How was death so many years ago? The thought struck me one afternoon in late December. The house had been quiet, I was home alone with time to stare at my ceiling and think.
When I was very little, I didn't understand death at all. My father died before I was even born, all he ever was to me was some pictures along the walls. I had been so terribly curious, though, just where he actually existed. Mom never liked to talk about it, and so I kind of thought he lived in those pictures. I would even talk to them sometimes.
Then mom was dying. She was dying, and I didn't understand. She was leaving? Where was she going to go? Why couldn't she stay with me?
I still didn't understand it; why things had to die. I wondered if Emmett's parents were dead…
Jacob's dog died in September, and he had cried for ages. That had scared me because I didn't cry when my mother died. When she told me she was dying; leaving, I cried. I cried so many times with her, and yet, when she died I didn't shed a tear. It made me feel like a monster.
It seemed to me that was the way things often worked out; the good were punished while the bad thrived. There was no sense of justice.
Rosalie and Jasper's dad is an artist, sometimes he'll spend days on end inside their messy garage painting. I'm told they're mostly paintings of naked women and murders. I'm also told he's a very good artist, but then again Monet painted flowers.
Sometime last spring, Rosalie and Jasper came to live with us again. They stayed for weeks that time, and I had found out some more about them. Mostly, Rosalie would come into my room late at night and wake me up to tell me something. I didn't mind it all that much.
But they'd be coming back, possibly for good this time. Emmett had gotten the call, from who I'm not sure, but the moment he picked up the phone his face fell.
It was terrifying, I watched his lips move my brain trying to catch up to the word's he was saying. 'There was an accident…'
I couldn't feel anything after that. I grabbed at the doorframe to my side, but I missed, nearly falling.
Esme had been quick to react, trying to sort out her many jumbled questions as she thought aloud. Emmet had handed her the phone at the same instant it had been ripped out his hand. My foster brother was left with his mouth slightly parted, and his dark eyes seeming lost.
He wouldn't tell me what happened, nobody would until Carlisle came home. Then I had merely eavesdropped while Esme laid a heap of information on the man, despite the fact I was in the same room, sitting at the same table as them.
James, Rosalie and Jasper had been in a car accident. Rosalie seemed like she'd be fine, but the other two they weren't sure about.
Carlisle told me to stay home, although Emmett had been allowed to go with them. Apparently eleven is a far cry from fourteen.
I let out a soft sigh, turning to face the window. They had been gone for hours.
So much had happened in the past year, I didn't think I could handle this. Of course, I was sure my cousins didn't know how to handle this either.
We were only kids, I thought leaning my head into the pillow. I squeezed my eyes, and they burned.
I couldn't even call Bella, me and her were fighting. I never fought with Bella, never seriously and yet I had completely ruined it when I'd opened my mouth.
It was all because of that stupid Mike Newton! I gripped the pillow tighter, I could feel the fabric stressed between my fingers.
I should have been a better friend and noticed when Mike started to form a crush on her, even if our three year strike of being in the same class had ended. I should have noticed, but no - I let Bella fall right into his clutches.
Sure I wanted Bella to be happy, but I also wanted her to be safe. Mike might seem potentially harmless to the untrained eye; he wasn't very smart and he never got into too much trouble, but the kid was a pervert. He owned all kinds of sick magazines and found websites at school that, at the very least, should have been blocked, if not removed from existence altogether.
So I had ruined it all because I had to go and tell Bella to stay away from that guy. She got mad at me, now she wouldn't speak to me, wouldn't answer my call or even look my way in the hallway at school.
And now this, my uncle and cousin were in the hospital, maybe they were even dying.
What are you suppose to do in that situation? I began to sob into the pillow.
I had no idea, I was helpless. I was small and young and ignorant, I couldn't do this. What would I do if they died? If I lost them and Bella and, how, how could my family move on from that? Would we all die? I didn't want to go, I was afraid, I just couldn't handle it.
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A shrill ringing echoed throughout the house as I slowly fell out of my dream-like state and blinked. The phone was ringing.
"Hello?" I asked quietly, once I made my way downstairs to the phone.
I hadn't wanted to ruin the stillness of the house. It was like the calm before the storm.
"Edward?" It was Carlisle's voice.
