Chapter Ten – The Banishment of Bilba Baggins
It wasn't exactly hard to find Gandalf. His hat stuck out like a sore thumb above the heads of men and elves. He was standing near the edge of the rising tents, looking out at Erebor. It seemed like he had been waiting for her, and maybe he was. Wizards were like that, she supposed. She paused a few feet in front of him and slipped off her ring.
The look on his face was one she doesn't think she will ever forget. It wasn't everyday a hobbit made a wizard gasp in surprise.
"Bilba Baggins! What in the world!?"
"I've come to negotiate," she said as she slipped her ring into her pocket. She didn't give him the moment to ask about. "I need to speak with Bard or whoever is in charge quickly." Her bargaining chip weighed heavily in her pocket. She wouldn't give it up unless she needed to. If she could convince Thranduil without it, she would take it back and hide it away again.
Gandalf stroked his beard and nodded gravely. Now was not the time to question her strange appearance. "Then come with me." He led her through groups of grumbling soldiers and stoic elven archers. "It is good to see you," he said. "Are you well?"
She nodded. "Well enough, all things considered. You got my letter about Thorin, I take it."
"Yes, it is most troubling, but not entirely a surprise. I think it best we not speak of this in public," he said looking around. He led her to a large, empty tent with a table covered in maps. "I assume you have a plan," Gandalf said.
She nodded nervously. "Yes, more or less. I have gold for Bard, and I'll do whatever I need to get Thranduil to agree. I haven't got a lot of time though. Most of the company don't know I've gone."
"Alright then. Now, Bilba, I would ask you say nothing of Thorin's state. Or your involvement as a burglar." He looked her over and gave her a fond smile. "You'll do well enough." Then he laughed softly to himself. "You Baggins' have always been level-headed. If your grandfather or mother were in your place now I'd likely have to tell them to shut up and say nothing, but I believe you'll do just fine."
He gave her a pat on the shoulder before he left to call a meeting with Bard, two other men, Thranduil, Legolas, and the captain of the Mirkwood guard. She did not miss the fact that Orcrist was strapped to Thranduil's hip.
Gandalf sat beside Bilba at the great table, with Tauriel to her other side. Gandalf smiled at everyone assembled. "Allow me first to introduce Miss Bilba Baggins, who has called us all together today." He looked down at her, nodding that she should be the one to start this meeting.
"Thank you," she said. "Thank you all for meeting with me. I come on behalf of Thorin," she said.
"And who exactly are you?" the elf king asked.
"I've seen her before," Bard said. "She is his companion."
"As I recall he traveled only with dwarves," Thranduil said. Both Legolas and Tauriel agreed with him.
Bilba nodded. "And one hobbit," she said. "We are... experts at being unseen when we need to be."
The elf king gave her a curious look, but did not speak again. He was smart enough not to have to ask if she had been their escapist in his dungeons.
"As I was saying, I've come on behalf of Thorin and my company to see if we can make a deal. The orcs are marching this way, as you know. They are too much for you both to handle." She looked between the both of them. "Coräc did tell you the numbers, yes?"
She waited for nods of acknowledgment. Bard looked at her. "You sent the raven?"
"Yes, I did."
Bard nodded then. "He was a skittish thing, but yes, he brought us your messages. We thank you for your warning. We have had the time to move our woman and children away from the area." What he didn't say was that the Master also had fled like a coward to hide under the guise of protecting his citizens.
Bilba let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "That's great. Excellent. Oh, I'm so glad."
Gandalf coughed once and Bilba nearly jumped. Yes, she was getting off track. She only had so much time. "Thorin's cousin, well, I believe it is his cousin," she was nervous and rambling. Gandalf's hand on her shoulder calmed her. "Dain is marching with an army. Originally they came under the idea they would be defending Erebor from you. That was before the orcs. Now he has been convinced to side with you. We need to unite to defeat the orcs. And I would like to find a way to make this alliance more permanent. I do not wish to see the dwarves turned on once the orcs are dead. I know you plan to starve us out if we don't pay you." She took a few deep breaths as she got her nerves under control.
Bard frowned. "I would prefer to see no bloodshed. While this is not ideal, it is what I planned. Seeing as you have come to negotiate, I believe a siege can be avoided."
"I hope so," she said and smiled at him.
"We do need help," he said, "And I would like to avoid fighting with the dwarves, but Thorin must reimburse the damages the dragon brought. I warned you both not to enter that mountain."
