Hello chums and chumettes!

I MUST APOLOGISE. i am so sorry. i am a terrible person. etc. really though i've just been having a truly hideous and bizarre personal time right now, which pushed updating down the priority list, but hopefully it is on the ups again.

much love to anyone who stuck by me, and here's another chapter! dun dun dun. and it won't be so long before the next one. swears!

love love love xxxx

xXx

I ended up stealing some boots from the Lady Sif. They were the only leather boots I could find in my size - most of the Asgardian women wore soft silk slippers or satin heels. Pretty, but impractical. Besides, I just don't feel like myself without my shit-kicking boots on.

I was still avoiding Loki, and had taken to hanging around Thor, hoping to get clues as to Odin's return or Thor's next trip to Asgard. I even tried pushing some thoughts into his head, to see if I could communicate with him as I did with Loki.

It didn't work at all.

I tried it on Sif too, but again – nothing. I guess the bond between Loki and I was stronger than I thought; it had really opened our insides up to each other. I couldn't help wondering what else might have leaked through.

Perhaps that was why I missed him so much. Not just his voice in my head, or the overwhelming loneliness I felt as I wandered about, unseen and unheard, but his physical presence, his large hands and green eyes and his height and the way his mouth quirked….

Thor and his friends spent a lot of time training. And eating. And drinking. Asgardian mead was pretty strong; it only took me a couple of cups and I felt tipsy. It was nice, though, a relief from the constant sadness that threatened to overwhelm me. I felt like there was a hole in my chest.

Battling it out helped, too. When the friends took up training staffs and whirled about, clacking them together I followed suit. At some point it occurred to me that a staff floating about on its own in thin air might look odd, but no-one seemed to have noticed. Come to that, no one had noticed my boots walking about sans legs, either.

I looked down. I could see the boots clearly, then empty space where my body should be, and then the staff I held. I spotted a particularly shiny shield, and went to check my reflection. Still nothing. I was invisible, accessories and all.

But this…. This was progress. I could see me. Some of me. Well, my accoutrements. But – progress!

Hitting a punching bag all day tired me out. I had gotten into the habit of bathing in one of the pools in the palace gardens. No one could see me, so all I had to do was remember where I put my clothes.

One particular day dawned cool and grey, and I shivered as I eased myself into the water, my skin coming up in goosebumps. I lay back, my hair spreading out in the water around me, and floated.

There was a giant –crack- noise; the sky roiled, and the clouds split in two. I leapt up, realised I couldn't touch the bottom, and disappeared briefly below the surface of the water. When I came back up, spluttering, the clouds had rolled away, and a chilled blue sky was visible. The air felt charged. I felt a wave of indefinable emotion roll through me, and knew that it came from Loki. Without a doubt, then.

Odin's back.

xXx

I staked out the throne room, armed with a warming cup of mead. Nothing wrong with relying on alcohol to numb your pain, was there?

I wasn't the only one waiting for news. Gossip spread in Asgard just like it did on Earth, and everyone was aware of the reasons for Odin's absence. Groups of nobles, casually decked out in their finest jewels and silks, gathered in groups, chatting, drinking, nibbling on sweetmeats delivered by servants on trays, and darting the occasional glance towards the empty throne.

I finished my mead, and swiped another. As I sipped it, a hush fell over the room, then there was a rustling of fine clothing as the attendees retreated, bowing, clearing a path as Odin and Frigga swept into the room, followed by Thor, and…. Loki. I nearly dropped my goblet. He looked thinner, his cheekbones even sharper. He wore all black, his eyes firmly looking straight ahead, ignoring the mutters and stares of the surrounding nobles. I felt a twist in my chest, half pain, half relief as my heart leapt. The iron cold links of our bond tightened around me, and I felt his carefully controlled fear, the tight hold he had on his emotions.

Please, look at me, I begged mentally. Just for a second, acknowledge my existence. You know I'm here for you.

I didn't know if he heard me or not, but his green eyes flickered briefly.

"My friends, I beg your leave," Odin said wearily, settling himself in his throne. "I appreciate your welcome but as you can see I have returned safely, and I have matters I must discuss with my sons."

The crowd murmured, bowed, and left.

Thor and Frigga came to stand either side of Odin, and Loki was left alone. I moved forward to stand midway between Loki and the throne. He must have caught the movement out of the corner of his eye, because he involuntarily turned his head, and I was looking into his eyes for the first time in weeks. Everything melted and tensed up at the same time inside me; for a moment, I forgot how to breathe.

xXx

Before he could stop himself, he looked. It was her.

He felt relieved, as though a piece he had not known was missing had snapped into place inside him. His mouth twisted with distaste, and he averted his eyes, looking instead towards the dais. The warmth that had rushed into his stomach stayed, however, and he felt a little braver as he watched Odin's tired face.

"My son," he began. Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "I have consulted my seers, and I have tried to contact Thanos and determine his objective. I return with grave news."

Thor's brow was creased in worry. Odin sighed, and rubbed his forehead. Loki tried not to shift his feet. He locked his hands behind him.

