Morning dawned brightly in the east as it always did on Earth and with that, the sun rose earliest and shone its first light in the windows of all Academy apartments and dorms that resided on the Eastern-most parts of the building. And of course, Leonard McCoy happened to be assigned an apartment in the Eastern wing, to his utter distaste. While he had the windows darkened to 90% opacity at night, it still allowed a small amount of natural sunlight into the room come morning. On most occasions, Leonard would be able to sleep through the light, and its early arrival, but due to his recent increase in stress he had become yet again quite the light sleeper. The doctor would commonly wake up, begrudgingly, as soon as the dimmed light would stream over and shine directly into his eyes, and go about his day. But the knowledge that he wasn't on duty until the evening made him decide to make an attempt at falling back asleep, and perhaps actually sleeping in for a change.
To Bones' later surprise, he had managed to fall back asleep, after whisper shouting for the computer to black out all windows 100%. He felt noticably more well rested then he had upon his earlier rude awakening, despite that, he wore his usual gruff subject-less glare as he woke up and began his day. As he went about his somewhat orderly and scheduled morning 'routine' his glare began to lessen and his expression softened. He drank his piping hot coffee, fresh off the replicator, and scratched his stubbly chin. McCoy picked up his PADD to check any messages he may have received while he slept. On most nights, whether he was on the Enterprise or on Earth serving in an infirmary, he received multiple messages from nurses, and on rare occasion, he would get a random middle of the night comm. from Jim. He would wake up to his 'pile-up' of communications, and not much would be out of place. But on this particular morning, he received a message from someone that made the corners of his grumpy lips upturn happily. Carol Marcus had asked if he would join her for a vid and lunch around 1300. He quickly fired off a short but genuinely delighted agreement. With his excitement, he remembered a certain blonde friend of his, and his brows furrowed with subtle concern. He thought of Jim's admission of his struggle with his more than near-death experience and felt the old and familiar need to check in on his best friend. He recalled a memory like reopening an old wound that wasn't his own, and suddenly he heard the sound of Jim's piercing screaming in his ears all over again.
Leonard had fallen asleep that night with a somewhat concerned scowl on his face. Jim had been at the same old bar on the outskirts of the Academy, pissed drunk and making a pass at almost anything that moved. The slightly weathered by time bartender knew Jim and his exploits well, and he also knew to comm. McCoy whenever Jim got too terribly wasted and stupid. That night had been one of those times. The doctor who shared his dorm space with Jim Kirk, who had somehow become his best friend and occasional caregiver, immediately made his way to the bar. He knew the routine, talk Jim down from his idiocy, put his ego in check, and drag him home to sleep it off. They had made their way back to their rooms surprisingly quickly, and the second the brash, drunk blonde made it anywhere near his bed, he collapsed onto it without another word. It wasn't until 0400 that Leonard was rudely awakened by dreadful screaming and slurred yelling. Due to the fact that such an episode had only occurred once before, McCoy groggily assumed that perhaps Jim had managed to get into a fight in their dorm room in the middle of the damn night. "What's all this damn commotion for?" the doctor spat out as he neared the source of the screaming. His left arm had been tiredly raised to scratch his scruffy bearded jaw, but the arm quickly dropped as his eyes shot open, now fully awake. Jim was still in his bed, blood-curdling screams, and indistinct fearful shouting leaving his lips as he thrashed violently. Leonard rushed to his friend's side, grabbing his shoulders and attempting to wake him. "Jim, Jim! Wake up! It's just a dream!" he tried to hold the sweat covered blonde down but Jim struggled against him.
"You can't… have them…. Fucker! I won't let you… my kids… I don't give a shit what you do to me!" The words were somewhat slurred with sleep but the general message and fear and fury seeped through every word Jim shouted. McCoy continued to shake his friend's shoulders but it did practically nothing to rouse him from his unconscious state. The yelling was reduced from garbled sentences to only agonized screams of "No!". It was nearly twenty more minutes before Jim began to calm, tears staining his face and his pillow, sweat soaking his sheets. Leonard almost hoped that Jim would be able to slip back into a calm deep sleep but instead he woke up, with bloodshot eyes and a piercing headache. "Bones…? What are you doing in my room?... I have the worst headache." As the blonde began to sit up, he could feel the cold wetness all around him and began to realize what exactly had happened even before his friend could answer.
