Maggie came out of the bathroom, wearing her white robe with her hair wrapped up in a towel five minutes after Steve had hastily run out of her apartment to go search for Danny.
She looked around expecting to see him.
"Steve?" she called out, going back in the bedroom to see if maybe she had missed him and he'd fallen asleep on the bed.
She stood in the middle of her room wondering where he would have gone without telling her, going back out into the living room and scanning the area for a note. She then grabbed her purse and pulled out her cell phone to see if he'd left her a message. There was one text that explained everything only it wasn't from Steve, it was from Bridgette.
'Danny knows!'
She called her back immediately.
Bridgette answered, but it wasn't a friendly greeting. "You said you were going to tell him! What happened?"
Maggie plopped down in one of the barstools at the counter, "Oh my God Bridge, I'm so sorry. He tried! He tried a couple of times but just didn't know what to say."
"Well that's just great," she replied sarcastically, "he better get his story together now because Danny knows and he's pissed! I've never heard him so angry."
"Oh my god," Maggie moaned. "This is awful, just awful. That must be where Steve went. He left not too long ago while I was in the shower."
"This isn't a good situation, Maggie." She didn't feel she had to throw out there the relationship between the two men, Maggie knew.
"I know." She put her hand up to her mouth, fighting back the tears. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let it go this far. I shouldn't have let it happen at all, but..."
"But what?" Bridgette could hear the anguish in her friend's voice, knowing she would put all the blame on herself, even if it wasn't entirely her fault. She herself felt to blame. She knew the depths that relationship had gone and did nothing to protect her brother from it. "This isn't your fault, Maggie."
"It all happened so fast," she whispered, recalling she and Steve's time together and the feelings that just intensified not even day by day but hour by hour. "I can't explain it to you the same as Steve can't explain it to Danny. We fell in love." She spoke for herself, not sure if he was there yet, but she felt him moving in that direction, she just knew it.
"Oh Maggie," Bridgette sighed, knowing good and well that was the reason she hadn't said anything to her brother. She just wanted to hear it loud and clear from her.
"We never meant to hurt anyone, especially Danny, or you."
"I know," Bridgette replied. "I know you didn't honey."
"I don't want this to come between them," Maggie said adamantly. "I won't let this break up their friendship. I'll let him go before I let that happen."
"Love has a strange way of making up people's minds, Maggie. He might choose you over Danny if he doesn't forgive him."
Maggie shook her head, "That's not right. I don't even know if he feels the same way about me." Her voice broke as she started to cry. "I can't let him make that decision. It wouldn't be fair, and what if I get sick again. What then? He looses his best friend, his partner, his job, his whole life and for what? Me?"
"Yes!" Bridgette argued, hearing that same old argument from her. "Some people find you to be worth the fight, Maggie!"
"I may not even be able to fulfill what he's expecting." She no longer heard Bridgette's argument, only the fear that she had led Steve to a place that would cost him dearly, just from knowing her. "I've been so selfish."
"Have you told him about the tumor?"
Maggie shook her head sadly, "No. I can't."
"Then how can you say that you love him if you haven't even been honest with him? And how would you know that he wouldn't take care of you if you did get sick? You haven't even given him the chance to make those choices. I hear it in your voice Maggie, that same old crap that you don't deserve to be happy, or that you don't trust that someone will stand by you. Maybe Steve is the one. Don't you dare cut this off before you let him make that decision for himself."
She didn't respond, deciding then that it didn't matter what happened with Danny, and it didn't matter also if Steve would take care of her if she got sick or not, she wouldn't come between them or force that decision on him. She wouldn't do it. It broke her heart but she had to let him go.
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Steve pulled up in front of the William's home, seeing Danny standing by the front door. He had on his black jacket with his hands in the pockets. It was close to twenty degrees outside but he didn't shiver or move for that matter. He stood perfectly erect. His focus glued to the car that had just pulled up as if he had been standing there waiting for him.
Steve slowly got out and began to make his way up the stone path from the sidewalk to the front door, feeling a chill, not from the weather, but from the icy stare that came from his partner.
"Danny."
"Stop right there," Danny said, his voice just as cold as his stare.
"Danny, I'm sorry," he practically begged, taking another step toward him. "I tried to…"
"Shut up!" he growled. "You're not welcome here anymore."
It was then that Steve noticed his luggage sitting next to him. He looked back at the only brother he'd ever known. "Just listen to me and let me explain. I never…we never meant for this to happen, Danny."
"You never meant…" Danny busted out in a laugh, clapping his hands together as the stare became even colder.
Steve knew him well enough to know that whatever he said at that moment wasn't going to matter. He had no way of getting out of this with any kind of forgiveness, at least not today.
"Good one, Steve!" Danny ranted, his voice oozing with sarcasm. "Of course you didn't mean for it to happen. It was just an accident that went too far. You didn't mean to sleep with her behind my back. You didn't mean to lie to me," his voice escalating in anger, "to my face! Twice! That I know of!"
"I know I should have told you the second it happened. That was wrong. I tried."
Danny took a step off the cement porch that led to the path, "The second it happened?" he replied bitterly. "It shouldn't have happened at all!" He angrily tapped his finger against his temple as he walked toward him. "You just don't get it! You seem to think I'm pissed because you didn't tell me. No Steve, I'm pissed because you could fuck any girl you want!" He reached out and angrily tapped him on the shoulder with his finger. "You could go out right now and get laid without even working up a sweat, but NO!" he yelled, "You have to go after the one I want!" He put his hand over his chest. "The one you knew I wanted! That's the one you chose to fuck!"
"Is that what you think happened?" Steve replied, "You think I was just out to get laid? That's not what this is about, Danny. Maggie and I didn't just fall into bed together, there's more to this." The next words that came out of his mouth he knew were a mistake the second he said them, but he felt they were his only defense. "I think I'm in love with her, Danny." He shook his head as if those words were crazy to hear let alone coming out of his own mouth. "I am. I'm in love with her."
It wasn't a cliché of words it was the simple truth.
The anger in Danny grew to a blinding rage, hearing those words was like hearing it from Rachel all over again when she had left him for Stan. The betrayal of trust from the one person that he'd put all his faith in was once again screwing him over. But this time was different from Rachel; he couldn't hit her.
