Disclaimer: The Last Lonely Cullen is a work of fanfiction. All character names and locations associated with Twilight belong to Stephanie Meyer and her publishing company Little Brown. In no way do I make any profit from this story, and no copyright infringement is intended.
Wow, okay so I know it's been forever and I swear I actually have been working on the story! (Though it's been minimal. I'm adjusting to University life. I'm not in a great place to write. University = worst decision ever….just for me though ) So I was reading a message from my beta today and she told me that chapters 10 and 11 were not posted yet. I damn near flipped. These chapters have been ready for a really long time! And I seriously thought I'd posted them! I guess not, but here they are!
I am so sorry for those of you who waited. I hope you like!
Chapter 10
The following weekend at my house with Isabella was a long one. I was determined to let her think about what she really wanted. As much as it pained me to do it, I did not have any physical contact with her except a hug before she went to sleep on Saturday night. I could see the contemplation in her face whenever she looked at me. She scrutinized my every move, slowly digested my every word to her. Even though I could not read her thoughts I found myself sometimes knowing what she was thinking from her overly expressive face. I knew she wondered if she could have faith in me when we had only known each other for a couple of months. This of course was a legitimate fear, but I hoped with all of my heart that she would choose yes. I was so drawn to her. As always I watched her when she watched me. Nothing she did or said ever escaped me.
There was one thing that Bella was sure about and that one thing was she seemed sure that she did not want to hurt me. On Friday evening after a long silence had fallen between us she turned to me and caught my eye.
"You wish to say something?" I had asked her, giving her a small smile of encouragement. One day I hoped she would never hesitate in saying anything to me. One day Bella would simply blurt out what was on her mind because she would trust me, and want me to know.
"I'm still thinking, I just keep fighting with myself. No, yes, no, yes, no, yes. Yes I want to learn to trust again and have the things you think would be wonderful for us. But at the same time, no, I do not want to be with you and risk hurting you more. You were so right about my fronts and my behavior from before, I don't want those things to hurt you because they just won't go away instantly. I'm just like that." I nodded and before I could even try to process this Bella started up again. "And you know Edward, things may never get passed a certain point with us and you just have to understand that..." Words had flooded from her lips that night like never before and they were honest, and filled with so many emotions I could not identify. I examined every shift of her voice, and every change in tone to pick out what she felt most strongly about with me and how she really felt at this moment. I had smiled and not trusted myself to say anything in reply, because I knew it would just sway her decision to the one I hoped it to be.
On Sunday when I had gone to drop Bella of at her house she had made me stay and spend some time with her father while she did her homework.
"If I have to get to know Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie I'm sure you can handle getting to know my father." She'd said and dragged me inside. Charlie as always, had been quite welcoming and asked how things between Bella and myself were progressing. I was shy about answering some of his questions but he just kept prying when I tried to give vague answers. He asked many questions about just me as well. Where was I planning to go to school? Was I willing to settle for less than Ivy League? Was I willing to live off campus in a house with Bella? How often did I want to come home? Was my family planning to move to be closer when we were all away in University?
Some of the harder questions came later in the night and he took the answers very well.
"So Edward, are you gonna hold off on the grandkids until your done med school or can I expect one nine months after the honeymoon?" I bit my lip and looked away from him. Something else I envied about humans...the ability to raise a child that was their own. I wanted it, so badly I wanted it. But I could not,
"Sir...I guess my father may not have mentioned to you. I am not able to have children-" he held up a hand.
"I'm sorry I mentioned it. I hope I didn't bring up something upsetting."
"To be honest Sir, I would love to have a family of my own. Esme tells me I would make a good father, and I hope I would live up to her idea of me. I love children, to have one of my own would be wonderful."
"Well, there are...you know...other options for you and Bella should you, you know... seriously want a family." I nodded and he smiled, "Think about it," once again I nodded and Charlie steered his questions away from children.
The most interesting question came near the end of the night when I had told him I should probably be on my way soon since I had school the next day.
"Will you be swinging by next weekend to help Bella move her stuff to your house?" he'd asked. I swallowed and chuckled to myself lightly and then heard a loud thump from upstairs. I knew it was Bella falling off the bed in shock. I knew she'd been listening to every word I'd said all night. I also knew that she had forgotten about having to move in with me so soon. I could almost feel the arguments start to build up in her. For me this was the decision. If living with me was so damn terrifying then how could she try and be romantic with me? But I would wait for her reasoning and decision which I felt were coming sooner rather than later.
Bella came down the stairs then before I could answer Charlie. She was looking as beautiful and breathtaking as ever. Her long baggy clothes that she slept in were hanging off of her but still made her look like an angelic creature that did not belong to this earth. I had smiled at her warmly and she returned it with a little less feeling. The idea of moving in so quickly has obviously sparked a fear inside of her. I'd bid her goodnight and before she could ask for another hug I was out the door
"Edward!" I heard and stopped, Charlie would not be impressed with me if I took off while Bella was calling for me. Turning I stood on her doorstep. "Come back!" I walked into the sitting room and arms folded around my stomach. "I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yes Bella, I'll pick you up for school if you want." Bella smiled and I rubbed her back softly.
"Please," I lifted one of her hands and barely touched my lips to her knuckles. Charlie smiled from his chair and I touched Bella's cheek softly.
"Until tomorrow." Turning from her once again I ran to my Volvo, and drove like a mad man to get back to my house.
Now, I rolled over and glanced at my clock, it read 4:37am. My beautiful human creature would be sleeping soundly in her little bed. Her frail body was probably twisted up in the sheets, or maybe all her blankets had been kicked of onto the floor. It was quite warm for a November night. My heart felt jolted to life as I thought of her peacefully sleeping, silently wishing her pleasant dreams which Charlie had told me were infrequent as Bella routinely had nightmares. I found this odd considering she never had them here as far as I could tell...then again I couldn't read her dreams like every other human, and I'd never actually watched her sleep.