"You were shoutin' about kids, your kids, and a couple other things.. what the hell happened Jim? If I'm gonna be your doctor, ya gotta give me something to go on here!" Leonard let out a frustrated sigh and ran a somewhat shaky hand through his short brunette hair.
"I… I'm going to have to get Pike to release my full file to you… I'm not even allowed to talk about it." Jim sighed with an intense exhaustion behind it, before letting out a disgusted huff of laughter spitting out the last bit.
"Then that's what we do tomorrow. Get some proper rest kid, you need it. And so do I." Bones replied with his voice gruff and gravelly as he got up wearily and left the room with reluctant concern.
Leonard winced at the memory, as he felt his concern peak once again. He dug his communicator out of his pocket and it chirped its usual electronic chirp as he flipped it open. He called his friend and it rang, unanswered for nearly a minute before it connected and he heard the groggy and slurred voice of a Jim that had just woken up. "How're ya feelin?" Bones tentatively inquired, knowing full well that Jim was not particularly a morning person.
"I actually don't feel too awful, I slept surprisingly decently. My body's probably still just grateful to be out of that dreadful hospital bed." Leonard could hear the dramatics occurring on the other side of the communication.
"Yeah yeah, remind me next time to let your sorry ass stay dead," McCoy questioned the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, worried it was not at all the time to be joking about Jim dying. But to his relief, Jim laughed it off, seemingly genuinely.
"Alright, sorry Bones, you know I appreciate you dragging my 'sorry ass' back from the beyond." Jim chuckled as he spoke, and Leonard was quite glad to hear it.
"So, ya heading to the main building to talk to the admirals?" the doctor inquired as he queued up his second cup of coffee for the day.
"Yeah, but first I have an apology to give to a certain Vulcan neighbour of mine." Bones could almost hear the grimace in his friend's voice, along with the lazily masked nervous chuckle.
"Oh good, what did you do now man?" McCoy let out a humour filled sigh and began to drink his coffee. He heard a less humorous sigh come from Jim.
"That night we all got smashed at the bar, after we split up, I may have, accidentally tried to go into Spock's apartment instead of my own."
"Please tell me the hobgoblin didn't let ya in." Bones inquired with a voice of concern, though he was struggling to stifle hearty laughter.
"He did. And I made a complete fool of myself, likely ruining a year of carefully tended to friendship." The dismay and moping were evident in the Captain's voice. "Want to come with me as a buffer for my pathetic grovelling?"
"I can just hear the puppy dog eyes, but alas I cannot. I have a lunch date with Carol." Leonard's tone quickly turned proud and excited, very much looking forward to his date.
Jim heaved out a sigh before responding. "Fine, that is a very valid excuse. I'm actually proud of ya, enjoy your date Bones."
"Oh, I will. Comm. me later if you need anything." Bones smiled and with that their communication disconnected.
Jim rolled out of bed, feeling his muscles tense as he moved, his musculature and endurance was improving at a remarkably rapid rate, his body was healing itself and reverting back to its previous state, which as Jim pondered it for a moment, slightly concerned him. He thought to attempt to remember to tell Bones about that next time they spoke. He stood up, scratching the section of pelvis the peeked out of his black Starfleet boxer shorts. As he walked out of his bedroom and towards the kitchen, he stifled a yawn. Quite quickly, as per usual, he queued up some coffee, hazelnut flavoured this time, from the replicator and began to consider just how he was going to present his apology. He considered for a moment pretending he didn't remember a single thing from the night, except for chess and Spock leaving. But he felt Spock deserved a better, and more honest apology. He drank his coffee, delighted at the familiar treat of the hazelnut flavour. After he quickly consumed the entirety of his coffee, he made the conscious decision to take a shower. As he stepped into the shower, he continued his valiant effort to think of ways to apologize and still maintain and preserve their friendship. He wracked his brain and came up with near to nothing. As Jim stepped out of the shower, feeling relaxed and cleansed, he decided to go with the memory loss excuse, it seemed like possibly the only route that ended in their preserved friendship.
Jim somewhat leisurely dried himself off and threw on one of his favourite slightly worn in casual uniforms. He grabbed his communicator, shoved it in his pocket and was hastily out the door. He made his way to Spock's apartment door just as quickly as he knew he would, but dreaded it none the less. Just as he was about to ring the notification bell, the door slid open on its own, revealing a well dressed, in uniform half-Vulcan. Jim flinched slightly and attempted with great mental fervor to think of something passable to say.
