AN: Please note that if you see anything in this chapter that is both in bold and italics, then that means it's a flashback.
Thank you and enjoy!
"Sir, I don't think it's safe."
These were the exact words that Roy had been dreading to hear and yet hearing them did not stir in him any sensations of hurt or misunderstanding, rather he felt the childish weight of disappointment. He moved to contradict his lieutenant and prove to her that all was well and brag heavily on how easily he could and would defeat Sarah or any other, should the need come but he realized all too quickly that she was not speaking as his lieutenant but as his queen, his girlfriend, his love.
"Riza, you can drop the formalities." Roy was right, they were alone but still she continued in a respectful tongue, she had to make sure he would listen.
"Sir, you promised me before that should a threat emerge that we would go back to simply being "Colonel" and "Lieutenant"."
She was right on that. She was right about all of it. A threat had emerged in the form of a twitchy, violent, and deranged woman. There had been an agreement between them as well.
On the night that Roy had made his move and kissed Riza, she had turned away from giving in completely to Roy as his oh-so-charming ways and had remained her pragmatic self…if only for a moment before falling back into his heated embrace.
She had given him a condition, which was that should a threat occur that they would go back to their proper roles and cease all non-platonic connection (at least until all was back to normal).
Riza had to protect Roy. She had to keep him safe and she would be sure to do just that. Sarah had targeted him because of how close he was to Riza. She'd have to keep him at arms length in order to watch over him with a greater vigilance.
"The request for giving her house arrest has been overturned. She's in holding for now but she will be moved to Central Prison until her trial."
"I know that, Sir which is why we need to be careful. I saw the look that she gave you. She's not about to go quietly."
It was not so much that Roy and Riza were expecting Sarah to escape but both knew that she was still looking for a fight and that was a reason to be cautious.
She was right. Riza was always right.
"Also, I think you should stay with Lieutenant Colonel Hughes until the trial is over with."
No! No Roy was not about to both carpool with Hughes as well as live with him. He was about to protest but Riza's mouth silenced him with a kiss.
"Can't I stay with you instead, Lieutenant?" Roy asked coyly
"Sergeant Colt knows where I live and besides we would be breaking protocol and you and I both know how strict the Fraternization Laws are, Sir." She gave a taunting smile.
Three Days Later…
Sarah lay flat upon the cot of her cell. She had but moments ago heard the news that the request to keep her under house arrest had been overturned. The news had left her unfazed; for there were still demons crawling around in her mind and they were far more important.
She was folding, unfolding, and then re-folding again a letter; the last letter that she would ever write.
When she had requested a pen and piece of paper the guards had eyed her so suspiciously and for a time she thought that perhaps they might not honor her request but then they did just that.
Sarah felt as though there were far more things that should have been addressed in the letter but the guard had already collected the pen from her. Upon her escape, she would tuck the letter underneath her pillow and allow it to be found. She hoped that it would be given to its rightful owner.
'What if they find it and throw it away? They…they wouldn't do that...would they? In prison they honor those who are about to be executed with one final request…only they don't know that I'm going to die.'
Death? Murder? Suicide?
What are these like to experience?
Streams of light filled her darkened cell and left the reflected shadows of iron bars upon the wall. It was a reminder that she was no longer a Sergeant but now and forever more, an insignificant stain within the Amestrian criminal system.
With Brigadier General Richter offering up his good name and testifying to having paid witness to one of Sarah's many crimes, the whole court marshal process was sped up substantially; leaving Sarah to bare the mark of public humility.
She had refrained from eating since her arrest and would continue to do so. She drew comfort from the light and airy feeling that sated her stomach; just as she was brought to a gentle outer peace by the deliberate darkness.
Her head was roaming around and revisiting every thought, once, then twice, and once again for good measure. It gave her the feeling of being bound while a pillow was pressed firmly down upon her face. There was no light. There was no air. She was calm but screaming on the inside.
A dizzy daze of pain and pleasure that only those who are about to die can experience.
She'd waited three days for good measure, as she wanted to lull them into the false belief that she would willingly stay there.
