Seconds after she finished her story, Katyusha hugged her pillow to her chest, and cast her eyes downward to shield herself from the horrified expressions of her friends. She knew their looks of shock and repulsion were not meant for her, but it did nothing to extinguish the fiery shame in her veins. The past few days had been the most regretful, degrading, and devastating of her life. And now it was all out in the open. Now she was left to face what should be someone else's consequences.

"You must all hate me now," she mumbled against the fabric, more matter-of-factly than anything. Then, Katyusha promptly burst into tears.

"Oh, Katya, no." It was Elizaveta who spoke, summoning the motherly tone that always came out right when it was needed. She shuffled across the pillow-littered floor and wrapped Katyusha in her arms. Katyusha abandoned the cushion she had been holding and leant gratefully into the embrace, slightly relieved but far from relaxed. "My God, what has that boy done to you?"

It was too complex a question. Katyusha had told them everything, from the beginnings of her crush on Sadiq to how she thought he reciprocated, how she believed he was a good guy and how a foolish moment of weakness had brought out the ugly truth she had never expected. The more she spoke, the more foolish she had felt. Katyusha was not this type of girl. She had always told herself she would wait for true love, that her first time would be meaningful, but when Sadiq asked her to go with him… Katyusha let out a self-critical sigh against Elizaveta's shoulder. She had not been thinking, blinded by infatuation that she desperately wanted returned. And here she was.

Katyusha had no words. Thankfully, Lilli always seemed to. "So, he had a boyfriend this entire time?" she asked, eyes widening. "Does anyone know who he is?"

"Does it matter?" Natalia's voice was like knives, her eyes like cold steel. Her anger read as clear as day, but even this was nothing compared to when Katyusha came home from that party panicked and in tears. It was thing kind of thing that made Katyusha intensely grateful for – if not slightly intimidated by – her little sister. "Well, I feel sympathy for him, provided he is not as vile as Sadiq."

And there, like a cold splash of water, was the guilt again. Katyusha had not known. Of course she had not known, but she could not fight the small, nagging voice that stubbornly insisted she had played an accidental part in shattering a relationship. She wondered who he was, if he knew. She wondered if Sadiq cared about any of it at all. Her guess was no. "I feel badly," she said finally, despite it all. "There must have been way I could have known. I never asked if he-"

"Don't you dare blame yourself, Katyusha. Not for a second," said Elizaveta, interrupting. The motherly tone was gone, replaced by something fierce and absolute. "Sadiq knew what he was doing. If he didn't tell you upfront, I seriously doubt he would have told you if you asked."

Katyusha sighed, wiped her eyes, then slowly nodded in reluctant agreement. Elizaveta was right, she supposed. Besides… it was over now. After a short, exhausting fling driven by nothing but deception, it was over. Unwilling to talk about herself for a moment longer, she asked, "Eliza, what would you do if Roderich-"

Elizaveta did not miss a beat. "Castrate him."

Lilli giggled. "As if he would dare to even look at anyone else."

"He is a guy." Natalia let her gaze rest on Lilli, only then coming the closest she ever did to smiling. "There must be reason I do not bother with them."

Katyusha smiled despite the ache in her chest. Seeing her sister happy with Lilli and knowing Elizaveta was happy with Roderich did bring her some sense of joy, even as she mulled over the destruction of her own disastrous love life. "You and Lilli are very lucky, Natalia." After a moment's pause, she added, "You too, Eliza, really…"

Katyusha broke off with a sigh. And, then again, her mind was flooded with thoughts of Sadiq. Memories, emotions, warning signs she must have missed. She stared blankly at the floor as it all fell onto her again, unforgiving like an avalanche. The memory of Sadiq's horrible words, of being left alone in that bedroom, confused and hurt, asking frantic questions that never received answers… Katyusha bit her lip to keep from crying again. "I really did believe he liked me." Even though she was sick of talking about this, sick of thinking about it, it was all she could say.

Lilli's face fell. She sighed quietly, sadly. "Oh, Katya."

Natalia scoffed. "You do not want him to like you. He is disgusting, and I have told you that from the very-"

Elizaveta spoke quickly. "What are you going to do if you see him again?"

