Chameleon Changes Chapter 10

Complexities and Confessions

"What do you mean, not exactly?" Remus asked. His heart was beating too fast, his breathing too quick. What could Brad have done? Who could Brad have done anything with? And… "Why didn't you say this before?" he asked, his voice just a little higher than usual.

He realised their bodies were still pressed rather close together and he pulled away. A hurt expression briefly crossed Brad's face, but was quickly masked. "I was ashamed," Brad said quietly. "I didn't want to tell you."

"Well maybe you should have," Remus snapped.

Brad swallowed. "I'm sorry," he said. "But I'm telling you now."

"It's a bit bloody late, don't you think?" Remus said bitterly. His feeling of post-orgasmic bliss had completely disappeared now, to be replaced by a keen sense of betrayal.

"I'm sorry," Brad said again. "Will you at least let me explain?"

"Not here," Remus said. "And not now." The walls were pressing in on him and he wanted nothing more than to take a shower. The dampness of his pants was beginning to feel distinctly uncomfortable.

"Then when?" asked Brad.

"This afternoon," Remus said decidedly. "Meet me at three, under the Quidditch stands." That gave him a few hours.

Brad nodded. He seemed relieved for the opportunity. "I'm sorry," he said for the third time.

"So I've heard." Remus's voice was hard.

"Stop laughing!" James exclaimed. Peter and Sirius, who was rolling around on the floor by this point, both ignored him. "It's not funny!"

"You look… like a bush!" Sirius panted out, before dissolving into giggles once more.

James shook his head and, sure enough, a couple of loose leaves floated to the floor. "I know," he said impatiently. "I've got bloody branches growing out of my head, haven't I?"

"Lily never fails to amaze me," Peter said, finally getting his laughter under control. "Where do you think she gets all these spells from?"

James glowered at him. "The library, probably," he said bad-temperedly. "That's not the point! How do I reverse the spell? This bush is really heavy. And it itches!" Sirius, who'd just paused for breath, burst out laughing once more. James shot him an annoyed look. "Stop laughing, Padfoot!"

"I can't!" Sirius wheezed.

James turned to Peter, as Sirius had made it clear that he'd be of absolutely no use. "How do I fix this?" he demanded.

"Have you tried finite incantatem?" Peter suggested in a slightly helpless tone.

"Yes," James said miserably. "It didn't work."

Peter's mouth twitched, but his sombre expression held. "Hospital wing?" he asked.

"I'll take myself," James said miserably.

"I'll come," Peter chirped.

"So will I," Sirius said from where he was lying, panting, on the floor.

"No you won't," James snapped. "You can go back to the dormitory. I'm not taking you along just so that you can laugh at me."

"Fine," Sirius pouted. "I didn't want to go anyway." His pout failed as he took one look at James at cracked up again.

Indignant, James-the-bush stalked off with Peter trailing behind him.

The hot water was almost soothing as it cascaded down his body and Remus closed his eyes as he let it stream over his face. He wished he'd never have to leave the shower; he could just stand her under the warm water forever and never see another person again. Especially not Brad. He could grow gills and fins, and shrink himself to the size where he could swim away down the drain.

But reality wasn't so pleasant. So instead of becoming an aquatic creature, he grabbed a cloth and started to wash himself.

How could Brad do this? Remus wondered to himself as he ran the rough cloth over his skin. It wasn't even the fact that Brad had had a boyfriend before; Remus had suspected as much. It would be unusual to be taken by surprise by that fact, seeing as the thing that had brought Brad to his attention had been Pete saying that Brad had been seen shagging another boy behind the greenhouses.

The problem was that Brad hadn't told him. Or, at least, he hadn't told him until now. Right after they'd done… whatever they'd done. Remus wasn't sure what to call it; it hadn't been sex exactly, but it had certainly been sexual in nature. Regardless of its name, though, it had meant something, and now Remus felt used.

That was really the main reason why Remus was willing to let Brad explain it to him; curiosity compelled him. Although, deep down, a part of Remus was hoping for an innocent explanation, or a misunderstanding, but he wasn't expecting one.

Remus realised that while he'd been deeply pondering the intricacies of his relationship and emotional state, his thoughts hadn't done his shower much good. Remus had spent the last few minutes washing the same part of his arm. With chagrin, he realised that the scrubbing had made the surface skin an angry red.