This was something I longed to do, to see Bella with her guard completely gone. Just laying there without conscious thought or emotion. The last two nights she had stayed at my house I almost broke my promise. I wished to see her so bad that I stood at the bottom of the steps all night wanting to go to her, something inside of me needed to be there. She was so vulnerable in sleep. In my head she looked perfect. Sometimes she would sigh in her sleep, or groan, which made me whine and croon, wishing I could be with her. Emmett had laughed and called me pathetic. Growling, I crouched and threatened him
"Leave it alone Emmett. I love her enough to leave her be if she wishes. No matter how much it hurts I will do it for her. I don't take kindly to your judgment on what I do. It is far from pathetic if it is out of love.". I heard Emmett say in his mind that it made no sense to not be with someone you loved and I just shook my head. "You should understand it better than most." I quipped and he growled.
"Don't bring that up! Things are different!" I nodded and he whispered a quick apology before leaving to find his wife. The relationship he shared with Rose was intensely physical, and it might be hard for him to separate that physical aspect from thoughts of love now. How lovely that must be...
Pulling away from my memories once again, I rolled over on my couch and looked at the book I'd been attempting to read. It did not seem as appealing now that my thoughts had strayed to by mate. Laying it down I smiled and continued with my thoughts. With Bella in my life I no longer could complain that things were monotonous . She made everything seem so interesting, daily I found myself wanting to be at school simply so we could be together. All last week I had been trying to make Bella see that we were engaged and I was almost sure we were overheard when I'd said it in the cafeteria. A blond girl sitting one table away from us had heard part of my angry blow up.
"If they're engaged then where's the diamond?" I'd heard in her thoughts. Since then I was contemplating asking Bella to wear a ring, my mother's ring to be more precise. I kept it in my pocket and fingered it whenever she smiled at me or whenever she touched my hand. I had to wait for her decision now though, everything about us was dependent upon whether or not she wanted to give a real relationship with me a try. I was becoming nervous with waiting everyday to see if she brought it up again, but I had told her to take her time. Why did I always do this to myself? I don't think I will ever know the answer to the question. It seemed like every time I turned around I was just doing everything to make myself more miserable. Maybe I was too used to miserable... I had been that way for many years now.
Any other night I would be content to lay here and think of Bella. Dreaming about all the possibilities of the life we had the potential to lead together was more than enough to make me smile, play my piano and be happy and joking with my family. My mother was upstairs thinking about me and my new attitude right now. She was so thrilled that I was happy to be with Bella. My mind wandered through the house for a few moments and I stood to go find someone to interact with.
"EDWARD! EDWARD! COME HERE!" Alice's thoughts screamed at me. It caught me off guard slightly to be addressed directly in her head, and the fact that she was screaming her thoughts had been unpleasant. I shook my head and wondered how something so tiny could make a noise that loud with thought. Alice would never cease to amaze me.
"No need to yell Alice," I said walking into her room on the opposite end of the hallway. Alice was sitting in a small chair with her legs crossed in something that could barely pass for clothing.
"Wow Alice!...This is something I did not need to see." I yelled, she laughed.
"I'm waiting for Jazz idiot, now I had a vision-" I opened my mouth to cut her off but she held up a finger. "Let me finish Edward. I just wanted to say that maybe it's best you called Bella and didn't go to school today. They're blood typing in biology for one and for another I foresee you getting quite angry about something, and it'll all be a misunderstanding anyways." My mouth fell open and I was shocked. How could I just not see Bella? I could not go an extra twenty-four hours without being with her. The thought was ludicrous, ridiculous, absurd even!
"Alice! I can't just not see Bella. It is like you just not seeing Jazz. What can happen that would be so bad?"
"Your funeral, trust me." she chirped and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just the psychic one...but...since when do I know anything?" I smirked at her sarcasm and looked around the room
"Show me." I murmured with a sigh, giving into her.
"Sorry?" Alice asked "What did you say?"
"Alice, don't push this, let me see the vision!" it came out as a snap. I calmed myself
"Let me see the vision what?" she asked cupping her hand to her ear,
"Let me see the vision...please" I growled at her. Alice stuck out her tongue at me and I narrowed my eyes into a glare but I broke it with a smile. We both laughed. "Please Alice?"
"That's the word I was looking for." She let the vision fill her mind and I watched carefully.
Bella and I were walking to her first class, she reached for my hand and I smiled and took hers. When we reached the door of her class we parted ways after I brushed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Bella was sitting beside me at lunch her hand resting on my leg I had my hand in my pocket. The word ring left my mouth and I took it out and showed it to her. She stood up and said she didn't want it and walked out. I was screaming at Bella in the parking lot, she was cowering on the ground.-
I pulled myself away from Alice's thoughts unable to watch myself cause Bella anymore pain.
"No more Alice, I will not go." Alice nodded with a small grimace on her face. Her thoughts turned sympathetic. I felt a rush of warmth and love towards my sister. It seemed she cared about me being with Bella more than anybody did.
"I just wanted to warn you. I want her to love you too Edward, and it'll happen faster if you spend a day apart." I nodded.
"Alice...when is all of this going to stop?" I hated that I was so out of control and easily let my anger take hold of me when it came to my mate.
"I honestly don't know that Edward." she smiled. "Things can only go up from here, right?" I nodded.
"Thanks,"
"You don't need to thank me. We all want you to be happy." Alice gave me one final smile and I walked out without another word. Isabella's beautiful face kept flashing into my head, it was disfigured with fear and...guilt? Maybe she was sorry for rejecting me? I groaned to myself and tried to not think about her hurting. I replayed Alice's vision in my mind focusing mainly on the first happy parts. Mostly I let myself see my lips gently pressed to her forehead and I remembered how it felt last week. I longed so much to do that again, to touch my lips to all of her and worship her body. It would be amazing to feel her soft lips against mine, to see her writhe in pure pleasure under my touch, hear her ask for more as my hands skimmed over her body...I shuddered with desire for her. My beautiful Bella...who I couldn't see today. I had to distract myself if I hoped to get through the day with my sanity.