"My scout's head returned missing his body."

Frigga put a hand to her mouth, and Thor put his arm around her.

"The oracle…. told me much, and Loki's role in the dark times ahead became clear, as well as his punishment."

That last word fell heavy on his ears, and Loki couldn't help but look at Isobel again. She was staring at Odin. He breathed in, and tentatively reached out across their bond. She felt…. Determined. And her mind was on him, if not her eyes. She – he snapped his head away. She was looking at him. To his embarrassment, he felt blood rushing to his face. He hastily withdrew from their bond.

"It seems that Thanos courts Death," Odin said quietly. "He has spent much time in her worship and thrall; his greatest plans have evolved to impress her with maximum loss of life. It is only with her help that he can himself be killed. And this is where you will play your part, my son."

Loki felt his stomach muscles tense involuntarily. Odin beckoned him forward, a hand outstretched. Loki stepped forward, but did not take the proffered hand.

"I will set you on your path. Your task is to travel into the Underworld and obtain the Weeping Blade, the only weapon that will eliminate Thanos. This is our best hope to win this fight and prevent more destruction being visited upon Midgard, which we so long ago swore to protect. Once you have the blade, you must go back to Thanos under pretence of rejoining him, and end his life."

Loki felt the blood drain from his face, and hoped his normal pale complexion would hide his fear; but Odin's eye missed nothing. He reached out and held Loki's hand, and Loki let him. Their eyes met, and for a moment they were father and son again.

"You must do this thing, my Loki," Odin said softly, speaking only to him. Loki let the words echo through his mind so that Isobel could hear. He could feel her in his mind again, a slight presence but warm and golden, like a candle lit in a far-off window.

"Should you succeed, your actions will ensure the safety of yourself, your home, and the Earth. Your blood-debts will be paid and you will be free. Are you willing to embark on this quest, in full knowledge of the dangers to be faced?"

"I am." Loki heard his mother breathe shallowly in, then out, quickly, composing herself.

"Swear then that you will undertake this task to the best of your ability."

"I swear."

Odin sighed, and squeezed his son's hand before letting it fall.

"Then I release you on your way, and my blessing goes with you. You will join us for the feast tonight, and set off tomorrow."

Loki nodded, and stepped down. Thor was holding his mother tightly; tears ran down her face, but she stood tall and proud, not making a sound. Loki bowed to them all, turned and left the room. He could not resist sending a tendril of his mind towards Isobel, feeling her disbelief gently, before withdrawing. He went to his rooms and lay down on the bed, drawing the curtains tightly.

She would have to come with him. He would have to succeed. He felt a silent vehement thanks that Odin had not stripped him of his magic; at least he would have something to fight with.

But Izzy had not looked well, dark circles under her tired eyes. He had been lonely without her, yet the thought of her pained him even as it filled his skin with excitement and his head with confusion. His heart was a mystery to him, for Loki was not accustomed to listening to it. It always said the same thing anyway: why not me, why never me, in all the years, where was my love?

He unconsciously touched a long finger to his lips, remembering what hers had felt like. A low twist in his stomach and he sighed and rolled onto his back. What was there to do but get through the next few days? How could he ensure the workability of the plan?

xXx

I had to sit down, after that giant revelation. Hi, Loki, yeah, d'you mind going to hell to pick up that one knife thingy so that you can kill Death's boyfriend? He's set on the destruction of all life. Oh, great, thanks.

I stared into the fire and briefly considered the thought that I was actually insane and currently in a mental asylum, strait-jacketed and muttering to myself in my delusions.

Thor's voice made me look around. He was speaking softly to Odin, and after so many weeks practicing my eavesdropping skills I didn't hesitate to move close enough to hear.

"Did you see his eyes?" he was saying, his forehead creased in concern. "I thought he was calmer, I've seen him recently and he's seems more himself, then a handful of minutes in this room and he's twitching again, and his eyes…. He looks mad, father."

Odin said nothing, staring wearily into space.

"Are you sure he is fit enough to take on this task? Might not a few weeks in the healing room benefit him more?"

I couldn't help but be touched by Thor's concern for his little brother.

Odin sighed. "I don't know, Thor, but he must do this. There is no other way, no other path. The seers saw nothing but darkness apart from this."

Frigga spoke up. "We have only hope, Thor."

Thor hugged her, and I felt I shouldn't intrude on the family moment any more; I left the room and found a small sitting room nearby, sinking down on a sofa by the fire.

He was leaving tomorrow. I supposed that meant I was, too. Unless he released me from our bond. Did I want him to? I began to panic, a little. What if he did release me, then abandoned me and left me invisible and silent? What would I do? Throw myself off the Bifrost? Bit dramatic. Follow Thor around until he went back to Earth and hitch a ride? And then….

Calm down, caaaaalm down, I told myself sternly. Loki is coming to the feast tonight. You'll just have to force the issue then, confront him when he can't shut you out.

Good point well made, brain. And if he tries to ignore me, I'll throw bread rolls at him.