The longest chapter yet at over 4,200 words, whew. I wanted to finish by Monday night but now it's Wednesday and I've only just finished. Please continue to let me know what you think, I feel like the further into the story I get the more worried I am that people won't enjoy the updates!
Thanks for reading - Jess x
"Harvey, I drew you a picture!" She called in excitement as soon as he and Donna entered his apartment. They'd been flicking between homes after Harvey had decorated his home study, turning it into a bedroom for Ella; three of the walls were white and one was lavender, sporting wall stickers of different wildlife creatures in a sketch-type design.
"No way!" He said, mouth gaping as he walked towards the breakfast bar, standing next to her seat.
"That's you," she told him pointing at one of the figures.
"Am I a superhero?" He asked eagerly.
"Uh huh, that's your cape," she traced her finger over its outline. "That's mom and me," she pointed to two figures with long hair, curls squiggled with an orange pen, one smaller than the other with fairy wings coming out of her back. "This is our pet raptor called Violet," she pointed to the dinosaur she'd added.
"What's this?" Harvey asked, finger tapping on the drawing at the centre.
"That's our house. It says Paulsen Specter," she underlined the words with her fingers. "That's the door and that's the roof. Do you like it?"
"I love it," he smiled and Ella returned one. "Do you have that Disney magnet we bought the other day?" She nodded in response.
"Go grab it, we can put this on the fridge." The child let out something of a squeal in excitement as she slipped herself off of the stool, Harvey smirking at her character.
"I'll be off," Mel asserted having gathered her things.
"Thank you," Donna and Harvey responded in union, causing the nanny to smile before leaving.
"I never knew I'd give birth to such an artist. This is good," Donna stated, stood on the other side of the bar and spinning the drawing so it was the right way up for her to look at.
"She must get it from her dad," Harvey replied casually, taking his suit jacket off. Donna promptly lifted her head to look at him, watching as he hung it over a stool, swallowing the rising nausea.
"Got it!" Ella yelled out as she re-entered, grasping the fridge magnet in her hand and walking towards the container. Donna passed the piece of paper to the child, who put it against the fridge accompanied by the magnet. "Please can you move it up?"
"There?" Donna asked after gliding it upwards.
"Maybe a little to the left," Ella pondered aloud, her mother following the instruction. "Perfect!" She grinned.
"Alright Picasso, shall we go run your bath?"
X
She found herself back on the couch. Her body weighed down by the invisible force, confronted by nothing but a darkness that loomed over her. The sudden feeling of skin close to but not quite touching hers, breath attacking her neck and cheeks. The smell of vomit overwhelmed her but she remained stuck, unable to escape the sheer horror in which she found herself.
Harvey was awoken by a sudden thrash to his ribs. Turning to his left, he could see her struggling against the air. Eyes still tightly shut, her lips moving ever so slightly but no coherent sounds came out, a couple of quiet moans was all.
It wasn't the first nightmare and he wasn't going to wake her if it settled. So, he propped himself up on his elbows and continued to face her but, after only a couple more moments, the thrashing grew in intensity. Moans, whimpers, small cries escaped her lips as she desperately pushed at nothing. At which point he couldn't help himself but intervene, unable to watch it unfold.
She felt a hand on her arm and she rapidly pushed it off, only for it to return. She couldn't see him, he was gone, but she could feel him. Her desperation continued to grow, overtaking her, feeding into her fear and panic. His presence only increased. She felt a stroke to her head, the firm - though not tough - grip to her upper arms inciting greater anxiety.
Hearing the muttering of her name brought her closer to consciousness and, when she could feel her hand brush against the skin of another, she pushed with all her might, jolting upright in the process.
"Get off me!" She cried out, pushing against the figure and hitting against the clothed chest in front of her - actions which did nothing to stop his returning grip.
He called out her name; once, twice, a third time. He held onto her, determined not to let her go, wanting so badly to wake her fully. Her eyes were wide open but she wasn't there, not with him, not awake. She cried out a no, and a stop, and a get out, which he wouldn't do. Fuelling not only her fear but his, having to watch as the night terrors increased in severity while he remained helpless.
