You're going to kill me, readers.

Chapter 10

I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Finally. I must have been delirious again. I thought I was actually dying, that my body was finally sending me away after the weeks of starvations and pains. I could feel the light burning in my eyes, and hear the voices. I tried to move towards them, but it was like I was locked in limbo. I couldn't move. It reminded me of the morphine that felt like months ago, when I was pinned down by my own weight. And then I became too weak for my own weight.

But anyway- the light- the voices- I was convinced this was finally it. And I felt such euphoria, such relief at death that I did the stupid thing. I opened my eyes.

The lights were bright and flashing past my eyes, past my head. My eyes couldn't adjust- I had been in the dark for too long. My eyes hurt to open, so I shut them again.

Then I realised I hadn't died. I was moving. I could hear voices. Right next to my ears- they could even be talking to me, but I couldn't understand them. At least something was happening! If I wasn't dying I was either going to be tortured again, be killed or… I didn't know. But anything but locked in that horrible room, waiting to starve to death. I kept coughing, someone was carrying me and it was upsetting my stomach and throat. I thought I might heave. The rocking motion was making me nauseous.

I tried with everything I had left to understand the voices, but I just couldn't. I could barely see when I opened my eyes- I must have been on the edge of dying, my senses were so dull. My brain felt almost indifferent to the events- as if it didn't care. I was having all kinds of contrasting emotions struggling against each other- lack of feeling, lack of emotion and indifference to what was happening yet the euphoria that finally something was happening, that I wouldn't remain in limbo. There was the new budding hope that, maybe I wasn't going to die, maybe there was hope, and this was trying to grow in the thick soil of depression that I had not died when I could have, that I was going to last longer, endure more pain. My life was going to carry on- a fact that made my heart beat faster with hope but my mind sink with horror.

Then the rocking stopped, and the lights weren't as bright. I heard the voices again, and they were a little more distinguishable. In fact, I thought there was maybe just the one voice, quite low and urgent. I tried to concentrate on it, to understand it, but it was hopeless. They muttered something else, and then stopped. I wasn't moving any more- I hadn't noticed. Someone had put me down.

Abandoned again, I thought. But it wasn't as cold here. I waited and began to wonder if I had been abandoned again or my mind was playing tricks on me.

But then the voice returned, and my senses were a little better. I could taste whatever they were pouring down my throat, or manually making my jaws chew. I was finally being fed, but I was too weak to do it myself or enjoy it.

After I was too full of food- and I hadn't been eating for long, my stomach must have shrunk, I got the feeling that someone was holding me, soothing me. I could hear the voice again. I was even under the impression that I could have understood them, if only I wasn't so… tired…

When I woke up I found I could open my eyes and see again. Someone had lifted the veil, and the mist was gone. My hearing wasn't back, but I was so relieved I could see. If I wasn't going to die, I wasn't going to live in a black world. I wasn't being held any more. But I was lying in a bed, a real comfortable bed, that was so comfortable to me I might have imagined the arms holding me tight last night. The room I was in was definitely a cell still. It had four grey stone walls, with a steel door but it had a window, and I was immediately enthralled. Light, sunlight! I scrambled up to peer through it, but my body fell in a limp heap on the floor. I didn't have the energy yet, despite my excitement. But it made me smile, and I didn't take my eyes of the ray of light as I sat up again, and watched it, spellbound.

The door handle clicked, and then someone came into the room. I recognised him immediately. He had dark Italian skin and long black hair. It was the driver.

"Thank God you're up now. I was worried you were in a coma. Do you want some more food? It's Bella, isn't it? Or would you prefer I didn't call you that?" I recognised his voice too. It had kept me going when I couldn't see. I tried to reply, but my throat was too dry, and I didn't know what to say anyway, in the face of my rescuer. He surveyed me, thinking.

"I'll call you Bella then. I'm Jacob Black, and that's all you need to know, or can know, for now. We have about an hour. I'm going to give you breakfast, and then you won't see me till then." He was carrying some buttered toast and water, and I tried to lift my hands to take them but my grip was weak and I couldn't manage. "It's all right, I'll do it."

I hated feeling so weak, but he was being nice about it, instead of patronising, and he seemed to know how frustrated I was by my own weakness. All too soon I was finished and he put a hand on my shoulder for a moment, his eyes on mine, before getting up and leaving. I watched him go, but then the panic set in.

