Author Notes: Hi guys! Here's the update and I hope you like it or didn't find it cheesy or overrated. I swear sometimes I feel like a goddamn hopeless romantic whenever I update this fic. Well, maybe because I really am. Damn… Okay, I'm gonna shut up now and let you guys read in peace.

Warnings: This fic contains yaoi/malexmale, bad language, bad grammar and possible OOCness; possible because I tried my best to keep them in character, hehe.

Disclaimer: Don't own it. If I do, Soul Society would be a yaoi haven.

Chapter 10:

Confess. Freak out. Run away.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

I've trained myself to be apathetic at all times. I worked hard to strengthen my outstanding self-control so I could properly deal with certain situations that required me to be stern and serious. Showing any form of vulnerability or weakness was always considered as a mistake for me. It was funny on how the disturbing spectacle in front of me quickly destroyed that outstanding self-control. My jaw tightened, threatening to break my teeth as I felt rage completely took over me, pounding my cold mask into dusk in a matter of seconds. I just couldn't take the scene in front of me. Renji... being held by Hisagi. The sight was something that made my blood boil in an impossibly fast rate that time suddenly moved so quickly. The next thing I knew, I was already in front of them, glaring at Hisagi with a promise of death in my eyes.

My right hand man looked shocked, his face pale as a chalk as if he had seen a ghost. "B-Byakuya-sama..." He stuttered.

I wanted to hurt him, if possible kill him for betraying me. Why did he lie to me? Why did he secretly leave the hotel and stayed with Renji? Why was he holding him? I could only think of death as the consequence of his mistake. I would never forgive him.

Then, I diverted my attention to Renji. His handsome face had the same color and expression as Hisagi, the only difference was the immense pain that clearly gleamed in his usually fiery eyes. It suddenly dragged me back to sanity and contained myself. "Renji." I heard myself utter, his name rolling off my tongue unconsciously.

Tears suddenly filled the corners of his crimson eyes, his lips twitching in a painful way as he gazed at me. I felt my chest thumping painfully as his misery became fully evident in his face. He tried to open his mouth, attempting to say something but he failed in doing so when his eyes suddenly rolled at the back of his head and he fell back. On impulse, I swiftly moved to catch him, my body singing silently in bliss as I felt his warmth. He fainted, his eyes were now closed, hiding every intense emotion that burned in them a while ago and his cheeks were now tainted with red, he smelled of alcohol but his unique scent still lingered through my nose. The harshness in my face seemed to vanish as I stared at him, feeling sorry for what I did to him.

"He's drunk, Byakuya-sama." I heard a deep voice inform me.

I took a silent breath and tried to calm myself. As much as I desired to punish Hisagi, I had to think of Renji's welfare first. I looked at my right hand man, still with fierceness in my gaze. "I'm expecting you to give me a thorough explanation of your actions, Hisagi." I told him before I lifted Renji and carried him towards the car.

I didn't know what I was supposed to do, but one thing was for sure. I had to confess what I really feel for Renji.

RENJI ABARAI

I had a terrible nightmare about Byakuya again. It was the scariest dream I had so far because it looked and felt so real. I remembered Hisagi-san inviting me to go sight-seeing around Milan. I remembered I was so happy because I was having a great time. When night time fell, we went to this interesting club wherein I danced, made some new friends and got drunk. I remembered the bitter-sweet taste of the alcohol in my tongue and remembered the natural high it gave me. I remembered feeling so carefree that I told Hisagi-san about the real reason why I left Japan. I remembered crying on his shoulder, telling him how much I love Byakuya and how hard it was to forget him. Then he hugged me and I remembered feeling comfortable and good because of that. Then everything suddenly changed when a car stopped beside us and Byakuya got out. He had this dangerous aura about him and his fury was evident in his usually stoic eyes and face. It was horrible. I thought he was going to kill me and Hisagi-san. I remembered feeling all pathetic and stuff upon seeing his face again. The pain only increased as he gazed at me with those horrible eyes that made me want to die right then and there. Actually, I think I did die in my dream because I only saw darkness after that... and comforting warmth that enveloped me as I succumbed to it.