"I just want to go home…" she mumbled almost inaudibly.
She wanted to go back because she knew that she didn't belong anywhere else…and maybe she didn't even belong in Pendleton. She didn't belong anywhere for she was never meant to have been born. She had killed her mother and Christine…oh Christine, she couldn't even see that everything was so wrong.
What would she do if she even went back?
She'd kill Roy and because she would be caught easily if she dared to board a train, she'd walk off and just keep on walking for hundreds of thousands of miles until she reached home. There and then she'd collapse from exhaustion outside on the steps. She'd hear the sounds of rumbling thunder from overhead, as rain threatened to fall at any second. In the morning she'd awaken soaked and frigid and trying to work up the nerve to knock on the door. Would her father even answer it? Would he slam it back in her face when he saw her? Could he ever accept that she had murdered not only her mother but a Colonel as well?
If she was let in, she'd spend the rest of her days as ghost, like she had been as a child. She'd haunt the halls and not make a sound. She'd cook dinner and clean and exist in the only way it would be acceptable for her to. Never argue. Never question. Keep far out of the way when her father was hitting the sauce, again. At night Sarah would find herself dreaming of a woman who hated her and wondering when they would find her and execute her for her crimes.
That was not a life at all and Sarah knew it.
Death was Sarah's only guaranteed way out of this. She had to kill Roy and then herself…
"Father….?"
There was a long, Earth shattering pause. For a moment she felt herself falling ill again and she clutched onto the wall for balance. She peered, patiently into the darkened room but she would not enter. She had learned her mistake and she would no longer misbehave.
There was the sound of a half-drunken groan; he was awake but barely. His mind was still swirling from last night's fill of liquor.
"Where are you going, Sarah?" he demanded as if he still had the proper cognition to punish her, should she answer him incorrectly. He had done his damage to her well enough last night and Sarah was not aiming for a round two.
"To school, father. It's Monday."
He groaned again but out of confusion. He seemed to have lost track of time. He had been going at the bottle more than he usually did; symptoms such as these were to be expected. Sarah's arm began to throb but she said nothing. She held it close to her side and hoped that her makeshift suture would hold up but the throbbing only persisted.
"I left your breakfast on the table."
Nothing more came from his mouth and Sarah backed away slowly and left her house.
Outside the air was scorching hot and she could feel the sun sending its harsh rays down onto her and they cooked their way through her improper attire.
She was uncomfortable in the long sleeved sweater but it was her fault for getting hurt like that and she could not have anyone know what had happened. Her father hadn't been himself; he had been upset and so he had gone straight to the liquor cabinet after work.
You would think that after sixteen years of living that Sarah would have come to understand that she had no right to meddle in her father's affairs or to even think of taking away more of the things that made him happy.
Drinking made him happy, or so that's what he would say. He didn't do it every night and as long as Sarah stayed in her room everything was okay. It was her fault. Her father had every right to grab his knife.
The throbbing sensation in her arm began to intensify. She unintentionally started to dig at where her father had cut her but as she did she realized that it was opening up once more and the thread was coming out.
The throbbing was replaced by sharp stinging as her flesh started to separate, allowing the blood to jut its way out of the wound and run wildly down her arm. She bit back the cry which swelled in her throat. There were people around her, heading off to work and she could not allow them to see her in such pain. They couldn't know.
Her father had never done this to her before. He was strict and distant but never had he attacked her…but she was the instigator…he was innocent in all of this…she wasn't…
She slipped inside an alleyway and promptly rolled up her sleeve. She would be late for school; it would tarnish her record of being the sweet little girl who kept to herself and always tried her hardest to succeed.
Sarah enjoyed possessing such an image because it was the most beautiful lie that she had ever told. She wasn't sweet; she was a murderer. She had killed her own mother…and another as well.
She attacked her own puffy flesh. The red thread that she had used the night before was being lost in the blood. It had been the only thread left in the house and she could not leave to go to the hospital. It would have only showed just how insolent she could be.
It wasn't his fault…it wasn't his fault…it wasn't….
