Author's note: Sorry about not updating last week. I and gone home for the weekend and did not get a chance to upload. Also for the next update next week, I may either do it on Sunday or Thursday night as it is homecoming and I know my roommate is dragging me along to be more social (though she does think that me writing stories is cool.) Anyway, I only own Cassandra and I realized that Jess is also mine! However everyone else pretty much isn't. Reviews are always good and make me help to read one. Flames will be used to destroy the ugly kitchen table in my dorm.

To Bekaster: I hope this chapter has cleared some things up for you and thanks about to decode thing, Cassandra did mean that, sorry it's my bad spelling. I hope to find a beta soon, if not I will find someone to read over it for mistakes. If there is anything else you notice let me know!

"Is there anyone so wise as to learn by the experience of others?"

Voltaire

Chapter 10

"I don't see why I can't go with you." I said sitting in Holmes' chair watching as he pulled his coat on.

"Because it is a trifle matter." He answered. "The Duchess St Clair wants me to find her missing pearl."

"Which we both know she misplaced...again."

Holmes sighed. "Yes, well nonetheless, she is an old client. I have done things for her since you were only two years old. It would not sit well if I refuse her now."

"What is the reason I am not permitted to join you?" I asked.

"You my dear girl, have the tendency to find trouble when you are bored. As this is a very simple problem you shall find trouble quite easy. There is no reason to upset the duchess."

"I do not find trouble."

He turned and looked at me. "The last time I took you with me was with the Becker family. I believe you told Mister Becker that his wife was having nightly strolls with the gardner. Then you told Mrs. Becker her husband was scolding the kitchen maid too much."

"It was hardly my fault both had their affairs. They were very forward with it!" I exclaimed.

"And there was a reason you had to tell them over dinner with members of parliament?" Holmes questioned.

"I admit that my timing was off. I did not mean for it to bust out like that. I do not understand why I cannot join you."

"You are bored, child. Otherwise you would not want to join me. You know how simple this matter is. It will be far better for everyone if you stayed here with Watson."

"I hate being left behind like this, Holmes."

Holmes walked over to me and laid his hand on my shoulder. "I know you hate being left behind. You always have. However, you also know my reasons for this decision."

"It does not mean that I shall like it. How long will you be gone?"

"A few days. It is a two day journey. I know Lestrade said something about needing assistance with some small cases. If you are not doing anything else I am certain your help is sufficient."

"I will behave for Watson while you are gone." I said.

He smiled. "I will make this up to you when I return. I promise, Cass."

I watched him go, before I sighed and leaned back in the chair. I felt as though I was a little girl again with Holmes leaving on some adventure without me. I knew that the Duchess was a simple problem, but I still did not like being left behind.

A few days later I was working at my desk with Jess beside me. She came for a visit, but once she saw that I had work she decided to stay. She had seated herself on the edge of the desk and swung her legs back and forth from time to time.

"You have been working too hard." She announced after a while.

Looking up from the files of a series of break-ins Lestrade had sent, I met her eyes. "What are you talking about?'

"This is the third case you have worked in a row in three days." Jess said. "You are working too much."

"I like my work."

"Never said you didn't."

"I like having something to do, you know that." I said looking back at the notes. "I hate being idle."

"Well, I like spending time with my friend. I also don't like it when she works so much without a break." Jess said in a very stubborn tone.

Knowing that Jess would not take a simple dismissal, I sighed and placed the papers down. "What are you talking about? I spend time with you and I take small breaks."

"You spend time with me when you are wither waiting for something to happen on a case or when Holmes is unbearable."

"I do no such thing." I argued.

Jess shook her head. You do. You need a night off. Sam and I are going to the pub tonight."

"I am in the middle of a case, Jess." I reminded her.

"Ye haven't even started it that much."

"Lestrade needs an answer by the morning. It is the least I can do after the way I embarrassed him the last time we worked together."

Jess sighed. "Why do you always do that to him?"

"It's not my fault! He saw the evidence, but could not make the connection with the dockhand. Someone needed to tell him. I had to do it as Holmes is not here. He told me to do any work that comes this way for."

"With all of the other officers on the case right there? Sam told me what happened. They still make remarks on how you have him stringed to your apron."

