Okay, so after a loooong hiatus, I have come to terms with myself and feel so much better than last year. So here for you my dear readers, is the tenth chapter! Now, I've had ideas to turn a lot of things around and rethinking a lot of the story plots that I've been thinking about. So hopefully we get into the actual story soon. Bare with me, I'm writing this as I post, which maybe I shouldn't have done. But if I didn't have readers etching me on, I'd probably give up completely. So thank you for waiting. I appreciate it more than you know. ;)

You may have also noticed that I've named the chapters. I get a lot of my inspiration from music. Gets me in the mood for the specific parts I write. My song of choice is Nevermore by Queen this time around. I would suggest you listen to that song. ;) It's from the Queen II album.

Enjoy.

Love, Lindsay

Drowning- (drown·ing) (drouńing) suffocation and death resulting from filling of the lungs with water or other substance or fluid, so that gas exchange becomes impossible.

There's no living in my life anymore.

The seas have gone dry and the rain stopped falling.

Please don't you cry anymore.

Can't you see?

Listen to the breeze, whisper to me please.

Don't send me to the path of nevermore.

Even the valleys below ,

Where the rays of the sun were so warm and tender,

Now haven't anything to grow.

Can't you see?

Why did you have to leave?

Why did you deceive me?

You send me to the path of nevermore,

When you said you didn't love me anymore.

Nevermore,

Nevermore...

"Nevermore"-Freddie Mercury

"But why does it have to be like this?" Darien said softly, his back towards Serena, his eyes staring out the window into nothingness. His body numb with every word that fell from her mouth.

"Because it just does Darien," she said in a bitter tone, though deep inside, her heart was racing a million miles per second. Her insides felt as if they were being torn apart by some blood thirsty demon. But, and there's always a but, she knew it was the way things had to be.

Serena fought for all the strength she had ever possessed in her entire life to say what she would say next. It took everything in her not to let the tears fall from her eyes, and show the pain her words were causing.

"It has to be like this because I'm tired of pretending to love you..." she said in almost a whisper, and with that, her last strand of false strength faltered and she turned quickly on her heel and ran out the door of Darien's apartment. She left the love of her life in a shattered dream. In a room with walls of happiness crumbling down to the floor in heaps around his feet.

Darien never moved a muscle as her last parting words echoed loudly through corridors of his mind over and over again. He couldn't understand her grounds. He didn't know where all of this was coming from. He didn't know why she had taken such a drastic turn when just yesterday they were perfectly happy. He just wasn't comprehending what was going on. He didn't know. He didn't know...

With that thought, Darien, the one who always seemed to remain strong, felt the rush of the floor meeting his palms. He sunk into the frozen, dark abyss of his living room floor. A chilling breeze wafting in through the sheer curtains, surrounded him, and there in that position of unending torture, Darien fell.

Fell, and never stopped falling. Serena had left him and there was nothing to hold him up out of the darkness that quickly filled his lungs like freezing water, drowning him.

A year later...

Her eyes were heavy. Tired from all the nights she lay awake, surrounded by darkness. It was only the darkness keeping her company. Of course she had Luna, but when the cat was asleep and she was the only one in the room, there was no one. Had she made the right choice? Had she done the right thing? Was leaving all of them what she really meant to do? Were they all safe?

So many things went through her head. Un-ending to the relentlessness of her mind, she lay awake all night, every night. Dark circles under her eyes, she would get up out of bed, dress for the day and go to work. Only because it was routine. She was mostly on auto-pilot. Not even thinking when she fed the cat.

She just came home from work everyday, fed the cat, changed from her work clothes and lay in bed til the next morning. Almost everyday for the last year was this her routine. She was a mess. Luna constantly tried talking her into maybe going out for a bit. Luna was constantly telling Serena to eat something. She had lost so much weight. She was truly wasting away. So close to becoming nothing.

The sun had started rising. She could see the rays reaching over the window sill and into her room. She turned over to face the opposite direction and tried to stare into the remaining darkness, but it receded as the sun showered her white walls with a morning glow.

Serena pushed the blankets off of her thin body, pushed her feet into her over-sized slippers and made her way to the bathroom. She stood in front of the mirror and stared at herself lazily. She brought a finger up to her eye and traced the darkness. She looked awful and she knew it. But she did nothing. She fashioned her hair in the usual way for work, splashed some water on her face and left the bathroom to the kitchen.