Last night after her father had slashed her, she thought that she might die and there was no one around to tell her otherwise. Her mind had spun the situation into something far greater than what it was. Her wound wasn't that deep, there wasn't a pool of blood underneath her feet, and she was imaging those black spots in her vision.
He would never try to kill her…he had bore the burden of caring for her for sixteen years there was no reason to kill her now.
It hurt. It burn. It stung. She would not stop; not until it was numb.
There and then in her frantic state, she paused and looked up to find a woman standing before her. She was older, Sarah guessed maybe 30? She bore auburn colored curls that were small and in great multitudes and she was wearing a nurse's uniform.
Sarah instinctively tried to move away from here, while her brown eyes watched the woman cautiously. Without a word the woman knelt down and brought Sarah's arm gently closer to her.
Her eyes were fixed on the cut and she seemed to already know that it traveled up farther than what she could see. She pulled Sarah's sleeve up ever higher and saw that the cut began at the very top of her arm.
"You stitched this up yourself."
It wasn't a question but Sarah still answered.
"Yes."
"It's infected. Come on, I'll take you to the hospital."
Sarah drew back again. She couldn't let anyone know. It was one night and it would never happen again. She would behave herself; she would never let her mind get the best of her.
"No…no…I can't…" She heard herself tripping over her words and stopped speaking altogether.
The woman seemed to understand all at once why she was so hesitant to be assisted.
"Don't worry; I work at the Military Hospital. I'll clean up your wound and no one will ever know."
The thought of total anonymity enticed her, as did the look that this woman gave her. Sarah thought for a moment that it might be the way a mother looks upon their child.
Holding tightly to her bloodied wrist, Sarah pushed herself up. The woman smiled.
"…won't….won't you get in trouble?" She knew that civilians were not allowed to be treated at military run hospitals, unless they had been wounded by enemy combatants.
She didn't respond to this, as though Sarah's health mattered more to her than the consequences of treating a civilian.
"What's your name?" the woman asked
"Sarah Colt."
"Well Sarah, I'm Christine Hastings."
Listening carefully Sarah could make out the faint sound of footsteps coming closer to her doorway. It struck her as odd for by now she knew the comings and goings of those guarding the holding center and they were all men but these footsteps came with the unmistakable sound of high heels.
Sarah placed her now well wrinkled letter under her pillow and inched towards the bars of her cell.
Peering outward at a rather uncomfortable angle, she beheld a sigh of which she never thought she'd ever see.
"Sheska?"
Sheska and one of the guards, who had been posted near her cell, came walking towards her. Sarah tried to read Sheska's face but she was failing. Yes she appeared nervous and perhaps a tad overwhelmed but this was Sheska, she was always a fretful thing.
'Please don't hate me…please…not you too.'
When they reached Sarah's cell the guard addressed Sheska and warned her to stay away from the bars and that her time there was to be kept brief.
The guard then walked away but Sarah knew that he would be watching them the whole while.
She slowly prepared herself a lovely false smile but upon coming into contact with Sheska, she slipped up.
Sheska could plainly see the weariness in her eyes and the curved line that she thought was a "lovely smile" was nothing more than a twitch of her lips. Sarah didn't want to lie to her but she could not spill out the whole of the truth to her either.
"What happened?" she asked with great concern.
She said, "Haven't you heard? I've gone crazy." Saying that word out loud stung more than she thought it would.
'Is that what I am...crazy?'
There was something dubious about Sheska visiting her. It wasn't that she didn't trust Sheska but something was defiantly off. Sarah knew that she hadn't been cleared for having visitors and more importantly visitations were traditionally held in a separate room; somewhere a tad more private.
"I'm glad that you're here." Her lips curved upwards again, "I really am but I have to ask why?"
Sheska was surprised by such a question, "Because I'm worried about you, everyone is. Lieutenant Colonel Hughes found out that you haven't been eating; that's why I was allowed to come and see you."
Ah! There is was the full measure of the truth. This was no ordinary visit, this was an inspection. Sarah was thankful for Sheska's honesty, of course but this meant that she could not give her the same level of honesty or it would come back to bite her. Sarah was used to lying, though.