My eyes were sore and my hair was falling into my face.
"Yes" I answered.
I sounded calm, but I was eagerly awaiting his news.
"Rosalie is absolutely fine…" He started off with.
I hadn't realized how much of a relief it would be to hear that, I silently thank-god.
"What about…?" I let my voice trailed off.
"Jasper's pretty cut up…" Carlisle's voice was heavy. "He went through the windshield"
Someone was pulling at my insides.
"What?" I spat out.
He went through the windshield? He… went through the windshield? Had I heard him right.
"He… he" I tried to understand. "Well is he alright?"
That was the core of what I wanted to know, wasn't it? Though billions of thoughts ran through my mind, and it was hard to pick just one.
"They think he's going to be alright" His voice was quiet.
I bit my lip. "What about… Uncle James?"
There was silence after I asked that and it felt like a blow to the gut. He wasn't alright. No, if Carlisle wasn't answering me, he couldn't be.
So, Uncle James was hurt or worse he was…
"He… he's not doing so well, Edward."
It felt surreal, I looked around the room as if it wasn't really there. He was dying, I knew it. My uncle was going to die. I couldn't do anything about it.
"Edward I-"
"Is he going to die?" I cut him off.
If I knew; if my worries were confirmed, it might help. It might, at least, help my heart stop beating so loud.
"Edward…" Carlisle began.
He was talking in the way most adults talk down to children. Carlisle was usually the sort of person who didn't talk that way, and I respected him for that.
"He's dying" I didn't realize how cold my voice was, because I expected it to come out weak and strained.
My voice was just; empty.
"I don't know" Carlisle's voice as he said that gave me shivers.
He sounded so lost, as if he himself couldn't understand it.
"Listen" He told me, and I was thankful he was giving me direction. "Esme wants to stay here tonight, Emmett and I will be coming home soon- did you eat anything?"
"I'm not hungry" I explained.
In truth, I felt like I'd never eat again.
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We drove to the hospital in silence, although if the tension our thoughts caused were words it would have sounded like a wild party.
It was pretty early in the morning, the sky just beginning to change colors. The sun always came in the morning, that was one of the few constants in my life.
"Hey" Esme greeted me with a tight embrace as we walked into the waiting area.
She acted as if she hadn't seen me years. I tightly hugged her back, I didn't want her to leave.
"Would you like to see Jasper?" Esme looked down at me, placing one hand on my shoulder.
In all honesty, I didn't. I didn't want to go within ten feet of a hospital room - ever. I didn't want to see just how sickly he looked, I didn't want to hear the buzz of various monitors or watch the drip of an I.V.
It was with the weight of three pairs of eyes on me that I nodded.
"Alright" Esme nodded back at me. "But, sweetheart, Jasper might not look very well. It's very important that you don't say anything that might… upset him, alright?"
I felt a little insulted that she would think me capable of acting in such a way, but I nodded anyway.
Esme then took my hand, which I hesitantly let her. I felt I was acting much younger than my age, but the thought didn't stop me.
She lead me down the hall, away from Emmett and Carlisle who I turned to see weren't following us.
We rode an elevator a few floors up. I used to always love riding the elevators.
Esme looked down at me and gave me a nervous smile when we reached our floor.
When we got to the room at the end of the hall, Esme tightly gripped the metal handle and pushed the giant door open.
I gasped. Two things hit me at once. One; that this room was almost the same as I remembered my mother's being, and two; something inhuman lay where a patient should have been.
Esme placed her hand on my shoulder and I came back to.
A blonde haired boy was laying there. More predominant than the monitors or I.V were the cuts all over him. They were everywhere.
A bandage was wrapped around his forehead, his face was swollen and all over his arms were long, thin slashes.
It hurt to look at.
Esme urged me deeper into the room. I shot her a look behind me. It felt as if she were feeding me to the wolves.
"Hi…" I said slowly, keeping a bit of distance from the bed.
"Don't do that" The voice wasn't Jasper's.
I quickly turned my head to see who told me that. A blonde little girl in braids, sitting backwards on a chair with a red face. Surly that wasn't my cousin.
No, neither of these people in this room were recognizable as my cousins.
"Do what?" I asked.
"Do that." She made a face. "It's not like he's contagious."
