A/N: Another beastly creation by SSU and MCK. Contains a lot of references to Fat/Stay Night, Persona, Sailor Moon, Advent Children, Pac-man, and YouTube Poop.

Better run now.

Haruhi sat in the in the SOS clubroom by herself. Everything was okay. Except for one thing...... She was extraordinarily horny.

After a few minutes of thinking, however, she saw something she could remotely fuck. It was Archer from Fate/Stay Night, Knocking on the door to the SOS Brigade clubroom, because he needed a shrubbery.

"Excuse me, miss? I was wondering if you could spare a shrubbery?" he timidly asked. Haruhi hadn't exactly heard Archer. Her predatory gaze was locked onto his handsome features. He was hotter than that old fuddy-duddy Kyon! Haruhi smiled sexily and walked up to him, swaying her hips. Time to charm this guy with her best move.

She pulled a trading card out of nowhere and slammed it on the ground.

"IT'S TIME TO DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DU-DUEL!!!!" she exclaimed. After seeing the shocked expression on his face, she tackled him onto the ground, and had him in a mount. She then lifted her hand and wiggled her fingers as she started to tear off the servant's clothing.

"What in the world are you doing?" Archer asked in a calm tone of voice as Haruhi struggled to remove his shirt. When she saw that she couldn't get it off from their current position, Haruhi started ripping her own shirt off. Archer's eye went wide; this chick wasn't screwing around! .....She had nice hooters, though.

"Let's do this right then." Archer said in a confident tone. He then escaped from Haruhi's mount, and stood in a glowing circle. " I am the bone of my boner. Latex is my body, and fire is my blood. I have slept with over a thousand women. Unknown to venereal disease. Nor known by Trojan. I have withstood pain to fuck many women. Yet, those hands will never fuck anything. So I pray... UNLIMITED RAPE WORKS!!!!" Then everything started glowing.

Haruhi blinked. She was in sexy black lingerie and sitting on a heart-shaped bed in a bright pink room. A love hotel! And in strutted Archer, wearing a fuzzy yellow bathrobe.

"Oh, hells yes!" She lay out on the bed as Archer came... And then she woke up.

"What the.....? I was just about to..." she said out loud before realizing that she was in class.

Grumbling, Haruhi went back to reading her book. As she was turning the page she felt an odd sensation. She felt................ cold? Curious, Haruhi made sure no one was looking and examined her lap.

What the hell..... WHERE ARE MY PANTIES?!?!?! she thought in a panic. And looking up, she saw with a thrill of horror that they were resting on the back of an unknowing Kyon!

Meanwhile, Kyon was reading his book while feeling the stare of Haruhi. He ignored it and read the book called, 'Summoning Demons and Personas for Dummies'.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm.... I sure would like to have a minion of the damned to cook for me when mom is out...." the wannabe Satanist muttered quietly to himself. Haruhi, on the other hand, was leaning up from her seat to snatch her underwear away. But just as she grasped the frilly edge, something horrible happened.

Her clothes disintegrated, revealing her nude body to the whole class. Kyon saw her, and temporarily died of a nose-bleed. All of the other males in class followed suit, except for the silver-haired teacher, who had a confident-looking grin on his face.

"What is the meaning of this?!!?!" Haruhi howled, picking two books to cover up her chest.

"Heh, it's a side effect of Unlimited Rape Works. That, and you forget about the sex," Archer grinned as the females in class were appalled.

Except for Ryoko who said, "Are you sure it isn't because you fail in bed?".

Then all the boys came back to life and said, "Ohhh. Burn~..."

Archer frowned darkly. "Oh, it is SO on!" He snapped his fingers, and Ryoko was naked, too. Kyon had a hell of a nosebleed and survived this time, because he found Ryoko creepy.

"Two can play at this game," Ryoko said as she snapped her fingers. Then Archer found himself in Sailor Moon Cosplay. Everybody laughed at him. Except for Haruhi, who was a little turned on by Sailor Moon.

Haruhi ran up to Archer and purred, "Anime heroines turn me on. Do me! Right here, right now....." Archer couldn't argue with that agreement. As he began to remove his skirt, he realized something- he didn't know HOW to take one off!

"AHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!" Ryoko laughed Higurashi-style. "You fell for my trap. Now you cannot have smutty smutty smex with anyone anymore! Also you're gonna have a hard time going to the bathroom." Ryoko then snapped her fingers, and she and Haruhi were fully clothed again, much to the disappointment of the men in the class.

"YOU............ BITCH......" growled Archer. he fished around in his pockets for something to hit Ryoko with and came up with.... a giant heart-shaped rod. Perfect.

