Many thanks to the wonderful Spiffythefaery.

Disclaimer: I don't own X-Men: Evolution or any of the characters therein.

            "If Pyro and Deadpool would stop fooling around, we could get started," Magneto growled.

            The two mutants looked up from their self-proclaimed "Greatest, Most Epic Thumb War Ever!"

            "Thank you. Now that I have your undivided attention, please look at this," he said, hitting a large map with a small plastic pointer.

            "What is that?" Sabretooth asked

            "This is a map of the compound. You will notice that there is a large cement wall enclosing the entire area. It is too high to leap. It is constructed out of solid concrete. It can not be scaled. It can not be demolished."

            "And you can't fly over it?" Mystique asked.

           "Flying would be a potential solution. Except for these," Magneto pointed to several large boxes along the outer wall. "There are guard towers at set intervals. These towers are armed with long barreled sniper rifles, loaded with massive sedative darts. The darts are capable of piercing an elephant's hide which means flying is out of the question."

            "So this is why Forge has been digging a massive tunnel for the past couple of weeks."

            "Yeah, with no help from you," the inventor snapped.

            "Hey! I was hiding all the dirt you dug up. Do you have any idea how much dirt there was? Do you know what I had to do to make all that dirt stay hidden?"

            "You passed most of it off in the cafeteria," Forge replied.

            "Slipped some of it into the prescription bottles."

            "Sold some of it to the cocaine rehabbers."

            "Made a sculpture garden out of dirt."

            "Shut up! The lot of you!."

            "Back to the topic at hand!" Magneto demanded and silence descended. "Forge has expertly dug a tunnel for us. This tunnel is complicated and has many twists and turns, as can be seen here," he flipped the page to show a diagram.

            "You will all memorize this. You can't afford to get lost under there. You probably won't make it out."

            "I could. I learned how to speak to moles as a young child."

            "You are the weirdest person I have ever met," Mystique said. "And I lived with the Brotherhood."

            "The issue for the moment is what to do when we escape. According to Forge, there are three exits outside the compound. We will not be exiting simultaneously and we need to have disguises and proper documentation ready for when we escape. I have no doubt that Chilton will immediately attempt to round us up.

            "I want you all to spend the day thinking of a cover story. You will run them by me before they are finalized. Forge and Mystique will take care of making the documents. The rest of you will gather the materials necessary for proper disguises, so, once on the outside, we may seamlessly blend in.

            "If there are no questions, you are all dismissed."

            Ulysses was in the group room, trying to figure out a disguise that he could use for the escape. His pondering was interrupted by the arrival of Pyro and Deadpool.

            He cast a baleful glance at the duo. "What do you want?"

            "Do we need a reason for coming in here?" Pyro protested, albeit with a sheepish grin.

            Ulysses shrugged. "Guess not. Do you guys have disguises yet?"

            Pyro shook his head. "Nah, Boss shot our ideas down."

            "It could have worked! We totally could have pulled off being a singing family forced to flee across the Alps!" 1

            "Seriously?" Ulysses asked as Pyro nudged Deadpool in the ribs.

            "I told you it was a dumb idea."

            "Oh yeah, because your idea of having us dress up as nuns was better."

            "I stand by that! No one would have bothered messing with the clergy!" 2 

            Ulysses sighed. "I'm trying to think of an acceptable idea, would you leave?"

            "Actually, we did have a reason for coming in."

            "What?"

            "Well, we noticed that everyone in this group is supposed to be a mutant. So what exactly can you do?"

            Ulysses paused. "Do?"

            "Your mutant powers, moron. What fantastically awesome stuff can you do?"

            "I don't know."

            "What do you mean you don't know?"

            "I don't know."

            "How could you not know?"

            "Never tried to figure it out before."

            "That's not right. Only Wolverine is allowed to have an ill-defined past with fuzzy memories. Everyone else has to have a clear and well established back-story, including full knowledge of their mutant powers! So, we're going to help you figure it out now!"

            "That is quite possibly the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

            Sabretooth pouted. "I thought it was a good idea."

            "Just because you have an affinity for clowns does not mean we could pass as a traveling circus."

            "But you could be the ringmaster."

            "I already am, but we couldn't create a passable setup in time. Besides, even if we could, don't you think that a random circus with only seven people would seem suspicious?"

            "Oh."

            "Go away."

            "Let's start with the basic level powers. Do you have heightened senses?"

            "How would I know?"

            "Then no. How about a healing factor?"

            "Not sure."

            "Then we'll have to test it. Hold still. This is going to hurt. A lot," Deadpool said as he advanced on Ulysses holding two large knives.

            "Why do I have to make the fake documents and the costumes?" Forge protested.

            "Why do you think?"

            "Because you hate me?"

            "Even though I do, that is not the reason," Magneto replied. "You can make anything you think of. So of our motley crew, who else would be able to make passable documents and costumes?"