"Well…" Katyusha nearly gave a placid response. Then she glanced towards Natalia, who was staring at her with crossed arms and firm, expectant eyes. Katyusha cleared her throat and changed her answer. "I suppose I will take my dear sister's advice and punch him." She would not actually do such a thing, but it still felt somewhat empowering to say. Katyusha managed to smile again.

"That's my girl!" Elizaveta slung her arm around Katyusha's shoulders. "There are plenty of fish in the sea, dear, and any of them would be lucky to have you."

Katyusha giggled and nearly responded, but was cut off by an unexpected voice coming from the doorway. "Why would you be wanting the attention of fish? This seems like strange thing to-" Ivan broke off with a yelp as he dodged the three pillows immediately thrown at his head. "I am sorry! I know this is girls night, but…" He held up the plate he was holding rather sheepishly. "I made cookies."

Katyusha laughed. Ivan tried, that much was certain. Her brother was ridiculous and occasionally stepped far over his bounds, but he was also one of the most caring people she had ever known, and right now, his presence was a welcome distraction. "You can come in, Ivan. I do not mind."

"Oh, yay!" Ivan walked in, sat on the edge of the bed, and set down the plate, which Lilli immediately placed in her lap. "I cannot stay long, though. I am waiting for something."

Katyusha tilted her head. "At this hour?"

"You have been pacing around all evening." Natalia raised an eyebrow, her focus on Ivan oddly perceptive. "Could it be that twenty-something year old boyfriend you believe no one knows about?"

There was a burst of laughter from the four girls, and Ivan flushed a deep red even as he shook his head insistently. "What ridiculous idea." His gaze fell the ground, eyes flicking from side to side, as if an explanation would be written somewhere on the carpet. "I am waiting for… mail to be delivered," he finished shakily. Katyusha covered her mouth with her hand. It was such a relief to smile, to laugh.

"It's after eleven at night," said Lilli, her expression still half-confused.

"Sometimes it is late." Ivan turned his attention to adjusting his scarf and quickly changed the subject. "What have you girls been talking about?"

Katyusha exchanged a look with Natalia. They had come to the unspoken agreement that they would not tell Ivan anything of this situation. After all, they had no desire the start the apocalypse. As far as he knew, Katyusha had not spoken to Sadiq since Ivan had pushed him in that pool – which she now knew, with the curse of hindsight, would have been the best path to take.

"Nothing you would be interested in, Ivan." Elizaveta smiled, the picture of innocence. "Just girl talk."

"But I am very interested! I-" But Ivan could not finish, because as he spoke, the doorbell rang. Then, he jumped from the bed as if it were spring loaded. "Oh! It is…" Ivan faltered on his words, already halfway out the room, "…the mail."

The door closed behind him, perhaps with a bit too much force, and Katyusha was left grinning. Maybe everyone in her family had better luck with romance than she did, but it was certainly amusing to watch. "Silly boy. He stills thinks we are oblivious."

"I wonder if Sadiq's boyfriend is still oblivious…" Lilli's eyes went wide, and she quickly reached for another cookie. "Sorry."

"Well, it's his mess now," said Elizaveta, flippant and airy. "Come on, we've wasted more than enough breath on him. Let's just try to have a nice time."

So, that was exactly what they did. Katyusha indulged in the warm, familiar company of her friends, her mind clearing and scars healing as the perfect night stretched on. Somewhere in the midst of the smiles and the laughter, Sadiq disappeared from her mind almost entirely. One thought, however, still managed to pass through the back of her mind.

She wondered what else Sadiq's carelessness had smashed up and destroyed.

.

Heracles stood pressed against the wall, his entire body tense, and flinched as Sadiq sent a lamp smashing against the space mere feet from his head. It was destroyed instantly. "I'm sick of your bullshit, Heracles!" He screamed the words so loudly Heracles could nearly feel them cutting into his skin. Sadiq had not laid a hand on him, at least not yet, but Heracles almost wished he would just walk across the room and silently strike him. It would probably be easier to take. "Now tell me what the fuck is going on!"

