Zombie Protection Agency
Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel or Capcom.
Chapter 10: War of the Worlds!
Deadpool looked up at the title,
"Does the author of this work know that that title has been taken?"
Dante blinked,
"What are you talking about?"
The Merc-with-a-mouth said,
"War of the Worlds? That's the name of this chapter. It's a book by this author from the late 19th century about aliens coming to Earth. But, the aliens all get killed off by the common cold."
Trish tapped her chin in thought,
"Didn't they make that a movie?"
Chris nodded,
"Yep, and it was originally broadcasted on radio in the 1930s."
Everyone looked at the former Special Forces Operative and he blinked and shifted his eyes,
"Or, at least, so I was told."
Deadpool shook his head,
"In any event, we can't have this chapter be called War of the Worlds. It's been done. How about A New Deadpool? Or, Deadpool Strikes Back? Or Return of the Deadpool? Those are some original titles."
Taskmaster rolled his eyes,
"So says the guy that lost to a teen squirrel chick."
The sword-using mercenary roared,
"HOW DARE YOU DIVULGE MY ONE DEFEAT! I WAS FRAMED! IT WAS A CONSPIRACY BY THE AUTHORS OF MARVEL FOR ME TO LOSE TO HER! I HATE SQUIRRELS, AND I HATE SQUIRREL GIRL!"
Jill asked,
"Uh, is this something we want to know about?"
Taskmaster said simply,
"A teen heroine who looked like a squirrel beat Deadpool all by herself."
Deadpool got angry and pulled out his guns,
"Less talking, more killing!"
He proceeded to fire at the members of the Slayers Protection Agency and scattered the three of them. Chris went to take on Dante while Jill went to take on Trish. Deadpool and Taskmaster were going to fight each other.
Dante pulled out his sword,
"So, what are you doing here?"
Chris pulled out a magnum,
"The same could be asked of you."
The demonic mercenary said,
"Don't know, only Doom hired us and, seeing as you're here, we can finally settle our rivalry!"
He went to attack Chris, but Redfield rolled out of the way and fired his magnum at Dante's legs. The fight continued on.
Taskmaster and Deadpool began clashing swords and the skull-masked mercenary said,
"At least when Dante blew up your car, it was done with a little class. His bike got totaled by a street sweeper."
Dante shouted,
"How do you know about it?"
Deadpool began laughing,
"The readers all know it! It was a few chapters a-!"
Just then, Taskmaster's sword pierced Deadpool's chest and the wise-cracking mercenary groaned,
"You know what, that's low, Skeletor."
Taskmaster shook his head,
"No, but this is."
Materializing a shield on his free hand, the copy-cat mercenary slammed the shield onto Deadpool's throat, dropping him to the floor. Deadpool stood up, his wounds healing. He shouted,
"That's it! I let the author get away with making a fool of me because I get paid for it. But…YOU!"
He pulled out a can of spinach and, squeezing it tightly, the contents flew into the air and Deadpool swallowed them up. In a moment, Deadpool flexed his muscles and charged into battle rather foolishly,
"DIE, SKELETOR!"
He began pummeling his skeleton-masked opponent.
After a few seconds of pummeling, however, Deadpool stopped and blinked,
"Wait, we're missing something. What about the super-awesome erotic cat-fight between Trish and Jill?"
Taskmaster blinked,
"You know something, I just noticed that too. Is the author of this trash being so lazy that he forgets to put a cat-fight in?"
At that moment, Trish yelled,
"DIE, BITCH!"
She speared Jill through a table and began thrashing like a wild animal at her. Jill put a head scissor technique on her blonde opponent and threw her aside, and then crawled on top and began slapping Trish silly. Trish tried to fire a gun and Jill deflected it in time. A shot rang out and the bullet traveled up to a pipe in the ceiling, causing the water to break and shower down on the two female combatants.
Dante, Chris, Deadpool, and Taskmaster were watching in perverted bliss as the two women had slopping hair as they fought. Trish and Jill seemed oblivious to the drooling going on until both women looked at the men. Suddenly, a cold breeze seemed to move through the castle and Jill and Trish looked at each other. The blonde asked,
"Truce?"
The former special ops soldier nodded,
"Truce."
Trish charged up her sword and lashed out with it, launching an energy beam,
"DIE, PERVERTS!"
The four men ran for their lives. Soon, energy beams had perforated every floor of the castle, reducing it into dust in a matter of minutes. Both the Zombie Protection Agency and the Slayers Protection Agency looked at the destruction that was caused by this. Deadpool said,
"Doom is not going to believe this. I'll just leave a note behind and our fee."
And so, as Doom returned from his vacation, he saw his beloved castle reduced to dust and roared,
"CURSE YOU, ZOMBIE PROTECTION AGENCY! AND YOU, SLAYER PROTECTION AGENCY! YOU WERE WORKING FOR RICHARDS! I KNOW IT!"
He then read the note and growled,
"They don't even write on recycled paper, the fools! How dare they pollute the planet of Doom!"
Next Chapter:
In the wake of this destruction, the heroes and villains from both the Marvel and Capcom worlds decide that it is time to put the SPA and the ZPA out of business. Stay tuned, fellow readers!