Steve knew what was coming. His instincts told him to react but he couldn't bring himself to move, part of him knowing he deserved it, so he let it happen.
The first blow was across his chin, whipping his head to the side, but the next one came almost instantaneously, connecting with his cheek, knocking him off his feet. He underestimated the strength of his partner, feeling dazed by the punches.
They both landed in the snow with Danny on top of him, his fist pulled back ready to hit him again.
Steve had never seen that look on him before, ever. It was a rage that radiated from every pore in his body and it was generated all at him. The shock over it was crippling, unable to defend himself. He couldn't hit Danny; it just wasn't in him. Instead he faced him straight on, waiting for the next punch.
Eddie came out of the house with Clara on his heels.
Danny's cocked his arm back ready to hit him again. His fist trembled from the rage wanting to strike him again so badly, but he didn't.
His father grabbed his arm and pulled him off of Steve.
"Knock it off!" he yelled, pushing on him as he stumbled back in the snow.
All Danny could picture at that second were images of his life going forward, the humiliation of Maggie being with Steve and both of them knowing his true feelings. If Steve were in love with her then it would be long term. It would have been better and maybe easier to forgive him if it was actually a one-time thing. He hated Steve for not only taking away Maggie from him, but for taking away his life as he knew it. He saw no way that they'd be able to move forward from this type of deception. Not in his eyes at least.
Steve sat up in the snow, wiping the back of his hand over his sore cheek as Clara knelt down beside him. He looked up seeing Danny run back up on the stoop and grab the handle of his big suitcase. He turned around and threw it out in the snow. It landed just inches from his feet. He grabbed the smaller one and tossed it out as well.
"Get out!" Danny pointed toward the car. "Get in your fucking car and get out of here! I hope you two live happily ever after you selfish son of a bitch!"
"Danny!" his mother scolded him.
"Me selfish?" Steve replied, feeling his own anger beginning to surface. "Me selfish?!" he yelled louder, "When have I ever asked you for a fucking thing Danny?! Never! I've always been there for you through everything, even Matty!" He pushed himself up off the ground feeling just as betrayed over Danny's stubbornness. "I couldn't even tell you about this! The one time in my life," he pointed an accusing finger at him, "and you know this is true. The one time in my life that I've ever used the word love," he stared back at him, both men arguing a side that neither could see, "and all I'm asking is for you to see it that way for just a second! Just for one second!"
"You lied to my face!" Danny said with gritted teeth. "You lied to my family. I brought you here because that's what I thought you were, family! You're a fucking liar, Steve." He held his arms out as if giving up. "I don't trust you anymore. It's gone! You fucked her and you fucked me! You fucked this friendship all to shit!"
"Stop!" Eddie shouted.
"Danny," his mother whimpered over the harsh words.
Those words coming from him hurt worse than the punches. "Screw you, Danny." He went to walk away and turned back around pointing at him. "I thought I could trust you. I even had this delusional belief that you'd be happy for me that I finally found someone. I'm sorry that you feel betrayed but you know how hard it is for me to trust and the fact that I risked our friendship for her should tell how important it is, but you're too fucking selfish to step back and let me be happy for once in my life! You treated me like family but it was all bullshit! I didn't betray you, Danny. She was never yours to begin with, but you were too blind to see it! So screw you!"
"Get out of here!" Danny shouted and waved his arm. "I hope she's worth it because you just pissed away the only family you had over some two-faced, red headed, lying piece of ass!"
He could insult him all he wanted but when it extended to Maggie, he couldn't let it go. He turned back around in the same rage of furry that had been extended to him earlier. He was going to pay for that remark.
He was headed in that direction when Clara put both hands up on his chest, blocking his way.
"No Steven!" she shouted as her voice broke and tears filled her eyes over the horrible display between the two men that only hours before had considered themselves brothers. "You need to leave."
He looked down at her and it was as if all his anger instantly vanished, seeing the results of their battle on her that was heartbreaking to him.
"You need to leave," she said passively, but not angry with him. She heard both sides and could understand both of them as well. She knew of Steve's want for someone in his life from their conversation that morning while she made him breakfast, but she just wished it hadn't been this woman, but she also understood that you couldn't help who you fell in love with, if that's truly what it was. She just wished it wasn't Maggie, for her son's sake.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to her, feeling as if he had let her down, but more sorry that she had to witness what had just taken place. "I'm so sorry, Clara. I'll go."
He didn't say another word and just turned, leaving the suitcases in the snow and walked to the car. He couldn't feel the pain in his jaw or the bruise that was forming on his right cheek, the only pain he could feel was the one in his chest over the loss of the brother he thought he had as he got in the car and drove off.
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Maggie paced back and forth in her apartment, staring at her phone just waiting for Steve to respond to her many texts or to show up at her door. She'd already tried to call Danny twice but gave up on that notion after hearing briefly from Bridgette what had taken place at their home.
She was heartbroken for all of them; blaming herself once again for all the pain that was circulating amongst the people she loved the most in this world. She reached for another tissue out of the box that she'd set on the counter.
"How did you let this happen," she scolded herself. "You ruined everything." All she could think of was the friendship that both Steve and Danny spoke so highly of that was now in shambles all because of her. She hadn't been honest with either of them and look where it had led her, she was going to lose both of them.
She put the tissue up to her face as fresh tears fell, knowing the decision she had to make was not only the hardest one she ever had to, but also that it was the right one. She had no right to uproot Steve's life like this, no matter how strongly she felt about him. If she let him go now, she felt certain that he and Danny could patch things up once back in Hawaii, but if she went with him, then all hope would be lost. She used that as her excuse to herself but knew down inside her real mistake had been falling in love with him knowing all along the secret she was keeping from him, but it scared her more than anything else that if he did know of her little secret that he'd stay with her out of loyalty or worse yet, pity. She couldn't risk either of those for his sake or hers.
The knock on her door startled her. She stood frozen to the floor as fresh tears welled up in her eyes, knowing it was him and knowing the inevitable was near. The last time he had knocked on her door, she had run to it with an excitement and joy that she had never experienced before, and was sure she never would again. This time she felt a dread that was more painful than anything she had ever experienced before in her life.