I frowned. "Looks like he is not the only one insulted. Apron indeed. Think I should make my attire more into that standard. It would only make things worse for them."

"And harder on Lestrade." Jess added. "I do not think Holmes meant for you to even give comments as he would. We do not need two of you."

"I am not that bad. Now, I have work that needs to get done."

"Cassie, one night. Just one night. I am sure Lestrade will understand this once."

"The answer is no." I said standing and walking to the bookshelf for the index I knew Holmes had to look up the names of the persons whom were robbed. When I turned back to Jess she was holding the files. "Jess!"

"Can't work without them now can you?" She asked.

I walked over and tried to take them back, but she leapt from the table and to the door. Jess had always been the faster one of the Irregulars when we were young. I doubt that has changed. "I do not have time for this."

"Ye ain't getting them back til you spend time with your friends." Jess said slipping back into her native accent.

"Give those files back to me! They are the only copy. Lestrade entrusted them to me!" I exclaimed.

She held them behind her. "No. I will be keeping them until ye meet your end of the deal."

"Of all of the childish things-

Jess simply smiled and folded the notes into her pocket. "Eight o'clock at the Red Lion, Cassandra."

"Lestrade will be furious." I said.

"Bring him along then. It can be amends for what happened last time. Besides you've been spending a lot of time with him."

"I'm only working for him until Holmes returns."

Jess folded her arms over her chest. "When will he be coming back?"

"Not until the day after tomorrow." I answered. "The duchess insisted on throwing a dinner party due to his finding of her lost pearl."

"I better go. Albert is leaving tonight for a conference of sorts. Don't be late, Cassie."

"Those papers have better be there, Jessica Mary Lipton. I shall never forever you if they are not."

I was still in a huff when Watson returned from his walk. "I see Jess left. Did you finish your work already?"

"Hardly. Jess took the files with her. She believes that I am working too much and has decided that if she takes it away, I will have to join her and her brother on a tight out." I said folding my arms over my chest.

"You have been busy since Holmes left." He commented.

"He told me to take cases while he was away."

"I do not think that he expected there to be so many."

"The first was the hard one. The others were simple, I only met with the client and knew what happened. Don't tell me that you actually agree with Jess."

"As a matter of fact I do agree with her, Cassandra. You have not had a moment's rest since he left on his case. You need a break. I think a night with your friends is what you need."

"But, Lestrade is-

"He can wait. You will have a night off."

"Watson." I sighed.

"As your doctor-

I laughed. "All right, Watson. I will take the night off. You know I hate it when you remind me of that. I think you use it more against me than wont."

Needless to say that by eight o'clock I was waiting at a table at the pub. When they both walked inside I glared at Jess.

"Don't tell me, I am in the middle of you two." Sam said sitting down. "I need a good drink and would like to do it without either one of you trying to murder each other."

"Your sister did not tell you about how she got me to join in your drinking tonight?" I asked.

"I try not to know what she has done. Well, how did she do it?"

"She stole the files Lestrade gave me. I need to have an answer for him by morning and she took them." I said folding my arms.

Jess frowned. "You seem to have forgotten the fact that you have been working nonstop since 'olmes left."

"It was on his orders. Do you want to explain to him when he returns why I could not get anything done?"

"Enough the both of you." Sam said annoyed. "Jess after Cassandra has one drink give her back the files. Cassandra, when you have the papers you can leave if you would like."

"The yard has treated you well, I see." I told Sam as Jess ordered the drinks.

"Wish I could say the same for ye." He answered leaning back in his chair. "What is between you and Lestrade?"

"Why does everything think there is something wrong?"

"Ye treat him something awful. 'e's risking a lot by letting you work with him."

"Are we having this conversation now?" I asked.

Sam sighed. "No, we won't. We will talk later about it."

Two drinks later and we were in a better mood. Sam was telling us about some arrest that was made on a drunk and how he was singing until he passed out. Jess leaned back in her chair with a smile."I miss this." She admitted. "I miss spending time with each other like this."

"We should do this more often. Should we try once a week?" Sam asked.

"Better make it once a month." I said. "I will not be able to come every week."

"Jess here is right. You do work too much." Sam said lifting his glass to his lips.

I sighed and finished off my glass of beer. "That is what I do."

