A Hearts Abyss

Chapter 8 – December: Aurora Borealis Part 1 – Nico

A/N: I finally have the end in sight, enjoy.

~* Present – December *~

Nico woke to see Valens Aurelius sitting beside him in what was definitely a hospital room. Shit, I must have bonked at Camp Half Blood…. but I thought I made it back? And why the fuck isn't Will here?

He squinted at the healer and spat, "What the fuck do you want?"

Valens gave a mirthless chuckle, "What type of healer would I be if I let my best friend's boyfriend come to harm?" Then he smiled tightly as he folded his arms over his chest.

He glared back, "Where is he?"

"The usual place. The real question is where have you been?"

"The usual places. What's it to you?" He rub the sleep from his eyes and sat up.

"Well it is like this," he huffed, "It is noon on Wednesday and…"

"What?" I wrote my letter to Will on Monday night?

Valens barked, "Yes, you've been asleep 36 hours that I know about. What are you suicidal? How far did you shadow travel to land yourself here?"

Nico raised his chin and his nostrils flared. "I don't have to answer to you."

"Yes you do and I say you are on bed rest for the next two days."

"It will just take one of Will's sun baths and I'll be all better." The healer tensed and blinked. He stiffened and his mouth went dry, "You want me gone don't you?"

The healer shrugged, "I guess you just answered my question. You shadow traveled to Camp Half-blood and back."

He felt an unpleasant flip in his stomach like he just missed a step. His eyes darted around the room and he realized it was not like the infirmary rooms he knew. It had higher ceilings and a marble floor.

He grit his teeth, "Why are you here?"

Valens frowned and looked away clenching his jaw. He huffed before wilting into his seat, "Will sent me back for my own good." Then he glared at him and spat, "How could you be so unfeeling toward Will? He loves you and you just stomped on his heart."

"I'm not talking about Will with you. If he sent you away at least I know where he stands."

"You're insane to be jealous. I'm just a friend, at least I thought I was." He ended meekly.

"I'm not fucking jealous," Nico practically shouted. "But the way you were always with him and touching him. Now you're attacking me about him. What am I supposed to think?"

He paused, "I… just… Ugh…" His voice rose, "I can't get over Lauren, Alright! I'm lost and Will let me lean on him. Now he sent me away saying it was for my own good, but he was wrong. Without Lauren nothing will ever be good again!"

Nico blinked and looked down. A long pause later he began in small voice, "I felt that way when Bianca died. She was the only family I ever knew. I was ten."

Valens' look faltered. He slowly leaned back and gazed around the room. "Listen, we have been trying to wake you since yesterday morning, so I'm not letting you shadow travel again until I'm sure you are out of danger. Do you promise to stay put?"

Nico considered that he could easily shadow travel away if he could talk Valens into leaving the room, "Of course, can I go back to sleep now?" He made to snuggle down in the covers.

Valens put a hand on his chest and leaned over him, "You are staying here under observation until such time as you can shadow travel again. I just want your word you won't make trouble."

Nico tried to push him away, but he just grabbed both his wrists and held them. "I can have you tied down if I need to."

He glared as he tried to wiggle his hands loose, but sighed, "I'll bet Reyna and Hazel will help you?"

"You know it. So do you promise to stay here through Friday?"

He frowned still twisting his arms trying to escape, "I guess I have no choice."

Valens released his wrists, "Good, then I have something for you. It came on the morning we found you. Mrs. O'Leary was quite a shock to the Roman's at roll call. It is lucky Reyna and Frank recognized her." He opened the file on the night stand and took out an envelope.

Nico's eyes followed the envelope. He sat up as Valens dropped it on the bed. It was inscribed with Will's neat printing on the front.

Valens stood, "I'll give some privacy to read that." He rolled his chair around to face a small table against the wall and began typing on the laptop sitting there.

Nico's nerveless fingers rushed to rip open the letter and he devoured it, barely able to comprehend any words as he read them.

My Dark Angel,

I'm sitting at my desk in the middle of the night writing to you as I often do. It is sending it that is difficult. I really don't know how to take your lack of a reply letter. I said you didn't have to write, but I contend that if you were sincere, you would have written. I should not start with an accusation, but I long to know what happened. Are you still angry but allowing me one more chance? Or are you just curious how pathetic I can be? After so much time have you given up on me? Maybe it is too late, but, as hopeless as it feels, I find myself yearning to reach you.