"I know. And he should pay you, I agree," she said. "You killed Smaug. You are owed a reward, and we owe your people. There was a thrush sent after the attack. Thorin said he would speak with you if you came without your army. And while I don't quite understand why two armies are needed to speak with thirteen dwarves, right now even I can ignore that. A lot has changed since we sent that message," she said. "That's why I'm here." She nodded mostly to herself, and kept her hands under the table so no one would see her fidgeting. "With the mountain reclaimed my contract says I am entitled to one fourteenth of Erebor's treasure. I have been to the treasury. It is enough gold to rebuilt the lake town and Dale with more left over. I will give it to you."
"Why?"
The question caught her off guard. "Because you need it and I don't."
"This is an absurd amount of money you're talking about."
Gandalf chuckled. "Bard, I take it you have never heard of hobbits before. Even if you had, most people know surprising little of their ways. They are quite simple folk."
Bilba snorted.
"Perhaps simple is a bad term."
"We have no need for things like jewels and large amounts of gold," she said. "Sure a ruby might be nice to look at but at the end of the day I'd much rather have a nice baked potato."
Gandalf laughed.
Thranduil didn't care much for the lighthearted banter. "What proof do you have?" he asked. "What proof that your word is true. You say you are here to speak for Thorin, but I doubt Thorin has agreed to any of this."
She took a deep breath. "He has not. Still, that treasure is mine. I will split it between both of you if I must."
"I only desire one thing in that mountain."
Bilba nodded. "Yes, I know. I was told about a set of jewelry. I am allowed to choose my own fourteenth of treasure. I'll see if I can find it."
He looked her over. "We have no proof that Thorin will not revoke your share. I know what gold sickness does to his line, and I do not doubt it took over his mind the moment he set foot in Erebor. Nor do I particularly trust a spy who snuck through my kingdom for an untold amount of time."
She winced.
"We shall speak with Thorin," Thranduil said. "Unless I have some proof I am considering this meeting over."
He started to rise from the table and Bilba shot out a hand. "Wait!" she said. "This meeting is not over!" Her hand hit the table and Thranduil's eyes shot back to her. Slowly he sat back down. Even Legolas didn't expect his father to sit back down.
Gandalf had to fight to contain a smirk.
Bilba fingered the jewel in her pocket. If she went back, Thorin would never allow her away again. And who knows, maybe he would revoke her contract.
"King you may be, but at this table we sit as equals. We all three speak for our people on equal footing. You cannot dismiss this meeting. Now, you will sit here and we will discuss what will suffice as proof." It was almost like dealing with Lobelia, and it somewhat calmed her to think of it that way.
He huffed and folded his hands in front of himself. "Miss Baggins, you have nothing that could suffice. Unless you can bring us the gold now, I have nothing more to say."
"Thranduil, you are being unreasonable," Bard said giving him a dirty look. "I am inclined to side with Miss Baggins, and as my ally it is your duty to assist when we are attacked."
"The orcs come for Thorin."
"And they will march through my home to get to him."
"Where shall the orcs go next?" Gandalf asked. "They have come into your forest once already in these past weeks. They don't fear to challenge you."
"They are being dealt with," he said sharply.
"What would be proof enough?" Bilba asked.
"There is nothing I know of."
She put her hand around the stone in her pocket. "I believe I know of one thing." She slowly pulled free the Arkenstone and laid it on the table, but did not move away her hand. "The Arkenstone," she said. "He will trade my share of the treasure for it's return."
"Bilba," Gandalf said in a low tone, but she shook her head.
"We need allies. You need allies. And Thorin wants this stone. One fourteenth of the treasure is a fair price. Can we agree to that? You will ask no more than that."
Thranduil's eyes were on the gem as he nodded. It shone like captured moonlight and snow frosted stars.
Bard looked between them both. "It is agreeable. But I don't know how our treaty will fair after the battle. That depends on Thorin."
"That," Gandalf said, "Can be discussed when there is not an army marching our direction."
Bilba picked up the stone. "Then I will trust Bard with the stone. He is owed the greatest share of treasure." She looked at him and cracked a smile. "You did slay the dragon, after all. I trust you."
He nodded. "And I thank you for that trust, Miss Baggins. I will make sure it is kept safe."
"Good," she said clapping her hands together. "This is good. So, we have an alliance then between our three armies."
"Yes," Bard said.
Thranduil nodded. "Yes, Miss Baggins, we have an alliance for now, assuming that Dain is indeed on our side."
"He is. The whole situation has been explained to him. Even if Thorin argues against this he will stay with you." She hoped he would stay with them. Balin had explained everything. Dain would understand... probably. She didn't know him, but Balin made him sound reasonable.
Thranduil made a low hum, trying to discern the situation Bilba was hiding from him. Bard didn't seem to care. Suddenly being thrust from a captain of the soldiers to someone they had declared a hero and a king was too much stress. He was ready to accept help from anyone.
Bilba drew in a breath. "I would like a token of good faith as well. I've just promised you both a rather insane amount of gold and left you the Arkenstone."
