Hey guyss:)

Thatnks alot for all your comments and I know it's getting pretty heartbreaking I just wanted to warn you its gonna get angsty and emotional for another couple chapters. I wanted Clois to go through the stages of grief and have to deal with loss. its prett y emotional i gotta say im pretty surprised at how ive written this so far. so I just wanted to warn you guyss. don't worry just a little saying I wanted to let you in onn you're probably already familiar with it, "It has to get worse before it gets better" so keep that quote in mind while reading this story. dont worry i have something planned

Enjoy this next chapter (It's a Pretty short one though I'm starting to write chapter 11 now) :)!

Chapter 10

When Clark returned home that day, he was worn out from stopping a couple of robberies around the world. He came home within the hour, wiping his eyes as he saw Chloe sitting on the couch staring at Lois who was looking straight ahead with a blank expression. He could tell he had walked into the middle of a conversation they were having. He felt as if he shouldn't be there. Chloe looked up at him in surprise with a sympathetic sad look on her face. Lois didn't react to Clark; she simply kept staring straight ahead. Clark swallowed hard as Chloe walked up to him; she put her hands in her pocket as she stood before Clark in silence out of earshot. Clark's eyes went to Lois, "What did you guys do while I was gone?"

Chloe sighed as she turned to look back at Lois, she turned back to face Clark again, "She's a mess Clark."

Clark slowly blinked and brought his head down, "What do you expect Chlo."

Chloe shook her head, her eyes turned glossy, but she refused to let her tears fall, "You know when we were kids, I had a lot of issues dealing with losing my mom. At the time Lois never knew what happened to her, but...she could tell I was so broken and confused. I just didn't know where to go from there. How to be happy again. Lois was always there for me. She used to come over to my house every day after school to make sure I was alright. She'd come see me everyday telling me a joke, bring me chocolates...anything to make me smile. At that moment I knew that I would always need her and she would make everything okay. Now... I never thought her life would be turned upside down like this, the one person who knew how to take other people's pain away, and I have no idea how to make her pain go away." Chloe cringed to herself as Clark watched her, emotion taking over as he restrained himself. Chloe threw her arms around her best friend and embraced him as Clark squeezed her back. "I know you're hurting, and I can pretend to know how you're feeling Clark and tell you how I can be there for you." She paused, "But we both know the truth. And that's that only you and Lois can figure out a way to get through this. I will be there for you both every step of the way but please... I can see you both changing because of this. Don't let this tragedy define who you two are for the rest of your lives." She whispered in his ear.

She pulled away to see Clark, as he swallowed hard to compose himself. She turned the knob and walked out the door, before turning to say one last thing to him, "She's a mess Clark."

Clark took a deep breath, "I'm trying to fix her Chlo."

Chloe nodded, "I don't doubt that."

With that, Clark went back inside to see Lois still sitting on the couch staring into space. He walked around the couch and knelt in front of her, he placed his hands on her lap as he stared back at her face, searching for his Lois in her eyes. Lois' eyes met his. No. He saw no sign of his Lois in her anymore. At that realization, Clark's shoulders shook as he started to weep in front of her. Lois' eyes furrowed, confused, as she stared back at Clark who was crying in front of her. He buried his face in her lap as he continued to cry. Lois' chest rose up as she refused to let herself feel any emotion again, not after the incident with Chloe. She hesitated at first, but placed a hand on Clark's head, stroking his hair as he continued to cry in her lap.

I'm so sorry. This was all my fault. I did this to you Lois. I'm so sorry.

A few days later, Clark was off searching for escaped Phantom Zoners as Lois was seated in her kitchen, sipping on her third glass of orange juice mixed with pure vodka. She had zoned out that she didn't even notice someone had come inside. "Knock knock." Lois jumped and turned around to see Martha Kent in her kitchen, standing at the doorframe holding a basket. She stood there wearing a warm smile.

Lois gulped, "Mrs. Kent I didn't know you were coming...Clark's not here..."

Martha rose both her eyebrows, her smile never faltering, "I know. I came here to see you. And Lois what did we talk about before; you are not allowed to call me Mrs. Kent anymore. It's mom or Martha. " She spoke in a light hearted tone.

Lois gave her a faint smile, but it quickly turned to a frown. She was about to stand up when Martha walked up, holding out a hand in front of her, "Oh no you don't. I don't want you walking on that broken leg anymore than you should."

Lois shrugged, "I was just being polite."