She heard another knock and somberly made her way down the hallway to him.
Steve braced a hand on the doorframe and knocked again. The sound riveted through his head twice fold, aggravating his headache even more. His cheek hurt, his jaw hurt, his whole body ached. He just wanted in, somehow knowing that just seeing Maggie would make it all worth while, hoping she was there because he had literally no place else to go.
He looked up hearing the locks being undone as a smile emerged on his face.
Maggie opened the door and gasped, "Oh my god, Steve!" She went to reach up and touch the bruises but pulled her hands back, cupping her mouth out of shock, it was worse than had been described to her.
"It's not that bad," he said going past her into the apartment, taking her hand as he did, pulling her along with him.
"Not that bad," she exclaimed, "have you seen your face?"
She pulled away from his grip and went straight to the freezer, reaching in for a handful of ice and placing it on the dishtowel that was on the counter and wrapped it up end over end. "Here," she handed it to him.
He forwent the towel and pulled her up against him, kissing her.
She was so taken back by the tender act that she let the towel fall open as the ice fell to the floor and shattered, spreading out everywhere.
She pushed off of him and bent over to pick it up, not so disturbed over the mess as she was over the kiss. Fresh tears filled her eyes as she tried to scoop up what she could with blurred vision. She didn't want anything or need anything like a kiss to change her mind, and after seeing the bruises on his face, her decision was now set in stone.
"Maggie," he said, wanting more of her, "leave it for now." When his request went unanswered, he went down to his knees and took a hold of her hands as she tried to scoop up the ice. "Maggie."
She stopped and sat back on her heels, staring at the ground as tears dripped one by one from her eyes. "I can't…" she cried. "I can't do this to you…" she stammered, her voice trembling.
"What?" he asked, hearing so much anguish coming from her. "It's going to be ok, Maggie," he said reassuringly, not able to stand the pain in her voice.
She finally looked up at him. "No it's not. It's not all right. It's not going to be all right. It'll never be all right." She pushed herself up off the floor. "I don't…I don't think…" she struggled to get the words out that were just as painful to say as they were going to be for him to hear. "I don't think we should see each other anymore," she finally blurted out.
He stared up at her in complete disbelief. "What?"
She walked past him out of the kitchen and to the windows, staring out at the New York skyline as the morning sun hid behind some dark snow clouds. "This could never work out. You should go home Steve and patch things up with Danny. Go back to Hawaii," she replied somberly. "I think it would be best for…for you to do that."
He stood in the kitchen staring at her back, "Maggie," he said almost breathless, stunned over her words. "Why? I can't just…"
"Yes you can. I want you to. I want you to go." She felt another wave of grief begin to hit her and knew she had to get out what she wanted to say now or it would never come. "Please don't say anything else. Please. I've already made up my mind. This is what is best for you and you know it. You and Danny…" she broke down again but quickly recovered, "it's more important. You don't know how important that is."
"What about you and me, isn't that important?"
"There are things about me that you don't know, Steve. Things I should have told you."
"Then tell me now."
She shook her head. It was pointless. "It doesn't matter now. I just want you to go."
The pain from her sudden rejection made his head throb even more than it had from the fight with Danny, causing his anger to escalate from the fear of losing her and not knowing why. "Is this some fucking game you're playing? A revenge you have against Danny to hurt him and you're using me as a pawn?!"
That made her turn around and face him, horrified that he would think such a thing. "No! Of course not!"
"Then what? I know Bridgette says that you've had a bad year. I heard her say that more than once. Tell me why? What made it so bad, Maggie? Was it your divorce? Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid of what's happening between us? Is it happening too fast?" He was filled with nothing but questions over why she was pushing him away and not getting any answers. "I know this isn't all about Danny. You knew what could come of it and you still let us go on, so don't give me that as the excuse."
She turned back around facing the window. "It's not your responsibility, Steve and I don't want it to become that either."
"Responsible for what?! If you think I'm not in this for the long hull, Maggie, you're wrong. I am. Doesn't my face prove that?" He waited for her to reply, needing something, anything from her to explain why she was hurting him like this. She refused to look at him or clarify anything to him. He was confused now more than ever, hating the forced miscommunication that she was throwing out there. "So I'm just done then. I get no say in this?!"
"There's nothing to say," she replied quietly. "The time we spent together…" She had so many wonderful things to say about it, but didn't. "You know I'm right." She stood her ground, fighting with everything she had to not give in. The past week she had been too deliriously happy to think why it couldn't go on forever the way it was, but the incident with he and Danny brought everything to a screeching halt and opened her eyes to the reality and what her future actually was; unpredictable and unsure. She could barley handle it herself, not wanting to put that type of pressure on him. It just wasn't fair.
She wasn't telling him anything. He put his fingers up to his temple, trying to ward off the throbbing pain that was becoming excruciating, having no choice but to come up with his own conclusion of why. "You set me up," his voice a cross between anguish and anger. "You set me up to feel something. You knew where this was going and the whole time and you knew you were going to pull the plug on it, yet you drug me along. For what?! Why?!" he shouted angrily, seeing her body cringed when he did. "Tell me why you suddenly hate me so much?!"
"I don't hate you," she cried.
"Then look at me," he growled, angry that he had let himself fall for her, and worse yet for letting it come between he and Danny. "Why did you do this to me, Maggie?" He knew he was getting nowhere with her, seeing a side of her that she'd hidden from him. It was all a lie. The time they had spent together was all a lie. He had nothing else to say to her, taking her silence as a way for her to cowardly get out of this relationship that she had drug him into and then mercilessly cut him loose from. He felt the pain move from his head to his chest, wanting to shake her, not able to understand how she could do this to him.
He felt betrayed by her lack of feelings over what she was doing. It was pointless to stay and fight for her when she clearly didn't want him too. His departing words crippled her.
"I thought you felt what I did, Maggie. I was wrong. This is why I don't trust people. They've been doing this to me my whole life." He fought back the emotional impact of it, not wanting to give her the satisfaction if that was her goal. "I just thought you were different because of what we went through as kids. I was wrong." He turned and walked down the hall to the door. "I was dead wrong. This whole thing was a lie."
