I have no idea of where to start so naturally I just blurt out, "This whole situation is fucked up."

Kelly nods in agreement, "You can say that again...what happened?"

I exhale sharply, "After I woke Gabby from her nightmare she asked me to stay with her, and at first I was reluctant but after she said that I wouldn't be taking advantage I agreed. When I woke up I was just hit with the thought of us together before. We were bantering playfully until it got to the point where we almost kissed, I pulled away telling her 'not now' and then her eyes filled with rejection, and it felt like the Christmas party all over again."

By the time I'd finished explaining we were in the diner waiting in line and as we stood, Kelly huffed and patted my shoulder, "Definitely a fucked up situation...Look, man, I think you did the right thing because Dawson only just got out of hospital and she needs to recover. But in her mind, what happened between you two doesn't exist, it's a story to her, so she doesn't understand that you really love her in the way she loves you. With her remembering more, maybe she'll remember everything in a few days and this won't continue any longer, but if it doesn't, you've gotta show her that you love her, because she definitely doesn't trust what she's been told. Dawson's secretly loved you for a long time Casey, and it's gonna be hard for her to accept that her feelings are reciprocated when she doesn't remember the night that changed you both."

We had ordered and were waiting for the food so we could take it home, "Damn Kelly, who knew you were that smart?"

He chuckles as we collect our food and head home, "Haha, very funny. No, just let things take their natural course and everything will fall into place."

Feeling the chill of the brisk Chicago air I pull my jacket around me as we walk our previous path, "Easier said than done, but I think you're right. I just don't want to hurt her."

Kelly smiles genuinely, "You're not gonna do that man," he replies matter of factly, seemingly confident in me.

My forehead creases with curiosity, "How do you know?"

His smile only grows and his eyes shine with wisdom and knowledge and his faith in me, "I just know Casey, I just know..."

Gabby.

Matt and Kelly had left to grab us breakfast which left Shay and I together, sipping coffee as she silently comforted me.

"Thank you for my things Shay, you didn't have too though, but I really appreciate it," I murmur, letting the hot mug warm my chilly hands.

She wafts her hand in a 'nonsense' way, "No sweat Gabs. You needed the help and I know you'd do the same for me."

I smile at her, wondering how I ended up with the greatest best friend in the world without doing anything to deserve it.

"I lied to you earlier, when I said that going to the firehouse was all I remembered," I blurt out, having waited ever since Matt and Kelly left to tell her. Shay nods, as if she knew this, and indicates for me to continue, "I didn't want to explain with Matt here, but I remember him walking me out to my car and us hugging and kissing. He told me that he would wait until I was ready but he wanted everyone to know that we were together. I tried to tell him that I loved him, but the words wouldn't come out and Matt answered with 'I know, me too' as if he knew what I was trying to say... This hurts and I know I'm hurting him too, but I'm afraid."

Shay gives me a small smile while patting my hand with her own to comfort me, nodding slowly and taking the information in, "You shouldn't be afraid of him Gabs, Casey isn't going to hurt you."

I shake my head telling her that she doesn't understand, "I'm worried about hurting him," I stress, my throat tightening as I thought about it, "I screw things up and everyone good in my life I hurt. Maybe the fact I don't remember is a sign that Matt should move on from me, that he should find someone who deserves him because he's the greatest man I've ever known and I don't deserve him."

I was crying at this point, sobbing tears upon tears because I knew how true my words were. I hurt everyone.

Shay pulls me into her arms and squeezes me tightly, her own tears leaking, "No Gabby, no. You don't see...he loves you and your his world. I've never seen him more distraught in the hospital. You deserve each other, stop thinking this way because it's gonna hurt you."

I shake my head against her shoulder, "No, I'm going to hurt him. I'm never going to be enough Shay, he should see that."

She shakes me and pulls away, clutching my cheeks to make me look into her eyes and see how serious she was being, "Stop it. Stop this bullshit, it's not going to do you or Casey any good. You love each other, that's enough. I don't care if you've made mistakes and neither does he, and he definitely thinks you're enough Gabs, more than enough."

I nod and nod and nod, trying to absorb all this information and calm myself down, "Thank you," I murmur, and hug her for a while longer.

Eventually she pulls away, dries my cheeks and smiles, "So how you doing hun? Still sore? Casey told us about you remembering last night."

