Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Bella

It was Edward.

It was him, standing right in front of me in the middle of the circular drive, staring back at me with a level of intensity that was above and beyond anything I'd ever felt between us before.

Or maybe the time apart made being so close seem that much more significant.

I drank in the sight of him, staring at the features that I knew so well—the curls of copper hair, the eyes that were currently far too dark, every line and contour of his face, everything seemingly so perfect it was almost painful to look at. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him; he was like the oasis for my parched soul. The mere sight of him was soothing and healing to the angry, dry wounds inside of me. And at the same time it was causing me more pain than I'd felt since he'd first walked away.

I couldn't remember how to talk. Words chased themselves around in my head, each phrase sounding more hopelessly stupid than the next; even if I could have found the perfect thing to say, the words would have gotten lost en route to my tongue.

He wasn't talking either. I wanted to think that his unwillingness to break the silence was due to a similar need to just take the sight of me in, but I knew it was probably more the shock of finding me at his family's house—and a vampire, of all things—when he'd thought he'd put me behind him. He certainly didn't look all that pleased, I noted with a sinking feeling that hurt more than it should have.

Forget pleased, he looked like he was wavering between shock and fury. And the fury was quickly winning out.

The sinking feeling was starting to feel more like a plummet.

It's still not enough. I'm still not enough. I was an idiot. It had been so stupid to think that he could possibly ever want me back. He'd left because he'd gotten tired of me. Now he'd come back to visit his family and here I was, as naïve and foolish as ever, thinking that a few physical changes could convince him that I was what he wanted. A blatant reminder of past mistakes. How could I have ever thought that he might be happy to see me?

I wanted nothing more than to turn and run but I still couldn't break away from his gaze—the mortification wasn't nearly enough to fight the sheer pull I felt towards him. This was going to be a problem.

"Edward."

I blinked at Esme's soft voice and the trance was broken; Edward's eyes shifted to somewhere over my left shoulder, presumably to his mother who I assumed was in the doorway, and I was suddenly free to move. I heard Esme coming down the porch steps and took advantage of the distraction—I ran. Esme called after me, but I was around the corner and into the woods before she finished the first syllable of my name.

Soon the house was far behind me as I pushed myself further and faster, trying desperately to squelch the hollow, aching pain of rejection.

Edward

I'd listened to the message. It had been against my better judgment—I'd known my family was going out of their way to get some message about Bella to me, and the last thing I needed was a reason to think she needed me back in her life—but the self-gratifying, less noble part of my character had won out over my better judgment, as was often the case.

I wanted news of Bella, any news of her.

I was disappointed when Carlisle's brief message had none whatsoever, but the quiet power with which he asked that I come home had me grabbing what little I had and setting out within the minute, phoning airlines for available seats on the next possible flight to America. Carlisle didn't often use his authority as the head of the Cullen family; I knew him well enough to realize that when he did, it was for a reason. If nothing else, I respected him enough to do as he asked and come home for a few days.

Once I was through making travel arrangements, I shut off my phone and left it off. I was on my way home, my family would be able to tell me whatever it was they wanted to in person in about eight hours. It wouldn't hurt anyone to wait that much longer.

I must have imagined hundreds of different reasons for my urgent summoning home during the course of my travel, each of them involving Bella in some way, but that could never have prepared me for what I found when I got there.

It was her voice that I heard first. I was moving north from Ithaca, parallel to the highway, when it reached my ears. I stopped moving abruptly, certain that I was hearing things. I heard Emmett's booming voice saying something about baseball and then… I had to be imagining it. There was no logical reason for why she would be at our house, talking to Emmett about baseball. None. I started running again, determined to prove to myself that Isabella Swan was safely back in Forks where she belonged.

Less than a minute later, I was emerging into the clearing that surrounded the house my family currently occupied. There was someone kneeling in the dirt in the front garden but what she was doing was soon the least of my concerns. No thoughts were drifting my way from her, as if her mind was blank.

No one in my family had that long, wavy brown hair…

She spoke again, calling out for Esme, and there was no more lying to myself. I knew that voice.

She was right there…

Involuntarily, I took a step towards her, my body trying to do what my mind knew I couldn't—take her into my arms and hold on for a couple of centuries. I managed to get that impulse under control, but just barely. I distracted myself by reminding myself that she wasn't supposed to be anywhere near me or my family. How had she ended up in Ithaca?