"We don't have much to offer," Bard said.
She looked straight at Thranduil. "Their weapons were taken in Mirkwood. I want them returned."
"It would take days to go and gather them," Thranduil said, slightly annoyed.
"You have Orcrist," she pointed to his side. "Return it."
Thranduil's jaw set, but Bard gave him a hard look. "Give her the sword."
"A sword Thorin stole," Legolas interjected.
"As stubborn and stupid as Thorin may be, he did not steal that sword," Gandalf said. "I gave it to him quite a long time ago."
"I'll return it myself then," the king said.
Bilba wanted to say no and demand he give her the sword, but a look from Gandalf shut her up. "I think that will be alright," the wizard said. "After all we must still meet with Thorin before the day is done."
"What! Why?"
"While we have settled on an alliance, we must still inform Thorin face to face," Bard said. "We will take no soldiers. Only Thranduil, Gandalf, and I will go."
She bit her lip. "Can't I just tell him?"
"Is there a problem here?" Thranduil asked.
"No," Gandalf assured him. "Bilba just does not know much about the formalities required of alliances and war. We won't stay long. The longer we speak to him, the more I fear he will argue with us. We shall simply state our allegiance, have the sword presented, and be on our way."
"A-alright."
Gandalf smiled, bright as ever. "Well, good. Now that all this is settled we should probably get Miss Baggins here back to Erebor post haste. She needs to relay this information to her company."
She stood up and brushed off her skirts. To anyone around she looked at first glance no more than a child. If you asked her she was nothing truly special. She may have known kings and wizards and all manner of dwarves, lords and princes, but she was just a hobbit at the end of the day.
Bilba Baggins was not a queen, nor was she a princess. She may have been granddaughter of the Thain, but that didn't mean a thing. She was respectable, but when it came down to it she was no better than her neighbors.
But if you were to ask any man or elf sitting at that table she handled herself as well as any of them, even better. Thranduil would even secretly agree. She had no training but her good Shire manners and her mother's occasional sour temper.
She would do anything for her family, even become a true thief.
She would sacrifice love for her family. She would lose Thorin's trust and affection. She would do it every single time.
She grew up and grew old without love and she could continue on without it if she had too. She didn't want to... but if it must be done, then so be it.
Gandalf walked her to the edge of camp. "He does not know it has been found?"
"No. He'd absolutely never let me take it. Never," she shook her head. "He looks all day. When he doesn't look for it he... he's often with me."
"You?"
She nodded. "He's sick. He's very sick. It scares me sometimes. It's been getting worse and worse, Gandalf." She wore her pain on her face for all the world to see. "Isn't there anything you can do?"
He didn't want to see her hurt further but he had to tell her, "No. There is nothing. We must wait for this to end on it's own."
She nodded weakly. It was more or less what she expected, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow.
"Bilba," he started and led her along to sit on a large rock outside of camp. "May I ask something?"
"Sure."
"These beads you're wearing, are they Thorin's?"
"They are."
"Did he give them after he was sick?" he asked wearily.
"No. It was before," she said, but she couldn't quite bring herself to smile now. "That, at least, was not fueled by this madness that's come over him. I tried so hard," she said and tears choked her. "And I will keep trying, but I've already failed, Gandalf. What should I do? I... I love him. I cannot watch him lose himself after coming so far."
Gandalf sighed. He wondered if maybe he should have foreseen this turn of events. When he left them they had a budding friendship. He never expected her to fall in love, nor for Thorin to reciprocate.
"My answer would not be helpful," he said.
"What would you suggest?"
"Leave now, before this battle begins. Return only once this fighting is done."
She frowned and looked on with tired eyes. "I can't do that."
"I know. All the same, right now I fear to let you go back to that mountain. I would like you to stay here."
"I'll be perfectly fine." She knew that. She believed that just as she believe the sky was blue and the grass green.
Gandalf nodded. "If he were himself I would trust that, but he is not. You've said that yourself."
Bilba sighed heavily. She knew that when he learned what happened, and she knew it was inevitable, it would hurt him. She prayed he would understand.
"Did I do the right thing?" she asked before she left him behind.
"I think under these circumstance you have. Be safe," he said.
"I will."
She slipped on her ring but a moment before she took it off again. "Gandalf!" she called back. "Coräc said you sent him on a mission. What was it, may I ask?"
He smiled. "That raven is quite fond of you," he said. "He was most willing to help me on your behalf. Five thousand orcs are a lot. I have a few friends who may be willing to lend us a hand. Coräc has gone to a meeting with them."
"And who are they?"
"A few mutual acquaintances. Now, off you go. And be very careful, my dear Bilba. We will be coming in a few hours."