I sigh heavily, "Yep, definitely still sore and it wasn't that bad, I just dreamt about the fire and it shook me up."

Shay nods and decides not to push this, quickly standing and heading to the kitchen, "Have you taken your meds yet? Or changed your trachea dressing?"

I make myself comfy on the sofa, pulling a blanket around me and hugging a pillow on my lap, "No and no."

Shay appears from the kitchen again holding my meds and all that she needed to change my dressings, "Okay, let me fix you up."

I gulp down the meds, glad that I could take a few painkillers and then Shay set to work on cleaning my trachea wound and setting a new dressing on it.

She was concentrating deeply on her work when she mumbled, "It's gonna leave a scar," never taking her eyes off the wound.

I clutch her hand, smiling softly to try to erase the guilt in her eyes, "And without it I'd be dead...I never got a chance to thank you for saving my life."

Shay rolls her eyes, "As if I could have let your sorry ass die, I don't think so," she laughs, sticking the new dressing to my throat, "All done. Now where's the boys with food? I'm starving."

At the mention of food my stomach grumbles loudly and as if on que, Matt and Kelly rush through the door away from the cold.

"We bare grub," Matt grins, placing the food onto the table and we tuck into breakfast.

As I devour bacon and eggs Kelly nudges Matt and with a mouth full of pancakes he mumbles, "You on shift tomorrow man?"

Matt looks at me, worry on his face, "I don't know-"

I wave my hand, "I'll be fine here Matt, you can't start missing shifts for me. I was thinking off heading by the firehouse anyway, I miss the guys and I haven't seen them since I was in hospital."

His forehead creases and he doesn't look convinced, "Are you sure?"

I smile, "I'm sure. Besides, you'll be begging to come by and cook. I don't think you guys can survive Cruz's chilli again."

Kelly chuckles and nods with a big grin, "She's right man, she'll probably spend most of the day with us anyway. Quit worrying."

Matt punches Kelly on the shoulder playfully, "Yeah yeah Severide."

Shay and Kelly spent the day with us and left around eight, and then I took a bath and changed into some more of Matt's clothes. His navy blue CFD shirt and some black sweats that I had to roll up on the bottoms as they were a little long.

I headed back into the living room and placed myself beside him on the sofa, almost instantly did he put his arm around my shoulder and pull me gently into his side, and I reacted by laying my head on his shoulder.

"Are you sure about me going on shift? I can always take the day off if you need me here," Matt murmured while playing with the damp curls that rested on my shoulder.

I smile, clutching at his shirt, "I really appreciate it but I'll be okay Matt, you've done enough for me already."

He kisses my head like it was the natural thing on the planet just as had this morning, but I didn't freeze up like before, it felt wonderful, "I just want to make sure you're okay."

I take his free hand and caress it with the tips of my fingers, "And you have Matt, there's no need to worry about me anymore," I whisper, entranced by the lines I was tracing on the palm of his hand.

He sighs sadly and I watch as he swallows slowly, "I know, it's just hard to get that picture of you out of my head," upon hearing this, I lift my head from his shoulder to look into his eyes and I watched as they teared, the blue orbs filled with sadness and fear.

"What picture?" I answer cautiously, slightly afraid of the answer.

"Finding you in your apartment, laying on the floor. Shay working on you outside the building while you were covered in blood and couldn't breathe. In the ambo and I thought I was going to lose you...I couldn't lose you," he whispers and the pain on his face and in his face made me cry, and I pull him into my arms.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise Matt," I whisper into the crook of his neck, feeling his tears wet my hand that lay at the base of his neck.

When I no longer feel tears wetting my hand I tug at his own, pulling him off the couch and leading him up the stairs.

"Come on," I whisper softly, soothing him with my words.

I lead us across the landing and when Matt realised I was heading to his room he murmured, "Gabby..."

"Ssh," I hum, opening the door and guiding us in, "It's okay," I reply, trying to put him at ease and this seems to work as he closes the door.

Matt stands in front of me slightly nervous as he tightens his grip on my hand, I step towards the bed and pull him along. He complies and I crawl under the covers and Matt follows, tucking me into his side and making me feel completely safe.

"Gabby," he sighs, "I..."

"I know Matt, me too," I murmur, repeating what he said to me the afternoon before the fire, the little piece of information I remember and I felt his smile as he realised that I remembered, and then we fell peacefully into a deep sleep.