"Moon Spiral Heart Attack!!" he snarled, firing the attack at a stupefied Ryoko.

Ryoko avoided the attack at the last second, and summoned her combat knife. "Holy crap, you can do that too!" Archer exclaimed as he threw aside the girly looking staff, in favor of summoning his twin blades.

He charged at Ryoko, and swung with both of his swords. One of them hit, leaving a fairly deep wound in the bluenette's chest. However, Archer found that a knife was stuck in his stomach, as the yandre alien struck true. Then the men in class nose bled again, because the cut Archer delivered torn up Ryoko's uniform.

"Ack! You cut my bra! That was my favorite one! You'll pay, you drag queen!" Ryoko thundered, dodging an angry Archer. Haruhi watched them fight with excitement on her face. She had to do something to remember this day.

Then, she decided to grab the heart-shaped rod which Archer discarded. However, as she was about to grab the rod, her hand was grabbed forcefully by a 4chan regular!

"MINE!!!" the freak said through barred teeth. Haruhi rolled her eyes and kicked him out of the way. But twelve more took his place. They closed in like wolves.

Haruhi decided to use her secret weapon against these anons. She extended both of her hands and started screaming. "!!!!!!!!!"

Her hair started to glow gold and energy gathered in her hands. "FINAL FLASH!!!" she screamed as a huge wave of energy was launched at the 4chaners.

For some reason, the 4chaners were all turned into pies, and the sole female became a fish. They all hopped out the window. Haruhi turned around just in time to see Archer get slammed down by Ryoko. She had to save him! He owed her a good sexing after all.

She decided that a DBZ reference would not work in this situation. So, Haruhi did the one thing she could do.

"KYON! GET OF YOUR LAZY ASS AND HELP ARCHER!!!!" Kyon, who was weakened by blood loss, was unconscious. Sighing, Haruhi just rushed at the alien and tried her infamous dropkick.

It worked and Ryoko fell back. She sent out a glare. Now it was just her and Haruhi, face to face.

Haruhi grabbed the girly staff from earlier and decided to give magic a try. She launched a Bufudyne spell at the alien. Ryoko easily avoided the icicles and launched thousands of metal spikes at Haruhi. Haruhi countered by casting Tetrakarn, to create a reflective barrier. The spikes made contact with the barrier and were deflected back at the alien whom launched them.

Thinking quickly, Ryoko shot out a glowing tentacle and retrieved Mikuru from out of her own classroom. She held out the maid in front of her like a shield, and her huge boobs harmlessly bounced the metal spikes away from her and out the window. Ryoko beamed in triumph until Archer and Haruhi screamed. Blinking, Ryoko looked at Mikuru and screamed, too. A single metal spike had embedded itself in Mikuru's forehead. Oops.

"Oh, my god! They killed Asahina! You bastard!" Kyon weakly said from his near-coma. Meanwhile, Haruhi got pissed and decided to finish off the alien. She cast a debilitate spell on the alien, who was struck by sudden weakness. Shrugging it off, she decided to launch more spikes at the tsundere. Haruhi didn't want to waste another spell, so she rolled out of the way in the spikes. She felt a very sharp pain at her left shoulder, where a spike was thrusted. Ignoring the urge to scream, she casted Heat Riser on herself. She then felt much stronger, and decided to go for the kill.

"WIND OF OBLIVION!" screamed Haruhi. She held her arms to the side and unleashed a green crescent-shaped gale of wind. It smashed into Ryoko, knocking the alien on her posterior.

"OKAY! OKAY! I give up!" Ryoko held up her hands in defense. They all turned their stares on the now dead Mikuru. Many eyes filled with tears.

And then Archer said, "Wait a minute! Dry those tears! I have a way to bring her back to life!"

The servant then picked up the moe girl bridal style, and walked to the window. All eyes were on him, anticipating what he would do next.

"I was just kidding. I'm just going to go get it on with her dead body now." He then jumped out of the window with the mascot in his arms.

Kyon couldn't believe this. There was no FUCKING way he would let that necrophiliac get it on with the time-traveler/mascot/crush of his. He weakly stood up and shambled over to the window and whistled. Taniguchi and Kunikida ran into the room. Both were aghast at what Kyon quickly told them. The three then became enveloped in a bright light as Haruhi and Ryoko looked away..... Archer lay Mikuru's body on the sidewalk and smiled.