I tried to move and rolled on my side, feeling the soft silk of the sheets under me. I was slowly getting out of unconsciousness and chose to remain in the dark by keeping my eyes closed. I felt the pounding pain in my skull as the effects of the alcohol washed over me. I lifted a hand and rubbed my scalp in an attempt to ease the pain.

What time is it anyway?

I slowly cracked an eye open, momentarily blinded as light rushed through them. After a few seconds of being used to the light, I looked around and shot up.

Shit.

It wasn't really a good experience to wake up face to face with a man who... My heart suddenly thrashed like mad inside my chest, my eyes now wide in shock and my lips opened in awe as I found Byakuya sitting on a chair right in front of me.

Fuck.

Damn.

Hell.

"B-Byakuya..."

I suddenly had this strong urge to pinch myself just to find out if I was dreaming or if he was really in front of me. But at that time, I realized I couldn't move. I could only stare and get lost in his dark violet eyes that glinted with... what the fuck?

Why does his eyes... look... different?

I looked intently at his violet orbs and even blinked, trying to confirm if what I seeing was true and it was. Byakuya... Byakuya was looking at me with longing in his eyes.

What in the mother of fuck is happening?

I slowly shook my head and buried my face in my hands, wishing that I was still sleeping and this was all just another cruel nightmare. There was no way that he was there with that expression. It was just impossible for Byakuya to look at me like that!

I felt my heart banging against my ribcage once again and fuck, it was painful and seemed to be intolerable. But despite that familiar agony that swallowed my entire body in its suffocating restraints, I was happy. I was happy because he was in front of me and I could see him. I held my head tighter. No, this was just a fucking dream, right?

"Renji."

The reality of this current situation was suddenly proven by that deep voice. It has been a long time since I last heard it and hearing it again made me feel... Fuck. This was just so impossible.

"I'm dreaming. This is a dream. This is not real." I mumbled to myself, then a warm hand suddenly touched my shoulder. I instantly stopped from what I was doing and looked up, looked at him, directly in his beautiful yet strange violet eyes.

I was lost, lost for words, lost as to what should I fucking do. It was so hard to think of a smart remark to say and let him know I was faring well as he looked at me in a way I had never seen him look before. He was acting so strange... like he wasn't the man I love and left in Japan.

"Are you alright?" He asked, his voice tainted with so much care and concern it was unbelievable.

I knew I wasn't okay but I nodded anyway, still fucking amazed that Byakuya was really in front of me and was being nice to me. I forced myself to tear my eyes away from his mesmerizing gaze and looked to the floor, thinking and finally accepting the realization.

Okay... so Byakuya was really in front of me, what should I do? Why is he here? Where the fuck am I, by the way? Does this mean that what happened last night was not really a dream? Where's Hisagi-san?

I clutched at my chest, trying my best to calm it down as confusing questions flooded my mind. I slowly took a deep breath and tried to speak. "W-where am I?" I asked in a faint voice.

"In a hotel." He answered so softly my mind was reeling. It was so difficult to believe that I wasn't really dreaming. "You were drunk and you fainted. I brought you here." He explained.

I smirked inwardly. So it really happened... it wasn't a fucking bad dream. Damn.

"Where's Hisagi-san?" I immediately asked, worried.

A flash of anger flickered in his eyes. "I sent him back to Japan. Punishment awaits him once I go home." He answered with coldness in his voice.

"Wait! Don't! He didn't do anything wrong! He didn't want to lie and hide everything from you! I asked him to do that so if you're going to get mad, get mad at me, not him!" I explained, looking desperately at him, hoping that he would not do anything bad to Hisagi-san. Byakuya was a powerful, cold man after all. He could easily ask his lackeys to kill Hisagi-san if he wanted to. I would never forgive myself it that happens.

His brows furrowed to a tight knot, wearing his signature expression that he was basically known for. Obviously, he was angry at what we did. "I don't care if you asked him to do that. The fact that he agreed to your request was enough reason to punish him and how could you ask him to be with you when you're claiming that you're in-love with me?"

I stared, I blinked and I had no idea what else hit me. I was shocked to the bone by his uncharacteristic reaction. Why was he acting that way? I gazed confusingly at him. I just didn't get this Byakuya in front of me. Then, "What do you care? You don't feel anything for me, right?" I blurted. I didn't really mean to say that, it just came out when I remembered all the things that happened between us in Japan.