It must have been post-traumatic stress. Every part of my heart believed him, he was going to come back for me, I wasn't abandoned again but my mind, cynical with hardship, started to panic about being left again. Was I going to die? Again? It felt like I'd come back from death, life was going to provoke me again, see how far it could push me. I didn't want to live. What did I have left? Tears I thought had long dried out came flooding over again, and I found I was hyperventilating and sobbing, both in fear and relief. Then I heard a voice which caught my breath and made me stop.

"Bella?" It was a high, tinkling voice, but it didn't come from outside the door. It came from the other side of the wall.

I didn't answer, suspicious immediately. I was trying to restrain my breathing, still ragged from sobbing.

"It's okay, it's Alice Brandon. You've heard of me, I'm Edward's sister."

"Alice… Brandon?" I whispered in shock. I had to be dreaming. Or dead. I never figured she'd be… well, actually alive. She sounded real, fine, even bright and hopeful.

"That is Bella, isn't it? Bella Swan. I knew I'd meet you today."

"How?" I murmured in my croaking voice.

"I knew. I'm a bit weird like that, I don't know why. I've always been like that, don't worry. This place hasn't turned me insane… though it gave me a good try. It probably made things clearer, though. All this time to look."

I had no idea what she was talking about.

"But you've seen Edward- and Carlisle and Rosalie and Emmett! How are they? They're all still well, right? And you've met- but I shouldn't ask yet. I haven't got long- how's my family?"

Her concern for her family might have shocked me if I hadn't known the Cullens. So family orientated… it was quite clever in a way, maybe stronger ties were an advantage.

"Um, they're okay, I think." My eyes welled up for some incomprehensible reason, "but I left Edward in bad condition…"

"Yes I know! I laughed so hard, but he deserved it… He recovered fine, I think." There was a sly tone to the aftermath, as if she knew how much I had been thinking about him. How did she know so much? Had she heard from him? I remembered the notes about physic talent… but no-one was that good. Had she gone mad from isolation?

"How long have you been here?" I asked nervously.

"In this cell? Well, at first I wasn't put in here." She paused, as if deciding whether to carry on. "I was kept in a nicer room, it wasn't a cell at all. They said I would be okay if I answered some questions. But… well, you see I have these fits. And I can't help them, but the Volturi thought I was mocking them. I seriously couldn't help it, but I often feel drained after them, and sometimes what I see affects me. They didn't like it, and they started to pressure me more. And I didn't tell them anything- you'll understand why. Loyalty kicks in, no matter how much pressure you're under. How are your… scars?" I blinked. No-one except Jacob Black had seen the new ones yet. Maybe she saw them when I was being carried in…

"Painful. And infected. I might need an amputation." I whispered the last part- it was a fear I had been burying deep in my mind but I knew that if I was to survive anyone who tried to treat my leg would consider amputation.

"Don't worry, Bella. You'll be fine." Though I didn't believe her, I did take comfort from her assured tone.

"When did you get here?" I asked.

"They locked me up after a few of these fits, I don't know how long ago. It feels like months but my timings probably off. I should be recording the days but I didn't start when I should've." She sounded so normal, was talking so familiarly, as if we'd known each other for years and had just met up for a chat. "What did you think of Edward?"

"He's…" I had no words to describe him, or the strange feelings I had about him. "your brother isn't he? What do you think of him?" A short laugh showed me my sidestep hadn't gone unnoticed.

"He's one of the kindest people I know, apart from Carlisle. He was always the most understanding, and he was very protective of me." She laughed. I'd almost forgotten what a laugh sounded like.

"I found he was very… pushy." I said. Alice laughed again. I drank in the sound. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing." She giggled quietly.

"You know what I'm talking about, don't you?" I said, thinking about the kisses.

"Yes." She stopped laughing.

"How?"

"I just do. Don't blame him for it, it's just… Well, he likes you a lot. And sees himself in you, I think."

"You think?"

"Well, I don't know for sure, but I know him pretty well. How's Carlisle? Still missing Mum?" I thought about my answer before I said it, and even then they surprised me.

"Desperately. He is so determined to find her again…" Alice sighed.

"He and Edward are so similar. What about Rosalie and Emmett?" She asked.

"They're… well, I didn't like them. Emmett kidnapped me, and Rosalie encouraged… Edward. She wasn't very… I don't know. But she was the only one who acted like I would expect."

"She hasn't changed much then. But she's just territorial of her family."

"I wasn't much of a threat, Alice." I reasoned.

