A/N: Sadly, this isn't the dance chapter yet but it will be the next one and I already have it written! Just have to make some tweaks. This one may seem a bit shorter because there's a lot of dialogue.
The last chapter didn't get as many reviews :( Don't be shy people, let me know what you think - seriously!
Just wanted to acknowledge chupacabruh for their amazing review on the last chapter. I loved your suggestions and I'm so glad that you took the time to let me know how you feel. I've been skeptical about the smut because I don't want to make things between Anna and Draco seemed rushed. I feel like other stories the characters are having sex in the first chapter and I definitely don't want that. I want their relationship to build. But I promise it will come within the next few chapters! Please continue your great reviews, I loved hearing from you!
Anyways, this chapter contains a jealous Draco, hehe. Lets see how he handles Anna's news about her date to the dance ;)
The night after Michael had asked her to go to the Spring Ball, Anna snuck off after dinner after she watched Draco do the same and she knew right where he was going. Since their first...encounter in the Room of Requirement, they had met there secretly a couple of times. Nothing had happened like it had the first time and Anna wasn't sure if she was happy or sad about that fact.
On one hand, she was glad that Draco wasn't trying to be intimate with her again, it was a lot easier to keep her head straight when she wasn't worried about whether or not he was going to touch her. But she also missed the feeling of his skin against hers and the way his eyes darkened slightly with a burning hunger before he kissed her. Sometimes she felt like it was too hard to control her need for him because she wouldn't lie, it was there and it was begging her to let go. It was so prominent that it scared her. She'd never felt anything like what she felt for Draco before, she couldn't even describe it. Her feelings for him ranged from pure hatred to blind lust that consumed her every need. He made her so raging mad but with just one touch, one small caress, she would be putty in his hands.
The fact that Draco Malfoy had such a power over her should have made her nervous but she'd never felt more safe and content than when she was around him.
She had stopped wondering why the Room let her in in the first place. It wasn't like she had a great need for anything, perhaps just a place where she could meet Draco without anybody knowing, but there had to be somewhere else where they could meet. Either way, she just ignored it and took advantage of the fact that it appeared for her whenever she wanted it to.
When she entered the Come and Go Room, she knew exactly where she was going to find the blonde Slytherin. He was always standing near some old, tarnished cabinet that he found very fascinating, though Anna really couldn't understand why. It was old and ugly but Draco was captivated by it and it made him easy to find.
This night, he had the door opened and for a moment, she studied him from a few yards away. He was wearing his usual black slacks and white dress shirt that was slightly untucked. His hair was getting long, but Anna liked it, especially since he'd stopped parting it to the one side and just let it fall naturally. He looked much more relaxed, though she could still note how tired he was with the ever-present dark circles taking up space underneath his eyes.
He still hadn't noticed she was standing there and she watched as he held the cabinet's door open and was staring into it with a blank look on his face. The door blocked her sight so she couldn't see if there was anything inside but she couldn't look away from him anyway. He was so utterly breathtaking, she didn't understand how she'd gone so many years without noticing. It was hard for her to stop staring.
When he finally looked over at her she blushed in embarrassment at being caught and his mouth twitched into a small smirk.
And he immediately closed the door.
Anna's brow furrowed and she took a few steps towards him. "Was there anything in there?" she asked, her voice sounding so loud in the large, quiet room.
"Just some dust," he replied shortly and walked past her to go sit on an old table. She followed, just like she usually did, and sat in an old chair opposite him so that she could look at him and talk.
"Why were you looking in there?"
"I was just curious," he said with a shrug and Anna knew that was all she was getting out of him. She wished he would open up to her, she wanted to know what was happening in his head. It was obvious that there was something else going on with him, something that he was trying so hard not to let on to but he didn't realize that she knew a lot more about him than he cared to think. She had spent enough time with the kid that she could practically predict his moods.
Tonight, he was tired – as usual – and actually looked a bit annoyed. His brow dipped low on his forehead and he was staring down at his hands that were clenched into tight fists. She could see his jaw working furiously and his body was so rigid he could have been a stone statue carved by Greek Gods. There was something off about him. His usual cocky demeanor had changed into something else, something that Anna couldn't quite put her finger on but she knew it was there. He tried to hide it in his face but she could see right past his façade, she always could.