A few more drinks later and I had forgotten why I was angry with Jess in the first place. The rest of the evening was a blur. I do not remember much of anything. I remember that at one point Jess and I had leaned against each other for support as we giggled.

The next thing I knew, I was woken up by the bright sun. I pulled my blanket over my head and tried to block out most of the light.

"Of all of the foolish things, child." Mycroft's voice boomed above me. "This is by far the worst."

"Go away." I mumbled. A hand reached out and held my ear. "Ow!"

"Young lady, do not speak to me as if I am someone from the east end docks."

"Sorry, Mycroft."

He let go after a moment and I rubbed at the pinched ear. "Do you have any idea how worried the doctor was when you had not returned by midnight?"

"I don't remember a thing." I admitted. My head ached and my stomach was jumping about.

"How much did you have last night to drink?"

"I last remember having two and then finishing off the third."

"And you remember nothing else?" Mycroft asked.

"It is rather difficult to remember." I said.

"Then let me care to remind you. You and your friends were making fools of yourselves. My agent had tried to collect the three of you. Then you permitted to tell the whole pub about each of their wrong doings. The observations you made caused a fight to break out. Then the three of you joined in the said fight."

That would explain the cut on my cheek. I remember Watson stitching and calling him an evil man. No wonder I felt like I was beaten to a bloody pulp. "I am remembering bits and pieces."

"Five constables broke it up and arrested everyone. You are very fortunate your friend Lestrade was working late. He made sure the three of you each made it home safely." Mycroft finished.

"Any chance Holmes won't hear a word of this?"

"I highly doubt it. Members of the yard seemed amused when you and your friend Mrs. Lipton sang."

I sighed and buried my head in my hands. Both of us had the singing voice of a painful death of a cat. "If it is any consolation it will not happen again." I said weakly.

"See that it will not, if does you shall wish that Sherlock would have you write out Latin. You shall have tea with me every Sunday from now on. There you will have proper lessons on how to act like a lady. I do not care if you were already taught, it seems Sherlock has lacked in seeing that you act as such."

"It is not his fault." I squirmed under his graze. "You know how embarrassed he becomes over such matters."

"He believes that you are capable of handing yourself. Clearly he was mistaken."

"Do you have to tell Holmes about what happened?" I asked looking at the elder Holmes.

"No," Mycroft said sitting on the edge of my bed. "I will not say anything to Sherlock about your behavior. You must be the one to tell him."

"But-

"Cassandra, we both know my brother;s reaction once he hears of this. It would be in your best interest if he heard what happened from your lips rather then the lips of a newly made constable." He said. "It is time for you to grow up."

"Is that not what I have been since Holmes left three years ago?" I asked.

"You distanced yourself back then, you did not grow up. You did not want to feel anything. That is not going up, Cassandra. That is becoming something much more. something that I know Sherlock does not want for you despite everything he had taught you."

"And what is that?"

"A Holmes. A Holmes that has had a great loss and the only way to handle the emotions is to hide behind logic. Do not do that, Cassandra. You miss more things in the world then you may think. However, you must know how to be out in the real world. You need to fix this mess you created."

"Is Watson angry with me?"

"I cannot say for certain. I do know that he was very concerned last night. He believed that it was his fault for pushing you to go out in the first place." Mycroft answered. "I think he is disappointed in you for acting that way. You should speak with him soon."

"I will."

"And you shall refrain from returning to any pub. It is a nasty, horrid habit that you have developed."

I sighed. "Yes, Mycroft."

After he left, I bathed and slowly got dressed. Headache or not, I knew that I had to make amends. When I walked into the sitting room, Watson was sitting at the table reading the newspaper.

"Thank you for stitching the cut." I sad. "It was so clean, I don't think it will leave that much of a scar."

"I would have preferred if I didn't." Watson answered. "I did not think that you would have acted in such a way."

"It was not my intention."

I sat down next to him. "I am sorry I made you worry so much last night."

"I had thought you were over the drinking phase." He said.

"I have not had that much since I left for France. I sear to you that I haven't, Watson."

Watson sighed. "What bought it then?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. I wasn't sad or anything like before. I was angry with Holmes for leaving me behind. I was furious at Jess."

"Cassandra, I think the answer is right before you."

"I don't seem to follow with you, Watson." I said frowning. "You will need to explain this one to me."