"You'll see."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Stop worrying, Bella."

"I'm not, you just tell me what the hell you're on about!"

"It's fine, Bella. And Jacob will be back in twenty seconds and then you'll leave." I didn't believe her.

"Do you think you'll ever get out?"

"Don't worry, Bella. You'll get out soon. He's coming back for you even now. You'll be out before me."

"Can't you come with me? I won't leave you here."

"We can try."

Right on time- I was still confused about this- Jacob opened my door.

"Come on, we have about twenty minutes to get you out of the building. I've bribed a cleaner- you're going to need to get inside the collecting bin. I'm sorry, but it's the least suspect way to get you out."

"Is there any way we can get Alice Brandon out too?" Jacob looked at me.

"The girl next door? We can try but I'll have to come back for her- which means less time for you."

"Bella? Leave me here. Take me for my word, I'll be out soon." Alice called through the wall. "Taking me will hinder your escape. Go." I looked at Jacob, torn. I nodded.

"I won't leave you here, Alice. I'll come back, I promise." I said, trying to get up. "Please try to get her out, Jacob Black." I whispered, trying not to imagine how it would be felt to be left again. My leg gave way, so Jacob picked me up and took me outside, where he lowered me into a bin. I wouldn't have fit if I hadn't been so thin, and I was squished and uncomfortable.

I didn't hear or see anything after the bin started moving, so I had to assume things were going all right. When the lid opened and I was lifted out, I was put in the back of a van and Jacob shut the doors, before hurrying back into the building. I prayed that he would manage to get Alice out.

Some indescribable spark of friendship had been struck between us, I could just feel it from her sardonic tone and understanding sighs. She wasn't nearly as down to earth or cynical as me, and she hadn't given up like I had. And her strange… psychic claims made me uneasy. But she must have been used to that.

But I could already feel close to her in a way I had not with any other person in my life. It was as new a feeling as my feelings for Edward, completely new but gripping and interesting. But I wasn't seeing any negative connotations with friendship as I could with lust.

Friendship couldn't be that much of a weakness- could it? My younger self would beg to differ, I was sure, but I was getting older and understanding people more now. Part of me could see the tiny world I had believed I lived in, and how false that view was.

So I prayed that I would be lucky enough to enjoy her friendship, because I would hate to take up my promise and return to the hellhole of the Volturi. I would have to, because as Alice said, loyalty was a strong Italian instinct that we couldn't resist. I wouldn't go back on the only promise I made to my only friend.

But then someone threw open the van door and slammed it, immediately shoving the engine into gear and shooting off. I rolled around the floor before picking myself up to see that it was Jacob at the wheel- alone. I should have known. My luck could never last that long. I should have been glad to be getting away. But Alice's tone and certainty of her fate should have warned me not to get my hopes up- she knew she wouldn't get away that day.

I could only see the sky from where I was in the van, and I didn't have the strength to get up. But I heard a sigh of relief,

"You're out." I shuddered in relief. But I knew it wasn't over yet- someone would find out soon what had happened and we would be followed soon. Jacob increased the speed as if he knew what I was thinking.

Where was he taking me? Who was he? And why was he helping me? He was endangering his own life, getting me out when I was close to dying- when I had no reason to live. It might have been kinder for him to just kill me. I didn't get this obsession with life- what did I have to live for?

"Shit." Couldn't have lasted long. We had only been driving for a minute at most when I heard the screech of tyres and the reckless motion of the van tossed me across the floor. I needed something to hold onto- or this rocking was going to knock me out.

"How many?" I asked.

"I can only see one at the moment- but it's just following us for now. I bet they're going to either track or corner me." His voice was strained- I wondered if he was lying.

"Is it worth it?" I asked.

"It was worth it to start with and it's worth it now." He muttered, his eyes darting between the road and the mirrors. "But even if it wasn't, we're both dead if we get caught now."

He made another sharp turn, and my head rolled back on my neck and I heard a painful click. Distracted for a moment my hand let go of the cargo strap I'd been clinging to- and I swung across the floor, cracking my head on the side of the van. Something white flashed in front of my eyes before something blunt and blank filled my head.

"Get up, Bella!" Oh, my head. It was like my brain was spinning in my head. I tried to get up, orientate myself, but something heavy in my brain twinged so I stayed where I was. "Bella, get up now!"

"I'm… awake…" I mumbled, not sure if it was audible.

