told you next chapter wouldn't take long! although the next will :(

once again, thanks to my beta for...well...beta'ing!

umm... this is a little different to what i normally write, so your reviews are realy important to me this time! especially as i've done the next chapter in a similar way...

in case anyone is interested (and i have included this near the end of this chapter), the song is Lost by Michael Buble, and i really reconmend giving it a listen, as it's really good and i personally think it sums up the situation of Rose and the Doctor brilliantly! seriously, listen to it!
- if you don't know how to get it, just type the song name and the artist into google and you should get a link to the lyrics/a youtube vid/somewhere to listen to it/somewhere you can download it. and you can do that for almost ANY song! mostly free, but some sites will cost, just navigate away from those and try a different link if you would prefer not to pay!

enjoy! review! all the usual stuff! x

The Doctor walked absentmindedly along the long TARDIS corridor, humming a tune he couldn't quite put a name to under his breath. Not that I'd want the lyrics right now, he thought, letting the soft, slow rhythm flow from his lips. He didn't realise until too late outside of which room he had just stopped.

Slowly, he reached out a hand and trailed his fingers along the dark wood of a room he hadn't been in for so long. Not since Donna.

For a while he considered turning round, just continuing on his way to the control room. He didn't have to go in. Didn't have to remember. Not now. Not yet. He could wait. Wait for the pain to subside again. Wait and bury her underneath an avalanche of other thoughts once he'd found someone else--because he would find someone else. He always did. But he knew trying not to think about her was a different thing entirely from actually not thinking about her. And, actually, not thinking about her had always proved to be a little more difficult than not thinking about something else. She was better than his memories, and she deserved to be remembered.

With that thought firmly in his head, the Doctor allowed his hand to slip down the doorframe, resting on the cold, unused handle. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

Even as he stepped into the room, the mere familiarity of the whole thing almost made him slam the door closed. He wanted to run. Wanted to hide. Wanted to be anywhere but there. Yet still, he continued inside, pulling the door gently closed behind him.

He missed her.

He had missed her the first time he lost her, when she had said forever. Well, forever got us good, didn't it Rose! And he had gotten over it. Sure, it had taken him time, and he still thought about her pretty much every day, but he didn't wallow in self-pity. Donna had been a big help. So had Martha, but Donna had been the best. Martha had just . . . reminded him too much. Reminded him of his loss.

It should be easier this time, he thought, sinking onto her bed. The bed where she used to sleep. The bed she would sit on and write in her diary. The bed where she had, once, after a very bad dream, fallen asleep in his arms.

He leant on the wall behind him, his finger trailing the etching he had found ages ago. Dug deep into the wood at the head of the bed, four words still stood out perfectly. Doctor, I love you. It had made both his hearts stop the first time he had found it, and it had proved to be a sort of comfort to him during the years they had spent apart. And now? Now, he didn't feel anything. He was just numb. He didn't know what to think. What to feel. They all have someone else. Now he realised the truth of his words, the meaning they held for him. They all have someone else. And they always will. He had always thought she would be different. She would be the one he got to keep. The one who didn't have someone else, the one who had him. But not anymore.

He pulled himself off the bed. He was alone. Again. And it was time he dealt with it. He was meant to be alone. He understood that now. That's why his double was made. Because he had to be alone, but Rose would never have let him be. She wouldn't want anyone other than him. Her little inscriptions were enough to prove that.

All over the TARDIS, in random places, Rose's messy handwriting stood out clean and clear. Everywhere. She was always there. Her little messages for her Doctor. Little surprises. Just when he thought he had found them all, he would stumble into a room he hadn't been in for ages, and there would be another. They never ran out. And they all said something different. But it was the one on her bed that really stood out for him.

She had always been ready, he thought with a smile. The first proper smile he had smiled in an age. Funny, how she could do that to him. Even when she wasn't there, she could bring a smile to his lips in the darkest times.

He walked out of the room and closed the door silently behind him.

Can't believe it's over,I watched the whole thing fall,
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall.

If I only knew,The days were slipping past,
That the good things never last,And you were crying,

All of a sudden, the Doctor remembered the words of the song he had been humming earlier, and why.

She'll be worried. She won't know what to do. He had thought she would be good, she would be safe, happy, she would be with him, effectively. It won't be enough. She deserves so much more, and this is all I can offer her.

The memory of her with a large gun came, unbidden into his head as the TARDIS picked up on his thoughts and played the next verse throughout the ship.

Summer turned to winter,
The snow it turned to rain,
And the rain it turned to tears upon your face.
I hardly recognise,
The girl you are today,
And, god, I hope it's not too late.
It's not too late.