The kettle whistling at her, she poured hot water into her cup and stirred the blackness that kept her up for the duration of the day. It was thick like oil. She took a sip and walked over to the balcony, it's door shut. She stared out into the endless sky and noticed the dark clouds off in the distance. 'Maybe I won't go into work today,' she thought to herself and walked over to the phone and dialed her work number.

She pulled out a bag from under her bed and loosely packed it with some clothing, not really paying attention to what she threw into the bag. Making another phone call, she told Luna to hop into the cat bag and she walked out the door, locking it behind her.

Serena stood waiting for the train. She closed her coat at the collar with her hand as a brisk breeze blew up around her. Maybe a small vacation from everything she had made herself out to be would be slightly beneficial. She knew she was not healthy. It's not like it wasn't obvious she had made herself sick.

"Are you sure you're up for traveling Serena?" Luna asked softly peering up at her through the mesh screen of the cat carrying bag.

"Of course, I'm fine," Serena replied monotonously, still staring out into the distance in front of her. When Luna said nothing, Serena looked down at her and gave her a small smile, "I'll be okay once we get home," she smiled genuinely for the first time in a year. It wasn't much but the thought of home made her actually feel a tinge of happiness. She knew her mother missed her dearly, and was still confused at Serena's sudden decision to move away. But she also knew that her mother would welcome her with open arms no matter what reason Serena was away from home.

The train turned the corner and the sound of the wheels on the track filled Serena's head. Wincing slightly at the screeching, Serena awaited it's stop and waited for the people to finish unloading. She smiled very slightly again at Luna and stepped forward onto the train. She was going home.

His eyes searched his watch. The hands were blurred but he could make out that it was going on two in the morning. He stood up out of the stool and struggled with the coat as he stumbled out the door of the bar. He staggered down the street, his breath visible in the coldness of the night, making his way home.

Turning the key to his door he stumbled into his apartment, peeled his coat off as the door closed and made it to his bed. Collapsing without even kicking off his shoes, he fell into a drunken sleep.

The sun flowed in through his bedroom window onto his face when he opened his eyes. His head aching he looked towards the clock on his bedside table, it was only seven thirty in the morning. He turned over and sat up holding his aching head. 'Shouldn't of had that last drink,' he thought to himself as he manage to kick his shoes off and get up. Dizzy, he walked into the bathroom in search for some aspirin. He looked into the mirror, popped the aspirin in his mouth, swallowing it with some water. He studied his dark eyes from the months of barely any sleep and his sudden consumption of alcohol. His once strong jaw looked thin, his broad shoulders hung low.

Darien Shields no longer looked like the held together man he used to. Somewhere he had lost his sense to keep it together. The last year for him had been hell and it was etched on his body.

He turned on the shower, undressed and stood there staring in the mirror again as the steam from the hot water flooded out around him. He stood there staring into nothing as the mirror fogged up. Just staring, Darien had become an empty shell that did nothing but drink and stare.

Stepping off of the train, her bags in hand, Serena took in a deep breath of Tokyo air. It was different then the moist air about her small apartment in Mihama-ku, Chiba. However, it smelt like home and Serena was almost entirely happy to be in familiar territory. "Nothing's changed at all, huh Luna?" she pulled the cat carrier up to her face and smiled in at the cat, "Are you happy to be home too?" she asked her.

"More than you know Serena," Luna smiled as they started walking.

Serena stood out front of her mother and father's home. The home where she lived all of her life. She took in a deep breath and mustered up a little bit of strength. She had managed to get this far, no use in backing out now. On the exhale Serena took a step forward and made her way up the front stairs. With a soft knock on the door, she turned to knob and softly opened the door, "Hello?" she called out, "Anyone home?" she walked in the door, put her bags down and bent down to let Luna out.

"Oh Princess," she heard her mother's voice cheerfully behind her. Serena looked up at her and stood up smiling as her mother wrapped her tightly in a hug. "Oh my darling, I missed you so much. I started getting worried when you hadn't called in so long," she said tears in her eyes. "I'm so glad you decided to come home for a visit," she smiled down at her daughter with all the love in her eyes.

Serena smiled as she hugged her mother back and stood there looking at her, happiness overwhelming her. "I'm glad to be home mom. I've missed you too," she said softly and hugged her mother again.