"No, Bella, get over here now! We might need to jump out- I need you by a door!" The voice called. I tried to get up again, ignoring the thumping pain. I tried to get up onto my knees, but either my balance or the van shoved me sideways, onto the ground again.

"Now!" He cried in desperation. I crawled to the front of the van, and to my alarm I saw two black SUVs next to either window, and I could hear a rhythmic thumping from outside. It took me a moment to realise it sounded like a helicopter.

"How on earth am I… going to su-… survive jumping?" I slurred.

"It's only a precaution, but we need it there. Anyway, you shouldn't have concussion in your condition. If it looks like we're-" He suddenly braked hard, then turned a sharp left, smacking my head on the window, but he'd lost the two SUVs. He was now driving so fast I thought he would lose control.

"Where are we going?" I asked, it didn't look like we were going to get rid of the helicopter.

"The city. The helicopter can't trace us there if we swap vehicles."

"How long will that take?" I asked.

"Uh-" he took another sharp turn, just as I caught sight of an SUV in the mirror. "Two hours at most- but at this speed-" He swore loudly as a car came down the middle of the narrow road, straight towards us. He didn't turn, but ploughed straight towards it.

"What the-" I shrieked.

"This van can take it." He cried, but the other car swerved off the road just before impact. The van hit the side of it, threatening to shove it off the road, but Jacob braked just as he threw the wheel over, skilfully stopping the van before he jammed his foot on the accelerator and we launched forward again. I wondered if Jacob was high, because no ordinary person would have the skill to get away with that kind of driving. But though his eyes were wild, I didn't think he was.

I was beginning to feel safe with him. Well, not safe. I hadn't felt safe since before the kidnap. But I felt that if I could trust anyone- if anyone could make me feel safe- this was him. He didn't have allegiances to either of the parties in my life… I saw him as a nomad, like me. And there was something about the way his eyes were intuitively jumping from the mirror to the road… to me, and the power he was inspiring in the van that made something in me move, like a tide of admiration.

And… he wasn't… bad looking. But I stopped that thought in it's tracks. I knew enough about those feelings now to know they were painful and futile. I had enough self-control to deny them, didn't I? I didn't equal any happiness in that part of my life. If I was ever going to have a life.

His muscles rippled under his russet skin, and I forced myself to look away. Yes, he was attractive. I could admit that without admitting an attraction. I didn't know him.

Yet he was the only person who seemed to care about me enough to get me out. There must have been some connection there, and I wondered what it was.

Somewhere in my thoughts, Jacob sighed in relief.

"We're in the city." I looked around. We were turning off a motorway I hadn't even realised we were on- into an area with high buildings and lots of shops. I couldn't see anything of the SUVs from earlier, and the helicopter was forced to fly higher with the skyscrapers.

"Now, Bella, listen. We're going to need to change vehicles. At the moment- it's going to be onto bikes- are you okay with that?" For a moment, I didn't realise what he meant. Then- motorbikes.

"Well, I'm not sure I'll be able to hold on… I'm not at my strongest at the moment."

"I'll strap you to me if I have to- it's the fastest way to get around here. We're going to stay the city overnight-"

"Overnight? Is that safe?" I interrupted.

"No, it isn't, but if we're going to make any progress tomorrow, which we will, you and I need to be well-rested and- well, you need the strength. But don't worry, I know where we can stay." He pulled off into an alley as he said that, and I got out, my legs shaking beneath me. I hated being so weak. Jacob was right. He held my upper arm to steady me, then changed his mind and curled his arm around my back, holding me up as he started walking. I didn't dislike the proximity, and it was helping me stay upright.

He was walking very quickly. He was also supporting all of my weight, so my feet were barely touching the ground. He was leading me down the side streets expertly- he really knew his way around. We also only saw two people, so he must have chosen his route carefully. A couple of times I felt like I was going to faint- I really loathed my body at those moments- and he paused to let me recover. But then carried on faster. I kept feeling him turn his head to the skies briefly, to look for helicopters.

At one point we stopped, and I was very confused. He took me inside a tiny clothes store and bought a cardigan, a hat and a brown jacket. He put the cardigan and hat on me. I was almost too weak to understand. He donned the jacket before we started walking again. We stopped again after about an hour. It was beginning to get dark.

"We're going to stay here for the night, okay?" He asked, and I looked up at the small hotel that blended in with the rest of the tall, narrow street. I'd been in worse. I crashed straight after being shown a room, and had a fitful sleep before being woken at eight, so my clock said. Jacob had sat on the bed, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"You need to eat. They have a small bar downstairs." This surprised me, but I was hungry. I was also feeling better.