"Ah mister Spock, fancy seeing you here. No robe this time?" Just as Jim's lip began to quirk its way into a smirk, he realized what he had just said. 'Oh just great. So much for the "Oh Spock, I'm sorry I can't remember a thing!" defence.' The Captain felt a very strong urge to slap himself for making such a simple and idiotic mistake. Jim could in no way hide the look of disappointment and regret that overtook his face, but he shamefully raised his eyes to meet his first officer's. He could have sworn he noticed a tinge of green gracing the edges of Spock's cheeks, but feeling his own embarrassed flush warm his face, he looked away at a nonexistent point of interest.
"As I am presently leaving to attend a lecture, it would be quite inappropriate to be dressed in robes meant purely for personal and meditative uses. May I assist you in some way, Captain?"
Jim let out a nervous chuckle of laughter as his cerulean eyes found their way back to Spock. "When's the lecture starting?" he inquired casually.
The Vulcan answered promptly as usual, "The lecture begins at 1015, in approximately one hour." Jim made note of the somewhat unusual lack of eye contact coming from his Commander but pressed forward anyway.
"Well as you said you've got an hour, could I, uh, talk to you for a moment, Spock?" Jim felt a bit like a fish out of water as if he had lost all of his cool, his control and his charm, all at once, in front of his Vulcan… friend. He ran his fingers through his freshly washed blonde hair and hints of the delightful lavender and sage scent of his shampoo released into the air as he did.
"If that is what you wish, you may enter," Spock spoke, his voice almost perceptibly deeper than usual, as he took a few carefully executed steps back into his apartment. Jim swallowed nervously but followed his first officer past the threshold. The room was just as he fuzzily remembered it to be, aside from being more adequately lit during the day.
Jim felt his heart rate increase as he breathed in and out, with every step he took closer to where Spock was standing. A nervous lump made its way into his throat, and Jim coughed slightly, attempting to cover his nerves. In other situations somewhat similar to the present, Spock would be staring directly at Jim waiting with what always seemed to be indifferent patience. But as Jim looked toward his Commander, he found that the Vulcan's deep brown eyes were focused elsewhere. As he followed Spock's line of sight he quickly discovered he was looking at nothing in particular. Suddenly he felt even more apologetic and shameful then before he had arrived. 'How bad did I fuck this up, that he won't even look at me?'
Jim grimaced and began speaking before even giving a single thought towards what he would say. "I need to apologize, my actions the other night were… inappropriate and uncalled for. I just.. I hope that I haven't completely wrecked our friendship ." as the blonde spoke, his confidence faltered ever so slightly, in a sort of tremor that the common ears would have missed. He also practically vomited the words out at an almost impressive speed. He coughed again, choking on a nervous laugh that travelled up his throat. Jim raised his hand and rubbed the back of his neck, waiting anxiously for Spock to respond, or finally look at him, something, anything. But it was another minute or so of painfully awkward silence before the raven-haired Vulcan turned his head towards his Captain and met the gaze of the lapis eyes boring into his own.
"I believe our 'friendship' was pre-emptively ill-fated, Captain. The fault of which, lies with me." Spock spoke with a hint of something in his voice, that Jim only very slightly noticed. The blonde's brows drew together and upward, frown taking over his chiselled features.
"What do you mean, what the hell are you talking about?" Kirk began to feel defensive, almost hurt but shook himself out of it, determined to get to the bottom of what his first officer meant.
"There is, a matter I should have immediately informed you of, but... have withheld for some time." Jim's feelings of hurt began to morph into confusion, causing his right eyebrow to quirk expectantly, waiting for Spock to continue. When he didn't, he broke the palpable silence.
"What matter? Does this have something to do with you staying with me while I was in a coma? If it is, Bones already told me about that. Though it still doesn't really make sense to me, and I'm pretty damn sure he was lying about it…" The Captain shook his head a little, but looked back to his Commander and could have sworn he heard Spock let out a small puff, almost like a sigh.
"The doctor spoke truthfully, which does relate to the matter I previously mentioned. During and following the events involving Khan, I began exhibiting odd behaviours and experiencing seemingly inexplicable... occurrences." The Vulcan practically trailed off, which gave Jim even more cause for concern, and suspicion. When Spock didn't continue, Jim inquired further.
"Seemingly inexplicable occurrences huh? That tells me that you did figure it out." The blonde's left eyebrow rose inquisitively, prodding for an answer. Jim had to hold back the urge to tap his foot impatiently.