Heracles had seen Sadiq mad before. After all, it was far from uncommon. He had seen him furious, heard him yell a million times, but it had never been like this. Never had he been this violent, and never had Heracles been legitimately afraid of him. Now he could feel his hands shaking at his sides. And still, after at least ten minutes of this, Heracles had no idea what it had stemmed from. Sadiq was demanding information he simply did not have.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Heracles honestly, just barely able to force the words out from where they were stuck in his throat. "What do you want me to tell-"

"You know damn well what I mean!" Sadiq had probably said that same thing ten times, and Heracles still did not understand. God, why did it always take him so long to understand… "Who is it? Tell me!"

Heracles could barely breathe. This attack was the last thing he had expected when he walked in, none of it made sense, and he was still reeling from what had happened with Kiku mere days before. He finally dragged his voice from where it had been hiding. "Who… what?"

"Unless it's more than one." Sadiq exhaled through his nose and clenched teeth, like a bull ready to charge. "God, I bet you can't even remember all of their names!"

Heracles was almost too confused to feel as terrified as he should. "What are you talking about?" he asked for what felt like the millionth time. This uncertainty was unbearable. Being yelled at was one thing, fearing physical assault was another, but facing all of it for reasons he wasn't even aware of was nothing short of torture.

And finally, like a lid blowing off a boiling pot, Sadiq threw his hands wildly in front of him, his face red, and screamed an answer. "I want to know who you're fucking, Herc!" Before the words even sunk in, he kept going. "WHO are you seeing? HOW MANY PEOPLE are you seeing?"

A second ticked by in tense silence, and in that moment, nothing moved, nothing was real. Then, Heracles understood exactly what he was being accused of. The realization was so surreal he had to say it to believe it. "You think I'm cheating on you." His own words hit his ears, and Heracles found the strength to push off the wall. Confusion turned to shock just as fear gave way to anger. "What on earth gave you that idea?"

Sadiq did not answer the question. He only kept providing them, his already deafening voice growing louder, his fists white and shaking like leafs in the wind. "Who the hell is Harpocrates? And don't tell me it's your cousin, because I know that's all bullshit! How long did you plan on lying to me, Heracles? Did you think I wouldn't find out?"

Over the past few days Heracles had gained some sense of perception, and just recently had he begun to realize just how bad his actions and words made him look, not to mention how wrong they actually were. He understood that if he was only more upfront with everyone from the beginning, a lot of this could have been entirely avoided. Still, the glass around his feet and the terror in his chest did not feel deserved. Heracles knew his own intentions and morals. And what Sadiq was saying did not match up.

Heracles brought the air back into his lungs, evened his gaze, and made the conscious decision to be nothing but honest and straightforward from now on. "That is the name I use for my friend, Kiku." The word felt wrong on his lips and sent a shock into his heart. Friend… could he even say that anymore? They had not even spoken since… Heracles shook his head slightly, forced the thought away, and went on. "I told you he was my cousin because I knew you would yell at me like this if you knew. You hate when I talk to anyone else, Sadiq."

Silence. For once, the room was filled with it. Sadiq's chest visibly rose and fell with every heavy breath he took. Though his eyes remained locked on Heracles, his face twisted and his jaw tensed. It looked either contemplative or conflicted. When he spoke, it was a low growl rather than a shout. "You know exactly why that is."

Heracles's stomach dropped to his feet. He never thought, after all this time, that that period in his life would be thrown back in his face. It was a deliberate shot below the belt, but he refused to let that show in his eyes. "That has nothing to do with this." He held Sadiq's fiery gaze, no matter how much he wanted to look away. "I have never been unfaithful to someone I'm committed to. Not once." That was the pure, undiluted truth. No matter how Heracles had acted in the past, he always had morals he would rather die than abandon. Besides, if he did, he would probably die of shame regardless.

For once, Sadiq did not throw out an angry response right away. Instead he loosened his fists, closed his eyes like it hurt, and brought a shaking hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. His nostrils flared as he took another hard breath. Heracles only stared at him, confused yet again. Sadiq looked as if he had just received bad news. Heracles even got the feeling he believed him, but for whatever reason, it was physically painful for him to do it.