It was a very small bar, but we ordered sandwiches and sat at the only table. I then asked the question that had kept arising in my peaceless sleep.

"Why are you helping me? Who are you?" Jacob looked at me for a while before murmuring very quietly.

"I work for the Cullens." I was sure my shock appeared on my face, but Jacob appeared not to register it.

All the hope that had built against my will, all the tentative speculations about my future dissipated. The Cullens. I was being tossed from one organisation to another- what was I, a baseball?

The fear was increasing again now, and Jacob must have seen it in my eyes.

"Don't worry, Bella. I won't let anything happen to you." The sincerity was deep in his eyes, and I almost believed him.

"How can I trust you?" I whispered. But the real question was, how can I trust anyone? The barman put the sandwiches on the bar, so I collected them and sat back down, wolfing mine down. Seeing this, Jacob pushed his to me wordlessly.

"Bella, I know what it's like to feel like you belong to both of them. I can't go back now. Every step I take I have to take knowing that's the direction I'll have to take for the rest of my life, and every step shortens my life. And I have other ties. I have my family, and my old friends, who I hide in the back of my mind and hope my work doesn't put them in danger. My life is like a river- it doesn't stop anywhere, and when it carves out a path it has to take it.'

'And you, I've been assigned to you for such a long time. The kidnap plan came into shape four years ago, and I was brought in then. I started work for the Volturi, and pushing myself to the place I needed to be- your driver on that night. I wouldn't blame you for hating me for the part I've played in turning your life upside down, but I assure you I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't thought it was for the greater good. For you, I mean. I guess you barely noticed me in all the time we spent together over the last few years, but I know you very well now. I've committed my life to this world- of crime and deception. I've never seen anyone like you, not even Edward and Alice.'

'Protecting you has become the point of my life. I never had a say in the Volturi's decisions about you- but I stood outside the door where they were torturing you for countless nights, and I heard your screams. I couldn't do anything, but I knew we'd get you out someday. But every scar you have,' And he ran his warm finger down the inside of my forearm, which was resting on the table, 'I feel personally guilty for, as if it was me who carved your life to be this hellhole of pain.'

'I've stopped seeing you as the vulnerable girl though. I stopped that early last year, when you first spoke to me. I don't imagine you remember it, you were drugged on painkillers from the torture at the time. You were about to sleep, I think, and I'd carried you back to your room after they gave you this,' he didn't touch me this time, just caressed the air above the burn on my shoulder, hidden by the cardigan, as if it disgusted him.

'I asked if you needed something, and you snapped back 'I don't need any help. I don't need anything.' You probably thought nothing of it, and neither would I if my career wasn't centred around you. I bet this sounds quite creepy to you, knowing I was so close and always watching, but I realised then that you needed anything, because you had nothing. You became a lot more sociable in the last year, preparing for the meeting, but then you were still a child, at least in my eyes, and you were nasty to everyone because everyone was nasty to you.'

"No, they weren't. I don't remember that." I said, confused. What was this guy on about?

"Where did you get those scars, Bella? Are they the marks of kind people?"

"And who are kind people in this world, Jacob? The Cullens?" I spat.

"The Cullens made a lot of wrong decisions with you. The first being Edward. I was furious about that. I had quite a lot to say about you with the Cullens, because I was their insider. They let me help make decisions, because I was the only one who knew you. But Edward was a last minute decision- I bet it was Rosalie's- and I was too caught up in 'helping' the Volturi's search for you to find out about it until after- and you were gone by then."

"What are you talking about?"

This man should have frightened me, he knew so much about me. But I was used to my life being out for everyone to see- the scars said most of it. And this man intrigued me. There was something compelling about the way he leaned in to talk to me, and the way his voice got deeper and quieter when he was overcome with emotion, that drew me in. Dangerous, I knew, but I couldn't help it. At some point while he was talking, the bartender asked if we wanted drinks, and I asked for some spirits. I wanted to drown away the current insecurity in my feelings.

"Edward Cullen. Oh, come on, you must have noticed." I knew what he was talking about, but I didn't understand how it related to the conversation. "He was told to get close to you."