She didn't speak, she didn't know what to say, so they just sat in silence for a while. It wasn't awkward, it was actually kind of nice and in a way, it calmed Anna down. At least one of them could relax.
Finally, he spoke. "Does it still hurt to think about your parents?"
His sudden question about her parents threw her off for a moment. Not once had they discussed that fateful night at the Burrow and Anna was grateful that he wasn't the type of person who forced her to talk about things. He hadn't even told her how sorry he was about their passing and that made Anna like him that much more. At least he didn't pretend to care like everyone else.
"Every day."
"Do you think it will ever get better?"
Anna took a deep breath. "I'm not sure," she told him honestly. She really had no idea if the pain that she felt daily would ever leave her, sometimes it was so bad that she was convinced it never would. "I suppose the best that I can do is hope that it does."
Draco sneered. "Your undying hope is your greatest downfall, Gilbert."
His comment hurt but Anna tried not to let it show. "It's all I have left."
He shook his head. "No, that's not true and you know it."
"If you're not going to accept my answer then why did you ask in the first place?"
Draco sighed and shrugged again. "I really haven't got a bloody clue," he told her, looking down at his hands again. "I guess…..I guess I just want to be prepared….just in case."
"Just in case what?"
He licked his lips and kept his eyes on his hands. "In case the same thing happens to me."
Anna's eyes widened at the realization that he was scared. He was scared of losing his parents, he was scared of this war, even though he was fighting for the side that was the cause of it all. Anna could only feel pity towards the boy who was obviously having issues inside of himself that were eating away at him.
Resisting the urge to comfort him, she scooted a bit closer on the chair. "Draco-"
"Because I'm not sure I'll be able to deal with it if something happens to my mother," he explained, still keeping his gazed locked on his long fingers. "My father is different, he's…he's sealed his fate and I've accepted that but my mother…..she doesn't deserve to die in this war. She deserves to have a life and a son who can give her all of the things that I can't, like being a mother-in-law, or grandmother or-"
"Draco, what are you talking about?" she cut in, bending her head so that she could see his eyes but they were screwed tightly shut. "What do you mean that you can't give her those things?"
He laughed but it held no humor and he opened his eyes to meet her gaze. "It means that I'm going to die. I'm going to die and my mother's going to be all alone without anybody to care for her."
"Wait, what? Nobody's dying, Draco, why would you say such a thing?"
"Because it's true! It fucking true! I probably won't live to see my seventeenth birthday."
Anna's jaw fell open in shock. What the hell was he talking about? Why did he think he was going to die? Was he planning….was he planning on committing suicide? She knew that there was chance that he could be depressed, he definitely showed the signs for it, but she would have never guessed that it would go that far. Draco wouldn't….couldn't.
He was still staring at her with wide eyes that held sorrow but she saw no trace of tears, which was odd because she was on the verge of crying for him.
"Draco," she said and it was barely a whisper. "Why do you think you're going to die?"
He shook his head. "Forget I said anything," he mumbled, looking away from her.
She licked her lips. "If you need to talk-"
"Just drop it, Gilbert," he growled and she knew then that the conversation about his 'impending death' was over. For now. She would leave it alone because she just didn't have the energy to fight with him tonight, but she would make sure to address the matter at a later date, when he was in a better mood.
They sat in silence for a while longer and Anna began drawing scribbles into the dust that sat atop a desk near the chair she was sitting in. She knew Draco was watching her but she kept her eyes glued onto the spot where she was writing her name into the dust.
"Are you going to the Spring Ball Saturday?" she asked after a while, desperate to hear him talk about something other than death.
He scoffed. "Do you honestly think that I would waste my time at something as ridiculous as that pathetic excuse for a Ball?"
Anna rolled her eyes and sighed. "I was just asking."
"Why? Are you going?"
"I am actually," she told him proudly.