She cowered, closing her eyes tightly as she hugged herself, knowing at that second that she did love him because it was killing her from the inside out over the pain she was putting him through, but it was that same love she had for him that kept her adamant in her decision. He was better off without her. "I never meant to hurt you. It wasn't a lie," but her words were cut off and never heard as her front door slammed shut.
She stared out the window, blinded by tears, telling herself over and over that he was better off without her. She wanted to tell him about the tumor but knew it was pointless. She feared that he would stay with her only out of loyalty because that's who he was. He wouldn't walk away from her no matter how bad it got. It wasn't a risk she was willing to take and it wasn't a burden she wanted to put on him. At the moment she felt healthy but Dr. Pakdman's words were always hovering close by that it would begin to grow again at any moment and take over her life, no matter how happy she was at the time. She just couldn't put that on him, part of her wanting to be selfish and take that chance but the part that fell in love with him wouldn't allow it.
He stormed out not believing that he had let himself get caught up in this web of deception, not only from Maggie, but from the lies that he told himself about Danny's friendship. He never would have physically attacked him like that, not even in retaliation could he strike out at him, feeling the pain in his cheek begin to escalate as he raced down the stairs of Maggie's building, just wanting out. He scolded himself for letting his guard down and allowing others into his world that he'd kept protected for so many years.
"Screw you both!" he fumed, racing down the seventeen floors, finally getting a chance to verbalize the feeling that he'd been denied to both Danny and Maggie. "And screw this fucking city! You knew better than this!" he lashed out. "You knew better, yet you let yourself get sucked in, you fucking idiot! Fuck Danny, he's fired! Not trusting me anymore," he repeated the phrase that hurt the most, "fuck him!"
He always knew he'd take a bullet for Danny, wishing it had been that easy, he knew for certain it would have been less painful. He would have stepped aside for him if the tables were turned, forgoing that goddamn unwritten moral code between guys that 'you never messed with another man's girl', but it was torturing him beyond words, wondering how someone you called friend/brother could leave you so broken and still sleep at night.
'Where was his loyalty,' he thought bitterly.
He came out of the stairwell onto the street as the one sided door slammed shut, locking him out. The icy wind picked up speed as it raced between the two skyscrapers on Maggie's street but it went practically unnoticed to him. His body still seething from the run down the stairs and the life changing events that had taken place over the past couple of hours as his situation slowly sunk in. He gritted his teeth through the painful throbbing from the bruises on his face and in his head, feeling the impact now from the run down the stairs. It was nothing though to the one penetrating in his chest.
Why did she do it? He could understand Danny's anger, but he couldn't get his mind wrapped around Maggie's. Why would she deliberately hurt him like that? The emotional impact of it began to sink in as well. He'd let himself feel things with her that he never had with anyone else. He had felt so certain that it was mutual, confused over what he had experienced with her and what had just taken place upstairs. He could think of no reason other than that was her master plan to begin with. She had played him brilliantly, coming to the only conclusion he could, that this is what she did to men. She'd done it to Danny and probably her ex too and now she had done it to him, wondering how many other poor schmucks had got caught up in her web of lies.
"It wasn't real," he whispered, "nothing you feel toward her was real."
But even as he tried to convince himself of that, his heart ached over the loss as it began to surface in the form of raw and tender feelings that were all too real, but as he had skillfully mastered over the years, his resilient character that had kept him stable in an emotional crisis kicked in. He wouldn't let her hurt him. He wouldn't become a victim of that illusion that love was the cure for all. He'd just had a taste of it and it was bitter and lonely, feeling the pain of her rejection hit again, tearing through him with a vengeance, closing his eyes and trying to ward off the heart break that was real too. He hated it, he hated that he did feel something for her, he hated that he couldn't make it go away, he hated that a part of him that felt sorry for her and would take her back if she showed up in front of him at that very second, he hated that no matter how hard he tried to deny it that he had in actuality fallen in love with her. Distance was going to be his only chance of surviving this. He had to put distance between he and Maggie Waters.
He zipped up his jacket wanting more than anything to just feel warm again. He just wanted to go home and get out of this cold, stinking city.
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Bridgette pounded on Maggie's door, calling for her through the safety chain that was keeping her from entering.
"Maggie! Let me in!"
"Go away," she cried out from the bedroom, lying on her bed with a box of tissues.
Bridgette rested her head on the slightly ajar door. "Where's Steve?"
Just hearing his name brought on a whole new set of tears. "He's gone."
"Maggie," she said calmly, hearing the sadness in her voice, "did you tell him?" wanting to know if he had left because of her illness, but would have bet her life that he hadn't.
Bridgette waited for a response but when none came she knocked on the door again, "Maggie, open the door right now or I'm going to stand here all day banging on it until you do or until your neighbors call the police!"
Maggie sighed, believing her wholeheartedly. She slid off the bed with a tissue in her hand, making her way somberly down the hall to her.
She closed the door and undid the locks, turning and walking away without re-opening it.
Bridgette came inside, closing it behind her. She followed her friend seeing her just as she turned the corner going back into the bedroom. By the time she got there Maggie was already lying down.
Bridgette had seen her sad many times since they were kids, but never had she seen her look as miserable as she did then. "Oh Maggie," she said sincerely, sitting down on the mattress putting a hand on her shoulder. "Tell me what happened."
Her face showed the heartache as fresh tears welled up in her eyes. "He left."
"So you told him about the tumor and he left?" She asked the question but knew that wasn't why.
"No."
"So he blamed you for he and Danny's fight and left?" She pretty much knew that wasn't the reason either.
"No," she whimpered as she wiped her nose.
"Then why did he leave you, Maggie?"
She didn't answer her, knowing she would never understand.
"I know why, because you told him too. Isn't that right?"
"Leave me alone, Bridgette."
"How are you ever going to learn to trust people unless you give them the opportunity to become trustworthy?"
"How will I ever know that he stayed because he wanted to and not because he had to? I can't put that on him. It's not fair. He barely knows me. We barely know each other."