The blow was blunt, and almost painless at that moment, but it was a blow all the same. It was like a wound that my body was killing the pain of, and that I would feel the wrath later. He was told to get close to me. He was told to create the strange, hormonal… romantic feelings I began to get for him. The first kiss… I just about knew as much. He told me it was Rosalie's idea. But due to my stupid teenage reactions I clung to it- even though I knew it was opening myself up for torture. I hadn't had any affection before- and it must have been obvious. So they exploited me. I got our drinks, and immediately downed mine, asking for more. The burning down my throat intensified the anger I was feeling, and… the betrayal.

"I guess it was… their own form of torture…" Jacob was saying. I wasn't listening any more. I felt betrayed… and I couldn't understand why. Had I really put my feelings on the line for Edward? No. The only claim I had to him, well, about him, was that he was the one who made my pain in the Volturi bearable. But the attention he had given me… the looks… the determination that caused him to chase after me and kiss me… trying to persuade me to stay. I'd never understood that, and avoided thinking about it… why had he run after me? And despite trying to avoid thinking about it, I had hoped… I had hoped that he had really wanted me to stay. That for once, someone had wanted me… And that was why I felt betrayed. That his kisses were nothing but a tool to make me stay. He may not have even liked me at all. I sank back another one of my drinks, gesturing for more. Jacob tried to protest, saying about my health, but I needed something to distract me. Besides, I'd never got drunk before.

Would I ever know what it felt like to be wanted? It felt stupid, asking that… because there were two organisations practically fighting over me. But I had felt wanted, for the first time in my life… And the only? Suddenly I realised it wasn't. It couldn't be the only. Because I had someone here- in front of me- who was willing to brave the terrible luck that stalked me, and save me from it. Here was someone who might actually care about me- and who was proving it.

But the cynical voice in my head told me that he was only doing it because he worked for the Cullens, or he was part of a bigger plan to punish me again- who knew what the Cullens would do when I got back? My heart was convincing me otherwise- giving me hope again. Hope for a better life- and happiness. That alien word which might as well never had meaning to me. I didn't think, at that moment, that I'd ever felt it. Could this be the man strong enough to show it to me?

"- the power they would hold over you. I never properly got the reasons. Rosalie told me, and by the sound of it she convinced them it would be a good way to hold you there, to make you trust them and want to stay there. Didn't you think it was odd the only pain you had there was a cold room? Yes, that was organised too." Another blow to the hopes that had grown there… everything had been planned, manipulated. Those nights where we had slept in the same bed, like lovers, had been a plan to manipulate my will for their own good.

"The nights you spent there were controlled in every aspect of the word. I was furious when I found out… but by then it was too late. And I knew what would be waiting for you when you got back… they had lost need for you. And I tried, for the first time, to stop what they were going to do to you… but it was useless. I'm so sorry… but I finally did something about it. I wasn't going to let you die. But seeing you so weak-" I hissed on reflex. He gave me an apologetic look. "It makes me so angry that I couldn't, didn't do anything before." His shoulders were shaking with emotion he was trying to hold back, and the alcohol freed me from feeling embarrassed.

"It's all right, Jake." I was slurring my words now. "You're the only person who has ever felt anything for me, cared about me. The one person- the one person in the world who I thought might have ca-ared- didn't. But you've been there all- all along and I only wish I could have known. I-I've always needed a friend, and ev-even though as well as you that you couldn't have stopped the torture, I didn't mind it so much at the time. I was proud of it." It was only hearing my tone turn bitter that I realised my feelings about them had changed. Jacob was making me entertain the idea that life didn't have to be that way- I'd always been made to think that I would be stronger because of the torture, the loneliness. They had shaped me how they wanted me to be, and only by meeting new people did I realise how much I'd been brainwashed. I'd always sort of known, but it hadn't bothered me. Why should it? I'd never known anything different. But now I had, I'd seen a bit more of the world and kindness- I'd experienced kindness. And much as it baffled me, I loved it. I was craving it. But I had a wall built between me and my emotions. They made- "The scars are part of who I am."

And it was true. But what if Jake didn't like what they had done to me- and therefore didn't like me? I needed friendship, and my drunkenness showed me that. And the freedom the alcohol created made me tell Jake, even though I was horrified about this in the morning. "I need friendship, Jake. It's like all the years of loneliness are crashing down on me now I know what it's like, and I need it more than ever. I really need a friend, Jake. I don't care that you didn't- you didn't stop them, but please don't leave me now, I need someone here, to look me in the eye and genuinely show me that they care."

"I'll be here, Bella. I'll be tha-" Jake told me, his hand covering mine.