Releasing her hold on Serena after their second long hug, still holding Serena's shoulders she studied her daughter's withered features, "Oh Serena, what have you been doing?" she asked all of a sudden, alarmed by her daughter's thin appearance. "Haven't you been eating? Or sleeping?"

"Yes mom I've been eating. It's just been a hard few months that's all," Serena said softly turning and picking up her bags, "I'm just glad to be home for a bit," she smiled softly. "What's for dinner?" she asked as they walked up to her room to unpack her things.

Darien walked up the temple stairs, his dark sunglasses keeping the day's light from blinding him. He zipped up his coat a little more to fight off the chill in the air. Spring was around the corner, but the air still had a bite to it, and the sky was clouded with snow clouds. His head pounded with yet another hangover and he rattled to almost empty bottle of aspirin in his coat pocket.

"Chad, will you go sweep up the room now? You've been doing nothing all day! What does grampa pay you for? To sit around like a lazy hog all day?" Darien turned the corner and found Rei standing in the doorway a temple entrance. Her shrill voice, although pleasant on most days, sent echos of pain through Darien's head. Rei turned around and smiled, "Oh hey Darien. Long time no see!" She crossed her arms across her chest and leaned to the side, "Finally showed up for some work today huh?" she smiled sarcastically.

'Oh Rei, if you only knew,' Darien thought to himself but only managed a slight smile to acknowledge her comment, "Yeah, figured that a week later would be a good time to get up out of bed," he said softly sarcastically as he passed her.

"Hung over again Darien?" she asked as she followed him. This time a more concerned look came over her face and held in her brow, "You know Darien, I think we need to talk," she said softly leaning in against the door way as Darien took off his coat and sat down at the messing piles of plans on his desk.

He looked up at her after taking off his sunglasses and gave her a look of regret. Not regret of his actions for the last year, but regret for actually deciding to come into work at all. "Not again Rei. We've already had this talk," he said a hint of annoyance in his voice and turned to look at his work.

"Yeah well it obviously didn't help." Rei said her anger rising, "Why even bother coming into work. You never get anything really done. Why don't you just get over it already!?" Darien snapped his head around in shock that she would even say such a thing. Anger written all over his face, Rei quickly covered her mouth with her finger tips, a look of apology on her face. "I'm sorry Darien, I didn't mean it," she said softly looking down."

Darien got up and grabbed his jacket, putting one arm in, "Don't worry about Rei. You're right I should get over it," he said sarcastically, "But you know I have this problem with nightmares where the love of my life keeps leaving me out of nowhere," he said loudly as he slipped his other arm into his coat.

"Darien I didn't mean it, I'm sorry," Rei said softly as Darien walked past her in an angry huff, "Darien!?" Rei called after him following to the end of the porch and just watched Darien stomp off to who knows where.

Darien clambered down the temple steps and down the street in anger. Who was she to tell him to get over anything? Who was she to ridicule him for coming to work with a hangover? At least he came to work mostly everyday. It's not like he neglected his work.

He turned the corner and stopped in his tracks, he heard familiar giggling coming from down the street and saw a blond woman walking with an older blue haired looked frail and sick, and her hair was shorter. Shaking his head he quickly put his sunglasses on and continued to walk down the street. 'It can't be her,' he thought to himself putting his hands in his pockets and hung his head, staring at the ground.

"No, I asked for the week off. My boss had begun to notice that I was looking sick so she told me to take as much time as I needed," he heard the girl say softly.

"Well I'm just glad you came home. I'm going to make sure you're feeling better before you leave," the blue haired woman said cheerfully, but her voice full of concern.

Darien passed them quickly and didn't stop to look back, it couldn't be her. She had left with no word to where she went. She hadn't called him, hadn't sent any word to him at all. He had called so many times but her parents just told him that she had left.

Darien would never forget the pain stricken voice her mother had had when she answered the phone. All the pain in her voice when she told him that Serena had left. Oh, it pained him even to think of her name. She had left no reason as to why she had left him, left her family and friends. No reason as to why she had left everything she ever knew behind. He crossed the street and continued on his way, a new wave of pain and sadness coming over him. He was still drowning. It was never ending. Darien knew that he would never be able to get his head out of the water and breathe in a new breath of air. He just kept falling.