"Donna, it's me, it's Harvey!" He gave her a slight and gentle shake as he yelled the words and the thrashing ceased, her hands resting on his chest. Her eyes met his in the darkness, filled with terror and fear that did nothing to ease his concern.
He leant around her, switching on the lamp next to her to illuminate the room in the hopes of alleviating her fears. The low light confirming she was safe, in his home, in his protection.
She dropped her eyes from those of the man sat in front of her, her body aching and a slight tremble appearing in her hands as she let them drop from their spot on his body. He moved the strap of her satin night gown from her upper arm back to her right shoulder, his fingers creating a path down her arm to her hand, clasping it in his and gently stroking her knuckles with his thumb.
The room was silent aside from her rapid breaths and when he brushed his left thumb across her forehead, his fingers tracing her hair, the cool touch was relaxing against her warm, damp skin.
"It's okay," he whispered as his arm found its way around her shoulders. He pulled her towards him, her body complying to his touch, sinking into his chest as his arms encompassed her; one was holding her shoulders against him, fingers delicately brushing against her bare skin, while the other held her head, fingers skimming through her hair.
She was breathless, gasping for air. A loud gasp that sounded almost like a guttural sob escaped her; except she wasn't sobbing. She was too exhausted. She had felt the tears accumulating behind her eyes and could feel their slow release but she couldn't let go of the burden within her mind for the lethargy that had overtaken her was too strong.
"Mommy?" It came from a small voice belonging to a small person who was stood in the doorway, hugging a bunny rabbit teddy against her chest. Her eyes were wide and glistening, her bottom lip beginning to quiver, her mouth an upside-down crescent.
Donna retracted from Harvey's arms, his hand slipping to her upper back, not wanting to break contact. She swiped her hand across each cheek, brushing the tears before forcing a small smile with all her might.
"What's wrong?" Ella asked, her voice heavy with sadness.
Donna tried to reply, to say she was fine, to take Ella back to bed, only she couldn't. It was beyond her, a task that was suddenly impossible, her body so filled with weariness. Harvey noticed her mouth open but fail to make a sound, ever so slightly brushing his fingers against her back.
"Your mom's okay, just tired. Shall we get you back to bed?" The girl nodded at his offer and stood waiting for him as he climbed off of his bed, staring at her mother who now held her face in her hands. "C'mon," he whispered, gently placing a hand on the top of her head.
The child climbed back into bed, Harvey pulling the covers over her body, tucking her in before perching on the edge of the bed.
"She's not." Ella said quietly, looking up at him.
"Hm?" His brows knitted together in confusion.
"You said mom's okay but she's not." She responded with a frown, fiddling with the floppy ear of her teddy.
"She is," Harvey tried to smile but Ella simply shook her head and twisted her pursed lips to the left.
"If she's okay then why was she screaming?" Her bottom lip was beginning to wobble once more, her vision blurred again. Harvey sighed and bit his lip, not sure how to answer when he didn't know for himself.
"She had a nightmare, that's all. If you can, try to stop worrying and go back to sleep." His voice was gentle and soft. "Do you want me to read you a book?"
"Yes please," Ella whispered.
When Harvey returned to the bedroom, the bed was empty. The faint sound of falling water caught his attention and, as he headed towards the en suite bathroom, he heard it shut off. He knocked on the door a few times, resting his hand on the handle.
"Don," his voice was loud enough she'd be able to hear but his softness quietened it. His attempts to conceal his concern failed and Donna could hear it more than she could hear her name. He was met by a silence, one that worried him and prompted him to open the door. "I'm coming in," he announced, but still she said nothing.
Upon opening the door, he found Donna stood with a towel wrapped around her, hands planted on the rim of the sink in front of which she stood, hair thrown up into a bun. Her head was tipped down, shoulders hunched, her breaths deep and slow.
"Hey," his hand against her neck, grazing down to her upper back, was an unexpected contact that sent a slight shiver down her spine. His cool hand colliding with her cool skin.
"I've never seen her look at me like that before," she muttered, head still hanging low. "She was terrified." It was barely audible but he heard it and she knew by the gentle movement of his hand to her shoulder, not leaving her skin.