Spock seemed to inhale deeply, steadying himself almost before he began to speak. "After intensive meditation and consideration I have reached the most logical conclusion, which to say, is that a specific type of… bond has formed between you...and I." As Jim let out a sigh of relief, he could have sworn he saw Spock clench his jaw uncomfortably.
"Well, I mean, I thought that was obvious, you know in human culture we call bonds like that, friendship." Jim was about to let out an eased chuckle, but Spock interjected promptly.
"I am aware of the terms used for human social bonds, Captain. Vulcan bonds bare distinct differences." Spock shifted his weight from one foot to the other rigidly. The sun beamed in through the leftmost window in the Commander's living room, it peaked its way over to where Jim had been standing and highlighted the golden strands of his short hair. Something that did not go unnoticed or unappreciated by the Vulcan in the room. The words Spock spoke were easily understandable, but the meaning behind them, Jim did not yet fully fathom.
"Wait, so, we have a Vulcan bond? What kind of bond are we talkin' about here?" Jim asked, his nerves were still on end, but his curiosity was winning over all else.
"There is a... Vulcan word for the specific type of bond that I have come to believe exists between the two of us." Spock hesitated something that did not go over Jim's head. The blonde raised his brows in anticipation, waiting, rather impatiently, for the dark-haired man's continuation. Just as Jim was about to interject with a general 'Well?' Spock did continue, albeit unusually quietly. "T'h'yla."
The Captain frowned, slightly taken aback, vaguely recalling having heard, or felt the word before from someone quite similar to the person in front of him. "T'h'yla… that sounds almost familiar, what does it mean, exactly?" Jim spoke the foreign word brokenly, twisting his tongue in a thorough effort.
Spock, who had been standing somewhat adjacent to where Jim was, moved. Taking two calculated steps backward, beginning to turn around. He snapped his arms behind his back, standing up terribly straight, and he no longer faced his Captain. "It is reasonably rare amongst modern Vulcans. It refers to a… lifelong bond between friends, brothers, lovers… and so on."
Jim stared at the back of his first officer. His uniform was neatly pressed and without a single crease, but he could see the impressions of the toned muscles that lied beneath the dark fabric. His mind hiccuped slightly over the word 'lovers' but he instinctually snorted lightly, saying the first thing that popped into his rather confused mind. "What, like soul mates?" A humour-filled smirk found it's way on his face as he awaited Spock's quick rebuttal, but it did not come.
Instead, the Vulcan slowly turned around, dark eyes portraying something Jim couldn't place. "It is… somewhat similar to the human concept of soul mates." There was a quality to Spock's voice that Jim didn't know if he'd heard before. He considered for a moment, thinking it was perhaps doubt but brushed it away. Jim's frown deepened, drawing a blank, trying to process what his friend was saying. "That is why I must recommend that we cease any and all non-professional contact." Spock took in a breath and straightened his already pin-straight posture.
Something struck Jim, and his heart clenched, old hurt and abandonment squeezed it further. "What? Why?" Jim's voice was defensive and his body tensed.
"I do not know if I will be able to maintain the amount of required control to be in your presence in a non-professional environment as time progresses," Spock spoke with his usual chilly tone but as Jim's eyes dropped for a moment, he saw that Spock's hands were tensed, almost into clenched fists. There was silence for a few moments, Spock did not continue or further explain, and Jim, with his mind reeling, attempting to catch up, said nothing.
Jim clenched his right fist, and looked up, meeting his commander's dark brown eyes. "Then don't." his voice was firm and his light blue eyes pierced forward, staring intensely in Spock's direction. Before his Vulcan friend had even opened his mouth to respond, Jim felt his stomach flip. He questioned what he was saying, wondering if this was the right course of action, trying to think of any alternatives. He came up empty.
"Do not what, exactly? You do not know of what you speak." It was almost as if Spock scoffed, but once James T. Kirk got it in his head to do something, it was nearly impossible to steer him off course.
"Don't control yourself, would it kill you to let loose a little?" As he said the words, Jim no longer knew or cared what was happening, all he felt was determination, he was set on figuring out the cause and solution to the seemingly non-issue plaguing their friendship.
Spock took two broad steps closer to his Captain, eyes narrowed, his face appearing almost, perhaps, angry. He was still about 3 feet away from Jim but the closeness was wildly apparent to Jim himself. "I do not believe you comprehend what it is that I am controlling." Spock's voice was tight, almost as if he were speaking through gritted teeth.