I made my way down to my piano and thought of my music. I ran my fingers up and down several scales, instantly relaxing. The tone of each key soothed me in a way that nothing else could. My music held my love more than anything, except for Bella. Again there I go thinking about Bella. I had to stop, but I found myself not able to. I let my memories of her consume me as a new tune began to form in my mind. It was slow, mournful even but it had a peaceful feeling floating in the background, a calming aura that I could associate with Bella's beauty. Beginning to play it slowly, I let it progress, only stopping to write down the notes on a fresh supply of staff paper I had sitting in front of me. The song captivated me, it was so very her, so very everything I could feel when we were together. I inhaled deeply, wishing that I was able to smell her somewhere in my house. I longed for her to be close, but her potent scent was not there. I let out a small growl that sounded expectant and full of longing.
'Oh, he misses her...' I heard my mother upstairs. I did miss Bella. I wanted her close to me at all times. I wondered what we would be doing if we were together right now. It would probably be another day of awkward stiff hugs and longing looks from me, curious ones from her. Even so, it would be enough just to be near to her. Another growl left me but this time it was low and pining. Sighing I looked over my notes again and played. Images of Bella continued to dance around my head as I found the ending I wanted for the song. I pictured Bella watching me play this for her, would she like it? I hoped. Finishing the last of the notation, I stood. Wasn't I suppose to be distracting myself? This clearly was not helping.
It was now 7:15 and I was basically finished my new song. I gathered the pages in order and took my pencil and placed the title over it. 'A song for Isabella'. I placed the pages upstairs in my room before grabbing my cell phone to call my Bella and inform her that I would not see her today. My mind wandered a little before I dialed the phone. How would Bella react to not seeing me today? Would she be sad? Would she want to see me? Probably not, I decided. As much as I could fantasize and will Bella to love me, the simple fact was that at this moment, she did not. Maybe she would never. I pinched my nose. She was thinking about it, she was considering a life with me. That was all I could ask of her. Glancing at the clock again I dialed her number, hoping she would already be up.
"Hello." Bella's voice said from the other end of the phone. My whole body shook, and I felt...relief. It was wonderful to hear her. I swallowed and closed my eyes as I felt soothed. "Hello?" she said more insistently.
"Hi, Isabella, It's Edward." I said. I wondered if she would be able to hear my smile in my voice.
"Hi Edward, how are you?"
"I'm well, thank you. Bell I just called to say I'm not going into school today. Do you still have a way there?" Maybe I could just drive her to school? Would that still spark the fight between us?
"Yes, I've got my truck. Why aren't you coming? It's not sunny..." she answered, there was sadness in her voice, and I felt triumphant. Bella wanted to see me.
"You'll see in biology class Bell." I said skipping over Alice's vision in my head. Shuffling on the other end told me Bella had switched to hold the phone on the other side of her head. She was chewing her lip softly.
"Well...can-...maybe I could come visit after class?" she sounded hesitant at her own suggestion. I didn't say anything, wondering if Alice just meant we should not see each other at school. Surely it would be safe to bring her here...I could just be sure to not bring up wearing an engagement ring. "Never mind Edward, I'm sorry it was rude of me to invite myself over like that..." she began,
"No, Bella. Please do not apologize. I would love to see you after school today. " I let my selfish Bella-wanting side come through. I wanted to be with her now, but waiting eight hours wasn't so bad.
"See you then Edward." her voice was light, and maybe cheerful. I hoped she was wanting to see me. I opened my mouth to ask her but stopped myself. Instead I said,
"Have a good day my Bell. I'll be waiting for you."
We both hung up the phone and I went to find something to distract myself for the day. Maybe I would go hunting...
Eight hours had never been so long. I spent the day in my special meadow laying under the clouds watching them pass by, and singing to myself softly. As usual, I was completely unsuccessful at taking my thoughts away from the tiny human that was given to me, but it had been amazing to lay there and think of Isabella. I remembered her soft smile, and the warmth that radiated from her skin. She was so beautiful, sublime, the picture of perfection that I had longed for, and yet she was so imperfect. Most importantly, she was mine, completely, wholly pledged to be only and forever mine. This thought brought me the comfort and persuasion it took to keep me from running to the school to watch her through the thoughts of others. All day I missed her and was now ready to be near her again. She was just minutes away.
I was running as fast as I could to make it back to my place on time before Bella would arrive there. When I could hear the river rushing by I knew I was close. A crooning noise of want left me as the house came into my line of sight. There she was, here because she had asked to be.
"He's just stepped out, he'll be home soon." I heard Esme saying to Bella. I could already smell her. I jumped the river and seconds later walked into the back door of the house. Alice, Jasper and Emmett were sitting with Bella in the kitchen I joined them and my Bella smiled at me.
"Hey," she whispered when I took a seat across from her. I gave her a one sided grin and turned my attention to Alice who was jabbering on about wedding plans. Would this never end? I thought Bella had made it pretty clear that she wanted to plan her own wedding, yet Alice insisted on bringing it up at every chance.
"Well Bella, are you sure you want to get married in June? We stand so much of a risk of sunlight if you do, and considering the whole town is going to come, we can't really risk it. You can't have a wedding if the groom can't be there." She was saying. Bella looked horrified and clenched her two hands together. I touched her arm softly as my brow creased with concern.
"Bella, are you okay?" I asked. She moved her arms from my touch and I forced myself not to reach for her again. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye.
"I was under the impression that since I'm the one getting married I would have some sort of control over these types of things." she said her gaze turning to Alice.