He snorted. "Hasn't anyone ever told you that going to a dance by yourself is degrading? Really, Gilbert, you're going to look like an utter fool."
She glared at him then, locking eyes with his icy gaze. "I've never heard that before and for your information, Malfoy, I'm not going by myself."
His face froze. "What?"
"I'm not going by myself," she said again and sat back in her seat. "I have a date."
Draco started to laugh. Hard. He was literally snorting through his nose because he was laughing so hard and it only pissed Anna off even more.
"Is that so hard to believe?"
"Absolutely," he said through giggles. "That was a good one, Gilbert. You almost had me fooled for a moment."
Anna crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at him. "It wasn't a joke. I really do have a date."
He was quiet then as he studied her face carefully and she kept it straight and serious so that he would be able to see that she was telling the truth. She watched as something flickered over his face, his brow furrowed and he was biting the inside of his cheek.
"You really have a date?" he asked and she just nodded. "Who?"
Anna swallowed and then licked her lips. "Michael Corner."
"Corner?" he sneered and then rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me, Gilbert? You're going to go to the Ball with that fucking wanker?"
She scowled at him. "Don't call him that-"
Draco just laughed viciously. "Why, got a little crush?"
"Absolutely not, but he's a friend and you don't need to be such an ass."
"I can't believe that you're going to subject yourself to the company of Michael fucking Corner. Have you ever noticed how big of a moron the bloke is? He probably doesn't even know how to dance-"
Anna threw her hands up in the air. "Well what other options do I have, Draco? Michael was the only one who asked me and I don't want to be the only one of my friends who isn't going to the dance."
"Surely there had to be someone else-"
"Nobody," she eyed him carefully and knowingly, and he caught her stare as realization flickered in his eyes.
"You know that's impossible."
She swallowed and sighed. "I know, but-"
"But nothing, Gilbert," he almost growled. "It's not up for discussion. You know it could never happen, even if we wanted to."
"I wanted to," she said quietly, averting her eyes from him. "If you would have asked me I would have said yes."
"I never would have asked you," he grumbled.
She ignored his comment, even though she knew it was the truth, and sighed in longing. She wished it could be different, that they didn't have to hide their feelings for each other from one another and from the rest of the world. She wished that there were no such thing as the stereotypes that made any kind of relationship between the two of them utterly impossible. All she wanted was a chance and she was afraid that she would never get one.
"Perhaps I'll have to go now just to watch you make a fool out of yourself. I'm positive that Corner dances like a five-year-old," Draco said, interrupting her thoughts.
She rolled her eyes. "How do you know that?"
He shrugged. "I remember from the Yule Ball, he looked absolutely ridiculous. And I doubt that you're any good at ballroom dancing."
Her eyes narrowed. "Actually, I'm quite good at it, Malfoy," she hissed. Her mother had taught her when she was a little girl and she'd remembered how to do it all her life. She'd even practiced with George and Fred a few times at the Burrow when they were just fooling around. The twins were very good dancers. "And I'm sure that Michael's gotten better, it's been two years since the Ball."
Draco chuckled. "I seriously doubt it. Honestly, Gilbert, you could have picked someone other than bloody Corner. He's a pig, an absolute git. I'll bet he tries to snog you before the night is through."
"So what if he does?" Anna shrugged nonchalantly. "It's not like there's a rule against kissing at the Spring Ball."
She watched as his face twisted into a look of rage and his eyes narrowed in an angry slant. "You can't be serious."
"Why not?" Anna challenged, trying desperately not to back down. Secretly, she wanted him to be jealous. "He's my date, isn't that what dates are supposed to do?"
He slammed his hands against the table that he was sitting on and the loud sound echoed throughout the room. "Absolutely fucking not! Are you mad? You actually think that snogging Corner is a good idea?"
She glared at him. "It's not like I have a boyfriend that I have to worry about! I really can snog whoever if you think about it-"
"No, you cannot!" he roared and jumped up so that he towered over her and she had to sit back in order to look at him.
"You don't have a say in what I can and cannot do, Draco," she hissed back and stood up to gain a little more ground. She still didn't match his height but she felt better now that she wasn't looking up at him as badly.
