I don't know how much I stayed there standing in front of the window. I kept starring at the way they left. I just starred.
I didn't cry I just stayed there watching this place, without thinking. I didn't want to think. Thinking was not good. Thinking wouldn't help me right now. No one would help me right now.
There was a hole in my heart that no one could heal. There was pain that I couldn't explain. It was like everything I fought for was lost. Everything I believed in was gone away, in the same way they went, without me. Like they didn't want me. Like their preference of my absence.
It hurt to think that my husband preferred more someone else. It hurt so much to say her name. It hurt accepting that she was the one he wanted, not me.
He may like my body, but that wasn't enough to tie him with me. This will never be enough.
It felt so bad that he ignored me like that. It hurt so bad…
Right now I would do anything for him, if just he wanted to mend our relationship.
I stayed there till it got dark and I couldn't see anything else. There were no tears shed. Suddenly I felt very cold.
I couldn't stop thinking, what were they dong right now.
Was he kissing her?
Would he sleep with her tonight?
Of course he will. Don't hang on stupid hopes Bella. She is his lover. She is the reason he can't stay with you. She is the reason he just wants your body and nothing more. She is the reason you will never be happy with him.
But was she really the reason of my problems? I didn't think so. She was not the source of my problems. It was my behaviour and my position here the source of every problem I had. It was this stupid hate that would not let Edward love me. She was no one. She is no one.
At this moment I felt my tears passing my cheeks. She was someone indeed. She was the one he loved. That gave her a lot of power. This is why she always had this air of authority. That's why the women in the court were whispering when I was talking to her.
They all knew who she was and what she meant to Edward. Probably he would have married her, if he hadn't been forced to marry me.
I was really tired of everything. I felt as I couldn't understand anything right now. I just felt dizzy and sad. I felt my legs walking on their accord. They weren't more commanded by me. They had their own mind. It was my heart that was directing them toward my secret room. In few second I was in front of the door. I pushed lightly at the door in the wall and the door opened.
My lovely room was the only place that could give the peace I needed so much. I loved this room so much. It was like here I was protected from everything and everyone.
I lied in my bed hugging my pillows.
I could feel as the tears sere crossing my cheeks and falling in the pillow. I don't know how much time passed till I felt someone's presence in my room.
I had forgotten the door opened. I hated that someone else would know my secret place.
As I turned to see who was, I got a big surprise.
Jacob was stay by my bed with a worried face.
''What is wrong Princess?" He asked with a solemn voice.
''Nothing I just miss my parents'' I answered quickly wanting to erase his doubts.
He didn't look convinced by my explanation but didn't comment."'So did you write the letter for you parent?'' he asked me. '' I am going tomorrow to Forks. You parents would be very happy to have a letter from you.''
''I am sorry I forgot. But I am going to write it right now so you can send it to them.''
''Everything you wish Princess.'' He said.
'' I heard there was a haunting trip today.'' He said.
Oh no. Please stop. God tell me he is not talking about it. Why does he have to open my wounds one more time?
''Why aren't you in this trip also?'' he asked me all surprised.
I didn't have the courage to answer. I was afraid that I was going to tart to cry. He would tell this to my parent and they would be worried about me.
''Princess you know that is not wise to decline the invitation of your husband to a trip like that''
Please stop. Please don't talk about it. My mind kept screaming, but my voice didn't come.
''This trip cold have been very helpful with your relationship with him''
I just put my hands in my ears and tried not hear him but it was impossible. I couldn't erase his voice from my mind.
''You have to show who you are and what is your status in this court''
STOP, STOP, my mind was creaming out-laud.
''You know that your husband can take this as a personal refusal and can feel bad''. He didn't have time to finish his sentence, when I started to scream.
"He would feel bad?!"
''You think he would feel bad''
''Answer me? Do you think he would feel bad because of me?" I was creaming so much that I couldn't recognise myself. I was trembling.
I saw his surprised face, but he didn't say anything."'Let me tell you something Duke Jacob'' I got nearer him as I spoke.
''He isn't interested in me at all!
''He doesn't care about me!''
''He would rather have another wife.''
''He hates me!''
''And the best he would prefer me dead''
I was screaming and crying at the same time.
''That is the reality. For him is the same if I am dead or alive.''
He came near and hugged me. While hugging him I told him the words that were ringing in my ears. For him is the same if I am dead or alive.
For him is the same if I am dead or alive.
For him is the same if I am dead or alive.
Here is chapter 10.
so, how did Bella take the news that Edward has a misstres?
What do you think about Jacob?
Sadly no one found what I asked last chapter. Just one got very near to it.
-E