Heracles disregarded it. This whole situation was ridiculous, infuriating, and it was high time he took a shot of his own. "If anyone is likely to cheat, it would be you."

Sadiq suddenly dropped his hand and opened his eyes. His face was no longer scarlet with rage, nor pinched in pain, but rather white with what looked to be shock… or guilt.

Heracles could not believe it. He did not want to believe it. For once he understood immediately, and with that understanding came the revival of his temper from where it had long since lay dormant. "Sadiq." He said his name as a statement, low and controlled, though he could physically feel his resolve slipping like water down a hill. "Are you cheating on me, Sadiq?"

Sadiq glared at the floor. "I was positive you were."

Something dangerously close to rage bubbled in Heracles's chest. He could only repeat himself. "Are you cheating on me?"

Sadiq opened his mouth, but said nothing. For someone who was atrociously loud every other moment in his life, it seemed strange that he was at a sudden, disgusting loss for words. What an interesting time for him to be silent, Heracles thought through the screams in his head. An eternity passed before Sadiq could manage so much as a mumble. "It was one time. I was drunk. What does it matter?" He spoke as if it was meant to sound apathetic, but the crack in his voice and the strange flash in his eyes overshadowed the intention.

Everything was very rapidly turning red. Heracles struggled to keep his hands loose and his words quiet. "When? Who?" he asked as if he was making dinner plans.

"At a party. Couple days ago." Heracles's head snapped up at the answer, and Sadiq immediately turned his. "This girl Katyusha." He stumbled over her name, as if he respected it too much to say it in this context. Heracles could only guess when Sadiq held that same amount of respect for him.

Hot anger crawled up his throat, something finally broke, and Heracles spoke louder than he had in what could very well be years. "What is wrong with you?"

"What's wrong with you?" Sadiq shouted back immediately. He took a thundering step forward, barging directly into Heracles's personal space, and Heracles utilized every bit of self control he had left to keep from shoving him away. "Do you seriously blame me for assuming? You never talk to me, you hide shit from me… what else was I supposed to think? I only did what you made damn sure I thought you were doing!"

Heracles was hardly surprised. Sadiq always had a way of shifting the blame. This time, however, he refused to allow that to happen. "I never was. You were the only one."

"Maybe I don't believe you." Sadiq had abruptly stopped screaming. His voice dipped into something sinister, underhanded, and downright accusatory. It was like he was attempting to weaponize his words. Without warning, he succeeded. "When I met you, Herc, you would fuck anyone."

No. Not this again. Heracles had to fight through the painful knots in his stomach in order to say, "That is irrelevant."

"No, no it isn't." Sadiq nearly laughed at that, some strained, humorless sound that could barely pass as sane. Heracles pressed himself so far against the wall his back started to hurt. "How many people was it again? Ten? Twenty? No, let me guess, you lost count. What difference would another one make?"

Heracles could not decide what upset him more – that Sadiq had still managed to turn this on him, or that he was allowing it to happen. But Heracles was powerless now. His breathing was turning erratic, his throat felt close to closing, and past shame suddenly felt new and relevant. He had told Sadiq all of this in confidence. Now he had the gall, the absolute shamelessness, to use it as ammo when Heracles was still reeling from all he had already thrown at him. His eyes stung, and he had to look away as he forced out the few words he had left. "Shut up."

But the verbal assault just kept on going. "And you were so young." Sadiq lifted his chin and looked down his nose. "How old was that one guy, Heracles? Remind me."

The ground was beginning to feel unsteady beneath Heracles's feet. His stomach lurched as memory hit, and for a split second, he almost felt as small and empty and hopeless as he once had. In a desperate attempt to ward it off, Heracles hardened his gaze into a furious glare and raised his voice. "I said shut up, Sadiq!"

Sadiq went on as if Heracles had actually answered. "And you let him do whatever he wanted."

"SHUT UP!"

"So of course I assumed." Then Sadiq stepped forward again, so close their chests were nearly touching, and Heracles could not move back any farther. He was dizzy, sick, he wanted to move, but Sadiq grabbed his side, leant close to his ear, and whispered, like dripping venom, "Nothing is below you, Heracles, and your mother would be ashamed of you."