             "Mystique?"

            "If she finds out you suggested she do menial chores, she'll remove your kidneys."

            "Well, I'm not going to make them until you're nice to me."

            "You're going to make them and you're going to do it now!"

            "Or what?"

            Magneto sighed as a metallic hum filled the room. Forge's metal arm rose into the air, bringing the rest of him along for the ride. Which happened to be a short one because it was promptly hurled into a wall.

            "So definitely no healing factor," Pyro remarked.

            "Now what?" the heavily bandaged Ulysses asked.

            "Telekinetic. After that: superspeed, teleportation, enhanced strength, and my personal favorite pyrokinesis!"

            "This is going to be a long day."

            "Here."

            Magneto looked up at Forge. "What are these?"

            "Fake documents for everyone."

            Magneto took the papers and shuffled through them. "I don't recall giving you these cover stories."

            "I made some of them up."

            "Why is my alias Baron Riesiger Scheissekopf?" 3

            "I felt it described you well. And I already made the costume. Lederhosen!"

            "The only reason you're still alive at this moment is because no one else could fix your mistake."

            "Don't take it so harshly. I made Mystique a porn star."

            "You do realize that she will actually kill you?"

            Forge shrugged. "I'll take my chances."

            Magneto frowned. "Give Mystique and Sabretooth their papers and disguises. I'll deal with the others."

            Magneto walked into the group therapy room to see Ulysses, Pyro, and Deadpool jubilantly shouting and jumping around.

            "What are you idiots doing?"

            "We've just figured out what Ulysses' mutant power is!" Pyro said.

            "Oh?"

            "Yeah! We figured that since he's in therapy with us he must be a mutant too. But we couldn't figure out what his power was for the longest time but we finally figured it out."

            "And it is?"

            "I'm telepathic!" Ulysses proudly declared.

            Magneto raised an eyebrow. "And how, exactly, did you discover that?"

            "I read their minds."

            "No. You simply happen to know what they were thinking because they have one track minds."

            "I don't have a one track mind. I have an 8- track mind. It can play music."

            "Besides, even if they have one track minds, what are the odds on me getting exactly what they were thinking?"

            Magneto sighed dramatically and he pinched his nose. "Because the three of you have no common sense."

            "You're just jealous."

            "Pyro's thinking of fire. Deadpool is thinking of killing people."

            "How'd you do that? Are you psychic too, Boss?"

            "What do you think?"

            "How come everyone gets six powers now? Not only do you have cosmically powerful metal wielding powers but you also get to be a psychic? Not fair!"

            "I don't have psychic powers! You are all morons. Now here are your disguises and papers. We're meeting in an hour. Be there."

            Magneto turned and strode out of the room, hearing Pyro shout, "Can't you just implant the plan in our head?"

            "What do you want Mr. Grant?" Chilton asked through clenched teeth.

            Ulysses sat down across from the doctor. "Well, I had a question for you."

            "What?"

            "What are my powers?"

            Chilton blinked. "Powers?"

            "Yeah. My mutant powers. I mean, everyone else in the group is a mutant so I have to be one to. But I don't know what I can do."

            "If you don't know why do you think I would?"

            "Well, I imagine someone put it down on my file when I got checked in."

            Chilton glared at him for a brief moment before pulling a file from his desk drawer. He scanned it quickly before looking up. "I don't know."

            "What do you mean?"

            "According to your file, you have non-descriptive powers. But whatever you can do, it is incredibly destructive."

            "So I make stuff blow up?"

            Chilton frowned. "Why do you want to know what you can do anyway? Unlike the others, you have shown no interest in your powers. In fact, by virtue of that, you are the only one who doesn't use mutant powers as a crutch for other emotional issues. You're much more mentally stable because of it."

            Ulysses shrugged. "I was just wondering about it."

            "You shouldn't wonder about it. In fact, you should forget all about it."

            Mystique looked up as Ulysses entered the group room. "What did he say?"

            "Non-descript and very destructive."

            "Well, that's something to start with," she replied as Magneto walked into the filled group room. Everybody grew silent at his entrance.

            "By now, you all should have your identification papers and outfits for the escape. You'll have to store them in your pillow cases when we finally tunnel out of here," he said, turning to face the compound map.

            "There are three exits from the tunnel. Pyro, Deadpool, and Ulysses will emerge from the exit to the west, near the tree line. Sabretooth and Forge will exit from the east, near the lake. Since Mystique and I are best able to make a quick get away, we will exit to the south, near the empty field.

            "According to reports, there will be no moon tomorrow night and the darkness will provide us with cover. We will go over the final details later, but let there be no doubt, this is our last night here. We are going to escape!"

1 - from theSound of Music

2 – Spiffythefaery noted that nuns are not clergy. But I thought was funnier to have Pyro say that.

3 – German for "Enormous Shit Head." At least he's got a fancy title too.