"What types of things?" I pushed
"The guest list for one. I don't want too much of anyone there really... Shouldn't I get to choose who gets an invite...and you should choose too Edward. I thought I told you Alice, this is just for family. Meaning the people living in this house and Charlie. That's it, I don't want anyone else there." Bella explained, and it was true. She'd told us all that her wedding was to be a small family affair.
"Bella, my dear Bella. You do whatever you want for that day. Hell, I'll take you to Vegas, just the two of us if you'd like." I knew she would like this idea, and I'd do whatever it took to make her happy. Her eyes found mine again and there was a gleam dancing around the deep brown.
"Really?" she paused and a look of joy overcame her "That would be great Edward!" her smile was contagious but mine faded as something very loud, piercing and scary was happening in my head, it took me about three seconds to realize it was Alice thinking. I brought a hand to my head.
"Alice! God! Stop!" I yelled. She then vocalized her thoughts,
"Absolutely NOT! I WILL NOT be robbed of the chance to plan this wedding." Bella sighed a little and looked sad. I glared at my sister, and she smirked right back at me."Vegas Edward? Come on, You've told me for at least four decades that you wanted the whole tux and white dress scene, with a big dance and honeymoon, and all the traditions in the book." I sighed, knowing that her words were true but it wasn't up to me.
"I want what Isabella wants, it's her special day. You want to plan a wedding so bad Alice? Re-marry Jasper." Jasper shot me a look that told me if he had to get remarried, he'd rip me to shreds. I shrugged at him, Bella would have what she wanted, regardless of the consequences. Bella was now squirming in her seat with her teeth tugging at her lip. Her hand strayed toward mine momentarily but she seemed to think better of it. I frowned and touched her arm gently again.
"Bella! I thought we were friends!" Alice turned on Bella now. I immediately knew this was going to hurt Bella a lot and make her cave giving Alice exactly what she wanted. Bella considered Alice her best friend. They spent more time together than even Isabella and myself did.
"I hardly think that's fair Ali." came Emmett's voice. I was surprised but grateful he said something,
"Thank you," I said looking at him. "Alice, don't manipulate. You know perfectly well that Bella considers you her best friend. She likes you better than she likes me! Let her have her day Alice, she deserves it to be how she wants it to be. Nothing more or nothing less. Bella is the bride this time so let it go." I moved to stand behind Bella's chair when I said this. I placed one hand on her shoulder and rubbed the pad of my thumb over it hoping to soothe the pain I knew Bella was feeling.
"Fine go to Vegas, have some tacky wedding with no pictures, no memories and don't worry you'll regret it! I've already seen that much! Just don't expect me to help when you guys decide to do another one in 18 months here!" Alice stood and actually shot Bella a glare and I swear I could hear Bella's heart break. Alice left shortly followed by Jasper who stopped to tell Bella that it didn't matter to him either way.
"I'll bring Ali around Bella. Don't you worry about a thing." Bella gave him a soft smile without meeting his eyes. "Chin up," he whispered and bumped her chin with his fist. She looked Jasper in the eyes and flinched away. They were deeply black for his lack of hunting but his thoughts did not hold the idea of thirst toward her right now. "Don't be afraid." My brother whispered. "I would not hurt you. I may be newest vampire here, but I am stable." Bella nodded and very gently laid a hand on Jasper's shoulder. She was visibly shaking. 'I'll give it time. Rome wasn't built in a day, I suppose her fear won't just disappear that fast either,' Jasper thought. He bumped her chin once more and smoothed her hair before moving upstairs after his wife.
The briny smell of tears permeated the air and I sighed. I must admit I was unaware humans could cry so much. Bella had cried almost every time I had seen her, most of the time it was actually my fault. This time however it wasn't and as good as it felt to not be causing her pain, it still hurt just as much to see her want to cry. I continued to rub her shoulder and then gently ran my knuckles down the back of her arm. I was not very good at this physical comfort thing, but I just let my human instincts take over as much as they could. If all went well I would learn quickly about how to take care of Bella's emotional well being when she needed someone. I tried to be subtle in case she did not want my comfort at this moment, but the feeling of her skin against mine was amazing, so I continued to rub the back of her arm.
"Come on Bella, chin up! Just like Jazzy said." Emmett said coming over to her. Bella visibly flinched as he addressed her. "Alice is just being annoying. She still loves you all the same and she'll forgive you...eventually." Bella just nodded but would not meet Emmett's eyes. I had a feeling the sheer size of him was extremely intimidating to her. She was less comfortable with my brother's than anybody I had ever seen her interact with. Emmett saw that she was scared and sighed a little. His thoughts were sad.
"It's so wrong when someone's so down they're scared of me." Emmett was big, but he was a softy. His large body moved closer. He made a very bold move and scooped Bella up into one arm where she froze.
"It's okay." I whispered and she unfroze slightly. Her heartbeat was going into overdrive and a long ragged breath left her.
"Edward?" she murmured,
"He wouldn't hurt you. No one here would.". Emmett then wrapped his arms around her small frame and gave her a hug. "It's okay Bell."
"I'm not letting you go until I get a hug back!" Emmett sang. Bella lifted her arms and laid them around his neck. Emmett smirked. "Pitiful Bella, you call that a hug?" He moved his hold on her so he could dig his fingers into her ribs and tickle her. Bella shrieked and clung onto him tightly, begging him to stop. "There, was that so hard?" His arms held her back so he could look her in the eyes. Bella smiled brilliantly and hugged my brother again. The hug lingered and Emmett's thoughts were starting to become silly as he planned several situations to make Bella smile and feel more welcomed in our home. I whispered my thanks to my brother so low that Bella would not be able to hear me.