"That's bullshit and you know it. There's something there between you two that sparked on the first day you met him. I saw it! A guy like him, and these are my brother's words, who lives by codes that are built on loyalty, does not turn away from those codes and loyalty because he simply likes you, Maggie. Something compelled him to be here with you day after day, night after night even when you both knew it was wrong. He came anyway! I think he's in love with you the same as you are with him. So what if it happened overnight, does that make it any less of what it is?"
"I'm scared, Bridgette. What if you're wrong?"
"What if I'm right? You never gave him the choice. I think that's incredibly unfair to him."
"He was so angry and hurt when he left."
"Of course he was, look at what he went through for you and he shows up here and you cast him out. I'm sure he's heartbroken."
That brought on more tears. "I didn't want to hurt him," she cried.
"Then call him and tell him. Give him a chance to make those choices on his own, Maggie." she took her by the chin and forced her to look up at her. "If the tables were turned, wouldn't you want that choice?"
She tried to put herself in that position if it were she and had found out the same news, what would she do? The answer was there before she could even consider the scenario. She would want that choice and also knew that she would do whatever necessary to keep them together. It amazed her the loyalty she felt toward him already, and at the same time she came to the conclusion that if she felt it, maybe he did too and if she did nothing about it, maybe Bridgette was right, she could be throwing away a chance of a lifetime.
She sat up and pulled out a fresh tissue, wiping her eyes. "Ok, I'll call him."
Bridgette smiled, relieved over that. "Good. I'll give you some privacy." She leaned over and hugged her. "I'll see you at work."
Maggie hugged her back tightly. "Thank you Bridgette for coming over."
"That's what sisters are for," she replied, squeezing her once more before getting up. "I'll talk to you later, good luck."
"Bridgette."
"What?" she asked, peeking her head back in the room.
"Have you talked to Danny at all?"
She sighed, "No, not yet. That was my next stop. But don't you worry about him. Call Steve."
Maggie nodded with a slight grin. "I will."
"Good luck."
"You too," Maggie said sympathetically. "Please tell Danny…" she paused not sure anything she could say that Steve hadn't already said that would remedy this situation in Danny's eyes.
"You just worry about Steve and you let me worry about Danny."
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Steve walked up to the American Airlines counter when it was his turn in line. He had made his way down the row of airlines at JFK, picking the one with the shortest line.
"I need a ticket to Honolulu, Hawaii," he said, pulling his credit card from his wallet.
"We don't fly to Hawaii directly from New York, Sir," the woman behind the counter replied.
He rubbed his forehead cursing the relentless pounding in his head. "I know that," he replied sarcastically, "just get me as close as you can!"
She raised an eyebrow over not only his curt attitude but also the bruises on his face, assuming he got them because of the bad attitude. She typed on her computer and read off the information she had for him. "The cities I have available where you can get a connection to Honolulu, Hawaii are, one leaving for LA at one forty five, or one for San Francisco at one ten, or one to Chicago in twenty minutes, but I'm not sure you'll make that one."
"I'll take Chicago and I'll make it," he replied, sliding his credit card over to her.
"You may not make it through the security lines," she countered.
"I'll make it, give me the ticket and get me out of this stinking city."
"Yes, Sir," she replied in the most polite way she could. "I only have a first class seat left on that flight." She looked up at him feeling justification for his rudeness. "That will be one thousand two hundred and fifty seven dollars."
He rolled his eyes and groaned but took it anyway, just wanting to get the hell out of the city and the whole state for that matter. "Fine," he growled, giving her his ID as well.
She typed in his information. "How many bags?"
"None."
She looked back up at him surprised over that. "Ok."
He rested his elbow on the tall counter, resting his head in his hand.
"Here you go," she said, handing him his ticket. "Gate thirty eight in Terminal B. You better hurry."
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Maggie sat at the counter in her kitchen holding her cell phone in her hand, staring at the number on the display. "You'll know what to say when you hear his voice," she told herself. "Just be honest with him. Bridgette's right, he deserves that."
She took in a deep breath and let it out, pushing the button.
She closed her eyes anticipating hearing his voice but felt the disappointment as it went straight to voice mail.
She hung up not prepared to leave a message, getting her thoughts together before she called back, catching the voice mail once again.
"Hi, Steve," she began, pausing for only a moment. Her voice was as sincere as she felt. "I want to say how sorry I am. I wish I was talking to you and not your phone. There are things I need to say and things I think you deserve to know about me. I was wrong for not telling you sooner and for keeping it from you today when you were here. I know that now. I don't blame you for being angry. The way I treated you was wrong. I am sorry for that. I want you to know that what I'm about to tell you is in no way an excuse for my behavior, but more than that I don't want it to be a reason for you to come back either. Whatever decision you make I'll understand and please know that the time we spent together was some of the happiest I ever had and that will never change either, no matter what you decide." She closed her eyes and started from the beginning, giving him the details of her illness in shortest most accurate way she could. "A little over a year ago, August 12th to be exact," she began, "I started getting bad headaches." She got about half way with that sentence when the phone cut her off from the length of the message.
"Damn it!" she growled, calling it back again, resuming her place.
"Sorry, I guess I should just cut to the chase and just get it out. Long story short, I have an inoperable tumor in a deep cavity of my brain and my condition is currently in remission, but that doesn't mean that it won't begin to grow again at any time. I just felt that it was unfair of me to put that on you, but after talking to Bridgette she made me realize that it is also unfair of me not to tell you the real reason why I did what I did today. I guess I thought you should know, but it also doesn't mean that I will think of you any less if we never see each other again. This is a huge responsibly to put on someone's shoulders and I never meant for you get caught up in this. I guess…" she sighed, "I guess I just didn't expect for us to happen the way we did." She knew she was going to get cut off again any second. "So that's it, end of story, I won't be coming to Hawaii now, and please know this, that if this is truly the end of our story, that I walk away with nothing but fond memories of you. Nothing will ever change that, nothing. I don't think it happened too fast, I think the timing was perfect. Goodbye Steve. Please be well."