"Edward doesn't mean anything" Esme told her while giving me a look.
"Well he won't talk to you anyway" Rosalie commented to me.
I looked over to him, he was conscious but a look in his eyes told me he wasn't all there.
"He's drugged out his mind." Rosalie sighed, resting her chin on the back of the chair.
"Oh… well that's alright" I answered awkwardly and then turned to who I meant to address. "… Jasper."
Of course he didn't reply to that.
"Can me and Edward go get a drink?" Rosalie looked over towards Esme who nodded and handed her a couple of dollars.
Rosalie didn't even thank her, she just pulled at my arm and led me out of the room. I couldn't say I wasn't relieved to be out of there.
"Is he going to be alright?" I asked in hopes she would answer honestly.
"They say so…" She nodded as she pulled me further.
It was when we passed the soda machines that the fear set in.
"Where are we going?" She turned to look at me as I stopped in the middle of the hall.
"Don't you hate hospitals?" She asked walking a bit further to push for the elevator.
Hating hospitals was an understatement. Their sole existence was torture, they made me feel just as sick as those who occupied them. Nurses and doctors and cleaners walked about us, each one that passed made me wonder if they had or were about to be present during a death. The overbearing smell and bright lights were starting to hurt my head.
I knew what agreeing with Rosalie meant, but somehow I felt the need to listen to her. I… I did have to get of here.
"Esme…" I began, feebly.
Of the many events that took place over the past year, the best had been my adoption. It had been a fairly simple process, easy because my parents were deceased. They had taken me down to the court house on January twentieth and from that day forward I was one of them.
No longer did I worry about being sent back to the Home or having visits with Tanya. No, these days I was Edward Mason Cullen, I felt a bit more freedom with that name.
Still, though, I wouldn't want to misbehave and upset Esme.
"We'll be back…" She said as the doors slid open.
She yanked me inside and pushed for the Lobby.
There was an awkward silence inside the elevator, just the gentle hum of the machine itself to pass the time.
We occasionally glanced over to each other, sharing some odd sort of feeling.
She led me out of the elevator, down the hall and straight out the door.
I took a moment to take in the scenery. The entire town seemed cold and gray, there was a gas station across the street and not much else other than road.
She began to lead me down the street, and I felt nervous.
"Where are we going?" I asked her.
We walked along the long, stretched road in the chill air and she said nothing for the longest time.
"We could take a cab to the city… to the airport, take a plane out of here…" Her voice sounded to strange, like she were sleepy.
"Rosalie…" Well that was the dumbest idea I'd ever heard. I didn't want to burst her bubble, but we were broke, minors, and sure to be in enough trouble already, anyway.
"If you could go anywhere, where would you go?" She asked.
I repeated the question in my mind. I'd liked to have said Chicago, but I could hardly remember the place.
"Phoenix" The answer rolled off my tongue.
That sounded good, I commended myself.
"Phoenix?" The sleepiness had left Rosalie's voice and been replaced with confusion.
"Yeah" I nodded, somewhat happy at her response.
"What's there?"
"Baseball?" I shrugged.
I wasn't really sure, Bella's mother had remarried a few months ago to a baseball player.
"We have baseball here" She frowned as if I had said something really idiotic.
I shrugged. "It's nicer there…"
"I'd want to go to New York" The sleepiness was back.
"Why?"
"The city, the glamour…" She trailed off. "I'd love to see Time's Square"
I nodded, disappointed her answer made more sense than mine.
"You wouldn't miss Washington?" I smirked at her.
She sighed staring at the road before her. "I don't know"
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Halfway down the road we had turned around to go back. We had turned over some cartons behind the gas station and were throwing rocks along the ground.
We had been doing so quietly and introspectively until I heard a slight choke.
"Rosalie?" I turned to see a stream of tears falling down her face.
My eyes widened. I'd never seen her cry before, no matter what.
"Rosalie?" I asked again.
"Oh shut up, Edward!" She cried, smashing her rock to the ground.
"What- what?" I panicked.
Where was this coming from? We had just been sitting there and then…
"What?" She laughed between her tears and angrily spat again; "What?"
I stared at her waiting.
"My father is dying, Edward" She stared at me.
Her intense glare almost made me feel responsible.