"Bar's closing now." The barman told us. I stood up, to be rewarded with a thumping in my head. Oh, I had such a headache. I only noticed the feel of Jake's arms around me, holding me, and then we were outside my door. I felt like I'd travelled a million miles, and I was exhausted. But I was also exhilarated, by the new tentative promise of life that Jake was giving me.

Maybe I had something to live for.

And maybe it was that, or maybe the fact that I was pissed out of my head, but I leaned up and pressed my lips to Jacob's in the doorway. I didn't know what it meant, and I don't think he did either, and I had torn him. He lifted his hands up, as not sure whether to respond and I understood why. Did this mean anything or was I just pissed? And the truth was, I didn't even know. But I kept my lips there, and gradually his hands came down to cup my face.

He started to respond- gently moving his lips against mine, still unsure but I could feel his need. Maybe he had been as lonely as I was. But I felt a connection with him, and his brutal honesty made me like him more, having grown up in a world where honesty was a fault. But my world was changing, and it almost felt like it was too late, I'd been like this for too long. But Jacob warmed the stone in my heart, and I knew that I had a chance of changing. But I had to act now, and welcome him into my life. Because the warmth and the security in his eyes drew me, and was like nothing I'd felt before.

But maybe because I was drunk, the kiss didn't erupt fireworks. His hands were hot on my face, and his lips sweet against mine, but there wasn't an electricity. But I still needed it, and maybe that's why I pressed my body against his, curling my hands in his hair. He responded by placing a hand on my lower back, curving me into him, and pressing me lightly against the door. I could feel his need now- he'd definitely been as lonely as me.

Finally we drew apart, and a true smile lit his face, his teeth so white against his dark skin they seemed to be rays of light. I bid him goodnight and opened my door. Tomorrow I'd be back with the Cullen Clan.

En request, I have made a really long chapter. Not the longest, but long. Sorry it's taken so long to update, but life is busy and short.

I'd like to congratulate Twilight0394 for guessing correctly about the outcome! But no one guessed that the driver was Jacob lol. I'm not Team Jacob, but I like him, he's a good character, and I like the idea that he is Bella's natural path, if Edward is her supernatural.

Now, if I may, I have a few stories which may interest you while you are waiting for my next update. Please check them out- I only recommend stories if they are amazing.

1. She Wants to Play Hearts

Can love save a life or only postpone death? Edward, captain of rebel troops is ordered to kill his danger magnet captive. Bella asks for a last wish of a little time, knowing to save herself she must make Edward fall in love with her. Will it be enough?

Twilight - Fiction Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 21,710 - Reviews: 52 - Updated: 4-6-09 - Published: 3-28-09 - Edward & Bella

This one is really great- the electricity is amazing, and I love the storyline.

10. Hiding in Plain Sight

Bella is a witness in peril. Emmett Cullen is the deputy assigned to protect her. When the witness protection program isn't safe, Emmett asks Bella to pose as his brother Edward's fiancée until the trial. AU, AH, ExB, Canon couples.

Twilight - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 92,821 - Reviews: 2880 - Updated: 2-15-09 - Published: 9-15-08 - - Bella/Edward

This is a really great storyline, and you wonder where you want the story to go- its fantastic!

6. Another way to die

Bella is nearing 16, the daughter of the king of Italy. Edward is 17 and the brother of the leaders of the Mafia. He wants to walk in his their footsteps for honour. So when Bella runs away from the life she never wanted, Edward is ordered to kidnap her..

Twilight - Fiction Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 37,542 - Reviews: 483 - Updated: 2-16-09 - Published: 11-9-08 - Edward & Bella - Complete

4. Without a Gun

It has been 4 months since they escaped Italy,but when those you thought you would never see again return,New struggles appear as intentions become clear and what would you do if you had to risk the life of the one you loved? Sequel to Another Way To Die!

Twilight - Fiction Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,236 - Reviews: 152 - Updated: 3-16-09 - Published: 2-16-09 - Bella & Edward

I'm sure I've recommended these before, but they are amazing. Another Way to Die caused me to get a move on and write this story, after I've had the idea for ages.

OK, so read those while you are waiting for the next update. Which may be a while, I'm sorry. But I'm already working on it, and it's going to be long, and you are going to like it!

Oh yeah, and you know that old wives tale? The one that reviews make authors happy and speed up updates?

Shall I tell you a secret?

ITS TRUE. So if you like this story, please tell me.