She hung up and set the phone down, satisfied with the outcome. It was in his court now. She felt a wave of relief getting it out, surprised that she would. She also felt as though she had laid it out so clearly for him, that if she never did hear from him again, she wouldn't for a second blame him in any way. She would understand and respect his decision.
The part that was going to be the hardest was the next twenty-four hours, deciding that if she didn't hear from him by then, then she never would
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Steve reclined his first class seat as far back as it would go, taking a drink of the scotch on the rocks in his hand. He'd never had one before but needed something strong and potent to get the bad taste out of his mouth over the horrible day he'd had. The seat next to him was occupied by a businessman who flipped open his laptop the second the plane leveled out. He was glad for that, not wanting to talk to anyone. The hectic morning had finally come to a halt as he took another sip of his drink, cringing over it but he was determined to finish it, hoping it would knock him out for most of the four-hour flight to Chicago.
He turned his head and looked out the window of the plane, glad to be on his way home.
The thought hit him just then of what he would be returning home too. He didn't have to look in the mirror to see where he and Danny had ended up. He was still mad over the attack and the fact that he refused to listen to him, and all for what he thought bitterly? A woman. A woman who ended up deceiving both of them.
He laid his head back on the seat, staring outside as they rose above a group of clouds, coming out into the sunshine as if it were a summer day.
His thoughts instantly went to Maggie, wondering if she would still be coming to Hawaii. He squeezed the glass in his hand recalling the scene at her apartment only a couple of hours earlier, feeling the hurt from it once again. Now that he was relaxed and alone with nothing but his thoughts, he was able to envision it more clearly.
He recalled how angry he was when she refused to face him, but did remember her crying. He was surprised that he hadn't picked up on that before. She was crying when he had got there too, because he remembered seeing her when she opened the door and the shocked and horrified expression on her face over the appearance of his from the results of he and Danny's fight, but her eyes showed the signs of long term crying.
He replayed that scene over and over again, picturing her expression, coming to the ultimate conclusion that she was generally shocked and clearly upset over it. In that second he realized that his whole theory of why she had rejected him had one huge hole in it. If she were just using him then why would she be so concerned for him and more than that, why was she crying?
Their conversation came up next, recalling certain words that were thrown at him. 'Responsibility, and her not wanting him to become responsible for something.'
Responsible for what he thought? And the words that started it all, not what he had thought he heard in his fit of anger, such as, 'I don't want to be with you,' or 'I don't want you,' but what she had actually said, 'I can't do this to you,' and 'it would be better for you.'
Now that he could really hear her in a rational way without the shock of it hitting him like another punch in the face, he began to sort out her words and try to clearly understand her reasoning behind everything. He also knew that whatever it was, Bridgette knew first hand the intimate details. Something traumatic had happened to Maggie over the past year, and that's what was forcing her to make the decision she had. He felt strongly now that it had nothing to do with him, it sounded though as if she were trying to protect him from something, but what he wondered? What could be so bad?
As his angered settled it turned to worry. Worry about Maggie, wishing now he would have fought harder for her, told her things he really wanted to rather than jumping to conclusions because he was mad and hurt over her rejection. But had she really rejected him? That was another topic that began to bother him.
He began to think of their time together, the time they'd spent talking and the time they'd spent in bed. They'd made love fourteen times. He smiled over that, only knowing the number because Maggie had told him after the twelfth time, both of them giggling over it. It was those intimate moments right after that he enjoyed so much with her. Their conversations sometimes ran emotionally deep, the same as their lovemaking. He'd never been with a woman in the same capacity as he had been with her. His heart began to race over certain moments that could literally take his breath away, seeing her as more than just someone he'd met on a vacation, she was more than that. He could see himself being with her forever.
Maybe, he thought, maybe it was happening too fast for her. Maybe her divorce had been more painful than he knew. Perhaps her husband was abusive? Just the thought of someone putting their hands on her in that way made his blood seethe, hoping that wasn't it. He had so many questions that he wished he'd demanded answers for now.
One thing he knew for sure is that his life was never going to be the same again; the hand of fate had touched him. A hand that was soft and gentle, taking him and the woman that it belonged to by complete surprise. He felt he was teetering on the edge of that special place where most people struggled to arrive at their whole lives, never dreaming it would ever physically touch him, yet here he was, feeling it in body and soul. A part of him wishing he'd never made the trip to begin with, but then there was that part of him that was beating to a different rhythm, having felt for the first time that physical and emotional want for another person, it was both a blessing and a curse.
He was assured he would never see her again, but was also positive he would never forget her, nor the peace and calmness that she had brought to his life in the short time that he'd spent with her. The expense to his life had cost him dearly, but what she had given him emotionally was priceless in his eyes. No matter how angry he was with her, he still didn't regret a second of time that he had spent with her. Not a second. No matter who it hurt, even himself.
He took another sip of his drink, feeling a dreaded ache in the pit of his stomach over the questions that he'd allowed to go unanswered. He looked out the window again as the clouds cleared, having a very bad feeling that even after all that had happened, he was headed in the wrong direction.
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"How can you say that Danny?" Bridgette replied, looking at him as if she didn't know him, because the hateful words coming out of his mouth about Steve were shocking.
"This is none of your business, Sis, so just keep out of it!"
"Why are you so angry? He didn't set out to deliberately deceive you, it just happened."
"You sound just like him! Did the three of you rehearse your lines together? This didn't just happen! He wanted it the minute he met her in the grocery store! All that time I was talking to him about her and he was playing me behind my back! So don't tell me this just happened!" he shouted.
"Can't you for just one second put away that anger and look at it from their point of view?"
He shook his head, glaring at her. "That's right, take their side. You've got it all worked out. I bet they sent you over here to try and guilt me into thinking this whole thing was probably my fault! I should just lay down at Steve and Maggie's feet like a dog and accept the fact that they were both lying to my face!"
"You're so stubborn," Bridgette declared, giving up the fight. "The only thing I see right now is your ego is crushed, nothing more."