Martha chuckled, "No need for any of that. I thought you might be feeling lonely here so I decided to fly by from Washington and visit, I haven't seen you in a while."

Lois took a deep breath, "Yeah."

Martha pressed her lips and placed the basket she brought on the counter, "I brought some food I cooked for you. Being in Washington on my own, I missed being able to cook for my family in Smallville so I took the opportunity since I know you love my cooking."

Lois looked down, "And because that's usually what people do. They bring food to the homes of those who have lost someone." Martha tilted her head, giving Lois a sad look. Lois shook her head, "It's okay Mrs. K. I know the drill. The General received mountains of food after my mother's funeral. Except..." She lifted her head up, "We never had a funeral for Lily." It made her heart ache to say her daughter's name out loud.

Martha put a hand on Lois' shoulder, "Lois...Lily will never be forgotten. You shouldn't spend your life mourning her death, spend it celebrating her life."

Lois laughed to herself, "Her life didn't even start Mrs. K. I can't celebrate her life because she was never born. I can't celebrate the birth of my child; she didn't live long enough to even see the day her own life began. All because... all because of me."

Martha was confused, "Of you?"

Lois closed her eyes, "I thought I can make the light. I thought, if I just speed up a little more, I can make it before it turned red. Lily would still be alive today if-"

"If what?" Martha cut in, "If you had slowed down?" Lois didn't answer, Martha sat herself down, gripping Lois' shoulder, "Lois let me tell you something about life. You can't control the forces that lead up to something tragic. There's nothing anyone could've done to stop this. I'm sure that you weren't speeding up, I'm sure it was a spur of the moment decision." She can tell she wasn't getting through to Lois; she started to speak in a softer tone, "Did Clark ever tell you about my own daughter?" Lois looked up to meet her eyes, Martha gave her a smile, "I didn't think he did." She took a deep breath, "This was years ago, around a year before you first came to Smallville. I had gotten pregnant, and it was a miracle. Jonathan and I never thought we would be able to have kids. I still remember the day; Jonathan and I were driving back from Lex's wedding to his wife before Lana, her name was Helen." Lois listened intently, as Martha continued, "This was at a time where Clark and Jor-El were at different terms. At the time, Clark wasn't ready to fulfill his destiny and he decided he needed to tie up every loose end to his Kryptonian heritage and decided to destroy the spaceship he came in. A decision which Jonathan was completely opposed to. Anyways, Clark ended up destroying it, but it caused a very big explosion. Jonathan and I were driving back and we ended up getting caught in the middle of the blast which drove our car off the road. I lost the baby that day. It was a very emotional time for all of us. Clark blamed himself for the miscarriage. He ran away from home, and we didn't hear from him for three months, he came here to Metropolis; he was on red kryptonite, doing reckless things, just drowning himself in the guilt. You know what, at the end of the day, Clark would always be my miracle and I could never even imagine blaming him for the loss." Lois looked away, tears stinging in her eyes, Martha looked down and grabbed her hand, "Clark's probably blaming himself just like you are Lois. Don't let yourselves be consumed of that guilt of losing her. Your daughter would never want you to feel that way Lois." Martha tucked her fingers under Lois' chin as she gently lifts her head up to face her. Martha bore her eyes into hers, "It gets better Lois. I promise."

Lois' tears blocked her vision, she nodded closing her eyes, "Okay." She said under her breath.

Martha smiled again and embraced her in her arms; she nodded against her hair, "Okay." Lois didn't know how long she and Martha hugged, but she really needed that. Lois needed a mother's comfort. When they let go of each other, Martha turned to her basket of food, "Alright, let's eat now."

Lois didn't know if she had the stomach for so much food. She hadn't eaten much in the past few days; she knew she had a lot of fluid in her body, and not the healthy kind. After a few hours, Martha had left and Lois was once again alone with her thoughts. She hated to be alone now. And she didn't even know when Clark would come back. Being alone just made her think... about everything. All she could think of was the accident. With that in her mind, she poured herself another glass of vodka and ice and quenched in the burning sensation alcohol gave her and how it made her mind drift off to anything else.

Clark had arrived home pretty late that night. He was exhausted he had found a few Phantom Zoners, but he knew there were much more scowering across the globe. His job wasn't done yet. He walked into his room to see a passed out Lois in their bed. He saw an empty glass on her night stand he assumed to be water. Slowly, and quietly, he crawled into bed and attempted to sleep facing the other side, his back to Lois and her back to his. The distance between them only started to grow.