"Bofur," Balin said coming up behind the dwarf in the treasury. "We've got watch duty."
"Oh? I thought I was scheduled for tonight."
Balin nodded. "You were, but there's been a bit of a change. Apologies." The original two planned had been Oin and Bifur, and he isn't quite sure who decided on that great pair.
"It's no worry at all," he said following the older dwarf away. "To be honest I'm glad to be out of that room."
As Bofur started up the stairs towards to balconies Balin caught him by the arm. "I think I'd like to sit somewhere else to keep watch, if it's all the same. I've already relieved Nori and Bombur."
Bofur just shrugged and fell into step beside Balin.
"It's a bit less windy by the front gate," he said. "I wouldn't mind a smoke. How about you?"
Bofur's smile brightened. "Wouldn't mind one at all."
"Excellent."
They were blowing smoke rings when Bilba came back with a lighter pocket and a heavier heart. She rubbed her ring on her finger before letting out a little cough and slipping it off. Balin didn't start, but Bofur nearly jumped out of his boots.
"Bilba! On my mother's beard!" he said, clutching at his heart. "You nearly gave us a heart attack. What are you doing?"
She smiled. "They're with us," she said to Balin. "I made the deal. They're with us."
"And who has it?" he asked.
"Bard. I trust him," she said. Balin wasn't so sure of his stance on the man, but it was better than Thranduil having it. Bofur was just confused. She smiled reassuringly at him. "Don't mention I was gone to anyone."
"I wouldn't dare, lass. What's going on?"
She pointed out to the tents. "Those are our allies."
"How did you manage that?"
"With diplomacy." She wrung her hands, "Where is Roäc? We need to send that letter to Dain."
"You let me worry about the raven. Go and see if Thorin is still in the treasury."
She nodded and went off.
"Balin, what is going on?" Bofur asked.
"We're trying to avoid one war and win another."
"By sneaking around? This all sounds a little..."
Balin shook his head and finished his thought for him. "Treasonous? Let me tell you something, lad. I've been trained to advise since I was a boy, and I've been advising Thorin since before Azanulbizar. If there is one thing I know it is how to go to war."
Dwalin was at the doors, tapping his fingers against the wall.
"He's not been out?" she asked as she came up.
"Briefly for a piss. He didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. How'd it go?"
"Great. They'll stand with us."
He nodded. "Good girl. And Dain?"
"Balin is sending a letter now."
He nodded again and looked back through the doors. Thorin was out of sight and probably wouldn't emerge from his corner for several hours yet. "Walk with me. We've got things to discuss."
They went to the room Balin had originally been using for writing letters and making plans.
"Lass," he started. "Bilba." He looked down at her and she didn't know what to make of his expression. "This'll be complicated, you understand." She didn't yet. "Thorin is my king, and I've been his confidant since before I could pronounce the word. He is a brother to me. But you listen to me, an' you listen carefully. You have my ax and you have my sword. You're under my protection so long as I can give it. Thorin is just as capable of doing wrong as the next man. He's not himself, and I don't know what to make of it."
Bilba watched him closely and she frowned. "You think he would hurt me." It wasn't even a question now. She'd heard it so many times from so many of her friends.
And it pained him, it truly did. "I don't know what to think right now. It's complicated. I'm sworn to him, and I'm swearing myself to you."
"Thank you," she said, though she was still somewhat at a loss for what was going on.
"Don't thank me yet. I don't know what I'll do if things go wrong here. You keep putting yourself between him and all this," he said gesturing vaguely. "It's noble, and I hope what you're doing works. But I can see him getting pent up, and it an unfortunate thing you're trying to be the wall between him and his curse."
"I have to help him."
"I know," he said. He knew very well. "And I thank you for it more than you'll ever know. It's been my job to protect him since I could hold a stick, and I can't help him now. I try, we all try. Just help him as best you can."
"I will."
He nodded. "You probably haven't ever had someone swear a sword to you before."
"No, I can't say I have."
He almost laughed.
"It's a blood oath on my part, so you don't have to worry. You don't have to do anything but accept it." He pulled his ax over his shoulder and put his hand over the blade. "It's a bit of a stuffy practice, but I don't know another way to say it. I, Dwalin, son of Fundin, swear on my life to protect you with my own blood. Do you accept this?"
"Yes," she said a little hesitantly.
He cracked a smile. He remembered being fourteen years old, his father at his back, while he said the same thing to Thorin. He sliced his hand open, but he didn't wince at the pain. "Okay now you hold your hands out like you've got something between them. Leave a gap, just like that." She had her hands perpendicular to the floor and Dwalin put his hands together between her's. "Now you just put your hands around mine and that's about it. Lords'll make speeches but we don't need all of that."
