In her office Cuddy was re-reading the data that she was going to present in her report in Seattle.
The work trip had been organized. Trisha, Cuddy's assistant had bought plane tickets for both Cuddy and House and had confirmed their room reservations in the luxury hotel that will have been also the Avery Convention location.
They will have left in less than a week and she couldn't hide the fact that the almost six hours flight sitting near House and the following three days in Seattle worried her a little. Many questions turned around in her mind. How will he behave? Will he fake a friendly relationship between colleagues? Will he isolate avoiding to meet me? Or will we find a way to have back a little of our confidence managing to stay together, talk and even solve our unsolved problems?
For now her priority was to finish her report for the congress and... to be sure that House did his report too. She was a perfectionist and she wouldn't be quiet until everything was perfectly ready. Actually, according to her standard, her presentation should have already been over, but in recent days she hadn't felt too good and she could hardly concentrate. Even when she was alone in her office and there was apparently nothing bothering her, she was rather constantly bothered by a vague sense of nausea and dizziness. In the last days she had often had those episodes of hypotension too. She was familiar with them since her youth but now they bothered her anyway even if luckily they hadn't interfered too much with her work. She was very tired but had continued to walk up and down hospital hallways on her high heels since morning to evening every day.
So she had warned Trisha that she didn't want to be disturbed.
She had been working on her report all the afternoon and finally her presentation could be considered ready.
"I'll add some details later" she thought but she could still be satisfied.
She ran a hand over her forehead and neck. She was very tired after having been focused on her computer for so many hours. She checked her wristwatch and turned off her computer. But before going home she had to do what she had thought to do all the day... to check that also House's report was ready. She wasn't in the mood to supervise him, but she was his boss and at Avery Convention she was going to represent her hospital so she couldn't risk something going wrong or worse he embarrassing her Hospital.
She sighed leaving her office and headed toward the elevator. She really was having a hard time finding the right words with him since his return to Plainsboro. She didn't want to be nagging but even disinterested, she didn't want to say anything that could hurt him but even seem fragile at his eyes. When they were together she always weighed her words, gestures and body movements.
It was past 5 p.m. and he was still in his office.
She watched him for a moment through the glass door before entering. She loved that blue T-shirt. It brought out his eyes and it highlighted his arms and chest muscles especially now that they were more toned from his regular physical activity. "Why has he to be so much handsome?" she thought not being able to turn away that strong desire for a physical contact with him. That desire was there every time she was in his presence. She had held off that feeling for more than eighteen years, but after having experienced that contact again, after having stroked his skin and breathed in his scent, that feeling grew stronger each time she was close to him. She was still in love with him and even if she wanted to control that feeling with her most rational side, she certainly couldn't control her irrational one.
She entered House's office and he immediately became aware of her silent presence. That invisible bond between them continued to surprise him.
He watched her entering trying not to let his eyes showing how much beautiful he thought she was.
Her purple silk low-cut shirt highlighted her cleavage and her black sheath skirt perfectly outlined her gorgeous hips and emphasized her well toned legs. He kept wondering how she could walk all day with those high heels, but he couldn't deny that they contributed to make her even sexier. He felt the strong desire to stand up and push her against his desk kissing her passionately. He immediately tried to turn away that image.
"Hi ... I'm glad you're still here" she smiled taking a few steps toward his desk.
"Shouldn't you be home at this time?" House asked. His tone wasn't rude, it was quite the tone of someone who cares for another person.
"Uhm ... yes, I should...but Rachel is at my mother's tonight so it's not a problem ..." she was affected by his interest. "I was just wondering... is your report ready for the next week congress?" She added trying to keep her tone calm and trying not to look anxious.
"Everything's ready, mistress. I know how much you care to make a good impression. I'll email you a copy so you'll give it a look"
"Thanks" she replied surprised by the kindness of his answer "but ... I just wanted to know if everything is ok... I didn't mean to interfere ... in your work ..."
"No problem ... you're the boss ... I would have let Wilson to read it as usual, but tonight is already gone ... if you want to give me your opinion it doesn't bother me " he stared at her with his piercing blue eyes studying her look.