"She's okay. She was worried about you, but she's okay." Harvey assured her, a prominent sincerity beginning to ease Donna's worries about Ella. "We read 'The Rainbow Fish' and she was spark out before I could finish," he smiled, dropping his hand from her shoulder.
She was sad at the loss of contact, desperate for his comfort and craving his affection, attention, protection. She latched her bottom teeth onto her upper lip, dragging against it.
"She heard, didn't she?" She knew the answer and didn't need to ask but she couldn't help herself. She was hurting anyway; a confirmation wouldn't make it any worse. Overcome with that time old human mechanism of looking for pain when you're already hurting.
"She did." He wasn't going to lie. He knew full well that she already knew, she just needed to hear it from somebody else. "Let's go back to bed," he suggested and placed his hand on top of hers. She looked up to him at last, giving him a small and unconvincing smile. He gave a gentle squeeze, an 'it will be okay' squeeze, as their eyes locked. Fear, anxiety and concern crashing like waves of two different seas in between them, only held down by the intensity of their love.
X
When morning rolled around, no one felt rejuvenated enough. Donna and Harvey immensely struggled to fall back to sleep and, just as they were drifting off at around 5am, Ella crawled into bed beside her mother, waking them both.
Donna and Harvey trudged into work, their brains dependent on caffeine in order to function even in the slightest. The only thing getting them through the day was the knowledge they were leaving the office before six so the three of them could go out for dinner with Lily.
When the time rolled around, both their energies came solely from coffee and calories. Returning to Harvey's apartment, Donna hurriedly ushered Ella into her room to grab her outfit out of the closet before rushing to get changed herself; Ella wearing a short-sleeved, burgundy dress while Donna's was sleeveless, black and figure hugging.
"We just about have time to do your reading, come on," Donna gestured Ella to sit with her on the couch as she pulled the slim book out of the woodland creatures themed backpack: mini hedgehogs, bumblebees, ladybugs and foxes scattered the cream bag.
Ella sunk into the couch, sat next to her mother whose arm snaked around her to hold her close. Harvey watched the two as he sifted through a file while sat opposite them. He was in awe of Donna every time he watched her interact with the little girl, consistently dumbfounded as to why she so vehemently asserted herself as the worst person to raise the child.
There was a knock on the door just as Ella finished the last page and Harvey headed to open it. He greeted his mother with a hug before she fully entered his apartment, him closing the door behind her. In her right hand was a yellow and white striped gift bag.
Donna stood up, Ella following her lead, before walking to greet the infamous woman at long last.
"Donna," Lily spoke her name with a warm smile. It was fully loaded, knowing she owed her relationship with her son to the woman stood ahead of her. She took the redheads hands in her own, the gift bag slipping to her wrist, before continuing. "I'm so pleased to finally meet you. I really do mean that," she remained smiling, Donna too as she gave a slight nod.
"I'm so pleased to finally be meeting you too," she beamed. It was true. She'd heard so much about Lily and, even if she had caused Harvey some pain, her growing relationship with her son made Donna's heart swell.
"Thank you." To others, the gratitude could have seemed confusing, yet both Donna and Lily knew the older woman's meaning ran deep. It wasn't about Donna's reply, not in the slightest, but about Harvey. The redhead knew that. Lily knew that she knew it; the look in her eye and the smile on her face, she'd truly understood that meaning.
"And you must be Ella," Lily grinned as she lowered herself to the child's level. "How old are you?"
"Six," Ella replied quietly, Donna's hand on the back of her head as her fingers teased the red locks.
"Six? Oh my god! You're such a big girl!" Lily exclaimed excitedly, prompting a cheerful smile to form on the child's face. "I hear that you like dinosaurs," Lily begun.
"Yeah," Ella spoke through her smile. "I have a raptor."
"A raptor?" The older lady said in amazement and the girl responded with a wide-eyed smile and nod of her head. "You know, I found a dinosaur the other day and I thought, just who could I give this to? Seems like you're the perfect person to take care of her," Lily widened the distance between her hands, opening the gift bag for Ella to look inside.