She smiled though and thanked him again.
"Just so you know, you have all of our swords," he told her.
"Oh," she said as they started down the corridor. "Should I expect more of this?"
He shook his head very seriously. "This isn't something just anyone does. You're family to this group, that's enough to have all our blades sworn to you already. Especially Fili's. He's named you his sister in our language, that's something very important. When he becomes king you're as good as royalty."
"That's crazy."
"Crazy, but true. He is the future king and his word will be law. Now what I've done is basically an act of fealty. Don't expect the lot of them to come pledging swords. Maybe Kili, maybe Bofur. Maybe my brother."
Her chest felt tight, but she nodded. When had the situation gotten so dire? Gotten so out of hand? She just wanted to curl up in her armchair in Bag End and pretend like she had never run out of her front door.
Balin came to her with much the same concerns and ready to bleed for her as well. She accepted him with a smile, and the fear that if the two people closest to Thorin, who had grown up with him from their earliest memories, were scared enough to offer themselves so formally... well, something might just go wrong after all.
"I feel more worried now that you've both done this, than I did when you hadn't."
"I know," he did. He saw the look on her face when he cornered her in an empty hall. She knew what was coming. He knew Dwalin had already gotten to her.
"You have both known him forever, I... I just don't know what to think about all of this."
Balin nodded solemnly. He didn't know anymore either, but he knew if she was hurt he would be responsible. He told her to hide the stone, and he let her go.
"And I think Dwalin doesn't think I understand the gravity of what you've both done here. I do. I might have little experience with this, but you've pledged to die for me. If it came down to my life or your's... you'd do it."
"Aye, lass, that is exactly what we've done. But equally we've both made the same pledge to Thorin. It's complicated now."
"You think he might hurt me. You know, this morning I was so sure he'd never do that. Now I'm scared. I don't want to be afraid."
That weighed the heaviest on his heart, that he'd taken what little hope she had left of safety. "I'm so sorry."
She tried to play at being strong, but gave up and wrapped her arms around him, and rested her head on his shoulder.
"This will all be over soon," he promised, patting her on the back. "Things will go back to normal soon."
Dori and Ori were on watch when Bard arrived. Ori came running through rounding everyone up, and paused in front of Dwalin, too nervous to actually get Thorin himself.
"Hail, King Under the Mountain. I trust you are well," Bard called up to the balcony over the main gate.
"Well enough," he said tensely. "But if you've come to discuss anything regarding the dragon then you find me in foul mood. I told you not to bring your forces here."
"Even with the threat of war, Master Oakenshield? Forgive me, but I would not leave my forces behind with several thousand orcs marching my way."
Dwalin did not like his snarky little tone. "Do you know who you're speaking to? You'll show some respect!"
Bard held up his hands and apologized. "I have only come to speak with you, that is all. I am not your enemy today."
Thorin huffed and was nearly ready to walk away. Bard did his best not to roll his eyes.
"We have had little correspondence these last days, Thorin. A little word about the orcs would have been helpful. We have been most thankful for what messages Miss Baggins had been willing to send us."
She bit her lip and did not look up, certain she would find Thorin's anger directed at her.
Instead he was glaring down at the trio. "And, pray tell, what has Miss Baggins told you?"
Bard glanced over at the wizard, who was steadily trying to meet Bilba's gaze. He looked back up at Thorin. "That there are over five thousand orcs. We will stand with you for the promised price of one fourteenth of gold. That is all we have come to say. We do not wish to argue. We shall speak more of our trade after the battle."
"There has been no agreement or trade!" he shouted.
Bilba smacked his arm. "Yes, there has," she hissed. "Thank you. We are most grateful for both of your help." She prayed they would just turn and leave. They said what they needed to. They promised that would be it. She didn't even care about the sword now. Gandalf was even starting to turn his horse to lead the way back. Even he sensed it was time to go.
"What agreement?" he yelled.
Bard didn't answer at first. He had intended to just go, but he had not been very fond of Thorin from the first moment he met him. "Miss Baggins will give us her gold."
"And what right do you have to steal her share?"
"I gave it to him! Thorin, be quiet! We have allies now!" she said in harsh voice, just above a whisper.
"I won't let them have a single coin."
She crossed her arms. "It's mine to do with as I please. I earned it."
"They will not get a single coin," he reiterated.
"Yes, yes," Thranduil said in a bored tone. "We all feared as much. That is why Miss Baggins graciously came to us to make the original agreement," he said. "It is a binding verbal contract."
Bilba started backing away from the wall. "Yes, thank you, I'll talk to him! Goodbye!"
Thorin was growling and starting to lean over the edge to see the elf and lake man better. "And what agreement is this? I will allow no gold out of this mountain!"