He paused and looked dumbfounded it was amazing, as if he just noticed that he was not acting like himself. Seriously, what was wrong with him? He diverted his gaze to the side and suddenly looked uncomfortable.

I looked down and felt uncomfortable as well. I was damn confused, a lot of questions swimming inside my head because of the current situation. I didn't know what to make of it. I was happy to see him again and even exchanged words with him but the pain was still there, tormenting my insides, screaming in my head that it will grew stronger because I knew Byakuya was going to reject me again. My hands balled into fists as anger flared up inside me. "Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?" I demanded.

BYAKUYA KUCHIKI

Now, how would I answer that question? A couple of possible answers formulated themselves inside my head but putting them into words was harder than I'd expected. Along with the realization that he was angry at me for being harsh at Hisagi was the fact that my supposedly fearless self suddenly cowered in a corner, frightened at the possible failure that I might encounter.

I just silently focused my eyes on his, constructing the right words that would tell everything that I wanted him to know while he looked back at me, waiting for my response. Seconds suddenly turned into a minute and Renji finally got impatient that stirred panic inside my chest. He tore his crimson eyes away from me and sat up, carefully getting off the bed as his face twisted in pain because of his aching head.

I impulsively reached for his arm in an instant, stopping him from leaving. He looked at me with wide ruby eyes. "B-Byakuya..."

Again, I just looked at him, my gaze filled with meaningful emotions that I hoped he would immediately understand. I opened my mouth to say something, but no words came out of it as I suddenly found myself unable to speak, fear taking over me like a tidal wave.

Those wide eyes turned into slits, confusion and pain gleaming into them. My hope broken and shattered as I saw his jaw tightened in irritation. "What do you want from me?" He snapped.

I was fully knowledgeable that I was driving him crazy with my strange actions and believe me, I wanted to ease his pain and wondering but... I was afraid. Byakuya Kuchiki, heir of the noble Kuchiki Clan was frightened of his own feelings. I took another deep breath and gathered my strength. It was either I do it or suffer the consequences of letting him go once again. "I..." I heard myself say, a bit relieved that I'm finally capable of speech again. My tongue rolled backwards, trying to utter the next word but... "I..."

He gave me a really weird look as if I'd gone crazy which was actually the case, yanked his arm from my grip and stood up. Time suddenly moved fast for me as he strode towards the door to leave, muttering a soft "Sorry for imposing on you and thank you." as he walked away.

I felt my heart pounded violently against my chest, panic and fear striking me like lightning as I realized that he would probably be walking out of my life forever if I let him pass through that door.

"I love you."

RENJI ABARAI

I was intent on leaving. Byakuya acting like a total stranger was freaking the hell out of me. I just don't understand why he was acting that way. He was giving me these foreign looks on his face that fucking resembled longing and sadness. He was Kuchiki Byakuya and the heir of the Kuchiki clan doesn't show weak emotions like that! I thought leaving and saving myself from further pain was the best thing to do but fuck! My resolved suddenly crumbled to a pile of dust and sand when he said those words.

"I love you."

...

...

...

You know what? Screw this.

Every part of my body suddenly shivered, the pathetic organ that resided in my chest called my heart palpitated like mad by the mention of those three beautiful yet unrealistically true words.

There was no effing way that Byakuya said that.

As I contemplated and questioned my ability for defining what was real or not, I stood there, in the middle of the room like a statue, unable to move or react. My mind just couldn't accept nor comprehend the idea that I really heard those words and those words were spoken by a voice so similar to Byakuya's. I heard soft footsteps approaching me, the subtle sound getting closer and closer. Then it stopped and the next thing I knew, a pair of strong hands gently wrapped themselves around me, a hard chest was against my back and a warm breath touched my cheek.

What the fuck?

The gentle hands tightened themselves around me as a deep yet soft whisper made its way through my ear. "I love you, Renji."

I bit my lip…hard. "W-what are you saying?" I tried to say incredulously, breathing was suddenly difficult for me. I had no idea what exactly was happening and my brain still refused to accept this warm body against me as Byakuya's, and no one could fucking blame me for feeling that way because the Byakuya I and everyone knew, doesn't act like this. "P-please let go of me, Byakuya-dono." Way to go, Renji. That supposedly harsh demand didn't sound like one at all.

