Hope everyone in the US or anyone who celebrates has an amazing Thanksgiving!
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-Miche
Chapter 10: Happy Birthday
I let out another sigh before turning and carving perfectly to his form, resting my head on his chest and arm. He accommodated my position well, rolling to his back and slipping the same arm around me to play with the hair draped over my arm.
"I would say we're good friends. Would you?" That was something I actually hadn't been thinking of. Usually I was one step ahead of everything, homework on time, being purposely five minute late exactly for my clients, and even driving or leaving places at the minute every day. I was punctual and well at understanding things. He came up in my blind spot, being something that I knew was there but never really saw until now.
He was a great man. Very thoughtful. However cold and distant he may seem to the world around him, he was roughly entirely grounded. Like me, he liked to observe people from time to time. Not normally engaging in a conversation, but listening to the cues and answers each view point made. He had a young heart for his experienced and intelligent mind, still being fun and witty when he wanted.
Besides our coffee dates, I never saw him smile much. He was closed off to showing everyone himself but me. That made him special, and made me feel special in return that he trusted me like that. Well, I sure he'd always have a place in my heart for him being the first person I gave myself to willingly. He'd always be that special at the least.
"Very good friends. I'd say we've come a long while since our first encounter."
"That was quite a night to remember, if I may say so." Seneca's second favourite type of love language I knew was physical touch. When finishing our coffees he would walk the same way with me to my classes as were his main building was. He'd occasionally wait for me to bump his shoulder only to bump me back on purpose. On busy days, the streets were filled with many crazy looking people. I'd take his hand more times than others when follow me through them. However little we did touch, keeping our relationship unattached, he would instantly relax anytime we did. I saw a tenseness in his arms and neck sometimes that could only be helped by a simple touch to his shoulder or three second hand hold.
I kept my hand moving along his stomach, feeling every muscle and every curve of him from side to side. He didn't have many prominent features now as he was completely spent and relaxed under my touch. His hand met mine near his diaphragm.
"Where does this leave us?" He wanted to know if with us being perfect together and having relations now made us something more than friends. I was excited by the idea. My first love still plagued my mind, as I suspected he always might, but right now I would be proud to be Seneca's partner (or whatever we called each other).
"More than where we started." He looked to have a conflicting expression on his face.
He never had many secrets to share, whether he was withholding some or never held any, I still inquired on what he may say. "I've never had something like this in a long time." I was shocked. "I've never been as emotional when doing this-or rather, the feeling I get when I see you - I -."
"Thank you-?"
"No I-I'm saying..." He was a bit flustered exporting all these verbal emotions out at once. I was good at just picking up what he felt, so him explaining it made it hard for him to accept it. "Doing this with you - not the fact we finally did 'it' - with you was good... I mean not that I thought that it would be bad - BUT not to suggest that I thought about this-!" he was stumbling over his words, and I felt him become more and more uncomfortable around me as he kept jumbling his thoughts. I understood them perfectly, though.
"You really like me?" he sighed, gathering himself.
"Yes, and I promise it wasn't because of what they've made you to be."
"Then when was it?" it was my job to push his buttons a little.
"It cliche."
"Tell me."
"So cliche... The time we first met. I knew who you were immediately, watching all the reapings as they happened, but I didn't want you to know who I was, because I didn't want you to act a specific way around me. And I got the real you, the one afraid of being here, which you had all the reason to. I saw a real human being in that half an hour than I had ever experienced in the Capitol."
"That's why you fancied me?"
"That and when you held your breath for so long in your sponsor review." I smiled. It was quite the accomplishment for myself at that time. "When I knew it was far past fancying you, was when you were fighting the boy from Five, Solar, on that rock. I payed little attention to the others as I watched things happen.
"One technician ordered for a wave to hit the rock and possibly run up the sides of it, killing the both of you instantly. I cancelled the order, and in turn it caused an earthquake to erupt knocking Solar off in the process. Allowing you to be victorious from that."
I sat up and covered my mouth. I didn't look at him because I didn't want him to see my shock. He did save me. But at Solar's cost. A weight seemed to lift, knowing it wasn't all of my fault he died, however I still could have pulled him up If I had been quicker.
"I'm sorry. I take all the blame for killing him, as I take every death with me for all of them. I just wanted you to know. I never thought this would happen."
"It's not that."
"What then?"
"Just, what else made you choose me?"
"When you were crowned Victor. You thought you didn't deserve it, that everyone who was in your care who died earned it more than you did. It was humbling for someone so powerful and strong. It made me see you differently."