Bilba hung her head and waited. This is why she wanted them to leave.
"We will return this once we are paid." Bard held the Arkenstone high and it glimmered in the sunlight. Thorin went cold, and Bilba nearly died on her feet. "I have decided to leave it in Gandalf's protection as a neutral party," Bard said and handed it over so that Thorin could see. But Thorin had stopped listening and stopped watching.
"Where did you get that?" And it was too quiet to hear below.
"We needed help," Bilba said. "I needed to assure them they'd get paid. You weren't going to let me pay them," she grabbed his arm and tired to make him look at her. "Thorin. Thorin! All you do is worry about that stupid stone. You're going to get us all killed!"
Balin pulled her away from Thorin who was going red. He pushed her behind himself and tried to stand between them.
"What did you do!?" he roared, stomping up and shoving Balin aside.
"I promise you it will be returned. I brought them the Arkenstone as proof. It will be swapped for my share of gold. I promise."
It was quiet for a moment, like all the sound in the world had vanished. Thorin was shaking with rage. When finally there was sound again it was sharp and quick. The slap across her face almost echoed. She grabbed her cheek. His ring cut her just under her cheekbone. She was about to yell again when he grabbed her by wrist and tore her across the room, away from the company, and into the darkness.
No one below could see what was happening, and no one above could move. Their feet were frozen to the ground in a mixture of shock and terror.
Bilba couldn't quite remember how to breathe.
Thorin could remember little more than how to hate, and how to hurt.
He screamed at her, but he wasn't aware of what he was saying. He just wanted to say angry words. He shook her like a rabbit... and he could wring her neck just as easily as one. He could break her bones, and break her spirit, and break her.
He paced around her, his words jabbing like knives and all Bilba could think of was how Smaug had paced around her. The dragon had none of this rage. She feared Thorin now more than she ever feared that dragon. His wrath was inconceivable.
Her skin was on fire. She burned with something like shame. His words came in the common tongue and they came in guttural dwarvish. He said things that made battle hardened warriors flinch. She didn't understand most the words but she got the gist. The other things that stuck were betrayer. And coward.
Vile, despicable.
Conning, conniving, witch.
Nothing.
She was nothing!
Then he shoved her and she stumbled back. And he kept bearing down, and she backed herself into a wall, hands held up as if it would stop him. "Thorin, please," she begged. "Please."
When he gripped her by the shoulders he remembered the softness of her skin and it nearly broke him free...
Nearly.
Why did he come to love her? A traitor and a liar and a thief. Why her and not the line of suitors he'd had as a boy? Why her and not another? A brother in arms or any lady high born to pleasure girl.
Why the hobbit?
It shattered his heart more than broke it free. In the haze she started as starlight and silver fountains. Or had she always been so precious? She had been his other half. His One. He had waited for her for nearly two hundred years. He was born of the Line of Durin, he was the child of Mahal, and she was his own Yavanna. He thought... he thought that she...
It did not matter.
Now she was but rust and cold stone.
She stole the only thing he ever dreamed to have returned. He would damn the mountain to dust for the Arkenstone to be in his possession and she! She took it to the enemy! She who he loved. She betrayed him merely for the thrill.
But he gripped her hard enough to bring bruises and he remembered the curve of her body against his... And it nearly broke him free of his delusions... It nearly cleared the lies in his head... For war was on the door and he needed allies and she assured them for him... Only nearly could he see it through the fog...
Nearly.
And he was aware of the curve of her throat under his hand, and the screaming at his back. She had brought this on herself. She seduced him and spoke poison in his ear. She forsook every ounce of faith, trust and love he'd placed in her.
Damn her.
Even in the fog and the smoke he still thought of her as beloved, and it made him sick.
She had twisted her little hands in Thorin's clothes, catching hair in her fists. Her heart ran wild and she prayed he would just let go, that he would just let her go!
But he wrapped a large hand around her neck squeezed.
She didn't have time to scream.
Dwalin moved the moment he saw Thorin's hand twitch. He traveled at god-like speeds, because it took barely a second before he was wrenching Thorin's hand away in a bone breaking grip. Twisting his wrist so far back it might snap and there was something dark in Dwalin's eyes Bilba had never seen. She'd never seen a storm so dark.
Balin was pulling her out of Thorin's other hand and she was scrambling away and into Fili's arms. Kili had grabbed his knife and put himself in front of the pair. The whole company had their hands on their weapons.
"Get her out of my sight."
Their loyalty to her made him ill. He snatched his arms from Balin and Dwalin and spun to look at her sobbing on his nephew's shoulder.
He wanted her dead. He wanted her gone and never wanted to see her face again. He wanted her dead!
And he loved her. He still loved her. He was going to throw up.