Danny pointed angrily at her, "Then you should just stop talking right now because you have no idea what you're saying. It's not my ego that's crushed, I work in a business that demands a partner you can trust. Not just someone to have my back during board meetings or at the drunken office Christmas party. I need someone that I know will watch out for me and have my back when a criminal is pointing a gun in my face!" he shouted, "So don't stand there and tell me I'm being stubborn! The second Steve started lying to me it broke that trust! The worst thing about it that you don't seem to grasp is that he knew it too! He knew exactly what he was doing and also knew exactly where it would lead, to this! But he did it anyway, so all that tells me is that he doesn't give a shit about this partnership! So don't stand there and tell me to put myself in his shoes! I would never allow myself to get in that position to begin with!"
Bridgette knew it was useless, throwing her hands up. "They fell in love. End of story. It's sad that you don't see that and it's sad that Steve didn't come forward when he should have, but when it's all said and done. He's in love and you know more than anyone else Danny that you can't walk away from that no matter what."
She didn't tell him about Steve's departure, hoping by now that Maggie had spoken to him and all was well. It wouldn't have mattered anyway she thought, her brother was past the point of reasoning, still feeling the pain and rejection from two people who both meant a great deal to him. It would be a while before he could see clearly.
"I hope they live happily ever after," he said bitterly. "But as far as Steve and I are concerned, it's done!" He walked away from her going up the stairs to his room, having heard enough of his sister's bantering as if he were the one to blame in this whole ordeal. It made him angrier that she would take Steve's side over his. They were blood, he would never do that to her no matter what the circumstance, ever! He turned around halfway up. "You knew that this was going on and you never said anything to me."
"Steve told me that he would tell you. I told him that you needed to know."
"But he didn't and yet here we are, you are still taking his side. I bet you knew about it from the very beginning and still didn't tell me. That's probably why you didn't want me to go out with her in the first place. You blamed it on some lame ass excuse about her having a bad year, but that was bullshit wasn't it?! Just admit it Bridgette, you don't think I'm good enough for Maggie." He held both hands up, "But, ole' Steveo he's the perfect match for your princess friend. I would never have set you up like that. Sis!" he said resentfully, as if that word was now taboo.
"You're being so dramatic. Drama Queen!" she yelled as he slammed his bedroom door closed.
Bridgette came out of the house, slamming the door behind her just as Clara pulled up in the driveway.
She came storming around the side of the car as she got out. "I can't believe your son!" Bridgette growled. "He's the most stubborn person I've ever met!" She turned and waved her arm angrily, motioning toward the upstairs, "He goes running upstairs and walks out because he decides the conversation is over, just like when we were kids! Nothing has changed!"
Clara sighed heavily, "You and your brother fighting, that's something that has never changed." She closed the car door, "How is Maggie?"
"Heart broken over this."
Clara leaned back against the car. "It's a mess isn't it?"
"It doesn't have to be if Danny would stop being so stubborn."
"Don't blame this one your brother, Bridgette. Steve and Maggie both knew what they were doing."
"Mom, they didn't mean…"
"I know," she said putting up a hand, already knowing the facts. "They didn't mean for it to happen, it just happened. But now you have two men who feel betrayed. They always say a women's mind is one that is hard to decipher, but that is nothing compared to a man's ego that has been humbled. I don't believe that Steve set out to hurt Danny, but in the end he can't deny that that's what happened, and Danny needs to see beyond his anger and know that Steve didn't tell him because he cared enough about him that he didn't want to see him hurt, and worse yet be the one causing it."
"But it comes down to the same ole' cliché, you can't chose who you are going to fall in love with."
"I know. I know," she agreed. "This is going to take time, and nothing more."
Bridgette decided to come clean with her. "Steve left."
"What?!" Clara said, shocked over that.
"Maggie told him too. You know how she is, she took this all on herself."
"I hope you talked some sense into her?"
"I did, she was going to call him when I left. I just hope it works out. If you saw them together Mom, you'd understand too."
"I do understand," she admitted. "But this is not something that is going to heal overnight."
Bridgette looked up at Danny's window. "He blames me too." She looked back at her mother. "I am partly to blame. I pushed them together. I knew what was happening and I even went as far as encouraging Maggie. She sees Danny as a brother and nothing more. She loves him but not in that way. I just saw that wonderful spark in her whenever Steve is around. She just lights up. I missed that in my friend," she said with tears in her eyes. "She deserves to be happy after all she's been through. I'm sorry if that's selfish of me to think that way against Danny, but I do, and I don't feel guilty."
Clara put her hands on her arms. "You and Maggie have always been there for one another, don't stop now. You let your brother and Steve work this out on their own. I'm sure they will once they get home."
"I hope so, for Maggie's sake," she sniffed. "I gotta go, I have to work in an hour."
"Wait," Clara said, reaching back in the car and opening up the garage door. "Take Steve's suitcases with you. He left them here."
"I don't even know where he is, hopefully at Maggie's by now, but who knows."
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Maggie crossed her arms trying to warm up as she walked down the street toward her apartment entrance. The Christmas tree in the window of a neighbor that she admired every night went unnoticed on this one. The chill that ran through her wasn't all from the weather either. She felt most of it in her heart, unable to alleviate that discomfort since he'd left that morning. She felt the tears approaching once again over her loss and used her glove to wipe one away that was forming in the corner of her eye.
It was the longest day ever that she could remember. She kept her phone in her pocket all day, checking it repeatedly, just waiting and hoping to hear from him, but her voicemail to him went unreturned. By the time she got off work she was assured that he had made the decision not to return. She was crushed, but like she had told him in her message, she understood.
All of her plans now were shot. She couldn't go to Hawaii like she had planned, she couldn't do it knowing he was there, not even to another island, it would just be too hard. She felt a sudden dread follow her, knowing now that Bridgette was right all along, because the loneliness that engulfed her was just as frightening as the day her mother sent her away when she was twelve years old. She missed his warmth and companionship more than anything else. She didn't blame him for not returning making it perfectly clear to him that it wouldn't change anything, and it hadn't. She would love him until the day she died, which at the moment the survival fight she had in her was fading. Getting over him was going to be a challenge she dreaded facing.
She avoided a new patch of ice on the ground and turned to walk up the steps of her building and froze in her tracks.
Steve used the metal handrail and pulled himself up, standing halfway up the steps blocking her entrance.
