Warnings: This chapter contains watersports (being sexually aroused by/getting off from being peed on). It also contains desperation and accidental peeing. If you are not into that, skip this one. I would say it's not essential to the plot, but honestly, what plot? None of these chapters are essential.

A/N: As a side note, I think (I may be wrong) that men's trousers in the UK tend to fasten with buttons rather than zippers. But the zipper thing was necessary to the story, so whatever.

Wardrobe Malfunction

They were lying in Harry's bed after a particularly pleasant afternoon. Harry traced slow circles on Draco's chest with his index finger, following it with gentle kisses.

"Mm. You should stop," Draco murmured.

"Why?"

"Do you plan to finish what you're starting?"

Harry chuckled. "Ready to go again so soon?" He shifted so he could kiss Draco on the mouth, simultaneously giving his bits a light squeeze. "I don't think so. Neither of us is eighteen anymore."

Draco huffed. "Well, it was worth pretending, anyway. Good god, I feel old."

"The way you fucked me five minutes ago says different." Harry grinned at Draco's grudging grunt indicating his acceptance of the compliment.

"Whatever."

That only served to make Harry laugh harder. When he'd calmed down, he said, "Come with me next weekend. My cousin's youngest, his son, is getting married."

Draco sat bolt upright, knocking Harry sideways. "Hell, no. Your cousin's a Muggle, yes?"

"Obviously. What's that got to do with anything?"

"I've never been to a Muggle affair of any sort." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Harry sat up. "Then this is perfect." He grinned wickedly. "I cannot wait to see you in a Muggle suit. Oh, you are going to look fantastic."

Draco's cheeks pinked at those words. "Oh, all right. But won't your family be there? How do you plan to explain my presence?"

"It'll just be my children. They're friendly with Dudley's family because his daughter's a witch. She was in Ravenclaw, in a stunning twist of irony."

"If you say so." Draco shot him a puzzled look. "Why is that ironic?"

"Erm, you'll see. That is, if you plan to come with me. We'll use a Glamour, and no one will be the wiser."

"Fine," Draco huffed. His features softened. "But you'd better make it worth my while, Potter."

"You do need to learn to stop calling me that, you know." Harry kissed him again and rose to sort out his clothes. "But I promise you won't regret it."

Draco had good enough manners and long enough years to know better than to fidget, but it was difficult. The Muggle suit Harry had helped him choose was hot and uncomfortable. He had no idea how Muggle men could stand being in such a thing for more than five minutes. He had an insane urge to tug at his sleeves. It was almost worth it, however, just to see Harry in the same sort of garments. He looked marvelous, and the sight had Draco's mouth watering. It was a good thing Harry had promised Draco could take him home and ravage him afterwards.

The ceremony was brief. It was in a church, but it wasn't nearly as long as Louis Weasley's had been—or possibly it just felt that way because Draco wasn't wearing a 'malfunctioning' charmed cock ring. Either way, they moved into the more festive part of the celebration quickly. It was a relief to be able to shed the suit coat and drape it over the back of his chair as the other men were doing.

James, Al, and Lily were all there of course, but none of them had brought dates. They mostly seemed to be present as support for the groom's sister, the one Harry had mentioned was a Muggle-born witch. Actually, Draco suspected the groom's mother wasn't a Muggle at all but a Squib. She had that look about her. He forced himself to swallow his old pride—that wasn't any use anymore anyway—and stuck to Harry's side, refraining from snide comments about Muggles, Muggle-borns, and Squibs. He was rather proud of himself.

The affair was odd. There were no floating candles, no charmed decorations, and no one setting off wand displays for the happy couple as they entered the ballroom. The ice sculptures were actually melting, and the band they'd hired played only Muggle music. Some of it was vaguely familiar, but only because when Scorpius was at Hogwarts, the students had gone through a fad of listening to Muggle songs. One of the popular groups had changed lyrics on several songs to something more wizard-friendly. This band, however, was only performing the standard Muggle versions, all of which had words that sounded alien to Draco's untrained ears.