"And my mother has been missing for months." She scrunched up her face and looked away.
I scooted closer next to her.
"and… and…"
I placed an arm around her.
Suddenly I was pushed into the hard pavement.
"And just what the hell are you doing?!" She cried.
My eyes widened.
"What? I was just…"
"No!" She screamed at me.
She didn't even know what I was going to say.
"You disgusting pig!" She struck a finger accusingly at me. "You!… God, Edward!"
"Calm down" I commanded.
"Calm down…" She almost laughed. "Calm down? Or what will you do? Huh, what will you do to me?"
I gave a look of disgust towards her, parting my lips and frowning.
"Really, I'm interested"
"Rosalie…" My voice trailed off into silence.
"You guys are so lucky" I heard a deep voice call from behind, stumbling in at the perfect quiet moment.
I turned around - Emmett. Rosalie quickly looked away from him and began to rub her eyes.
"I knew I'd find you little punks somewhere around here." He grinned.
Leave it to Emmett to be smiling at a time like this. That was how he was, though, he'd always be the one to stay in good spirits and try to cheer you up.
"Is Esme mad?" I almost winced at the thought.
He shook his head.
"I told her you were in the bathroom." He chuckled. "You're not 'feeling so good'"
I frowned at him. He was also the type to do something like that.
I looked back over towards Rosalie and Emmett did as well.
I opened my mouth for a split second, thinking I might say something. Probably it would be best to leave this one to Emmett. I had no idea the relationship the two of them shared, as I really didn't want to, but they did seem to make each other happy.
"I'm going to go…" I mumbled to Emmett.
He nodded at me and started over to the sniffling girl.
I sighed making my way across the street. How were we going to get through this? I wasn't sure it could be done.
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"Five-four-six-four" I mouthed the numbers along the wall until I reached the room I had left.
I made my way in, slowly, as Esme had done before.
"Edward" The voice was one I didn't recognize.
Before me stood a small girl, the size of perhaps a third grader, holding out her thin, little hand towards me. She had long dark hair that popped out against her pale complexion. Was she a friend of Jasper's?
I nodded, questioningly, but took her hand nonetheless. She had a strong grip for someone of her size.
"And you are?"
She beamed at me. "I'm Alice."
"Nice to meet you…" I mumbled. "You're a friend of Jasper's?"
We were both watching him sleep, and I saw her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. I had to do a double take.
Was she his girlfriend then? Wasn't she a bit too young?
"Not yet" She explained. "But we'll be the best of friends"
I gave her a glance. They will be? I was so confused.
"He's going to hate those scars" She frowned.
I nodded, saddened by the thought. He would hate those scars, but at least he would be alright. I was still eager to find out who she was, however.
"Do you go to Jasper's school?" I asked.
No, that couldn't be it. She must go to the elementary school.
She shook her head again.
"I don't go to school." She informed me.
Everything she said was a fact, it was beginning to get a little weird.
"You're home schooled?" I prodded.
She shook her head no, and said nothing more.
"Where did Esme go?" I asked and then realized she might not know who I meant. "Esme is-"
"Esme" She cut me off. She seemed to enjoy pronouncing her name. "She's your mother."
"… My adoptive mother" I told her.
I suppose she was my mother for all intents and purposes, but I had already had a 'mother' and that title belonged to her.
"Yes." Alice didn't agree, but spoke as if she already knew what I was going to say. "You love her very much."
I nodded. She seemed to be the most perceptive person I'd ever met.
"She went downstairs to look for you." She told me.
She had taken Jasper's hand in hers and was rubbing it gently. So she was his girlfriend?
"How old are you?" I felt compelled to ask.
I should have probably been going to find Esme and Carlisle, but I was terribly curious to know. There was something very mysterious about Alice, I almost liked that.
"They say eleven."
I found it odd the way she phrased that.
"They say?"
"Ten, eleven, twelve." She listed the numbers impassively. "It doesn't make a difference."
"I'm eleven too" I told her, despite the fact she hadn't really answered my last question.
"Yes." She said.
"When's your birthday?" If she was older than me I'd never live it down.
"I'm not sure." She answered.
I furrowed my brow at her, was she messing with me?
"Tell me yours." She said.
"June second." I had to see where she was going with this.
