Puzzling Words
"I love you."
These words puzzled her. They had no meaning to her. They were not even directed towards her. They were not her words. She did not deserve the words, not from him. She never had in the first place. She never understood why she thought she would get them.
These words confused her. What were these words to her, but empty. She felt nothing but pain every time she heard him say these words. They were not for her. They never were meant for her. She would throw the words on the ground and light them on fire if she could.
These words baffled her. Her heart broke every time she heard them come from his mouth. They were meant for another. Yet, still she hoped. Still she waited. Still she dreamed.
These words perplexed her. Sometimes she imagined that they were hers. That she could just cuddle up and let the warmth of the words envelope her. She wanted, no, needed, those words.
She needed those words as badly as she needed him. She needed him to be with her. To smile with her. To laugh with her. To tell her those words.
These words dazed her. She felt nauseous every time she heard those words. She felt like she would keel over and die. All of her like would leave her in one great motion. She would not sleep. She would not eat. She could not. It was too much for her.
These words befuddled her. She had to know what, where, and why these words were. Why would anyone want these words? What was the point? Who was the first to even utter them? They were not needed.
One does not feel love. One felt great like, but not love. Love was nonexistent. It was a word of no meaning. A puzzling word. A word that made her feel like she was no longer her.
She wished that life was simpler once more. She wanted to her an apprentice again. She wanted to just worry about becoming a warrior, not about love and fighting and dying.
Most importantly, she wanted him again.
She always thought about those three words, the ones that puzzled her to no end. The three words that made her head spin. The three words that made her feel like someone important, yet like she was just no one.
The words were the most puzzling in the world. She never wanted to hear them again, yet she wanted so badly to hear them from him just one time. She knew she never would, though.
"I love you."
It was the first time she had ever heard those words. It was not from him, but they made her melt none the less. She felt happy and calm and at peace. She could die and she would be happy. The way it made her feel, it puzzled her.
Every day she heard those three words, and she could not have been happier. It was not who she wanted at first, but it was who she wanted now. They were not as puzzling as they used to be, yet the words came to her like they always did, and she hated that feeling.
The words were a symphony of sound, caressing her with each syllable, holding her in its arms of beauty and grace. Those words became a daily routine or affection, a longing for only one.
"I love you."
When she first laid eyes upon the three bundles of fur that were her children, she could only say those words. It puzzled her as to why she chose those words instead of something else, but none the less those were the first words she spoke to the kits.
The first words her little boy had ever told her were those three words. She cherished them, loving each and every sound and silence that came from those words. As the days went on she continued to cherish those words.
"I love you."
She thought the words would never come for anyone else, but she was wrong. Her beautiful and loving half-sister was who those words were for. She loved her sister like no one else. She was her family, someone who she had risked her life for on more than one occasion.
When she lost her sister, she felt lost, but those last three words to her were what she wanted. She deserved them. Her sister deserved them more than she knew.
"I love you."
Yet again the words came for someone new. Two someones actually. Her children. Her second litter, they were. Two beautiful children who brought joy to her life. They were like a beacon of light and love from which she could her find her way out of any darkness.
They brought the three words to her and they made her happier than she had ever been. Hearing the words made her heart beat faster than ever. She felt that these three beautiful words were finally something she loved to hear. They were finally something that wouldn't bother her, no matter who was around.
"I love you."
He was leaving her, and she did not want him to leave her. Death and life, what difference was there? She listened to those words from him, and she repeated them back. She told him again and again those three words.
When he was gone, she still told him. She prayed that he heard. She prayed that he waited for her. She prayed that he still loved her, even though he was gone.
"I love you."
From which those words came, they went as easily. Her baby had left her. Her baby was gone, and she could not last. The words which poured from her mouth grew weaker and weaker each time she said them. Her baby was gone, and the words began to become less familiar to her. They began to become puzzling once more.
"I love you."
She knew when it was her time to leave. The small bird of which she had taken care of ever since the mountains came was dying. She knew the jay was dying, and she knew she would see her in StarClan. She hoped she would see her in StarClan.
She missed the fluttering of wings and the chirping in the morning. The birdsong in the morning would be what she missed the most. The song was the perfect way to wake up, she knew, and she would never hear it again. The bird was gone.
"I love you."
This time, it was her. She was leaving the world, leaving behind her friends, kits, and grand-kits. Her entire family, friends and kits alike, they were all being left behind. Her niece and nephew would miss her. Her kits would miss her. Her grand-kits would miss her. Her friends would miss her. Her Clan would miss her. He would miss her.
She would miss them all, and they would miss her back, but she had her duties. Her friends and family who had passed would be waiting for her. Her beloved would be waiting for her. They would all be waiting for them. When she passed, she would greet them with open paws.
She would arrive, and she would see all who was lost to her long ago. Her brother, who died as a kit. Her sister, who was killed by a dog. Her half-sister, who was murdered in cold blood. Her mother, who died from eating contaminated prey. Her bird, which died from natural causes. Her mate, who died as the best cat she'd ever met.
For eternity she would feel the love of what was given to her, and what was lost to her so many seasons ago. An eternity of love was all she ever hoped for. An eternity of love was all she ever wished for.
All those who joined before and after her would be with her, a time of forever to know and to see and to love. The words of which followed her throughout her life would finally be stilled in a portal of everything she had ever felt. The emotion no longer stirred in her heart, but kept a steady beat of contentment for all she had ever gained and lost.
Throughout her life she had felt this would happen one day, and she knew it would be after her death that this would become true. She knew, and she accepted it like any other cat. It was those three simple words, those three heart-wrenching words, which made her feel this way.
These words would sing in her ears forever and ever, a feeling of emotions she had felt throughout her entire life. It was through which this all came together, these three words. The three words were there, forever and always, in eternity and passed.
It was true, she didn't think it would have ended this way exactly, but she couldn't have asked for it any other way.
"I love you."
AN: 1,502 words. :-P
This one was really bad.
Really, really bad.
The ending didn't really come out the way I had planned it to. Oh well. Whatever.
Took me quite a few months as well, seeing as this didn't fit to any of my WolfClan charries.
This is actually a Tacoverse thing, but specifically written for the 100 one-shot challenge, not Vehemence. *shrug* Oh well.
The charrie this surrounds is actually not dead yet, but I imagine this is how she would feel. Totes.
You get three guesses to figure out who it is. The first two don't count. :-P