Disclaimer: None of the characters are mine.

A/N: This chapter was so hard for me to write. I was nearly in tears the entire time, but it had to be written. So, there is a tissue warning on this chapter! Also, only two more chapters after this, just so you know.

Remus didn't know what to do. He had never expected to have to go through this again, not even in his worst nightmare. The pain was worse than a thousand transformations. He had expected to feel hollow, numb even, but he had never expected to feel this sort of pain and torment. It ran deep, penetrating his entire body until it felt like every fiber of his body was pulsing with the same message. He's dead… he's dead…

Remus didn't know how he ended up at Grimmauld Place. Truth be told, it was the last place he had wanted to go. Everything in that damned house reminded him of Sirius. He could see his friend sitting at the kitchen table, lying in front of the fire as a dog. He could remember all of the full moons they had spent in the cellar and god, it hurt to think of them.

He wandered up the stairs, not really paying attention to where he was going until he found himself pushing open the door to Sirius's room. The walls were covered with Gryffindor memorabilia, pictures of motorcycles, and posters of Muggle women. Remus had to grin when he saw it; it was definitely Sirius's room. He sat down on the bed, the bed that still held the faint dog-like smell of his friend. Remus could hear the rest of the Order arriving at the house and he listened to their voices, but the absence of one voice was painfully obvious. Tears ran down his cheeks as his heart finally came to terms with what his mind already knew.

He was dead.

Sirius Black was dead.

His best friend, the one who became an Animagus for him, pulled pranks on Slytherins with him, spent twelve years in Azkaban and spent full moons with him was dead, killed by his own cousin.

They would never laugh about their Hogwarts days again. He would never see Harry grow up, never yell at Kreacher again. He would never turn into Padfoot again, never chase cats, never spend full moons with him. They would never play tag or wrestle or-

Or howl.

Remus choked up as he remembered his promise. …you howl for me when I die… Sirius's words seemed to echo in the room, as if Sirius himself was standing at the doorway saying them.

"I can't," Remus said softly. He furiously wiped the tears off of his face. "I'm so sorry Sirius, I can't."

And why not? Remus could picture his friend leaning against the doorframe and saying the words. You did promise you know.

"Because if I do that'll mean you're dead!" Remus said.

I am dead though. Sirius's voice said, a small hint of amusement in it. Otherwise I would be here in person telling you this and not just a voice in your head. Though if I wasn't dead I wouldn't have to tell you this.

Remus smiled a bit at that, though a few more tears dripped down his face as he would never hear his friend's quirky logic again. "There's just so much you'll never get to do," he whispered. "You won't even be remembered! Sure, they'll clear your name, but what do will that do? You'll be dead! You spent twelve years in Azkaban and they'll only remember you after you've died!"

Well, our Ministry is bizarre like that, but honestly, you can't keep living in the past and you can't think of what I'll never do. Sirius's voice said calmly. You need to look to the future. You have Tonks to think of, and Harry, and killing the bastards that killed your friends. So just howl for me already and get it over with.

Remus glanced out the window and could see the moon just starting to rise over the tops of the buildings. In less than a week, Sirius would have been howling at the full moon with him. Now, he had to howl at the waning moon by himself, but he still couldn't bring himself to do it.

When Sirius had been sent to Azkaban he had felt betrayed. It had hurt like hell, but he had gotten over it. It had taken time, oh yes, it had taken a long time, but he had gotten over it. He had never thought he would have to go through it again though, but now he was and god, it hurt more than it had the first time. Probably because you had gotten him back, only to have him snatched away again, the logical part of him said. You had gotten used to always having him around and, even when he was moody and unbearable, he was still there.

"Now he's gone," Remus whispered.

He glanced out the window again and realized that he couldn't put it off any longer. He walked over to the window and took a deep breath. His heart was pounding because, though he had done this a million times before, this time was different than the rest. This time his howl wouldn't be joyful or hopeful, but it would be full of sadness and pain. Yet he knew that it was something that he had to do.

He took a deep breath, then another, and another. He was putting it off still, he knew he was. He didn't want to have to do this, even though he knew that he had to. He took one last deep breath and, before he could think about what he was doing, he started to howl.

Remus always put his emotions into his howls. He didn't know if it was a wolf thing or because he felt the need to have some sort of feeling in them, but you could always tell how he felt when he howled. This time, however, he wished that it wasn't like that. Just listening to himself howl hurt. He sounded sad and depressed, yes, but there were so many more emotions in it than just that. There was anger, frustration, desperation and pain.

He lost himself in that howl, almost becoming a part of it, as he mourned the loss of his friend. He tried to lose himself in it, trying desperately to escape the reality of the situation. It would have worked too, except there was the sound of a plate crashing downstairs, which jolted him out of his stupor.

All of the thoughts he had tried to suppress came rushing back. The force of it left him numb, unable to think, unable to feel. Remus stumbled back and sank down onto Sirius's bed once more. He didn't want this feeling, or lack thereof, to end. He didn't want the pain to come back. He just sat there, unmoving and unfeeling, completely silent as he tried to forget his friend.

Downstairs, it was equally silent. No one moved, no one spoke. They had returned to what seemed like an empty house, though they all knew that Remus was most likely hiding away upstairs. They had left him alone, since they were dealing with their own grief, though it wasn't anywhere near as painful as Remus's. They had busied themselves with various chores and started various pointless conversations, trying to forget what had happened.

Then, the howling had begun.

When it first had first started no one really knew what it was. Then it hit them: Remus. The room fell silent as everyone listened to him mourn the loss of his friend. When Tonks took a step back and knocked a plate over, it stopped abruptly and the howling stopped. The only sound in the house was Buckbeak, the only one who didn't know that Sirius was dead yet. Everyone else was too shocked, too sad to talk at all.