"What was the one thing you hated the most when you were little?"

"Writing out in Latin whenever I got into trouble. I still to this day cannot stand Vigil."

He chuckled lightly. "No, before that. I remember once taking care of you when Holmes had left on a case. I had done so for a few times. This time I was shocked by this urge you had to stay out in the sitting room. You refused to go to sleep."

I rested my arms on the table and laid my head over them. "I remember. I was afraid."

"What was it you were afraid of?"

"I didn't want to be left behind." I admitted. "I suppose I was afraid. I was afraid that Holmes would leave and never come back. It happened once, you know. He became so wrapped in a case that he had forgotten me."

"I did not know that." Watson said surprised.

"I don't think he realized it, I never said anything. I was fine. Nothing horrific happened."

"But it did happen. The memory and emotions of that time have stayed with you. It cannot be forgotten, Cassandra. That is why whenever he leaves you act the way you do."

I sighed. "He did not mean it, I know Holmes did not mean for it to happen."

Watson reached out and rested his hand on my shoulder. You do not need to explain to me, Cassandra. I know Holmes, and if he knew...he would never let anything happen like that again. I think even you have to deal with the stillness of the world, you too have a way to deal with it just as Holmes does."

"Another habit I have picked up from him. What am I to do, Watson? I do not want an addiction like that."

"We will get you through this, Cassandra. But, I want you to do something first. I want you to promise me that nothing like this will happen again." He said. "I do not want anything to happen to you because you become so intoxicated you cannot protect yourself. I cannot lose anyone else to drinking."

Shame filled me. I had forgotten about Watson's older brother. I had forgotten about the pocket watch and how Holmes and I learned what happened. It was years ago that I learned the elder Watson had been a drunk and died rom it. Of course Watson would not want anything like that to happen to the few whom he had left in his life.

"I promise, Watson." I said. "I promise it will never happen again. and Watson? You won't lose me. You and Holmes won't lose me."

When I walked into the Yard and walked down the rows of desks, there was whispering. I only held my head high as I walked to Lestrade's office. His door was open and he had his head bent over some paperwork. I knocked on the door frame and he looked up.

"Am I interrupting?"

"You have caught me at a good time." He answered.

"Can I talk to you for a few minutes?" I asked.

Lestrade nodded his head and I walked in, closing the door behind me. "I take it this is about what happened last night." He said putting his work in his desk.

"It is. Lestrade, I am so sorry for my behavior last night. It should not have happened and no one should have seen that."

"I must admit, I was not expecting such a performance from you." Lestrade said leaning back in his chair.

"Believe me when I say that neither was I."

"It was nice, I must say to see that you are in fact human after all. You are capable of mistakes."

"Of course I make mistakes." I said.

"It's hard to tell with you." He answered.

"Everyone makes mistake."

Lestrade nodded his head. "Yes, I know. What I mean is that it is hard to remember that somewhere in you there is a person who cares. You and Mister Holmes are very much alike in that area."

I sighed. "Another habit of his I gained I suppose. I do you know, I do care. I care more about things than you or anyone else would think."

"It does not seem that way." He said.

"What would you do if I did? What would you do everything time I hear that someone ends up dead? What would you say to see if I let out a few tears when we find a murdered child? OR the anger I feel when a young woman is hurt? I care more than I show, because if I did, then no one would listen."

"We have cases that stay with us as well."

"But the difference between you and me is that I am a woman and you are a man. /no one will ever see me as the same as you. You are the only one who does besides Holmes and Watson. No one else will ever understand because they do not like a woman with this much intelligence and no man claiming her." I explained.

"So that is what you tell people to justify what you do and say?" Lestrade asked.

I looked down at my hands. "No, that is my way of explaining why I act the way I do. I know it is not the right way, I know that. I still continue to do so because it...I have distanced myself. After Holmes' hiatus...I was not always this way. I wanted to work with Holmes more than anything, I wanted to do what he did, bit at the same time I wanted to do more of what you did. Holmes solves problems, but you, you actually care enough to help those people. I wanted to help as well once, but I find it hard now. I can only see the problems as well, sometimes I forget that there are people."

"It is not an easy thing." He admitted.