Remus looked at his arm more closely and faltered. Yes, it was red from the scrubbing and the heat of the shower. But also easily visible was the recent, inflamed scar that he'd got on the last full moon. Underneath the recent cut were several layers of older, more healed, but no-less-violent marks. Remus glanced down at the rest of his body, and noticed once more the evidence of his life on his marred skin.

It was all laid out there; as easy to read as writing on parchment. Those scars said what he was, and Remus was vividly reminded of what he was hiding from Brad – and his secret was much worse than a simple sexual encounter with an ex-boyfriend.

Disgusted by the sight of his body, Remus turned off the shower and grabbed his towel, wrapping it around his waist. In his hurry to get under the steamy water, he'd forgotten his clothes; it didn't matter. He grabbed his dirty clothes and sauntered out into the dormitory.

To his surprise, Sirius was walking through the door just as Remus exited the bathroom. "Oh, Moony, you're here," Sirius said. For some reason, he seemed unable to wipe a broad grin off his face.

"Yeah, but only for a moment," Remus said. "I've got something to do soon."

"Why'd you have a shower in the middle of the day?" Sirius asked as Remus ducked behind the curtain.

"Because I felt like it," Remus called back.

"Lily's hexed James again," Sirius told him, his voice muffled because of the fabric. "He's in the hospital wing."

"I thought he was making real progress this time," Remus said. "How long had it been since she last cursed him?"

"Dunno," Sirius said, and Remus could hear the grin in his voice. "A while."

"Leopards never change their spots," Remus said, pulling a shirt over his head. Before he emerged from behind the curtain, he made sure to kick his soiled pants under his bed. It wouldn't do for Sirius to see them and guess what he'd been doing with Brad. That encounter would be awkward at the best of times, and Remus still hadn't forgotten their last argument. "Where's Pete then?"

"Gone with him," Sirius shrugged. "Where are you off to in such a hurry, anyway?"

Remus sat on the bed to pull his socks on. "I'm not hurrying." He looked at his watch; he still had about half an hour. "I'm just… getting ready. I arranged to meet up with Brad."

Sirius's mouth hardened almost unperceptively. Remus saw it, but he thought that maybe he'd have missed it if he hadn't been expecting it. "I thought you were just with him?" Sirius asked.

"No," Remus lied. "I was studying."

"Study's dull," Sirius said, flopping beside Remus and kicking his shoe off.

Remus yelped as the weight bounced the bed and unbalanced him, almost making him fall over sideways as he wrestled his sock on. "Sirius," Remus said. "Be careful."

"What was that?" Sirius asked innocently as he bounced the bed some more. Remus was prepared this time and managed to stay well-positioned on the mattress.

"I said no bouncing," Remus said, standing up so he couldn't be toppled over, but even as the words left his mouth he couldn't hold back a smile. "Get off my bed."

"Make me," Sirius grinned infuriatingly, clutching at the sheets.

Sighing, Remus brushed the hair from his eyes. "It's hard to tell that you're seventeen, Padfoot," he said. "You're so immature." He put his hands on his hips and surveyed his friend with a smile.

Sirius grinned insolently up at him, but his grin turned to a yelp of surprise as, without warning, Remus grabbed at his foot and attempted to pull him off the bed with a mighty tug. He partially succeeded. Flailing, Sirius wriggled out of his grasp and launched himself back towards the bed, desperately grasping the edge of the bed as though his life was in peril.

"You'll never make me budge!" Sirius cried over his shoulder as Remus pulled at his foot. The unfortunate werewolf came away with nothing but a three-day-old sock to show for his efforts.

Remus crawled onto the bed beside Sirius and tried to loosen his grasp on the mattress, laughing as he did so. He couldn't remember the last time they'd enjoyed a playful scuffle like this; when they'd been younger, there'd barely been a week where Sirius hadn't been found darting around the dormitory, in hot pursuit by whoever he'd just annoyed. Remus hadn't thought that he'd missed those moments but, as he prodded Sirius in the side and watched the other boy convulse with laughter, he realised that he actually did.

Sirius took advantage of his distraction – and the fact that he was in an awkward position – and made the decision that attack was better than defence. He dived at Remus and, before the werewolf could blink, he was pinned under Sirius's greater weight as the almost-animagus sat on him while holding down his wrists.

Remus squirmed briefly before realising he was well and truly stuck. "Get off, you great lump," he grumbled, trying in vain to free his wrists.

"Nope," Sirius chirped.