"For something so big and scary Emmett you're kinda like a teddy bear you know?" she asked as he set her back on her feet. They shared a smile,
"You've got nothing to be frightened of Izzy. I'm here to protect you just as much as Eddie is. You'll be the favorite of my sisters. I like you best already." he gave her a large goofy Emmett grin and Bella laughed a little.
"Izzy? Eddie?" she asked while still chuckling.
"Everyone gets a unique nickname from me. Now you're Izzy and Eddie...Perfect."
"I like it." Bella said. My face fell a little. If there was anything I couldn't stand in this world it was being called 'Eddie'. Emmett mussed up Bella's hair a little, flashed her another grin and then walked out of the kitchen leaving us alone. She turned to me and before I could protest her arms were around me. I gave her a small hug in return and gently pried her off of me. I hated to have to do this, but it was necessary.
"I never thought you'd turn down a big hug from me." she looked defeated as she said this and clasped her hands together.
"I'm sorry Bell, I am just trying to save myself a little pain." she nodded but still looked upset. It was easy to tell from her expression that she didn't understand why I would be in pain, or why I thought hugging her could make it worse. I sighed to myself and tried to distract her. "You know that I love to hold you in my arms," I murmured softly. Her eyes flew up to mine and she leaned into me ever so gently. Her arms moved to hang around my body. I leaned down and pressed my forehead gently to the top of hers.
"This isn't bad." she said.
"No, no it's not." I replied. When we fell away from the hug a silence filled in the distance between us. My feet shuffled slightly and I had to break this awkwardness between us. "So...Vegas? To hell with all this planning nonsense and we'll head down after prom?" I watched Bella's face fold into a smile.
"We can before prom actually. Since I'm not going...I mean...that is if you're not going to. If you're planning to go we can head down to Vegas the weekend after." I nodded and frowned a little. I had been hoping to give Bella a chance to go to prom. I was looking forward to finally having someone to go with. I wanted to take Bella to dance the night away with me, and give her that important right of passage out of high school...but I guess I could not give her that. My heart cracked a little but I swallowed the pain. It would not do me any good to argue with her about it, I could always ask questions though. Maybe she would want to go with me one day...
"Are you saying you would not go with me if I asked you to accompany me?" It was a harmless question, and it would be good to know the answer,
"I'd be really upset the entire night, but I would never say no to you."
"Never?" I grinned and reached out to touch her arm softly again, I simply could not resist.
"You're my fiancé Edward, like you said. I couldn't go with anyone else. Even if they asked me." I nodded my head and tried to fight my hopes down as she said this. She'd just admitted I was her fiancé! If I could drink it I would be popping champagne right now! YES! My beautiful tiny little darling human creature admitted that she was to be my wife, that she was my fiancée. I stopped my thoughts there and then reprimanded myself for using the word 'darling'. I then pulled myself out of my self scolding because I heard Bella say my name.
"You still with me Edward?" her eyes were laughing at my momentary space out.
"I'll never be anywhere else." I whispered back. Bella was pulling me in with her eyes, I so desperately wanted to touch her, to hold her. I had to get nearer to her. Taking a step towards her so there was no distance between our bodies I inhaled her scent. She looked slightly uncomfortable with this but she wiped it from her face quickly while locking our eyes together.
"So are you going to teach me how to do all this stuff?" I became overjoyed with her question and all I could do was nod and snake my arms around her tightly.
"Please tell me this isn't some sick joke, my heart simply cannot take much more." I whispered as I brought one hand up and tangled it in her hair. My other hand grabbed Bella's and made her hold it to my cheek and I turned my face into her hair and got lost in the scent. This smell was so thrilling to me, it calmed me and excited me all at the same time. I felt relaxed, aroused, loved and rejected. My heart grew and I could not hold back a smile. I knew my eyes were black with thirst and desire but I was in control, and I did not want to step away from the treat I was holding in my arms. I brought my face out of her hair and nuzzled her jaw and cheek with my nose growling to myself so low that Bella could not hear. I felt her skin run fiery hot with a blush and I sighed in contentment at the even stronger burst of smell.
"Edward, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing." She whispered very low, trying to pull her head away so she could look into my eyes. I closed them so she would not see the blackness and hunger for her swimming in them. I needed to feel more, I wanted everything with this girl and I pressed her more against me, and rested my hand over hers as it laid against my face.
"Holding me is all you need to do for now my Love." I knew Bella wanted to protest, but I could not let go yet. I wanted to get lost in her scent again.
I took her hand off my face and brought her wrist to my nose and inhaled deeply. She tried to free her hand but I tightened my grip. "No, please. Trust me." I whispered. She continued to try and pull away but I had to have this. I inhaled deeply over and over drinking her in, putting her scent to memory. Finally I released her arm and was disappointed when she chose not to snake it around my neck with the other one. Pulling her closer so she was completely pressed to me I ran my nose down her jawline and crooned lightly to myself reveling in the release of my love for her in this physical manner. It felt so right to hold her, it felt too good to nuzzle against her. I heard her whimper and pressed my forehead to hers so I could look into her eyes and try to ease her again.
"Ed-Edward..."
"Are you afraid Bella?" I knew she was and Bella frowned,
"Too fast...I don't..." she began, scrambling to find words and explain herself.
"Shhhh" I hushed her and watched her throat move as she gulped. I moved my head up and pressed my lips to her forehead like I had that night last week. I held them there for several minutes and finally pulled away from her, letting my arms fall back to my sides. Bella had an unreadable look on her face and I now realized that I'd let my desires get way too ahead of everything in the past few minutes. I let my head hang and whispered my apologies.
"Don't apologize Edward...it's just scary...not knowing what I'm supposed to be doing...and you're eyes were so black...I'm not used to people being so close. Hugs are one thing but that was..."
"Yes?" I prompted.