He wanted to reach out, to tell her it was okay. To tell her to move on, to love the man he left her with. She won't let me go, he realised with a sickening lurch. It wasn't that he wanted her to forget him, it was just that he wanted her to be happy, to live a good, fulfilling life. The life he had always wanted to give her.

Cuz you are not alone,
I'm always there with you,
And we'll get lost together,
Until the light comes pouring through.
And when you feel like you're done,
And the darkness has won,
Babe, you're not lost.
When your world's crashing down,
And you cannot bear to fall,
I said, babe, you're not lost.

He continued to think about Rose as he made his way back to the control room, memories flooding his head and tears he could never cry rushing to fill his eyes.

He wanted her to know that he was always with her. That, if she let him, his double could be more for her than he ever was. It would take some time, but surely she would know that he would never have left her there if there had been another way.

He wanted her happy. Wanted her safe. Wanted to give her all the things he never could. Never would. That's why he left her. And he needed her to know that.

He leant against the control console, images floating in front of his eyes. Just moments, brief seconds from times when he was truly happy. And then they were gone, replaced by another time, another smile, another hand in his. Always the same woman standing next to him. Always the same tinkling laughter that could stop and restart either of his hearts at will. The same blonde hair that he would never, ever forget.

He closed his eyes as the song came to an end.

I said, baby, you're not lost.

His eyes jumped open again, however, as a cool, metallic voice sounded once the song had completely faded to nothing.

That was Michael Buble - Lost - dedicated to Rose Tyler, from her Doctor.

He had heard that voice before, many times. It was the voice the TARDIS sometimes used when she deemed her usual beeps and humming not enough.

Another voice sounded. One that stopped one of his hearts and made the other pound frantically at the same time. One that could only mean one thing.

Um, yes . . . attention passengers, we have just arrived over England. If you look to your right, you can just about see the lights of London coming into view. We shall be landing shortly. Thank you for choosing British Airways, and we hope you are having a pleasant flight.

The Doctor looked at the TARDIS engine, speechless. "But . . . how did you . . . ?"

And somehow, somewhere, he was sure the TARDIS was grinning.

.o0o0o

A million miles, two years, and a parallel universe away, Rose Tyler sat bolt upright as her name came over the speakers, soon followed by a slightly confused announcement that, Rose was sure, wasn't really needed.

"Did you?" she asked, turning to Alonzo, who's shoulder, until the song had come on, she had been slowly falling asleep on.

He responded to her half-asked question with a look of bewilderment to match hers, and a slow shake of the head.

Rose turned to a hostess, who was walking past selling food and drinks to the people on board the plane, and stopped her.

"Excuse me, but could you tell me what that was all about?" Rose asked, politely.

"Um, that would be the pilot letting you know that you're nearly home," the hostess replied, slightly sarcastically.

Rose sighed heavily, "Not the announcement, the song."

"Oh! Well, from what I could make of it, it was a song about a man telling his lover that she's not lost, even though she far away from where he is . . ." she trailed off at the look Rose was giving her. Once she was quiet again, Rose spoke.

"No. Look, I'm Rose Tyler, and I would very much like to know what that was all about!"

"Right. Sorry. If I'm honest, I have no idea! We're not supposed to play music at all during the flight, as some people don't like it, let alone take requests. Whoever this Doctor is, he must be very persuasive to get the pilot to play that for him. Actually, I didn't even know we had it on board! He must have brought it on himself . . . although he probably shouldn't have."

Rose sat back, unable to believe that it was him. "Thank you." She nodded, dismissing the woman who, despite her lousy start, had given her a little information.

"Oh! He is brilliant!" Alonzo declared, grinning, once the air hostess had walked off to serve some other person. Rose just sat there, a blank expression on her face. The song had just confused her. She had only just begun to accept that Alonzo wasn't the Doctor--could never be the Doctor, not properly--and here it was, the Doctor, doing the impossible, telling her he was with him. She didn't know what to think anymore. "You alright Rose?"

"Yeah," she breathed, not wanting to tell him what was going through her head. "I'm just a little tired, is all."

He nodded, and then smiled, slipping his arm around her. He pulled her to rest her head back on his shoulder so she could sleep a little more before touchdown in London.

Rose let her head drop to his shoulder, her eyes suddenly heavy. She could remember her last thought before she fell into a—thankfully--dreamless sleep. Is he with me or not? And that thought stayed with her until she was tucked up in her own bed in the Tyler mansion.

Just as she was about to fall back to sleep for the second time that night, Rose remembered the last line of the song: baby, you're not lost. But the only thing she knew for certain was this: Yes I am, Doctor! I'm lost and I'm confused! And you're not here!