Heracles clamped his fingers into his palm, lifted his fist, and swung.

Sadiq swung back.

It was a long time coming. What followed was two years worth of resentment, frustration, and anger that could not be expressed through words alone, no matter how loud, in one long-overdue explosion. It could only be expressed through flying punches, kicks, broken furniture and broken skin. Heracles felt nothing – not Sadiq's hands gasping his collar, not his back hitting the wall or the floor, not his own fists striking Sadiq wherever he could. The bruises and split lip and leftover glass scratching his skin meant nothing. Two years, and none of this had ever meant anything.

It passed in a fiery, bloody, thoughtless haze. Never in his life had Heracles been so ready to inflict pain on another. Then again, no one had ever been so willing to continuously do the same to him. Before Heracles even understood what was going on, his knees were on Sadiq's chest, his fist was suspended in the air, and he was seconds from doing it again. Then Sadiq grasped his trembling hand.

Slowly, painfully, everything came back into focus. Then there was nothing but heavy breathing, throbbing injuries, and shock. Neither said a word. When Sadiq looked up and finally met Heracles's eyes, his were bleary, conflicted, and it did not look to be entirely out of physical pain. Heracles let his hand fall loose, and Sadiq carefully wove his fingers through his. It read almost as a plea. He did not speak, did not make an attempt to move, only shook his head and mouthed a word Heracles knew he could never say aloud: Sorry. But Heracles had probably imagined it.

"We…" Heracles began, but did not finish. He pieced his torn mind together as he pulled his hand away and wiped the blood from his mouth. Finally, after all the stalling and all the needless pain, it was time. "We cannot keep doing this."

Sadiq did nothing to acknowledge it, but Heracles knew they both understood. After too long of a moment, he stood. Ignoring the pain he was suddenly aware of, he limped away from the room, away from the house, and away from Sadiq. This time, it was for good.

Now there was only one place that could soothe this pain, both on the surface and far beneath it.

.

Heracles knew he had no business being here, but the events of the afternoon had destroyed his will to stay away. As he stood on the doorstep, fully aware of how pathetic he must have looked, he remembered the first time he had stood in this same spot. Remembered how nervous he had been. Compared to what he was feeling now, it seemed almost shamefully petty. But unlike the first time, he had no urge to run away. Being anywhere else would only make him feel worse.

Heracles swallowed his pride, suppressed his nerves with a breath, and knocked.

The door opened within a minute. Kiku looked up, tensed, and took in Heracles with a short gasp and a widening of the eyes. Heracles wondered what it was truly a reaction to – his pitiful appearance, or his presence in general. "It… really was a fight this time," he said, finding greetings somehow inappropriate. Heracles lifted a hand to self-consciously run his fingers over the split in his lip from where Sadiq had elbowed him. "Do you perhaps have any peroxide?"

Kiku blinked. His shock faded into something closer to thinly veiled annoyance, and after a short, contemplative moment of staring, he flicked his head towards the inside of the house and walked in the same direction.

Heracles hesitated before following, feeling a bit like a helpless stray cat. He knew this was out of nothing other than common decency. Still, he could not but feel a brief warmth in his chest, because after all he had put him through, Kiku was still willing to help him. "Thank you," he said.

Kiku barely looked at him.

In fact, Kiku barely looked at Heracles throughout the entire process – not when he motioned for him to sit in a kitchen chair, not when he returned with a first aid kit, not when he tore open Band-Aids as if they personally offended him and pressed them to the scratches on Heracles's arms like he did, too. Heracles did not allow himself to flinch. He sat perfectly still, guilt in his stomach and his pulse in his ears.

Kiku performed each task with machine-like precision and detachment, none of it suggesting he wanted the details behind this. Still, Heracles felt a need to explain himself, and the silence was growing unbearable. "It was Sadiq." Kiku rubbed at the cut he was cleaning with more vigor, and Heracles quickly moved on. "Some things were said, and we both got angry. But I guess what really started it was…" Heracles broke off and finished in a whisper. "He cheated on me."