She grew very still and, with a sudden breeze, her unique and delicious scent reached my nose. I took a deep breath and released it slowly, savoring the scent I had craved all this time. I had only just realized that her unnatural stillness probably meant that she had heard me when she was spinning around, her beautiful face full of suspicion.

In that moment, reality came crashing down around me and I knew exactly what my family had been trying to tell me.

My Bella was staring at me with eyes that were as gold as…as a vampire that drank animal blood.

About a thousand questions leapt to my mind as I struggled to grasp this startling development, but they all seemed to pale in significance next to the simple fact that I was standing mere feet from the woman I loved. For a few, soul-healing seconds, I was able to just look at her, to soothe the constant ache I'd been enduring for six months, but her golden eyes kept bringing me back to the ugly truth:

Bella was a vampire. This meant that either my family, against my wishes and behind my back, had taken things into their own hands in an effort to get me home, or…

Or my brilliant plan to protect Bella from vampires by leaving her had backfired in the worst possible way.

The second option was by far the more likely, I realized as I thought it over. Bella was a magnet for trouble, and on top of that, she smelled particularly good. Of course she'd managed to be found by another vampire. And without us there to protect her, she'd been an easy target. It was glaringly obvious now. Why hadn't I been able to see it then?

This was wrong. I'd left so that this wouldn't happen. All the pain, all the suffering, it couldn't have all come to this.

No, a voice whispered in my head, one that belonged to a much darker part of me, it's not wrong. It's what you wanted from the beginning.

That didn't make it right. Not by a long shot.

Why? You didn't change her. You couldn't.

It was as good as me.

You should be glad someone else was able to do it for you. Now you can have her forever without needing to feel guilty. What does it matter if someone else changed her? It doesn't change how you feel.

No, it certainly didn't. Vampire or not, she was still Bella Swan and I couldn't deny that the one thing I'd wanted more than any other, despite the level of selfishness it displayed in myself, was for Bella to be able to stay with me forever.

And now she can.

I fought that surge of emotion with everything I had. It wasn't right for me to feel happy about Bella's transformation, not with everything she'd had to give up because of it.

What are you going to do then? Drag this out and refuse to live? Leave again? Break her heart a second time?

This was ridiculous. I didn't even know if she wanted me back. If she'd managed to move on, like I'd wanted her to, then maybe she would want me to leave again.

But every second that passed as I looked at her only seemed to prove that moving on had been as hard for her as I had known it would be for me—in other words, impossible. And even though I knew that was good for me, I couldn't quite feel happy about it.

What had I done to her?

I saw it all suddenly—all the pain, all the meaningless living—in her eyes, growing more pronounced as each second passed. Her ordeal had been every bit as horrible as my own. And it was my fault.

My old fear came back, stronger and more true than it had ever been before:

I don't deserve her. I didn't then, and I don't deserve to heal her now. And it's my own fault.

And yet all I wanted was to fall to my knees and beg her to take me back, flaws and all.

I was so wrapped up in my own conflicting feelings combined with the utterly overwhelming reality of Bella being right in front of me that I did not realize Esme had come to the front doorway until she spoke my name. I looked up at her, both grateful and upset that she'd come before Bella and I had had the chance to say one word to each other. Esme started coming down the porch steps, smiling at me.

Then Bella ran.

Once again my feet pulled me forward without any command from my brain, recognizing the almost painful desire to stay in her presence. And once again, I forced myself to stand my ground. If Bella didn't want to have to stay near me, then I wouldn't force her. No matter how much it hurt.

I didn't want to think about why she'd run.

For a moment, we both stared at the corner of the house where Bella had disappeared from sight. Then, with a sigh, Esme came to hug me. "Welcome home, Edward. Thanks for coming."

I was so disgusted with myself that I was on the verge of physical illness. The woman who had become my mother in every sense of the word shouldn't have had to thank me for coming to visit, not in such a relieved tone. "I'm…I'm sorry, Esme," I said quietly. The first of many apologies I owed to the people I loved.

Esme just nodded and smiled sadly, her arm still around my shoulders. She gestured to the door in front of us. "Why don't we go inside? As I'm sure you've noticed, a lot has happened since we last saw you."

Before I could respond, I heard the sound of Rosalie's M3—recognizable, even after so long—roaring closer. Seconds later the car was screeching into the drive behind us; before Rosalie had even brought it to a stop, Alice was out of the car and tearing up to where I stood, her face absolutely livid.