Sarah noticed how Sheska was just standing there with her horribly awkward stance; someone had clearly informed her of all that had happened and although Sheska was troubled by Sarah's predicament, she was equally troubled by all that she had done.
How much did they tell you?"
Something must have clicked in Sheska's mind for in spilt second she was off connecting the tiny fragmented dots out loud.
"Oh no you…you got the idea from the book I gave you; 'The Art of Confidence'." Horror claimed Sheska as she came to realize that she had played a part in all of this. "I…I…I told you that book didn't know what it was talking about. I'm sorry if it gave you the wrong idea…"
That was exactly what Sarah was trying to avoid; people blaming themselves for her actions. Yes, that book had opened up a locked away part of herself but that was the point; that horrible bold part had always been there. It had only needed the proper opportunity to escape into the open.
Falling in love had caused her to desire something for herself, for the first time and hearing her love laughing with another had driven her to madness.
Their laughing.
Their kissing.
Their twisted past.
"No Sheska…that's not why I did what I did."
She tried to put into words that a rational person might understand.
She tried to put into words that a rational person might understand.
"Have you…have you ever witnessed something horrible happen to a person you loved?"
To Sarah's surprise, Sheska responded with, "Yes, my mother."
"Your mother?" Sarah repeated, the words not entirely connecting in her mind.
"Yes…"
Sarah had for a moment forgotten her train of thought as something new had entered her mind.
"I've never had a mother…." There she went lying as she always did and it felt so wrong. Why did it feel so wrong? She had lied to Riza and Maria about this matter as well and it had not fazed her.
Sarah had known her mother, once…long, long ago
She jumped at Sheska with such eagerness, "Did your father beat her? Did he make you watch?"
Sheska was baffled by her sudden intensity.
"No…no…it was nothing like that."
And so while Sarah stood and lied about her mother and hid all of her horrible thoughts and plans away from the last human being who believed that she was but an innocent gone astray, Sheska spoke the truth of her mother and her life with all the honest shyness of a young child.
"Well you see when I was a baby my father left my mother, so it was always just the two of us. My mother was a school teacher and she would read to me every night and most of the time she read from books that were meant for adults. They were fascinating stories of love and deception, knights and battle, detectives and gruesome murders. She was so proud of how I would memorize everything. Every last word."
She paused for a moment her face oozing out pure nostalgia and joy.
"It was just the two of us and our growing book collection."
The joy began to fad and trepidation returned with a vengeance and sorrow.
"Then she started forgetting things. They were small things like forgetting to turn off the light or locking the front door. I've never forgotten anything but I was told that it was natural to forget a few things, especially when you get older. Then she started forgetting important things like to turn the oven off and how to read."
Another pause came and went. Sarah was still entranced by her words but could tell that she had caused Sheska to think of very painful things. There was no stopping her, though. She had to continue.
"I knew that she was getting sicker but I didn't want her to be in a hospital. I thought that since I was her daughter that I could take care of her just like she took care of me. I was the one reading the stories and cooking her meals. I could do it. One day I came home from my job at the library. I opened the door and my mother was standing there holding a frying pan and she tried to hit me. She didn't know who I was anymore."
Despite knowing that there was a guard but mere feet away from her cell, Sarah reached out and lightly cupped Sheska's hand for the briefest of moments.
"I'm sorry…I didn't know."
Sarah released Sheska's hand before the guard could take notice. Her previous thought process had returned to her.
"There was someone who was very much like a mother to me…"
As it turned out, it was only Christine's third day of working as a nurse in the Pendleton Military Hospital, for she had only recently moved into town. That was why Sarah had never seen her around before.
Sarah sat on an empty cot while Christine tending to her cut. As she went to open the peroxide, Sarah took notice of a small bruise that blemished Christine's wrist but she said nothing. It didn't mean anything; nothing at all.
"This is going to sting a bit." Christine warned but Sarah merely gave a slight nod but not to her words but rather to the comforting sound of her voice.
Was there such a thing as gentle strength? If so, Christine certainly possessed a great deal of it.