That love, that damned love he couldn't let go of, it was enough to spare the wretch of a woman her deserved fate. His voice quaked and came out straggled and broken on tears he would not cry. "You are hereby banished from this mountain, and these lands. If you ever return here I will kill you myself. Get out."
She heard him but she couldn't process the words. There were shouts of protest around her. Everything felt like it was spinning.
"I once loved you," and the words felt greasy and dirty in his mouth. "Consider that a blessing. That is the only reason I stay my sword."
Dwalin had to have Gloin hold Fili back while he escorted Bilba out. If he hadn't been the one to do it he would have... well, he didn't know what he would have done to Thorin. Every ounce of him felt like a failure right now. For hoping Thorin would stop before he went too far.
Thorin's glare kept the rest of the company in place, except Balin who couldn't be cowed. He stormed after them.
Dwalin stood at the gate with an arm around her. She was sobbing too hard to walk straight. "Lass? Lass, pay attention to me. Let me see your neck." He tilted her head up and bruising hadn't begun just yet, but he knew it would. "I should've been faster. I should have known he'd do something."
She sucked back snot and tears. "You stopped him."
"I'm going to kill him." He said it so seriously she had step away.
"Don't!"
He shook his head and his eyes were black. "You don't know our laws, Bilba."
"Don't kill him," she said through another sob and Balin was there finally and holding her.
"Fine," he ground out.
She coughed to clear her throat. "What's going to happen now?"
"Now, you're going to see that you get somewhere safe and far away from here. You get a pony and you ride. You don't look back. Go to your Shire."
She shook her head, or she thought she did. She really wasn't certain. She didn't have the strength to really do anything.
Dwalin put a hand on her back. "You're a brave woman."
"I don't see myself as brave," she hiccuped.
He led her out towards Gandalf and the other. "Well, you're damn stubborn, and that will suffice. I want you gone before this fight starts."
The wizard wrapped her up in his arms and held her tight.
"Wizard, no matter what happens, you will keep her safe," Dwalin said.
"I will."
"And if you know what's good for you both, you'll take her back to her home. Tonight."
He nodded. "I'll see her away with a guard. I cannot leave this battle."
"Then send all you can." He turned to march away mumbling to himself.
Bilba was shaking when she looked up from Gandalf's hug, and her eyes fell on Thranduil. She saw Orcrist on his hip and she tore away from the wizard and marched up to him. "Give me the sword."
He looked down at her like she was mad.
"Give me the sword!" she screeched.
The elf actually flinched. A king actually flinched away from her and fumbled to hand her the sword. She snatched it and marched back towards Erebor and shoved it into Dwalin's arms. "Give it Thorin."
"Bil-"
"Just give him back his stupid sword!"
She did not spin on her heel very gracefully, and tear-blinded she nearly fell over herself walking back to Gandalf. She couldn't bare it any longer and simply broke down, slumping to her knees, and sobbing beside him.
Both of the brothers were hesitant to return to Thorin, but a look from Gandalf sent them on their way.
Bilba managed to get to her feet, but she could hardly stand.
Thorin had been watching her from above growing steadily more and more enraged. She cautioned a look up and met his eyes. Just one last time she wanted to see her. His eyes were full of hatred. She didn't know if her heart could break anymore.
He saw the tears pouring and he snapped. "The mithril I gave you may keep your heart protected, but if you do not leave an arrow may find your head, halfling!"
Kili grabbed his bow tightly. He'd snap it in two if Thorin ever looked like he was going step towards him.
Bilba barely managed to choke out a goodbye as she was lifted up onto Gandalf's horse and they rode away.
"No one leaves this mountain," Thorin said. "Under pain of death." His whole body buzzed like it was electrified. "And no one speaks a word of her again. Now get out! All of you get out!"
And they did. They slunk quietly down the hall feeling sick over what they'd witnessed. It very well may have been the last order they would follow.
If he had been anyone else, if he had been anyone but their king, they would taken and locked him away deep, deep down in the mountain. They would have called Bilba back and told her to name his punishment before they named their own.
A week saw years of love challenged. Strained.
One hand on her throat challenged lifetimes of loyalty that was never meant to be tested and was never meant to break.
Only Fili and Kili stayed, the frightened sons of a man who was not exactly their father. Fili would have gone, but Kili couldn't leave just yet. He was paralyzed.
Kili's mouth kept opening and closing, no words able to form. This was not his uncle. This was not the man who raised him. Kili didn't know who or what he was looking it. He was too scared to move. He didn't even realize he was crying, not until Fili started grabbing at his arms and pulling him closer, and wiping his eyes.
Dwalin came up the stairs holding out Orcrist. "Here."
"Keep it."
"You'll take this damn sword."
Thorin growled and took it roughly and strapped it too his belt.