"What—did—you—do?" she growled, grabbing me by the collar.

"Alice," Esme cautioned sharply, but it seemed that Alice was past reprimands.

"Why is Bella running as fast as she can away from here?" she hissed. "What could you possibly have done to upset her only five minutes after coming home?"

"Exist," Rosalie answered, coming up behind Alice and looking, if not happy, at least less angry than Alice. "I see you finally decided to grace us with a visit, Edward. I'd tell you how nice it is to see you again, but since none of us are all that pleased with you right now, it'll have to wait."

"Rose, please," Esme sighed, but I shook my head.

"I understand," I said simply. I would take whatever they could throw at me. Maybe a good verbal thrashing would help me forget how stupid I'd been.

Rose nodded, smiled slightly, and then moved around us to go inside; still glaring at me with disgust, Alice dropped my collar and backed up. "I guess I'd better go find her," she grumbled. "Knowing her, she's already decided that she can't stay here anymore—we barely got her here in the first place, she was so scared of running into you."

"Yes, please, go," Esme sighed, exasperated. "A good run might get all of this aggression out." Alice shrugged, though she did give Esme an apologetic sort of grimace. "But it might be a good idea to take Jasper and Emmett along. They're coming right now."

Sure enough, both Jasper and Emmett filed out of the front door, their faces grim. Rose had probably told them what was going on, though it wasn't unlikely that they'd heard everything for themselves either.

"Why?" Alice asked, genuinely confused.

"New vampire, out on her own," Jasper explained. "Add to that the fact that it's Bella and that we're all a bit unsure how things work with her, and…well, it's just better if you have back up. Just in case."

"But Bella doesn't get thirsty," Alice protested.

"She does as of yesterday," Emmett countered. "Though not like the rest of us."

"We'll explain on the way," Jasper promised. He and Emmett moved to flank me, though I was so caught up in what they'd been saying that I didn't notice until they each grabbed one of my arms.

Edward, Jasper thought at me, welcome home.

Don't go anywhere before we come back, was Emmett's thought.

We will hunt you down this time, Jasper warned, his eyes narrowing, and you won't like our methods. Just stay put.

I shrugged out of their holds, starting to feel a little irritated. "I'm not going anywhere," I snapped.

"Don't," Emmett said out loud, his easy expression conflicting with the hard edge of his voice. He moved around me to join Alice and Jasper. We may be a bit angry, he added after a pause, carefully not looking at me, but we really did miss you. Thanks for coming back.

I said nothing as the three of them disappeared around the house. I let Esme lead me into the house where I knew the last member of the family—the one I'd dreaded facing more than the rest—was waiting.

Sure enough, Carlisle was coming down the front stairs when Esme and I crossed the threshold.

"Edward," he greeted me seriously, if not as warmly as usual.

I almost couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes; it was only when he was standing right in front of me that I managed it. As I'd feared, there was no accusation in his face, and only the slightest hint of something that might have been disappointment. Far more than I deserved. I'd let him down. Again.

"Carlisle," I answered, taking the hand he offered and shaking it.

"Welcome home, son," he said simply. I just nodded, feeling more miserable by the second. "We've missed you." I had no answer to that, not yet.

My own misery had distracted me briefly, but it wasn't enough to make me forget the burning questions I had, nor the continuous aching desire to follow the others.

"What happened?" I asked, looking from one parent to the other. They knew what I was asking.

Carlisle sighed. "Laurent." He turned and walked towards the living room and I followed, pulling out of Esme's grasp in my haste.

"Laurent?" I asked, surprised. I'd thought he had gone to live with Tanya's coven, giving up human blood.

"Bella only recently recalled the circumstances surrounding her transformation," Carlisle continued, sitting down in one of the chairs; Esme did the same but I stayed where I was, standing in the doorway. "She was hiking, alone, and Laurent found her. He would have killed her, but the Quileute werewolves arrived before he could finish. It was the werewolves that later called us when they realized what was happening to Bella."

I could see in the memories he was reliving the surprise he'd felt upon learning that the werewolves were still alive, and I sympathized, but I was too wrapped up in the story to give it much thought. "Why?" I breathed.

"One of the werewolves was her good friend. He didn't want to have to kill her," Esme answered softly.