"It was different, but nice...I liked it but it was just...new, you know?" I nodded my head and offered her my hand. She took it and stepped in closer to me again. "Can I just...?" she murmured. I nodded, not knowing what she would do but trusted her. Her free hand pulled my head down to rest my cheek against hers. Fingers trailed fire up my arm and Bella hugged me to her. Her face turned into mine and I smiled as I lifted a hand to tangle it in her hair. She leaned the weight of her head back into my hand and smiled softly. "I can do this..." she murmured so low I was sure she thought I would not hear her.
"Yes, yes you can." I said lifting my head to touch my lips to her temple. Pulling away from her I again took her hand and we walked out into the sitting room where I sat down on the couch. Bella plopped down ungracefully beside me and I dropped her hand to throw my arm over her shoulders and lean her into me.
"So...Vegas?" I said steering our conversation back to our wedding. Bella seemed to hesitate and then shrugged while resting her head on my shoulder.
"Alice said we'll regret it though...maybe we could do something really small here. I don't like crowds Edward, just your family maybe and my Dad, and Angela, I wouldn't want her to miss this."
"Isabella my sweet, you do whatever makes you happy and I'll be happy too." I took her hand and placed it on my leg and I settled mine over it. Bella looked up at me and I turned to brush my lips against her hair. I sighed lightly in content and Bella cheeks blushed hot.
"I want you to like it too though Edward." One of her fingers gently moved against my thigh. Her teeth sank into her lip and I nudged her head to make her look up at me. "You really want a whole big affair like Alice was describing?" I nodded
"I'd only want it to be big so I could show as many people as I could that you're mine, and that you'll be mine til death do us part." Bella frowned at something. "What's wrong my love?" I asked. Bella just shook her head and I tried to pry into her mind. Of course only silence followed.
"Why do you call me all those pet names Edward? I don't have one for you."
"I only do it because it comes natural to me. If you do not like it I will stop Bella..."
"I didn't say it was a problem, they're cute. I think it's funny when you call me 'your Bell'" I smiled and nuzzled my face into hers again. Bella pulled away suddenly and I frowned.
"I'm sorry," I whispered and Bella sat up a little straighter.
"No, I wasn't expecting it. Just give me time." I nodded and she rested her head back on my shoulder.
"You are okay? Truly?" I whispered.
"Yes, I promise." I removed my hand from the top of hers and grabbed the remote. My eyes looked down at her and took in her expression. Determined, yet still slightly unsettled. I let her be with her thoughts and she lifted a hand to rest against my chest. "I promise that I will work on this Edward." I smiled. "You believe me right?"
"Of course. Time will work only in our favor." her fingers closed into a fist around my shirt.
"Thank you." I moved my hand to fold around hers and she watched with happy eyes as my large pale hand engulfed hers. I too watched our hands and felt an overwhelming comfort take me. This was right, more right than anything I had known.
Bella was now stretched out on the couch with her feet propped up in my lap. My hand rested gently over her ankles. It was around nine-thirty and she was completely absorbed in the program I had turned on the TV earlier. Just as things were beginning to fold together Bella gave me a glance and a smile. Lifting a hand from her stomach she offered it to me shyly and I laced our fingers together. My eyes wandered over her body freely as she again became captivated by the television.
Minutes later Bella let out a yawn and stretched her body. I help back the compliment I wanted to give her about her body as it was stretched out with every curve so perfectly on displayed. Surely it would make her uncomfortable.
"You are tired?" I murmured. Bella sat up and moved to sit back beside me again while nodding. Her head fell onto my shoulder.
"I didn't sleep well last night."
"Oh?" I waited for her to elaborate, she was quiet. "Why not Bella?"
"Dreams and things." she said evasively. I decided to let it go and maybe bring it up at another time.
"I'll take you home now if you like. It would be good for you to go to bed early." Bella shook her head and let her eyes close as she rested against me.
"No," she whispered.
"Charlie will wonder where you are. Plus we have school in the morning Bell." Bella gave me a hesitant look. "What?" she blushed. "Bella, talk to me." Her eyes stared at our laced fingers.
"Do you...not want me to stay?" she asked. I didn't answer. She looked up at me and saw my raised eyebrow that said 'don't ask stupid questions.' A warm smile graced her features.
"Of course I want you to stay." Bella then stood up and stretched and I heard her bones creek and crack. She got back onto the couch but when she did it was with her head in my lap. I gently began to rub her back which she did not seem to mind. I moved my hand slowly down her back until it was just above a two inch strip of exposed skin from her shirt being slightly hiked up. I decided I would be bold and I let a single finger fall onto her hip and trace small circles there. Her expression became fixed and her body registered my cold and she tensed. It was when I flicked the edge of her jeans with my finger and dipped one into the waist of them that I felt her stiffen completely and sharply inhale.
"Edward! What are you doing?" she scolded and sat bolt up. She hurried away from me and I turned to her with pleading eyes. I had not meant to be over baring with affection by doing that. It was meant as a gesture of simple caring, "What are you doing? Just because we're trying this couple thing doesn't mean you can do whatever you want. I'd like you to keep your hands in respectable areas." I nodded and whispered several apologies, receiving no response. I wanted to be angry with her, how were her hips inappropriate? But I would not speak, if it made her uncomfortable that was all I needed to know not to do it again. Bella did not return to my side but stayed on the far end of the couch. I rested my head in my hand and then pinched the bridge of my nose with the other.
"Bad, stupid, idiot, moronic Edward! Why did you do that? You knew it was too bold you knew it!" I thought this to myself for the best part of the next twenty minutes while she stayed curled on the edge of the couch. I contemplated going to play my piano and trying to let things settle out, but I didn't know if she'd get upset with me for just walking away without an explanation like I'd done before. Allowing myself to glance at her I noticed that her beautiful lips were pressed into a hard line. Her forehead was creased with discomfort and I longed to smooth the anger away. Bella would not look at me and I stood thinking to leave, but sat back down when I noticed Bella glare at the opposite wall. I looked away. It was my fault she was mad at me and I would just have to accept the consequences.