She took the box from the bag with both hands, and, when she lifted it out, her face lit up as bright as the city skyline.
"A t-rex!" She beamed in excitement, thrilled by the gift.
"What do you say?" Donna said, continuing to twiddle with the loose curls at the back of Ella's head.
"Thank you!" Her eyes didn't move from the gift as she stared through the clear plastic front of the box at her new toy.
"You didn't have to get her that," Donna said, slightly taken aback by the gift. The gift which she'd figured out the moment she saw the bag. Lily simply gave her a look that said she'd wanted to, both Harvey's and Donna's hearts warming.
"Why don't you go show my mom your room?" He suggested, proud of his decorating skills and eager to let everyone know.
The couple watched as Ella led Lily to her bedroom before turning to one another.
"You should've told her not to get her anything," Donna asserted and Harvey tilted his head ever so slightly.
"She was determined to get her a present, why not let it be something Ella likes?" He reasoned, though the moment was just as much for him to enjoy as the child.
"She'll end up a spoilt brat if everyone's always buying her things." Donna stated adamantly but not seriously, stubborn in her parenting. She wasn't wrong, they both knew that, but Harvey didn't care. He liked buying things for her, surprising her, watching her face light up in absolute glee and sometimes accompanied by slightly overdramatic reactions.
"Are you okay?" He asked having waited all day to find an opportunity.
"I'm fine Harvey," she replied quickly. A light-hearted tone and a warm smile alongside the words, though doing nothing to make either believe it. He gave her a questioning look, his raised brows knitting together and lips pursed. "I am," she reasserted, still not convincing herself or her lover.
Harvey nodded, smiling at her as he guided a stray hair back to the silky locks that fell down her chest.
"Thank you," she whispered.
"It's just a hair."
"No, it's not," it was so much more than a hair. Her right hand landed on his chest as she gazed into his deep brown eyes. Their breaths mingling in the small space between them, eyes falling on one another's lips.
"You did a good job in there Harvey," Lily declared as she re-entered the room. Harvey and Donna separated, both turning their eyes to his mother.
"I know," he said cockily, a shit eating grin spreading across his face. "Hey art teacher, take a look at this masterpiece she drew me yesterday," he walked towards the fridge and tapped against the drawing. Lily headed over to get a closer look and Ella made her way towards her mother, pulling Donna's hand over her shoulder as she stood in front of her, the COO's other hand brushing through the girl's curls.
"Wow, Ella!" Lily grinned over to her.
"We should get going," Donna smiled, acutely aware of their dinner reservation and her own ravishing hunger.
They arrived at the restaurant – an Italian a little further from them than the offices – and quickly settled into comfortable conversation. It was second nature for them. Exchanging stories, Lily talking about Harvey as a child, Donna finding similar stories about Ella to share.
"Mommy, I need to go to the bathroom," Ella dropped her fork into her pasta before biting her lip and leaning forward slightly.
"Let's go then," Donna replied. Standing from her seat, she guided Ella away, following the signs to the women's room.
"My god, that woman is something special." Lily smiled at her son, completely taken aback by the redhead. Astonished by her presence as most people were, drawn into her loving energy and completely understanding why Harvey loved her.
"She really is," Harvey replied. He smiled too, knowing precisely how lucky he was.
"She'd make a great daughter-in-law," his mother stated with a knowing look. "Oh, and that little girl, she's a dream."
"I know, she amazes me." He admitted, bringing his glass to his lips, taking a small sip. "She's so creative with this brilliant imagination. She's learning all these facts about different dinosaurs and inventing new ones by mixing all their features together. Although, one did have fairy wings that sprouted from its back." He chuckled as he told the story, a look in his eye that didn't go unnoticed by Lily. She'd place it as pride and total adoration, something she frankly hadn't expected to see.
"She showed me her bunny teddy when we were in her room, told me that it helped her sleep after Donna's nightmare last night." Lily's soft voice caught Harvey's attention. "Said she was screaming, crying, hitting you."
"She didn't tell me she'd seen that," Harvey muttered solemnly.
"Is everything okay?" Lily asked, the concern for all three of them very prominent.