"Alice and I went back to Forks to get her," Carlisle finished. "She's been here about three weeks."

And they'd been trying to get a hold of me the whole time.

"And she doesn't thirst?" To my surprise, both of my parents smiled when I asked this; as far as I knew, the topic wasn't pleasing in any sense of the word.

"She was fine the entire three weeks," Carlisle nodded. "No thirst whatsoever until yesterday. And then, it only lasted long enough for her to get what she needed. Now she's back to how she was before: thirst-free"

"How?"

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, silent, but I could see the same scene playing out in both of their minds—Bella asking the same question, and Esme answering: Love.

Love for me. Was that even possible?

"Edward," Carlisle spoke, commanding my attention with the tone of his voice; I looked back at him automatically. "You can blame yourself, perhaps rightfully, for the pain you've caused her, and your brothers and sisters will likely do the same, for a while, but I can tell you right now that Bella does not blame you. Neither do we," he added, gesturing to himself and Esme. "We realize that you were acting out of love and that you were simply trying to protect her—"

"But it failed," I protested quietly. "It doesn't matter that my intentions were good, this happened because I made us leave her. I was too arrogant to believe that I could be wrong."

"Edward," Esme disagreed, "your intentions make all the difference in the world, to Bella, if not to the rest of the family. If you explain yourself, she'll understand."

"And with any luck, we'll all come away from this a little bit wiser," Carlisle added. "Edward. What happened has happened and there's nothing we can do to change that. Learn from this. Don't let your guilt stop you from living."

They wanted me to forgive myself for indirectly killing the woman I loved. I had seen what she'd been through in her face in those first few moments, and even if the rest of the family, or even Bella herself could forgive me for being the cause, I didn't know that I would ever be able to.

"We would like you to stay this time, Edward," Esme said quietly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Where you go now is up to you, of course," Carlisle added. "But Esme is right—there isn't a member of this family who would ask you to leave again."

I knew it didn't show outwardly, but his words meant more to me than any advice he'd ever given before.

"It'll depend," I answered slowly.

There was a very exasperated huff behind me and I turned to find Rose standing there, looking quite annoyed. "Edward, I know you're just trying to be noble and do the right thing, but could you do everyone a favor and forget about all this chivalry stuff for a moment? I'm begging you, for once, stop worrying about right and wrong and think about what you want. What is all this self-pity going to get you, Edward? You'll guilt yourself into leaving again, probably believing that it's not right for Bella to be in love with an idiot like you. And what good is that going to do? None. You already tried going down that road, and it very nearly tore this family apart, not to mention Bella. So please, instead of trying to do the noble thing, try thinking about what you really want."

Apparently the dark side of my personality had gotten its voice from Rosalie, but all that aside, she had a point. I'd made a mess of things trying to be noble. My options at this point were severely limited, and any way that I looked at it, if I took things into my own hands again I was likely to end up hurting the people I loved all over again.

"I know…what I want," I answered stiffly. "But what happens now isn't up to me."

Rose walked up to me, her eyes suspicious. "How so?"

"Bella ran," I said shortly. "She may not want me here at all. I'm not going to force her to have to deal with me if she doesn't want to."

Rose rolled her eyes. You're an idiot, Edward. "So you're saying that if Bella wants you to stay here then you will?" she asked.

I nodded slowly. "If it's what she wants, I'll do it."

Rose looked at me in silence a moment longer before nodding her head once in satisfaction. "Good."

I watched as Rose moved around me and went to sit on the sofa, but my mind was far from what I was looking at.

Bella and I needed to talk. She wasn't ready for it yet—as she'd proved when she'd taken off—but I understood that. I'd let the others bring her back, give her a little time to get used to my being here, and then maybe we could talk.

Steeling myself for a bit of a wait, I walked into the living room and sat down next to Rose. I'd spent so long in solitude that it was a little strange, being surrounded by family again, but by no means unpleasant. Whether I deserved it or not, I had the love of these people. I also had two large brothers and an irritated pixie-sized sister waiting to beat the pulp out of me.

Welcome home, Edward, I thought to myself wryly. For the first time in months I smiled.

Hopefully this time I was here to stay.

A/N:Had to get the angst out of the way before any real resolution could happen—that's next chapter! I'd really like your opinions on both this chapter and Esme's theory in the last, if you wouldn't mind. Thanks again for all of your support!