He didn't listen. Instead, he tightened his arms around me that sucked the life out of me. "No." he firmly said.

It was so unfair. How could he say all those things and force himself on me after saying he didn't feel anything for me? He coldly broke my heart and tossed me away, made my life a living hell after his rejection and made me drive myself away from him in a foreign country alone just to forget him and then would just come here and say that he love me?. I was so ready to completely give up on him already but why? Why was he doing this? Just to hurt me again? That was just so fucking unfair.

Tears started to blind my eyes as pain only filled my heart again. I closed my eyes shut to stop them from falling and collected my thoughts. "Please stop saying nonsense, Byakuya-dono. I know what you're doing. You're just saying that to know if I'd already forgotten about my feelings for you. This… this nonsense that you're spouting is nothing more than punishment for what I did to Hisagi-san."

This time I felt him tense. Yet, his arms didn't lose its' strength and kept holding me, cradling me as if I was some important object. I felt him suck a deep breath and spoke. "Please believe me, Renji." He said, but that was it. There were no details or explanation on why he suddenly changed his mind and started saying things opposite of what he kept telling me before. It was unfair. I deserved to know the reason but it seemed that he had no intention of explaing himself.

I raised my trembling hands and bit my lip hard as I pulled his arms off me and ran away, out of that large room, out of that luxurious suite and out of that expensive hotel, leaving him along with my broken heart. He was confusing me as hell. How was I supposed to react when I couldn't figure him out? I ran as fast as I can, leaving tears on my trail as I thought of leaving Italy to get away from him.

I ended up in my apartment, taking deep breaths for the strenuous running I did for nearly twenty minutes. I immediately grabbed the phone when I went inside and dialed Ichigo's number, tapping my foot impatiently as I waited for him to answer. After a few more rings, I heard a soft click and…

"Hello?"

"Ichigo! Fuck! Damn! You wouldn't believe what happened to me!"

"Oh, it' just you, stupid pineapple." Ichigo replied dryly. Obviously, he was still mad at my decision to go to Italy. He wasn't in favor of it, though he understood why I did it.

I ignored his cold response. "Byakuya! Byakuya is here!"

"What the fuck? No way! Rukia said he went to Hokkaido for a business deal!" he screamed incredulously.

"No! He's fucking here and he just did the one thing I never expect he would do!"

"What is it?"

"He said he loves me!" I continued in a panicky voice and rubbed my forehead in distress. "C-can you believe that? He went all the way to Italy just to tell me that. That's just so unbelievable!"

"Hell yeah! That's just fucked! Maybe he lost his mind or something or maybe he was drunk!"

"No! He wasn't drunk when he told me that! But I'm not sure if he's still sane! A man like him just doesn't say words of affection like that!"

"So, what the fuck did you do?"

I slumped back on the wall and let my body fall on the floor. "I… I ran away." I answered, tears threatening to fall from my eyes again. "I was fucking confused and I didn't know what to do so I ran away."

"Renji…" Ichigo softly uttered in response, his voice filled with sympathy.

"And now… I'm fucking regretting what I did. I know I've already decided to let go of my feelings for him but when he told me he loves me, I couldn't help but feel happy. I was so happy that I suddenly wanted to continue loving him! But he was confusing me with his uncharacteristic actions and it seriously scared the shit out of me! What if he suddenly changes his mind and ask me to go away? What the fuck am I going to do? I think I wouldn't be able to deal with the pain anymore!" I rambled as I covered my eyes with my free hand, hoping that it would stop the tears from falling.

Ichigo was quiet as I silently cried. Seriously, I've been crying since last night and I didn't want to do that anymore. It made me feel so damn weak like I'm some woman. Heck, I doubt if Rukia had ever cried that hard like I did. Fuck. I was so pathetic.

"You still love him right?" The strawberry asked softly after the silence.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah."

"Do you believe him?"

"I want to."

"Then you don't have to be scared of being hurt. If he really loves you, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you anymore."

Author Notes: Please, I know. Lame. Don't tell me. But still, I want ot know what you guys think so please review. Thanks very much for reading!