On the positive side, the Glamour seemed to be working. Harry introduced him to the others as 'Daniel', and no one questioned it. Only Lily had commented on Harry's choice of date. Al already knew Harry was interested in men, of course, and wasn't surprised. Draco wasn't sure why James seemed so casual about it, though he did arch an eyebrow at Harry, who merely waved him away. Lily's concern had been more about her mother than anything else, but Harry had reassured her, and she'd skipped off to talk to the groom's sister.

In the meanwhile, Draco began to relax. Despite the horrid suit, he was having a passable time. There was something refreshing about not tensing up when people approached him, still unsure if their friendliness was genuine or a display. He had to remind himself not to use magic, but other than that, he relaxed and enjoyed Harry's company. James and Al were warm towards him, chattering amiably about their work.

They'd clearly spent a good deal of time around Muggles because they slid easily into using Muggle terms for their employment. Draco knew Al had followed Harry into the Auror corps, but he used a handful of unintelligible words that sounded like he'd read them out of a guide book on 'How to Speak Muggle Police Jargon'. It all left Draco baffled, and he was fairly certain Al was having a laugh at his expense by the end of it, which annoyed him. Harry calmed him with a gentle press of his hand on Draco's knee under the table. Even so, Draco decided he wasn't going to make it through the rest of the evening if he had to do it sober. The whole thing was simply too weird.

After several hours, and several drinks, Draco was both somewhat past tipsy and more than somewhat in need of the toilet. He murmured to Harry, who shrugged and made a non-committal noise about taking care of things as well. Draco resisted rolling his eyes; he suspected Harry thought he'd meant something less literal. Unfortunately, his nether parts were quite pleased at the notion despite the pressure on his bladder. Draco mentally admonished his cock to stay put, thank you very much.

They stepped into the toilets and Draco made to unfasten the suit trousers. He managed the button, but no matter how much he tugged on it, the zipper would not budge. The combination of one drink too many and his panic over the zipper made him desperate. He sucked in his breath. "Damn it."

"You all right?" Harry eyed him, breaking the rule even lovers tend to obey and glancing over from where he was already relieving himself.

"No! I can't get my flies open. God damned Muggle clothing! I'm going to hex you for this." He caught a flash of Harry's stream, and the sight and sound increased his own urgency.

Harry made a tiny noise that might have been suppressed laughter, and Draco glared at him. After a couple of seconds, Harry asked, "Want a bit of help? I'm nearly done."

Stuffing down his pride, Draco replied, "Fine. Just make it quick. I'm desperate here." He turned to face Harry.

After tucking himself away again, Harry came close and knelt down. He sniggered. "Not the first time I've been in this position."

"Shut up! I am about to piss myself here." Proving the point, Draco's bladder contracted and a small spurt escaped. He squeezed harder. "Shit."

"It's okay. I can see where it's stuck. Almost got it."

Draco whined. "I don't think I can hold it." Another cramp hit. He breathed slowly through his nose. "This is fucking ridiculous. Ungh!" He whimpered at another leak.

With a loud noise, the zip finally came undone, and Harry yanked on Draco's trousers. It was too late. Harry stood up just in time to avoid being hit as Draco's abused bladder let go. For a shocked moment, they just stood there looking at each other. An odd look passed over Harry's face and he dragged down his own trousers, stepping close enough to let the stream hit him, splashing over his stomach and rapidly-filling cock.

Draco's mouth dropped open, but before he could react, Harry was kissing him. He groaned, both from the contact and from the relief at finally being able to piss. He felt movement and looked down to see Harry stroking himself. He gasped. The stream slowly tapered off and stopped. Still in a bit of shock, Draco just stood there, breathing rapidly, whilst Harry finished himself off. He felt the hot splatter as Harry came, and his own body responded enthusiastically to the erotic mess they'd just made.

"Fuck," Harry remarked. He squeezed Draco's cock lightly. "Let me take care of that for you."

He knelt down again, apparently oblivious to the puddle on the floor, and ran his hands up Draco's thighs. He followed the path with his mouth, kissing and occasionally nipping the inside of Draco's left leg. With his fingers, he teased a bit, dragging them through the coarse hair above Draco's cock. He hummed softly, sending vibrations through Draco's skin and causing him to inhale sharply.

