10. "Things are about to get really complicated."

Chapter Notes: Darren's POV on chapter 10 of As a White Knight on His Steed

...

When I kissed Chris, it was a question – and the answer was immediate: Yes! But when Chris kissed me, that was something else altogether. I found myself taking an abrupt step backwards.

I was so full of shock and wonder that I couldn't help stating the obvious. "You kissed me."

"Well, to be fair, you did kiss me first," Chris countered. God, I love that boy's snark.

"Yeah, but that was just to see if I had a crush on you. Which I…um…apparently… um…do. But I didn't think you liked me back."

"Darren," Chris said, half-laughing. "Are you totally clueless? I've had a crush on you since we were ten!"

"What?! Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Because you're my best friend, and I thought you were straight, and I didn't want to ruin our friendship."

Aha – so apparently I wasn't the only idiot here. "Chris, nothing could ruin our friendship. You should know that by now."

"I hope you're right. Because things are about to get really complicated."

"Why does anything have to be complicated?"

"Well, for starters, Darren, we're not campers anymore. We work here now. Did it ever occur to you that our bosses might not be overjoyed at the idea of a workplace romance? That they might feel like it's not appropriate for us to share a bunkhouse given the nature of our relationship? What if they decide to make one of us room with Brad, and the other with Ian?"

"Oh my god, don't even joke about such a thing!"

"I'm not joking. David and Ryan are cool, but the bottom line is, they're running a business here, not a dating service. If they thought for one minute that our relationship was going to interfere with our work, or cause problems for them with the campers' families, don't you think they'd do something about it?"

I gave Chris a thoughtful look. "Well, then, we'll just have to keep this to ourselves. We've always been so close, anyway, that no one's going to notice the difference."

"I hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right. Now shut up and kiss me."

Chris leaned forward, but at the last moment he pulled away, looking uncomfortable.

"Is everything okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," Chris said shakily. "It's just that I'm really new to all of this."

"You're new to this? I just figured out I was gay like ten minutes ago. You've been out for years."

"Yeah, but I've never had a boyfriend."

"Well, neither have I, obviously."

"But you've had girlfriends. You have experience. I've never even kissed anyone before today, let alone done anything else. I just don't know if I'm ready for all of this."

Looking into Chris's uncertain face, the choppy waves that had been crashing in my mind all day calmed, and suddenly everything seemed as clear as glass. It wasn't complicated at all. Chris had been my best friend since we were eight years old, and he was my best friend still. Whatever else we had, that would always be the most important thing to me.

"Chris, baby, look at me," I said. I don't know where that term of endearment came from, but it felt right.

I cupped his face in my hand and gazed directly into his incredible eyes as I told him, "There is no 'all of this' except what you and I create together. We never have to do anything that we don't both want to do. And if you're worried about me having more experience, just 'cause I had a couple of girlfriends in high school, well, it never went further than kissing with any of them. I thought at the time it was because I was a good Catholic boy, at a good Catholic school, dating good Catholic girls. But looking back, I guess I was never interested in taking things further because deep down a part of me probably already knew I was gay. So I really don't have any more idea about what I'm doing than you do. We'll figure it out together, okay?"

"Deal," Chris said, and I thought in that moment that seeing him smile again was even better than kissing him.

Of course, in the next moment, I revised that thought…

…

I guess I was kind of naïve, thinking that everything would be smooth sailing now that Chris and I had confessed our mutual attraction. It seemed to me like our relationship should be so easy – we already had the perfect friendship, and now we got to add kisses (and, eventually, whatever else we both felt comfortable with) into the mix. That could only make things better, right?

So I was taken by surprise, that evening, when Chris freaked out on me, seemingly out of the blue. I'd just finished showering, and I came out of the bathroom toweling off my hair.

Chris looked up from the letter he'd been writing. "What are you doing?" he squawked, with a tone usually reserved for someone who's about to stick a fork in an electrical outlet. He whirled around to face the opposite wall.

"Drying my hair. What does it look like I'm doing?"

"You're naked!"

"So?" I asked, honestly baffled by his reaction. "We've seen each other naked hundreds of times. What's the problem?"

"We were kids, Darren, and it didn't mean anything."

Oh. Well this was interesting. "So, you're saying it means something now?" I asked, trying not to smirk. I might like where this was going.

"It means put on some pants, Darren! And a shirt wouldn't hurt, either, while you're at it."

Nope, guess I didn't like where this was going, after all. What was he making such a big deal about? I mean, the human body is beautiful, and being naked is completely natural, especially when you've just been in the shower. That's a totally organic experience, right? I mean, I always came out of the bathroom to get dressed. It had never been a problem before.

When I thought about it, though, I realized that Chris always changed into his pajamas while he was still in the bathroom. And he always had his head down, writing, while I was getting dressed. Maybe this shyness wasn't so sudden, after all.

Chris cleared his throat, still facing the wall. "Are you decent?" he asked.

"No. But I've got my pajamas on, if that's what you're worried about."

Chris grabbed a pillow off of the bed and threw it at me. I caught the pillow and whacked him with it.

"Hey!" Chris yelled, mock-indignant, "Knock it off, or I'll have to report you for domestic violence."

"Okay, okay," I laughed, relieved that he was back to his normal, playful self. I flopped onto the bed and picked up Harry Potter. "C'mere and I'll read you a story."

Chris lay down with his head in my lap, and I ran my fingers through his hair as I read. At the end of the chapter, I set the book aside and began to scoot down on the bed next to him.

Chris sat up abruptly. "What are you doing?" he asked, sounding alarmed.

"Cuddling," I answered, bemused. "We always cuddle after I read to you."

"Yeah, well, that was when it didn't mean anything."

"What is it with you and everything having to mean something tonight?" I huffed. "Don't you want to cuddle with me?"

"Of course I want to cuddle with you."

"Then what's the problem?"

"The problem, Darren, is that cuddling might lead to other things."

"Chris, baby, we already talked about this. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"Yeah, but maybe I do want to."

"Then what's the –"

"Darren, if you say 'what's the problem' one more time tonight, I swear I'm going to smother you with this pillow!" Chris yelled, sounding exasperated. "The problem is that just because I want something, that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm ready for it, okay? Now, will you please get out of my bed?!"

"Okay," I mumbled, standing up. I felt about two inches tall.

Chris looked contrite.

"Hey, Dare, I'm sorry I yelled at you," he said, standing up to join me. "I'm not mad at you. I just really don't want to rush into anything." He took a deep breath. "And when you're so close to me, it's hard for me to trust myself," he admitted. "Forgive me?"

"Of course," I said, relief flooding through me when I realized he wasn't mad. "And I get it. I promise, I'm not trying to push you into anything."

"I know," Chris said.

I wanted so badly to hold him right then, but I didn't think I could handle any more rejection. Thank god he made the first move. "C'mere," he said, opening his arms.

I stepped forward, and he wrapped me in a hug. I clung to him as tightly as I could.

"I warned you that this was going to be complicated," Chris told me.

"Yeah," I murmured into his shoulder, "but it's worth it."

End Notes: I hope you don't mind that this followed the original story so closely. I'm realizing that that's probably going to happen quite a bit from now on. Early in the story, where each chapter covered an entire year or more, it was easy to add in extra stuff. But at this point, it sometimes takes multiple chapters to get through a single day, and there just isn't space for a lot of new material. So I'm hoping that switching over to Darren's perspective, even if the events are the same, will keep things interesting enough for you.