Resignedly, Remus stopped fighting and glared playfully up at his friend. "I can lie here all day," he challenged Sirius.

"And I can sit on you all week," Sirius countered. "How ya gonna get out of this one?"

Remus took the challenge and bucked his body; Sirius grunted as he was almost dislodged, but held on. He leaned closer so more of his weight was bearing down upon the werewolf. "You'll have to try harder than that, Moony," he breathed.

Something was wrong, Remus realised. Sirius's voice was too quiet, and too different. Suddenly Sirius's grip went slack, and Remus really should be taking the opportunity to escape. But he wasn't. He was paralysed.

Slowly, hesitantly, Sirius leaned closer. And closer. And closer. Their faces were almost touching. Remus could throw him off now; both their bodies had grown limp. But there was something about the intimacy of the moment, something about the way he could feel Sirius's breath on his eyelashes that forbade such a movement.

And then Sirius's lips were on his. It was barely a kiss at all; just a small amount of gentle pressure and then it was gone. But it was enough to break the spell.

"What the hell?" Remus yelled, launching himself up off the bed – and Sirius off of him. "What the fuck was that, Sirius?"

"A… a kiss," Sirius stuttered. He seemed shocked, although whether it was by Remus's reaction or the kiss itself Remus couldn't be sure.

"You're straight! And I have a boyfriend, if you remember!"

"Yeah, it's hard to forget with the way you go on about him all the time," Sirius snapped, ignoring the first statement. "It's always 'Brad this' and 'Brad that'. You make it impossible to forget you're taken."

"Perhaps you should have paid more attention to that, then," Remus yelled. "Before you go kissing me!"

"I didn't mean to!" Sirius shouted back. "It just happened."

Remus didn't have a response to that. He just whirled around angrily and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

By the time he reached the Quidditch stands at the appointed time, he'd managed to walk the surprise, anger and confusion off. He hadn't, however, managed to forget it, and it was still fresh on his mind as he approached Brad, who was already sitting in the cool shade of the seating. "Hey," he said, fighting to be casual. It was difficult; all he could think about was the press of Sirius's chapped lips on his own.

"I thought you might not come," Brad said.

"I said I would," Remus said, fighting to keep his mind on what was happening there and then.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Brad," Remus interrupted. "It's okay. I wanted to say that I'm sorry about how I reacted before. I was just… surprised. I should have taken it better."

"No," Brad sighed. "You had every right. I should have… I should have told you."

"I think I sort of knew," Remus admitted. "My friend said that you'd been caught shagging someone, and I deliberately didn't think about or bring it up."

Brad looked confused. "Who said that?" he asked.

"Pete did," Remus said.

"I've never shagged anyone at Hogwarts," Brad said. "I swear."

"He said… a seventh year… behind the greenhouses…"

"Remus, I've never slept with another student," Brad said. "I did kiss McCrawly after Herbology one day because he asked me to kiss him as an experiment, and someone saw, but I swear that's it."

It seemed reasonable; McCrawly was a seventh year in Slytherin. "Then who'd you sleep with?" Remus asked.

"I didn't really… sleep with him," Brad said hesitantly. "Not in that sense. It was over the summer holidays, and I'd just come out to my friend, Cathryn, during the last term. I didn't know anyone else who was gay and I'd never read about it or anything – I mean, I have now, but it was really a big thing when I first came out. Anyway, she was muggle born, and she had a muggle friend who was a lesbian and was going to this meeting thing for other gay people. I don't really know much about it… I just tagged along because they said I should. And I met this boy."

Remus fought down the waves of jealousy that swept over him. The only consolation what that Brad didn't look very thrilled about having met this boy; he was frowning and looking at the ground.

"He seemed quite nice," Brad continued. "I think he must have been a few years older than me. He had a muggle car, anyway, although I don't know how old you need to be to drive those things. We got talking and afterwards he asked if I wanted to go with him for a drink. I told him I wasn't old enough but he said it wasn't a problem. So we drove to his flat – he said his flatmates were out – and we started drinking."

Remus was beginning to feel apprehensive about whether this story was going to have a happy ending.

"I can't remember how much we had. It was the first time I'd drunken anything alcoholic – magic or muggle – but I think I must have had a lot because my memories are a bit fuzzy. I do remember him getting very close, and I liked that bit. But then we started kissing, and he wanted to go… further… and I wasn't sure about that. I said so, but he said that it was alright and it would feel good."