Harry put out just the tip of his tongue, touching it to the end of Draco's penis and twirling around it. Draco shuddered, and in one swift motion Harry engulfed him. He flattened his tongue and ran it up and down without moving his mouth then retreated enough to leave room to wrap his hand around the base. He applied firm suction and moved his mouth and hand at the same pace until he had Draco moaning and thrusting against his tongue.

"Gonna—gonna come," he managed, twisting his hand in Harry's hair.

Harry hummed again and kept going until Draco jerked his hips and grunted, gripping Harry's hair and throwing his head back as he emptied himself into Harry's mouth. He stilled, panting and waiting for his galloping heart to slow down. When he was calmer, he gently extracted himself, and Harry turned his head to the side to expel his mouthful. They looked around ruefully at the wet clothes and various body fluids all over the floor.

Shrugging, Harry rose to his feet. He pulled out his wand—where the hell had he been hiding it, and why hadn't he used it on the zip?—and made to vanish the mess.

"Wait!" Draco said.

Harry paused, wand raised. "What?"

"Muggles."

"We're alone, or I wouldn't have just sucked you off." Harry flicked his wand and the floor was clean again. One more flick and their clothes were dry. Using a different charm, he freshened everything so it wouldn't smell like sex and urine. Draco wrinkled his nose thinking about what they'd just done.

"You never told me you wanted me to pee on you," he said, leftover shock and embarrassment turning him grumpy despite the excellent blow-job.

"I thought you might find the idea unpleasant," Harry replied. "You're a bit…" He appeared to be searching for a word.

"Snobbish?" Draco supplied, glaring at him. "Is that what you were going to say?"

"I was thinking 'cultured'. Anyway, I never thought you'd do it for me."

"I probably wouldn't have on purpose," Draco agreed. He frowned. "So…you've done this before?"

Harry raised one shoulder casually. "A couple times, yeah. You're forgetting I've not been married for nearly six years, Draco. I wasn't sitting around on my arse waiting for you to notice me, you know."

"I know. Sorry." Draco sealed his apology with a light kiss. "That was different," he remarked.

"Different bad?"

"No, not really. But I'm not sure if I want to do it again. Maybe, if it's not an accident." He felt his neck heat up. "And maybe if it's in the shower where you can…reciprocate." The thought made warmth travel downward.

Now it was Harry's turn to flush. "It's up to you," he said. He leaned up and kissed Draco again, and they were lost for a few minutes in each other.

So lost that they missed the door opening. At the sound of throat-clearing, they sprang apart. Harry's eyes went wide when he saw his cousin standing there, his face reddening.

"Sorry!" Dudley exclaimed. "I came to see where you'd got to."

"Erm." Harry looked everywhere but at Dudley.

Huffing a little at the inarticulate man next to him, Draco said, "We were just on our way out." He brushed past Dudley and hovered in the doorway, waiting for Harry.

"Erm," Harry repeated. "You'll not say anything, right?"

"No," Dudley replied. "Who would I tell? I don't spend time around your lot."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Right. But your daughter does, and I'd rather not be a topic of conversation amongst her friends."

"Fine. I won't say a word." He turned towards the door. "Always knew you were a—"

"Don't even say it, Duddykins," Harry muttered. They glared at each other for a moment, then both of them relaxed and followed Draco out of the toilets.

"Merlin's spotted dick," came a voice from one of the cubicles once they were gone.

"I know! What was that all about?"

"Dunno." There was a pause. "Dad's into some really kinky shite, apparently."

"Apparently. I did not need to hear it, though. Are they seeing each other, then?"

"I guess. Or just getting out their frustrations, more likely. It's not the first time, anyway."

"I know."

"Wait, you do? How?"

"You do not want me to answer that. I'm guessing you're not going to tell me how you found out, either."

"I'll tell if you do."

"Mollie's wedding, in the loo."

"I win. I caught them at my own wedding."

"Fucking hell."

"Right. Just about literally."

"I still win, though."

"How's that?"

Pause. "Lorcan and I…sort of…might have been shagging in the next cubicle."

"Oh. my. god. Fine—you win."

Silence.

"James?"

"Yeah, Al?"

"Fuck my life."