"Yes I do-"
"No, you don't. Why do you even care so much?"
"You know why, Gilbert," he snarled and kept his icy gaze locked on hers and she couldn't look away even if she wanted to.
Anna threw her hands up in the air in defeat. "So do something about it!"
He shook his head. "You know I can't-"
"Exactly! So don't get upset when I go with someone else to a dance that you can't take me to! It's not my fault that you're too much of a coward to do what you actually want to do, even if it means betraying your blood."
"Hey!" he growled loudly and automatically took a step back but he followed. "If you haven't noticed, I'm already betraying everything I know just by being here with you! Do you think I do shit like this on a normal basis?"
"Of course not-"
"What do you want from me, Gilbert?" he yelled and she flinched at his tone.
Anna took a deep breath to try and settle herself. Her chest was heaving with her ragged breaths and she could see that his was too, but she couldn't back down now. "I'm not asking for anything more than what you can allow yourself to give."
"I've already given you more than I should ever have-"
"I know," she said quickly and then finally gave in to her urges and reached up to place her hand on his cheek. He flinched slightly and then relaxed as she started to rub her thumb gently across his prominent cheekbone. "But it was your words, you were the one that said you wanted…whatever this is, to be a secret, so you can't be mad that I accepted an invitation to the dance from someone else."
"Gilbert, I don't share-"
"And I know that you're still sleeping with Pansy, so how is that even fair?" she asked and watched as he realized the truth in her words.
"It's different," he mumbled. "Parkinson is just a means to an end for me."
"How so?"
He just shook his head and mumbled, "She just is."
"How is it different, Draco?" she pressed, desperate to make him open up. "If you take her to the dance, which I'm sure that you will, you know that afterwards you'll have sex with her. So how is it okay that you're telling me that I can't do the same with Michael?"
His eyes went wide with anger. "You are not going to shag Corner-"
"No, I'm not," she told him and dropped her hand down to his shoulder. "But if I did, it would be wrong of you to be angry at me because you do the exact same thing with Pansy."
He shook his head again and bit chewed at the inside of his cheek. "It's still different."
"It's not."
"Yes. It. Is," he growled and then he suddenly backed them up until she was pressed up against the cabinet that he found so interesting. She was panting now and she stared up at him as he loomed over her, his neck bent so that he could stare straight into her eyes. His mouth was on hers in the next instant and she barely had time to register what was happening before he pushed his tongue past her lips.
It was so easy for her to get lost in his kisses and she let herself fall captive to his inviting mouth. Her arms wound around his neck and his hands settled on her hips, pushing up her sweater slightly so he could rest his fingers against the bare skin of her waist. It had been weeks since they had even touched and it showed in their kisses as they became more frantic.
Draco devoured her mouth as if it were the first bite of food he'd had in a month and Anna let him take complete control as his teeth slid across her bottom lip, nipping gently and she moaned, pulling him closer to her body until they were pressed snug up against each other. She could feel him through his trousers and through her uniform skirt and she shivered at the thought of what was concealed under his pants.
He broke away then and rested his face in the crook of her neck as she tried to calm her breathing. Her fingers played with the strands of hair that clung to his neck.
"Just because you can kiss me doesn't make what you do with Pansy any different than what I would do with Michael," she whispered.
He leaned back to look at her, his eyes filled with lust. "It's so different, Gilbert."
"Tell me why, then," she said and she realized just how close he was. He hadn't allowed himself to get this close to her since that first night she'd followed him here and the action still had her legs quivering with need. "Explain it to me, make me understand why it's different."
His gaze dropped from hers and he groaned low in his throat, leaning in to press his forehead against hers. She still stared up at him even though his had his eyes tightly shut. She could see him struggling with himself, debating on what to do next and she was shaking with anticipation.
"I can't," he finally whispered.
Anna licked her lips and took a deep breath. She couldn't do this anymore. She finally placed both of her hands on his chest and pushed gently, moving him enough so that she could slip out from under his broad shoulders. He turned and looked at her with confused eyes and she just shrugged.