"Merlin," Remus breathed, seeing where this was going now. "He didn't…?"

"We didn't actually have sex," Brad said quickly. "I think I might have… you know, with my mouth and stuff… but I didn't really want to, and I didn't like it."

Remus reached out and grasped his hand. "You should have told me," he said. "Brad, that's rape."

"It wasn't really," Brad said. "I didn't really want to, but he didn't exactly force me. He was just… a bit rough. And a bit forceful."

"Just because he didn't have to hold you down to do it doesn't mean it was okay," Remus said darkly.

Brad shrugged. "It's done now, anyway. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I didn't want you to judge me, and I suppose I didn't really want to admit that it counted. It wasn't very enjoyable… not like it was with you."

Remus felt himself blush slightly at that. "You should have told me," he repeated. "Then I wouldn't have gotten mad like I did." He truly regretted his rash actions now.

"It's fine," Brad said with a small smile. He leant in for a kiss.

Remus obliged, but even as their lips met he couldn't help remembering that not half an hour ago, it had been Sirius's lips on his own.

He returned to the common room later that afternoon as the sun was beginning to sink over the grounds. The common room was as noisy as always, and Remus's eyes darted to the Marauder's usual corner. Sure enough, Sirius was sitting there with Pete, playing a game of exploding snap. There was no way that Sirius could have heard the noise of the portrait hole shutting but, as it clicked closed behind him, Sirius's eyes rose to meet Remus's.

The werewolf held his gaze for a moment before looking away and heading straight up to the dorms. To his relief, James wasn't there either and it was completely empty. He wished he had homework to do, or something else to take his mind off of Sirius.

He had the distinct feeling that they should probably talk about what had happened, but the issue was that Remus didn't really want to. Not only did he not know what to say about it, but it was an awkward conversation that, knowing Sirius, would not end well.

The kiss had taken Remus totally by surprise, and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Had Sirius just been experimenting? Was he gay, bisexual, or just fooling around? Had it meant anything, or had Remus just been there? Maybe, a snide voice in the back of Remus's mind whispered, he'd wanted to get between Remus and Brad. The other boy hadn't made it a secret that he disliked the Ravenclaw.

Remus wanted to reject that thought out of hand. Trifling with his emotions like that would be little short of cruel. Sirius wouldn't do that…would he? Through Remus's mind flashed numerous demonstrations of his and James's irrational hatred towards Snape, but Remus put that aside. That was different, he told himself.

His thoughts were interrupted by the echoing noise of footsteps on the stairs. Without needing to think about it, Remus knew exactly who it would be. Quickly he threw himself into the bathroom and locked the door, before turning the shower onto full. Not for the first time he was glad that technology in the magical world wasn't as adept as it was in the muggle one; before he'd come to Hogwarts, Remus had never heard such a racket coming from outdated plumbing. In his first year, he'd feared the straining pipes would burst if he'd showered too long.

He put his ear to the door and, over the sound of the water, he could just make out the familiar squeak of the door to their dorm open. He couldn't hear the footsteps, but he assumed Sirius had walked in.

"Remus?" Sirius called out. Remus leaned his head against the wood of the door and shut his eyes. He didn't reply.

After a few moments, he heard the hinges creak again and the unmistakable sound of a door shutting. He hoped it meant that Sirius had left.

The bathroom started to steam up as the quickly-heating water hit the cool stone floor. Ignoring the still-running water, Remus turned his back to the door and slid down it, burying his head in his hands.

Stupid body-swapping, he thought. Stupid, stupid body-swapping.

How had such a simple mistake in the incantation suddenly made his life so complicated?

A/N: I couldn't help noticing I'm almost at 100 reviews, and I just wanted to thank everyone for the amazing support for this story, even though it's 10 chapters in and Remus and Sirius still aren't together (as you guys keep informing me). I also wanted to add that, as I'll probably reach the hundredth review very soon, as a way of celebrating and thanking you guys for getting so far... I want to write a oneshot for everyone who reviews this chapter between now and when I post chapter eleven!

This could potentially end really badly for me if I get heaps of reviews (which is a good thing, really!), and I warn you I may take aaaages to write them (as people I've written stories for before can testify). So either leave a note at the end of the review saying what pairing you want and anything you want included in it, or review and then send me a PM.

Thanks to everyone who's read this so far, and a special thank you to my beta xNomii. You're awesome and your story is at 4000 words. I swear I'll finish it soon!