Maggie could hardly catch her breath as she stared at the heavenly sight before her. "I…" she swallowed, searching for her voice, "I thought you left."
"I did," he replied, not taking his eyes off of her for a second, having already missed the sight of her after only a few hours. "I was somewhere over Ohio when I got this horrible ach in the pit of my stomach."
"Oh, I'm sorry" she replied tenderly, trying to calm her heart that was beating out of control. "Maybe it's the flu."
"It's not the flu."
Her voice barely above a whisper exposed the emotions she was trying desperately to control. "We've had a lot of that come through the ER," she said.
"It's not the flu," he repeated.
"Maybe it was something you ate," she asked quietly, reeling over his presence, pleased over the slight chill in the air that was keeping her alert or she felt she might faint over the sheer pleasure of seeing him.
"It wasn't something I ate either."
"What was it then?"
He took a step down to her. "It was anger."
She wasn't expecting that and her expression showed it.
"It pissed me off that I didn't get a chance to say what I wanted to say. You just took away my voice without even giving me the opportunity to say what I wanted to. I hate that. It really pisses me off."
She stared at him, "What…" she stammered. "I'm, I'm sorry. I left you a message." Wondering now if he never got it. "What did you want to say?"
He took another step down to her, keeping it short and to the point. "That I love you." There was so much more but at the moment he felt that said it all.
She honestly felt she might crumble right there from the joy that was shooting through her body.
"I guess that's all I really wanted to say," he added, staring down at her, anticipating her reply, hoping he didn't come all the way back for nothing.
Maggie gripped the handrail, using it for support to steady herself as her reply flowed out of her as naturally as it felt. "I love you too," she said, not able to fight back the tears anymore.
A smile slowly grew on his lips. Hearing it said from that sweet angelic voice was even better than he had imagined. He took another step down to her. "If you just would have let me say what I wanted to this morning it could have saved me a couple thousand dollars, eight hours on a plane, and two hours of sitting in the freezing cold."
Maggie chuckled, bending her head as she wiped away tears, "I'm sorry."
He came down the rest of the way until he was standing on the step above her, "I forgive you this time, but next time I won't sit out in the freezing cold for you," he grinned, "I'll wait someplace warmer."
Maggie let out a laugh, knowing he was confessing that he'd always wait for her. She looked at him, seeing the cold all over him in his cheeks that were rosy, and on his hands that reached out and cupped her neck, but she didn't mind. Her whole body was ablaze from that touch, even more so when he kissed her.
They'd kissed countless times but this one was different, it meant so much more to the both of them, and felt that way too.
She put her hands over top of his bare ones, "You're so cold. Come inside?" she smiled. "I'll warm you up."
He smiled, feeling that horrible ache that had been in his chest all day suddenly vanish. "Lead the way," he replied with another kiss.
She took his right hand and turned, guiding him up the stairs to the locked entrance.
"Take your clothes off," Maggie ordered as she tested the water coming from the tub faucet.
"Yes ma'am!" Steve said a little too enthusiastically. "I like the bedside manner you have nurse Maggie."
She rolled her eyes at his sense of humor that she loved just as much as the rest of him. "Settle down, you were out in the cold for far too long and need to warm up."
He pulled his shirt over his head; "I haven't taken a bath since I was five. Do I get bubbles?"
"If you're a good boy. And why were you out there without gloves and a hat?" she scolded him. "It's like nineteen degrees."
Steve kicked his shoes off while she unbuttoned his jeans, "It's all I had. I kind of left in a hurry from Danny's without my stuff."
"Hmmm," she knew that story. "Why didn't you go across the street and wait someplace warmer?"
"I was afraid I'd miss you."
She looked up at him as he grinned down at her with the sexiest smile she'd ever seen. She reached up and gave him a quick kiss for that.
He finished undressing as she reached over the bathtub to a shelf and took down a small bottle, squeezing some of the liquid under the running water. Suds instantly appeared, turning the water white with bubbles.
"There you go." She spoke to him like a child over the bubbles, and then more demanding, "now get in. I'll be right back."
"Yes ma'am." He slipped out of his underwear, still feeling the chill, actually looking forward to getting into the liquid warmth of the fancy claw tub. He put one leg in first enjoying it more than he thought, feeling the rest of his exposed body begging to be comforted as well as he climbed in and braced his hands on the sides as he slowly sat down, letting out a slight moan over the sheer pleasure of it.
He chuckled at the bubbles that surrounded him, moving them out of the way with his hands as he laid back, resting his head on the smooth, curved back.
Maggie came in and set down a towel and handed him a Heineken beer. "Here, you must be thirsty too."
He gladly took the bottle, "I have to say, you are one hell of a good nurse."
She sat down on a small stool next to the tub, "I know my job."
"Yes you do," he declared, taking a drink and laying back with his eyes closed, resting the beer on the edge as he held it. "This is better than I thought."
"Warming up?"
"Uh huh, I'm very relaxed right now."
She leaned over resting her arm on the edge and then resting her cheek on that, looking at him as her other hand went into the warm water. "Is it too hot?"
He opened his eyes, looking at her, seeing the reason why he came back. She was stunning, even more so now that he knew she loved him too. "Perfection," he said sincerely of her, speaking in a tone that told her as much.
She moved her hand in the water over his chest, feeling inside everything he was. "I was so happy when I saw you sitting there outside I honestly thought I might faint from pure joy."
He took her hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it tenderly and then looked back at her. "Come to Hawaii with me. I'll take care of you if you get sick again, Maggie."
Tears sprang to life in her eyes over that proposal, knowing now he had heard her message and came back anyway.
He sat up and pulled on her hand he had, reaching over and taking the other one as well, pulling her into the tub with him.
"Steve!" she shrieked over his suggestion, but went along with him anyway, not wanting to forgo this romantic gesture. She crawled in still wearing her scrubs as they both laughed when the water over flowed to the tile floor. He guided her down as she laid her head on his shoulder while his arms went around her.
"This is better," he said, squeezing her. "I want you this close to me all the time."
"I love you," Maggie said softly. "I'll come with you."
He squeezed her tighter, convinced more than ever that they could beat this thing. There was no way in hell he was going to ever let her go again without a fight.