"I can't keep doing this, Draco," she admitted. "I can't keep pretending like there's nothing going on between us and I can't keep kidding myself into thinking that you might actually take control over something in your life."
"I do-"
She held her hand up to stop him. "I'm not going to argue with you anymore. I'm going to the Ball with Michael and you aren't going to make me feel bad about it. And….I'm just going to leave you alone for a while, maybe you'll be able to figure out what you want."
He started to say something else but she just shook her head. "Goodbye, Draco," she said and then walked away, desperate to get out of the room before he could tell that she was about to start crying. Bloody hell, she should be crying. It seemed that's all she did lately was cry like a whiny little girl. She needed to stop being so bloody weak. It wasn't he fault that Draco was an indecisive git, she needed to focus on herself.
But it was so hard. She didn't want to leave Draco in there by himself, she wanted to stay in there with him, to figure out how to make their….situation work, dammit, she just wanted to be with him. But she couldn't keep waiting for him to make up his mind, it was tearing her apart. He was so up and down, one minute he'd act like he wanted her, the next…nothing. The feelings she was having for Draco were scary and overbearing and it was so hard for her not to act on them, how could he not feel what she felt?
She went back to her dorm that night and cried herself to sleep for the first time since her parents died and in her hand she clutched the Malfoy family crest tightly against her chest.
He watched his brunette leave the room without a backwards glance and willed himself to stay rooted in place. It took every ounce of his being not to go racing after her and demand her to stay with him. He'd been struggling all night with himself, resisting the urge he had to just push her up against the wall and kiss her.
Who the hell did she think she was? Was he not giving her everything he could just by being near her and associating himself with her? Surely she couldn't expect much more than that. And he honestly wasn't sure if he could allow himself to give her anything more. But shouldn't that be enough?
She wanted him to explain why being with Pansy was so different than her being with someone other than him and he had to restrain himself from blurting out the reasons. He couldn't tell her that it was because he needed a way to release himself so that he could be near her without losing control. He couldn't tell her that he imagined her in place of Pansy, her green eyes looking at him, her hands touching him, her hair tangling in his fingers. He couldn't tell her that he wasn't really with Pansy because in his head, he was with her, every time.
She wanted him to choose, that much was obvious. She hadn't asked outright, but he knew that she was thinking it in her head. It made him furious at her that she would even ask him to do that but at the same time, he was furious with himself because he was no longer sure what his decision would be. The fucking girl had rubbed off on him and he knew it. He no longer felt the same way about Blood Status as he had before, it was no longer a factor in his actions. Blood was all the same, no matter who it comes from. So would he still choose the side that he no longer agreed with?
He had no bloody idea. All he knew is that Gilbert was gradually becoming the better option.
When she told him she was going with that sodding git Corner to the dance, he'd nearly had a coronary. How could she even consider going with Corner? He was an imbecile, more so than even Crabbe or Goyle. He was no doubt just trying to shag her, he knew it, he could feel it. And she was completely oblivious to his intentions. He had no choice but to go to the dance, he had to make sure that the slimy ass kept his hands to himself.
She said she was going to leave him alone and he hoped to hell that she was bluffing. He wouldn't be able to handle it if she stopped talking to him. It should have made him happy that she was gone but it didn't. Instead, it made him feel cold and empty. The cabinet was fixed. Done. With Theo and Blaise helping him the past few weeks, they'd managed to get it repaired and he had finished it that night, just before Gilbert had come and he'd all but broken down in front of her, thank Salazar he was able to get a hold of himself before he spilled his soul to her. All that was left to do now was wait until the right time. And yet….he didn't feel accomplished, he felt…..like a traitor. How was that possible? He'd done what he was supposed to do, he'd fulfilled half of his mission, it was all downhill from here, wasn't it?
Wrong. It wasn't because he still had to kill Dumbledore and he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. Even with the weight of his mother's life on his shoulders, he was almost positive he wouldn't be able to succeed. But he had no choice but to try.