"She's having nightmares and night terrors…" He trailed off, he couldn't help it, he was barely coping with it himself. Not that Donna knew, or at least he didn't think she knew – she was Donna, after all. "She'll be okay."
"Do you know why?" She asked, wetting her lips. He shook his head and glanced down, pursing his mouth. "Harvey, I know I'm not the best person to give out relationship advice… but if there's one thing I've learned since being with Bobby, it's that communication is a pillar. I've never had such a long-lasting, uncomplicated relationship and I've also never had one that's been so open and honest."
Harvey listened to her, taking in the words as they brought his harsh reality home. He knew he had to confront Donna, question her about what was causing her so much pain, but he knew her and he knew himself. These sorts of questions were bound to lead to more hurt. Yet he knew that they had to be asked. None of them could continue on the path they were headed down; Donna self-destructing, Harvey exhausting himself with concern and Ella suffering the consequences of it all.
"Yeah, well," his tone quickly becoming unsavoury as he grew tired of the topic. "That's for us to deal with and I'm not having this conversation with you." Harsher than he'd intended but he wasn't regretful of his honesty.
X
They'd parted ways at the restaurant after their meal, Lily leaving for her hotel as they headed back to his condo. Ella hadn't lasted the car ride home, falling asleep as she sat in the back of Harvey's sports car. He carried her up to his apartment, Donna opening the front door for them before they made a beeline for the girl's bedroom.
Donna pulled back the sheets as Harvey laid Ella down on the mattress. He removed her socks and shoes as Donna removed her dress to replace it with a nightie, the child so exhausted that the movements had no chance of waking her.
Donna gently closed the door when they left the room, a loaded sigh accompanied by a slow blink came as a consequence of her tiredness. She looked up to Harvey, his eyes so fixated on hers she felt as though he was reaching into her soul, breaking it open and reading every word.
"What?" A small voice of deep inquisition posed, trying to read him but clouded by something she couldn't quite place.
"What's wrong?" His own voice was filled with care, compassion. He meant it, he was serious, he wasn't about to let it go unanswered.
"Nothing." She knew her assertion would fall on deaf ears, not that it would stop her.
"No, it's not nothing." He was calm, concerned, a ready listener.
"It is." She was moving away then, entering the bedroom. He followed, of course.
"People don't have night terrors over nothing." He wasn't expecting an open, welcoming response – thankfully, he'd have been deeply disappointed had that been the case. His words were met by a loud sigh, almost a groan, Donna simultaneously opening the wardrobe.
"What was that for?"
"What do you think?" Her passive aggressive tone was mirrored by her hefty slam of the door ahead of her. "Perhaps I don't like the interrogation. Perhaps I'm tired. Perhaps I don't want you to wake up my daughter." She held her navy satin pyjamas tightly within her grip.
"If anything was going to wake her it would be you slamming doors." He didn't mean to clip his words in the way he did, didn't mean to sound so aggressive.
"What are you trying to say, Harvey?" Her tone was equally as cold as his and she watched him slide the bedroom doors until almost shut.
"Nothing." His voice softened, turning to look at her with a pained expression. "I'm worried about you, Donna. Hell, I'm scared. I've never seen you like this."
"Well don't be." She turned, walking to the bathroom, his mouth falling slightly open. He wasn't surprised but he didn't expect that.
"How do I do that?" He sounded curious. To her, he was being an asshole. To him, he was perplexed by her outlandish suggestion.
"I don't know, Harvey. I thought you had the answers to everything." Her eyes were wide as she gritted her teeth. He shook his head, looking away from her temporarily so he could gather his thoughts, find the words, prevent himself from becoming angry with her unwillingness to let him in.
"I just want to help you. Why won't you let me?"
She didn't answer. She couldn't. What would she say? So, she shot him a brief smile with sad eyes before entering the bathroom. Equally wanting to let it all out and keep it all in, locked away from the world.
He exhaled an unsteady breath, slowly inhaling before exhaling again. Regaining control of the impossible situation. She wasn't angry, she was hurting. He could see it in her eyes but he couldn't stop it; how could he help someone so adamant to keep a wall between them?