"Then mine will be June first" She smiled.
I stared at her. "Your birthday isn't conditional, you can't just make it up."
I think that hit a sore spot of hers because she set Jasper's arm down and looked a bit saddened.
"So are you and Jasper-?"
She shook her head before I could finish. "You should go find Esme."
I nodded. "But how do you-"
Again I was cut off. "I'm going to go now. Please don't tell them I was in here."
She hopped on her tiptoes and exited in a pixie-like fashion.
"Wait" I called out to her, but she left anyway.
I stood there, my brow creased in a state of confusion, feeling like I'd just been hit by a train. Alice I thought. How strange.
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When I had met the rest of my family downstairs, Esme had informed Carlisle that it might be best to take me and Emmett home.
I had wanted to ask to see James, but I supposed it wasn't the right time to ask that.
"Is Uncle James alright?" I had asked instead.
"He's… hanging in there." Esme had said, obviously censoring her thoughts as she held an arm around Rosalie. "But he's in no condition for visitors."
I nodded in understanding.
"About Alice." I began, but was shot a few odd looks.
Alice had told me not to tell she had been in Jasper's room, but that did nothing but raise my suspicion.
"Alice?" Carlisle curiously tilted his head to the side.
"I just met her." I told him. "Esme knows her."
"I do?" Esme questioned.
Of course she did, at least Alice seemed to know her.
"That little girl with the dark hair?"
Everyone only stared at me more. What was going on?
"She was…" I wasn't suppose to tell them she had been there. "You know, the really small girl?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Is she a friend of yours, Edward?"
I raised an eyebrow at Esme and shook my head. "I'm not really sure who she is…"
Other than a very strange and mysterious person.
"You don't know, Rosalie?" I asked her.
She shook her head, staring at me as strangely as the rest of them.
"Never mind." I quickly shook my head.
I wasn't sure why I suddenly felt obligated to that odd, little girl.
"I'm really tired." I said attempting to change the topic.
Esme and Carlisle gave a look between each other.
"Alright." Carlisle nodded. "Are you coming home with us, Rosalie?"
"You should probably take her." Esme answered for her and Carlisle agreed.
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The uncomfortable feeling of uncertainty never left; not when we absent-mindedly watched television, as we inattentively played the X-Box Emmett had gotten for Christmas, or when Esme returned for dinner that evening.
Esme had picked up some food on the way home, and we quietly poked it around our plates.
"Was the game any good?" Carlisle sadly attempted at small talk.
"Packers won" Emmett shrugged.
Carlisle nodded, thinking.
"Edward" He turned to me. Great, it was my turn. "Have you shown Rosalie your Christmas gift?"
I shook my head. A few days prior I had received a Keyboard, it was nothing close to the Piano I use to play, but the gift had been very appreciated.
"Why don't you then?" He smiled at me.
I could read between the lines; 'why don't you' meant 'do it, now'. I guess he wanted us to stop acting so depressed. Was that really possible given the circumstances?
I sighed and turned to my cousin. "Want to see my new Keyboard?"
"No." She answered, staring at me like I was crazy.
Esme and Carlisle gave a small laugh like it was cute.
"He's not that bad." Emmett admitted.
Eventually Rosalie was persuaded from the table and led into the living room. Emmett came as well.
I took a seat behind the ivory keys, and Emmett and Rosalie awkwardly loomed over me.
"What do you want to hear?" I asked.
Neither of them would have a preference, I was sure. I didn't exactly know the untalented hacks the two of them listened to.
"What's this?" Rosalie's voice suddenly sounded interested.
"What?"
Her hand reached over me to grab a piece of sheet music. Realization suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, had I so carelessly left that there?
"Bella" Rosalie spat the word through her teeth.
I attempted to grab it back, but she smacked my hand away.
"That's his girlfriend" Emmett told her.
"I know, I've met her before."
"She's not my girlfriend!" I attempted to grab back the papers.
Actually she was Mike Newton's girlfriend now, so it wouldn't be true even if I wanted it to be. Which I wasn't saying I did. It would be nice if she'd talk to me again, though.
I sighed. Wonderful, I was thinking about Bella again.
"But you're writing songs for her." Rosalie smiled.
That snake.