On that last night you said you loved me, but in the same sentence you told me to leave. You said that you were committed and weren't going anywhere, but by the next morning you were gone. After those actions I find it hard to believe your words. I know what it is to be coerced into feigning more than you feel. Still I'll risk my heart on you because I have to believe 'us' is still a possibility. So pitiful or not I'm going to tell you all the things I should have before.

About Valens, I owe you more than a challenge to trust me. He always felt like a protective older brother, just like Lee. Lee took care of me and helped me recover from my mother's death. I blamed myself. I sensed it was more than just a back ache like she contended, but I let her convince me to wait. Then suddenly it was too late, she had a massive heart attack after having had the warnings for three days. Regardless of what she said, I should have pushed. If I did, maybe…

Anyway Lee was my support and I wanted to do the same for Valens. He lost his fiancée in the war and that was part of the reason he came here, to get away from the memories. I stayed near him and touched him often to keep him in contact with life. I know he is petrified to go on, but I hope that he will in time be able to live without her. Even if I wasn't in love with you and he wasn't straight, he is too much like me to ever be attractive to me. So while we are often together and touching, he is like a sibling. Now that I am disconsolate over our break-up we are destructive for each other. We wallowed in regret and sorrow together but that only seems to intensify those feelings. I sent him back to New Rome for Thanksgiving and Christmas so we both get some much needed distance.

I truly wish I could replay that last night together and change my responses. I regret my demands for celibacy. My irrational fear of sex was a feeble misguided attempt to shield my heart. Now I have an actual broken heart over my inability to open myself up to you. How incredibly fucked up is that? I wish I had given in and had those memories of us together.

I have thought long and hard about that darkness within you as well. I actually had felt it before the giant war. You were always injured whenever you allowed me to touch you, so always I equated it with your injuries. Now I concede that it is part of you and I'm regretful that I made you feel weak and a held you prisoner over it.

So you see, I take it all back. I was so wrong, domineering, obstinate, and selfish. I don't know if you even would consider a future with me after all this. Yet I hope you will contemplate coming back and I'll show you I've changed my ways. Even if you are not ready to come back please write, so I know if I even have a chance. Even a sentence would be enough to quell my despair that I have lost you forever or tell me that I need to man up and move on.

Still in love with you,

Will

It took him three times to actually decipher all the words with his dyslexia. That got him no closer to comprehending it, but regardless it was clear Will, his Will, still wanted him. That was all he needed to know before he went back to camp, but….Shit, he just promised to stay put.

He wanted to shadow traveling to Camp Half Blood right now. Yet he could not ignore what he had learned from Will. After two trips in a row, he could feel the darkness had grown inside him. As much as it irked him, Valens was right, he needed rest.

He called to Valens. He found out Mrs. O'Leary left yesterday, Fuck. An IM would be too short and email would have to go through Chiron. He had no other way to get in touch with Will. He had to wait it out. As much as he enjoyed seeing Hazel and Reyna it was going to be a long couple of days.

Nico planned his arrival at Camp Half Blood for just before curfew. After studying the letter he was confident Will would be glad to see him. As difficult as it to wait any longer, he had to sleep off the shadow travel. He could not risk looking fatigued in front of the healer.

In the morning he woke feeling alert. Maybe he was starting to get some of his shadow travel stamina back. He showered and dressed carefully as his stomach fluttered. Eventually he headed for a late breakfast. It was unlikely he would see any Apollo campers this late and just as unlikely that he could eat, but he still went. He supposed all that time following Will's three meals a day regime had left its mark or maybe he was stalling.

As he approached the pavilion a figure came running toward him from the other side of dining area. He stilled and stared as the figure of Will in his ridiculous bright blue puffy ski jacket barreled toward him shouting, "Hey! Nico! Wait!" and waving his arms. Nico gasped, stood still. Then he braced himself hunching his shoulders and leaning away.

Will slowed and bent his shoulders forward as be broke into a long legged stride. He led with his chin and furrowed brow. Fuck, I must have I miss read his letter. Nico looked instinctively side to side and backed up a step.