Jim instinctually took a step closer to the person in front of him, nearly fully crossing the distance. A tiny bit of his signature smirk crossed his face, feeling quite rebellious. "I think I do know, almost better then you do." Spock inhaled visibly, exhaling in what could have almost been a sigh. He appeared to be thinking, which is what Jim assumed as he looked over his commander's face in close detail. He noticed the ever so slight specks of gold in Spock's deep brown, almost inky black eyes. He also came to quickly appreciate the graceful points of his eyebrows. His eyes slowly travelled downward and for the what seemed like the first time, he noticed the gentle curve and upturn of Spock's lips. Jim heard an only slightly audible huff of air and with that, his first officer gracefully turned from him, taking a few steps away, creating distance between them.
"You are my Captain, and beyond that, as my friend, I do not believe you grasp what it is that you say," Spock spoke quietly, and he did not turn back to face his Captain.
Jim thought he heard a ticking sound, although it may have just been his own impatience he heard. He felt frustrated, confused, nearly angry, and something else he wouldn't actively admit. "Then tell me what you mean damn it, am I just supposed to guess? I'm not about to throw away our friendship on the grounds of 'we have a Vulcan bond and you can't control yourself'"
Jim let out a frustrated sigh, and with that Spock spun on his left heel and aggressively crossed the space he had created. The way he moved and the energy he gave off reminded Jim instantly of the Narada incident and how he had purposefully antagonized Spock as a way to remove him from command of the Enterprise. And thus, he also recalled how Spock had rushed and attacked him. At that moment a shiver of panic went through Jim, but he stood his ground. In approximately one second, Spock was in front of him, close enough for Jim to feel his controlled breath. They stood like that for what seemed to be much too long, wordlessly, intensely staring at one another.
Jim was almost completely sure that at that point Spock was exercising every ounce of restraint he had to not absolutely throttle Jim. Neither of them moved, and Kirk didn't know whether he should feel awkward or afraid. Since James Tiberius Kirk doesn't feel fear, of course, he began to feel a certain awkwardness, but he refused to back down, even if it meant being pummeled by his first officer. But nothing came, and just as Spock was about to draw back and walk away, Jim grabbed Spock by the shirt and pulled him back somewhat aggressively. "Come on Spock, this is ridiculous, you've never held your tongue when it comes to telling me off, so why start now?" Jim wore a devilish grin, with cocked eyebrows, waiting to hear his answer, provoking whom he thought was his prey.
Although he got something of the reaction he wanted, it shocked him nonetheless. Spock snarled, and quickly apprehended both of Jim's arms, twisting him around and driving him into the wall directly behind them. Jim had turned his face just in time to prevent getting completely checked by the wall, he tried to look behind him to say something, perhaps an apology of sorts, but his half-Vulcan commander was finally utilizing his superior strength and quickly overpowered him. Spock gripped Jim's arms and had them tightly pressed against his back. Not enough do any damage, but enough to sting a little and prevent the Captain from moving from his grasp. Jim could hear Spock's breath, he could feel it on the back of his neck, and the tiny blonde hairs the resided there stood on end. He could also subsequently feel as Spock wedged his knee between his legs, and pressed himself into Jim's back. Kirk always found himself surprised when he encountered Spock's truly impressive, toned, figure. He tried to move ever so slightly and found as he did Spock only held tighter and pressed more firmly. "Spock-" he began to speak, but his first officer swiftly cut him off by raising his knee further between Jim's legs. Instinctively, Jim pressed himself back, against Spock and an unexpected hardness. He felt Spock drop his head slightly, with his short dark hair tickling the crook of his neck, warm breath searing his skin. A shiver ran down his spine and Jim almost forgot where he was, what he was doing, he was nearly far gone, lost in the moment. The small bit of him that remained coherent and questioning, felt the need to inquire upon the reasoning for his present circumstances. "Spock, wha-" he attempted to speak clearly but was cut off yet again by his commander nearly growling at him. Jim himself had become the prey.
"Do not speak… another word."
A/N: Aight well, this took a long time. I edited it so many times, and changed things around slightly so many times, I don't think I have the capacity to check on it anymore. BUT I have the next chapter all planned out, I'll start it tomorrow most likely. So, what do you guys think? Things are startin to heat up! I can't tell you how stupidly giddy I was while re-reading that last paragraph there. I thoroughly appreciate all reviews and comments, so send your thoughts and opinions my way! Y'ALL ARE DA BOMB DOT COM