"It was just because I was going to teach her a song…" I looked over towards Emmett to help me out.
He only shrugged.
"But listen to this; 'you are an angel from heaven'…" She scanned the rest of the page. "Seriously, how lame can you get?"
I scowled at her. "Shut up."
I grabbed my paper back, successfully this time, and ran up to my room.
I spent the rest of the evening pouting in the darkness of my room. I hated Rosalie for embarrassing me, but at the moment I felt really bad for her. It hurt to even think about, and when the image of Jasper's body came to thought…
I shuddered. Why did I have to be reminded of Bella, anyway? Supposedly because many things reminded of her. The colors of the season, sweet smells, sunshine… I was lame as Rosalie said I was, wasn't I? But it was the truth, she was constantly on my mind.
Even when I was trying to think of my family, my poor family, I thought of her. I wanted to talk to her, and know that everything was alright. Nothing was going to be alright, was it? No, I couldn't see how this could ever pass as 'alright'.
When I had my visits with Tanya, which Emmett still does, she'd always ask really cryptic questions;
'Has anyone ever touched you?' she would ask with a tone that implied she meant something else.
I had stared at her, thinking of course they 'touch me'. My confusion had prompted her to add 'inappropriately'.
Of course they didn't, I had told her. Esme and Carlisle never did any of the things other foster kids talked about, they were nice and caring and… pretty much the world's perfect parents. They never hit me, they fed me, clothed me, they went above and beyond, but still, the family wasn't free of problems.
The problems that plagued us were by no means Carlisle and Esme's fault, they only ever did their best as parents. That was hurt about it, the fact that they tried their hardest, but were still as helpless as I was when it came to situations like these.
Bad things just happened, and nobody could stop that. I didn't like my Uncle very much, but I didn't want him to die. No, death was never a good thing.
It was so confusing, all I could do was lay there and let life come at me full force.
I was such a weak, pathetic being.
I fell asleep thinking such thoughts, never bothering to change out of my clothes.
I had expected the disturbance that came at a little past two o'clock in the morning, but I hadn't expected her to come like this.
"Edward." She giggled hopping onto my bed.
She stank like high heaven and I pushed her off of me. She laughed loudly, too loudly for anyone awake at this hour with logical thought.
"Did I scare you?" She laughed. "I think I scared himmm…"
Who was she talking to? I looked around.
"What's wrong with you?" I asked the mess of a woman who was lying on my floor.
"I'll tell you this much." She stifled a burp. "I'm not drunk"
My mouth fell, staring at her incredulously. She was drinking? In Carlisle and Esme's house? Did they even have any alcohol? They only ever had a glass of wine on special occasions.
"Someone wrote meee a lo-uh-ve song, Edward." She sang.
"Rosalie!" I scolded in a harsh whisper.
"No" She gasped, pulling at my sheets. "Am I drunk? Oh no…"
"Stop it" I ordered.
"Oh no, oh nooo" She sang.
"Stop it!" I cried, trying to shut her up before my parents found her.
"His name 'uz Mr. King." She smiled. "Royce… loves'es to drink."
"Who?" I asked utterly confused. "What? Rosalie…"
"You love Bella like real, like a real woman?" She grinned, stumbling a bit as she stood up.
"You shouldn't be drinking." I frowned, ignoring her question. "You're only twelve, that's illegal."
"You can soo, so be…" She made an overdramatic face at me and sighed loudly. "I'm ga'na go back to Emmett'ss."
"No wait-"
She was leaving again. She stumbled out of the room and I heard the familiar sound of his door opening.
Sitting there in the dark, thinking over the day's events, the year's events even and now this, all I could think was 'What the hell?'.
What the hell… What the hell was I going to do?
A/N: Please don't get any bad thoughts about a drunken Rosalie entering Emmett's room '
She's only twelve in this story at the moment.
Oh yeah, speaking of ages, I know Edward's birthday is suppose to be June 20th , but I had to change that because I made him ten at the end of fourth grade before that date so… otherwise he would have been held back a grade or something which wouldn't make any sense.
Also what the heck does it mean to 'stink like high heaven'? Ha ha, I might be retarded.
Hmm… think that's it.
Mike Newton's a perv. *thumbs up* : )
- W.C.E