Once her cut was cleaned out thoroughly, she began to stitch it up. Sarah watched Christine's suturing skills and took note of what she had done wrong, which had first led it to become infected. Though it pained her greatly, she did her upmost not to cry out.
When Christine had finished, Sarah was finally able to speak, "Thank you." She was slow to get the words out but when they were uttered, they were uttered with the greatest of sincerity.
"Sarah, I know you're scared" she began, "but you need to tell me who did this to you."
Sarah lowered her head and turned away from Christine's grasp but Christine pulled Sarah's chin upwards with her thumb and forced her to maintain eye contact. The sudden and overwhelming desire to run and hide crept up on Sarah but there was no where to go; she was trapped.
"…No one did anything to me…"
"I'm not an idiot. Tell me, who did this to you."
"Her name was Christine and she helped me out in so many different ways. She protected me. She gave me a place to go when my father…." Sarah was cautious but desperately wanted her to know. She had to let her know. "…when my father was drinking. She even set aside money for me; she did all she could to get me far away from Pendleton."
Christine had wanted to be soldier when she was a child and had been prepared to begin training, when she met Henry. He convinced her not to join up but instead to marry him. He was charming and witty and handsome. It had all been too much for the naïve and adventurous Christine to see through. So they married.
They had come to Pendleton from up north near Fort Briggs. Christine still yearned to be close to the battlefield and so she took her training as a nurse and brought it to the front lines to help the injured soldiers.
Despite not being able to don an eppulate or medals, she was still a soldier and brave one at that, for she was actively involved in a war all on her own.
Only nobody knew.
"She was protecting me but I couldn't even see what was happening to her. All of those bruises and scars and I still couldn't see a thing. One day when I was 17, I went to her house, like I always did and there were all of these people croweded up outside. She had died. They brought her body out of the house and before they could cover her up, I saw the bruises around her neck. They said it was an accident. They said that she fell down the stairs and broke her neck. I know he did it. I knew then and I know it now."
Sarah tugged upon her arm.
"That's why I did what I did. I found out that someone I love was being abused and I couldn't have their lives end like Christine's had. I had to keep them safe, even if it meant breaking the law."
Sheska was about to ask what any of that had to do with stalking Riza, when she was pulled away by the guard, who told her that her time was up.
As Sheska was being led away, Sarah called out to her, "Goodbye."
It felt final and definate.
Sarah had wanted to be honest with Sheska but she didn't want too much information getting through to
Lieutenant Colonel Hughes. Sheska had claimed him to be a trustworthy and kind man but Sarah failed to see how that could be true with him being friends with Mustang.
Feeling guilty about not opening up with Sheska, despite it being the last time she would ever speak to her again. She made a request for more paper and pen.
She would say goodbye properly and give her one and only friend the absolute truth.
AN: I hope no one was too OOC and that bit about Sarah's mother will be shown later on.
I hope you were all able to tell where the flashbacks began and ended. I worked them in like that to show that Sarah's mind is flipping around quite a bit to accommodate her delusions.
Just to clarify Roy and Riza didn't breakup. Trust me they are now and will forever be together. It's just she has to be the responsible one and make sure he doesn't get killed and she figures that the best way to do this is to watch over him but from more of a distance. Plus I'm sure she doesn't want to piss off Sarah anymore than she already is.
I was extremely tempted to have Hughes talk to Sarah for a bit and show off his family photos but I decided against it. I've got something much better in mind *insert evil laugh*
Thank you: YesMyLord666, writer's legend 1, Mill Qs, Fmalover07, The Jade Empress, Guest, anon, XxXPeaceReaperXxX, Dragonfire Alchemist, WhiteFang72, .front, Grizz Lee, Anonymousgal, Brook Uchiha-Spark Alchemist, Yaiiiina, theowlinsomniac
Special Thanks to: Chain-Of-Souls for being awesome and pretty much nailing Sarah's past; go you! I like it when people make predictions about my stories.
And to Sammygirl1209 for giving me my 100th review, you have no idea how much that means to me!
Join us next time as Sarah makes her great escape