It felt like a lie, even though it was exactly the opposite. Sadiq had made no attempts to deny his infidelity, but regardless, Heracles was still having trouble believing it had actually happened. No matter how long things had been going south, the betrayal still felt like an unexpected knife in the back, salt on the wound that had been open for ages. Heracles had yet to rid himself of the sick feeling in his gut.

At that, Kiku froze. His stone-cold expression faltered just long enough for Heracles to detect something close to sympathy in his eyes, but before he could even be sure it was there, Kiku shook his head and continued his robotic first-aid.

But even that was comforting, because Kiku was still here, still tending to Heracles when he needed it the most. That alone made him feel strangely safe despite how callous it was at the moment, warm even as he used his free hand to press a bag of ice to his black eye. Heracles could not deny that. Now that he thought about it, actually, there was simply no reason for denial anymore. He could feel however he wanted now. More importantly, no amount of denial would fix anything.

"It is done with him, obviously." Heracles was not sure what he was trying to gain with the words. After all, it was not as if he expected Kiku to still like him– even platonically. Maybe he said it only because a part of him still did not believe it. After wanting it to end for so long, he thought he would feel at least a little bit relieved.

But when Kiku barely nodded, the way someone would to acknowledge someone they had no interest in seeing, Heracles only felt conflicted and alone.

Perhaps it was best to change the subject. "Is your brother around?" he asked, making an attempt at sounding casual that he hoped was successful.

Kiku shook his head, still without lifting his eyes, and Heracles was strangely relieved. If Kiku had told Yao anything, Heracles could guess he was not thrilled with him either. Really, was there anyone left who was? Kiku, Yao, Sadiq, maybe even Stelios at this point… they were all disgusted with him now. Heracles could not say he felt any differently about himself.

Heracles sighed, having grown tired of acting unaffected. He spotted a paper napkin on the table and reached for it. It was not the best, but it was better than nothing. "Maybe it would be beneficial to… talk about this… or something." Heracles stumbled over the words. Speaking seemed much more complicated now, when so much was at stake.

Without even a moment's hesitation, Kiku reached into his pocket, turned it inside out, and then shrugged before pushing it back in.

It took a moment to click. Kiku was not carrying a pen, and that did not seem to be coincidental. Heracles could hardly believe it… Kiku had found a way to give him the silent treatment.

Taking that into account, Heracles began to wonder if Kiku would ever forgive him. There was no real reason why he would, but Heracles did not want to believe he truly had no left in this world, so he asked what he was not sure he wanted answered. "Do you hate me?"

The last Band-Aid went on, and Kiku released Heracles's arm. Warmth and safety disappeared. Heracles sat perfectly still and waited – for Kiku to shake his head, to nod, to glare at him, to smile. For any kind of response he could learn to accept. But instead, Kiku simply surveyed his work as if Heracles and his injuries were an art project, turned, and started to walk away. That hurt worse than anything Sadiq had said or done.

But Heracles knew, somewhere beyond his selfish, undeserved grief, that this was nothing compared to the pain he had caused Kiku by dragging him into his own problems and chaos. He had panicked him more than once, lied to him through omission and otherwise, lead him on, shot him down and left him humiliated right after he finally allowed himself to let his guard down… Heracles was hit with the sudden, somber realization that he had earned this ending.

What had even given him the idea that he deserved to be here?

"He was right," whispered Heracles from where he sat, either unwilling or unable to move. He was not sure if he expected or even wanted Kiku to hear him. The words passed his lips on their own accord. "My mother would be ashamed of me."

Kiku was halfway down the hall already, but right as Heracles finished his sentence, he stopped in his tracks and turned. Despite everything, he looked Heracles in the eyes and shook his head. It was enough to momentarily soothe Heracles's conflicted heart as it screamed. Kiku must have heard. Must have cared. Of course… Kiku always listened, was always compassionate. He did not have it in him to be coldhearted or cruel, even when it was completely, undeniably deserved. Heracles felt the tiniest bit better, even as Kiku turned back around and walked out of his sight for what was possibly the last time.

Kiku really was more than Heracles could ever hope to deserve.

To be continued...