"No, but that is why we are the ones that do it." I said looking back at him. "I can be cold, I know that. I can be cocky at times, and I know that I feel I must point everything out. But, I do it all of that, because I am afraid of the rejection I might get. I don't want that, Lestrade. I really don't. And I am afraid that last night destroyed whatever reputation I had gained while I was here. Your mean will never see me in the same light I was. I was weak and I shall have to pay for that."

"I cannot speak for everyone else." said Lestrade. "However, I know that it changes nothing between you and me."

I could only stare at him in shock. "What?"

"Miss Vernet...Cassandra, I know that we do not see eye to eye most of the time. However, from the first case we worked on together, all doubt from my mind that you are incapable of doing this has creased. Do not feel as though you need to prove yourself to me. Last night's actions do not even change my mind. I know you to be a very professional young woman."

"Why do you place so much faith in me? You of all people should be glad of the fool I made myself into last ight. It is only fair after all that I have down towards you."

"Because I know what Mister Holmes and you are capable of doing. I know the dangerous you place yourselves in/ There are times where you are both very conceiving and arrogant, but you both fall through in the end." Lestrade said.

"You are right when you say that the others will not see this the same way you do." I said.

"No, they wouldn't. However, they will not speak a word of what occured last night if they wish to not find themselves on desk duty for the remainder of their days."

I smiled. "Thank you, Lestrade. I promise I shall never act towards you as I have in the past."

A few days later, Holmes had finally returned. I was recording the final results from an experiment Holmes had been working on before he left, when he walked into the sitting room.

"How was the case?" I asked turning to look at him.

"I can only be glad that it is finally over."

"Was the dinner the duchess threw in your honer that unbearable?"

"Completely." Holmes answered lifting the dagger from the mental and retrieving his mail.

"I had three cases in a role. Two were from Lestrade, the one took only an hour to do."

"You have certainly kept yourself busy."

"Holmes, there is something I must tell you."

"Do not tell me you and Watson got into a fight while I was away." He said reading a letter. "Or worse my brother and yourself."

"Not exactly." I said.

He stopped and looked at me. "Prey tell?"

"I may have gotten into some trouble while you were away."

"What kind of trouble?"

"The drunken disorderly kind." I admitted softly.

"Cassandra!" Holmes exclaimed.

"It was an accident...of sorts."

"You will have this on your record."

"Lestrade had taken care of it. He promised it would not go on my record."

"Start from the beginning. Do not think of leaving anything out of this."

As I explained everything to Holmes, he stayed silent. I could not make observations of what he was feeling as he kept a firm mask in place. Knowing Holmes, it was not a good thing. A silent Holmes was even more dangerous then one that wasn't. When I finally finished, he seemed to loom over me.

"It should come to no surprise to you that I am disappointed beyond words."

"No, it does not."

"Did I not leave you with instructions that you were to stay out of trouble?"

"You did." I answered.

"Cassandra, you must not lose control like that." Holmes asked firmly.

"Yes, Holmes."

"You wanted me to treat you as an adult as my equal and I have done so. This episode, child is proof that I need to reconsider. However you told me the truth right away. You took the first time and for that I shall overlook this mishap. Do anything like this again and you shall find yourself engaged to a Latin scholar."

"Yes, sir." I said softly.

"Good. Now, finish that report you were in the middle of writing."

I turned back to the work, but could only stare to it. After a few minutes, I asked. "Holmes, I know you are angry with me, but may I tell you something?"

"If you feel you must." He answered.

"I know I have not been acting very well as of late. I know it is no excuse, but I have felt that I needed to prove to everyone that I am not weak. I want them to see that I can do this. I think it why I have been overworking myself as of late."

"What makes you think that you must prove yourself to anyone, Cassandra?"

I turned around. "Holmes, look at me. I'm a tiny young woman who dresses in men's clothing most of the time. People see me and are entertained by me at first because of the way I look. Once I open my mouth and deduce this and that, the amusement is gone. People want me back in my place. I thought that if I acted indifferent to what they think then I can ignore it. Instead I point out the flaws of others around me so I will not have to deal with it. I know now, that it was wrong of me."

"Don't ever feel the need to prove yourself to anyone." Holmes said. He placed his hand on the top of my head. "As long as you know your capabilities to do something, then that is all that matters."