Will's slowed as he got closer looking him up and down, clenching his hands into fists. Nico hesitantly stood his ground leaning as far back as he could with his feet planted. Oh fuck! Only now that he appeared to be headed for a fight, did he realize he would let him hit him. He wasn't masochistic but he'd take this if only he could get back into Will's good graces.

He hunched to the side and squinted his eyes half closed. Time seemed to stop as his own personal nightmare played out. Will stopped at an arm's length away and raised his right fist in the feeblest attempt at upper cut he had ever seen. Then his face fell. He shook as he opened his hand to almost cup Nico's cheek. He shadowed his hand palm out over Nico's chest before finally pursing his lips, sighing and dropping his arm.

Nico scowled, What the Fuck? Will had always touched him. Always. Even before when Nico didn't want him to. Why won't he… Now, of all times, he was expecting a hit and instead… Shit he just doesn't want to touch me anymore.

Will cleared his throat, before he started talking while looking past him. "How long are you here for?"

Nico's head swirled as his stomach dropped, "Um, I came to take my eighth grade science and algebra tests."

"Oh, so not long," Will scanned him without looking into his eyes. Then he turned his face toward the infirmary, "Just so you know I have amended your medical record." Only then did he look into his eyes, "I gave you a clean bill of health and I won't bother you anymore," In that instant Nico saw his lips tremble and eyes blinking rapidly before he walked away without another word.

Double what the fuck? He is afraid of me? He ran his hands through his hair and tugged at his neck as he tried to make sense of it all. He continued on auto pilot as he ate a breakfast he didn't taste. Why wouldn't he touch me? Why after that letter saying how much he still wanted me? If he was still angry why did he look afraid? If he was done with us why even approach me? A creeping suspicion dawned… Maybe he regretted the letter. And just when I was ready to say….

He abruptly stood and started marching toward the infirmary. Even if it was over, he had to talk to him. He would not leave it like this. He would not let it end in bitter silence. He had to hear it out loud no matter how much it hurt.

He walked into the apparently deserted infirmary. He looked around the partially lit room to see the dispensary door open. He walked cautiously up to the doorway of that narrow room.

"Will, are you here?" he called from the doorway although he could see him facing away from the door stocking a shelf.

"Hu? Oh it is you," He barely glanced at him before resuming his work.

"Will, why so distant?"

He didn't pause in his work, "I'm not, I'm just am busy,"

"Um… yeah…." He hesitated in the hope that he would turn around, but he didn't. "I shouldn't have left."

"Oh" he said flatly.

"If you're angry maybe you should just take a punch at me?"

Will dropped the bandage he was holding and it rolled away on the shelf. He quickly moved it back into place, "No, I'm not angry."

"I'm not angry anymore either, but I'd understand if you are." he paused stepping closer to Will.

Will kept himself facing away as he reached down for another box of bandages. As he placed the larger bandages further along the shelf Nico noticed a shake in his hand.

"Will, would you turn around?" He huffed with more venom then he intended.

Will's shoulders slumped as he ever so slowly set the box in his hand down. Nico took that time to smooth his face. The healer turned flinching like a scolded puppy and blinking.

Nico sighed, "I don't want to fight with you. I… I just want to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push you or doubt you."

Only then did Will actually look at him full in the face. "Yeah, I'm sorry, too." His eyes got hard and he said, "When did things go so wrong?" He pursed his lips and shook his head, "Never mind. Don't answer that."

Now that Will was looking at him Nico's nerves spun up. He looked down taking a deep breath. I can't do it now. He's hardly able to stand looking at me. "I want to talk with you sometime when you aren't so busy. Can you make some time for me?"

Will blinked and swallowed, "Alright. When are your tests?"

"Not sure, I haven't talked to Chiron yet."

"He usually lets you pick the time that works for you." His face tightened, "Let's get this over with. How about after lunch under the maple by the lake."

"Y-yeah, s-sure… I'll let you get back to work." He turned away as his turning stomach lightened. He chose the tree where they had their first date. That has to be a good sign. Will's eyes followed him as he walked away.

A/N: So Will and Nico finally have some face time, but it was just not what Nico would have expected. What do you think is up with Will?

Thanks for reading,

Anne