He knew very well that his new attitude impressed her. She had known him in the worst period of his life and incredibly she had even fallen in love with him, despite then the epilogue had not been happy. He was aware of not being a perfect man, or rather to be flawed even before his leg infarction, but for sure, now that he no longer felt pain and could stay away from drugs, his character and his attitude towards people had softened. And the strange thing was that he wasn't faking it, he didn't have to strive to be this new House.
"By then...thanks" she added pausing for a moment pondering whether to say what was in her mind right now.
She stare at him with a hint of a smile "And ... I'm really happy that your leg is getting better House ... really."
"I am happy, too" he replied, not scoffing her but with a sincere smile. "I never thought I could have run again" he added. "Like the saying goes every cloud has a silver lining"
She didn't reply and looked down not knowing what else to say.
"It's weird... the most important events of my life, both the better and the worst, are tied to this leg ..." he said. "... Stacy... Hanna ... you... and now this..." his words were calm, resigned, without anger, just a statement of facts."
She looked at him unable to say anything.
Hearing those names listed one by one, she re-experienced all those moments. House's leg infarct... the moment in which Stacy took that decision against House will, House's reaction after the surgery and the pain he suffered ... that accident in Trenton ... Hanna and the words that he told her to convince her to let him cutting her leg away ... Lucas's look when she had dumped him the night after their engagement... House's look when she went to him after Hanna's death ... their first night in his apartment making love and all the moments they had spent together after that night until the night in which she had dumped him ...
Her head began to spin faster and faster and a strong sense of nausea locked suddenly her stomach. She put a hand over her face and closed her eyes, trying to breathe deeply. House looked at her pale face and saw her suddenly reaching out at his desk to try to stay on her feet.
"Cuddy, what's wrong...?" he stood up as foreseeing the scene that was going on in front of him and approached her taking her arm.
"You need to sit down ..." he said in a firm voice that betrayed his concern.
She opened her eyes for a moment and her blue-gray eyes met House's clear blue.
She tried to lean on him, but before she could move, she felt overwhelmed by another stronger wave of dizziness. She heard him calling her name again "Cuddy!" but her vision completely blurred and everything went dark while she lost consciousness.
House held her to keep her from falling to the ground and picked her up in his arms. His heart was hammering in his chest while he laid her down on his chaise-long. He checked her pulse that was present but incredibly weak and fast. Then he settled a pillow under her legs to allow blood to return more quickly to the brain. He sat down near her continuing to observe her and gently shaking her to make her open her eyes. Those few moments in which she remained unconscious seemed an eternity to him. Her face was very pale and her forehead was slightly sweaty because of the too low pressure. 80/40 mmHg the sphygmomanometer that House had put on her arm said.
"C'mon Cuddy ..." he kept saying "open your eyes". "Cuddy... can you hear me? Lisa...? It's all right, I'm here."
She could hear his voice ... she loved to hear him calling her name... her first name... Lisa... Finally, after a few minutes, keeping her eyes closed, she could say... "I'm fine... " Her voice was just a whisper. She felt so weak that she could barely pronounce a few words.
"Sorry if I don't trust very much in your awful medical opinion" House said smiling at her and teasing her "but you really didn't seem fine to me" he even jokingly added. He was trying to make her smile. And he succeeded. On her lips appeared the hint of a smile and she tried to open her eyes to meet his.
His eyes were dark and worried.
"I'm fine..." she whispered again but this time looking into his eyes "but this nausea is still killing me..."
"Ok" he said "stay here, I'll be back."
He walked away and returned a few moments later with a glass in his hand. He sat down near her.
"Can you sit?"
He removed the pillow from under her legs and put it behind her back helping her with caution to sit. She closed her eyes again exhaling deeply. House suddenly stopped.
"Are you ok?" he asked.
His voice was so sweet and caring that she seemed to be in front of another person.
"Yes" she whispered "I'm ok..."
"Fine" she said "have a sip of this. It's Ginger Ale, it will alleviate a bit your nausea and will increase a little your blood sugar."
"Thank you ..." she said slowly sipping her drink. It was really weird to be in that situation and watching him who so lovingly was taking care of her.