"And then you bought me-?"
"I needed to know you didn't choose this simply because you were famous now and we're still suffering from your loss. If I didn't warn you, you'd change from the strong person I knew you were." he was so considering in his tone and eyes I had to look away from him. I was just doing what had been right and doing what could save my family. "Even now, you can't see how beautiful you are." I blushed and felt myself smile against trying not to.
"Thank you." I didn't know what else to say. Words of affirmation weren't my main way of feeling love, because I never knew how to respond to them without sounding conceited or like I didn't care. I liked being complimented but I could never express it correctly.
"Compliments aren't your favorites I know, I just thought I'd say something about you as we just get to sit." Quality time was big for me. If someone took the time out of their day just to be with me, it meant more than any kiss, gift, word or service ever could. Yes I did love kissing and being held, but only by those I wanted them from. Anyone else and it offputs me. Sen was someone I felt right to sit with and be touched by.
"So even though I'm so much younger than you, it doesn't make a difference?"
"With the way we feel, why would it?" He was picking up on my thoughts now. I smiled against his form, snuggling further into the blankets with him. When I snuck a glance up at him, I saw he was trying to contain his grin as I was.
I'd never had something like this before. A relationship. Finnick never made any reference to us being anything but friends. Yes, he had helped me in little ways with being a victor, but he didn't know of my life as a whore. Seneca had known and did everything he could to make sure I was going to be okay. He actually showed me how much much cared.
Because if my tangled position next to him, I struggle trying to get up and situate myself differently. He thought it funny to keep my arm down with his and making me struggle to do so.
"What are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm trying to get closer."
"Why?" Letting me go, I was allowed to moved towards to his face.
"Because I want to kiss you." And mutually we did in the peaceful moment.
The rest of the day was spent together. I had forgotten until the 19th of October that it as my golden birthday. I had still been entered in the games those months ago because I was still technically eighteen. Still under the age qualifications. But now it was the nineteenth. My lovely golden birthday, and what would I be spending the day doing if I went home: traveling to Four in a train? Oh and spending the day with what family I had left.
Finally getting home in almost three months, I was exhausted. Leaving Seneca this time took all the energy from me. I didn't want to come back to Four, I didn't want to see anyone, I just wanted to be with him. He was my get away, my drug, my distraction from the reality that awaited in Four.
That day we first spent as a couple, Sen and I made the decision for me to just stay through the week. Which the turned into a month. Or three. This time, our activities inhibited me getting to the train on time, but I didn't care. I was just happy I finally had someone who knew everything about me. We were just starting out and now wasn't the time to be separated.
I keep comparing what I have now to what I 'had' with Finnick, but analyzing it, it was nothing but an infatuation and lies. Nothing in it was ever true. He only told me he felt something so I didn't hate him like everyone else wanted to.
I left after ten more weeks, now better connected with Sen. I had a few of my things at his pace as he had at mine. We still wanted to take things slower in a way with the idea of living together. Yes we'd discussed it, but only later on in the final week of my classes for that session. We decided that we'd wait and see what happens, if I were to become more of a permanent resident of the Capitol, if living together would just make it easier for me (and him to see me). He asked if a year would be okay to wait, and I agreed with gladness. Whatever he wanted I wanted, too.
My house was lit up as I reluctantly walked home. The train had come later than usual to the station in the Capitol, and even felt slower. It was 10:33PM from my watch, so feeling the surge of excitement on telling my family that I finally had someone was probably effected also from me being tired. I'd get to tell them about Seneca and how wonderful he was towards me. My father would have a heart attack in knowing our age difference, but I knew he wouldn't mind knowing I really did like Sen. Since they were all notified that I was coming home, perhaps I'd finally have a Happy Birthday celebration waiting for me?
I unlocked the door, as saw decorations and people everywhere celebrating. It wasn't for me. In the living room I saw someone I never thought I'd see again making a toast for another who was suppose to be dead.
"I wanted to congratulate my brother on his marriage by-" Troy stopped his glass seeing me enter with my things still packed and hanging off me in duffle bags. Everyone followed his gaze and they all saw me standing dumbfounded on the entry way. I saw all our old neighbors, and family friends, my dad's work buddies, some of Troy's new family members, and others I didn't recognize.
Everyone was dulled in the celebration upon seeing me. Someone drunk attempted to stop the background music repetitively. When it was finally quiet, everyone felt awkward staring at me. Someone turned around and stood to greet me from the couch, but froze upon seeing it was me. He was back...
"Saxon?!"