Balin followed soon after with a look on his face that made the boys uneasy. A push from Dwalin made them duck away at last, but not so far that they were out of earshot. They didn't want to see whatever was about to happen between Thorin and Balin, but they did want to know. Dwalin stayed and stood a step out of the way. It was very rare that he was frightened by his brother.
He hadn't ever seen rage so pure before. So white hot it could melt diamond.
Balin punched Thorin hard in the jaw. "Do you know what you've done!?"
"Balin!" he yelped in surprise and clutched his face.
"You've killed her!"
Thorin's hand fell away after a moment. "She has betrayed this company!"
"She is saving this company and you. She'll die out there. You've sentenced her to death!"
"Go, Balin. I want to be alone."
Dwalin laid a hand on his brother's shoulder, but it was shrugged off.
"She sides with them," Thorin continued. "We will have nothing more to do with a thief who would see my enemies take from our home."
"And now your enemies will side with us in this war! We are allied in a war against the orcs. A war that would be against us had Bilba not interfered. Had Bilba not sacrificed her ties to you. The orcs are the real enemy today, not the men of Esgaroth and not Thranduil," Balin snapped. "And most certainly not Bilba."
"She was hired-"
"Is that all she was? An employee?! I have never met a greater fool!" he yelled.
"Get out, Balin!" The roar echoed through the halls. Thorin raged and Dwalin stood tall between him and his brother.
"Oh, I'll go. But I know I speak for more than myself when I say that if any in this company is loyal to your betrayal I will find another dragon and feed myself to him. I will go into Thranduil's service."
And he marched away into the armory. He needed to make battle plans.
Dwalin only gave Thorin a curt nod before following his brother. He had made a promise to Bilba not to hurt him.
The day drug into night and no one knew quite what Thorin was doing. He roamed the halls like a beast, shouting himself hoarse, and throwing any unfortunate thing that ended up in his hands. It some point he ended up shutting himself in his rooms.
Balin had had some time to calm down, at least a bit. He went to plead with him one more time, even if he knew it was useless.
"She's your One."
"I would have no One like her."
He clenched his jaw. "And did you not court her? Is there nothing sacred to you? Did you not braid your beads into her hair? I have never seen two people who fit like you. You know how rare that is. What is she then, if not your One?"
Thorin felt weak. He felt tired and old and sick of it all. The look on his face almost reminded Balin of when Thorin had lost Frerin. Numb and cold. Lonely. So utterly alone and chilled and nothing could warm him.
"I was wrong."
There was fury behind Balin's eyes could have set a man on fire. "You seem to be wrong about her quite often, lad."
He huffed as he walked into another room. "No. I was right the first time. She had no place among us."
Balin glared at him as he started to shut a door. "She had a place with all of us. A friend, a sister, a daughter. Family. You're the only one who says otherwise."
"Balin, you may have her, and if you do not stay your tongue I will send you away with her!"
He raised a challenging eyebrow. "Would you? Would you send your military adviser away with a war not two days away? You need me."
"Aye, I do. So go to your post, and leave your king be."
He sunk into his bed that night and it was too cold. There was ice in his veins. Everything felt empty and so completely wrong. He closed his eyes and nightmares came to him. Black and evil dreams. Or...
Were they dreams? Was it a memory?
His whole day didn't even exist except in hazy images. In gloom and smoke and fragments of memories, and he wasn't even sure of those were true.
He closed his eyes and saw her's growing more pale and lifeless by the second. Broken neck. Choking on blood. Crushed windpipe. She couldn't even scream. He had his hands around her throat while she beat weakening fists against his chest until finally, finally she was still.
There was blood on his hands. There was blood on his hands and it wouldn't come off. She was lying at his feet. He left her there as a warning.
It felt so real. But it couldn't be. No! It wasn't real. It couldn't be real. He hadn't done that to her. He hadn't straggled her to death.
It wasn't real. It wasn't real.
It wasn't real!
But it felt so very real.
Thorin woke up in a cold sweat and threw up on the floor.
The sun had risen a violent red. When he looked beside himself his heart skipped a beat. She wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere. He went running through the halls. He had to find her.
He didn't kill her. He couldn't have killed her. She wasn't dead.
He tried so hard to assure himself. Everything in him ached. His heart was going to explode in his chest. It all felt so real. He could still feel her throat in his hands. Soft and fragile and so easy to break.
He broke into a sob as he turned a corner and saw his nephews. Kili snarled. Fili's eyes were ringed red and he looked at Thorin like he would stab him if he came any closer.
What had he done?
Notes: I wanted to thank you all for the wonderful comments you've left me.
I'm not sure how long it will take for me to get out the next chapter. Thank you for being patient with me.