He wondered what Gilbert would think of him after she discovered what he was doing. She knew he was a Death Eater, she'd seen his Dark Mark and yet, she still didn't hate him like she should. Sometimes he wished that she did hate him, it would be so much easier to just leave her alone if she still despised him like she used to. It would make him feel better about himself too and maybe he'd be able to get her off of his mind as well.
He trudged back to his dorm, intent on finding Parkinson and going to the broom closet and also telling her that he'd be attending the dance and that she would be going with him. It wasn't too late so he found her in the common room looking like she was trying to cozy up to Adrian Pucey who didn't seem to want anything to do with her. She obediently followed him to the broom closet when she noticed him though.
When they were both secured in the closet, she leaned in and kissed him and he let her, trying to get lost in her lips but the image of Gilbert wouldn't leave his mind. Before she could deepen the kiss, he pushed her away.
"What-"
"Are you going to the Spring Ball?" he demanded.
She swallowed. "Yes, Terrence asked me to go with him."
"Cancel," he told her firmly. "You're going with me now."
The giddiness on her face was obvious and she almost jumped for joy at the news. "I thought you said you didn't want to go."
He didn't want to go. At least not with her. "I've changed my mind."
She seemed satisfied with his answer and got back to business, leaning in to kiss him again and she wrapped her arms around his neck. His hands went to her waist and he walked them back until she was pressed up against the door.
Pansy started to unbutton his shirt and he leaned back and watched her expert hands move down to his waist, undoing the buttons with ease and then running her cold hands over the skin of his stomach and chest. He closed his eyes and couldn't help but imagine a different pair of hands doing that to him.
Her kisses became hungrier and he tried to return them but….something was off. He couldn't get into it. He was kissing her back but it was forced and….stiff. Usually he took control and could eventually enjoy himself but tonight it was different. He couldn't stop thinking about Gilbert and her words and he wasn't even focusing on his need for release. In fact, he couldn't even feel it anymore.
Pansy's hands went to his pants and she started to undo his belt buckle when his hands grabbed hers, stopping her movements.
"Draco?" she asked, looking up at him with befuddled eyes. "Is everything okay?"
Draco licked his lips and he tried to push past his sudden reluctance as he nodded and she leaned up and kissed him again and this time, he knew he had to stop it. The whole thing became wrong to him then and he couldn't take it if she touched him again.
"Stop," he demanded and she immediately backed off, staring up at him with that same look of astonishment. "I'm….not in the mood tonight."
She laughed. "What? Since when is Draco Malfoy not in the mood for sex?"
He didn't answer and she just moved in again, snaking a hand around his neck and bringing his head down to kiss him again. He let her do it, hoping to Salazar that it felt better this time but it didn't. His lips were still as she kissed them and he could sense her aggravation as his reluctance.
"Enough," he said again and pushed her back a step.
Pansy glared at him and placed her hands on her hips and he was suddenly reminded of how Gilbert stood when she was angry at him. Exactly like that, except the brunette looked much sexier when she did it, her hips jutting out to one side as she shifted her weight to one leg-
"What the hell is wrong with you tonight? You're so tense, let me help you," she said and started to reach for him again but he batted her hands away.
"Leave me be," he growled. "I told you, I'm not in the mood for your shit tonight."
"I could give you a massage to help you relax," her voice was seductive but he had no use for it.
He rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Parkinson. Find a dress for the dance and make sure it's not that ugly one you wore at the Yule Ball."
He didn't stay to hear her retaliation because he knew she'd listen anyways. Instead, he wracked his brain for an answer as to why he had just done what he did. Why had he refused Pansy? It wasn't any different from any other time they'd met in the broom closet, so what made him push her away?
The answer was simple and he hated that he had to admit it. Gilbert's words had gotten to him. When he was kissing Pansy, all he felt was guilt and the utter sense of betrayal, like he was betraying Anna.
They weren't even fucking dating. They weren't even fooling around! They've only kissed for Christ sake! He had no physical ties to her whatsoever, so why did he feel like that? Why did he all of a sudden feel like he couldn't touch another girl?
God dammit, what the hell was happening to him?