"What'd you do to induce the self hating?" came Jasper's voice from behind me. I turned slightly in my seat to see him standing behind the sofa with Alice behind him. She was glowering at Bella who was shying away from her gaze. I growled at my sister and for once Bella did not flinch at my primal sound. I wondered if she understood that it was in her defense. Alice, on instinct growled back and Jasper grabbed her hand.
"Calm yourselves." he said, and immediately forced us to simmer down. Alice's glare was still on Bella even through Jasper's calm.
"Alice, if you don't stop giving Bella that look you won't even be at the wedding let alone planning it." I threatened she turned her narrowed eyes to me. We stared into each other down, a silent competition, a battle of wills nobody could win. Alice's face moved into a smirk,
"So I see you're not going to Vegas anymore." she said after a small pause. Bella and I nodded and I smiled at my mate, she did not notice however as her eyes were still with Jasper and Alice.
"Want a ride home Bella?" Alice asked, glancing between the two of us. The tension was obvious and Jasper was slowly trying to ease it out of us.
"No, I'm staying the night."
"I know, but you seem upset with Edward. I figured I'd offer all the same." Bella smiled and Alice turned to Jasper. I felt weird waves coming off him and I knew they were directed at Bella. His eyes were scrutinizing her and then he flashed them at me,
"I'm sure you're getting the cold shoulder for something ridiculous. Mind if I give you a hand?" Bella then looked over at me and very suddenly moved closer to me on the couch. Her warm hand closed around several of my fingers and she leaned her head on my shoulder. Jasper sent me a wink as he and Alice turned away to head back to their room. Isabella then looked very confused and dropped my hand.
"That was odd, I just had a very sudden urge to forgive you for moving too fast...now I feel like I did before." She must have forgotten about Jasper's empathic influence abilities. Fear of her becoming more upset stopped me from reminding her at this particular moment. I frowned at her.
"So you don't forgive me? You know I am sorry. I think that because I have had to hold back for so long it's harder to keep things in check. I mean...all I have really done is hug you, nuzzle and snuggle into you a little bit. I didn't think you would mind me touching your hips... they are beautiful you know...just like the rest of you." Bella blushed, but gave me a sad look. "Is it so inappropriate to touch you there?" No answer followed and I bit my lip. "I did not want you to be upset with me."
"Slow and steady wins the race Edward." she whispered and let me pull her closer . We sat in silence and Bella lifted her hand to rest over where my heart should have been beating. Turning my head into her I let my lips rest against her hair and tried to enjoy the quiet time I had to simply take in her scent. It was easy to give into the power of her smell and I found myself shifting to better move my nose down to her jugular. Bella giggled as I inhaled and let out small sighs. "Edward?"
"Mhmm?" I pushed out. My mind was filling up with the thought of ravishing her skin with open mouth kisses. I wanted to be able to taste the scent that flowed off of her.
"What do I smell like?" I shrugged, my mind too fuzzy with lust and wanting to properly describe it. Bella pushed my head from her gently and I bit back a growl just before I was about to let it out. I wanted to be closer to her. Not pushed away. I ran the tip of my nose along her jawline and planted a gentle kiss against her cheek. "Tell me." she said.
"Like, Esme's garden, but more...heavenly." I inhaled deeply again and smiled. "You smell like beauty, like a clean spring lake, or rain." Bella was laughing and I tried to pull more words out of my head. "Sometimes you smell like an ocean, and warmth, like cinnamon, but that is mostly when you are crying."
"So, in short, I smell like fresh, wet, salty flowers with cinnamon on top?"
"It is so much more than that Bella,"
"Is it?"
"You smell like home." I whispered without even meaning to. This admission did not seem to make her uncomfortable. I smiled. "Yes, like home."
"And home is good I assume?" I nodded and then cupped her cheek with one hand. My thumb ran over her lips and a need to push my lips onto hers rose in me. No, now was not the time I thought. But the time for it would be soon.
"Home is very good Bella. Better than anything." Her eyes looked into mine and I knew she would see herself reflected back in the eyes of an animal. "You are beautiful," I whispered simply because I needed to tell her.
"Thank you," blood rushed in her body and stained her cheeks. Leaning back I turned lightly on the couch and moved my hands to her waist.
"Will you...curl up with me here on the couch?" I asked hoping she would crawl onto my lap and snuggle with me. Bella drew her lip in between her teeth and I knew her answer before she even said it. A twinge of hurt flickered in me but I pushed it away. We would not fight about this.
"I'm not so sure Edward. Maybe I should go call Charlie and head to bed. You said it yourself, we have school tomorrow." The animal inside me who wanted to curl up with his mate did not bother to hide the hurt on my face as I nodded my head and dropped my hands from her.
"Edward, don't be sad." Bella pushed my hair out of my eyes and gently trailed the back of her hand down my cheek. I turned my head and kissed her hand before she let it fall,
"I'm not trying to be my beautiful Bell. I can't help it." she nodded and stood up.
"Let me call my father. I'll go to bed after, okay?" I nodded.
I handed Bella my phone from my pocket and she dialed the number in slowly and turned from me to speak.. I could hear Charlie was quite pleased that she had chosen to stay over. I shoved my hands in my pocket as they continued talking and I felt the small box that contained the ring I hoped to put on Bella's finger as soon as possible. I slid the box out and glanced and it, trying to gather courage to talk to her about it tomorrow. I shoved it back into my pocket before Bella turned around and handed me my phone. Smiling, I brushed my hand against hers as I took it back, it was wonderful to feel her warmth against my fingers.