"Is it the first time or did it already happen?" he asked looking into her eyes.
"Uhm ... actually... yes... it already happened... last week, at home," she thought for a moment "... and I've been having nausea and dizziness for some days...especially in the morning and at evening... but I haven't given it particular care... it's the first time I pass out ..."
He stared at her for a moment, she knew that he was studying her symptoms, he was diagnosing her.
"You could be ... pregnant?" he asked feeling a little uncomfortable.
She shook her head and let out a small laugh.
"No...no, no, no...I'm sure about that"
He continued to stare thoughtfully at her without speaking.
"I... I certainly can't be pregnant..." Cuddy added looking down "I haven't sex since we ... well ... I haven't been having sex for more than two months ..."
They both felt a little uncomfortable. Their minds went back to their last night together. That was the last time they had made love but that night they didn't know that that would be the last.
"And you're Jewish ..." he shoot back smiling at her "so I think it's out of question that you can be ... a modern Our Lady Virgin Mary"
She smiled and shook her head. It took just a joke to break the tension, she thought.
"Actually she was Jewish too" she laughed "but yeah... it's totally out of question!"
"Fine" he said. He felt a sense of relief knowing that the woman he still was in love with had not had sex with any other man after him.
"I probably just need some rest." Cuddy added "It... it was a difficult time ... I didn't eat very much and ... I slept even less ...in the past two months"
"Ok" he answered "I'll take you home then"
She tried to convince him that there was no need to take her home, but House would not hear about that. He forced her to lie down at least half an hour until her cheeks resumed a slightly color.
"Can you stand up?" he asked looking at her less pale face.
She gave a nod with her head and with caution tried to get up. He unexpectedly took her by the arm holding her while she stood up, to be sure that she wasn't collapsing again. Cuddy stood on her feet and took a deep breath. She felt his hand still holding her arm and their bodies were close as they hadn't been in a long time.
They looked at each-other for a few moments, her eyes melt with his. She clearly felt her scent and he felt hers. She wanted to kiss him and he wanted to kiss her ...
"Are you okay?" he asked. "I am" she replied. ... And he left her arm, taking a couple of steps back.
"Fine" He walked over to his desk to pick up his backpack before looking at her again "Come on, I'll take you home."
They exited the main entrance of Plainsboro together, side by side.
"Let's take your car" he said making a gesture with his hand "hand me your keys"
She looked thoughtfully at him. "And how do you get home then?"
He put his hand near his mouth pretending an extremely thoughtful expression "Uhm ... Let's see... I'm sure enough that someone had invented a strange motor vehicle" he answered looking at her with a teasing look "it's called ... oh, yeah ... cab".
They both laughed, while she threw him her car keys. She loved his jokes and loved being able to have again some moments of intimacy with him.
It was a very silent car trip except for the music coming out from the radio. He kept his hands on the wheel and his eyes on the road, although occasionally he watched her with the corner of his eye. She looked out of the window with her hands resting in her lap. She felt uncomfortable again. Again she had to suppress the instinctive part of herself trying to listen only to the rational one. She ignored that House was thinking exactly the same thing.
They both had many memories of their previous car trips. They weren't teenagers and House had an injured leg so they had never made love in that car, however during their relationship it was impossible for them to keep their hands away from each other when they were alone. Usually he used to stroke her left knee and thigh with his right hand keeping his left hand on the wheel. And often he even stroke her inner thigh ... even pushing a little upper... and those foreplay ended always with them making love just after having closed the front door...
Cuddy took a deep breath and exhaled slowly closing her eyes, trying to fight the image forming in her mind. He noticed it, but said nothing. He could easily imagine what she was thinking. That picture was now in the mind of both of them.
He walked her to the front door, then hesitated a moment and entered behind her taking his cell from his pocket to call a cab.
She asked him to stay for dinner, but he politely refused.
"I think it's better for me to go home" had said "... you have to rest ..." he added.
She nodded, fighting the lump in her throat. He stayed only until the arrival of the cab. He behaved like a gentleman and said good night, like that night when she had lost Joy, but without the kiss.