"Now to feel those tasty lady parts of yours..." he chuckled evilly. But before he could commit the fiendish deed, he heard a noise behind him and looked over his shoulder. His eyes widened. Holy shit, Kyon was holding the katana Souba, Taniguchi was wielding the pile-bunker Duel-Hound on his right arm, and Kunikida was toting the gun Velvet Nightmare. All three boys were on motor cycles and speeding right at him.

Then, something disturbing happened. The seemingly dead arm of Mikuru Asahina reached to the spike on her forehead, and removed it. Then, her eyes opened as the wound on her head was closing at an inhuman rate. Seeing the three boys shocked expression at the time travelers revival, she decided to explain everything. "Stop!" She exclaimed as the three boys got off of their motorbikes.

"I have to tell you all something...Archer? Would you stop feeling my butt?" she said in an annoyed tone.

"Sorry," the sicko replied, wishing he had felt up her chest instead. And that's when Mikuru Asahina delivered her most shocking secret of all detailing her survival.

"I am a Namekian!" she squealed. Everybody there sweatdropped at the time traveler's confession.

"It's true! My mom was human, and my dad was a Namekian. Here! I'll prove it!" She then stretched her arm all the way to the school window, and drug Haruhi out. She had already cast Diarhan on herself, so she wasn't hurting anymore, but she didn't exactly like the way she was being drug.

"Mikuru! I didn't give you permission to touch my breasts, did I?" she said, looking red, as the shy time-traveler noticed which part of her brigade leader's body she dragged outside.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm...... yes?" Mikuru offered lamely. Haruhi was just about to punish Mikuru when Ryoko appeared once more. "Thought you'd seen the last me didn't you?" she sneered. Mikuru took one last squeeze with her hand and shuffled behind Kyon. Another epic battle was about to occur between Haruhi and Ryoko as they looked at one another...... And then Kunikida broke the tension by firing his gun into the air.

"Why are you guys fighting? he asked.

After they told him, Kunikida said, "Archer, tell Suzumiya you're sorry for melting her clothes off. And you do the same for Archer, Asakura."

Then, Kunikida found a combat knife and five arrows, shoved up his ass, while Haruhi hit him with a Mamudo spell. After shutting up the calm thinker, Haruhi and Ryoko started fighting again, with Mikuru stepping into the fray with her Special Mikuru Beam Cannon. Eventually, all of North High was engaged in an epic battle for no good reason. After all was said and done, the only one still alive was...

"Ugh.... what happened...?" Haruhi moaned as she pulled herself from the rubble. Looking around, she saw that she was the only survivor of the vicious fight.

And she was STILL naked for some reason.

Exhausted, the nude tsundere slowly wobbled her way home. She got nose bleeds and WTF? looks from passersby. After a large amount of stupid random battles, half of which were rapists, she finally got to her bedroom, and fell asleep the second her head hit the pillow. She started to have a strange dream, however...

Haruhi was lying on a big fluffy cloud made of cotton candy. She was clad in nothing but a little white see-through robe that did nothing for her body, but at least it was warm. Looking down she saw the cities, oceans, and forests of Earth. But when she looked up, she was face to face with a startling sight.

"Haruhi? How did you get here?" asked a voice.

Haruhi looked up and almost crapped herself.

It was Kyon's giant, floating head!

However, they're reunion was cut short by one of the ghosts from Pac-Man (The red one) eating the head of the cynic. The Pac-Man death song played as the ghost turned its attention to Haruhi. It then transformed into the image of the king from those Legend of Zelda YouTube poops.

"Eating cynics for dinner is what all true warriors strive for, mah boi!" the King said manically

"!!!" Haruhi cried in anguish. In revenge she started jumping at the ghosts and beating the crap out them. But since punching in kicking wasn't in Pac-man, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde weren't harmed.

As they closed in to...... bump into her, I guess, Haruhi realized how she had to beat them and the King.

"DINNER!" Haruhi shouted out to the heavens, as she opened her mouth to eat them all. In a few seconds Haruhi let out a burp after she was done. The ghosts tasted just like... what?

And Haruhi awoke to find she was in the middle of shoving a screaming Imouto down her throat. Oops.

A few months later, Haruhi ended up transferring to Gekkoukan High, because North High was in ruins. She ended up joining a somewhat suicidal school club called: S.E.E.S. where you kill things by shooting yourself. A few years later, she ended up getting married to Kung-Fu Man from Mugen and they had 34.5 beautiful children. Then, she woke up and it was all a dream.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT????" Haruhi ended up screaming. Then she noticed that she was in class... And her teacher was none other than Archer!

It ended in an endless loop of time

A/N: Ermmmmmm...... No comment. But, hey, if you laughed, we did our job. See you later.

The end.