I stood and wished her a goodnight and began to make for my piano room to play the song she did not know I had written for her. It would soothe me through the night and give me something other to do than stand at the bottom of the stairs and wish deeply to have her in my arms. It would be another long night, but we would be together again in the morning, and that prospect was more wonderful than anything I'd ever been able to look forward to. I heard a huff from behind me and turned back to look at her,
"What? So now we're a real couple and I don't get a goodnight hug? For shame Edward, I thought you said you understood this romance stuff." Bella was wearing a smirk and I had to laugh at her.
"That my Darling, is where you are wrong. You are my first love...I just let my human instincts take over as much as they can. I try to do what feels good. What feels...right." I explained to her while walking toward her. "The last thing you need is me loving you with my wild side." I chuckled at the thought and Bella looked up at me.
"Almost a century alive and I'm the first girl?" it was obvious she did not believe me.
"I'm quite particular." I smirked to myself. Yes I was particular. The girl I wanted had to be human, beautiful, emotionally unavailable to some extent and hateful towards me at least half the time. She was the only person around who fulfilled all of those criteria.
"And you're being forced." she reminded. I sighed and decided I would be honest with her about the subject of our arranged status.
"Not at all actually. I'm glad to be marrying you Bella. If the contract broke today I'd still want to be your husband." I took several steps towards Bella and opened my arms to hug her. She was mulling over my admission, for now she wasn't saying anything. I waited and then closed the distance between us when it seemed she would not say anything at all.
My arms wound around her and I buried my face into the crook of her neck, which was almost difficult considering how much shorter she was than me but the scent was so powerful from there that I couldn't resist. I slipped my hands down and accidentally brushed her exposed skin again and I felt her shiver and whimper at the cold. She did not scold me this time, maybe she did not mind my touch as much as she previously thought.
"I wish I could be warm for you." I mumbled into her neck. For my second bold move of the night I let my lips touch her pulse point in a long, drawn out kiss full of my passion. She gasped. "Too much my Love?" I asked and she shook her head. I smiled and traced my lips down her neck and back up. She shivered and giggled a little. I felt pride run through me when I realized that she was giggling with delight as my lips touched her. I was making her feel like this, I had taught her to trust me. She was enjoying this, and hopefully one day we would enjoy everything together. I lifted my head up and pressed my forehead to hers and smiled down at her.
Bella's eyes seemed to be lost as they looked me over, focusing intently on different features of my face. She brought one hand up to trace her fingers across my cheek and along my jawbone. Again she shifted my hair to one side of my forehead and touched the skin that was usually hidden beneath it. Her thumb ran over my eyebrow and I closed my eyes only to feel her fingertips dance over the lids. When I opened my eyes again Bella was blushing, the light pink making her even more lovely to look at. I retraced the pattern she had drawn over my face on her and as she drew over the outline of my bottom lip with her thumb.
"You know Edward for a man, you're kind of beautiful." she whispered after some silence. I allowed myself a cocky grin that fell into a smirk and she sent electricity through my body with another giggle. Her deep chocolate orbs were staring up into my onyx ones. Onyx again with pure desire. My lips were millimeters from hers and I wanted to badly to be bold again and to press my lips against hers. An argument started up inside my head and I tried to reason with myself. Yes, I wanted to feel her lips on mine, but I wouldn't be able to handle any rejection at all if she stopped it and got upset.
Her eyes were now swiveling between my eyes and my lips. Was she thinking what I was thinking? I inhaled deeply and was about to close the distance between our lips when someone cleared their throat.
Carlisle was standing in the doorway to the sitting room an arm around Esme, they both looked amused and pleased. I was cursing my father in every way and in every language I knew in my head. I had been mere seconds from locking lips with my Bella, but no. He just had to interrupt.
"Edward I think it's time Isabella went to bed. It's close to eleven and you both have school." Bella moved her head down to hide her face in my chest. Cradling her head against me I ducked to rest my cheek against her. Esme actually stood up straighter and seemed to buzz with elation. She looked to her husband and he gave her a smug and knowing look. 'In this instance, I won't bother with the ''I told you so'' Edward. You deserve this.' I released Bella from my grip and nodded to my parents. I stepped out of her way so she could move to the stairs but she did not. Instead she was still staring at my face and smiling. I reached out and touched her cheek lightly her eyes fell relaxed at the contact and drooped momentarily.
"Bella, it's time for bed. The human has to sleep." I said with a chuckle. She took my hand from her face and squeezed it before closing the distance between us and standing up on her toes slightly. A moment of hesitance, and pressed her lips lightly to my cheek. She blushed furiously and hurried up the stairs. My eyes followed her as she ran to my room and shut the door.
"Well, that was quite something Son," Carlisle said.
"Yes, it was definitely something." I agreed. "She is so odd. Okay with some things and not with others. I will have to walk on egg shells for now."
"We're so happy for you," My mother said moving toward me to give me a hug. I laughed as arms folded around me. Never, not once could I remember being happy like this. A thump came from upstairs and I heard Bella laugh.
'She tripped' Jasper's thoughts reached me. I let out another chuckle and picked up my mother to swing her around.
"Things are wonderful," I said. "Will it always feel like this?" I asked my parents. I hoped this feeling of love that burst through me was one I never wanted to forget.
"It will be more than what it is now Edward. Your love for her will only increase, will only get deeper than what it is now." The thought of being more in love with Bella seemed impossible, but I knew myself that there would never be a time when I would not love her.
"Goodnight Son, we will see you tomorrow." Carlisle said stepping up to take Esme back from my arms.
"Until then," I said and gripped his shoulder. A big goofy grin was plastered on my face and I walked past my parents and out the front door. My smile lasted throughout the night as I climbed to the roof of the house and watched the clouds part and the stars come out. Tomorrow I was going to kiss Bella, and she wasn't going to push me away, I could feel it. I closed my eyes and let her soft laugh and features run through my mind. For the rest of the night I went over what had turned out to be a perfect day for us.